Broken Together
by TogetherWeCanFly
Summary: "I can tell by the look in his eyes that he has seen the scars on my wrist. I expect him to lecture me, to walk away, to hate me. Instead, he puts his arms around me. And for one split second, everything is okay." Modern day AU. Mentions of self harm and abuse. Four/Tris
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, for starters, there will be mentions of self harm and abuse in this story, so if that is a trigger for you, please stop reading now!**

 **Other than that, Caleb is 6 years older than Tris in this story, and that's about it. Hope you guys like it. Feedback would be appreciated!**

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My eyes are trained on the clock on the wall across from me. Lunch is going to start soon. Not that it matters. They pulled me out of sixth period. I'm sure they don't care if I'm late to lunch. As long as I'm sitting in this office, I could be out of classes all day, and nobody would care. Not that anybody really cares about me much anyway.

"Beatrice?"

I look up, breaking free from my thoughts, only to find Principal Matthews staring at me. I must have zoned out while she was talking. Her snake-like eyes are narrowed on me, as she pushes a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Tris," I correct sharply.

"Tris." She gives me a smile that never reaches her eyes. "I know that you're not all for this, but we are only pushing this because we are concerned for your well-being."

I roll my eyes at this. I know very well that this has nothing to do with me. Ever since Al committed suicide last year, nobody could even complain about their _homework_ without being reported. It's been said that there were a lot of signs that Al was considering suicide before he actually did it, which means that a lot of people are blaming the staff for not paying attention. Now, they're watching all the students like a hawk because the all-perfect Jeannine Matthews does not want to handle anymore negative press.

If she wasn't under fire for Al's suicide, I know that I wouldn't even be sitting in this office right now. After all, Principal Matthews has never been a fan of me.

"It's only once a week," she continues when I say nothing. "It's with people your age, and there are a few people who might have had very similar experiences as you."

"I'll think about it," I mutter. "Is that all?"

"It's either this or mandatory one-on-one counseling." Her lips turn into a straight line, showing that she is frustrated with me. "It's your choice."

I purse my lips, as we glare at each other. She knows how much I hate one-on-one counseling, which would explain why I've skipped my last few sessions. At least, with a support group, I could just sit back and listen to everyone else without having to say a word.

"I'll join the support group," I say just loud enough for her to hear.

"Good." She gives me another fake smile, as she hands me a card with the information for the group on it. "If you do not attend the sessions, the leader of the group will contact me. So, I suggest you take this seriously. That's all, Beatrice."

I roll my eyes again, as I stand up and stuff the card into my pocket and walk out of her office. The bell rings, as I walk into the hallway and within seconds, I am surrounded by students. Not that it matters, seeing as none of them talk to me.

I've only ever had a few friends in this school. One was Al, who is obviously gone now. And one girl named Susan, who stopped talking to me when I started falling into a downward spiral. I didn't expect her to understand what I was going through, but it still hurt when she stopped talking to me all together.

I stop at my locker and open it up, looking at the small mirror that I had glued to the inside. There is a thin line of eyeliner on my eyes, and I check to make sure my messy bun is still in place.

"Hey, girl."

I look to my side, as Christina leans against the locker next to mine. She ducks her head to check her own hair and makeup, as I grab some books out of my locket.

"You coming out with me?" I ask.

"Is that even a question?"

I smirk, and she smirks right back at me. I shut my locker, and we bypass the cafeteria completely. We check to make sure no teachers are around before we slip outside through one of the back doors. As we walk, I reach into my pocket and pull out a pack of cigarettes, which is the main reason we're out here.

Once we've reached the field, we duck under the bleachers, and we each take one out and light them. I lean against the bleachers, as Christina sits down on the grass and takes a long drag.

"Matthews called me in today," I say before taking an equally long drag.

"Yeah?" She raises an eyebrow. "What was it this time?"

"She's making me do this stupid support group."

"No shit." She narrows her eyes at me before smirking. "Me, too."

"Really?" She nods at me, and I snort. "Well, at least now I know it won't be a total waste of time."

"Yeah." She shrugs her shoulders. "All we gotta do is sit there and say nothing, and then we can leave and talk about all the pathetic people that are there just to whine about their life."

"Basically my plan," I say. "What about this weekend? Did you figure anything out?"

"Well, since you got us banned from Eric's house-"

"He tried to sleep with me." I roll my eyes. "I didn't want to sleep with him. Fuck me, right?"

"Well, that's what he was trying to do." I glare at her, and she smirks. "Anyway, I think I might have found somewhere else to go instead. That guy, Zeke, is having a party."

"Football Zeke?" She nods her head, and I groan. "You couldn't find anything else?"

"Whatever!" she says, actually looking irritated for a second. "You got us kicked out of our regular spot. You're not really in a position to complain, Trissy."

"Fine," I say reluctantly.

Once the thirty minutes of lunchtime is almost over, we put out our cigarettes and sneak back into the school where we separate to go to our own classes. The rest of the day flies by, and I am walking out of the front doors before I know it.

As I walk out, I spot Caleb's car parked behind the buses. I saunter over and slide into the passenger seat, making him look up from his phone for a split second.

"How was school?" he mumbles, still working on a text.

"Same as usual."

I look out the window, as he finally puts his phone away and starts driving. We drive in silence, save for the radio in the background, for a few moments before he finally speaks up again.

"Have you talked to Principal Matthews?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say slowly, giving him a look even though he's watching the road. "How did you know?"

"She called me the other day," he says nonchalantly. "She wanted to make sure that I was okay with it before she went to you about it."

I roll my eyes at this and look back to the window. Ever since Caleb became my legal guardian, he started acting more like a parent than my brother every day. It irks me especially that Matthews talks to him as if he is my father when she knows our situation.

"You should at least think about it," he tries again after a minute of silence. "It might help."

"I'm gonna do it," I mutter. "Matthews is making me."

I hear him sigh, as we pull up to the apartment building. He parks by the walkway and looks at me. I know that he will not be coming in with me. Every day, he picks me up from school, drops me off at home, and then goes off to his cushy office job.

"Beatrice, I know that this is hard for you, but you need to at least be open to it."

"Okay, I will," I say quickly, as I open the car door.

I step out and throw my book bag over my shoulders. When I look back, he is watching me with a sad expression on his face. I try to ignore it, as I turn and head to the entrance of the building. I walk up the stairs to Caleb's apartment. And yes, I call it Caleb's apartment. I've been here for two years, but it still doesn't feel like a home to me.

Everything in this place is Caleb. The books stacked on the sleek tables. The neatness in each room- except my room of course- almost makes me feel like I'm in a model apartment, not a real one. Even the air freshener is the same scent as the ones he used in his room growing up. I'm sure that this place is perfect for him, but it all feels so temporary for me.

Still, moving in with Caleb was the best option after everything that happened with my parents. It was either that or foster care, and Christina had told me so many horror stories about foster care that her childhood friend, Molly, suffered through. While I knew that not all foster homes would be the same, I was still afraid that I would end up in a bad situation.

Just as I fall down on my bed and start pulling off my shoes, my phone lights up, and Christina's name appears on the screen. I pick it up and read the message.

 _That party at Zeke's is tomorrow night,_ it reads. _Are you in or not?_

I sigh, knowing that I don't have much of a choice. Whether I say yes or not, Christina will still go without me. She is different than me in that she can go to a party alone since all she has to do is take a few shots, and suddenly she's friends with everyone in the room.

Anyway, if I don't go with her, that means I'll have to spend my Friday night with Caleb, watching some old, weird movie. I groan, as I text back, saying that I will go with her. Within seconds, she has texted back.

 _Awesome! Meet me outside your building in five. We need to get some new outfits._

I roll my eyes. As much I love Christina, I really hate that she needs a brand new outfit every time she goes to a party. Still, I know she won't let me get out of shopping with her, so I put my shoes back on and get out of bed. I grab my things and saunter from my room to Caleb's. I go to his bedside table and open the top drawer. I then reach in and grab an envelope filled with twenty dollar bills.

I don't take money from Caleb too often because I don't want him to realize that it's missing. I only take it when I'm low on money myself. Maybe I should feel guilty, but any guilt I have goes away as soon as I remember just how much he makes. I tell myself that he won't even miss it.

"About time," Christina says when I leave the building.

She smirks at me, a cigarette poised between her lips.

"I was taking out a loan," I joke, as she hands it to me so I can take a drag.

She laughs, as I hand the cigarette back to her.

Funny enough, Christina is the one who handed me my first cigarette. She was the one who came to my aid when she found me crying under the bleachers. She was the first person who tried to help me without looking at me with pity in her eyes, and she was the first person who didn't suggest therapy or journaling. Instead, she sat with me and lit her cigarette. She handed it to me, telling me that it would ease the pain. Growing up, I had learned that smoking was wrong just like every other kid, but at that point, I was in too much pain to care.

I know that Caleb can smell it when I come home reeking of cigarettes, but he doesn't say anything anymore. He has tried to keep me away from Christina, but at the end of the day, he knows that we will still find a way to get to each other, no matter how hard he tries. She is my best friend, my only friend. The only person who truly understands me. Nobody could come between us, not even Caleb.

As she drops her cigarette on the floor, I throw my arm around her shoulders and we start walking to the store.

We are two broken people, but nothing will ever break us from each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys so much for the follows! I was so nervous about posting this story, because I wasn't sure how people would react to it. But I'm so glad you guys liked it! Thank you so much!**

 **Anyway, I will be going on a trip soon where I won't have a phone or computer or anything, so I'm sorry if I don't update for a few days! Buuut to make up for that, I wrote a super long chapter so I hope you guys like it! Feedback is appreciated! :)**

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Of all days to hold a support group meeting, I cannot believe that they chose Friday, right after school. Now I won't just be staring at the clock and waiting to go home. Instead, I'll be staring at the clock and waiting to go out with Christina. Since time seems to go by agonizingly slow when I watch the clock, I look down.

I press the toe of my boot into the floor and twirl a piece of my hair around my fingers because I don't really have much else to do at the moment. Christina sits in the metal chair beside me, scrolling through social media on her phone. I can't do the same, since my phone is a simple flip phone. The kind where I have to press a number three times to get a certain letter, which makes texting tedious.

I am vaguely aware of some other people walking in and taking their seat in the circle of uncomfortable chairs. I look up to see if I recognize any of them, seeing as most, if not all, of the members of this group are from our high school.

Across the circle from me, two boys take their seats. One of them has dark skin and talks far more than the other boy, and I recognize him because I've had classes with him before. I don't remember his name though. The other boy has short brown hair and dark blue eyes. He is also far more muscular, and I decide to let myself appreciate his arms for a moment.

He looks up at me after a moment, and our eyes meet. He looks at me as if he's seen a ghost before looking down quickly. The boy next to him seems just as confused as me, but I look down, not really caring anymore. I reason that he's probably heard some type of rumor about me or my family, and that's the least of my concern right now.

After a few more moments of silence, one of the school's counselors takes her seat. I shouldn't be surprised to see Tori here, but I am. She is the only school counselor that I had ever taken a liking to, which is why Matthews insisted that I start seeing someone else. Of course, she gave a long, convoluted explanation about how I might not make as much progress if Tori and I were too friendly with each other.

"Hello, everyone." Everyone looks up, as she scans the room, her eyes lingering on me for a moment. "I'd like to thank you all for coming today. Before we start, I'm going to explain a little bit about this group and its rules since I see that we have a good amount of newcomers."

She starts passing around a stack of papers which list the policies and procedures. I take one and set it down on my lap, knowing that I'll never read it.

"Because this group is focused around grief and trauma," Tori continues, "you may be hearing some very personal stories. Everything that is said in this room must stay in this room. If any member is caught talking about something that another member brought up during one of these meetings, there will be repercussions."

"Kinky," Christina mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.

I snicker but stop immediately when Tori shoots me a look. She continues to talk about the order of the meetings and how everyone will have a chance to share and how each person will have a certain amount of time to do so.

"And now, we're going to do some introductions so that we can get to know each other." It takes all of my energy to keep myself from groaning. "We're going to around the circle, and I'd like for each of you to say you're name, your age, and what you hope to gain from this group.

"I'll start. Some of you already know me as Doctor Wu. I'd rather not say my age." Some of them laugh politely at this. "And you can call me Tori, if you'd like. We'll go around the circle, starting with you."

"Okay," says the dark skinned boy that I saw earlier. "Hi, my name is Uriah. I'm 16, and I'd like to get better at accepting the past."

Uriah smiles, and Tori nods at the boy next to him, signaling for him to speak.

"I'm Four," the boy mutters. "I'm 18. And I guess I would say the same thing as Uriah."

"Okay, but that's it. Nobody else can use that answer anymore." She smirks, as some of them laugh politely again. "Thanks for sharing, Four."

He nods at her, and she gestures for the next person to speak. After a few more people named Myra, Lauren, Rita, and Lynn introduce themselves and give vague answers about what they hope to gain, Tori looks at me, and I sigh.

"I'm Tris," I say, still looking at Tori. "I'm 16, and I'm here because Principal Matthews made me."

I hear a few people snicker, including Christina, as Tori simply purses her lips at me.

"And what do you hope to gain?" she asks in a dangerous tone.

"I don't know," I say, knowing not to push her any further.

She must know that she isn't going to get a better answer out of me, since she simply nods at Christina.

"I'm Christina," she says, still smirking. "I'm 16, and I'm pretty much here for the same reason as Tris."

Tori takes a deep breath, but she doesn't even try to get a better answer this time. Instead, she looks around the group.

"Thank you all for sharing," she says. "We will be addressing a lot of your goals in this group, such as accepting your past, forgiving yourself..."

I find myself zoning out, as Tori finishes giving her spiel and then lets everybody share. Just from sitting back and listening, I learn a lot about each person.

Myra's boyfriend was stabbed to death, and she says that she still has nightmares about it all the time. Lauren's father was killed, and she was later kicked out of the house by her step father. Rita's sister committed suicide by jumping from a building. And Lynn lost her best friend to suicide as well.

In between all of these, Tori asks Four, Christina, and I if we would like to share, and we each decline. When the group ends, I walk out with Christina before Tori can stop me to talk about my behavior. Because Caleb is already at work, he couldn't pick me up after the support group. Instead, Christina and I walk together to her house.

"Not gonna lie," Christina says, as we walk. "That was more intense than I thought it would be."

"Yeah," is all I can think to say back.

I try not to mention any of the stories that we heard today. She must have been thinking about her father and Will ever since we left. I know that it is hard for her to think about them and sitting and listening to everyone talk about the people they have lost in their lives probably didn't help much with that. I throw my arm around her shoulders. The movement is not enough to suggest that I pity her, yet just enough to show that I am here for her.

When we get to her house, she goes through the fridge and pulls out whatever she can find before leading me to her room. Her sister, Rose, comes out of her room and smiles at me. I can't help but smile back at her.

"Hi, Tris," she says sweetly.

"Bye, Rose." Christina smirks, as we duck into her room. "We have some PG-13 things we need to talk about."

Rose rolls her eyes before returning to her room. Christina drops onto her bed, putting the food on the floor in front of her. I sit on the floor and start picking at the food, as I give her a look.

"What do we have to talk about?" I ask.

"I don't fucking know." She lays back on her bed. "I just didn't feel like entertaining her."

For the next few hours, we sit there, talking about everything and nothing like we always do. Every time I space out, she throws a potato chip. For a few minutes, we make a game out of it where I try to catch the chips in my mouth. I catch it once, and we start screaming in celebration until Rose bangs on the wall, telling us to be quiet.

Once some time has passed, we finally start getting ready for the party. Christina insists on doing my makeup, and she lays out an outfit for me consisting of a tight red crop top with straps instead of sleeves, a black jacket, black leggings, and knee-high boots. Once she is done with my hair, makeup, and clothes, she gets herself dressed and does her own makeup. We both look at each other one more time to make sure we're ready before we walk out of her room.

"Where are you going?" Rose asks when she comes out of her room and sees us dressed up.

"Out, little one," Christina replies. "Mom will be home soon, don't worry."

When we finally leave the house, Christina lights a cigarette as we walk down the sidewalk. Even after all this time, it amazes me that Christina's mother is okay with her going out and going to parties. My parents were never like that at all. Then again, my parents were different than Christina's in _many_ different ways. I stop thinking about it, as Christina hands me her cigarette.

"Finish it," she says. "You look nervous."

"Yeah," I say, knowing better than to tell her that I was thinking about my parents. "Just a little."

As we approach the house, I can already hear voices and loud music. I take a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. We walk in, and I am overwhelmed not only by the amount of people but also by the loud pop music and the amount of yelling. There are people dancing, people yelling, people playing beer pong...

This is completely different from Eric's parties. At his parties, there was music playing, but never pop or top 40 music. There usually wasn't yelling unless someone decided to start a fight. Even when people were dancing, it wasn't like this. And even then, there were some people who would stay off to the side and get high on the couch.

Eric's house always reeked of pot, but it doesn't seem like they have it here unless they're doing it in the backyard. Christina looks back at me, an amused smile on her face, as she grabs my hand and leads me through the house. We stop in front of a table covered with bottles, flasks, solo cups, and shot glasses. Just as Christina starts pouring shots for us, I feel someone tap my shoulder.

"No way!" Uriah shouts, as he grins at me. "You're Tris, right?"

"Oh... Yeah." I say, still shocked that he is here. "Uriah?"

"Yeah! I can't believe you're here! I never see you at these parties, I meet you at a support group, and then you're here all of a sudden! That's so cool!"

I find myself unable to hold back my smile when I look at his goofy grin.

"Tris!" I turn, as Christina comes up next to me and hands me a shot glass before looking at Uriah. "Oh, hi!"

"Hey! Christina, right?" She nods her head at him. "I'm Uriah! It's so cool that you guys are here! Pretty much the entire support group is here, but since it's your first time here, you guys can meet my brother if you want!"

"Your brother?" I ask.

"Yeah, Zeke!" he says, pointing in the general direction of where Zeke might be. "You know him?"

"Oh, kinda," I say, even though I've never even spoken to him before. "It's okay, we can go talk to him later."

"Suit yourself." He shrugs his shoulders and grins again. "Let me know if you lovely ladies need anything!"

Christina giggles, as Uriah disappears into the crowd. I roll my eyes as she nudges my shoulder with hers.

"He's cute! This is way better than Eric's." I shrug my shoulders instead of blatantly disagreeing with her. "Ready?"

I nod my head and we both take our shots at the same time. My face scrunches up instinctively. Even after all this time, I still hate the burning feeling, but I do like the way that it makes my head feel light and warm. We stay by the table for couple more shots before we both take a beer and start weaving through the crowd.

Other members of the support group start approaching us. They mostly talk to Christina since I'm too busy sipping on the beer, hoping that each sip will make this party a little more bearable. The only girl that I really take a liking to is Lynn, since she seems pretty similar to me personality-wise. Myra, Lauren, and Rita seem to like Christina more.

I notice Uriah across the room with Four. Our eyes meet, and he waves at me, that goofy grin still on his face. I smile and wave back. Four gives Uriah a funny look before looking over to see who he's waving at. His eyes fall on me, but he looks down as soon as he realizes that it's me. I roll my eyes before returning my attention to the beer in my hand.

After some time, I notice that people are trickling out slowly, as everyone from the support group as well as a few other people start sitting in a circle in the living room. I look at Christina to ask what they're going, but she is still talking to Myra.

"Hey there!" I spin around and find myself face-to-chest with a tall, dark skinned boy. "I'm Zeke! My brother, Uriah, said you guys are in that group together?"

"Oh... Yeah." I take a step back so that I can see his face without craning my neck. "I'm Tris, and this is Christina."

Christina turns around at the sound of her name and waves at Zeke, obviously tipsy.

"Hey," he says, nodding at Christina. "We're gonna play Candor or Dauntless. Would you two like to join?"

"Why the fuck not?" Christina chirps before I can say anything.

I roll my eyes, as she follows Zeke into the living room. I trail behind them and sit next to her in the circle. I sit too quickly, and I end up spilling a bit of my beer on the carpet in front of me, but nobody seems to notice. Zeke sits across from us and grins.

We never really played Candor or Dauntless at Eric's parties. Someone mentioned it once, and he said it was a game for kids. I always agreed, yet here I am playing anyway. Still, I know that if I was sober, I would not have agreed to this. I take another huge gulp of beer, knowing that I'll need it to get through this game.

"Let's do this!" Zeke says, looking around. "Shauna, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Candor," says the girl next to him, who I guess is Shauna.

"Good." He smirks. "Did you enjoy what we did before the party?"

I snort, as everyone around me starts laughing or wolf-whistling at her. She rolls her eyes, but she is still smiling.

"Yes. Yeah, whatever," she says before taking a sip of her drink. "Lynn, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Dauntless," Lynn answers, her face still scrunched up in disgust.

"I dare you to shave your head."

Lynn simply shrugs her shoulders, as she stands up and heads toward the bathroom. I find myself reacting along with everyone else, even though I know that if I was sober, I would find all of this utterly stupid. Actually, I probably would have left by now. But I don't, which means that I start cheering along with everyone else when Lynn comes back in with a shaved head and starts the game up again.

"Uriah," Lynn says.

"Dauntless," he shouts without having to be asked.

"I dare you to go the entire weekend without any cake."

The entire room erupts in laughter, but I just sit there, confused. I guess it must be an inside joke. I do start laughing when Uriah starts peeling his shirt off his body while mumbling, "fuck that." Once the laughter has died down, Uriah turns to Four and grins.

"Four. Candor or Dauntless."

"I don't know," he sighs, looking very sober. "Candor."

"Okay. Why..." Uriah stops and starts laughing seemingly at a joke that he hasn't even told yet. "Why are you scared of Tris?"

I look up, confused, as Four stares angrily at Uriah.

"What? I'm not-"

"Don't lie, Four!" Uriah continues, as some people start laughing. "You freaked out when you saw her at the support group. Just tell us why!"

Everyone stares at Four, including me, as he glares at Uriah. He looks around the room, his eyes lingering on me, as if he's considering if he should tell the truth or not. Finally, he shakes his head and pulls off shirt, leaving him in an undershirt. I try to stop myself from staring at his muscular arms, but I can't help it. I only look away when he looks up at me. And when I look around, I see that a lot of the girls are also sneaking glances at him.

I sigh and take another sip of my beer, trying not to think too much about what just happened. I figured that Four was looking at me because he had heard something about me, but I never would have guessed that he was looking at me because he was afraid of me. I can't even start to understand why someone as big and strong as him would be afraid of me to begin with.

I keep sipping steadily throughout the game, until I am swaying slightly where I sit. When the game ends, everybody puts on whatever clothing they had taken off. Zeke and Shauna stay sitting together while Christina, Uriah, and Lynn start walking back to the table to take more shots. They tell me to come with them, but I wave them off, seeing as I can barely stand up by myself.

"Need a hand?" I look up and see Four standing over me.

I guess he realized I couldn't stand up.

"No," I lie, my head getting fuzzier by the second. "I got it."

I start pushing myself off the ground slowly. I stumble to the left, but Four catches and helps me into a standing position. Everything is blurry for a moment. Before I know it, I am sitting outside on the front step with a water bottle in my hand, and Four is sitting next to me. When I look at him, I vaguely remember that he said something confusing during the game, but right now, I can barely remember anything that happened during that game.

"Are you okay?" he asks, making me realize that I'm staring at him.

"No." I giggle and look down. "I'm never okay."

"Is that so?" I simply nod in response. "Why don't you drink that water?"

"Don't want it," I mutter. "Why are you helping me? I don't even know you."

"True," he says. "But I'd like to know you."

I smile and look at him. He looks back at me and for the first time, I admire his amazing eyes. And the stubble on his face. His strong jawline. His full lower lip paired with his spare upper lip.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm pressing my lips to his. When he kisses me back, I feel myself getting dizzy, and I can only guess that it's a mix of the kiss and the alcohol in my system. He pulls away abruptly, and my lips ache for more.

"Tris." He sighs and looks down at his lap. "There's no way. You're way too drunk."

"I'm not drunk," I say, already knowing that it's a lie.

"Right." He chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Well, either way, I really think you should drink some water."

I roll my eyes and simply look down at the bottle in my hands, silently refusing to drink it. I lean against him unconsciously, as my eyelids start to feel heavier. He starts to say something, but I don't hear it. I don't hear anything. Everything is muffled. And then, everything goes black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so I know I said I have a trip coming up, but I only said that because I didn't think I would be able to write another chapter before it but I did! Since it's tomorrow, I figured I could post this in the meantime :) Hope you guys like it! I would really appreciate feedback!**

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 **FOUR POV**

"Shit."

It's the only thing that I can bring myself to say, as I look down and realize that Tris has fallen asleep on my shoulder. The water bottle falls from her hands and rolls down the driveway, but she does not stir. I try to wake her by nudging her, shaking her gently, and calling her name, but she is out cold.

 _Shit, shit, shit._

I move slowly, but it's not exactly easy to pick someone up in your arms and stand up at the same time. It's a good thing I stayed sober. If I was drunk right now, this would be impossible. Still, I manage to pick her up and get through the front door without waking her. The party is winding down, and it seems like it is just about over, since only my close friends (and Tris' friend, Christina) remain.

When I walk into the living room, Christina is sprawled out on the couch, her eyes closed. I guess she won't be taking Tris home. I look around for another option, but I can tell that everyone is either drunk or tipsy. She will just have to stay here tonight. I approach Uriah, who is talking to Marlene. He turns around and does a double take when he sees Tris in my arms.

"What happened?" he asks, sobering up quickly. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She just fell asleep. Is anyone in the guest room?"

"Yeah, Lynn and Marlene already claimed the guest room." He makes an inquisitive noise as he looks around for a solution. "You know what? Put her in my room."

"Uriah."

"Not for that! Get your mind out of the gutter, Four!" I roll my eyes at him. "I meant, she can sleep in there, and I'll just sleep out here on the floor."

"Okay," I sigh, as I start for the stairs. "Thanks, Uri."

He nods before returning his attention to Marlene. I walk up the stairs as steadily as I can, in an attempt not to wake her. Luckily, the music is lower now, since everyone has left, so I don't have to worry about that. Once I'm upstairs, I go into the first room on the left, which I know is Uriah's room. The light from the hallway is just enough so that I can find my way to the bed, only stumbling once over all of the clothes and items on the floor. Unfortunately, that stumble was enough to make her stir. I lay her down gently, just as she opens her eyes slightly and looks around.

"Christina?" she mumbles.

"Christina's downstairs," I say quietly, as I sit on the bed next to her and pull the blanket toward her. "She's already asleep. You're in Uriah's room, and Uriah is gonna sleep downstairs so that you can sleep here."

"Oh," she whispers. "Where are you sleeping?"

"I'm going home," I say. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe first."

"Oh... Thanks," she says the word as if it is a new one for her. I nod my head and stand up to leave. "Four?"

"Yeah?" I say, stopping in my tracks.

"Do you still have that water?"

"No," I chuckle. "But I can go get you some."

"Okay," she mumbles, closing her eyes again.

I stand there, looking at her for a moment before I realize that I should probably go before she opens her eyes again and asks why I'm looking at her. So, I turn and leave the room, slowly closing the door behind me. I head downstairs to find another bottle of water, which shouldn't be hard since everyone was more focused on the beer bottles.

As I pick one up, I start thinking about the kiss. Her lips were so soft, and the kiss itself left me wanting more. I had always known that I had _some_ kind of feelings toward her, but at that moment, I couldn't deny it anymore. But I also know that it was just a drunk kiss for her. Something that she won't even remember in the morning. And if she does, she will pretend it never happened. I can't say that I blame her. I have been noticing her for some time now, but she barely knows me at all.

When I walk back into the room, she is already asleep again. I place the water bottle on the bedside table, hoping that she will see it when she wakes up. I turn to look at her again. Her hair is fanned out around her, her face is completely relaxed, and her mouth is just slightly open. She is definitely out cold. I take a deep breath and inch closer to her. I move the blanket carefully until her arm is uncovered. The sleeve of her jacket is pushed up slightly, which means I don't have to push it up myself, and I am grateful for that.

I glance up at her face one more time to make sure she is still asleep before looking at the dark linear scars on the inside of her wrist. None of them seem to be new. It seems the same as when I last saw them, so I know she hasn't done it since. Still, knowing that she did this at any point in her life pains me. Once I am sure that there are no new lines on her wrist, I cover her with the blanket again and look at her one more time before leaving the room.

When I leave the house, the entire street is quiet and dark. It is pretty late at night. Or early in the morning, depending on how you think about it. I would rather not think of it that way, though, since I haven't even slept yet. When I get into my car, I realize just how tired I am. Between dealing with all of my drunk friends and taking care of Tris, I didn't fully realize how exhausted I was until now. I rub my eyes with my hands and sigh, as I start the car, willing myself to stay awake for the short ride home.

Once I get home, I walk into the house as quietly as I can so as not to wake up Amar. He doesn't mind me going to Zeke's parties or staying out late, but he absolutely hates it when I wake him up. I stalk up the stairs and into my room quietly and fall onto my bed, not even bothering to change before I fall asleep.

The next day, I wake up, still feeling exhausted. I look at the clock on my bedside table and see that it is already noon. I sit up, confused, as I usually don't sleep this late. And yet, I'm still so tired. I drag myself out of bed and trudge downstairs, hoping that eating will wake me up. When I get downstairs, Amar is in the kitchen, already preparing his lunch when I haven't even had breakfast yet. He glances over at me and smirks.

"Good morning, sleepy-head," he teases. "I'm guessing Zeke finally got you to drink?"

"No," I groan. "There was just a lot going on."

"Such as?"

He looks at me, slightly amused, as I lean against the counter and sigh.

"She was at the party," I say, and he raises an eyebrow.

"She was?" He stops what he was doing to stand in front of me, and I nod. "Does she know what you did?"

"I don't think so." I run a hand through my hair nervously. "If she does, she hasn't said anything."

"Well, then, she probably doesn't know," he says, returning to his food. "I still think that you should tell her. If you two become friends, it's just going to be harder to keep it from her. And the longer you do, the more upset she'll be when she finds out."

"I know," I sigh. "Honestly, I wish I could just go back and stop myself from ever saying anything. Then I wouldn't have to worry about this at all."

"Now, you're just being silly." He walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "You did the right thing, Four. You had a bad feeling, so you did something about it. It's possible that if you hadn't, she might not even be here right now."

I feel a sharp twinge of pain at this. As scary as it is to even think about telling her what I did, it is even scarier to imagine what might have happened to her if I didn't say anything. I look up and see that Amar is still looking at me, and I simply nod in response. He pats my shoulder again before returning to the counter and asking if I want something to eat.

* * *

 **TRIS POV**

The first thing I am aware of when I wake up is how intensely dry my mouth is. I groan, as I open my eyes and take in my surroundings. For a moment, I freeze and wonder where I am until my memories of last night start coming back to me. I remember the party, the game of Candor or Dauntless, sitting outside with Four... Though, I don't remember anything past that. In fact, I'm not even sure whose room this is.

I sit up slowly and notice a water bottle on the bedside table. Hoping that it was meant for me, I grab it and take a huge gulp, relieved by the sudden hydration. Then, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and push myself onto my feet. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I take it out. When the screen turns on, I see that I have a gross amount of missed calls and messages from Caleb. I curse under my breath before returning the phone to my pocket and leaving the room to search for Christina.

I run down the stairs and find Christina and Uriah in the living room, talking. When I walk in, they both look up at me and smile.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah says a little too cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I..." I stop, as realization hits me. "Oh, was that your room?"

"Yeah, but it's no biggie!" He grins. "You looked like you needed it more than me!"

Christina giggles, as I roll my eyes.

"Well, anyway," I say, looking at her now. "Caleb is freaking out, so I think I'm gonna go home. Are you gonna come with me?"

"Oh, uhm..." She glances at Uriah and then gives me an apologetic look. "Actually I was thinking about hanging out here for a little while. But I'll text you later?"

"Oh... Okay," I say, trying not to look hurt that my best friend is suddenly more interested in this new group of people. "Well, I'll see you guys later. Thanks for everything, Uriah."

"Any time, Tris!"

I nod and look down, as I leave the room. Luckily, I don't have to stop and talk to anyone else, as I leave the house and walk home. The walk is not too long, but it seems that way because of how exhausted and dehydrated I am. Of course, I've been drunk before, but it still drains me every time. As I walk back, I try to put together what happened last night.

I remember playing that weird Candor or Dauntless game. I remember Uriah asking Four why he's afraid of me, which still confuses me. What makes it more confusing is that Four is the one who took me to get some air and tried to make me drink water after the game. In fact, he was really nice to me.

 _Wait._ Did I kiss Four last night?

I didn't... No, I did. I kissed Four.

As the realization hits me, I groan inwardly at the thought. Sure, he was good-looking. More than good-looking, he was gorgeous. But that didn't change the fact that he's been acting very strange around me since we saw each other at the support group. First, he was looking at me funny, and now apparently, he's afraid of me. Something just seems so off about him. And now, he's probably going to be acting even more odd around me because I kissed him. I could just act as if I don't remember it, but something tells me that he won't buy that.

When I enter the apartment building, I try to push thoughts from the party aside, knowing that I will need a clear head to have this talk with Caleb. When I get to our floor and open the door, he is sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looks up when I walk in. I stop in front of him, knowing that all I have to do is apologize and explain myself, and he will let it go.

"And just where the hell have you been?"

Maybe not.

I raise an eyebrow, as he stands up and walks toward me, clearly angry. I certainly wasn't expecting this reaction. In fact, I haven't seem him this upset in quite some time.

"I was with Christina," I say simply.

"Were you? And why couldn't you answer your phone?"

"Relax, Caleb!"

"I can't relax, Beatrice!" I can see his eyes starting to glisten. "Honestly, you know that I worry about you when you're not around! The way you just wander away without telling anyone, not even Christina! God only knows where you go, I had no way of knowing where you were!"

"Only I _was_ with Christina this time!"

"And how was I supposed to know that when you wouldn't pick up your phone?"

"How am I supposed to wander when you keep me on such a short leash?"

"I have to, Beatrice!" he snaps, making my mouth snap shut. "Don't you realize that this isn't just about you? You're the only family I have left. And when you started wandering and dissociating, I was scared, okay? I was scared that I was going to lose you, too. I was afraid that one day, you would just wander away and never come back. Picking you up from school and keeping tabs on you all the time was the only way I could think to prevent that."

"Caleb-"

"No." He shakes his head, on the verge of tears. "And then, to get that call from the school... Having to leave my classes early because my _baby sister_ was in the hospital for a psych evaluation. To see those cuts on your wrist... Beatrice, you don't understand what that did to me."

There is silence for a moment, as I stare at him, and he stares at the ground.

"And what, you think it was a walk in the park for me?" I say shortly.

"I can't believe you." He shakes his head, still looking down at the ground. "I can't deal with this right now. Any of this."

He turns around and storms off in the direction of his bedroom, leaving me staring after him.

"Caleb!"

He ignores me, as he slams his bedroom door shut behind him. My fists clench up, as pent up anger surges through me. The anger seems to be battling with the sympathy that I feel for my brother, but it doesn't matter. I know that the anger will win. It always does.

Tears sting at my eyes, and my hands are beginning to shake. I know that I cannot stay here. And my only friend is too busy with her new, better friends. So I grab my jacket and walk out of the apartment, deciding to do exactly what Caleb tells me not to.

I wander.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sooo it was so awesome to come back from the trip and see a bunch of reviews, I was so happy! Thank you guys so much!**

 **I know that the whole thing with Four is confusing, but I kinda wanted to write it in a way that you find things out at the same rate that Tris does, so that's why you might not know what's going on with Four. Just wanted to clear that up. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter!**

* * *

 **TRIS POV**

Luckily, it is still pretty early when I leave the apartment, which means that it'll still be pretty safe to walk around. I have wandered at night, but it is always more creepy, and more people stare at you as if they are about to pounce on you. Caleb was furious the first time that I wandered away at night time. Especially since it took him longer to find me because it was so dark out that he could barely see me even when he drove right past me.

But now, the sun is bright and there seems to be an early afternoon lull, as people saunter around instead of rushing. My eyes stay fixed ahead of me, as I walk down the sidewalk. Some people give me looks for my outfit choice, since I didn't bother to change after the party, but I ignore them. I just keep wandering, as my thoughts go racing through my head.

I still feel some anger toward Caleb. I've never appreciated the way that he talks about my situation. He always acts as if it affected him more than me. But _I_ was the one who had a mental breakdown. _I_ was the one who brought the blade to my wrist. _I_ was the one who had to be taken into the hospital, kicking in screaming. And most importantly, _I_ was the one who had to live with all of the bad decisions I've made.

I keep thinking to myself, if I had just worn long sleeves that day, if I cared a little bit more, I wouldn't have gone through all of this. To this day, I wonder who saw my scars and then decided to report me. I wish I could look them in the eye and tell them to mind their own damn business next time. I wish I could tell them how they ruined whatever relationship I had with my only remaining family member. How he panics every time I walk out the door or every time I space out.

Like I am right now. But sometimes, escaping reality is the only way to bear it.

"Well, well, well," I hear someone say. "Look who it is."

I snap out of my thoughts and look up, as I stop walking. I realize that I have managed to walk into a wide alleyway that I know well, seeing as I walked through it all the time to get to Eric's house. Standing in front of me is a tall, muscular man with a smirk on his face. The smirk that I hoped I would never see again.

"What are you doing here, Peter?" I ask bitterly.

"Not quite the magical reunion I was picturing, but I'll take it."

"What are you doing here?" I repeat, as I roll my eyes at him. "I thought you got locked up."

"I did." He nods nonchalantly. "But the thing about having rich parents is that they can bail you out. Probably in less time than it would take for you to visit your parents in the graveyard."

I feel a rush of anger surge through me, but I force myself to stand still, knowing that he wants me to react. I cannot let him have that power over me. Not anymore. Still, as I stand here in front of him, I feel everything that I used to feel in our time together. Fear, anger, helplessness.

"Anyway," he continues. "I could ask what you're doing here. You never came this way unless you were going to Eric's house."

"There's other things in this direction," I mutter.

"So, where are you headed?" he asks, looking amused.

"None of your business."

"Now, Tris, don't be like that." My body tenses up, as he starts walking toward me. "Remember how much fun we used to have?"

"I don't think that what we did would count as fun," I say, stepping back.

"It was fun for me." He shrugs his shoulders. "And you were perfect for me. Weak, quiet-"

"I'm not weak."

My voice cracks, and he smirks at me, as he continues to walk toward me. I feel something cold and stiff against my back, and I realize that I have reached the wall. By the time I realize it, he is too close for me to duck around him. He puts his hands on the wall on either side of my head and stares down at me. My heart is racing with fear, just like it used to. I know from experience that he could do anything he wanted to from this position, and I know from experience that I am not strong enough to fight him off.

"Leave me alone, Peter," I say as forcefully as I can.

"I don't know if you forgot while I was gone," he says steadily. "But I don't like it when you talk to me like that."

My mind starts racing. I know that I need to get away from him and get away from here. Before I can overthink it, I bring my hands to his shoulders and push him as hard as I can. I manage to push him back just inches.

He looks at me, and I can tell that he is shocked that I fought back, since that is something that I never did when he used to hurt me. That only lasts for a second before anger appears on his face. I brace myself, as he looks at me the same way he always did before he attacked.

"Hey!"

My head turns in the direction of the opening of the alley. There stands none other than Four. I stare at him, wondering what he is doing here, as he walks toward us. I look back at Peter, who is glaring at him.

"Who the hell are you?" Peter says.

"I'm a friend of the girl that you're cornering in the back of an alley," he says angrily.

I've never seen Four like this. Granted, I haven't know him long, but it is still odd that he is coming to help me like this. It is odd that he even knew I was back here to begin with. I don't have much time to think about it, as I watch Four and Peter glare at each other.

"Look, it's not like that. We were just having a talk," Peter lies. "So why don't you run along and find another conversation to butt into?"

Four stares at him for a moment before looking at me. I give him a look, and he shakes his head.

"If she tells me that everything is fine, I'll leave."

"Great," Peter snorts. "Well, everything _is_ fine."

Four stares at me intently, as Peter just stares at me knowingly. As if he thinks I'm going to tell Four that everything is fine so that he can go on harassing me. And when we were together, I would have done just that. But as I stare back at Four, I feel my strength rebuilding inside me, and I know that I cannot let Peter control me.

"No," I finally say. "It's not fine."

"Really?" Peter says, showing his anger again. "You fucking bitch!"

As Peter says this, I can almost see something snap in Four. Before I can even think to stop him, he has grabbed Peter by the shoulders and shoved him against the wall. Peter struggles against him, but it is obvious that Four is the stronger of the two, as he holds him there and blocks all of the punches and kicks that Peter tries.

"You do not talk to her like that," Four growls.

I stand there in shock, as I see something that I never thought I would see. A flash of fear passes over Peter's eyes before he stares at Four evenly again. I have never seen Peter scared before, and even though I am not the one inflicting it, it still makes me feel a little happy. I watch as Four leans in close to him and says something else that I cannot hear before telling him to leave. Finally, he lets go of his shoulders and Peter stares at him for a moment before looking at me.

"This isn't over, Tris," he says.

Something about the look in his eyes tells me that he isn't lying. I try not to think about it, as I watch him walk out of the alley, looking defeated for once in his life. Four takes a deep breath and looks up at me with a conflicted expression.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I simply nod in response, as he approaches me.

"You didn't have to do that," I mutter. "But thanks."

"Of course." He looks at me for a moment before he starts walking. "Come on, let's get out here."

As we walk to the opposite end of the alleyway, I look at Four. I never really know how to feel about him. First, he's afraid of me and then, he's nice to me and now, he's just saved me from my violent ex-boyfriend. I know that if I ask him why he's acting like this, he won't give a real answer, so I decide to ask the question that's been on my mind since the moment I saw him in the alley.

"How did you know that I was back there?"

He glances at me, as we walk down the sidewalk.

"I was taking a walk of my own," he says, still staring straight ahead. "I saw you walk by, and you looked like you were in some kind of trance. I don't know, I felt like something was off, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"So, you followed me," I say, since he obviously doesn't want to say it.

"Yes." He sighs. "I followed you."

"That's creepy, Four."

He stops and turns to face me, and I feel a twinge of guilt for saying that. We stay silent for a moment, and it looks as if he is searching for the right thing to say. I am vaguely aware of the people walking around us, as we stand there staring at each other.

"Sorry," I say finally, as I look down. "I mean, it was kinda creepy, but I guess it's a good thing you did."

He doesn't say anything. When I look up, he has an amused smile on his face.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing." He shrugs, still smiling. "I just don't think I've ever heard an apology so half-assed before."

"And I don't think I've ever met anyone as confusing as you," I retort, and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"Confusing? In what way?"

"The way you act around me, for one," I say. "At first, you wouldn't even look me in the eye. And then, out of nowhere, you were taking care of me when I was drunk and you were really nice."

"Fair enough." He crosses his arms, and I try not to look at the muscles on them. "How about this? I'll explain myself if you explain yourself."

"What do you want to know about me?" I ask, surprised.

"Well, considering we just met, there's a lot of ground to cover." I roll my eyes at this. "For example, how you ended up with a guy like that."

"How do you know we were together?"

"It was pretty obvious," he says, looking down at the sidewalk.

I watch him for a moment, as I consider this. If I accept the offer, I could finally have some of my questions answered, and I would be able to stay out even longer. After all, if I say no, I will most likely just end up wandering again since Christina is busy, and I don't want to face Caleb yet. Besides, I suppose there are worse ways to spend free time than talking to Four.

"Fine," I say, making him look up at me. "But if I don't want to answer something, I'm not going to."

"Likewise," he says with a smirk. "So, do you want to go somewhere instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk?"

I nod my head and think for a moment before gesturing for him to follow me, as I start walking again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Thank you guys so much for your feedback and support, I really appreciate all of you!**

 **Unfortunately, I won't be able to update as much as usual since the semester just started up again and I also have two jobs, but I'm trying to do it weekly so let's hope that works out!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like the chapter! The next one may or may not be in Four's POV!**

* * *

Four and I do not talk much, as we walk down the street. My phone buzzes, as Caleb texts and calls me to ask where I am, but I do not answer any of them. He must have just recently realized I was gone. Now, I am in that grace period where he is only calling me and not yet in his car looking for me.

"Are you gonna answer?" Four asks when I look at my phone for the fifth time.

I shrug my shoulders and text Caleb back, only saying that I am fine. He texts back, asking where I am. I shove my phone into my pocket, refusing to answer that question.

We continue walking in silence, and I'm surprised that he hasn't yet asked where I'm leading him. I lead him to a park where the walkways are lined with trees and benches, and there is a lake hidden by the trees. There is a bridge further into the park as well, but I decide not to take him there. I usually end up hiding under that bridge when I want to get away from Caleb, so I would like to keep that place to myself.

I look around, trying to decide where to settle. As I look around, I start wandering toward the lake, but Four nudges my shoulder and turns around.

"Follow me," he says.

"What?"

He doesn't respond, as he starts walking further into the park. I roll my eyes and start following him, knowing that there is no point in trying to stop him.

"We could talk while we walk, you know," he says, staring straight ahead.

"Okay, then let me ask the first question. Where are you going?"

" _We_ ," he says with a smirk. "You're still following me, after all."

"Fine, _we._ " I sigh. "Where are _we_ going?"

"Just a place where I used to go to be alone." I open my mouth to ask another question, and he smiles. "Just trust me, please."

I roll my eyes and look straight ahead of me, as we continue to walk. There is not much to look at on this path. Just tree after tree. At least in the other direction, we would have come across the bridge. This way just seems so boring and quiet.

I watch as Four steps off of the path and starts walking between the trees, and I follow him, ducking to avoid the branches. Leafs crunch under my boots, as we continue to crouch through the trees. I have never walked this far into the park, that I can remember at least. And I've never gone off the path like this before.

"Ow!" I yelp, as I hit my head against a stray branch.

"Are you okay?" He looks back at me, and I simply nod. "Here, let me help you."

He offers his hand, but I shake my head.

"I can do it," I say, as I come up beside him.

"I never said you couldn't."

I look up at him, and he is still staring at me with his hand out, waiting for mine. The way that he looks at me gives me a strange feeling, and I find myself unable to look away. He stands there, holding out his hand. And I stand there, wondering why I want to take it.

I place my hand in his before I can overthink it. When his fingers close around mine, I feel a strange sensation, a kind of warmth that I've never really felt before. He looks at me for a moment, the beginning of a smile on his lips, but I look down.

"Can we go now?" I nearly whisper.

He chuckles before he starts walking again, our hands still connected. It feels so strange. Even in the few times that Peter held my hand, it didn't feel like this. Holding Peter's hand felt like an obligation. It was always rough, especially since he usually grabbed my hand so that he could tug me alone behind him. As confusing as it is to think that I am holding Four's hand, I cannot deny that it feels way better than Peter's. His hands are hard and callous, yet his grip is so surprisingly gentle. Instead of feeling obligated, I just feel safe. As though he is guiding me, not forcing me to follow him.

"Here it is," he says, as we duck past the last trees.

I look around and realize that we are in a small clearing that must have been covered by the trees. There is a rock barrier between the small strip of land and the edge of the lake, and he points to the area.

"I usually sit right over there," he continues. "So that I can touch the water."

I nod my head and look up at him to find that he is already looking down at me. At that moment, I become incredibly aware of the fact that my hand is still in his. He seems to realize this at the same time, as he looks down and drops my hand before walking toward the grassy area. I follow behind him, trying to ignore the fact that my hand now feels unpleasantly cold. We sit down in the grass, and I touch my fingertips to the water.

"Okay," I say. "So how should we do this?"

"Well, we can alternate," he suggests. "I'll ask a question, and then you can ask a question."

"Okay. But I stand by what I said. If I don't want to answer something, I won't."

"I know, Tris." He chuckles. "I'll start with something easy. How did you and Christina meet?"

 _Easy_. While it is very easy to explain, I know that Four would have something to say about it. To an outsider, it would sound wrong that Christina offered me a cigarette instead of simply comforting me, and I know that Four would say something along those lines. But to me, I know that that _was_ Christina's way of comforting me, and I am happy that she did.

"Pass," I say quietly.

"Really?" He quirks his eyebrows at me, and I nod my head. "Okay. You can ask one, then."

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "How did you and Uriah meet?"

"That's your question?"

"I guess. I mean, you two seem pretty different. I wouldn't guess off the bat that you guys would be friends. I mean he's so cheery and nice and you're..."

"What, mean and quiet?" I nod my head, and he rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well, I met his brother first. Zeke. The two of them were kinda like a package deal."

"OKay..." He looks at me curiously after a moment of silence. "Well, since you barely answered, I'm asking another question. What's your real name?"

"What makes you think Four isn't my real name?" He chuckles, as I make a face at him. "Fine. I can't really tell you, but-"

"Okay, this isn't gonna work." I laugh. "We're both too secretive for this."

I look at him, and the look that he is giving me sends chills through me. The smile disappears from my face, as I stare back at him. After a moment, he sighs and looks down.

"Tris, I have a question for you," he says softly. "If you answer that question, even if you don't want to, then I'll tell you my name."

"Okay," I say after a moment of silent consideration.

"Tobias," he mutters almost inaudibly.

"What?"

"Tobias. My name is Tobias." He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "But my parents were the only ones who ever called me that. Long story short, my childhood wasn't exactly the best. My mother is... gone, and my father is in jail now. One of my mother's friends took me in and raised me as his own, and he also had my name changed so that I would never have to hear my real one again."

"Why did he choose 'Four'?" I ask carefully.

"That's how old I was when my mother died."

"I'm sorry."

And I mean it. The pain in his eyes as he looks at me makes me wish that I knew what to say. He tries to fake a smile, but it disappears just as quickly as it appears on his face.

I find myself thinking that maybe we are not as different as I thought we were. Both of us have lost our parents. Both of us have tried to create a new identity for ourselves. Both of us like to keep secrets, but I'm glad he didn't keep this one. I feel as though I have formed a significant connection with him just from this tidbit of information.

"It's okay," he says, still looking at me. "It's over now."

"Yeah," is all I can think to say.

I consider asking why his father is in jail, but I know that he is already uncomfortable having told me so much. When I look at him, he is looking down and running a hand through his hair nervously. Suddenly, an idea comes into my mind.

"My name is Beatrice." He looks at me and smiles slightly. "But I don't like being called that either."

"Then, I won't call you that." I can't help but smile back at him at this. "But you can call me Tobias, if you want to. When we're alone, I mean."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think it might be nice to hear it, especially from someone who actually understands. Now, can I ask you my question?"

I nod my head, wishing that I hadn't said that I would answer even if I didn't want to. He looks at me, as if he's considering whether or not he should actually ask. I look down, knowing that I might not want him to see my reaction to whatever this question is.

I run my fingertips over the grass beneath me, trying to ignore the feeling of his eyes on me. I extend my legs out until my heel is a centimeter away from the water, as we sit in a tense silence. Finally, he breaks it.

"Why did you join the support group?"

"I told you," I say, still watching the grass. "Matthews made me."

"I know that." He nudges my shoulder with his, and I look up at him. "I meant the real reason."

I look at him for a moment, considering how much I should tell him. I know that I should be afraid to tell him the truth, but for some odd reason, I am not afraid. We did not get off to a very good start. But I must say that something about him makes me feel safe.

When I was with Peter, I was afraid to tell him anything, to say or do anything around him. I was afraid of everything, and I was weak and quiet just like he said. But when I talk to Four, I don't feel so weak and afraid.

When I was drunk around Peter, I knew that he would do anything in his power to take advantage of that. When I was drunk with Four, he could have done anything to me, but he didn't. Instead, he took care of me, and he wouldn't even let me kiss him because he knew I wasn't in the right mind.

He protected me when he found me with Peter, even when there was nothing in it for him. He trusted me with something that nobody, not even his best friends, know about him. While I can't really place what his intentions are, I have a strange feeling that I can trust him, at least with this information.

"Don't say a word to anyone," I say quietly. "I'll tell everyone your secret if you tell anyone about mine."

"That's fair," he says.

"Okay, well, the real reason is because I went to the hospital a little while ago," I say to the grass instead of him. "Near the beginning of the school year actually. Someone was worried about me apparently, so they reported me, and I had to go in for a psych evaluation."

I tug on the sleeve of my jacket, deciding not to mention the fact that the person who reported me did so because of the scars on my wrist.

"When they let me out, Matthews made me join the support group. She said it was for my own good, but I know it was because of Al. Did you know him?" I look at him briefly, and he nods his head solemnly. "He was one of my only friends."

As I say it, I can almost feel the same stab of pain in my chest that I felt when I first found out that Al was gone. Al and I had a very odd relationship, but he was the only one that I could talk to when I felt like hurting myself. We were close in an odd way, but we were close nonetheless.

But I didn't cry. And I felt awful because I knew that I should be crying over my friend's death, but I couldn't. I knew how hard things were for him. I knew that he wanted to leave this world as much as I did. As hard as it was to lose him, it gave me an odd type of comfort that he was in a place where he would no longer have to face pain and suffering every day.

"He always seemed like a nice guy," he says, breaking me from my thoughts.

I nod my head, grateful that he didn't get mad at me for spacing out like everyone else does.

"Yeah, he was," I mutter to myself. "Anyway, that's why she made me join. Not because she cares about me, but because she wouldn't want to handle anymore bad press if I did something to myself too."

"Don't worry about her. Other people care about you."

"I guess," I say instead of blatantly disagreeing.

"They do," he insists. "I do."

"You?" I look at him, and he nods. "You barely know me."

"I know enough."

I shift uncomfortably as he gives me a small smile. He puts his hand over mine, which is still resting on top of the grass. My first thought is to move my hand away, but I don't. I feel frozen yet warm at the same time. Frozen where I am, yet appreciating the warmth that radiates through my body when he is near it.

"Why?" I ask. "Why do you care?"

He looks at me for a moment, his mouth opening slightly as if he is going to say something. But he stops. He looks around for a moment and shakes his head.

"Because you're a good person, Tris," he says quietly. "Whether you believe it or not, you deserve a lot."

"Okay," I say, cutting him off because I've gotten this speech before from Caleb.

"I'm serious, Tris," he says more intently this time. "I know that life hasn't been kind to you. It hasn't been kind to me either. And I know I can't do anything about it when bad things happen to you. But I at least want to be there for you when it happens."

"But why me?" I try again.

He looks at me and shakes his head, a strange look in his eyes.

"I can't tell you why," he says. "But I can tell you that you matter to me."

He curls his fingers into the spaces between mine, and I feel an odd feeling just at this simple sign of affection. I want to argue that I don't matter, but I'm afraid that even if I opened my mouth, my voice wouldn't come out. I want to argue that he has no reason to care about me so much, but I realize that I like the way he is looking at me. Nobody has ever looked at me like this before. And while I'm not entirely sure what it means, I can't bring myself to look away.

The longer we stare at each other, the closer he gets to me. I don't know who is leaning in or when we even started leaning in. It's scary and exhilarating and comforting all at the same time, and I don't want it to stop.

His forehead touches mine, and I can sense that his lips are close to mine. My heart is racing, and I feel warmer than I've ever felt before. I am brought back to the party, the first time I kissed Four. It is hard to remember exactly how it felt because of all the alcohol that was in my system. But I can't deny that it feels amazing now, and we haven't even kissed yet.

He brings his other hand up to my cheek, his thumb stroking the area softly. It makes me wonder how someone so strong and harsh-looking could possibly be so soft and gentle at the same time.

His lips brush against mine, and suddenly, I am brought back to a different memory. Images begin to flash across my mind. Images of Peter, images of Eric.

 _Grabbing me, pulling me, forcing their lips against mine. Yelling, hitting, fighting, crying._

"Stop!"

I pull away and push Four's hand away from my face without thinking. As I come back to my senses, I can see that he looks hurt by the sudden change in my behavior. My mind is already racing, and now the look on his face is making me feel incredibly guilty.

 _Pull yourself together,_ I think to myself.

Something that my mother used to say to me all the time, and yet I still struggle with it.

I push myself off of the ground, ready to run away like I always do when I am about to panic, but Four stands up as well and grabs my hand.

"Tris, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he says. "But you don't have to leave."

"No, I do because I, uhm..." I pull my hand away, wishing that my voice would stop shaking. "Caleb. He's gonna be really mad, so I have to go."

I rush away without giving him a chance to respond. His eyes follow me until I am too far for him to see me. Even when I am sure that he is not following me, I don't slow down. It's like my panic is fueling my legs to walk faster and faster.

When I finally reach the apartment building, I swing open the door and enter the room without slowing down. Caleb is sitting on the couch, and he looks up as soon as I walk in.

"Beatrice!"

I do not respond, as I continue to rush into my room where I then close and lock the door behind me. Caleb bangs on the door and yells for me to come out, but I ignore him as I collapse onto my bed.

I do not cry. Instead, I simply stare at the wall and let all of my negative feelings devour me. I let images of Four, Peter, Eric, Al and even my parents flash through my mind, like they always do when I have these episodes. I don't even try to stop it.

Caleb is still yelling at me, begging me to open the door, pleading for me to not do anything to myself. He must think that I locked the door so that I could hurt myself, but I don't. I just lay here until Caleb pushes my door open a few minutes later, effectively breaking the lock.

He rushes over to me and shakes me, but I can't bring myself to look at him. I can hear him crying, as he rests his hand on my shoulder. I know that it is hard for him when I have these episodes, but I imagine that he is mostly crying from relief because he didn't walk in on me hurting myself this time.

I have no idea how long he sits there, his hand on my shoulder, as he tries to talk me out of my trance. As much as I want to say I don't care, I know that I do care. I care a lot.

Not only that this is affecting Caleb so much, but also because all of these people who have wronged me still have so much power over me.

I will never be able to shake the feeling of Eric's hands on my body, as he tried to force me into sleeping with him. I will never forget the way that Peter looked at me when he was about to hit me. The way that my father yelled at me, and the way that my mother justified him. The way that Al told me to hold onto life just before taking his own.

As confusing as it is to me, I want to be open to Four. I want to form a connection with him, but I know that I will never be able to when all of these people still live within my mind.

"It's gonna be okay, Beatrice," I hear Caleb whisper.

And more than anything, I just hope that he is right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay! So, multiple POV switches in this chapter! I decided that I wanted to try a different kind of structure, so if you guys absolutely hate it, let me know, and I'll go back to the way I've been writing it. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy all of the new information provided in this chapter! Let me know what you guys think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

Caleb had to go in early for class today, which meant that I had to come to the school an hour early because he didn't trust me to walk myself. Things are still pretty tense between us after this weekend, so we didn't speak much on the ride here. In fact, things were pretty quiet until I slammed the car door behind me as hard as I could.

I considered texting Christina to come and meet me, but I knew that she would kill me for waking her up earlier than I needed to. So, now, I find myself wandering around the school aimlessly. The halls are quiet and empty except for the occasional clicking of heels on teachers who came in early. Besides that, the entire place is so eerily quiet that I feel like I might lose my mind. I consider going out for a cigarette, but I know that I would be caught right away since there are no other students around to distract attention away from me.

As I wander into one of the hallways, I hear the faint sound of a piano. Curious, I follow the sound until I find myself standing in front of a set of double doors at the end of the hallway. I recognize it as the music room, as I had my required music class in here, but I haven't really been in it since then. I push one of the doors open slowly, knowing that whoever is in there will not even hear me over the music they are playing. I peek my head in and see a dark-skinned boy with his back facing me, as his fingers dance over the piano keys.

I walk in, slowly closing the door behind me so that it doesn't make a sound. For a moment, I watch the boy to make sure that it is in fact who I think it is before I make my presence known. He finishes the song that he was playing and sighs, his fingers still resting on the keys.

"Uriah?"

He spins around, a surprised look on his face. The look is replaced by his signature grin, as he looks back at me.

"No way!" he says, as he swings his legs over the bench to face me. "Hey, Tris! How long were you standing there?"

"Only a few seconds," I say with a shrug, as I approach him.

"Oh! So, what brings you here? Do you want to sit?"

I can't help but smile at how much this boy reminds me of an over-excited puppy. I shrug my shoulders, and he moves over so that I can sit next to him on the bench.

"Well, I was kinda wandering around, and then I heard some music," I explain. "Figured I would see who was behind it."

"Ah!" He wiggles his eyebrows. "So, you like what you heard?"

I can't help but laugh a little, as he grins at me again. He nudges my shoulder with his, as he starts playing a quick, upbeat tune.

"Do you know what?" he asks. "Christina told me that you've made some songs of your own."

"Christina told you that?"

He nods, and I roll my eyes, knowing that he is not looking at me. Christina is the only one that knows that I write songs, and I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that she told Uriah about it.

"Can I hear one?" he asks.

"I don't know."

"How about this," he says, as he stops playing. "A secret for a secret. I'll tell you something to hear one of your songs."

"Really?" He nods. "Why would you do that?"

"I consider us friends, Tris. Don't you?"

He looks at me. Though he is still smiling, it seems different now. It seems more like the nervous smile of a child who isn't quite sure what to expect of the people around him. The look creates some sympathy in me, although I'm not quite sure why. Whatever the reason, I know that I cannot bring myself to tell him otherwise. Not when he is being so surprisingly genuine.

"I guess so, Uriah."

"Thanks." His smile widens. "So, what do you say?"

"I guess it depends on how good the secret is," I say with a smirk.

"I'm an open book. Ask me anything you want!"

I stop to think for a moment. I don't want to ask him why is in the support group. At the last meeting, he briefly mentioned that he wanted to get better at accepting the past. I suppose that talking about the past right now wouldn't really help with that goal. Still, I don't know much else about Uriah, and I'm not even sure where to begin.

I think back to the party at Zeke's house, back to the game of Candor or Dauntless, and I remember how Lynn dared him to go an entire weekend without cake. While it may be a stupid question with an even dumber answer, I cannot think of anything else. Besides, when I look at Uriah's sweet, naive smile, I know that I cannot ask him anything intense, as I do not want to knock him down and stop him from smiling.

Still, when I ask him about it, he chuckles briefly, his smile faltering for a moment.

"That's what you want to know about?"

"I'm going easy on you," I say.

He shakes his head, still smiling slightly, as he looks down at the piano.

"All my friends know that," he says. "They all know I'm obsessed with cake, but only a couple of them know why."

I nod my head, and he continues.

"My father and I were really close when I was little. I mean, all three of us were. But sometimes, Zeke could be a bit of a bully since he was older. My dad always noticed and felt bad for me. So, some nights, when Zeke was a little too rough on me, he would take me aside and we would sit and eat a piece of cake together..."

He smiles sadly, and I feel a twinge of guilt for asking this question.

"We would just sit there and eat cake, at least once a week. After he died... I just kept doing it by myself. It hurt, but it reminded me of him. I know it sounds stupid that a piece of cake makes me feel like my father is with me again, but it does. I miss him all the time. But when I eat cake, it's like I can pretend that he's sitting there with me like he used to. Does that make sense?"

I sit there for a moment, not knowing what to say. It is only when he looks at me hopefully that I force myself to speak.

"Yes," I croak. "It makes sense."

"So, do me a favor." I nod wordlessly. "When we're playing Candor or Dauntless next, don't ask me to go without cake."

He smiles at this, and I find myself laughing even though I'm not entirely sure if I should be. He nudges my shoulder, still smiling, as he starts playing an upbeat tune again.

"You know, I would still rather not sing for you."

"I figured as much." He shrugs his shoulders. "But maybe, if I keep telling you secrets, you will one day."

"Maybe," I snort.

"Anyway, I've found that music is one of the best ways to cope with things. It'd be cool to have someone to jam out with!"

He continues to play, as I consider the offer. As of now, I am not entirely sure where I stand with Christina, my only real friend. I am not quite sure how to feel about Four. I suppose it would be nice to have someone else to go to, even if that person is rather childish. That childishness does manage to bring a smile to my face, anyway. It's the type of innocence that people would do anything to maintain, but it is so rare nowadays. When I look at his goofy grin, all I want to do is make sure it stays there as long as possible.

After all, we are both hurting horribly. But if one of us can keep smiling through it, then it really should stay that way.

"Okay," I say, making him look up at me. "Maybe just one song."

* * *

As Christina and I sit under the bleachers later that day, I cannot deny that I do feel a bit lighter. It was odd to share one of my songs with Uriah, but it was still somehow fun to sit there while he tried to figure out chords for it. Luckily, I only have to go to school early on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday because that it when Caleb has his early classes. So, Uriah promised me that by Friday morning, he would be able to play a piano part for it.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Christina says, breaking the silence. "Don't lie."

I roll my eyes. Christina is basically a human lie detector test, which means that I know better than to even try to lie to her. Still, I am afraid to tell her that I am mad at her because I do not want to argue with her.

"I _was,_ " I say, deciding that that is probably the safest answer. "I mean, I felt ditched. Like you would rather hang out with these people you barely know than me."

"Please." She rolls her eyes, as she takes a long drag.

"I'm serious, Chris."

"I just wanted to talk to Uriah." She shrugs her shoulders. "I thought he was cute, but I'm over it."

"Over it?"

"Yeah. He's a little _too_ cute. Like, happy-go-lucky cute. I want someone a little more mature."

"I'm sure he could be mature," I say, remembering the way he spoke about his father. "Maybe, he's just a joker on the outside, but when you get to know him-"

"That's great, Tris," she snaps. "But you didn't listen when I said to give Eric a chance, so why should I listen to you?"

My mouth snaps shut, as she glares at me, and I find myself at a complete lack of words. Christina and I have argued before, but she has never looked at me this harshly before. And she certainly hasn't hit me with such a low blow before. She rolls her eyes and looks away, as she kills her cigarette.

"Look, I'm sorry," she says, picking up her bag. "I'm just feeling out of it."

"Why?" I ask.

"Don't worry about it." She throws her bag over her shoulders and starts walking. "I'll see you later, okay?"

I call after her, but she keeps walking without looking back. I stare after her, not knowing what to do. This has never happened before, after all. Even my emotions are at war, as I try to figure out if I am worried, upset, or angry. Or maybe, a mix of all three.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

As I walk back into the school, I feel tears stinging at my eyes, but I force them to stay back. That is, until I reach the bathroom. I lock myself in one of the stalls, and finally the tears start pouring out. I gasp and shudder, and I find myself incredibly grateful that nobody else is in here right now.

I feel bad for reacting to Tris the way that I did, but I couldn't help it. Of course, I liked Uriah. He was sweet and funny and cute, but none of that matters. Because, honestly, I am still broken. I still miss Will every single day. I think of him every single day. Uriah could be the most amazing man in the world, and I would still push him away in fear of betraying Will.

Logically, I know that he would want me to move on and be happy. But emotionally, I cannot bring myself to do it.

I wipe the tears off of my face, as I take my phone out of my pocket and start typing with shaking hands.

 _I'm sorry,_ I write. _I'm sure you're mad at me, but I still love you._

I press the send button hesitantly. Quite honestly, I'm not sure how she has put up with me for this long, but I have to hope that she will continue to do so. Sure, I love being around other people like Myra, Lauren, and all of them. But she is completely different from them. Tris will always go along with anything I say or do.

When I used to do counseling, I would tell my counselor all about our friendship. My counselor once told me that he felt that our friendship was a bit unhealthy. Not for me, but for Tris. I denied that, of course, but the thought never left my mind.

My phone chimes, and I look down at the screen.

 _I am a little mad,_ she writes back. _But I love you too._

Quite honestly, I feel bad about it sometimes, but I know that she would never leave me.

* * *

 **Four POV**

Whenever my father had people over, he would force me to stay in my room and then tell the guests that I was out with friends. Which would have been a valid excuse if he let me have friends, but none of his colleagues really cared where I was.

Since my room was just across from the top of the stairs, I would always leave my door cracked so that I could discreetly watch them come in. One day, I heard a knock at the door, and I peeked out of my own door to see who it was today. In walked Andrew Prior, but this time, there was a little girl trailing behind him with her head down. I watched, suddenly interested, since none of his coworkers had ever brought children with them. Andrew explained to my father that his wife and son were working on a service project, but his daughter was too young to go with them, so he brought her along. My father said that it was all right and tried to welcome the girl, but she barely spoke.

For the next hour, I laid on my mattress, listening to the muffled sound of my father and Andrew's voices. Until suddenly, my ears perked up at the sound of a glass breaking. There was silence for a moment until the girl could be heard saying something that sounded like "I'm sorry". As the two men started speaking again, I heard footsteps approaching the front of the house rather quickly. I peeked out of my door again and saw the little girl sitting down on the front step of the stairs with her head to her knees and her shoulders shaking.

The sound of her crying tore me apart. For a moment, I considered coming out of my hiding spot to tell her that it was okay, that it was just a glass. But I froze when I heard more footsteps approaching. My father carried a garbage bag, most likely containing the broken glass and opened up the front door, as Andrew stood in front of the girl.

"No need to cry, you hear?" my father said, faking a smile.

"Oh, she'll be all right," Andrew said, returning the smile. "She's just embarrassed."

My father nodded and went outside to throw the glass into the trashcans. As soon as the door closed behind him, Andrew turned back to the girl, and I found myself shocked at the sudden change in his demeanor. The smile was gone from his face, replaced by anger.

"Get up." She did. "Should have just left you alone in the goddamn house. You know, I've had about enough of your stupidity today."

"I'm sorry," she squeaked, still crying.

"Stop crying, Beatrice," he said, leaning down to grab her shoulders. "What are you, a baby? Shut up!"

He looked over his shoulders, as if to check that my father was still outside. And then, he roughly pushed her back into a sitting position by her shoulders and gave her a disgusted look, as she continued to cry.

"Sit there and think about what you did. And don't think about pulling any crap like this again. I won't let you off so easily next time."

The door swung open, as my father walked back in. I watched, horrified, as a smile returned to Andrew's face.

"Is she all right?" my father asked politely.

"She is." Andrew nodded. "She just needs some time alone."

Finally, they walked together back to the kitchen, leaving Beatrice crying on the stairs. I wanted so badly to go down the stairs and hug her. To tell her that I understood what was going on and that we weren't all that different. I wanted so badly to tell her that everything would be okay, but I knew what would happen if my father caught me. So, I just sat there, watching the back of Beatrice's head, as she cried.

And in that moment, I vowed that I would find a way to help her if I ever saw her again.

* * *

I open my eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the sunlight that is now pouring into the room. I groan, realizing that I had gone into a mix of a daydream and a real dream after I had hit the snooze button on my alarm. Normally, I do not use the snooze button, but I decide to excuse myself since it is Friday morning, one of my least favorite days. Luckily, when I look at the time, I see that I still have more than enough time.

Groaning, I push myself out of bed and head for the closet where I then dress myself in a black T-shirt and jeans. Creative as ever.

Once I have finished getting ready, I grab my things and start walking downstairs. Amar is already at the kitchen table, eating breakfast before he has to go off to work. He looks up and nods his head at me when I enter, probably because his mouth is too full for him to speak. I nod back, as I sit down in front of him. I rest my head in my hand. I'm not hungry enough to eat anything, but I still do not feel ready to leave.

Part of me is excited to see Tris at the support group later, but part of me is afraid of that. Ever since our encounter on Saturday, I have been wanting to speak to her. I couldn't for the rest of the weekend, seeing as I do not have her phone number, and I didn't get to find her during school all week. Because she is in a different year than me, her classes are in different halls than mine.

"What's going on in that beautiful mind, Four?" Amar asks with a smile.

I roll my eyes, as he chuckles. I told him about what happened between Tris and me on Saturday, so my guess is that he already knows what I'm thinking about. Still, he stares at me, waiting for an answer.

"I'm just nervous, I guess," I say. "I don't know what I'm going to say to her. If she even lets me talk to her, that is."

"Mhm," he replies, as he returns his attention to his food. "Well, Four, just remember what we talked about. You regret the things you _don't_ say-"

"Far more than the things you do," I say with a nod, and he chuckles.

"Do I really repeat myself that much?" he asks.

"You do," I say, and he gives me a look. "But you're right."

He nods and smiles, as I stand up and pick up my book bag.

"Are you going to tell her what you did today?" he asks.

"I don't know," I sigh. "I want to, but I don't know."

"Well, you already know what I think," he says. "Either way, good luck, Four."

"I'll need it," I mutter, as I turn to leave.

I hear Amar chuckle, as I leave the house. Throughout the entire drive to school, fear courses through me. I have no idea what to expect out of today. And I am in no way ready to tell Tris what I did, especially now when she is probably still upset with me.


	7. Chapter 7

**So I've been updating this story way more than my others, and I just realized that lol! But it's because I'm so horribly busy. This story I can write rather quickly, but the others I have such horrible writer's block! Life of a writer, I suppose? :P**

 **Well, anyway, since you guys liked the structure of the last chapter, I decided to keep going with it. I hope you guys like it! :)**

* * *

 _Choose your last words,_  
 _This is the last time_  
 _Cause you and I_  
 _We were born to die_

 **Uriah POV**

As I play the piano part that I put together, I don't think much about the nice sound of Tris' voice. Instead, I focus on the lyrics. It is amazing that she wrote them herself. Even the lyrics that make it to the radio aren't this good. Even the story behind it is incredible.

Tris told me that she wrote this song when she first started dating her ex-boyfriend. She said that she found it so thrilling that somebody really loved her, or at least she thought he did. But at the same time, she felt miserable with him, but she kept holding on because she wanted to be loved. It was heart-breaking to hear, and even more surprising that she even told me this. But I'm glad that she did tell me. I feel as if she is finally starting to trust me, which is great because I want to be a friend to her.

I feel bad sitting here with her, since I know that Four is losing his mind over the fact that he hasn't gotten to talk to her yet. But I'm hoping that if we become closer friends, then maybe she'll believe me when I tell her that Four is a good guy and not at all like her ex-boyfriend.

"Nice sound, Uriah," she says, as I take my fingers off the keys.

"Me?" I grin at her, and she smiles back shyly. "All I did was bang on some keys. You made it amazing!"

"Shut up," she says, laughing.

"I'm serious! These lyrics are amazing!" She gives me a look, and I push her playfully. "Just take the compliment, Tris!"

"Fine." She rolls her eyes. "Thank you."

"Any time!"

She rolls her eyes again, as I start tapping at random keys.

"So, Christina suggested that we come to your house again tonight," she says.

"You should!" I say, still looking down at the piano. "It'll be fun."

"I guess."

I look up, finally, and notice that she is staring down at the ground. All the while, she tugs at the end of her ponytail nervously. It is not until I nudge her that she looks up and fakes a smile.

"What's the matter?" I ask. "Did I get too drunk last time? Was I too much to handle?"

"No." She snorts. "It's not that."

"It's Four."

She looks up at me, a bit surprised, but the look passes quickly. She sighs and nods her head before returning her eyes to the floor.

"I don't know." She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I'm just not ready to face him. I'm a little scared."

"I didn't think you were afraid of anything!"

"That's not true."

"You're right." I grin. "Four is pretty scary, no matter how fearless you are."

She laughs again and shakes her head slightly. I wonder if now is the time to talk him up, but she speaks again before I can make a decision.

" _He_ doesn't scare me, though," she says softly.

My heart hurts at the simple comment. Not just the words, but the feeling and meaning behind it. I know that she is implying that her past boyfriend _did,_ in fact, scare her. That she's most likely been afraid of everyone since. Even the way she said it is so much softer, so much more vulnerable than I've ever heard her before.

I stare at her, not knowing what to say for once. After a moment of silence, she looks up at me with a conflicted look, and I simply nod to tell her that I understand. She looks relieved at this small gesture, as she smiles sadly at me before returning her eyes to the ground.

* * *

 **Four POV**

I can feel anxiety coursing through me, as I stare at her from across the circle. She is staring down at the ground, and I know she is avoiding eye contact with me. There is no way that she has not noticed me staring. I know because she keeps shifting uncomfortably, but she doesn't let up. Christina doesn't even seem to notice, as she talks to Myra, who is seated next to her. Uriah is talking to Lynn, which means that I have nobody to distract me from staring at her.

"Hello, everyone," Tori greets us, as she enters the room.

The room quiets down, as Tori sits down, and everyone turns to face her.

"All right," she says. "Would anyone like to start?"

I sit quietly, like I always do, as everyone else speaks. Well, not everyone. Tris and Christina also stay quiet just like last time. That is, until Lynn speaks.

"It's just hard," Lynn says with a shrug. "I feel like I'll never get over it. I know I will one day, but right now-"

"You don't," Tris says. "You don't get over it."

Everyone looks at her, slightly surprised. Even Lynn, who usually always has something to say. As we all look at her, Tori is the first to compose herself and speak.

"Tris, I appreciate your input," she says. "But to be fair, we should let Lynn finish before we-"

"No," Lynn cuts in gruffly. "It's okay. I'd like to hear it."

Tris raises an eyebrow at Tori, silently asking for permission, and Tori nods after a second of silent consideration. Tris looks back at Lynn, who is staring at her with an unreadable expression.

"You don't get over it, Lynn," Tris states evenly. "That's just some crap they tell you to shut you up."

Some of the girls look at her, surprised. Tori seems as if she is about to say something, but she closes her mouth and just watches the scene playing out in front of her.

"You never stop caring about them," Tris continues. "You'll always be upset about it. You'll always be mad at the universe for taking them away. Or God, I guess. If you believe in him. But that's kinda the point. You're not supposed to forget them and move on. You're supposed to carry them with you because they couldn't live their own life. So, you have to take them with you so that they can live your life with you. Eventually, you won't be so upset about it anymore. But that doesn't mean that you're over it. You never will be. And that's okay, and I hate that people try to tell us otherwise. No offense, Tori."

"None taken."

"I think you're right," Lynn mutters. "Now the only problem is that I'm still pretty pissed at the universe."

She looks up, and the two girls look at each other for a moment before Tori starts speaking again. Even though everybody else continues to share, none of it seems as significant as what just happened.

Unfortunately, when the group is over, Tris rushes out with Christina before I get a chance to talk to her. I sigh in frustration, as I watch them slip through the door. All I wanted was to talk to her. I'm starting to think that I'll never get the chance.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

Christina, Myra, and I stand huddled around the table that holds bottles and cups and flasks. My throat is burning, as I hand Christina my shot glass so she can refill it. This is one of the downsides of being friends with her. Every drink or shot has to be taken straight no chaser. I should be used to it by now, and I am for the most part, but I still hate that burning feeling. Christina hands me the next shot, and I look at her.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Fireball!" Myra yells.

She starts giggling, and Christina grins at her.

"Chill, Myra!" Christina says, still smiling. "We still have to shotgun!"

Myra is already drunk, seeing as she was here long before Christina and I. We showed up about an hour after everyone else because we wanted to be fashionably late. Well, that is a lie. It was more so because I was so nervous that I couldn't get myself to leave Christina's house. I knew that it was because I was anxious that Four- or, Tobias- would try to talk to me, but I didn't want to believe that that was the thing that was causing me to worry myself sick.

Either way, Christina dragged me right to the shots table when we arrived, complaining that we would have to hurry to catch up to everyone else because they had been here for an hour already. I watch, as the two of them bring their glasses to their lips and tilt their heads back. I am just about to follow suit when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I spin around and my breath catches when I come face-to-face with Tobias. I find myself frozen, as he stares back at me. But then, I realize that there is something odd about his expression. He looks different somehow.

"Tris!" he says. "You're here!"

And when I catch a whiff of his breath, I realize what it is. He's drunk.

"Four," I reply, remembering that he said to only call him Tobias when we were alone.

"I need... I need to talk to you," he slurs slightly.

Christina calls my name, and I look back at her. She gives me a confused look, as Myra continues to drink next to her, oblivious to everything.

"I'm good," I tell her. "You can stay here with Myra, and I'll find you later."

She thinks for a moment before nodding her head and returning her attention to the table to pour out another shot. When I turn back around, Tobias is still in front of me. But this time, he is staring at the ground and swaying slightly as if he is about to tip over.

"Hey." He looks up at me, his eyes widening for a moment, as if he is trying to focus. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I feel like shit," he mumbles. "In more ways than one."

He stumbles slightly and bumps into the person that was standing behind him. Luckily, it was just Lynn. She gives him an annoyed look before walking away, and he snickers for a moment.

"Did you see that?" he whispers, still snickering.

"Yeah, I saw that..." I sigh. "Four, why don't we go sit you down somewhere?"

"Yes," he says, as if I just offered him a million dollars. "Yes, because I still have to talk to you."

"Okay, just... hold on."

He nods his head slowly, as I look around the room. When I finally spot Uriah across the way, I rush over to him, not even bothering to try to explain to Tobias where I am going. When I reach Uriah, I tap on his shoulder, and he turns around and grins at me.

"Hi, Tris!" he says excitedly, clearly drunk. "Where have you been?"

"I'll explain that later. Four is kinda drunk off his ass right now. Can I take him to your room so that he can rest there?"

"Really?" Uriah gives me a disbelieving look. "But he, like, never drinks!"

"Uriah, I can promise you that he is fucking drunk."

"Wow..." I roll my eyes, as he takes a moment to think about this. "Okay, well, you can put him in my room! Do you need help getting him up there?"

"I think I should be fine."

The only thing worse than getting a drunk Tobias up the stairs would be a drunk Uriah trying to help us.

"Well, let me know if you do need anything, okay?"

I nod my head and thank him before walking back to the other side of the room where I left Tobias. When I get there, he is standing in front of Lynn, who looks even more annoyed than before. As I get closer to them, I can't help but laugh a bit when I hear what he is saying to her.

"I mean it, Lynn," he slurs. "I had no idea you were there! I'm so sorry, if I could go back and un-bump you, I would! Because it just wasn't right, and I'm sorry I hurt you because I didn't mean to-"

"Four, for the last fucking time, it's fine." She looks away, and her eyes fall on me. "Thank god!"

"Tris!" he says, as he turns to look at me.

"Yes, here I am," I sigh exasperatedly. "Uriah said that you can rest in his room. Do you need help to get there?"

"No, I'm good," he mumbles, as he stumbles away from us.

Lynn watches him for a moment before walking past me. But not without uttering a "good luck" to me. I roll my eyes, as I follow after Tobias, my hands out and ready to catch him if he falls over. It's not really my best plan, since I know I could never support all of his weight if he really did fall, but I don't have many other options at this point.

We reach the stairs, and he stops at the first step and stares down at the ground intently. I roll my eyes and put an arm around him for support. This time he doesn't refuse it, as I help him up the stairs and into Uriah's room. I let go of him and walk ahead of him to find the light switch. When I look back at him, he is staring at me with a small smile on his face.

"What now?" I ask.

"Nothing," he mumbles, just as we reach the doorway. "You look good, Tris."

"Four!"

"You do, I'm just being honest," he says. "You're fucking beautiful."

I roll my eyes, hating the fact that his words actually made me blush. He trudges into the room and collapses onto Uriah's bed, letting out a groan. I watch him, wondering how I managed to get stuck taking care of a drunk person within my first ten minutes here. Still, he did take care of me when I was drunk, so I feel as though it is only fair for me to be here for him now. His eyes follow me, as I sit down on the edge of the bed next to his sprawled out body. He lays on his stomach, but his head is turned so that he can look up at me. We are only silent for a moment before I decide that I need to get this over with.

"Okay, Four, what do you-"

"Tobias," he says quietly.

"Tobias." I sigh, and he smiles slightly. "What do you want to talk about?"

I have a feeling that I know exactly what he wants to talk about, even if he is drunk. But I am in no way prepared to talk about anything. I still have no idea how I feel about it all. Hopefully, I can just change the subject if I need to, and he'll be too drunk to realize it.

"You," he mumbles. "I want to talk about you."

"What about me?"

I freeze, as his hand finds mine, and he tries to curl his fingers around mine. Oddly enough, though, I can't even decide if I want to pull my hand away or not. So I don't.

"I'm sorry, Tris... I really fucked up," he rambles. "I shouldn't have tried to kiss you. I really wanted to but that doesn't mean I should have tried to. But I was so upset when you just ran away. I wanted to talk to you about it all week, but I couldn't find you anywhere. But there's so much that I wanted to tell you. I've always wanted to tell you..."

"Always?" I scoff. "We've only known each other for about a week!"

"No, no, no." He mutters into the pillow. "I've known you longer than that. I've known you for years."

"Right..."

I figure that there is no point in trying to correct him, knowing that he is only saying this because he is probably too drunk to even understand what he is saying.

"I mean it," he says, as though he can sense that I am just playing along at this point. "Tris, I knew you when we were kids. I know what you went through and what you're going through now."

At this, I cannot help but feel a little anxious. I try to remind myself that he is just drunk-rambling, but his words are still getting to me whether I like it or not.

"What do you mean by that, Tobias?"

"I mean..." He looks up at me now with a sad look in his eyes. "Fuck. It was me, Tris. I did it."

"Did what?"

My heart is beating a little faster now, as my mind races through the possibilities. At this point, I am past reminding myself that he is just rambling. Even if he is drunk, it really seems as if he knows something that I don't. His fingers tighten around mine, as he stares back at me.

"It was me," he whispers. "It was me, and I'm so fucking sorry."

"What did you do, Tobias?" I ask, more frustrated this time.

"Tris!"

I spin around and see Uriah standing in the doorway, but he is not wearing his usual grin. The look on his face fuels my anxiety further, as I stare back at him.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Christina is... How do I put this?" He sputters. "She's... really bad. And she's asking for you, and she won't talk to anyone else."

I am up and rushing toward the door before he even finishes the last sentence.

"I'll get her," I say, as I pass Uriah. "Can you look after Four, please?"

He nods his head and walks into his room. As I rush down the stairs, I realize that I should have asked Uriah where Christina went. The thought only stays in my mind for a moment before I hear the sound of someone crying loudly.

Christina.

I hurry to follow the sound, pushing past anyone who is in my way, until I reach the bathroom. The door is wide open, and when I look in, I see Christina sitting against the wall with tear stains on her cheeks and her knees hugged to her chest. Shauna is sitting in front of her, offering her a bottle of water and tissues, but Christina keeps shaking her head, as she continues to cry.

"Tris!" she cries, as soon as I walk in.

"What happened, Chris?" I ask, as I sit down next to her.

"I fucked everything up!" she yells, as she collapses into my arms.

"I'm gonna get out of your way," Shauna says quietly. "Let me know if she needs anything. We'll be right outside."

I nod my head at her, and she gets up to leave, closing the door behind her. I look down at the sobbing mess in my lap that is Christina. Of course, this is not the first time that she has drunk-cried in front of me, so I have a pretty good understanding of what to do. I pull her hair back, as it is now sticking to her face. I hold up a tissue for her, and she takes it this time and holds it over her mouth and nose.

"What happened?" I try again.

"I..." She hiccups and then cries again. "I fucked up. I kissed him, Tris."

"Uriah?" She nods her head. "Chris, that's not such a bad thing!"

"Yes, it is!" she yells. "It's too fucking soon! I kissed him, and I just kept thinking of Will, and I... I..."

"Okay, calm down," I instruct her, as I pet her hair. "We'll talk about it when your breathing slows down, okay?"

"Okay..." She sniffles. "I love you, Tris."

"I love you too, Chris. Now, please take a breath."

She takes a deep, shaky breath. Or as deep of a breath as she can manage, as she is still crying. As we sit in silence, save for the sound of her crying, I cannot help but think about Tobias. As much as I want to believe that he was just speaking nonsense because he is drunk, it really seems as if he knows something that I should know, too. It makes me so anxious, but I know that I couldn't leave Christina just to find out what it was. By the time I get to talk to Tobias, he will be sober again, and he probably will refuse to tell me whatever it is.

I sigh, as I come to the realization that I'll probably never know what he was talking about. I just hate how much that bothers me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi loves! Sorry in advance if this chapter is a bit choppy but I've barely had any time to do anything.**

 **Anyway, I hope you like it! Let me know what you think, just no hate mail! :P**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

Eventually, Christina cries herself to sleep. Now, she is lying across my lap, and I am just staring at her, trying to decide if I should wake her up or not. Luckily, I don't have to decide since Shauna opens the doors a minute later and peeks in.

"Oh my god!" she whisper-shouts when she sees Christina sprawled out. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah." I pat her hair softly as if she is just my lap-dog. "She just cried herself out."

"Oh, uhm..." She looks back for a moment, as if she is also trying to figure out what to do. "Hold on, I'll get Zeke."

She slips out of the room before I have a chance to protest. I just sigh to myself. I've barely ever said a word to the guy, and now he is about to walk in on me sitting on the bathroom floor with my drunk friend lying on my lap like roadkill. I can't help but feel a little embarrassed when Zeke enters and eyes us cautiously.

We stare at each other for a moment. I can't speak for him, but I know that I am silent because I can't think of a way to explain myself. Luckily, he finally breaks the silence, as he points toward Christina.

"She had a little too much fun, huh?" He grins, and I can't help but snort.

"Something like that," I mutter.

"Here, I got her."

He crouches down and lifts her up slowly, careful not to wake her. My legs feel odd now that her weight has suddenly been taken off of me, but I am relieved that I can finally stand up. I follow Zeke, as he carries her out of the room. As we walk out, I notice that most of the people have left. Only a few people such as Shauna, Lynn, Myra, and Marlene remain. I can't see Uriah, so I hope that he is still watching Tobias.

Zeke places her down on the couch carefully and reaches behind the couch to get a throw blanket. After he covers her with it, he turns back to me and smiles slightly. And for the first time, I realize just how tired he looks.

"Well, this night has been something else," he says. I just nod in response. "You slept in Uriah's room last time, right?"

"Yeah," I say. "But Four is kinda passed out in there."

"Passed out?" He furrows his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he got really drunk and then-"

"Drunk? Four got drunk?" His eyes widen, and he looks behind him. "Shauna!"

"What?" she calls back from across the room.

"Four got drunk!"

"I know, I saw him!"

"And you didn't tell me?" He places a hand over his chest. "How dare you!"

She rolls her eyes and turns away to face Lynn. Zeke smiles and returns his attention to me. There is silence for a moment, as he shakes his head.

"I can't believe it," he says. "He's finally becoming a man."

I can't help but laugh at this, as he grins back at me. I notice that his grin is so similar to Uriah's. In fact, they are both eerily similar, except Zeke is just a bit bigger than Uriah.

"I guess."

"Anyway, I'm sure I can find a place for you to sleep."

"It's okay." I shrug my shoulders dismissively. "I should be going home anyway. I don't want my brother to worry."

"Oh, okay." He looks a little concerned at this, but I try to ignore it. "It's pretty dark out. I could walk you home, if you'd like?"

"No, I'll be fine. It's just a short walk."

"Okay," he says slowly. "Well, I'll tell Christina you went home whenever she wakes up."

I thank him, and he smiles at me, although he still looks slightly concerned. Before he can say anything else, I turn away and make my way to the front door.

As soon as I step outside, the cold night air hits me, and I let out a sigh. There is barely anyone outside at this time of night, so I can finally have some peace and quiet. As I walk back, I pull my cigarettes out of my pocket and light it.

As I round the corner, I find myself thinking about what Tobias said again. I keep trying to figure out what he meant. How could he have known me since we were younger? What did he do, and why is he so sorry about it? For a split second, I wonder if it has something to do with my parents, but I rule that out quickly. My parents died by chance in a car accident. Certainly, Tobias could not have played a role in that.

Maybe, it had something to do with Peter or Eric? Maybe he encouraged them to pursue me without knowing their true intentions. But that would be odd, seeing as I never noticed him at any of Eric's parties. And I don't think I would have missed him, since he's far more handsome than the guys who frequented Eric's house.

Just the thought of Eric still sends chills down my spine and raises my anxiety to a level that even the nicotine in my cigarette cannot calm. It only gets worse as I walk past the fence that leads to the alleyway that I would always walk through to get to his house. I stop walking and take a long drag of my cigarette, as I lean against the fence, not entirely ready to walk past the opening to the alleyway.

* * *

"I'm here for you, Tris," I remember him whispering in that snake-like voice of his.

He was the one who found me, curled up in an empty room, crying. It was just after I found out that Peter was locked up. I was crying not because I lost him, but more for the fact that I was ever with such a horribly violent monster. It also didn't help that I had had some to drink. My emotions and the alcohol in my system clouded my mind, and I found myself talking to Eric about it.

At first, it really seemed like he cared. It seemed like he was really listening. And then, his arm was around me. I tried to convince myself that he was just comforting me.

But then, he was leaning in to me. He was kissing me, and I couldn't get him to stop. He pushed me against the wall, as I struggled against him. His hands were on me, even when I tried to remove them. He swallowed my protests with rough, unwanted kisses.

He only stopped when he heard someone open the door. Both of our heads turned in the direction of the sound, and I nearly cried from relief. Never had I ever been so happy to see Drew. He mumbled something about not knowing that anyone was in there. As Eric told him to leave, I used the distraction to my advantage.

I used as much force as I could gather to knee Eric in the stomach. As he groaned in pain, I slipped out from between Eric and the wall and ran from the room, ignoring Eric's yelling for me to come back.

"You're a fucking bastard!" I yelled at him, as I ran. "Leave me alone!"

I remember Eric yelling for Drew to grab me, but Drew was way too drunk to even understand what was going on. I found Christina in the crowd and grabbed onto her for dear life. She looked at me, wide-eyed, and asked me what happened.

"He wouldn't let me go," I remember saying. "He kept kissing me and grabbing me. I told him to stop, and he wouldn't stop."

Tears were streaming down my face, but I was way too panicked to notice. Christina told me to calm down. She even went further to say that it was okay to hookup with people, and I shouldn't freak out about it. I was panicking too much to say anything to that, so I just stared at her in shock.

"I want her out!"

I jumped, as Eric came up behind me. Somehow, I ended up behind Christina, as she raised her hands as if she was surrendering something.

"Chill, Eric," she said, although her voice was shaking.

"I want her out of my goddamn house!" he hissed, glaring right at me. "Nobody fucking fights me. Especially not you, you little bitch-"

"Whatever she did, she probably just did because she's drunk," Christina tried again.

"I don't give a fuck! I want both of you out, now! And don't even think about coming back."

"Eric, come on!" Christina said quietly, as if she didn't want me to hear it.

"Out."

I could feel Christina shrink back at the look that he gave her. Finally, she grabbed my wrist and started to pull me away. But before we could leave, Eric grabbed my other wrist and brought his face close to mine. I froze in his grip, and I could tell that Christina was frozen too.

"Peter was right about you," he says in a threateningly quiet voice. "You really are a stiff."

As soon as he let go of my wrist, Christina pulled me to the front door. I could feel Eric's eyes on me the entire way out. When we made it outside, Christina paused for a moment and took a deep breath. I wiped the tears off of my face and looked at her. She looked at me briefly and shook her head, as if she was ashamed of me.

"Christina-"

"I can't talk to you about this right now," she said quietly.

As we walked home in silence, I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. As scary as it was, I knew it was my fault. I shouldn't have had so much to drink. I shouldn't have put myself in an empty room. I should have known better than to go so far away from my only real friend at the party. And even though it hurt, I didn't blame Christina for being upset with me. I was upset with myself, too.

* * *

I drop my cigarette and put it out with the toe of my boot once it reaches the sidewalk. I take a deep breath, as I shift my weight and force myself to start walking past the alley's opening. As I walk past it, I keep my eyes on the floor so that I don't have to look into the alley.

* * *

 **Four POV**

A groan escapes my mouth, as my eyes open slowly. My head is throbbing, and I feel as if I might be sick any minute now. I look around the room, but it takes me about two minutes before I realize that I am in Uriah's room. But I'm still not entirely sure why, and I can't remember exactly what happened last night to lead me here.

Just then, I feel something move next to me. A small, morbid part of me hopes that it is Tris. But the rest of me knows that there is no way she would have slept next to me. I close my eyes and sigh before finally turning to see who is lying next to me.

"Uriah!" I yell without thinking.

His eyes fly open, and pushes himself off the bed, his arms flailing as he falls off.

"Gah!"

 _Thud!_

"Jesus!" I get up on my knees and look over the edge to see Uriah still laying on the ground. "What the hell? Are you okay?"

"No!" He yells back, rubbing his head. "What the fuck, Four?"

"I should be saying that to you!" I counter, as I get off of the bed. "Why the hell were you sleeping with me?"

"It's my bed!"

"Did you sleep with Tris, too, when you gave her your bed?" I straighten up, as he stands up. "Did you, Uriah?"

"No!" He rolls his eyes. "I don't have a death wish, Four! I was just tired, geez!"

"Fine," I sigh. "But I think we should both agree that nobody can ever know about this."

"Too late!"

I spin around and see Zeke standing in the doorway, a grin on his face. He lifts his phone and waves it in a taunting manner.

"I got a picture of you two cuddling!" he says, still grinning.

"You cuddled me, Uriah?!"

"I was drunk, Four! I'm not happy about it either!"

"Oh my god!" I hear Shauna yell from outside the room. "All of you, please shut up!"

Zeke bites back a grin, as Shauna shuffles into the room, glaring at us. She is still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, and her hair is a mess.

"Rough night, Shauna?" Uriah asks, grinning.

"Like either of you can talk," she says, gesturing to Uriah and me. "You know, you two might have a lot of girls swooning over you, but-"

"We do?" Uriah asks.

" _But_ when it comes time to actually talk to girls, you're both a mess."

"She's got a point," Zeke says, as he leans against the doorway.

"Shauna, what are you talking about?" I ask.

"Do you not remember anything from last night?" She asks, looking between the two of us. "Uri, do you?"

"I remember talking to Christina," he says. "And she kissed me, and then she started freaking out."

"Yeah." Shauna nods. "And then you tried to comfort her by saying, 'It's okay, nobody can resist the 'Urinator'."

Zeke claps a hand over his mouth, as he starts laughing. Even I can't help but snort at that, even though I'm still completely uncomfortable with this entire situation. As Uriah groans and mumbles about how embarrassed he is, I try to remember what it is that I did last night.

"Drawing a blank, Four?" Shauna raises an eyebrow at me, as I look at her.

"A bit," I admit.

"I'll help you out," she says, almost amused. "You were quiet for the first few minutes of the party, so I asked if you were okay. And you said you would be okay if you had a drink, so I gave you one."

"Oh, god..." I mumble.

I can tell that this is going to get much worse. And that is exactly why I stopped drinking for so long.

"And then, once you had a few, you started complaining about how Tris wasn't there." She grins at this. "You were probably complaining about how much you wanted to talk to her for like half an hour."

" _Whipped,_ " Uriah says, coughing.

"Anyway," Shauna continues, glaring at Uriah. "When she finally got here, you were plastered. As soon as you saw her, your eyes got so fucking wide and you just kinda wandered over to her before I could think to stop you."

"No," is all I can think to say.

"Yes. And then, I figured you would be safe with her, so I stopped paying attention after that."

"So you don't know what I said to her?" I ask, slightly panicked at this point.

"Ooh, I can fill in the ending!" Uriah grins. "Tris came up to me to tell me that you were, as she said it, 'drunk off your ass' and she asked if you could stay in my room. So, of course, I said you could! And then, she took you upstairs."

"Okay, and then what happened?"

"I don't know." He shrugs. "You guys were holding hands when I walked in, so that's a good sign. But you also looked like death, Four."

"Does anyone know what I said to her?" I nearly yell.

They all look around at each other and shake their heads. I groan into my hands and keep them over my face for a minute.

"I do."

I jump and look up to see Christina standing in the doorway behind Zeke, who steps aside for her. Her hair and clothes are disheveled, and her eyes look tired and dried out. Uriah looks down uncomfortably, as Shauna gestures for her to come in.

"She told me last night before I fell asleep," Christina continues.

"What did I say, then?"

"She said that you were going on about how you did something, and you were really sorry about it. And that you've known her for years. But she's more focused on the fact that you supposedly did something that affected her, and she wants to know what it is."

"It was probably just drunk rambling." Shauna shrugs. "Right, Four?"

"Probably," I say quietly.

"Probably." Christina takes a step toward me and leans closer to me. "Can I tell you a secret, though, Four?"

"I guess so," I mumble.

"I think I know exactly what you did," she whispers.

She steps back, leaving me to stand there in my shock. Before I can even find my voice to make a response, she turns around and looks at Zeke, who is also staring at her.

"Could I have some water?" she asks. "My mouth is so dry right now."

"Yeah," Zeke says slowly. "I'll get you some."

He looks at me briefly, as she thanks him, before leading her out of the room and down the stairs. Shauna and Uriah look from each other to me before Shauna finally takes a step toward me.

"What was that all about?" she asks.

"I don't know," I lie.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is about two chapters late, but it was just brought to my attention that I didn't do the disclaimer thing for the song in chapter 7! So, I do not own the song "Born to Die" or the beauty that is Lana Del Rey. :P**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I sit on the couch with Caleb's laptop resting on my legs, as Caleb eats his lunch in the kitchen. Christina always says that she would hate it if she had to share a laptop with someone, but I don't really mind it. All I really need it for is school work since I don't really care about social media or anything like that, like Christina does.

I read and reread what I have typed out so far, over and over again. It is only an email for Tori, so it really shouldn't make me nervous, but it does. Sure, Tori is my favorite counselor, but that doesn't really matter. If I email her asking for a one-on-one session, there is no turning back. If I back out, I will most likely be reported again. And if I go through with it and tell her everything... Well, I might just be reported.

My fingers hover over the mouse-pad, as I sigh to myself. There really is no way to win in this situation. I might as well just do it before I can overthink it or worry myself sick. Caleb walks in, just as I click the "send" button, and sits on the other end of the couch. He looks at me and smiles. He knows exactly what I'm doing, since he likes for me to tell him what I need the laptop for before I actually use it.

"You're making the right choice, Beatrice," he says.

"I hope so."

He smiles at me for a moment before looking away to turn on the television. I close the laptop and set it on the coffee table before standing up to go to my room.

"Where are you going?" Caleb asks.

"Sorry, am I not allowed to go to my room anymore?" I retort.

When I look back, I feel a bit of sympathy from the sad look on his face. He shakes his head slightly, and I can almost feel the deep breath he takes.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to watch something," he says lightly.

"One of those old, weird movies that you always watch?"

"Whatever you want." He smiles slightly. "Come on, when's the last time we did something together?"

"Well, you drive me home all the time."

"I meant something fun."

I sigh, as I look at the hopeful look on his face. As much as he irritates me sometimes, as much as he acts like a parent to me, he is still my brother. Besides, I don't have much else planned for today besides laying in bed. It might be nice to actually interact with my brother as my brother again.

"All right," I say quietly.

He smiles, as I sit back down, and hands me the television remote.

"Take your pick, boss," he says, still smiling.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

I light a cigarette almost as soon as I step out of Zeke's house. The sunshine is blinding, and I end up staring down at my feet, as I walk. I take a long drag of my cigarette and let out a relieved sigh.

"You really shouldn't smoke," Four mutters.

I roll my eyes. Four offered to walk me home, but I know that he only offered because he wants to talk to me about what happened last night. Zeke, Shauna, and Uriah seemed a little confused when he offered, but I'm sure that they must have figured it out by now.

"If you can get Tris to quit, then I'll quit too."

I hear him sigh heavily. When I look at him, he has a very conflicted look on his face. I stop and move over to the side of the sidewalk so that people can get around us, and he stops and stands in front of me. I take another long drag, as he stares at me.

"We might as well get to the point," I say. "I know what you did."

"What is it that you think I did?" he asks, crossing his arms.

"I know you're the one that told Matthews that Tris was cutting herself."

I lean against the brick wall, as his eyes widen a bit. He composes himself quickly, as he continues to stare at me.

"How do you..."

"I saw you," I say simply.

He looks at me, obviously confused, so I decide to explain.

* * *

I sat in the main office, curled up in one of the chairs in the corner. I had been called down to see Principal Matthews, but her door was closed, and the secretary said that she was with someone, so I would have to wait. I wasn't sure how long I was sitting there, since I spent most of the time staring at my phone. When Principal Matthews' door opened, I looked up, but I did not bother to stand up until she called me.

A boy walked out of the office with her, and I couldn't help but notice that he was very attractive and very muscular. He didn't seem to notice me, though, as he stared down at his shoes, seemingly nervous. I couldn't help but watch them, as they walked out of her office. Principal Matthews turned to him before he could leave and gave one of her famous fake smiles.

"I know it probably wasn't easy for you to come here and tell me what you did, Four," she said calmly. "But you made the right choice. The well-being of our students is our top priority. As you know, all concerns are taken seriously, so we will reach out to her as soon as possible to connect her with a counselor and make sure that she receives any help she needs."

"And she won't know it was me?" he said quietly.

"Completely anonymous." She nodded, still smiling her fake smile. "You have nothing to worry about, Four. She will never know it was you, unless you decide to tell her, of course."

The boy looked down and nodded his head. I couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about.

"All right," he said, as he started moving toward the door. "Thank you."

"Thank _you._ "

He looked at her briefly before walking out of the office. Her eyes found me, and her lips turned into a straight line, as she told me I could come into her office.

* * *

I stare at Four, as he stands there, trying to absorb everything that I just told him. I drop my cigarette on the sidewalk and step on it, as I wait for him to speak, but it seems that he is finally speechless.

"You didn't know I was there, huh?" I say, trying to get him to say something.

"No," he mutters. "I didn't even see... I was so nervous, I don't think I would have noticed anyone sitting there."

He brings his hands to his face for a moment and sighs. I cannot help but feel a little bad for him. After all, I completely understand both sides of this. If I was in Four's situation, and I noticed that someone that I liked was hurting them self, I would probably say something too. On the other hand, if someone reported me, I would be pretty pissed, too. Plus, Tris already has pretty bad anger. I know that she would not react very well to this. But I also know that Four wants to get closer to her, and he can't do that if he is keeping a secret like this from her.

"Four." He looks at me, and I notice how tired he looks. "I'm not gonna tell her."

"You're not?" he asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

"No." I shake my head, as I pull my phone out of my pocket. "But you have to."

"What, you want me to call her right now?"

"Don't be stupid." He glares at me, but I ignore him. "I'm gonna give you her number."

"And you think she would be okay with that?"

"Please." I snort, as I look through my contacts list. "The only people blowing up her phone is me and her brother. I'm sure she'd be happy with a change. In all seriousness, if she gets mad, just tell her you got it from me. I'll take the heat."

I hand him my phone, and he looks at me suspiciously for a moment before pulling out his own phone and adding her number into it.

"Why are you helping me?" he asks.

I smile a little bit, as he hands my phone back to me. I stuff it back into my pocket, and walk around him.

"I'm not doing it for you," I say, as I walk away. "I'm doing it for her."

I continue on my way home before he can even respond.

* * *

 **Caleb POV**

I let Tris choose what we would watch, just like I promised. So, now, we are watching a movie about a girl whose parents make her go to a mental hospital, where she is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It doesn't surprise me that Tris has fallen in love with movies like these. After all, it must remind her of herself and her own experiences. While she has never spent a prolonged amount of time in a psych unit, I know that she still relates to the characters.

It makes me question what her diagnosis would be, if she ever agreed to see a psychiatrist. As we watch the scene where the patients must line up and take their medication, I find myself biting the edge of my thumb anxiously. I want so badly for Tris to see a psychiatrist and take medication, if she needs to. I would pay for it in a heartbeat. I just want her to get better, but she refuses to take medication. I don't know why. Every time I ask, she simply shrugs and says that she doesn't need it. I'm not so sure.

I hear her phone chime, and I look at her without thinking. I figure that it must be Christina, but I am not so sure that it is when I see a confused look on her face. She types something back quickly. Or, as quickly as she can on that old phone. I should really look into getting that upgraded, but she always tells me that she doesn't need a better one anyway. She stands up and looks at me apologetically.

"Christina," she says as an explanation. "She says it's an emergency. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

I can tell by the look on her face that she is lying. I am sure that she is not going to meet Christina. As she walks away, I begin to wonder what she could possibly be hiding from me now.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I feel bad for lying to Caleb, but I know that he wouldn't understand if I told him the truth. He would probably lock me in my room for the rest of the year if I told him that I was going to meet an eighteen year old boy who I've only really interacted with when one of us was drunk. And the one time we weren't drunk, he tried to kiss me. But when Tobias texted me, telling me that he wanted to explain things, I decided that I couldn't miss the chance to finally get answers.

As I walk, I tug nervously at the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't even think to change before I left, which means that I am still wearing my baggy grey sweatshirt. At least it doesn't look awful paired with the black leggings. I shake my head, telling myself that I shouldn't care about how I look when I see him. But I do care, and I don't know why.

When I reach the park, I see him standing by the entrance. He looks up, and our eyes meet. I can't help but notice that he looks very nervous. The look alone makes me feel nervous, as I wonder what he is going to tell me. I follow him wordlessly to the same spot that he showed me last time we were here. This time, though, he doesn't offer me his hand as we walk between the trees, and I try to ignore the slight disappointment I feel.

He doesn't sit down this time when we reach the clearing. Instead, he looks at me, and I decide that I cannot take this anymore.

"You're making me nervous, Tobias," I say, trying to lighten the mood. "What do you need to tell me?"

He stares at me sadly for a moment, and then he does something that surprises me. He looks down and gently takes my hand in his. At this point, I am beyond trying to convince myself to pull away from him, so I let him take my hand.

"Tris," he says quietly. "I hope you know that you mean a lot to me."

I furrow my eyebrows at this.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, like I said..." He sighs heavily. "I've known you for quite some time."

"Try being a little less cryptic," I say, trying to hide the fact that I am getting very anxious.

"Do you remember when you were younger, and you went with your father to his coworker's house?"

"Yes..." I say slowly. "How do you..."

"I was there," he says, a pleading look in his eyes. "It was my father's house, but he always made me hide in my room when people came over."

I stare at him, as I try to figure out why he is telling me this and why it is even important.

"I saw you," he continues. "From my room, I could see anyone who came in through the front door."

As I try to figure it out, I start to remember the events from that night. I remember sitting at the table quietly while my father and his coworker spoke to each other. I remember being so bored that I began to play with my glass. I remember it falling off of the table, and I remember the way that my father reprimanded me for it afterward. And then, it hits me. He sighs, as if he knows that I have just made the connection.

"I heard what your father said to you," he says. "I heard how he talks to you."

"So what?" I look down so that he won't see how uncomfortable this situation is making me. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"It does matter," he insists. "My father was the same way."

I look up at him, surprised, and see a pained look on his face.

"That's why he's in jail, isn't it?" I say carefully. He nods his head reluctantly. "My father never beat me, though."

"Verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse, Tris."

Abuse. I shift uncomfortably at that word. It feels like such a heavy word to use, like an accusation. Even when Tori said it when I told her about my father, I couldn't bring myself to accept it. He was harsh and hurtful, but I cannot bring myself to call him an abuser.

"Look, the point is, I wanted so badly to help you, but I knew that my father would be livid if I came out of my room," he says. "And I wanted to help you ever since then, but I only ever saw you in passing in school."

"What does that have to do with what you did?" I nearly whisper.

He looks more sad than I have ever seen him. The look is so different, so oddly vulnerable that it makes me want to comfort him. But I know that I can't. I know that I need to get an answer before I lose my chance.

"Well, one day, I missed school because I wasn't feeling well," he says. "I missed a test, so I had to make it up the next day. My teacher told me to take the test and go into the classroom next door. When I walked into the class, the teacher told me I could go sit in the back of the room. And when I started walking to the back, I saw you in the back corner."

"Okay," I say, wondering why he is telling me all of this. "And?"

"Well, you didn't look up or see me or anything," he continues. "But I looked at you. You were resting your head in your hand. And when I sat down, I saw these... marks on your wrist."

I can feel the color draining from my face, as I freeze completely. He stares at me sadly and squeezes my hand. I already know. I already know where this is going. But I need to hear it. I need to hear the words from his mouth.

"I wanted to help you," he says in a pleading tone. "I reported you, Tris."

He stares at me, as if he is waiting for me to say something. But I say nothing. I stand there, frozen, as I think of all the things I always imagined saying to the person that reported me.

 _Mind your own goddamn business next time._

 _Who the fuck do you think you are?_

 _You ruined everything._

I imagined yelling, cursing, saying anything I could to show them just how screwed up it was for them to go behind my back and do what they did. But as I stare back at Tobias, I find myself at a loss for words.

Yes, I wanted to yell at _someone._ But I have no desire to yell at Tobias. I have no desire to hit him or blame him or tell him what a horrible person he is. I have wanted to form a connection with Tobias since the first time we talked in this park. I have always felt safe with him, like I could trust him more than I trust others. Like he means something to me. As much as I want to just blow up and let my anger run free, I find myself unable to do so when I look at him. My eyes begin to tear up, as my emotions go into a frenzy, as they try to figure out how I should react.

"Tris," he says quietly. "Please, say something."

Finally, it seems, my mind decides on a course of action. I look down so that I won't have to see the look on his face when I remove my hand from his. Before he can say anything, I turn and walk away. Tears start to escape from my eyes, as I walk.

This time, he doesn't try to stop me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you guys sooo much for your support from the last chapter, I love you all 3. Sorry it took me a bit to update, but I've been so busy lately. I am trying, though.**

 **Anyway, I'm really really nervous posting this chapter. I'm not sure that it's my best, but there is more Four/Tris interaction, so I hope you guys like it!**

* * *

I sit in the waiting section of the guidance department. My leg shakes nervously, and I wish I could stand up and pace but last time I did that in here, one of the counselors asked me to sit because I was making people nervous.

"Tris?"

I look up to see Tori standing a few feet in front of me. She gestures for me to follow her, and I stand up quickly to walk down the guidance hallway with her. She opens the door to her office and lets me in first before closing the door behind us. She circles around her desk to sit down while I sit in the chair opposite her.

"How are you, Tris?"

"Fine."

"How are you really?"

I look at her, as she stares back at me, completely straight-faced. Even though Tori is my favorite counselor, this is the one question I always hate. Because I always have the same answer.

"I don't know." She says nothing, so I decide to continue. "I've been dissociating a lot lately."

"Why do you think that is?" she asks, as she leans back in her chair.

"I don't know." I sigh. "I've just been thinking so much about... everything. You know, my parents, Peter, Eric... I just can't get them out of my mind."

"Are you still afraid?" Tori asks.

"Yes," I admit. "I'm still afraid of them. The ones that are still alive anyway. It's like I keep reliving all of the things they did to me over and over again. I still have nightmares, I still get scared that it might happen again... And I know you said I might have been traumatized by certain things, but I still don't understand how I could be traumatized by what Eric did. It makes no sense. I can't be traumatized by something that didn't actually happen, can I?"

She smiles slightly, and I can't help but wonder why she is smiling in a time like this. That is, until she speaks.

"Tris, you're smarter than that."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about what you just said," she says. "What happened with Eric didn't really _happen_ per say. But he did try to force you, correct? He did intimidate you?"

"Well, yes."

"You don't have to be beaten or raped to be traumatized, Tris," she says. "Anything that induces fear can be traumatizing."

I look down at her desk, as I take in this information. I look at the picture frame on the side of her desk that holds a picture of Tori and her brother. I only know because I asked her about it during one of my sessions with her.

"What are you thinking, Tris?"

I look up at her finally and take a deep breath, as I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't want to believe that I'm traumatized by any of that," I say. "I don't want to believe that I'm that weak."

"You're sitting here in my office even after everything that's happened." She smiles slightly. "That is brave in itself. Opening up to people is about as brave as it gets, you know."

"I think you're the only person I can open up to though. And even then, it makes me nervous."

"What about your friend?" She looks down at the paper in front of her, which I assume is the notes she wrote from our sessions. "Christina?"

"I don't like to bring her down with stuff like this."

"Well, do you have anyone else to talk to? Anyone you feel comfortable with?"

I sigh, as my mind immediately jumps to Tobias. I remember how I wanted to form a connection with him, how I felt like I could trust him, especially since he actually protected me when the situation arose instead of just claiming that he would help me. I shake my head, as I think about him. Surely, I can't trust him. Not after he kept that secret from me. Not after he reported me in the first place.

"I thought I had someone I could trust," I mutter. "But he ended up lying to me."

"Do you want to tell me what the lie was?"

"I guess." I sigh heavily, as my leg shakes nervously. "I'm sure you know that Four is the one that reported me to Principal Matthews."

"I didn't, but go on."

"Oh... Well, he did. I didn't even know him at the time, but apparently he felt the need to report me." She nods, gesturing for me to continue. "Anyway, we started talking to each other when I started going to the support group. He didn't tell me that it was him until this past weekend."

"So you feel betrayed?"

"I guess you could say that."

She nods her head slowly, and I watch her, knowing that she is figuring out what to say.

"That is a tough situation" she says finally. "For both of you. Let me ask you this. What do you think his reason was for reporting you?"

"He told me why," I say. "He said it was because he wanted to help me."

"Is that all?" she asks rhetorically. "I saw you that day. Your scars were in plain sight, yet only one person reported you."

"And?" I ask, since I'm not sure where she is going with this.

"He obviously cares about you a great deal," she says. "Which would explain why he didn't want you to know that it was him."

"Well, it's his own fault," I argue. "If he had just told me the truth..."

"Would you have reacted differently?" My mouth snaps shut, since she already knows the answer to that question. "I understand that you feel betrayed and hurt, Tris."

"That's an understatement." I roll my eyes. "The point is, he shouldn't have done it in the first place. I would have been fine."

"Do you really believe that?"

I stare back at her for a moment, trying not to show the fact that her words stung just a bit. Because, in all honestly, I can't say with complete certainty that I would still be alive today if I had not been reported. I cannot say with certainty that I would have just magically stopped hurting myself or thinking up ways to end myself completely.

"No," I say. "I don't think I do."

 **Christina POV**

I lean back against the bleachers, as I bring a cigarette to my lips. Tris sits a couple feet away from me, a frustrated look on her face, as she spaces out. I'm fairly certain that she's upset because Four told her what he did. I feel awful for not telling her but at the same time, I knew it wasn't my secret to tell. But now, she can't know that I knew before her. She would never forgive me.

"You okay?" I finally ask.

She looks at me, confused, for a second before she composes herself and shakes her head.

"Not really."

"What's wrong?"

I take a long drag, preparing myself for the lies I'll have to tell if she tells me about Four.

"I found out who reported me," she mutters before taking an equally long drag.

"Who?" I ask, even though I already know.

"Four," she says hesitantly. "He told me on Saturday."

I sigh, as she looks at me. I may not like lying, but I can be good at it. I take a moment to think about how I would respond if I didn't know.

"Are you serious?" I roll my eyes. "I knew there was something off about that guy."

"Yeah," is all she says before letting out a sigh.

"Want me to fuck him up?"

She snorts at this, and I smirk back at her, mentally praising myself for giving a believable response.

"If anyone is fucking him up, it's gonna be me."

I chuckle, as she smiles slightly and stares down at her feet.

"Hey." She looks up at me. "At least he told you. That's something, right?"

"He shouldn't have done it in the first place," she says, although it doesn't sound like she really believes it. She shakes her head. "I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it, I guess. What do you think?"

"I guess I'd be pissed if someone reported me." I shrug my shoulders. "But I get it. If I had noticed Will hurting himself, maybe I would have told someone too."

"What does Will have to do with this?"

"Well, I liked Will. A lot."

"And what, you think Four likes me?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No." I smirk. "I know he likes you."

"He doesn't like me."

I hold back a laugh, as I watch her roll her eyes and blush at the same time.

"Tris, shut up." She glares at me, and I smile back. "He likes you."

"Whatever," she mutters.

I smile, as she looks back at her feet. I can tell that she is considering this, and I can't help but feel a little proud of myself. Four may not be my favorite person in the world, but he's about ten thousand times better than Peter, and I can tell that he really cares about her. And the fact that Tris even talks about him with me shows that she has some kind of interest in him.

"You should ask him to formal," I say with a grin.

"Right." She rolls her eyes. "Anyway, I'm surprised that's the first time you've mentioned formal."

"Ha ha, funny," I say sarcastically. "But now that you mention it..."

Tris groans, as I start to rattle off all of the things we have to do to prepare for the formal dance.

 **Uriah POV**

Tris and I have a good schedule going for us. It's Wednesday morning, and we have already started working on a second song. Although, it's been just a bit more difficult to get it together, since Tris always seems to be in her own world lately. Four has been pretty out of it too lately, so I just have to guess that they're having some kind of problem again.

I never knew you could have this much relationship drama without even having a relationship.

Still, I don't want to upset either of them by asking about it, so I decided to just wait until one of them brought it up. It doesn't seem like either is going to, though. I sigh to myself and take my hands off the piano, as I look at her.

"So?"

"Hm?" She looks at me, as she tugs at the end of her ponytail. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Tris, I stopped playing about a minute ago."

"I'm sorry," she sighs. "I just can't stop thinking."

"About Four."

"Shut up, Uriah."

"I'm right, aren't I?" She rolls her eyes and looks away. "Look, I don't know what he did, but I can tell that he fucked up somehow."

"Basically," she mutters.

"You're not mad at him because we cuddled, are you?"

"You guys... cuddled?"

"Oh... Never mind." She raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug. "Long story."

She continues to stare at me, as if she is unsure of what to say. So, I decide to take the chance to talk him up, as any good friend would.

"Look, I don't know what happened, but I know that Four is a good guy. Scary, but good." She smiles slightly, and I nudge her shoulder to make her look at me. "And I know that he's learned from whatever it is he did. He's not like your ex, Tris. He really cares about you, you know?"

She nods her head hesitantly and sighs, a conflicted look on her face.

"I really hope you're right," she says.

"I'm always right!"

I grin, as she pushes me playfully. There is silence for a moment, as she stares at the piano thoughtfully.

"Uriah?"

"Tris?"

"Why did you cuddle with Four?"

 **Four POV**

"It's been four days since she's talked to me," I mutter. "She hates me."

"You really are a drama queen, Four."

Amar grins at me from his armchair, as I groan and lay back on the couch. To a stranger looking in, it might look as if he's a psychologist and I'm his client lying on the stereotypical couch. That's basically what is happening right now anyway.

"I'm not sure what you were expecting," Amar says before he drinks out of this mug.

"I don't know," I sigh, as I bring my arm over my eyes. "I knew she'd be upset. I was just hoping she wouldn't hate me."

"She doesn't hate you, stop overreacting." I would roll my eyes if they weren't closed. "She just needs some time, and I think you know that."

"I guess."

"I will say one thing," he says, and I can hear him smiling. "I've never seen you like this over a girl. I think this one may be worth the extra effort."

I feel my cheeks heat up, and I am grateful that my arm is partially covering them so that he won't see. Before I can say anything in response, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I groan, as I pull it out of my pocket and open my eyes. My eyes widen when I see the name on my screen, and I sit up.

"She texted me," I say, although he probably figured that out already.

He doesn't say anything. He just smiles, as I read over the text and let out a deep breath.

 **Caleb POV**

I sit down on the couch with my laptop on my lap. I've just gotten back from work, but now I need to write a paper for class. Work never really ends, I suppose.

As I start the laptop, I notice the sound of water running, meaning Beatrice is in the shower. Normally, this wouldn't mean anything to me. But today, it means everything.

I've been waiting for a chance to look at her phone. I know she would hate me if she found out, but I need to know what she is hiding from me. I need to make sure that she's okay.

When I hear the bathroom door close, I stand up and rest the laptop on the coffee table. I slowly open the door to her room, looking around to make sure that she is definitely not in her. Then I spot it, resting on her bedside table. I sit down on the edge of her bed as I pick it up.

I take a deep breath. I remember how much she used to hate it when she found out that Dad was looking through her journals. But this is different. This is for her safety. This is the right thing to do. I hope.

Finally, I open up her phone and go straight to the text messages. I see my name as well as Christina's. And then, at the top, I see an unsaved number. I open it up and look through the messages.

"Four?" I mumble to myself as I read the first message. "Who..."

"What the hell!"

My head snaps up, and I find myself staring back at Beatrice. She has a towel wrapped around her body, and her face is red, probably from a mix of embarrassment and anger. I stand up slowly, as if I am about to be attacked by a vicious animal.

"Beatrice, I..."

"Are you serious?" she yells at me. "Thank god I fucking forgot something 'cause if I hadn't I never would have known what an asshole you are!"

"Don't talk to me like that, Beatrice!"

Her face turns even redder, if that was even possible. Now I'm really afraid that she's about to attack. She lets out a humorless laugh.

"You know, Caleb, I can see why you act like my father all the time," she says, disgust in her voice. "Because you really _are_ your father."

I feel my own face redden at that, as I think back to the horrible things that my father used to say and do.

"I am not like Dad," I say slowly.

"Look what you're fucking holding, Caleb!" I turn her phone over in my hand, as I look down at it. "You're just like him."

I stare back at her, shaking, although I'm not sure if it's from anger or sadness. Or maybe even fear. She shakes her head at me.

"If you wanna look through my phone, then fine," she says dangerously. "Just know that you're doing exactly what he would do."

She turns around and leaves for the shower, her face still red with anger. Tears begin to prickle at my eyes, as I replace the phone on the table. I sit down on the edge of her bed, resting my elbows on my knees.

I'm not like him. I can't be like him. But what if I already am?

 **Tris POV**

My mother was the one who always told me to pull myself together when I was emotional. I still her voice in my head telling me that whenever I'm nervous, like right now. But I can't seem to pull myself together now.

I told Tobias that I would talk to him after this support group meeting, but now I'm not so sure that I'm ready. As I play with the gauze wrapped around my hand, I can sense his eyes on me from across the circle.

After I caught Caleb looking through my phone, I tried to go take a shower and calm down. But as usual, my anger got the best of me.

I punched the bathroom mirror and messed up my hand pretty badly. But hey, at least it wasn't my dominant hand.

Anyway, I know that Tobias is going to ask what happened to my hand as soon as we are alone, and that is the last thing I want to talk about. When I look up, I even notice Tori glancing at it, so I try to hide it with my other hand.

The meeting goes by fairly quickly, since I spend most of the time spacing out. I feel bad, but I'm far too consumed by anxiety to focus.

When the meeting is over, I tell Christina that I'll catch up to her, and then I glance at Tobias before walking toward the door that leads back into the school. I can tell that he is following me without even looking back. When I reach the empty hallway, I turn around and find myself staring back at him.

We both stare back at each other, as if we're both feeling each other out. His expression is unreadable, and I can tell that that is purposeful. I'm sure my expression is the same way since I don't want him to know what I am thinking.

"So..." I say finally.

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"So?" he says. "What exactly did you want to talk about?"

"I think you know."

"I do, but I'm not sure what to say about it. I'm not sure if you want me to explain myself or if you want to tell me how upset you are with me."

"Waste of time," I mutter. "It's not like you can take it back."

"I can't," he agrees. "But I am sorry. You were right. I should have just minded my own business."

"No." I shake my head and sigh. "You were right to do what you did."

"Really?" he asks suspiciously.

"Yeah." I take a deep breath and look around to make sure nobody is here. "I mean... You know, who knows what would have happened if you didn't say something?"

I stare down at my feet, as we stand in silence for a moment. I can't speak for him, but I feel embarrassment for finally admitting that I might not even be here right now if I wasn't reported. This is worse than simply admitting that he was right. Not only am I admitting that he is right, but I am also admitting that I am weak. That my life meant nothing to me. Sometimes my life still means nothing to me. But it's so hard to say that aloud, and that's exactly what I've just done.

"That's why I did it," he says quietly. "I was scared for you. I didn't want anything to happen to you."

"Why?" I ask.

"I've told you why," he says, sounding a bit frustrated. "Because I know-"

"No." I shake my head, still looking down at my feet. "No. Tell me the real reason."

There is silence for a moment before his hand finds mine, and I close my eyes to steady myself.

"I think you already know," he sighs. "I have feelings for you, Tris."

I let out a shaky breath, and I suddenly feel tears prickling at my eyes, although I'm not sure why. My mind jumps to Peter.

Even when he first told me he liked me, I didn't feel how I feel now. I felt giddy, simply because it was so exciting to me that a boy liked me. But this feels different. I don't feel giddy or fluttery.

In all honesty, I'm not sure what I'm feeling.

I know that I have feelings for him too even if I don't want to. I know that I like the feeling of his hands wrapped around mine, and I like the way he looks at me.

But it's not enough. I'm not enough, and I never will be. I know that even if I like him and he likes me, it's just not enough. I'll never be worthy of love.

"Tris?"

I look up at him, my eyes still filling up. He stares back at me, obviously concerned, as I force the tears in my eyes to stay there.

"I want to be so mad at you, you know," I say, surprising myself.

But he doesn't seem surprised. He simply nods his head at me, his expression completely neutral.

"Tell me," he says. "Tell me how mad you are."

"I can't," I croak.

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't."

"Tell me how mad you are."

"Tobias-"

"Tell me."

"God damn it, Tobias!"

"Do it."

"Stop!" And surprisingly, he does. "You wanna know how mad I am? I'm fucking pissed! When you reported me, you destroyed my relationship with my brother, you made it so that I can never even sigh in class without being reported, you made it so that my business isn't my own. The worst part is that I'm so angry, but I can't be angry at _you_ because..."

He looks at me expectantly, as I stare at him, my mouth still open slightly. My breathing picks up a bit, as my thoughts race through my mind.

They don't make any sense.

"Because?" he says carefully.

 _Because you saved my life._

The thought repeats itself in my mind over and over again, but I cannot bring myself to say it. He stares at me for a moment, and I remind myself that he is waiting for an answer.

"Because..." I start much quieter this time. "I know you just did it because you care about me."

He nods but I can tell by the look on his face that he knows that that is not what I was going to say originally. Luckily, he doesn't press me further.

"I do care about you," he says. "And I am sorry."

"I know." I take a deep breath and look him in the eye. "And I forgive you."

He smiles just the slightest bit at this. I look down, as we stand there in silence. I never could have predicted that I would have been able to forgive the person who reported me. Then again, I never could have predicted any of this.

"Do you feel a little better now?" he asks.

"A little," I say honestly.

"Can I ask you something, then?"

"I guess," I reply, looking back up at him.

"What happened to your hand?" he asks.

My first reaction is to cover my hand, but I realize that I cannot do that now since he is still holding my good hand.

"I don't want to talk about it." He gives me a concerned look, and I know what it means. "It wasn't Peter."

He seems to calm down at this, as he nods his head. There is silence again, as we stare back at each other. That is, until my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and see that it is a text from Christina.

"Well, Christina is expecting me," I say to him, as I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Right." He sighs. "Well, you'll be at Zeke's house later anyway, I'm guessing."

"I will." I nod. "Maybe neither of us will get wasted tonight."

He crosses his arms, a small smile on his lips. I can't help but notice how much I like it.

"I've already sworn off of drinking," he says. "So that's up to you."

"I'll try," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe we can get to know each other without drunk confessions and questionable choices."

"I'd like that," he says with a smirk.

"All right." I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling back. "I'll see you later, then."

He nods at me before I turn around and walk toward the exit. As I walk to Christina's house, I think about what just happened over and over again. And I wonder what it is about him that makes me want to get close to him even when I know what happens when I get close to people.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so glad you guys liked the last chapter! I hope you guys like this one, too. Please make sure you read the AN at the end of this chapter loves!**

* * *

 **Marlene POV**

I'm so tired of these stupid parties. Every single week. I get that it's a tradition, or whatever, and I know they all love it, but it's becoming so draining for me. They all expect to stroll into that house with a smile on my face, like I always do. I wish they would realize that it's fake. It's always fake, and it always has been. Lynn is the only one that knows that I'm still struggling. But sometimes, I feel like even she forgets when she forces me to go to these parties with her.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like she's just holding onto me because I'm a replacement of her friend who committed suicide.

"Mar, are you almost ready?"

Speak of the devil. I turn around, a lip gloss wand still in my hand, as she stares at me from the doorway of my room. And all I want to do is drop the lip gloss and tell her I'm not going. All I want is to lay down and never get up. But no matter how much I want all of this, I still find myself faking a smile as always.

"Patience," I say teasingly.

She smiles and rolls her eyes before walking away. My smile vanishes, as I turn back to the vanity. I look at my reflection and sigh. I want so badly to tell them. But I can't tell them without them worrying or trying to get me help again.

I don't need help. I just need to rest. I need a break.

"Come on!" Lynn yells.

I take a deep breath, willing myself to be strong. Just for a little while longer.

On the way to Zeke's house, we talk and laugh as usual. Except her laugh doesn't seem forced. Then again, she doesn't notice when mine is forced, so maybe I'm just not noticing either. Whatever the case, I know it's just going to get harder when we get there. Uriah can almost always tell when I'm pretending to be happy. I always have to work harder around him, probably because he's known me the longest.

When we get to Zeke's house, there are already quite a few people there, and there is already music playing. I feel myself cringing away from people, as I walk between groups. Lynn leads us right over to Uriah. She greets him briefly before moving onto her sister, and I stay behind. He walks over to me, a smile on his face, and I return it automatically.

"How ya doing, Mar?" he asks.

"Awesome!" I lie like I always do. "I think I'm gonna grab a drink."

"Mar..." He looks around briefly and then lowers his voice. "Don't you remember what we talked about?"

"We talk about a lot of things, Uri!" I reply cheekily, even though I know what he is referring to.

"I really don't think you should be drinking while you're on meds," he says seriously.

"Well, I'm not! I haven't taken my meds in days!"

"Marlene!"

"And look, I'm fine!" He stares back at me, concerned, but I ignore it. "Don't say a word to Lynn. You know how she gets. Now, I'm going to get a drink!"

I turn and walk away before he can say anything, but I can sense his eyes on me the entire time.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

"Can we _please_ make sure Four doesn't get drunk tonight?" Lynn whines.

"Oh, I don't think he'll be getting drunk again for a very, very long time!" I reply.

"He won't!"

I jump, nearly spilling the drink in my hand, as Four comes up behind us. He quirks an eyebrow at me, an amused smile on his face, as I roll my eyes at him. Lynn laughs at me, even after I glare at her. I guess my big sister powers are wearing off.

"Do you always have to be so creepy?" I huff dramatically. "You almost made me lose my drink."

"Yes, I do," he replies with a smirk. "And that was your own fault."

"For once, I agree with Four," Lynn says.

"Shut up, Lynn!"

"Make me!"

I narrow my eyes at her and go to grab at her, but she runs away before I can. Pride rushes through me as I watch my little sister scurry away, glancing over her shoulder to make sure I'm not following her. I guess my big sister powers aren't wearing off after all.

"So," Four says, as he leans against the wall next to me.

"So," I reply, smiling at him. "Is she coming tonight?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me, but I refuse to let up. I push his arm until he looks at me, and I give him a knowing look.

"Yes," he finally mutters. "She is."

"All right. Well, if she's going to be the future Mrs. Eaton, I just feel like I should know her better."

"Shauna."

"Sorry, future Mrs. Four?"

He groans, as he pushes himself off the wall and starts to wander away. He stops when he realizes that I am following him. He gives me a look, and I simply grin back at him. I watch, as he crosses his arms and sighs.

"What do you need to know about her?" he asks tiredly.

"How about her name, address, social security-"

"Shauna!"

"You know I'm kidding, Four!" I roll my eyes. "I just want to get to know her better! She seems nice."

"She is," he agrees, and I grin at him.

"And cute."

"She is."

"Aw, you love her!" I hit his arm dramatically until he grabs my hand to stop me. "I knew it!"

"Are you already drunk?" he asks, although he seems more amused than annoyed now.

"No!" He gives me a look, telling me he doesn't believe me. "I'm not! I just think it's so awesome that you finally like someone! I was starting to think that maybe you were a robot, Four."

"Gee, thanks," he says, rolling his eyes.

I open my mouth to respond, but I stop when I feel a tap on my shoulder. When I look around, I see Uriah staring back at me, but he is not grinning like he usually is. Instead, he looks nervous about something. As I look back at him, I can only pray that it doesn't have to do with Christina again. I don't think I can deal with that drama again.

"Hey, Shauna," he says, looking around.

"What's up, Uri?" I ask.

"I need to talk to you..." He lowers his voice. "It's about Marlene."

"Oh... Okay." I furrow my eyebrows before looking back at Four. "This conversation isn't over, Four."

He rolls his eyes again, as I walk away with Uriah following closely behind me. I have to say, I really miss the days when we could have parties without so much drama happening in the first ten minutes.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

The speaker is so close to the table that holds all of the drinks that I can barely hear Marlene, as she chatters away with Christina. Even when I could hear her, it didn't really hold my attention, anyway. They were mostly talking about makeup, for some reason. In the time that I've known Christina, I've found that that is one of her favorite things to talk about. And as pretty as she is, it didn't surprise me that Marlene was just as interested in the subject. As I stand there, waiting for Christina to pour out our shots, I consider looking around the room to see who else is here so far, but I would rather not make awkward eye contact with a certain person, so I just watch Christina's hands, as she pours.

"Why does Uri look so upset?" Lynn asks as she comes up next to us and grabs a cup.

Marlene and Christina both look back. I decide to bite the bullet and look back as well. When I do, I see Uriah and Shauna standing in one of the corners. Shauna is sipping steadily, her eyes glued to Uriah, as he talks to her. He does look upset, and I can't help but wonder what happened. When I look back at the girls, Marlene rolls her eyes and looks at Lynn.

"He's probably talking about me," she says dryly.

Although Lynn doesn't seem very happy with that answer, she does seem to understand what Marlene is talking about. I notice Christina look at Marlene for a second, jealousy in her eyes, but Marlene doesn't seem to notice, as she picks up her shot glass. We stand in silence for a moment, as Christina takes her own and hands me another. We look around at each other, and I wonder if they all feel the sudden tension that has surrounded us, or if it's just me. Before I can figure it out, Marlene raises her glass in the air.

"To bad decisions," she says with a grin.

I don't bother to question it this time, and it seems like nobody else is going to either. Marlene downs her shot, and the rest of us follow right after her. I put my glass down on the table, deciding that two is enough, especially since I was the one who told Tobias that it would be better if we didn't get wasted tonight. After the week I have had, I wish I could. But it would be pretty horrible to tell him that we shouldn't and then go and get drunk anyway.

"Another?" Marlene asks, still grinning, as she starts pouring herself another shot.

"Maybe you should slow down," Lynn says.

Marlene looks at her, her grin disappearing, and Lynn looks back at her, her eyebrow raised slightly. I look from them to Christina, who seems just as confused as me.

"Uhm..." I start, to break the silence. "Well, I think I'm done, so I'm gonna walk around."

"I'll join you," Christina says a little too quickly.

But they don't seem to notice. Marlene simply offers us a quick, half-hearted smile before looking down at her cup. As we walk away, Christina looks at me and grabs my arm.

"So..." She draws the word out. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe they're fighting or something."

"Maybe. Whatever it was, that was plain awkward." I nod my head in agreement, as she looks around the room. "Oh, look! There's Myra and Rita!"

I inwardly groan as she pulls me to the other side of the room with her. Yet another two girls for Christina to talk about fashion with while I stand off to the side, bored as hell.

As soon she becomes invested in the conversation, I decide that I will sneak away without telling her. Probably the easiest way since she might whine if she sees me leaving, even though I'm not really contributing to this conversation at all. As the other girls continue their conversation, I slowly begin to walk around the room in search of a familiar face.

Marlene and Lynn are still talking near the table. Uriah and Shauna are still talking as well, but now Zeke has joined them. I would rather not risk walking over and interrupting a serious conversation, so I rule that out.

Well, I guess I'll just stand here in the middle of the room, surrounded by strangers.

"You look lost."

I spin around and find myself staring back at Tobias, as he smiles slightly. I shrug my shoulders, as I try not to smile back at him.

"You can't really be lost if you're not looking for anything in particular."

I groan inwardly, as I wonder why I would say something so stupid. I guess small talk has never been my forte.

"So, you came to a party to wander?" he asks smartly.

"What do you come to parties for?" I retort, trying to get the attention off of me. "You don't drink. What fun is it for you?"

"Zeke's my best friend." He shrugs my shoulders. "It's like a contract. You have to be here if you're friends with him. Besides, I don't mind being the only sober one."

"Well, you won't be tonight," I tell him.

"I saw you taking shots before," he says with a smirk.

"Two." I roll my eyes. "Just two. I'll be fine."

"If you say so." I look around as someone bumps into me and continues on their way without even looking back. "Maybe we should get out of the way."

"Agreed," I sigh.

He smiles slightly, as he gestures for me to follow him. We weave through the crowd until we end up at the sofa against the wall. Nobody else is using it since everybody is either playing beer pong, standing around and talking, or dancing. I sit down next to him, but I remind myself not to sit too close to him. Unfortunately, that idea goes out the window, as I realize that I'll need to sit relatively close to him to hear him.

"What about you?" he asks, as he leans back. "Why do you come to these parties?"

"Because my best friend loves them." I shrug my shoulders. "And for a while she was my only friend. So instead of staying home alone with my brother, I would just go with her."

"So, we're both here because of our best friends," he says, shaking his head slightly.

"That, and sometimes drinking is fun," I add.

"I've never found it to be very fun."

I look at him, but he is not looking at me. Instead, his eyes are wandering around the room, as if he is observing everyone. He looks slightly upset, and I wonder if I should ask. I decide to do it anyway.

"Why?"

He looks at me, more serious now, for a moment before speaking.

"I don't like who I am when I drink," he says. "You lose control of yourself so easily when you're drunk, you know? It's like people aren't even themselves when they drink."

"Is that all?" I ask carefully.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course," I say honestly, and he sighs.

"The first time I got drunk is the reason why I never wanted to get drunk again," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Long story short, I went a little crazy, and I tried to fight with Zeke. Obviously, him and Uriah just kept pushing me off and trying to hold me down, but I just kept going for him. I don't even know why. He forgave me afterwards, but I don't think I ever forgave myself. I've been trying not to drink ever since."

I stare at him for a moment, unsure of what to say, as he brings his hands back into his lap and sighs. I find myself wondering if maybe that's the reason that he seemed so uncomfortable after he fought with Peter. He looks up at me, as the thought enters my head, and I remind myself that I have to respond, even if I have no idea how to. But he beats me to it.

"I've just found that it's better to channel that negative energy into something better," he says.

"What do you do, then?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Well, my uncle Amar owns a gym," he explains. "So, when he realized how much pent up anger I had, he put me in front of a punching bag and taught me how to fight. He said that it was okay to know how, and it was okay to practice, but that I should only use the skills when they were needed and never for unnecessary violence. Now, whenever I feel angry, I have a way to let it out without hurting anyone else."

"Well, now that you know that, don't you think you would be okay if you got drunk again?" I ask. "I mean, you were fine last time."

"I'd rather not think about last time," he says, smiling slightly. I can't help but smile back this time. "And I'd rather not risk it."

We sit in silence for a moment, as I consider everything that he's said. I watch, through the crowds of people, as a girl throws a small, white ball, and it lands directly in one of the red cups on the opposite end of the table. She jumps and squeals excitedly, as she high-fives her partner. I listen to the upbeat pop song playing loudly.

I find myself thinking again, this is definitely not like Eric's. And as the thought enters my mind, I think of someone else. And I remember what he said.

 _This isn't over._

And while I know I shouldn't spend time worrying over it, I still know that Peter wasn't lying when he said that. As I consider everything that Tobias has told me, I realize that there may be another way that he could help me.

"Hey, To… Er, Four," I say quickly, as I realize that we are still surrounded by people even if we're not paying attention to any of them.

"Hm?" he replies, looking at me.

"Do you think, maybe, you could… teach me how to fight?"

He quirks an eyebrow at me before looking away, as if to consider this.

"I would ask why, but I think I already know," he mutters.

"I really appreciate that you helped me last time," I say, making him look at me again. "But I also know that you won't always be there."

He looks slightly pained at this, and I almost regret saying it. He composes himself quickly and nods his head slowly.

"You're right," he says. "I'll teach you. Whenever you want."

"Thanks," I say softly.

He smiles slightly at me, and we look at each other for a moment. Before I can think of something else to say, I feel someone plop down on the couch next to me. I look around to see Shauna smiling at me. She has a drink in her hand and, considering there's not very much in it, I have to guess that she's had a good amount to drink.

"Well, hello!" she says, confirming that she is tipsy. "How are you, Tris?"

"I'm good," I say awkwardly, as I wonder why she is suddenly talking to me. "How are you?"

"So good," she sighs. "Listen, I feel bad because I barely know you! I mean, last time there was so much shit happening, that I didn't really get to talk to you at all, and I-"

"Shauna," Tobias cuts in, giving her a warning look. "Surely interrupting a serious conversation isn't the way to introduce yourself."

"Don't be silly, Four!" She grins. "It's the only way! Anyway, what were you two talking about?"

"Uhm... Fighting," I say since it's the first thing I could think of. She raises an eyebrow at me. "I don't mean we were fighting. I mean we were talking about... fighting."

"I'm going to teach her how to fight," Tobias says with a sigh.

"Oh!" She puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles. "You know, he taught me too! He's a really good teacher. You're gonna be kicking ass in no time."

I can't help but feel a little jealous, as Tobias rolls his eyes but still smiles a bit. But then I remind myself that Shauna is with Zeke. And Four has already admitted to having feelings for me. Still, I can't help but feel a little uncomfortable sitting between the two of them. It might just be my anxiety acting up, but I decide to act on it anyway.

"Well, I should probably go find Christina," I say, as I stand up.

I feel both of their eyes on me, as I start to walk away. But I am stopped before I can even take two steps, when I hear Shauna call out my name. I turn around and look at her.

"What's your middle name?" she asks.

"Uhm..." I try not to show how confused the question made me. "Hazel."

"Right." She grins. "Okay, thanks!"

I nod my head awkwardly before turning around and weaving through the crowd to get back to Christina.

* * *

 **Four POV**

The grin stays on Shauna's face, as she watches Tris walk away. I look at her, confused, but she doesn't seem to notice.

"And why did you ask her what her middle name is?"

Finally, she looks back at me, still grinning and laughs.

"So that you know what to call her when you propose, of course!" I roll my eyes, as she pretends to hold up a ring. "Tris Hazel... What's her last name?"

"Not telling," I mutter.

She pushes my arm, but luckily, she doesn't ask again. Instead, she takes a sip from her drink. As we sit there talking, I watch Tris across the room, as she talks to Christina about something. It must be something good since Christina keeps smiling and pushing Tris playfully. Maybe her and Shauna aren't too different from each other. I'm not sure how long Shauna and I sit there before Zeke walks into the middle of the room and announces loudly that it is time for Candor or Dauntless.

* * *

 **Sorry to end it there but I really haven't had a lot of time, and I figured a slightly short chapter would be better than no chapter at all! Anyway next chapter is up to you guys!**

 **Do you want to see the Candor or Dauntless or should the next chapter be after the party entirely? Let me know what you want :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Since nobody really voted on which way to go, I decided to just make this chapter after the party completely. Anyway, thank you guys for your support and love! I hope you guys like this chapter!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

 _My shoulders began to shake, as I buried my face in my pillow and cried. My father had just gotten done yelling at me and telling me how stupid I am. Even after years of this, it still hurt each time, even though I wished it didn't._

 _As I cried, my mother came into my room, as she often did after my father yelled at me. I didn't look at her, as she sat down next to me on my bed, but I could tell that she was looking at me._

 _"There's no need to cry, Beatrice," she said._

 _But it didn't sound comforting. It sounded more like a fact. Like I wasn't allowed to cry, but for some reason, that thought just made me cry harder._

 _"I know, I just-" I hiccuped. "I-"_

 _"I can't understand you when you're crying." She sounded more frustrated at this. "Breathe."_

 _I took a deep, shuddering breath, as she stared down at me._

 _"You need to pull yourself together, Beatrice," she said sternly. "No more crying. You know he means well. You just need to stop provoking him."_

* * *

The sunlight stings my eyes, as I finally open them. I can tell by the brightness that it is already about midday. Even though this is much later than I usually sleep, I still feel like I could sleep for a few more hours. My eyelids are heavy, and I feel as if all of my energy is gone.

The only thing that I really feel is the stinging in my hand. When I look at it, I see that the gauze wrapped around it is no longer in place. I know I will have to re-wrap it, but I don't even want to move.

I hear my phone vibrate, as it rests on the bedside table. I groan quietly. It takes just about all of my energy to reach over to the table and pick the phone up. When I look at the screen, I see that I have two texts from Christina.

 _What are you doing today?_ the first reads.

 _Helloooo? Wake up, Trissy!_ the second reads.

I roll my eyes and text her back, asking how she knew that I was sleeping. To which, she replies that it was a lucky guess. Within five minutes, we have had a full conversation and she has invited herself over.

 _I'm not really feeling good,_ I tell her.

 _Well, take a Tylenol. I'm outside your building right now!_

I roll my eyes and bury my face in my pillow. A minute later, I hear the front door open and I hear the sound of Caleb's voice, followed by the much louder sound of Christina's. A few seconds later, the door to my bedroom opens. I look up and see Christina staring at me from the doorway, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh, god," she says, as she closes the door behind her. "Are you actually sick?"

"No," I sigh. "I don't think so."

She stares at me, obviously concerned, as she walks over to my bed and sits down next to me. There is silence for a moment before she speaks again.

"Sad spell?" she asks.

"I guess," I mumble.

She nods her head slowly, still staring at me. She pats my arm gently and smiles a little.

"Well, come on," she says. "Why don't we go out and do something?"

"I'm really not feeling up to it," I try again.

"Come on, please?" She nudges me and pouts. "I still have to get a dress for formal. Help me find one? We won't even look for anything for you, if you don't want to."

I sigh, knowing that she isn't going to leave me alone no matter how long we sit here, arguing. So, I give in.

"Okay, fine. Just give me a few minutes."

She nods her head and smiles a bit before standing up and walking back out to the living room. I take a deep breath, as I push myself into a sitting position. I rub my eyes and push myself out of bed before trudging to my closet and picking out a sweatshirt and a pair of leggings.

Once I have re-wrapped my hand and put my hair in a ponytail, I walk out of my room and into the living room where Christina is sitting on the couch across from Caleb. Neither of them are speaking, but Christina doesn't seem bothered by that, since she is staring down at her phone. Caleb looks around at me, as I walk toward the door, but I don't say anything to him, seeing as we haven't even spoken to each other since the night that I caught him looking through my phone.

"Are you ready?"

She looks at me briefly before standing up and walking toward me.

"Yup!" she says happily.

Before we leave, I look at Caleb, who was already watching us.

"I'll be back soon," I say shortly.

He sighs and nods his head, as I turn around and walk through the front door, closely followed by Christina.

* * *

I can't help but feel a little relieved that Christina agreed that we wouldn't look for my dress today, seeing as she has already picked out ten dresses herself. The only thing worse than watching Christina try them all on is having to try on a few myself.

I follow her to the changing room and sit on one of the cushioned chairs nearby so that she can come out and model each dress for me, and I can tell her how each one looks.

"What do you think?" she says, as she comes out of the changing room.

The first one is a deep red color and it is a high-low cut so that her legs are showing. I furrow my eyebrows without thinking, as I look at her legs.

And that's when I realize that I've been so wrapped up in my own problems lately that I haven't even been paying attention and checking if she has been eating or not. I haven't been paying attention to her weight, but now it is blatantly obvious that I should have been watching her this whole time.

"It looks... good," I say slowly, as I try to figure out a way to approach it without angering her.

"What?" she groans. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing! I said it looks good."

"Yeah, but you're a terrible liar," she says, rolling her eyes. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's just…" I rack my mind for an answer. "It's a formal dance. Don't you think maybe you should get a long dress?"

"This is a long dress!" she argues. "It's just short in the front! Oh, whatever. I'll try on the other ones, if you really don't like it."

I breathe a sigh of relief, as I watch her go back into the changing room and close the door behind her. As I wait for her, I try to think of a way to address it without getting into an argument. For quite a while, I come up with nothing.

* * *

On Monday, I stand in front of my locker, waiting for her. I have finally decided on a way to bring up my concerns about her weight. I just have to hope that it works and that she doesn't get too mad at me. Finally, she comes up besides me and smiles at me before looking herself over in the mirror attached to the inside of my locker door.

"Hey," she says. "You ready?"

I nod my head, as I shut the locker door. We start walking toward the back doors, as we always do to sneak out. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that it is now or never. I stop walking, and she looks at me, confused.

"I was thinking," I say, as she stands in front of me. "Maybe we should actually go to lunch today."

"We haven't gone to lunch since..." She shakes her head. "I don't know. A while. Why do you want to go all of a sudden?"

"I just think it'd be a good idea to go considering..."

"Considering what?" she asks, furrowing her eyebrows at me.

I take a deep breath to prepare for what I am about to say.

"Considering your past," I say softly. "You're losing weight again, Chris."

She raises her eyebrows, as she stares back at me. A moment of silence goes by before she lets out a humorless laugh.

"Are you serious?"

"Chris, just come to lunch with me," I try again. "We can-"

"I eat, okay?" she snaps. "My weight is fine. I'm not going to lunch."

"Will you go for me?"

She shakes her head at me, clearly annoyed. I wish she could see that I am only bringing this up because I care about her, and because I'm worried about her. But this is something that Christina has always been defensive about.

"I'm going out to smoke," she says, as she starts to walk away. "Have fun at lunch."

I call after her, but she ignores me, as she continues on her way to sneak outside.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

"So then, she said-"

"Shut up, Uriah," Zeke grumbles.

"No, no, no! So then, she said-"

"Shut up!"

"Let me finish the goddamn joke!"

Zeke rolls his eyes, and Marlene smirks at me, as she picks at her food. Lynn, Shauna, and Four are kinda just ignoring me, but that's usually how it goes. Luckily, though, Zeke has finally stopped interrupting me, so I decide to tell the end of the joke. But before I can get it out, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over my shoulder, and I see Tris standing over me.

"Hey, Tris!" I call out excitedly. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were in this lunch period!"

"I am," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "I just don't usually come to lunch."

"Well, do you want to sit?"

I gesture to the seat next to me, and she nods before sitting down. She says a quick 'hello' to everyone at the table. As I look around at them, all of them greet her before returning their attention to their food or each other. Of course, Four is the only one awkward enough to keep staring at her, but she doesn't seem to notice, as she looks at me.

"I think we need to start working on a new song," she says to me.

"Really? Was I butchering the last one?"

"No, it's not that," she says. "It's just that someone I know is going through something, and I have a song that I think they would really appreciate."

"Say no more!" I clap my hands together for dramatic effect. "Actually say a little more. Who is it for?"

"Maybe I'll tell you later."

"All right," I whine.

For the rest of the lunch period, all of us fall into an easy conversation, and Tris joins in pretty quickly. Unfortunately, I never get to tell the end of my joke. Oh, well.

When the period is over, we all stand up to throw away our things. Seeing as Tris never got any food to begin with, she simply stands up and says goodbye to us before leaving. As she walks away, Four stares after her. I come up beside him and smirk, as I throw an arm around his shoulders.

"I remember when you used to look at _me_ like that," I say.

He rolls his eyes and pushes me off of him before walking out of the cafeteria alone. I grin, as I turn around and see Marlene smirking back at me.

"You're ridiculous," she says, as we start walking out together.

"But you love it!"

She rolls her eyes, as I hold open the door for her. There is a silence between us for a moment, as we walk through the packed hallway. And in that moment, I wonder if I should risk saying something. Of course, I've been worried about her ever since she told me she wasn't taking her meds, but I also don't want to upset her. I've known her for so long. Usually, she is happy and outgoing. But as soon as I mention anything about her medicine, she automatically shuts down, and I don't want that to happen.

"Sorry if I freaked you out on Friday," she says suddenly.

I look at her, surprised that she is the one bringing it up, as we stop in front of her classroom. She looks at me, a glint of playfulness in her eyes. It always seems to be there even when she is talking about something sad or serious. Some people might find it weird that she can be so cheery and happy on the outside, yet so depressed on the inside. I don't find it weird, seeing as we are both pretty similar in that way. The only difference is that she is on medication that she refuses to take.

"You didn't freak me out, I was just worried," I say. "You know I love you, Mar. You're my best friend. I just want you to be okay, you know?"

"Well, I'm getting there." She shrugs. "I don't need my medication to get there."

"Marlene-"

"I don't." She glances at her watch before smiling slightly at me. "You're gonna be late to class, Uri. I'll talk to you later."

With that, she walks into her classroom without giving me a chance to respond.

* * *

 **Four POV**

I'm not quite sure how this happened. But Tris is sitting in my car. Well, that is a lie. I know how it happened, but I'm still surprised that she agreed to come with me.

I managed to catch her just as she was leaving the school at the end of the day. She looked confused, as she walked out and looked around. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that her brother usually picked her up, so she wasn't sure which bus she was supposed to get on. Since I had no idea how to find out, I offered her a ride home. Surprisingly, she said yes. And now, we are sitting in a comfortable silence, as I start my car.

I look at her briefly and smile slightly. She isn't looking at me. She is staring out the window at the other people walking through the parking lot. A few seconds later, she looks at me, and I quickly look back at the steering wheel.

"Why do you look at me like that?"

I raise an eyebrow, as I look back up at her. It almost sounds like it was meant to be an accusation but the question became softer, more curious, toward the end.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "Because you're beautiful."

She rolls her eyes and looks away, as her cheeks turn pink. I can't say I expected a different reaction.

"Make a left out of the parking lot," she says. As I start driving, I can feel her eyes on me. "I have a question."

"What is it?" I ask, as I make the left turn.

"When can you start teaching me?"

"Not any time soon," I say. "I'm not teaching you anything until your hand is healed."

"My hand is fine," she mutters. I can't help but smirk at her stubbornness. "Take the second right."

"I'm guessing you still don't want to tell me how it got messed up in the first place."

There is silence for a moment, as she seems to consider this. Truth be told, I already have a good idea of what happened, since I hurt my hand in a pretty similar way when I was younger. It turns out punching a wall does more damage to your hand than the wall, but I was too angry to think about it before I acted.

"Not really," she says quietly. "Maybe another time."

"Fair enough."

We spend the rest of the short ride in a comfortable silence until she points to a building on the right side of the road and tells me to pull up to the front. I do as she says, and park the car in front of the building before looking at her. She looks at the window, as she pushes some stray strands of hair behind her ear. I watch her, as she takes a deep breath before turning to look at me.

"Tobias?" she says softly.

"Tris?" I reply, smiling slightly.

"Do you want to come in?"

For a moment, I'm not sure that I heard her correctly. But as she stares back at me, almost nervously, I realize that I did.

"Actually, I have to go to work," I say slowly.

"Oh..." I frown at the look on her face, as she looks down and pulls her bag into her lap. "Okay, well I guess I'll see you later, then."

I mentally curse myself, as she opens to car door, and I force myself to think fast for a way to fix this.

"Friday."

She turns around to face me, one of her legs already out of the car, and quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Huh?"

"How about Friday?" I try again. "After the support group meeting, before Zeke's party. What do you say?"

She looks at me for a moment, and I can tell that she is holding back a smile. I can't help but smile just at the thought, as she looks down at her lap.

"Okay," she says quietly. "I'll see you then, Tobias."

I nod, as she steps out of the car and closes the door behind her. She looks back at me for a moment, the beginning of a smile on her lips, before she turns around and walks toward the entrance of the building.

* * *

 **Marlene POV**

I put on some music, as I set my bag down on my bed. I look behind me to make sure that my door is closed before I reach into my bag to pull out my prescription, which I picked up on the way home. I look at the label on the orange bottle and snort.

It reads, _Trileptal 300 MG._

I reach my free hand under my bed and pull out a pink box about the size of my torso. I pull the top off, revealing some photo albums and other sentimental items. I put all of these items on top so that my parents won't be suspicious if they ever find this box and decide to look inside. Since there's no one in here now, I push aside all of the memorabilia to reveal my collection of full prescription bottles just like the one I hold in my hand. I place the newest bottle in with them and look over my collection.

It's become so easy. All I have to do is go back to my doctor once a month and tell her that my medicine isn't helping at all. She always asks if I'm taking it consistently. And when I tell her that I am, she writes me a stronger prescription.

I place the lid back onto the box and slide it back under the bed before climbing onto the bed and sighing. I've already saved up a good amount of pills, but I want to make sure I have enough.

Maybe just one more month.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey all! I'm so so sorry that this chapter is so short, but I've been really low on time and I figured an update with a short chapter was better than no update at all, so here it is.**

 **I'm also having a bit of writer's block so ideas would be awesome but if you don't have any/don't want to give any that's fine, too. I'll be working on it anyway! :)**

 **Also, disclaimer: I don't own the song "Scars to Your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara, but I highly recommend you listen to it! :P**

 **Hope you like it!**

* * *

 **Caleb POV**

Cara walks alongside me, as we leave the office. Our work day is over, and we have both made a habit of walking out together so that we can get a decent amount of conversation in before we go home. Not to say that we don't talk at work. We do quite a bit, even when we aren't supposed to. In any case, Cara has become my main confidant, meaning I feel free to tell her absolutely anything.

Of course, I decided to tell her what happened with Beatrice. I thought that maybe she would add a good perspective as an outsider. Along with that, Cara is always good with things like this. She is blunt enough to tell me what I am doing wrong, sympathetic enough to understand, and intelligent enough to offer a solution. When I finish telling her everything, she shakes her head but says nothing for a moment.

"Well," she says finally. "I think you know what you did wrong, so we can skip that."

"We can," I agree.

"What exactly do you think she's hiding?"

"I don't know," I sigh, as we get onto the elevator. "Knowing her, it could be just about anything. I'm more scared than anything. Ever since she became friends with Christina, she's just been making bad decision after bad decision."

"Oh, I know," Cara says, rolling her eyes. "Don't forget, my brother dated that girl."

I nod my head reluctantly, as I think of all the times that Beatrice would disappear with Christina for hours on end and come back smelling like cigarettes. It was like a switch. Looking back, I know the exact day that they met. I know because she went off to school as the quiet, wide-eyed Beatrice that I took in when our parents passed. But when she came home that day, that wide-eyed apprehension was gone, replaced by a certain weariness. Over time, she became even more stubborn if that was even possible, more secretive. Less motivated.

"I wish I knew how to help her," I say suddenly.

Cara stops walking and turns to look at me, as we stand in front of my car. She nods her head sympathetically.

"Well, don't look through her things, for starters." She smiles slightly at me, and I can't help but return it. "Give it some time. She needs your support more than anything right now. Go home, apologize, tell her you won't do it again. Then, tell her everything you tell me. I doubt that you two have recently sat and _calmly_ talked everything out the way you do with me."

"You're right." I sigh. "You're always right."

"I try," she says, as she starts to walk away. "Goodnight, Caleb."

I watch after her for a moment, as she walks to her own car, before I get into my car and begin the drive home.

* * *

 _"Do you need any help?"_

 _Beatrice looked around at me, her eyes wide. There were boxes of her things scattered around her new bedroom. Before I interrupted her, she had been picking through one of the boxes. As her brother, I knew that she wanted to be alone. But I also knew that she couldn't possibly be completely fine after everything that had happened._

 _In such a short amount of time, our parents died, I took over as her legal guardian, and I moved all of her things into my apartment. I knew that all of this couldn't have been easy for her to handle. But of course, she remained stone-faced like always._

 _"No..." She looked around briefly. "I think I'll be okay."_

 _"Okay," I said. "Well, let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all."_

 _She nodded her head, still staring at me with wide eyes. There was silence for a moment, as I tried to decide if I should say something more. But I think we both knew that there wasn't really anything either of us could say. So, finally, I nodded back before turning around to leave her room._

 _"Caleb."_

 _I stopped and turned around, and I noticed that her eyes were more glassy now. Before I could say anything, she walked toward me and wrapped her arms around me. It felt so odd, since we never really showed each other much physical affection growing up. We never said we loved each other or hugged each other. It was just sort of implied that we cared about each other. For that reason, it took a few seconds of shock before I finally brought myself to return the hug. We only stood there for a moment before she took a step back and looked at me again._

 _"Thanks," she said._

* * *

I take a deep breath, as I park the car and let myself out. I know that what I did was wrong, but I did it because I want to keep her safe. I've been trying so hard to protect her since the day our parents died, but I feel like I've been failing over and over again.

As I walk up the stairs, I tell myself that that will all change today. Today, I will talk to her and let her say whatever she needs to say. I will explain to her why I did what I did and how sorry I am.

When I open the front door, the first thing I notice is how dark the room is. I flip on the light switch by the door and look around, but the whole place is quiet. I take a deep breath, as I try to stop myself from getting angry.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and find her name in my contacts list. I call her once. I call her twice. Nothing. I sigh to myself, as I put my phone down on the table and sit down, resting my head in my hands.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

After sitting in the apartment for a while and doing homework, I decided that sitting around in the silence was driving me crazy. And since Christina was probably still mad at me, I decided that I would take off on my own. So, I walked myself to the park and back to the bridge that I sometimes hide under when I want to be alone. I settle under the bridge and sit for a few moments before pulling my cigarettes out of my pocket.

"Well, if it isn't Tris."

I don't even bother to look up, as I light my cigarette. I already know who it is by the sound of his voice.

"Hey, Zach," I reply.

I can say honestly that Zach is my only elderly homeless friend. I met him when I ran away and hid under the bridge to get away from Caleb. Apparently, this was his hiding spot, too, but he didn't mind sharing it with me because I looked so upset. Ever since then, we have seen each other a couple of times, whenever I hide under here.

He sits down next to me and runs a hand through his thin white hair before reaching into his pocket to retrieve his own cigarettes.

"I haven't seen you in a while," he says, lighting his cigarette. "I thought maybe you stopped smoking those death sticks by now."

I roll my eyes. "You say as you light your own."

"That's different," he says. "I'm already dead."

"Liar."

"Maybe. Maybe not." He smiles, as if the words were an inside joke with himself. "Anyway, whatcha been up to, little girl?"

"Little girl?"

"Big girl," he grumbles. "Huge girl. Humongous."

"I get it," I roll my eyes. "I don't know. Just getting into trouble as usual."

"You're always getting into something, aren't you?" I shrug my shoulders in response. "You ought to be more careful."

"Why do you say that?" I ask.

"You're a smart girl," he says with a sigh. "You don't gotta be living like this."

"What if I like living like this?"

He looks at me, really looks at me. In the time that I've known him, I've never seen so much pain in his eyes. He is always joking, always trying to be positive despite his situation. But now, it's as if I can see all of the pain that he has been carrying with him for so long, and I find myself unable to look away.

"You don't, sweetheart," he says quietly. "Nobody likes living like this."

* * *

It is fairly dark outside when I start walking back to the apartment. There aren't many people out, but I know that it still isn't safe to be out here alone this late, so I find myself walking fast. But I stop short, as I approach the opening to the alleyway. I lean against the brick wall, as I hear a voice coming from the alley.

 _Peter._

My heart starts racing, as the sound registers in my head. I hear his voice getting closer. He can't see me. My entire body is shaking, as I stand with my body pressed up against the cold brick wall. I look around for a place to hide, but there is nothing. Finally, I decide what to do. I pull the hood of my jacket over my head and take a deep breath, hoping that I will be able to walk past the alley without him seeing my face.

But I have never had the best luck. Just as I get the nerve to walk past the opening, I can see that Peter is also walking out from the corner of my eye. As he leaves the alley and I walk past it completely, I can sense his eyes on me. And then, I hear another voice that sends chills down my spine.

"Hey, isn't that..." the voice trails off.

Eric.

 _Don't look back. Don't look back._

I keep walking quickly, although I can sense them behind me. And then, it happens. The very second that I feel one of their hands touch my shoulder, I take off sprinting before they can grab me. I hear Peter yell something, but I don't stop running. Adrenaline courses through me, as I force myself to run faster than I've ever run before. Adrenaline and fear.

Even when I am sure that they are no longer chasing me, I still continue to run. I don't stop until I find myself in front of the apartment building. I look around before stopping to catch my breath. And it is only then that I realize how hard I am breathing and how much my feet hurt. It is only then that I realize that tears had managed to escape from my eyes.

My body is still shaking with fear. And as I stand there, trying to pull myself together, I remember how Zach had warned me to be more careful. I remember what he said to me.

 _Nobody likes living like this._

And I don't know if it is the thought of that conversation, or the panic that I just experienced from Peter almost catching me, or maybe it's just a mix of everything coming down on me. Whatever it is, I find myself crying hard, as I stand there just feet from the entrance of my building.

"Tris, what the hell!"

I look up, tears clouding my vision. Still, I can tell that the person standing in front of me is Christina, and I let out a breath of relief, as she rushes toward me and wraps her arms around me.

"What the fuck happened?" she asks, concern laced in her voice.

I shake my head at her. Even if I wanted to explain what just happened, I am crying way too hard for the words to come out. I am too ashamed to admit that Peter and Eric still have this effect over me. That I'm still so afraid of them. That I nearly felt my heart stop when I heard his voice. Not just because of the memories, but for the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to fight him off if he had gotten a chance to do something.

I know Tobias wants to help me. But he wasn't there this time, and I was in no way ready to protect myself. That needs to change.

"Come on," Christina says, as she pulls me toward the door. "Let me take you upstairs."

I nod my head wordlessly, as she pulls me along with her. I know that Caleb is going to freak out as soon as he sees me in this state, but I know there is no avoiding that. So, instead, I find myself wondering why Christina is even here to begin with. As if she was reading my mind, she sighs and glances at me briefly as we walk up the stairs.

"I'm sorry I got so mad at you, Tris," she says softly. "I've been a really shitty friend, haven't I?"

I want to tell her that she isn't a shitty friend and that I understand why she reacted the way she did. But none of that comes out, as I continue to cry and gasp for air. There never seems to be enough.

* * *

 _Beauty is pain, and there's beauty in everything  
What's a little bit of hunger?  
I can go a little while longer  
She fades away_

 **Uriah POV**

I cannot seem to get the lyrics of the new song out of my head. It's pretty obvious that it is about someone with an eating disorder, since it mentions eating nothing to be pretty numerous times. I can't help but wonder who Tris knows that is struggling with an eating disorder. Then again, the only friend of hers that I know of is Christina, so if it is one of her friends outside of the school, there would be no way of me knowing. As I leave the school after the support group meeting, I am still thinking about it.

"Hey," someone says, breaking me from my thoughts.

I look up and find myself staring back at Christina. I smile at her, even though she looks kinda nervous.

"Hey," I say. "How's it going?"

"It could be better I guess." She shrugs. "Are you walking home?"

"Yeah, are you?" She nods her head in response. "Well, come on. I'll walk with you."

She smiles slightly, as we continue walking together. As we walk, I watch other students from the support group or different extracurricular activities going to cars or just walking like Christina and I. There is a buzz in the air, as they all try to get in another minute of conversation before they scatter. But for awhile, Christina and I just walk in silence. It feels weird to me, since I'm so used to carrying a conversation with everyone, so I decide to say something.

"What could be better?" I ask.

"Better?" She quirks an eyebrow at me. "What are you talking about?"

"Before, you said things could be better," I remind her.

"Oh, I don't know. I just..." She looks around for a moment and sighs. "Honestly, I just feel like I've been a shitty friend lately."

"I should say so! You haven't even made me a friendship bracelet yet!"

"Oh, shut up." She pushes me playfully, and I smile back at her. "I didn't mean to you. I meant... someone else."

"Tris?"

"Yeah." She sighs. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're a shitty friend."

"You barely know me."

"I know enough to know that you're not a shitty friend." I nudge her shoulder, and she smiles down at the ground as we walk. "I wouldn't hang out with you if you were a shitty person."

"And I wouldn't have kissed you if _you_ were a shitty person," she says, still smiling.

"Then it's settled. Neither of us are shitty people."

She chuckles, but she still doesn't look at me, so I look at her for a moment before I find myself smiling down at the ground as well. We continue to walk in silence again for a moment, but this time, the silence is completely comfortable.

* * *

 **Four POV**

I keep my eyes on her for the entire duration of the support group meeting. Not that that is anything new, seeing as I always find myself watching her when she is around. But this time, I can't stop looking at her because of how anxious she seems. As usual, she is not looking up, and she keeps alternating between playing with the gauze on her hand and biting at the edge of her thumb. All the while, her leg is shaking. Seeing her so on edge makes me want to help her, but I know I have to wait until we are alone.

So, as soon as the meeting ends, I waste no time in following her. As soon as we are in the hallway together, she looks around, probably to make sure we are alone, before she turns back to me with an unmistakable urgency in her eyes.

"You need to teach me," she says suddenly.

"I will, just not now," I reply, gesturing toward her hand.

"Forget about my fucking hand, Tobias!" she hisses. "I need to learn now!"

"Where is this coming from?"

I take her good hand in mine, and her body seems to relax just the slightest bit. She sighs and looks down, but she doesn't pull her hand away. I decide to take that as a good sign.

"I just want to be ready," she says softly.

"Tris." I squeeze her hand, and she looks up at me. "What happened?"

"I sorta ran into Peter again," she says slowly, as my blood begins to boil automatically. "And another guy, Eric, who had some problems with me."

"What did they do?" I ask in a voice that I barely recognize as my own.

"They didn't get to do anything," she says. "They just... They tried to grab me, but I ran."

Apparently, that was all I needed to hear. Before I even realize what I am doing, I have dropped her hand and started walking away from her, pure anger fueling my every step. In my mind, I see the image of that low-life towering over Tris in the back of an alley. I see the fear in her eyes, and the pride in his. They way he got pride out of threatening her.

I don't care. I'll wait in that alley all day for him. I'll find him.

"Tobias!"

I am broken from my thoughts when I feel her small hand grasp onto my forearm from behind. I freeze in my tracks, as a strange feeling radiates from the space where her hand is touching me. I feel my own body relax just the slightest bit, and I feel the fog in my mind disappearing.

I have always had some problems controlling my anger. But I remind myself that after what Tris has been through, anger is probably the last thing she wants from me. I don't want her to be afraid of me or think that I will be anything like her ex boyfriend. As much as I want to act on my anger and go find him and make sure he never tries anything with her again, I know that that isn't how she wants to handle this.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, as she walks around me so that we are face-to-face.

"It's okay, it's just..." She releases my arm and looks me in the eye. "Please. Teach me."

I stare back at the hopeful look in her eyes for a moment before I finally respond.

"I will."


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry it's a little short, but I've been low on time. Anyway, in this chapter, the PEACE SERUM is going to be referred to as Peace but it's the same thing as the peace serum from the books! I hope you guys like it!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

If my hand was messed up before, it is basically destroyed by now. It has been about a week since Tobias started teaching me, and if I have learned anything about him in that time it is that he firmly believes in repetition as a means of learning. I have bruised knuckles and sore muscles to prove that. He has taken me to practice just about everyday, but that is mostly because I refuse to take a day off until I feel that I have learned enough.

We have been practicing at his uncle's gym, and Tobias told me that he works there. Luckily his uncle, Amar, didn't seem to mind that he was teaching me while he was on the clock or using the gym's equipment. He even said that he was in the process of training Tobias to become an instructor at the gym, so teaching me would be perfect practice.

It was still a bit awkward to meet Amar though. As soon as I introduced myself, the first thing he said was that he knew who I was because Four was always talking about me. The entire session was a little awkward after that.

"How about this one?"

I look up at Christina, as she holds up a short hot pink dress. My face scrunches up before I can even think to stop myself, and she rolls her eyes and puts it back on the rack.

"You're gonna have to pick one eventually," she says.

I just shrug my shoulders, as I walk around the store with her. Since I had been spending so much time learning how to fight, and beating myself up in the process, Christina suggested that I take a break by going shopping with her so that we could find my dress for formal. Caleb even offered to pay for it because he felt bad about what happened. And since I couldn't tell him that I've been taking his money anyway, I took it and thanked him.

"Why are you so quiet, anyway?" Christina asks, as she looks through a row of dresses.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Such as...?"

"Doesn't matter." I roll my eyes. "Can we just hurry this up so we can get out of here and go to the party?"

"Well, if you want to get out of here, then pick a dress!"

I groan, as she continues to look. I wander away from her and look through one of the sale racks. I pick up one of the hangers which holds a black knee length dress. I look at it for a moment. I want to believe that I am pretty enough to wear something like this, but at the same time, I know that it would probably look ridiculous on me, and I would rather not embarrass myself. Just as I am about to replace it on the rack, Christina grabs onto my arm from behind.

"That's so cute!" she squeaks. "You need to try it on."

"Christina," I groan.

"Oh come on!" she pouts. "Last one, and then we can go."

I roll my eyes and start walking in the direction of the changing room, and she grins as she walks alongside me. She stands outside, as I let myself into the room and start changing my clothes. I try not to groan at the pain, seeing as my muscles are so sore. Finally, I get the dress on, and I decide to let Christina see it before I even look at myself in the mirror since I already know that it's going to look bad. I open the door and walk out, and she smiles at me.

"I knew it wasn't gonna look good," I tell her.

"Shut up, Tris," she says, rolling her eyes. "It looks awesome. Have you even looked at yourself?"

"No, I-"

"Oh my god! Go look now."

I roll my eyes, as I turn around and walk back into the changing room, but this time she follows me in. I look at the mirror, wondering what it is I am supposed to be seeing. Sure, the dress fits, but that is about it. I am still small, still plain.

"Come on, imagine this," she tries again. "With your hair down, with just a little bit of makeup. It looks so good on you, and it's gonna look even better! You really don't see it?"

I shake my head and shrug, and she stares at me through the mirror. I notice that she looks a little upset for a moment before she collects herself again and sighs.

"Well, this is it," she says, pointing to the dress. "This is the one you're getting."

"Christina!"

"No but's. Now change back, and we can get out of here."

And with that, she leaves me alone in the changing room, standing in front of the mirror.

* * *

As I stand in a small circle with Lauren, Myra, Rita, and Christina, I can't help but feel a little bored. So, as they talk, I wander away and over to the drinks table. As I walk over, I notice Marlene standing by the table with her back to me. For a moment, I wonder if I should approach her. But then, I realize that she probably won't even want to talk to me since she seems to like talking to Christina more than me.

But when I come up beside her, she doesn't even seem to notice. Even as I pour out a drink, she just stands there, staring at the cup in her hands. I can't help but feel like there must be something wrong, and even though I hardly know her, I feel as if I can't just walk away without checking.

"Uhm... Hey," I say, and she looks up at me with wide eyes.

"Oh, hey!" She shakes her head and smiles slightly. "I'm sorry, I must have spaced out."

"Oh, no problem."

We are silent for a moment, as she sighs and I try to think of something else to say. After all, I barely know Marlene. It might be weird for me to just outright ask her what is wrong.

"So, uhm... Have you seen Uriah?" I ask, to break the silence.

"He's around somewhere." She shrugs before taking a sip of her drink. "Whatever. He's been a pain in the ass lately. Anyway, what's going on with you and Four?"

I almost choke on my drink, but she doesn't seem to notice, since she is taking a sip of her own drink. I can't help the odd feeling that I got from the mention of Tobias, and mostly, the implication that there is anything going on between us.

"Nothing," I say, clearing my throat. "We're just friends."

"Oh." She grins and looks at me knowingly. "Okay."

"Excuse me!" I look around, as Uriah comes up behind us. "Marlene, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Nope!" She turns around and starts walking away. "Bye, Tris!"

"Goddamn," Uriah mumbles, as he places his hands on the edge of the table and sighs.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"It's a lot to explain," he says, shaking his head. "Did she say anything to you?"

"About what?"

"Uhm, nothing. Never mind." He picks up one of the bottles and starts pouring himself a drink. "Now's not the time for drama, anyway. Now's a time for celebrating!"

"Celebrating?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "What exactly?"

He looks at me for a moment, and I can tell that he is still upset about Marlene blowing him off. Still, he gives me one of his famous smiles, as he raises his cup in the air.

"To you, Tris," he says. "My only friend who doesn't give me a headache."

I roll my eyes, as I lift my cup to touch it to his. We both take a sip of our drink before he turns to look at me, a smile still on his face.

"Can I show you something, Tris?" he asks.

"I guess so."

"Cool! Follow me!"

He turns around and starts walking before I even have a chance to respond. I follow him, as he weaves through people. As we walk up the stairs, I wonder what it is that he wants to show me. Normally, I would be worried walking this far away from the party with a boy, but I doubt that Uriah would try anything. Even if he did, I suppose now would be a good time to practice everything I have learned from Tobias so far.

When we get to his bedroom, he turns on the light and kneels down in front of his bedside table to open up one of the drawers. I lean against the wall, as I watch him look through the drawer for something. The music seems more quiet and muffled up here, but I can still hear some girls squealing. I guess they just won a game of pong.

"Have you ever been high, Tris?"

"A few times," I say.

After all, I didn't really have much of a choice when Peter was around.

"Have you ever tried Peace?" he says, as he grabs something and stands up.

"No, but I've heard of it. Is that what you wanted to show me?"

He grins at me, and I roll my eyes although I can't help but smile back.

"Where did you even get that?" I ask, as I take a couple steps closer to him so I can look at it.

"This guy I work with," he says. "Fernando."

"You think it's safe?" I ask.

"Tris, why would I share this with you if it wasn't safe?"

"Just asking." I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know about this, Uriah."

"It'll be fine, I promise!" he says, clasping his hands together as if he is praying. "Please, Tris? Nobody will even know that you did it. It just relaxes you, and there's like no other effects. I'll even watch you for a few minutes to make sure you're okay before I take it. Please?"

I sigh, as I look at the hopeful look on his face. I'm not sure what possesses me to say it, but I find myself responding before I can even stop myself.

"Fine."

* * *

 **Four POV**

"So, you're really not gonna drink tonight?" Zeke asks.

"Once again, I am not," I say tiredly.

"Leave him alone, Zeke," Shauna chimes in. "I don't really feel like dealing with drunk Four again, anyway."

"Fine," he says, rolling his eyes.

"So, where's your wife?" Shauna grins, and I roll my eyes to hide my embarrassment.

"Actually, I saw Tris with Uriah before," Zeke says. "They were talking by the drink table before, but I don't see them there anymore."

I can't help but feel a little disappointed that I still haven't seen her, but I wouldn't dare say that out loud so that they can ridicule me further. Shauna simply shrugs before making a comment about one of the drinks that she liked, and her and Zeke fall into an easy conversation while I stand there, hoping that she will turn up soon.

"Guys!"

I look up, as Uriah hurries over to us. I can't help but notice that he is pulling Tris along behind him. But something doesn't seem quite right.

"Don't get mad, but-"

"What's up, party people?" Tris squeaks, raising her arms happily.

"Uriah, what the hell did you do?" I ask, as Tris stumbles over to us.

"I may have given her something..."

"Stop!" I freeze, as she presses her finger to my mouth to silence me. "Your lips are so soft, how do you-"

"Tris, calm down," Uriah says, as he pulls her away from me, and she starts giggling. "I didn't think it would be this bad!"

"You gave her fucking drugs, and you thought it _wouldn't be that bad?"_ Zeke growls.

"Well, when you say it like that..."

Uriah turns around, as Tris starts to spin around, still giggling. If it weren't for the fact that a drug caused this, I would probably find this really funny. But right now, I'm more worried than anything else, especially since I have never seen her act like this.

"Look, Uri!" She grins, as she raises her arms and continues to spin. "I'm flying!"

"You sure are, Tris!"

"Uriah, focus!" I snap, making him look at me. "What did you give her?"

"Peace..."

"Where the hell did you get Peace from?" Zeke asks, angrier than I've seen him in a while.

"I got it from Fernando! You know the guy would never give me anything bad!"

"Catch me!"

I look down, as Tris throws herself into my arms and starts giggling into my chest.

"Oh my god," Shauna mumbles, as she rubs her forehead as if she has a headache.

"I'll take her up to Uriah's room until it wears off," I say. "Uri, I think Zeke wants to have a talk with you anyway."

"Damn right, I do!" Zeke says, glaring at Uriah.

"I guess that's fair," Uriah sighs.

As the three of them walk away so that they won't have to argue in the middle of the party, I look down at Tris who is still babbling into my chest. I grab onto her shoulders and push her back into an upright standing position, and she smiles up at me.

"You're so comfy like a fluffy pillow."

"Uhm... Thanks." Her smiles widens. "Come on, we're gonna go to Uriah's room."

"I love Uriah's room," she whispers, as if it's a secret.

I sigh, as I grab her by the arm and start walking toward the stairs. Luckily, she follows me, only stopping a couple of times to admire something or other. Still, she giggles and babbles all the way to Uriah's room. Luckily, it doesn't seem like she's looking for a response from me. When we finally get to his room, I sit her down on the bed and start to move away from her. But before I can, she grabs onto the collar of my shirt and presses her lips to mine.

For a moment, I freeze. But then, I remember that she is in no way in the right mind. I push her away, and she continues to giggle at me.

"Don't do that, Tris," I say as evenly as I can.

"Why not?" She grins. "I like kissing you! Your lips are soft, like a-"

"Just don't do that again, okay?"

Her eyes widen as she stops talking, and the room goes eerily quiet for a moment.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks quietly.

"No, of course not," I sigh, as I sit down next to her.

"I knew it!" She starts giggling again. "You _can't_ be mad at me!"

"I guess that's true," I say, smiling slightly.

"I get so mad at you, but that's because I like you but I don't want to like anyone because liking is bad unless it's liking something else like food or something. Personally, I really like-"

"Wait," I say, even though she keeps mumbling. "Back up. What did you say?"

"I said I really like apple pie."

"No, you said that you like me," I say in an attempt to get her back to the subject.

"I do really like you, but I'm scared of liking people. Weird, right? I should be scared of spiders or something, but I actually like some bugs, like ladybugs are really cute, and sometimes..."

I sigh, as she continues to babble on. I know that I shouldn't count on anything that a person says when they're under the influence. But I also have a feeling that she feels this way even when she's sober. Maybe if I can convince her that there is nothing to be afraid of, she will actually give me a chance.


	15. Chapter 15

**TRIGGER WARNING: I know there have been mentions of self harm and cutting already, but it's a little more in this chapter, so if that's a trigger for you, please be careful.**

 **I hope you guys like it and thank you for your support and feedback!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I had never heard Uriah apologize so much as I did last night. As soon as I came down from the high, I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even look at Tobias, who was still sitting with me. He spent about ten minutes just trying to get me to look at him with no success until Uriah came into the room and literally dropped to his knees in front of me and started apologizing over and over again. I wasn't mad at Uriah, I was more so mad at myself for being so stupid.

When I finally convinced Uriah that I was okay, Tobias offered me a ride home. Since I needed to get home anyway, and I didn't really want to stay at the party after that, I reluctantly agreed and left with him. The entire ride was pretty awkward, especially since he kept trying to tell me that it was okay, and he knows I only acted the way I did because I was under the influence. Still, I barely looked at him even when I thanked him for driving me home.

When I got up this morning, Caleb asked if I could run to the store to pick up some bread because he was expecting a call, so he couldn't go out and get it himself. He threw in a few extra dollars so that I could get myself something too, not that I was planning to. Either way, I was hoping that the walk to the store would clear my head, but it seems that I'm just thinking about it more and more with every step I take. I sigh, as I walk out of the store with the bread in my hand, shoving the change in my pocket with my other hand.

"Tris!"

I turn around and look around for a moment before I see Marlene walking toward me. She smiles at me, although I can't help but notice that it seems fake.

"Hey, Marlene," I say, as she reaches me.

"What are you up to?" she asks, her smile faltering a bit.

"Uhm..." I lift the bread up slightly and shrug. "Just picking up some food for my brother."

"Does he need it right now?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows at her.

"I mean..." She draws out the word, a hopeful look on her face. "Can you hang out?"

"Oh, uhm..." I stop, trying to figure out why Marlene suddenly wants to hang out with me when we barely talk to each other. "Just you and me?"

"Yeah..." Her smile falters again. "I mean, like, you don't have to, but..."

"Are you okay?" I ask before I can stop myself.

She looks at me for a moment, a mischievous glint in her eyes. This time her smile seems a bit more genuine, as she shrugs, making a lock of her curly blonde hair fall off of her shoulder.

"Is anybody, really?" she says.

We both look at each other for a moment. I'm not sure what her reason is, but I am mostly trying to figure out this situation as a whole. I can tell that something must be wrong, but I wonder why she would come to me, of all people. Maybe it's because I'm the first person she saw, as she was walking down the street. Either way, I know that I will feel horrible if I turn her down when something is clearly wrong.

"I have some time," I say finally.

"Cool." She points to a building across the street. "Cafe?"

I shrug my shoulders in response, and we cross the street to get to the cafe. I guess it's a good thing Caleb gave me those few extra dollars, after all. As I think of Caleb, I pull out my phone to quickly text him that I ran into a friend so that he won't worry when I don't come right back home. As we stand in the line, I replace my phone in my pocket, and Marlene quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Are you texting Four?" she asks playfully.

I blush. "No."

I look around, not really at anything in particular, mostly just to escape the embarrassment that I now feel under her gaze. I hear her laugh a bit before she, too, starts looking around the room. When we get to the front, she orders a tea and a muffin, and I just get a bottle of water, since it is the cheapest thing here. Once we have paid and gotten everything, she leads me a table in the front of one of the windows that looks out on the street.

"These are my favorite," Marlene says, as she rips off a piece of the muffin. "When we were younger, Uriah used to have me put one of these on my head, and he would take his BB gun and try to shoot it off my head!"

"That sounds... dangerous," I say, but I can't help but laugh with her. "But it sounds like something he would do."

"Yeah..." She sighs, as she looks down at the muffin, as if she is thinking back to it now. "It sucks how times change. When we were kids, we didn't have to worry about anything, you know?"

"Yeah," I mutter.

I cannot say that there was ever a time when I wasn't worrying. After all, I was not like the other kids that I knew. Other kids didn't get punished for being sick. Other kids didn't have to stand silently and listen to their fathers list their every flaw and talk about what a disgrace they were. Other kids didn't get in trouble at every turn.

And other kids didn't have to sit with their siblings, as they listened to their parents fight in the other room. My mother always tried to convince him to ease up on me while my father always argued that I would turn out completely useless if he didn't discipline me at a young age. Multiple times, they would have this argument in the kitchen. And each time, I would listen from the stairs, Caleb right at my side. Tears would stream from my eyes, but I never made a sound. Caleb didn't either. And I know he saw me cry each time, but he never said anything.

"What was your childhood like?" she asks, as she stirs her tea.

"Fine, I guess."

"Bullshit." I look up at her, as she stares back at me. "You're a bad liar. Tell me what it was really like."

"I don't know," I shrug.

"You can say it was shitty," she says, raising an eyebrow at me, as I take a sip of the water so I won't have to respond. "Call it what it is. Is that why you cut?"

"What?" I barely manage to say, as I choke on the water.

"I've seen your scars," she says, as if it is no big deal. "During one of the parties, you weren't wearing long sleeves, and I noticed. But I wouldn't worry about it. I doubt anyone else noticed, I just tend to look out for stuff like that."

"What do you mean?" I ask because I'm not sure what else to say to any of this.

"Well, I think scars are beautiful," she says, picking at her muffin. "Especially self harm scars."

"Why?"

She looks at me for a moment, smiling slightly, before popping a piece of the muffin into her mouth.

"Because they tell a story," she says. "And stories are beautiful, even ours."

* * *

 **Four POV**

I lean against the wall and watch her take a sip of her water. The most significant accomplishment that came out of this entire training session is that she is finally looking me in the eye again. Still, we have barely spoken, save for me giving her instructions, and I know that our time is just about up. I decide that I can't keep wasting time. The words come from my mouth before I can stop myself.

"What are you afraid of, Tris?"

She looks up at me, surprised, but she composes herself rather quickly. She returns her gaze to the floor, as if it will give her the answer. For a moment, I worry that she is just going to up and leave. It wouldn't be the first time. But finally, she speaks.

"I don't think this is really the time, Tobias."

"There's never a time for this." She looks up, as I take a step towards her to close the space between us. "Not really."

"Where is this coming from?" she asks.

"You already know that. You know what you said to me when you were high-"

"You said we didn't have to talk about that," she mutters, looking away.

"Then let's not talk about that. How about instead we talk about this elephant in the room, Tris?"

"What are you talking about?" she asks, and I can tell that she is getting upset.

She shifts uncomfortably before looking down, but I can't deal with this game of avoidance anymore. I place my thumb underneath her chin and gently guide her to look at me again. I can tell that she is surprised by the gesture, but I can also see the conflicted look on her face.

"What are you afraid of?" I ask, a bit softer this time. "You know I'm not like him. You know that I wouldn't hurt you."

"Tobias," she sighs.

"You know that I wouldn't," I say again. "I'm here teaching you how to fight. In fact, it'd be pretty stupid of me if I _tried_ to hurt you at this point."

"That's not..." She sighs again. "I know you wouldn't."

"Then, what is it?" She shakes her head but says nothing. "You can deny it all you want. You can avoid me, if you want to. You can get mad at me. But I know that you feel something for me too. I need to know what's stopping you from even admitting that."

"I- I'm not..." she stutters for a moment before giving up and shaking her head. "I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking. I mean, what's in this for you? I don't know what you want from me, if it's a relationship or... something else. For all I know, I could just be another conquest to you or something."

Her rambling stops short at this, and she finally looks away from me again, clearly upset. This time, I don't make her look at me. I just stand there, staring at her, trying to process everything she has just said. And more importantly, I try to control my anger at her last comment because I know that being angry at her will only make things worse. But I also know that I have never been very good at controlling my anger once it arises.

"A conquest?" I say slowly, making her look down nervously. "Do I really seem like that type of guy to you?"

"You can never know for sure," she says almost inaudibly.

I scoff, as I try to reign in my anger before I say something I might regret. This time, I am the one to look away. I am the one to step away, and now I can feel her watching me. I run a hand through my hair anxiously, as I try to think of something. Still, I know that I will not be able to make this any better until I have calmed down. And I know that if I try now, in my current state, I will only make things worse. Finally, I turn back to her to find that she is already staring back at me, waiting.

"Well, our time is up," I say more gruffly than I meant to. "I should get back to work."

She doesn't say anything, but I can sense her watching me still, as I gather my things and leave the room.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

It's been a while since I've been in this exact position. Sitting on the bathroom floor with a knife in my hands. Staring at it, turning it over, trying to decide if I should do this or not. But I know what I'll decide because I know what I chose last time I ended up here.

My eyes are dry, but the tears are gone by now. I can still feel the puffiness in my face, though. I can still feel the pain inside me, but it isn't coming out in the form of tears anymore. It is just sitting within me, eating away at me. I know what I'll decide because it's the only thing that will make it go away.

I think back to the conversation with Tobias. What I said, how he reacted. It wasn't entirely true. While I had to keep the idea in mind, something tells me that he doesn't see me as a conquest. If it was just that, he would have given up and moved on by now. But I don't want to tell him the real reason. I don't want to tell him that I don't deserve anyone, especially not him.

And nobody deserves me. How could I be a good girlfriend to anyone when there is so much wrong with me? I bring the blade of the knife to my wrist, as the thought enters my mind. I stare at it for a moment, knowing that if I start, there is no turning back. Right now, I am okay with that. Slowly, I begin to make the first mark, hissing in pain as I go. And as I guide the blade through my skin, I think of everything that is wrong with me.

Because I am sixteen and addicted to nicotine.

 _Cut._

Because I am still afraid of Peter and Eric. Memories of them still haunt me, and I'm afraid that they always will.

 _Cut._

Because I lost my parents. And part of me was relieved when I found out because that meant that I wouldn't have to endure my father's harsh words and actions anymore.

 _Cut._

Because he liked Caleb better than me, and I never knew why. I knew it had to be me, but I always wished that he would just tell me what I did wrong. I am sixteen years old, and my parents have been dead for two years. Yet I still constantly think about them, and I still feel the pain that I used to feel when they were around. I still hear my father's voice in my ear when I am at my weakest. His words are hanging in the air, always around me.

 _Cut._

Because I have had more anxiety attacks and episodes than I can ever count. I am weak, no matter how much I try to be strong. I am an absolute mess. And nobody deserves to put up with all of this. I take a deep breath, as I remind myself of that. Nobody deserves to put up with all of me.

 _Cut._

I stare down at the angry red lines on my wrist, as drops of blood emerge from them. For a while, I just sit there, like an artist appreciating their work. And all I can think to myself is that Marlene was right.

It _is_ beautiful.

* * *

Once the support group meeting has ended, I tell Christina that I'll meet her at her house as usual.I don't expect Tobias to follow me this time, seeing as he might still be upset with me, but I wouldn't mind being alone for a bit. When I get into the hallway, I lean against the lockers and sigh. If Tobias was going to follow me, he would have been out here by now, so I reason that he is probably still upset.

I sit down in front of the lockers and place my bag next to me. I look around to make sure that I am completely alone before I start pulling down the sleeve of my shirt to reveal my wrist. The new lines are still angry and red, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I run my thumb over them gently and let out a sigh.

Of course, when I came back to my senses, I was disappointed in myself that I let myself do this again. But I knew that it was going to happen again at some point.

My mind barely registers the sound of the door opening and footsteps approaching. But when it does, I pull my sleeve back in place, but I can tell that it's too late. When I look up, I see Tobias looking down at me, a pained look on his face. I can tell that he's seen the scars on my wrist, just by the way he's looking at me. I stand up slowly, never breaking eye contact with him.

I have no idea what I could possibly say, so I find myself waiting for him to say something. I almost expect him to lecture me about it like Caleb would. Maybe to hate me for it. Or maybe to walk away like he did last time we spoke to each other. But he doesn't do any of that. In fact, he doesn't even say anything. Instead, he puts his arms around me.

I can't help but feel surprised, since this is completely new for us. Part of me wants to back away, but an even bigger part of me likes the feeling of his arms around me. Eventually, I find myself returning the embrace. As I stand there, my arms wrapped around his waist, I appreciate the subtle rise and fall of his chest. His steady heartbeat. And for just one split second, I forget everything. I forget about my pain, my worries. For a moment, nothing exists besides us.

For one split second, everything is okay.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey! Shoutout to the 100th follower, FandomDautlessShadowhunter!**

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 **All of your love and support means so much to me, and I'm so happy I made it to 100 follows! Anyway, thank you guys again, and I hope that you like this chapter!**

 **I think you guys are going to like it because I loved writing it!**

* * *

 **Four POV**

Neither of us really had much of an inclination to go to the party after I found Tris in the hallway, looking at her new scars. Surprisingly, she agreed to stay with me instead, and now we are sitting in my car. Of course, I wanted to spend time with her. But at this point, it is also because I'm afraid to leave her alone.

I wasn't there for her when Peter almost got her again. And now, I wasn't there for her when she got the urge to hurt herself. I know that there was no way that I could have known that was going to happen, and I know there was nothing I could have done to stop it because of that. But I still can't help but feel like I've let her down somehow.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly before I can even start the car.

I turn to look at her, but she isn't looking at me. Instead, she is staring down at her feet, as she tugs at the end of her sleeve nervously.

"For what?" I ask, even though I already have an idea.

"For that," she says, vaguely pointing in the general direction of the school. "I didn't mean for you to see. I didn't want you to worry."

"Tris." She looks up at me hesitantly. "Don't apologize for that. I want to know about it. In fact, I wish that you had reached out to me before you did it. Or someone else, if you didn't want to talk to me about it."

"It's not really that simple," she mutters.

"None of this is simple."

"That's not what I mean," she sighs. "When I get to that point, I don't exactly feel like talking to anyone. Plus, I don't want anyone to worry."

"If someone cares about you, they're always going to worry about you anyway." She says nothing, so I decide to finally start the car. "You know how I feel about you, Tris. I don't want to see you hurt anymore."

Still, she says nothing, but I can sense her looking at me, as I start to drive. There is only silence as we go, but I say nothing because I don't want to pressure her to talk. Pressured thoughts are never as genuine.

"Where are we going, anyway?" she says finally.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask sooner," I say truthfully. "Do you want to go anywhere specific?"

"I don't know," she sighs, as she rests her arm on the car door and puts her head in her hand. "Everything around here just feels so tiring."

"Sounds like you need a change of scenery." She makes a noise in agreement. "That's where we'll go then."

She seems to straighten up at this. "What? Where?"

"Another state," I shrug, letting myself smile despite her obvious confusion. "Maybe two. How about a road trip?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"We have all weekend," I say, trying to hold back a laugh.

"Not really, my brother expects me home every _night_ ," she counters.

"Please," I say, waving my hand dismissively. "You never leave Zeke's house until the early AM anyway. I can get you back by then. How does California sound?"

"Tobias!"

I glance at her, and I can see the beginning of a smile on her face, as if she has just realized that I was joking this entire time. I can't help but smile as well, even though I have to look ahead at the road.

"California, it is," I say, and I hear her laugh a little.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

I sigh, as I look down at my phone. Still nothing from Marlene. She is usually here by now, but she hasn't shown up. Lynn said she that got a text from her saying to go without her earlier. But now that she isn't responding at all, I can't help but feel a little nervous, given her past. Lynn understood why I was nervous, but she told me that everything was fine, and that if something was happening, she would have contacted one of us. But I'm not so sure about that.

"What's going on?" I look around, and see Christina smiling at me. "You're usually all over the place."

"I don't know." I shrug, faking a smile. "I was just thinking about stuff."

"Like what?" she asks before taking a sip of her drink.

"Just, uh..." I sigh, as I try to think of something to keep the mood light. "Just trying to think of ways to destroy my brother in Candor or Dauntless later!"

She laughs at this. "Can't wait to see what you come up with."

I smile at her, as she leans against the wall next to me and takes another sip of her drink. I try not to notice how nice she looks, but I'm only human I guess. Still, I can't really say anything about it since I can't really tell how she feels about me at this point. I mean, she did kiss me, but then she sorta ran off crying. Talk about mixed signals.

"Where's your friend tonight?" I ask.

"Who, Tris?" I nod, and she smirks back at me. "Well, she texted me saying she didn't feel like coming to a party. But I think I know why."

"Why?"

"Have you happened to notice that Four isn't here either?" she asks, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"No, he..." She grins at me, as the realization hits me. I gasp over-dramatically, and she starts laughing. "No way! We have to tell Shauna. Her and Zeke were making bets about when they would get together!"

"Well, I don't know for sure!" Christina insists. "But what were the bets?"

"Well, Shauna said they would be together by the time formal came around. Zeke said by the end of the school year. I said by the time Tris graduates because she isn't really making any moves, and Four is really awkward about it!"

She giggles again, but then she makes an inquisitive noise, as if she is considering all of this.

"Well, Tris _is_ pretty stubborn," she says with a grin. "So I guess I'll go with Zeke."

"Ah, don't be a pansycake! Come up with your own guess!"

"Wait, what? Pansycake?"

"Oh, right. That's just something I say sometimes. It means like-"

"I think I know what it means," she chuckles. "You know, from context clues or whatever. But I'll have you know that I am not a pansycake."

"Prove it!" I say, grinning at her.

"How?"

"Be creative!"

"I can kiss you again," she says with a wink, and for once, I find myself speechless.

* * *

 **Marlene POV**

I know that people always say that being around people when you're upset will help you feel better. But this time, I just couldn't bring myself to go to the party. Instead, I ended up laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

At some point, I find myself thinking back to the conversation I had with Tris. It seemed like she knew that there was something wrong, but I'm hoping she doesn't know exactly what. She does seem smart, though, so she probably realized that I was facing urges so I sorta just went off in search of something, anything to keep me from it. She just happened to be the first familiar face I saw, but I'm glad it was her.

It was interesting to talk about someone else's scars for a change. Still, as I think back to it, I find myself thinking that it's been a long time since my scars were reopened. Mine aren't on my wrist like hers. They are hidden from everyone except me. Every time I change, I get to see them again and think about how long it's been.

Then again, there isn't even a point in doing it now when I only have a few weeks left.

Some people might find it weird that I have a set time for this, but I don't find it weird. It has to be planned out perfectly, seeing as I only get one chance. If I mess up, everybody will watch my every step for the rest of my life. I might even end up in a hospital. But if I plan this perfectly and go through with it, then I will have nothing to worry about. Ever again.

What could be better than that?

* * *

 **Four POV**

"It's getting dark," she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "Where are we going?"

I hum inquisitively in response, as I ask myself the same question. We have been driving around for a while, but we never actually decided on a destination. It will be a bit more difficult now since we won't really be able to get out of the car without freezing. Those are the disadvantages of winter. The sun sets far too early, and the air is far too cold.

"I told you," I say. "California."

"Right," she sighs. "In all this time that we've been driving around, we might have made it to California by now."

"Really." I can't help but laugh at this. "Where is your sense of adventure?"

"If this is an adventure to you, then you're doing it all wrong," she says smartly.

"Oh, really? Why don't you teach me, then?"

"Okay, then stop."

I do as she says and pull over on the side of the road. I look around, wondering what she wanted to stop for. The road that we ended up on is just some back road that seems to be in the middle of nowhere. There are no other cars on the street, and all I can see from here are the trees on the side of the road. I look at her, as she opens up the car door and cold air rushes in. She begins to get out, but I grab onto her arm, and she turns to look at me.

"Where are you going?"

"Really, Tobias," she says with a smirk. "Where is your sense of adventure?"

I roll my eyes, but I can't help but smile, as I let go of her arm. She looks at me for a moment before sliding out of the car, and I open up my door to follow her. She waits for me, the hint of a smile still on her lips, as I close the door behind me and walk around the car to stand in front of her. She bites her lip for a moment before looking down at the ground.

"What now?" I ask.

"Now..." She looks around and shrugs her shoulders. "We go on an adventure."

I let out a laugh, as she begins to walk, and I stay at her side. As we walk, I look up at the sky. The sun will set completely soon. I wish it didn't have to, that this day didn't have to end.

"This was worth the drive," she says quietly.

"I told you you needed a change of scenery," I say, nudging her shoulder with mine.

"That," she says, biting her lip briefly. "And you're a good road trip partner."

I look at her, as we walk, but she isn't looking at me. Still, I cannot help but smile even at this minor admission. We walk in silence for a moment, save for the sound of our shoes scuffling against the road. That is, until I look down at her and realize that she is walking with her arms crossed. I break the silence to offer her my jacket, and of course, she denies the offer the first couple of times. When she finally caves and takes it, I realize just how cold it is since I was only wearing a T-shirt under it. But I would not dare to say anything. Especially now that I've seen how beautiful she looks in my jacket.

"Hey, look," she says, pointing ahead of us.

I look where she is pointing to see a type of clearing past the trees. As we walk closer to it, I notice that her pace quickens, and a strange look appears on her face. She stops short, and I come up beside her, as she stares at the field in front of us.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Abnegation Park," she says quietly. "My mother brought us here all the time when we were younger."

"That sounds familiar," I say, mostly to myself.

"This is so weird," she says softly, as she starts walking toward the field.

I follow behind her, as she walks further into the field, looking around at it as if she has never seen it before. After a moment of silence, she turns to look at me, smiling slightly.

"What?" I ask, unable to keep myself from returning the smile.

"Nothing," she says, shrugging. "This place was pretty much the only good part of my childhood."

I nod my head in understanding, as she takes a step closer to me, still looking around.

"We even brought my friend once or twice," she says to the open air. "Susan. And her brother, Robert, came with us once. He dared me to climb up one of the higher trees, and I ended up falling. My mother was not happy."

We both laugh, as she continues to stare off into space. As I look down at the mesmerized look on her face, I can't help but think that maybe she is staring directly at the tree that she fell out of when she was a child. After a moment, she looks up at me. Although I would normally look away, I find myself unable to look away this time.

"It wasn't all bad," she says. "And I think I forget that sometimes."

"Tell me more," I say, and she gives me a confused look. "What else did you guys do here?"

She smiles, as she starts to think up more memories. As we walk around the field, she tells me story after story. She even points out specific areas where they happened. As she talks, I can't help but notice that this may be the most she has ever shared with me. And this is certainly the most that she has ever smiled at me. Suddenly, she looks up to the sky and sighs.

"It's really getting dark now," she says to the graying sky. "Should we go back?"

"That's up to you," I tell her.

There is silence for a moment, as she looks down at the ground and presses the toe of her boot into the ground. Although she is looking down, I can still see that she is smiling.

"Can I tell you something, Tobias?"

"Of course," I say.

"I haven't felt this happy in a long time," she says, only glancing up at me for a second.

"Me neither," I tell her truthfully.

She nods, still smiling at the ground. "Well, thank you."

"For what?" I ask.

"For everything," she says with a shrug. "For caring about me, for being there for me, for helping me so much. I don't know. For being you."

"Tris," I chuckle. "You don't have to thank me for any of that."

"I feel like I do, though," she says, finally looking up at me. "I mean... I might not even be here right now if it wasn't for you."

"I know," I say, even though the thought still pains me.

"I'll try to tell you next time," she says, gesturing toward her wrist. "If I want to do it again."

"Really?"

"Really," she says. "I promise I'll try."

I nod my head, but I don't say anything. I'm not quite sure if I could explain to her how much that means to me, but I am sure that she has an idea already. Our eyes never leave each other, as I find her hand and squeeze it gently. She bites her lip, and I feel something stir within me, as I watch her do it. She brings her other hand to my arm where goosebumps appeared ever since I gave her my jacket.

"Are you cold?" she says quietly.

"You're not giving my jacket back, Tris," I tell her with a smirk.

"It was worth a shot."

She smiles for a moment before biting her lip again. I can't help but feel incredibly aware of her hand still resting on my arm, and her other hand enclosed in mine. I bring my hand to her waist, and her other hand slides further up my arm, as she looks at me, clearly surprised. We are both silent for a moment, as we start to lean in until our foreheads are touching. I feel my heart racing, but I try to ignore it, as I close my eyes.

"Tobias, wait," she sighs, as she starts to pull away from me. "I can't-"

"No," I cut her off, bringing her back into me. She looks up at me, surprised again. "I know you well enough to know that you're letting your fear get into your head. Right now, I need you to focus on what you want. Forget all the positives and negatives, and forget your fears. If _you_ want to kiss me, then you can kiss me. If _you_ want to back away, then back away. It's up to you, Tris. Not your fear."

We stand in silence for a moment, as she stares back at me, a conflicted expression on her face. The silence becomes unbearable, as I stare back at her, waiting for something. Anything.

Finally, I decide to give up. I decide that I should just back away, and that we should just start heading back to the car. After all, it is blatantly obvious that she is uncomfortable. If she is afraid to do it, then she isn't going to do. But just as I am about to back away, she answers my question.

She brings her hand behind my neck and presses her lips to mine. I stand in shock for a moment before I finally realize that this is really happening. She lets go of my hand and brings it to the back of my neck to rest with the other, so I wrap my arms around her waist and bring her as close to me as I possibly can.

My head is spinning. I find myself smiling against her lips. And although I've heard it said a million times that nobody can be perfect, everything about her feels perfect. So imperfectly perfect.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi guys! I just want to say a couple of things:**

 **1) Again, thank you for all your feedback. I wanted to respond to one since it was written by a guest so I couldn't message you. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so happy that this story is helping you. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm only one message away, and I mean that wholeheartedly.**

 **That goes to anyone reading this! If any of you ever need to talk about anything, do not hesitate to message me any time.**

 **2) On a little less serious note, I noticed some confusion about the song for Christina so I just want to point out again, the song is "Scars to Your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara. It is an absolutely beautiful song, and I recommend looking it up! :)**

 **Anyway, that's all. Hope you guys like this chapter!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I walk down the sidewalk with Marlene by my side. I was surprised when she texted me asking if I had any time to talk, but I met up with her anyway. The odd thing about Marlene is that she says that she wants to talk, but then she always turns the conversation back to something about me. Either way, I still couldn't tell how I felt about last night, so I was not completely against the idea of talking to Marlene about it.

Even now, it's hard for me to believe that I really kissed Tobias. Of course, I enjoyed it, but I never thought that I would be the one to initiate it. I did kiss him once when I was drunk and once when I was high, but this was completely different. This time, I was completely in the right mind, and I even took time to think about it before I kissed him.

Once I have finished telling Marlene about it and all of the thoughts that I had directly afterward, she simply nods and smiles a little before finally responding.

"Maybe you're bipolar," she says.

"Excuse me?"

"It's not an insult. I'm bipolar, too." She shrugs, as she kicks one of the rocks on the sidewalk forward with us. "I kinda thought about it the first time we talked."

"About what?"

"It seems like sometimes you're really depressed, but then sometimes you're more confident," she explains. "Like, you wouldn't cut yourself if you weren't depressed. And you wouldn't have kissed Four if you weren't feeling confident. Do you get really angry, too?"

"Yeah, sometimes..." I look at her, as she sits down at a bench near one of the bus stops, and I sit down next to her. "You really think that's it?"

"I'm not a psychiatrist, Tris," she smirks. "But it does kinda seem like it to be honest."

I feel her eyes on me, as I pull out a cigarette and light it. She had asked me earlier if she could try one, but I felt as if I needed to at least take one long drag before I gave it to her.

"I've got enough problems right now as it is," I say, rolling my eyes. "I don't really need a label, anyway."

"You don't," she says, as I pass the cigarette to her. "Medication is the only reason you really need a diagnosis. So that they know which chemicals to shove into your body."

She brings the cigarette to her lips and takes a drag before drawing back and coughing loudly. I can't help but laugh a little, as she tries to suppress it. But my smile disappears, as I realize that people are starting to look at us. I grab the cigarette out of her hand, as she coughs.

"You're gonna get us arrested," I mutter.

"I'm not _trying_ to be loud," she says, still coughing a bit. "I don't know how you do it."

"It's an acquired taste," I say, and she rolls her eyes.

"Whatever," she says, clearing her throat one last time. "Alcohol is better."

"Didn't you say you're on medication?"

"Yeah, so?" she says, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I thought you weren't supposed to drink while you're on meds," I try again.

I watch, as her entire demeanor changes, although it is hard to tell exactly what she is thinking. For a moment, she is silent before she shifts a bit and shrugs.

"I thought you weren't supposed to smoke at sixteen," she retorts.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

I turn the flash drive over in my hands, as Tris walks in. As I look up at her, she sits down on the piano bench next to me and smiles a bit. I return the smile, as I hold up the flash drive for her. Once we had finished putting together the last song, she asked me to record it on my phone and make a copy of it so that she could give it to her friend.

"One copy, free of charge." I wink at her. "Just this once."

"Right," she says, rolling her eyes. "Thank you, Uri."

"Any time, Tris!"

I press on a couple of the piano keys, as she puts the flash drive into her bag and then turns back to me.

"We missed you on Friday!" I say.

"Oh, yeah..." She shrugs nervously. "I just didn't feel like going to a party."

"That's funny," I grin. "Because Four wasn't at the party either."

"Uhm..." She looks down and blushes. "I know."

"I knew it!" I yell, making her jump. "You guys were together, weren't you?"

"I, uhm... Maybe?" I am just about to yell again when she gives me a warning look. "But it wasn't like that... Well, at first."

"What do you mean?" I ask, actually curious now.

"Well, I..." She sighs. "I don't really want to talk about it right now. Can we just practice?"

"But, Tris!"

"Please, Uri?"

I groan, but I finally give in, and she smiles at me gratefully. She opens up her notebook and starts flipping through it, most likely looking for a new song for us to start on. She finally stops on one, and she props her notebook up in front of me. I skim over the lyrics and find myself smiling slightly. I look at her, and she smiles shyly in response.

"You never cease to amaze me, you know," I tell her.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

"You wrote _me_ a song?" I ask, raising an eyebrow suspiciously, as I lean back against the bleachers.

"Would you just take it, please?" Tris says. I roll my eyes, as I take the flash drive out of her hand and put it in my pocket. "And tell me when you listen to it."

"I will," I say, as I flick my cigarette. "So, formal is this Friday!"

"Oh, yay," she says dryly, as she brings her own cigarette to her lips.

"Shut up," I say, rolling my eyes again. "Hey, there's still time to ask Four to it!"

"Christina," she groans.

"What?" I ask as innocently as I can. "I'm gonna make you look super hot, Tris. You do _not_ want him to miss this."

She mumbles something unintelligible before burying her face in her hands, as she blushes, and I can't help but laugh at her and how easily embarrassed she gets every time I bring him up.

* * *

 **Four POV**

"You really shouldn't make a habit out of this," I say, as we walk into the hallway.

"Of what?" she asks.

"Kissing me and then avoiding me."

She rolls her eyes, as she leans against the lockers, and I stand in front of her. I was beyond happy when Tris decided to kiss me on Friday, especially seeing as it was the first time that she made that decision while she was sober. But I guess I should have prepared myself for the fact that she would be uncomfortable talking to me afterward.

"I wanted some time to think about it," she says, looking down.

"Well, a week is definitely a lot of time to think about it," I say. "What did you come up with?"

She sighs before biting her lip, and I find myself entranced by the action until she looks back up at me. Even after all this time, I find myself amazed by the beautiful grey-blue color of her eyes, so much so that I find myself unable to look away from her any time that she looks at me.

"I don't know, Tobias."

"What don't you know?" She sighs, as I take one of her hands in mine. "Because it seemed like you knew exactly what you wanted when you kissed me. So why are you doubting yourself so much?"

"How do you know I'm doubting myself?"

"It's obvious, Tris." She furrows her eyebrows, indicating that she is getting upset. "I know you have feelings for me, and you know I have feelings for you. So, what is the problem?"

"You wouldn't understand," she mumbles.

"Try me."

Her eyes flicker up to mine for a moment before she looks down and chews on her lip nervously. She stares at the ground, as if she is willing it to give her all the answers she needs.

"You don't want me," she says so quietly that I almost miss it.

"I'm not sure what more I have to do to convince you that I do," I say, squeezing her hand.

"No, you don't." She looks up, her eyes glassy. "You think you do, but you don't. You don't know anything about me."

"There's no way in hell that you really believe that." She rolls her eyes and looks away. "Because I know you well enough to know that you're only saying this because you're scared, and you think that you're not good enough, right? You want this, but you don't think you deserve it."

She looks at me, but she says nothing. Honestly, I don't need her to confirm it anyway, since I already know. After all, I often feel the same way. I always worry that I am going to end up ruining things with her. Especially when I get angry because I know that I have such problems with anger, and I don't want her to be afraid of me. I am constantly afraid of her seeing this broken side of me. I am afraid that she won't want to put up with it, but I know that she has the same fear.

"Look, the point is, you say that you want me now," she says. "But you're going to change your mind when you have to deal with all of my baggage."

"Do you think you're the only person with baggage?"

"I didn't say that," she sighs. "Everybody has baggage, but other people can make up for it. I can't. Like you, you're still an amazing person even though you have problems. Me, I just have a ton of problems and no redeemable qualities. It's not really a fair balance."

"You can't be serious," I say, trying not to get annoyed. She raises an eyebrow at me, and I take a deep breath. "Tell me, then. What are these redeemable qualities that you see in me?"

"Well, you're smart-"

"And so are you," I cut in. "What else?"

"Tobias."

"What else?"

She rolls her eyes and exhales deeply, obviously irritated by this point.

"You're strong."

"So are you."

"Stop that!"

"No," I say shortly. "Not until you get the point. You can put yourself down as much as you want, but I'm not going to have a part in it. Because whether you believe it or not, I do find you smart and strong and caring and brave and beautiful. Even if you refuse to see all of that in yourself, I see it. And you _are_ worth it to me."

She stares at me for a moment, as if she has no idea what to say before she runs her free hand through her hair and looks down. I watch her, afraid that if I say anything else, I will interrupt a deep thought.

"You think I'm brave?" she asks quietly.

"I know you are," I say without hesitation.

"I never thought I could be," she says to the ground. "I feel brave when you're around."

Her words send a strange feeling through my chest, but I try to ignore it.

"Don't you think that's a good thing?"

"It is a good thing," she says quietly.

She sighs, but she doesn't say anything more. For a moment, there is only silence until, suddenly, she pushes herself off of the lockers. She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my shoulder, and I stand there, shocked, for a moment before I finally bring myself to wrap my arms around her waist. I decide that there is not much that I could say right now without ruining this moment, so I stay quiet. We just stand there, holding onto each other, for some time. Still, it feels too soon when she starts to pull away. I find myself unable to let go of her, and she seems to realize this, since she rests her fists against my chest and stays standing in my arms.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, you know," I say. "I'm not going to stop caring about you, no matter what happens."

"I'm more afraid that you'll give up on me," she says.

"If I was going to give up, don't you think I would have by now?" I smirk, and she smiles back just the slightest bit. "I don't care what happens or how much baggage you have. I'm not giving up on you."

She looks at me for a moment before nodding her head hesitantly. Everything is still and silent for a moment until she leans in slowly until our lips meet. I find myself so taken aback by the unexpectedness of it that it takes a moment before I kiss her back. I know that I should be questioning why she is even kissing me, but my mind doesn't seem to be working properly at the moment, as her lips become the only thing that I can focus on. She pulls away too soon for my liking, but I don't try to stop her this time.

"I have to go," she says softly. "But... Don't, okay?"

I look at her, confused, as she pulls away completely to pick up her book bag from the ground and throw it over her shoulders.

"Don't what?" I ask.

I can see the hint of a smile on her lips. She shrugs her shoulders, as she starts to walk away.

"Don't give up on me," she says.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

 _She tries to cover up her pain,_  
 _And cut her woes away_  
 _'Cause covergirls don't cry_  
 _After their face is made_

My eyes begin to tear, as I listen to the song that Tris wrote for me. I remember how annoyed I got when she brought up my weight. Of course, I knew that she was just worried about me, but I didn't even want to think about it. Now, it's impossible to think of anything else.

As soon as the song finishes, I close the laptop and lean forward, as tears start to come out of my eyes. I've only been crying for about a minute when I hear a tentative knock at the door. When I look up, I see Rose slowly opening the door, confusion etched on her face.

"Rosie," I croak, as I wipe my tears away as fast as I can.

"I thought I heard crying," she says, as she lets herself in. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." She nods and looks around at the door, as if she is waiting for me to kick her out like I usually do. "Hey, come here."

She looks at me, surprised, as I pat the spot next to me on my bed.

"Really?" she asks.

"Yeah, come here," I try again, waving her over.

She shrugs her shoulders a bit before slowly walking over to me and hoisting herself onto the bed. She looks at me curiously, as I wipe my face off and take a deep breath, but it seems like she is unsure of whether or not she should ask what happened.

"I'm sorry," I tell her, and she looks even more confused. "I know I haven't really been a good big sister."

She shrugs her shoulders and looks down, but she doesn't say anything. I cannot say I blame her for her response, or lack thereof. After all, I really haven't been there for her much. We used to be close, when we were younger, but everything changed when my father died.

Instead of being there for her, I completely shut her out, leaving her and my mother alone. I ignored her, brushed her off, and kicked her out of my room too many times to count. And then, she watched as I struggled with eating and my weight. She watched, as my mother tried so hard to put me through therapy, and I tried so hard to resist it.

I was never the big sister that I should have been. I was never the role model or the person who guided her through the terrible things that life threw her way, and I cannot help but feel guilty for that.

"You know I love you, right?" I say, and she looks up at me. "I know I've been so wrapped up in myself lately. But I am here for you."

"What's gotten into you?" she asks.

"Sense, I guess," I say, smiling at her a little, and she laughs. "I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to change some things."

"Oh..." She shrugs, as she lays back on my bed and sighs. "Well, it's about time."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

My leg shakes nervously, as Christina does my makeup. She keeps telling me to stop because it is making it more difficult, but I cannot help it. Especially now that she knows exactly why I'm so nervous.

"Wow," she draws out the word, a smirk on her face, as soon as I have finished telling her everything. "You're playing with everybody's emotions today, Tris."

"What do you mean?" I ask, as she starts brushing god-knows-what onto my face.

"First, you write that song for me, and then you go and kiss Four." She shakes her head in mock-disapproval. "You're messing with everyone's heads."

"I thought you liked the song."

"I did." She smiles. "Don't change the subject."

"Well, what more do you want me to say?" She doesn't answer, as she turns around to look for something on her desk. "I kissed him, that's it."

"You know for such a smart person, you can say stupid things sometimes." I raise an eyebrow at her, but she ignores me, as she picks up a tube of lipstick. "You both like each other, obviously. I don't see what's stopping you at this point."

"It's hard to explain," I sigh. "I don't know. There's like five hundred reasons why we shouldn't be together, and maybe one reason why we should."

"Ah, but there is a reason?" I roll my eyes, as she starts to apply the lipstick to my lips. "There's always gonna be reasons not to, Tris. But if there's even one reason to go for it, then you should. Really think about this. Connections like this don't just happen all the time."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've seen the way he looks at you. Here, blot." She hands me a tissue, and I do as she says. "And I can see it when you talk about him, and when he talks about you. There's definitely something there, and I think you're really going to regret it if you don't take the chance."

I watch her wordlessly, as she puts the lipstick back on her desk, and I try to let her words sink in. And while a huge part of me is terrified to admit it, I know that everything she has said is true.


	18. Chapter 18

**So this is random, but I have one question after seeing Allegiant. How did Tobias know how to drive? They never had to do that in Dauntless, so... I don't know, did I miss something? Maybe they explained it in the book, and I forgot. I'm so confused.**

 **But anyway, this chapter is a bit short because I haven't had much time but I hope you guys like it anyway! I think you will :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I shift uncomfortably, as we stand outside the front door of Christina's house with our hair and makeup done and our dresses on. Apparently, Shauna and Christina talked about formal at the party that I skipped last week, and Shauna said that she would drive all of the girls there so that they wouldn't have to worry about walking there in heels, so now we are standing outside waiting for her.

I look at Christina, as she checks her makeup in her phone's front-facing camera one more time. She ended up deciding on a short and tight red dress that goes well with her skin color. And of course, I am wearing the black dress that Christina made me buy. She also did my hair and makeup, so I don't look completely horrible, but I still feel fairly self-conscious.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a loud honking noise. I look up to see Shauna grinning and waving at us from her car, which she has parked in front of the house. Christina squeals excitedly and grabs my arm to pull me to the car with her. Shauna and Marlene, who is sitting in the passenger seat, yell comments about how great we look, as we pile into the backseat with Lynn and Myra. As soon as Shauna starts driving, Christina starts chattering away with Myra and Marlene. So I end up doing exactly what Lynn is doing. Staring out the window and praying that this night will go by as quickly as possible.

After what seems like forever, Shauna stops in the school's parking lot. Christina claps her hands excitedly like a child before she nearly pushes me out of the car so she can get out. Shauna smiles at me, as she walks ahead of us with Myra and Christina by her side. Marlene comes up beside me and nudges my shoulder to make me look at her.

"You're looking cute as hell," she says with a grin. "Who's it for?"

"Not tonight, Marlene," I say with a groan.

She giggles before turning to talk to Lynn. I take a deep breath, as we walk into the school. Formal is in the gymnasium, as it always is, which is ironic since it's supposed to be a formal dance, yet we're having it in the same place where we run around and get sweaty everyday. Of course, they tried to decorate it, and it does look slightly better, but it is still obvious. I look around at the other students who are already here. Some of the girls have dresses pretty similar to ours, and of course, some are wearing dresses that could easily be mistaken for shirts.

"Trissy!"

I barely have time to turn around before Uriah has flung himself over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I can't help but smile, as I slap his arm playfully.

"Can't breathe, Uri!"

He releases me, still grinning, and when I look behind him, I realize that everybody else is already here. Christina is talking to Myra while Marlene drags an annoyed-looking Lynn to the dance floor. Shauna, Zeke, Lauren, and Tobias stand off to the side talking, but luckily, his back is still turned, so he hasn't seen me yet.

"You _are_ coming to the after-party this time, right?" he asks excitedly.

"I didn't know there was one."

"Oh, yeah." He laughs. "We kinda talked about it at the last party, and you weren't there, so..."

"Right." I roll my eyes. "Well, sure, I'll be there."

Before he can respond, Christina runs over, holding hands with Myra, and she uses her free hand to grab onto me.

"Uri, come on!" she yells, as she starts pulling me to the dance floor. "I love this song!"

Uriah grins, as he follows us without Christina even having to pull him along like she is doing to me. Still, I let her pull me along since I know she isn't going to leave me alone until I dance with her for at least one song. She pulls us to the center of the dance floor where Marlene is dancing happily next to Lynn, who looks like she would rather be anywhere else. Christina runs up to Marlene, and they start shouting the lyrics of the song at each other, as they dance, and I can't help but laugh. Uriah grabs my hands, as he starts dancing ridiculously, and I let myself laugh again.

For a moment, I forget that I am surrounded by a huge group of students that I don't even know. I even forget about everything that has been making me anxious. For a few minutes, I actually feel happy, as I look around at my new friends and Christina all making fools of themselves. I think to myself how I haven't had this many friends, probably in my entire life. And now that I do, I love it more than I would care to admit.

"Hands off!" Marlene yells, breaking Uriah and I apart. "Romeo is coming this way!"

She grabs Uriah and pulls him away before I can even comprehend what she said. But when I do, I look around and see Zeke, Shauna, and Tobias headed in our direction. Both of the boys are wearing similar button up shirts, and I can't help but notice that it looks especially good on one of them. I turn back to Marlene and Uriah in an attempt to calm my nerves, but they only grin back at me before continuing to dance with each other.

"Having fun, Tris?" Shauna yells over the music, as she comes up beside me.

I nod my head, but she barely waits for my response before she moves on and starts dancing with the other girls, Zeke following behind her. Of course, some more students end up following him since he is on the football team, so he is pretty popular. I turn to look at the last person, Tobias. He smiles slightly, and I feel myself get nervous again.

"Having fun, Tris?" he repeats, mimicking Shauna.

I smile and shrug my shoulders. I look over at the group just as Uriah has challenged Christina to a dance-off. I laugh, as I watch him flail around and attempt to break dance. _Attempt_. I look back at Tobias, who is shaking his head at the sight.

"It's definitely interesting," I reply, making him smile. "Did you want to dance?"

"Uhm..." He rubs the back of his neck, as he looks around. "I don't really dance."

"And you think I do?" I retort.

He chuckles and starts to shake his head again. But before he can protest, I put my arms around his neck and start swaying to the rhythm of the music. He rolls his eyes, as he puts his arms around my waist. It feels a bit awkward at first, since neither of us are really good at dancing, but eventually we fall into our own rhythm. He leans down to say something to me, and I feel myself shiver, as his lips brush against my ear.

"You look beautiful, Tris," he says into my ear.

I roll my eyes, hoping that he didn't see me blush at the words. But when he pulls away, his smile tells me that he did see it. I lower my eyes, trying to keep myself level-headed, but it is hard to do that when his arms are wrapped around me, and we are so close to each other. I hear him say something, but I don't quite catch it, so I look up at him with a confused look.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I open my mouth to reply, but my words escape me when our eyes meet. He looks at me, concerned, as I nod my head in response. He leans down again so that I can hear him.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

The question is so unexpected that it makes me nervous all over again. I look past him at my friends who are all having fun and paying not attention to Tobias and I. Something tells me that they won't even notice that we are gone. I look at him again, and this time, he smiles when I nod my head at him. He takes my hand in his and starts leading me through the packed dance floor until we finally make it out.

He doesn't stop walking until we have left the gymnasium completely and gotten into one of the hallways, which are now completely dark since it is after hours. I can't help but smile, as he walks with such purpose.

"Where are we going now?" I ask, relieved that I don't have to yell over the music.

"Here," he says, as he opens one of the doors leading to the staircase. "The stairs don't have cameras."

"Does that really matter?" I ask him, as we walk up the stairs together.

"Yes," he chuckles. "Because we can get in trouble for hanging out anywhere but the gym at this time of night."

I shrug my shoulders, as we get to the top of the staircase. There is a small landing that leads to next staircase. The wall in front of the landing is made up by a huge window, and light streams in through it from the street lamp outside. I bring one of my hands to the cold glass of the window, as I look outside. The window offers a view of the parking lot, so I watch as some stragglers hurry in, all of them wearing dresses and button up shirts.

"You really do look beautiful," I hear Tobias say beside me. "You always do."

"I wish you would stop saying that," I mutter without looking at him.

"Why?"

"Because it's a lie," I say simply. "I know I'm not pretty. You don't have to pretend I am to make me feel better. I'm fine with it."

There is silence for a moment before he lets go of my hand and instead places his hand on my shoulder, turning me toward him. I stare back at him, as he looks at me with an expression I can't quite understand.

"Fine," he says softly. "If you want to believe you're not pretty, then fine. But who cares? I'm not lying when I say it. Even if you're not pretty, you're pretty to me. I like the way you look."

"Really?" I ask.

He nods his head, and I can see the beginning of a smile on his lips. As I stare back at him, I feel an overwhelming urge to be close to him again, like we were just minutes ago. He must sense it because he takes a step closer to me just after the thought has entered my head. I bite my lip nervously, as he stares down at me.

"You said not to give up on you," he says softly. "This is part of it. Making sure you know how beautiful you are to me, and how much I care about you."

"I'm sorry," I say before I can stop myself.

"For what?" he asks, looking more worried now.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders and look away. "I guess I just wish this could be easier."

"It could be."

"How?" I ask, as I look out the window again.

He brings his hand up to guide me to look at him.

"Be brave, Tris."

I sigh to myself. Even though the words may sound like nothing, I know exactly what he means. He wants me to be brave, to trust him.

I think back to what Christina said, how I would regret it if I let him go. I know she is right, and I know that the only way I can prevent that is by being brave.

I think about the first time that Tobias protected me when I was in the alley with Peter. I remember how I felt stronger just from the way he acted toward me. I think of all the times that I felt brave just because of his presence. As terrifying as it is, I know that I need to be brave now.

"Okay, I will," I say finally, and he raises an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?" he asks.

I take a deep breath to steady myself before I say the words that I know will change everything.

 _Be brave, Tris._

"It means, I have feelings for you. And I want to be with you."

I look down, as my nerves threaten to consume me. I can sense him staring at me, but I do not dare to look up. That is, until he wraps his arms around my waist and closes the space between us. My heart races, as I look up at the smile on his face. I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling too.

"So, should I ask formally?" he says.

"Ask what?"

"If you'll be my girlfriend?"

"No," I say with a smirk. "I think you've worked hard enough already."

He chuckles, as I wrap my arms around his neck in turn. His forehead meets mine, and for a moment, we just stand there, appreciating each other's closeness. Although we've been in this position a few times already, I still feel nerves coursing through me, although it doesn't feel like bad nerves this time. I feel a tingling sensation in my lips, as they wait for me to kiss him again.

Finally, I lean up to do so, but he draws back slightly. I open my eyes and look at him, confused, but he just smirks back at me.

"Can you promise me something?" he nearly whispers, his lips brushing against mine as he speaks.

"What?" I breathe out.

"If I kiss you, promise me you won't avoid me again."

"I promise."

I have barely finished saying the words when his lips capture mine. His arms tighten around me, gripping onto me as if I will disappear if he lets up. Not that I mind. I bring one of my hands to his cheek, my thumb skimming over the stubble that resides there.

Even though I have kissed him before, more than once, it still feels new every time. It still makes me light-headed. I still wish it never had to end. In fact, it only ends when we break apart for air. As we stand there, his forehead still resting on mine, he smiles, and I smile back before I can stop myself.

I really don't know what it is about him that makes me feel like this. And as I stare back at him, trying to figure it out, I realize it.

It's his beautiful blue eyes that can see right through me. It's the way that his arms make me feel safe, no matter what is going on around us. It's the way that he talks me out of my fears. It's the way that he makes me feel like I matter. It's everything about him.

It's everything.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi all! Thank you guys for all your support and love! I especially want to thank enj412 for your continued support, I just wanted to give you a quick shout-out! :)**

 **Anyway, I hope that you guys like this chapter, and I'll try to update again as soon as possible!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

"An eighteen year old?" is the first thing Caleb says when I finish telling him about Tobias.

It has been about a month since I admitted to having feelings for him. Still, now that we are out of school for winter break, he asked if he could spend more time with me while we had the time. I knew that Caleb was getting suspicious with how much I was going out, and he also told me that he wanted us to be more honest with each other. Even though I was still afraid every day that Tobias would change his mind, I still decided that Caleb should know about it, while it lasts.

"Yes," I say calmly. "He's eighteen."

"Beatrice." He lets out a humorless laugh, as he looks down at the table between us. "That's a little too old for you."

"Yes, the two-year gap is really insurmountable," I say sarcastically, repeating the words that Tobias said to me not long ago.

"I don't think now is the time for sarcasm, Beatrice."

"You're right," I say, trying not to roll my eyes. "Sorry."

"How long has this been going on, anyway?" he asks.

"Not long at all," I say, tugging at my sleeve.

"How long is 'not long at all'?"

"About a month."

"Beatrice..."

I look up at him, as he runs his hands over his face. When he is done, he stares down at the table with a strange look and shakes his head a bit. We are silent for a moment, and I consider saying something to break the tension, but he speaks before I can.

"No," he says finally.

"No, what?"

"No." He looks up at me, and I can tell that he is getting angry. "You're not dating an eighteen year old, Beatrice. You're only sixteen! It's illegal, first of all-"

"It's only illegal if my _guardian_ doesn't approve of it," I mutter.

"And I don't," he says, standing up. "I'm tired of this behavior, whatever it is. You come back smelling like cigarettes, you're staying out late, and now you're dating an eighteen year old? And you wonder why I keep such a close watch on you! If I can't stop the other behaviors, then I'll stop this one dead in its tracks. You are _not_ dating an eighteen year old, and that's all there is to it."

I stand up, as he starts to walk away, and I feel myself shaking with anger. Because I know that there is nothing I can say. I can't justify my actions, but that doesn't mean that he is right.

"Caleb!" I call after him, making him stop and turn around.

"What, Beatrice?"

"I'm not asking your permission," I tell him in a steady, powerful voice that I barely recognize as my own. "It's my choice, not yours."

He stares down at me, and I can see his mind working. I always see it. He always thinks everything through before speaking a single word. He has always done that, ever since we were younger. But as I stare back at him, I get the feeling that I am not going to like whatever it is he is putting together in his mind right now.

"Fine," he says finally. "You can date him. You can keep smoking, and you can keep staying out late. You can wander away as much as you want. But you're not going to wander back here anymore."

My heart sinks at his words. I know exactly what he means just by the way that he is looking at me, but a huge part of me refuses to believe it.

"What does that mean?" I ask slowly.

"It means..." He sighs. "You can't live here anymore, Beatrice. I've been thinking about it for a while, and-"

"You can't be serious," I say, as tears begin to form in my eyes.

"I'm tired of this. All of this," he says, gesturing toward me. "You can be as reckless and careless as you want, but you're not doing it here. I'll try to find somewhere for you to go if you want. In the mean time, I suggest you start packing."

He turns around to walk toward his room again. This time, I feel frozen where I am, as I watch my brother- my _brother-_ leave me behind.

"Caleb," I croak out.

But he doesn't stop. He doesn't even look back at me. His bedroom door shuts, and I feel the first tear roll down my cheek. The first of many.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

"So..." I say, drawing out the word. "When am I getting a turn, again?"

Zeke hums, as he smashes the buttons on the game controller. He and Four are staring intently at the television screen, as they try to beat each other. They are both sitting on the couch, both leaning forward as if they will have a better chance at winning if they are closer to the screen.

"Right after I beat the shit out of your brother," Four says with a smirk.

"Cheap shot!" Zeke yells, as he starts smashing the buttons on his controller even harder.

I sigh, as I lean back in my chair and stare at the screen, as Zeke and Four's characters throw punches and kicks at each other. As much as I love playing video games with them, it can sometimes get frustrating on the days when Zeke makes me wait forever for a turn.

"Hold on," Four mumbles, as he pauses the game.

"Are you serious?" Zeke yells, dropping the controller dramatically.

"I think someone's calling me," he says, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"It can wait!"

"It might be important." Zeke rolls his eyes but says nothing, as Four answers the phone. "Hello?"

"This wouldn't have been a problem if you had let me play!" I whisper-shout.

To which Zeke responds by throwing a pillow at me.

"Are you serious?" We both look at Four again as he stands up with a weird look on his face. "I know, it's okay. Do you want me to bring anyone to help? I'm with Zeke and Uriah... Okay, I'll be right there."

We both sit in silence, staring at him, as he hangs up the phone and turns to us with a distressed look on his face.

"What's going on?" Zeke asks finally.

"We need to go get Tris," he says quickly, as he starts picking up his things. "We need to take your truck, so we can put her things-"

"Wait, slow down," Zeke cuts in, putting his hands up. "Why are we going to get Tris?"

"Her brother kicked her out," he says, anger in his voice.

"Oh, shit," Zeke and I seem to say in unison.

* * *

 **Four POV**

Even Zeke and Uriah are quiet, as Tris lets us into the apartment. After all, it is pretty obvious that there is nothing any of us could say right now. As Uriah and Zeke look around the apartment, I turn back to Tris, as she closes the door behind us. The first thing I notice is that her eyes are still puffy and there are stains on her cheeks where the tears must have been. When she looks up at me, the look in her eyes breaks my heart completely. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and make her feel better, but she walks past me before I can do anything.

"Everything is packed up," she says quietly, looking between the three of us. "My brother is already asleep, so we won't have to worry about him. Just try to be quiet about it so he doesn't wake up."

They both nod their heads, and she points them in the direction of her room. Zeke and I begin to walk toward it, but I notice Uriah stop to say something to her. I keep walking, knowing that it would be wrong to eavesdrop in a moment like this.

I follow Zeke into the bedroom. It is a fairly small room with grey walls. The bed and the bedside table remain only, and it seems that everything else is in garbage bags. Zeke looks at me briefly before walking in and picking up a bag that was resting on her bed. I reach for one as well and follow him out, as Uriah and Tris walk in to pick something up, too.

None of us speak very much, as we bring the items downstairs to Zeke's truck and go back to get more. Once we have finished getting all of the bags, we arrange them in his truck. Zeke leans against his truck and takes a deep breath and Uriah does the same. We stand there in silence for a moment, save for the sound of crickets and cars driving by every now and then.

"Is she coming down?" Uriah asks suddenly. "We got everything, didn't we?"

"I thought so," I say, as I walk back to the front door of the building. "I'll go check."

Neither of them say anything, as I walk back in. I'm guessing that they are both too tired to follow me back upstairs. When I make it upstairs, I let myself in since we decided to leave the door propped to make things easier. I look around, but she is nowhere in sight, and I don't hear a sound. I decide to check her bedroom, seeing as I had to check if there was anything left anyway.

I push open the door and see Tris standing in the middle of her room, her back facing me. But I can tell by the sound of her labored breathing that she is crying.

"Tris."

She turns around, tears running down her cheeks, and I feel something within me break all over again. She doesn't say anything, as she walks toward me with her head down. I wrap my arms around her, and she doesn't hesitate to return the embrace. She buries her face in my chest, as her hands clutch onto my T-shirt.

"Sorry," she whispers. "I just wanted to see it one more time, I didn't think it would hit me this hard."

"It's okay," I tell her, running a hand over her hair. "You're allowed to be upset about this, you know."

There is silence for a moment besides the sound of her gasps and sniffling, as she cries into my chest. I feel my arms tighten around her every time she shudders, and I have to remind myself to be careful not to suffocate her. Eventually, she pulls away just enough to wipe the tears off of her face.

"What am I gonna do?" she says, shaking her head. "I'm only sixteen. I don't have any other family."

"You have us," I remind her. "You can stay with Christina, you can stay with Zeke and Uriah, you can stay with me."

"I'm still considered a minor," she says. "I can't just couch-surf. As soon it's found out that I don't have a parent or guardian, they're gonna put me in a foster home or something."

I sigh to myself, because I know that I have no idea what to do in this situation. After all, she is right. She can't just stay in her friends' houses for two years without some kind of guardian. She has no other family, and I don't exactly know anyone who is looking to adopt a sixteen year old.

She looks up at me, as if she is waiting for me to respond. I bring my hand up to her face and use my thumb to wipe away the last of her tears. She closes her eyes, as I rest my hand on her cheek, and I can tell that she is trying not to cry anymore.

"We'll figure it out," I say softly. "I promise. But right now, let's focus on finding you somewhere to stay for tonight."

"Christina said I can stay with her tonight," she says. "She said I can put my things in her basement, too."

"Then we'll take you to Christina's."

She nods her head hesitantly and looks down at her feet. Without thinking, I lean down to press my lips to her forehead. When I pull back, she looks up at me and attempts to smile at me before taking my hand in hers.

"I never thanked you guys," she says quietly.

"And you don't have to." She looks at me as if she wants to say something, but she stops and nods her head instead. "Shall we go downstairs before they come back up here to find us?"

She nods her head, and we start to leave, still connected by our hands. She looks back at the apartment one more time before closing the door behind us. We walk downstairs wordlessly until we get outside, where Zeke and Uriah are still leaning against the side of the truck. Tris tells them about Christina's offer, as we get into the truck. I end up tuning them out, as she gives him directions to Christina's house.

As Zeke drives and Tris directs him, I try to think of a solution. Of course, I know that not all foster homes are bad. Still, it is completely possible for her to end up in a bad one. I also know that she doesn't want to end up in one at all, so I try not to even consider it as an option. No matter how many different ways I try to think about it, it still seems as if there is no other option.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

I stare up at the ceiling in the dark, listening to Christina breathe heavily from her bed, meaning she is already asleep. Once we had finished moving all of my things into her basement, she dug up her sleeping bag along with an extra pillow and blanket so that I could sleep on the floor next to her bed.

As I lay still, trying to fall asleep, I no longer feel the urge to cry. Instead, I feel a dull pain that is almost worse than what I was feeling before. My mind has accepted everything that has happened, but I still have not been able to move past it. I'm afraid that I won't be able to move past it until I come up with a solution.

I know that Christina wants to help, but I can't stay here, sleeping on her floor, forever. Zeke, Uriah, and Tobias want to help, but it's not like Amar or Zeke and Uriah's mother would want to take me in.

As my mind runs through my very limited options, I find myself thinking of Tori. While I know that talking to friends helps sometimes, I also know that Tori would know more about what to do in this situation because of her professional status. I also know that she is most likely the only counselor at the school who actually cares about my well-being. Unfortunately, I won't be able to talk to her until winter break is over. That is only a few days from now, which means a few more days of sleeping on floors or couches.

Still, I know that she is my last hope of figuring this out. As I stare at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to overcome me, I decide that I will email her in the morning so that I can talk to her as soon as school starts again. Until then, I try to relax and stop my racing thoughts. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get my mind to quiet down. I'm afraid it never will.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

After hearing about everything that happened with Tris, I find myself surprised when she comes to the New Year's party.

Of course, this one is pretty different. Hana didn't have to work over the holiday, so she invited the entire family over, and she also allowed Zeke and Uriah to invite some friends. Unfortunately, since Hana is here, that means no drinking. Still, since we would rather not engage in awkward small talk with their family all night, we end up going down to the basement.

Uriah rushes over to the stairs, as soon as Christina and Tris come down, and I look over at Four, who was standing next to me. He doesn't even seem to notice me staring at him, as he stares off, most likely at her. I nudge his shoulder, and he looks at me briefly before looking down.

"Hey, Shauna," Christina says, as she approaches me, Tris following behind her.

"Hey, girls," I reply, smiling at both of them. "I'm so glad you guys could make it. I know it probably wasn't easy to come to a party after..."

Christina looks at Tris worriedly, and I wonder if I shouldn't have said anything until Tris shrugs her shoulders.

"This is better than just sitting around and thinking about it," she says, smiling slightly. "Plus I figured being around you guys would make me feel better."

"I'm sure it will," I reply with a smile.

"Yeah." She nods her head before looking around. "Is Marlene coming, by the way?"

I look around the basement briefly. It doesn't take long for me to be sure that she isn't here, since there aren't as many people here as there are for the usual parties.

"Uhm, probably," I say, shrugging. "She might just be running late."

She nods her head in response, and we stand in silence for a moment before Christina starts another conversation by asking what we'll be doing since we can't drink tonight. Tris excuses herself and walks away to get some water. As Christina and I talk, I notice Four follow after her wordlessly, but I decide not to mention it since I embarrass him enough about her as it is.

As we stand there talking, Uriah comes over and joins us eventually. I notice that he looks at his phone repeatedly throughout the conversation, and he doesn't seem very happy. Apparently, Christina notices too.

"What's with you?" she asks suddenly, nodding toward Uriah. "You're so quiet."

"Just wondering where Marlene is," he says, as he checks his phone again. "It's almost midnight."

"Why don't you try calling her?" I suggest.

He sighs and nods his head, as he walks away. I look at Christina who is staring after him, almost sadly. She looks at me and smiles a bit before she starts talking again. We have only been talking for a few minutes when Uriah walks back over to us with an expression on his face that I haven't seen on his face in a very long time.

"Uri, what's wrong?" I ask, as he stops in front of us.

"I called, and..." he says quietly.

"And?"

He stares at me for a moment before finishing his sentence. I feel my heart drop. Everything seems to stand still, as we stare back at each other. I can't breathe.

I think to myself over and over again, _This can't be happening._


	20. Chapter 20

**Tris POV**

When I was little, we had to go to the hospital because Caleb had an allergic reaction. While we were there, my parents were paying more attention to him than me, so I ended up wandering away. I walked down the hallways, looking into every room that had their doors open. I looked in at people laying on beds in various conditions, at people with visitors crowded around them.

Finally, I stopped in front of one of the rooms. There was a man lying on the bed, his eyes closed. There was a visitor sitting on a chair next to his bed. She was crying, as she stared down at him, and she kept asking him to wake up. As I watched her plead with the sleeping man, our eyes met, and I found myself frozen where I stood, as I absorbed the misery in her eyes.

Before I could react, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see my mother staring down at me.

"This way, Beatrice," she said, as she guided me away from the room.

I looked back at the woman one more time, but she wasn't looking at me anymore. I walked with my mother in silence for a moment before I finally reached up to tug on her arm, as I always did when I had a question. She looked down at me expectantly, as she stopped walking.

"Why wouldn't that man wake up?" I asked her.

She stared at me for a moment before moving me over to the side of the hallway, so that any nurses and doctors walking by could get past us, before she knelt down in front of me so that we were at the same level.

"Sometimes, when people get hurt..." she said slowly. "Their body can't handle it. So, they fall asleep for a while."

"But when you tell me to wake up, it works," I tried again. "But it wasn't working on him."

"It's different from normal sleep," she said, pushing my hair behind my ear. "When people sleep like that, they can't wake up until... Well, until God wants them to. Now, come on, we have to go back to Caleb's room. Your father is already upset that I let you wander away."

Although it still did not make much sense to me, I nodded my head, knowing that she didn't want me to ask her any more questions.

* * *

 _I get it,_ I think to myself, as we sit around Marlene's bed, staring down at her. _I get it now._

As she lays there, her eyes closed and her hair fanned out around her, I can almost convince myself that she is just sleeping like my mother said. Almost. But it's hard to believe that she is just sleeping when Shauna keeps crying, as she holds Marlene's hand. Lynn sits next to her, a blank look on her face, as she stares down at Marlene. Uriah and Christina are sitting at the end of her bed, their sides pressed together. Tobias and Zeke are sitting in the chairs next to me on the other side of her bed.

Nobody has spoken for a few minutes. After all, there isn't much that any of us can say. It has been quiet since Uriah told us exactly what happened to put Marlene in a coma.

Apparently, she had been saving up her medication instead of taking it so that she could take it all at once. Her parents were the ones to find her, lying on her bedroom floor. Surrounded by pill bottles and a bottle of vodka that Uriah thinks she took from their house. I wondered what it must have been like for her parents. Of course, I knew how it felt when my parents died. But I'm sure that Marlene's parents did not experience any relief like I did when I found out. Surely, nobody could be relieved by the death of their daughter.

Then again, I am not one to talk.

Now, we don't know if she is going to survive or not. All we can do is sit here and stare down at her lifeless body and wait for her to wake up and smile at us again.

 _Not lifeless,_ I think to myself. _Sleeping. Sleeping._

I look up, as Shauna starts to hum softly, as she strokes Marlene's hand. She is staring at her as if she doesn't even realize that there are other people in the room. Maybe she really doesn't notice. Either way, we all end up staring at her, as she starts to sings. Until Christina nudges Uriah's shoulder and takes his hand.

" _You are my sunshine..."_ Shauna sings.

"She's gonna be okay," Christina says.

 _"My only sunshine."_

"I hope so."

 _"You make me happy when skies are grey."_

"She will," Tobias says. "She's too stubborn to just let go."

" _You'll never know dear..."_

"She _is_ stubborn," Uriah smiles sadly.

 _"How much I love you."_

"She'll wake up."

 _"Please don't take my sunshine away."_

"What if she doesn't?"

We all look at Lynn, even Shauna, as her eyes begin to water. Her jaw visibly clenches, as she tries to keep herself from crying. Shauna reaches over and takes her hand and, surprisingly, Lynn doesn't object. Now, she holds her sister in one hand and Marlene in the other. As I watch them, I begin to move without thinking about it.

My hand finds Tobias' hand, as I use my other hand to take Marlene's. Shauna looks up at me and smiles at me sadly. I try to smile back before looking around to see something beautiful. I watch, as Lynn reaches for Uriah's hand. As Christina squeezes Uriah's hand before reaching her free hand toward Zeke. As Zeke and Tobias connect their free hands.

I look around at the circle we have created, and I feel a pain in my chest. The same pain I felt when I first saw Marlene laying still. But this time it is for a different reason.

My eyes follow the chain of arms. From Marlene to Shauna to Lynn to Uriah to Christina to Zeke. Finally, my eyes reach Tobias, and he stares back at me, worry written on his face. I don't understand why until I feel a tear run down my cheek. He squeezes my hand, as I duck my face so that nobody will see.

Because right now, I am being selfish.

As I look around at all of us, connected by our hands, I realize that this group is my only family now. The only people that I have ever felt so connected to. And now, I am losing another family member. Just when I was forming a connection with her, now I am losing her.

I am praying for her to wake up not for herself, but because I cannot handle another loss.

Another tear escapes my eyes. I look down further, as I bite my lip in an attempt to stop the crying, but it doesn't help much. I feel Tobias put his arm around my shoulders. And if we weren't surrounded by people, I would shrug his arm off.

Because I don't deserve it. Because I am selfish, and I am weak.

* * *

"You're not weak for mourning a friend, Tris," Tori says once I have finished telling her everything.

"Don't say 'mourning'," I mutter. "It makes it sound like she's already dead."

Tori nods her head slowly before looking down at her desk thoughtfully. I look at the picture of Tori's brother again. I wonder to myself what it would have been like to have a good relationship with my brother. But Caleb and I always had a strained relationship, right from the start.

"I want to go back to what you said about your brother," she says, as if she was reading my mind.

"There's not much more to say." I shrug my shoulders, trying not to show how upset I actually am. "I'm probably going to end up in foster care. I don't have any family or anything to take me in."

There is silence again, as she stares past me with an odd look on her face. She chews on the inside of her cheek, and I can see her mind working. I wonder what it is that she is trying to put together, but I refrain from asking because I wouldn't want to interrupt her thought process. I look up at the clock above her, as the second hand ticks loudly. When I look back down at her, she is staring at me with the same odd look.

"What?" I ask finally.

She shakes her head slightly and sighs.

"What if _I_ took you in?" she says almost cautiously.

"Is that even allowed?" I say before she can say anything else.

"It's very rare, and it may be difficult, but it is allowed." I can sense the nervousness in her voice even though she is trying to stay calm. "It's been done. Not by me personally, but it has been done."

"Why would you do that?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

Silence. She taps her fingertips against her desk a couple of times.

"Because I feel that you deserve a fighting chance, Tris."

* * *

 **Four POV**

The bell rings, and students file into the hallway. All of them are chattering excitedly, probably talking to their friends about everything they did over winter break. I can sense the excitement and happiness in the air. But as soon as I get to our lunch table, the feeling disappears and is replaced by a strange solemness. Uriah, who is usually rambling and telling jokes by now, is staring down at his food and poking at it with his fork. Shauna and Zeke are talking quietly to each other, and Lynn has headphones in, as she stares off into space. Myra and Lauren opted to sit with other friends today because they didn't want to intrude since they weren't very close to Marlene.

I look down at my food, knowing that I won't be able to eat much either. I wasn't particularly close to Marlene, but death is never an easy concept. And even though she has not died- she is still in a coma- I still feel the same tension and sadness that always follows death.

As I think about it, I sense someone sitting down next to me. I look up and find myself staring back at a pair of beautiful blue-grey eyes. Tris looks across the table, as Christina sits down in the seat next to Uriah and starts talking to him quietly. When she looks back at me, I take her hand in mine under the table.

"This is a surprise," Shauna says, trying to smile. "Don't you guys usually skip lunch?"

"Yeah, but we decided that we just couldn't miss out on the shittiest food Chicago has to offer today," Christina says, as she pokes at a piece of stale bread on Uriah's tray.

Everyone laughs a bit. Much to my surprise, Uriah continues to smile, as he turns to say something to her. As I watch him smile for the first time since he found out about Marlene, I start to think to myself that maybe Christina's smart mouth does have a good side.

* * *

Once the day has ended, I find Tris standing in front of her locker. She told me that she wanted to tell me something after school. I had planned to meet her here anyway, so it didn't really make a difference. I lean next to her locker, and she looks up at me before throwing her bag over her shoulders and closing the locker door.

"Are you going back to Christina's?" I ask her, as we start walking toward the exit.

"Yeah," she says. "But she left with Uriah already because I told her that I needed to stay behind to talk to you."

"All right," I say, as we walk toward the parking lot. "Do you want a ride to Christina's? We can talk in the car, then."

"I'd rather not talk about this while you're driving."

I stop and turn to look at her, and she stares back up at me. I pull her to the side of the sidewalk so that the students who are hurrying over to the buses or their cars can get past us. The look in her eyes pains me, as we stand in silence for a moment.

"What's going on, Tris?" I ask.

"I talked to Tori," she says, biting her lip briefly. "And she said she would take me in."

"Tori?" I say, sure that I am misunderstanding something. "As in, the leader of the support group?"

She nods her head, and we stare back at each other for a moment. I never even considered Tori as an option. But now that she is, I find myself racking through my mind, trying to figure out why Tris is unhappy about this. When I finally vocalize the thought, she shakes her head slowly and looks away.

"It's not that I'm unhappy about it," she says dryly. "I just don't want to believe it yet. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then she changes her mind."

I nod my head in understanding.

"I'm tired of people changing their minds," she mutters.

"You know I'm not going to change my mind, right?"

She looks up at me with a conflicted expression, but she doesn't say anything. She shrugs her shoulders and starts walking again before I can say anything.

"We should go," she says quietly.

I pull her back, and she looks up at me only briefly before looking away again. I don't bother to make her look at me, as I wrap my arms around her. Her body stays stiffened in my arms, as if she is uncomfortable with the embrace. Still, I can tell that a part of her wants to accept it even though the rest of her is afraid to. As I stare down at her, her words echo through my head.

 _Don't give up on me._

I lean down to place a kiss on her forehead. When I pull back, her eyes are closed.

"I'm not giving up, Tris," I say, making her look up at me. "And I'm not leaving."

There is silence for a moment before she seems to sink into the embrace. She rests her head against my chest, as I tighten my arms around her. I find myself wishing that I could take her pain away just from holding her like this. If only it was that easy.

* * *

 **Tori POV**

"I find this... troubling," Jeanine says slowly.

"I'm not sure what exactly about it is troubling," I reply calmly. "I am simply housing a homeless student until I can find a more permanent arrangement for her."

"Yes, Tori," she says as if she is talking to a child. "But housing students is not a part of your job description."

"Doctor Wu," I mutter, speaking quickly so that she doesn't have a chance to catch it. "And no, it is not part of my job description. Which is why I will be taking care of all of the arrangements after I leave for the day."

She purses her lips and exhales deeply, as she stares back at me. I keep my eyes on her, refusing to look away and let her think that I find her intimidating. Finally, after what seems like minutes, she taps her fingers against her desk and looks down.

"What I find troubling, _Doctor Wu,"_ she says, and I hold back the urge to smile, "is your obvious attachment to this student. You, of all people, should know that it is completely unprofessional to imply favoritism."

"Are you suggesting I let her be homeless to avoid the implication of favoritism?"

"Of course not," she says, giving one of her fake smiles. "Doctor Wu, you know that our students are our top priority."

As she stares back at me intensely, I can see why some of the students are afraid of her. Still, I am not afraid of her, and I can tell that that threatens her. I smile back at her and nod my head.

"I'm glad we're on the same page, then."

* * *

 **Christina POV**

I sit on the floor next to Tris, my arm wrapped around her shoulder. She is shaking, sweating, and panting all at the same time, and she has drawn her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The room is dark since it is about three in the morning. Of course, I was happy to take in my best friend after what happened. But sometimes I wish that I didn't have to when she wakes us both up by screaming in the middle of the night.

Still, I would never vocalize that thought because I know that she feels guilty enough as it is. And anyway, it's not like she can control when she gets nightmares.

When I finally got her to wake up, her eyes were wide with a strange crazed look. I really thought that she was about to attack me. Luckily, she came to her senses rather quickly and ended up collapsing into my arms, mumbling "I'm sorry" over and over again.

Once she has finally calmed down some, I rub her shoulder lightly and decide to ask.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head and takes a deep breath, as she wipes the last of her tears off of her face.

"It was Marlene," she says, her voice still shaking. "She was... I couldn't..."

"Okay," I cut in, rubbing her shoulder reassuringly. "I think I get it."

After all, it doesn't take a genius. The screaming, the fact that it was about Marlene, and Tris expressing that she couldn't do something. It is fairly obvious that she saw Marlene getting hurt or killed and was unable to do anything about it for some reason.

"She was killed," Tris says, confirming my thoughts.

"It was just a nightmare, Tris," I say softy. "Marlene isn't dead."

 _Not yet._ I shudder at the thought.

"I know." She sniffles. "I know. I'm sorry."

I wait a while longer for her to calm down before I return to my bed, and she begins to re-position herself in the sleeping bag. Suddenly, she stops. And although the room is dark, I can tell that she is looking up at me.

"Christina?" she whispers.

"Yes, Tris?"

"What if..." She sighs. "What if the dream was a sign?"

My heart aches at this. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to compose myself before rolling over so that I am facing the wall next to my bed.

"It wasn't," I say flatly. "Go to sleep, Tris."

There is silence, and I can sense that she is still looking at me. I know her well enough to know that she is debating whether or not she should say something more. But eventually, I hear the sleeping bag rustling, as she lays herself down to go to sleep.

I try as hard as I can to forget what she said. But I still feel a knot growing in my stomach, as I wonder if it could possibly be a sign. Were it not for my intense exhaustion at being woken up so suddenly, I probably wouldn't have slept at all. But luckily, I end up drifting off a few minutes later.

I wake up to the sound of beeping from the alarm that I set on my phone. I groan loudly, momentarily forgetting that Tris is also in the room, before I grab my phone and tap on the snooze button. As I press the home button, I realize that I have a missed text, so I go to open it.

 _Uriah._

I feel the knot in my stomach tighten up all over again. In the past, that has happened simply because I was excited to talk to him. But this time, it is for a completely different reason. I have a strange feeling that I know what he is texting me about. My finger hovers over the texting icon, as I try to work up the courage to open it. When I finally get myself to open it, I lay still, trying to let my mind absorb the words.

I lay there, staring at the screen until it goes black.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Sorry I usually don't do these at the end of the chapter but I just wanted to say something. Especially to you, Sawyerrr, it was always my plan to have Tori take over, and I can't believe you predicted it so easily! I know you said it's unrealistic but I actually included it because the same thing happened to someone I know. That's the only reason I know it's possible. :P**

 **Anyway, sorry to leave you guys on a cliffhanger again. But let me know what you think anyway! Your opinions really help me with my ideas. Until next time!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry this took so long, I've been soo busy! :( This chapter might be a little rushed because of that, but I hope it's okay and you guys like it anyway!**

 **Fun fact: This is the longest chapter so far! :D Over 4,000 words!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys won't kill me for what happens in this chapter, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

 _"She's gonna kill us!" Marlene giggled, as we crouched into the bush._

 _Marlene, Lynn, and I decided to go to the park after school since it was nice out, and there wasn't much else to do. We eventually got bored, so we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Though Lynn didn't actually want to play, so of course we decided that she was "It" and sprinted away from her before she could protest._

 _I laughed, as the leaves and sticks in the bush brushed against our bodies. She looked through the leaves before leaning back, our sides pressing together._

 _"She's never gonna find us," she said, grinning._

 _Before I could respond, I heard Lynn yelling distantly._

 _"Come out, losers! This isn't funny anymore!"_

 _We both snickered quietly so that she wouldn't hear us, and we stayed put. I sighed, as we sat there for a moment in silence before I nudged Marlene, and she smiled at me._

 _"Sometimes I wish_ you _were my sister," I said, smirking. "Lynn is no fun."_

 _"You don't have to wish." She giggled. "We basically are sisters already."_

 _"Oh, yeah?"_

 _"Yeah." She grinned at me. "Like the sister I never had."_

 _We laughed again, as she wrapped her arms around me as much as she could with all of the leaves in the way._

* * *

As I stand between Lynn and Zeke, tears streaming down my face, I find myself wishing I could hug her one more time. Or see her smile one more time. But I can't, and I will never be able to again. I look down at my shoes, as tears stream down my cheeks. My black shoes. To go with the black dress.

Zeke holds my hand wordlessly, probably because he knows that nothing he says will make this any better. Lynn is quiet as well, and I can tell that she is trying not to cry, though a few tears escape her eyes from time to time. I find myself looking down for the majority of the time, deciding that it's probably better than looking around at everyone else crying. But I can still hear Marlene's mother crying across from us.

This is not my first time at a funeral, but it is by far the most painful. It's too soon. She didn't deserve to go this soon. I knew that she was struggling, I knew that she was depressed. But I never thought this would really happen. I never thought that I would be at Marlene's funeral. Before she even finished high school.

My friend, my sister, my sweet-hearted sunshine.

Gone too soon.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It seems that everything has been finalized. That's what Tori told me, at least. So, I am moving into her house today. It all feels surreal and hard to believe, almost as if she is going to change her mind when she sees me standing on her doorstep, and I will be homeless all over again. Maybe I would be happier or more hopeful if it weren't for the fact that I am moving in just days after the funeral. Now, it is all I can think of. Sometimes I still feel the same pain that I felt when I found out that Marlene was gone, it is there constantly.

Zeke and Tobias came over to Christina's house with the truck to help me move my things again. When Christina asked about Uriah, Zeke simply shrugged and said that he wasn't feeling well, but I know that it is because he is still upset about Marlene. It's the same reason that Shauna and Lynn haven't been around much.

I wish I could tell them that I didn't want to move everything, just in case Tori changes her mind, but I know that they would only argue that she isn't going to change her mind, even though they cannot know that for sure.

"That's the last of it," Zeke says.

We all look at him, as he walks out of the front door with two of the garbage bags in hand. Tobias, who was arranging the bags in the bag of the truck, nods at him as he takes the last two. Christina pulls me aside, as they pack. When I look at her, she smiles sadly before pulling me into a hug.

"It's gonna be weird, not having you around," she says.

"I'll still be around," I tell her, even though I know what she means.

"I know." She shrugs her shoulders, as we release each other. "But it'll be different, I guess. You can still come over and sleep over and everything. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know that."

She smiles sadly and glances over at Zeke and Tobias to make sure that they aren't listening. I glance over at them as well to see that they have started their own conversation. Although they are talking quietly so I can't hear them, it seems as though they are planning the trip over to Tori's house, since they keep looking down at Zeke's phone, and Tobias is pointing in the direction of the main road.

"Tris," she says softly, almost hesitantly. "I know you don't like to talk about stuff you're upset about, but... You can talk to me if you need to."

"Where is this even coming from?"

"You haven't been acting like yourself lately," she says hesitantly, as if she is afraid that I'll snap. "It's like you're not even here half the time."

I can't help but feel a small twinge of pain break through the numbness that I've been feeling, as she stares back at me worriedly.

"I'm not," I say since there isn't much else to say.

She nods her head hesitantly and looks away, as Zeke and Tobias approach us. I look at them, and Zeke attempts to smile at us before speaking.

"All set?" he asks.

I nod my head in response, and he goes to start the truck. Tobias waits by the passenger door, as I say goodbye to Christina and thank her again for letting me stay with her. She stays standing off to the side to watch us, as I walk around the truck. Tobias opens the door for me, and I barely manage to look at him as I thank him and climb in. Tobias comes in after me, and I look out the window at Christina, as I sit between the two of them. She smiles sadly again, as she waves at me. I wave back, as Zeke begins to drive.

Once she is out of sight, I let out a sigh and lean back against the bench. None of us speak for a while, as Zeke drives. Only the sound of the radio playing fills the air. I notice Zeke glance over at me every now and then. Knowing him, it is most likely because he doesn't really like silence, but he also doesn't know what to say.

In all honestly, I have no idea what to say either. With every passing second, the realization of what is about to happen sets in more and more. I stare ahead blankly, as I realize that I have absolutely no idea what to expect.

She might change her mind. Even if she doesn't, what exactly is one supposed to expect when they move in with their counselor? Even if she doesn't, a huge part of me is afraid to go through with this.

I don't even realize that Tobias has taken my hand until I feel him squeeze it in a comforting manner. I look down at our hands, wondering how long ago he did that. Maybe I did it, but I'm not sure. Either way, I end up staring down, trying to find comfort in the gesture and, more importantly, trying to get myself to stop worrying.

We arrive all too soon, and I realize that my heart is racing, as we pull into the driveway. The house is not too big and not too small. As Zeke parks the truck in the driveway, I notice the front door open, and I find myself sucking in a breath as Tori emerges, pulling on her coat. She walks over to meet us, as we climb out of the truck. As Tobias closes the car door behind us, she offers me a smile, but I find myself unable to return it.

"It's good to see you, Tris," she says. I find myself unable to speak, so I nod back instead. "Would you like to see your room?"

I nod again, and she gestures for me to follow her, as Tobias and Zeke walk toward the back of the truck to start unpacking. I look back nervously, only to see that Tobias was already staring after me. He tries to give me a reassuring smile that only quells my anxiety for about two seconds.

The house is quiet, as she leads me inside. There is a small living room to the left and the staircase to the right. In the living room, I see a worn black couch, a television that is somewhat smaller than the one Caleb had, and a coffee table with some books, papers, and pens strewn across it. As I observe the living room, she looks back at me and points forward.

"The kitchen is right back there," she says. "Through the living room, but we can look at that later."

She starts walking up the stairs, and I follow her wordlessly. The stairs are carpeted, and they creak as we walk. When we get to the top, I look around to see that there are three rooms, each with the doors closed and one bathroom with the door open. She points out the door at the end of the hallway and tells me that that is her room before opening up the door to the room across the hall.

It is a simple room with only a bed, a small table next to it, a dresser, and an empty closet. It is about the same size as my room in Caleb's apartment. The windows are adorned by red curtains, but there is not much else in terms of decoration. She looks at me, as I walk into the room and look around.

"What do you think?" she asks.

I bite my lip, as she looks at me hopefully. My anxiety is rising steadily, but I don't want to tell her that. I can barely come to terms with all of this.

"It's nice," I finally force out. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it," she says, smiling briefly. "Let's get you moved in, then."

* * *

 **Four POV**

Moving all of Tris' belongings into Tori's house is much faster than the moving out process, since we only have one flight of stairs this time. Still, it is about as quiet as the moving out process since none of us really know what to say to each other.

Tori approaches me, as I reach into the back of the truck to grab another bag. I look at her, and she offers me a small smile, as she waits to grab something herself.

"It's nice of you and Zeke to help her like this," she says.

I shrug my shoulders, a bit surprised by her statement.

"It's the right thing to do," I say.

"Is that all?" she smiles knowingly, as she picks up a bag.

"It's what you do for friends," I say, trying not to be too obvious.

"Right." She looks at me knowingly again. "Well, she's lucky to have you two as friends."

I nod my head in response, as we start carrying her things inside, just as Tris and Zeke come outside to get more bags. Within minutes, we have moved everything into her new room. When we ask if she wants help unpacking everything, she simply shakes her head and says we've done enough.

We stand in silence for a moment before Tori steps inside, offering us time to say goodbye to each other. I watch Tris, as she says goodbye to Zeke first. She barely even looks at him, as she thanks him for helping. They hug briefly, but a blank look remains on her face the entire time.

As I watch her, I realize how much it hurts to see her like this. I know that she is scared because she doesn't know what to expect from living with Tori, and it certainly doesn't help that she is moving in now, just days after Marlene's funeral. It doesn't help that she will be away from her friends when she needs them the most. What hurts the most is that I can see her getting worse and worse, and I have no idea how to help her.

When she finishes saying goodbye to Zeke, she takes a step toward me, and I notice Zeke wander back over to the truck subtly, and I can't help but feel a little grateful. She looks up, but her eyes don't meet mine, as she stands in front of me.

"Thanks," she says quietly. "For helping."

I nod my head in response and sigh, as she looks down at her feet. I look around her at Zeke, who has his back turned to us as he leans against his truck. Once I am sure that he isn't looking, I hook my thumb under her chin and lift her head up, trying to ignore the blank look on her face, as I gently kiss her forehead.

When I pull away, I only feel worse, as I see that the blank look is now replaced by a pained expression. Her hand finds mine, and I squeeze it in an attempt to comfort her, but it doesn't seem to help. Before I can react, she has snaked her arms around my neck and buried her face in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist, wishing that I didn't have to let go.

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbles almost inaudibly.

I feel a sharp twinge of pain at her words, and I let out a sigh, as I run one of my hands over her soft hair.

"I'm sorry," I say, because it is the only thing I can say.

She pulls back slightly and glances at Zeke, as if she is checking to see if he is looking like I did before. Before I can look for myself, she presses her lips against mine in what may be the most heartfelt kiss she has ever given me. At this point, I am beyond caring if Zeke is looking in our direction. But it seems that she still cares since she pulls away far too soon and glances in his direction before looking back at me.

"What was that for?" I ask.

She shrugs her shoulders, and I have just enough time to notice that her eyes are glassy before she looks down again.

"For helping," she says unconvincingly. "You guys should probably go."

Although I want to stay here with her too, I find myself nodding in agreement, knowing that Zeke is still waiting. She hugs me briefly before backing away a bit, signaling for me to go. I look at her one more time and sigh, as I realize that the blank look has returned to her face, as she watches us climb into the truck and drive away. Even as we drive away, I watch her staring after us in the mirror until she is completely out of view.

* * *

Now, as I lay in bed, all I can think is how much I wish I had said something more. Something to reassure her that things would be okay, that _she_ would be okay. But I knew that it would make her uncomfortable to have that kind of talk in front of other people, and either Zeke or Tori were always around.

I try to stop thinking about it so that I can fall asleep but to no avail. My phone begins to vibrate repeatedly, and I wonder who would be calling me this late. When I look at the screen, I see that it is an unsaved number, but I decide to answer it anyway.

"Hello?"

" _Four_?" a female voice says.

"Who is this?" I ask.

" _It's Christina_ , _I have to ask you something_."

"How did you get my number?"

" _From Zeke, does that really matter_?" she says, annoyed. " _Is Tris with you_?"

"What?" I sit up, as I realize the implication of her question. "No, why?"

" _She kept texting me that she was really upset, and some of the things she was saying... I got worried_ ," she explains anxiously. " _So I went over to Tori's house, and she said that Tris left an hour ago to go see you, and now you're telling me she's not there, and she's not answering her phone_."

I stand up and turn on the lamp so I can find a jacket, as I start toward the door of my bedroom.

"Have you checked anywhere else?" I ask, as I put on the jacket and rush down the stairs.

" _I went back home to see if she was at my house, and I called Shauna and Zeke. Nobody has seen her, and she isn't answering her phone for any of them either. Do you have any idea where she might be_?"

"I think I might," I say, as I grab my car keys and let myself out the front door. "I'll call you back."

The sky is already dark, and it is snowing fairly heavily. I rush over to my car, trying not to slip on the snow already on the ground. I feel a knot in my stomach, as I watch the thick snowflakes come down relentlessly. If Tris is where I think she is, I need to find her fast.

* * *

The air is painfully cold against my face, as I walk as fast as I can toward the park. There aren't many people around by now, which means that the snow here is untouched, for the most part. I look down at the ground, as I walk.

The first place I had planned to check was the spot that I had shown her. But as I look down at the ground, I realize that there is only one set of faint footprints, and it is leading in the complete opposite direction. For a moment, I stand still as I consider it. If I follow the footprints and they end up belonging to someone else, it will be a complete waste of time. But it will be even worse if I don't follow them and they do belong to her.

The cold wind pushes against me, as I start following the footprints, the snow crunching under my shoes. The entire time that I follow the footprints, I hope and nearly pray that they are leading me to her.

After what feels like hours of walking, I look up and realize that the footprints are leading underneath the bridge. I stop for a moment, considering whether or not I should keep following. But any caution I had is thrown out the window when I hear a soft whimpering coming from under the bridge. I find myself ducking under the bridge before I can think to stop myself.

My heart nearly stops, as my eyes land on her. She is curled up on the ground, her coat tossed aside. Even from here, I can see the goosebumps on her bare arms, as she lays there shivering.

"Shit, Tris!"

She moans in response without opening her eyes, as I rush over to her and kneel down beside her. I peel my own coat off and pull her up as much as I can, though her body is limp. When I finally get her as close to a sitting position as I can, I wrap the jacket around her and pull her into my chest, hoping that my body is giving off enough heat to at least give her the energy to open her eyes. But I realize quickly that she isn't going to get any better as long as we are sitting outside in the cold. With that thought, I pick her up and stand up at the same time, as adrenaline courses through me.

As I run to the car, as fast I can with the snow slowing me down, I try to come up with a course of action. I can't very well bring her back to Tori's house in this condition. I can't bring her to my house. The most viable option right now seems to be Christina's house, but that means I need to call her and tell her what happened.

I open up the back door of my car and lay her down in the backseat, making sure that the coat is still wrapped around her securely. It is only when I stand back and take in the sight of her limp body that it hits me. Everything begins to make sense.

The way she acted when she was saying goodbye to me, the way she kissed me. How Christina said that she was sending worrisome texts.

She came out here for a reason. She took off her coat in the middle of a snowstorm on purpose. She was trying to end her life again.

I almost lost her, again.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

I sit side-by-side with Uriah on the couch, turning my phone over in my hands. He offered to come over when I called him to tell him that I couldn't find Tris, and now we are sitting and waiting to hear back from Four because there isn't much more we can do. We just sit there, our sides pressed together and his arm around my shoulders. As we wait, we make sure to talk quietly so as not to wake up Rose or my mother who are sound asleep upstairs.

"You know you can go home if you're tired," I say quietly.

"Not tired," he says between a yawn. "I'm having fun."

I can't help but snort at this, and he smiles slightly at me. The dull light from the lamp highlights the bags under his eyes. I feel guilty that he is staying up with me to wait, but I know that he won't leave even if I try to convince him to. When I look at the clock, it is about ten o clock, which isn't too late. I make a guess that he is so tired because he hasn't been able to sleep much since Marlene's death.

"Are you feeling any better?" I ask when the thought of Marlene enters my head.

"Not really, but it's okay." He shrugs a bit. "She was my best friend, but I know that my other friends are here for me, too."

"We are," I say, leaning my head against his shoulder. "You still have us."

"I know."

"You still have me."

He chuckles at this. "I know."

I can't help but smile, as he pats my shoulder. We sit in a comfortable silence for another moment, as we wait to hear from Four.


	22. Chapter 22

**Correction: THIS is the longest chapter! 5,781 words! I know that's probably not a big deal to you guys, but my chapters are never that long, so I'm excited.**

 **Okay, so thank you guys all SO much for your feedback. To the guest reviewer who asked about Peter and Eric, I promise that will be explained later!**

 **Anyway, I don't do this a lot, but I decided I wanted to rewrite part of the last chapter but in Tris' POV, so you can get a better understanding of what happened.**

 **Also the song mentioned in this chapter is "Chandelier" by Sia. Okay... I think/hope that's it.**

 **I'm super nervous posting this chapter, but I hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

My thoughts are racing. Everything hurts, as I sit in my new room, surrounded by the bags of my things. Tobias and Zeke have left already, and after we talked briefly, Tori decided to give me some time alone to get unpacked. I did try to unpack at first, but I eventually ended up sitting on the bed, alternating between texting Christina and staring at the wall.

I can't stop thinking about everything, everyone. I keep thinking about Marlene and how I will never see her again. About Caleb and how he gave up on me, even though we are the only family that either of us have. Even worse, I start thinking about my parents and even Al and Peter and Eric. As I sit there, it's as if my brain has chosen to showcase every bad memory it can gather. Every person who decided that I wasn't worth it and convinced me to think the same.

I end up sitting there with my knees to my chest and my hands tangled into my hair. It's too much. It's all too much. People always say that things get better, but so far that doesn't seem to be the case. So far, it seems like things only get worse. Al was the one who always told me that. He always told me to hold onto life and that it would get better. And then, he ended his own life. At the time, my life meant nothing to me. And I'm afraid that that feeling has returned.

I look down at my phone, realizing that Christina texted me about fifteen minutes ago, and I haven't responded.

 _I don't care._

I finally know what I have to do, and that is the only thing that gives me the energy to stand up and start walking toward the door. I stop only to reach into my bag and retrieve the sleeping pills that Christina gave me when I was sleeping at her house, so that I wouldn't wake up from nightmares as often. I stuff the pills into my pocket before heading downstairs. The creaking of the stairs only further irritates me, as I walk down them. When I get to the bottom and pick up my coat, I look over and see that Tori is sitting on the couch, watching the television. She looks at me and smiles slightly, and I feel a sharp pang of guilt, as I realize that what I am about to do might upset her. Still, I know that she will eventually move past it.

"Where are you headed?" she asks.

"Just to see a friend," I say.

"Four?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I lie. "Is that all right?"

"I suppose so," she says. "Just try not to be out too late, all right? It's getting bad out there."

I nod my head and say goodbye to her before pulling my coat on and letting myself out. When I get outside, I see that she was right. It is already dark out, and snow is coming down lightly but steadily. The air is so cold that it is almost painful, even with the coat. I take a deep breath, as I begin walking. The entire time, I try to work up the nerve to go through with this.

I know that I am ready for this, but I am worried mostly about what will happen afterward. Although I know they will get over it eventually, I know that my friends will be upset. Especially Tobias, since I told him that I would try to tell him when I was having urges again. Still, not telling him is for the best. Although he will be upset at first, I know that he will be able to move on and find someone much better than me. But he won't realize this unless I make him, which means I have to go through with this.

After what feels like hours of wandering, I find myself standing near the entrance of the park. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and I pull it out to see that it is Christina calling me. I silence the call and look at the time. I've been walking around for almost an hour already. As I think about it, I begin to notice just how tired my legs are. I replace my phone in my pocket, as I start walking toward the bridge. I reason that it is the best place to do this since nobody will be able to see me, even when the sun comes out again. When I get under the bridge, there is only a thin layer of snow on the ground there because the snow can only get there through the cracks in the bridge. Still, it is just as cold so I know that will not be a problem.

I remember all the times that Caleb warned me about hypothermia when I was younger. Of course, it mostly happened on days when it wasn't very cold, so I refused to wear a jacket just because he opted to wear one. Still, all of those warnings were enough to educate on how to get hypothermia in the first place since he always had to give drawn-out explanations to prove how smart he was. So I suppose I should thank him for that. I can't help but snort at the thought of thanking Caleb after what he has done.

"Don't worry, Caleb," I mumble, as I kneel down in the snow. "You won't have to deal with me ever again."

My phone begins to vibrate again. This time, I don't bother to see who is calling. Instead, I start to pull off my coat, and I immediately cringe at the cold that is now causing goosebumps to raise on my bare arms. I toss the coat aside and pull the sleeping pill out of my pocket, reminding myself that this will only hurt for a bit, and then it will all be over.

I groan, as my phone vibrates again. But I still don't look to see who it is. Instead, I swallow the pill and sit there, letting the cold consume me. If what Caleb told me is correct, I will shiver first. Eventually, it will become harder for me to move because my muscles will stiffen up. Then, I will be unable to speak or move at all. And then, it will all be over. That is, if Caleb was right about all of that. And he usually is, as he is annoyingly smart.

My entire body is shaking, as I just sit there quietly and wait. Eventually, I end up lying on the ground, and it seems that my body has curled itself up, as if it is instinctively trying to protect itself from the cold. As I lay there, my phone goes off again. Even if I wanted to know who it was, I realize that my muscles are too stiff for me to reach for it, just like Caleb said. It is more painful than I thought I would be. I close my eyes, as I try not to imagine my friends trying to reach me, worrying about me. I try not to imagine how they will react when they find out.

 _It doesn't matter,_ I try to convince myself. _I don't care. I don't care. I don't care._

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

"Did you find her?" I ask, as I open up the microwave.

"Yeah, it's right here," Uriah says. "What should I say?"

I turn to look at him, as he sits at the kitchen table with Tris' phone in his hands. As soon as Four brought her over, I found a couple of blankets to wrap her with to warm her up. But since she still isn't awake, we decided that we should probably find a way to tell Tori that she was sleeping over at my house. After all, it wouldn't exactly look good for Tris if she disappears on her first night at Tori's house without any explanation. So, I took her phone out of her pocket, and Uriah and I opted to find Tori in her contacts while Four stayed in the living room to watch her.

Of course, a sleeping pill package fell out of her pocket when I pulled her phone out. Now, Four is convinced that she did this on purpose. Still, I find myself holding onto the hope that she just wandered off by accident, as she sometimes does.

"Just text back..." I stop to think, as I pull the wet towel out of the microwave. "'I think I'm gonna sleep over at Christina's house because the snow is getting really bad... But I'll see you tomorrow.' Am I missing something?"

"Didn't she tell Tori that she was going to see Four though?" Uriah reminds me.

"Shit, you're right... Okay, say that my house is right down the street from Four's so it's easier to get to."

"Got it," he says, typing as fast as he can on Tris' old phone.

I groan, as I watch him type, and he glances up at me curiously.

"I _really_ hate lying," I say as an explanation.

"Don't think of this as lying," he says, smiling slightly. "Think of it as saving Tris' ass."

I can't help but smile a little at that. It's unbelievable how he can always make me smile, even in a moment like this.

"I'll try," I say.

"Why do you think she went out there anyway?"

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "She's always had a habit of wandering. She probably just got stuck out there by accident or something."

"So, you don't think she did it on purpose?" he asks quietly.

"No," I say, even though I'm not sure if I fully believe it. "I don't think so."

He nods wordlessly, as I start walking to the living room. When I walk in, I stop for a moment to watch, as Four holds Tris in his lap and looks down at her. Though her back is facing me and she is still bundled up in blankets, so I can't tell if she is awake yet or not. I continue in their direction anyway, making Four look up at me. When I kneel down in front of the couch, I see that her eyes are still closed. That's not surprising, since she did take a sleeping pill and she was just out in the cold for god-knows-how-long.

"I brought a, uhm..." I look down at the towel in my hand and realize that it is already cooling down because I spent too much time talking to Uriah. "Well, I tried to bring a warm towel."

"It's okay," he sighs, as he feels her forehead. "She seems warm enough already."

I nod, as I fold up the towel and hold onto it. As I watch him staring down at her with obvious concern in his eyes, I can't help but feel bad for him. After all, I know how much he cares about her. It must have been horrible for him to find her like that, especially since he thinks that she did this on purpose. For some reason, I feel as if I need to say something to reassure him that she'll be okay, though I'm not sure what for a while.

"Do you want to carry her up to my bed?" I ask him. "I figured she could sleep there since she needs to warm up, and I'll sleep on the floor so that I'll hear her if she wakes up in the middle of the night."

He nods his head slowly, still looking down at her. Eventually, he sighs and looks at me tiredly.

"I'm guessing there's no chance that I can stay with her," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say, actually meaning it. "My mom tolerates a lot. But she would freak out if I let guys sleep over."

"Right," he sighs.

"Hey." I try to smile at him, as he looks back at me. "You'll see her tomorrow."

"You think she'll still come to school after all this?"

"Have you met her?" I say, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Of course, she'll be there. She knows that Tori would find out if she skips."

"I guess you're right," he says with a sigh.

"You wanna bring her up?"

He nods hesitantly, as he starts to stand up carefully with her in his arms. I tell him which room is mine, and he walks up the stairs quietly to take her to my room. I sigh, as I walk back into the kitchen where Uriah is still sitting at the table with Tris' phone in one hand, as he rests his head in his other hand.

"Did she respond?" I ask, making him look up at me.

"Yeah," he says, shaking his head a bit as if I just woke him up from a trance. "She said, 'Okay, be safe. See you tomorrow.'"

"Okay," I say, as I rest my hand on his shoulder. "You guys should probably go soon. My mom will freak out if you guys sleep over, and I don't want you guys to leave too late since it's really bad outside."

"Always thinking of others," he says, smiling a little.

I smile back, as he stands up, making my hand fall off of his shoulder. As I look at him, I can't help but think how much his presence comforts me. At first, his childish side was the reason that I didn't take him seriously. Now, I realize, it always serves to bring light even to the darkest situations. As I look at him, I realize that I haven't felt this much comfort since Will. But lately, the thought doesn't hurt as much as it used to.

He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and I hug him back for a few seconds before we both seem to realize at the same time that he needs to go. I walk with him into the living room, and we stand there waiting for Four so that they can leave together. After a few moments of waiting, Four finally comes back down the stairs with a strange look on his face.

"You okay?" Uriah asks.

"Fine," Four mumbles. "I guess we should go."

"See you guys tomorrow," I say, as Four picks up his keys and Uriah puts on his jacket. "And you will see her tomorrow."

Four looks at me for a moment and nods his head, as he opens the front door.

"Thanks, Christina," he says quietly. "For everything."

I nod my head at him, as he leaves. I guess Four is warming up to me, after all.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

I sit next to Tris on the piano bench. I was beyond surprised that she still came in early to meet me after everything that happened last night, but she didn't really give much of an explanation when I questioned her about it.

So far, none of us really know exactly what happened. Christina thinks she just wandered off by accident. It wouldn't be the first time, she said. On the other hand, Four is completely convinced that she did it on purpose. I don't want to believe that she did it on purpose, but it does seem like it.

"You're not getting into it," I say, as I look at her notebook which is propped up in front of me.

"Neither are you," she says, shrugging.

"Yeah, but you wrote this. That means you believe in it, so you should be more into it, right?"

"Well, I don't believe it anymore," she mutters. "' _Party girls don't get hurt_?' That's stupid. It seems like they get hurt worse."

"I took it as, party girls get hurt, but they always pretend that they're fine, so nobody realizes that they're hurt."

She says nothing to that. I look at her, as she shakes her head. After a moment, she looks at me with an odd expression. I have never seen this look on her face, and I can't help but feel bad for her. I know that she has a lot going on in her mind whether she wants to admit it or not, and I wish she knew that we would help her if she let us.

"You're looking at me funny," I say after a moment.

"Sorry," she says, looking down. "I was just thinking."

The room is silent for a moment, as she stares down at her lap again wordlessly. I let out a sigh, as I rest my elbows on my thighs.

I find myself thinking of all the times when I knew Marlene was in trouble. Of all the times that I wish I had said something to her to help her. There were so many times when she was clearly upset and struggling, and I wanted so badly to say something, but I didn't out of fear of upsetting her further. I always think to myself that maybe if I said something, she might have changed her mind and she would still be here today.

I feel pained just at the thought, but I decide that I need to say something now. After all, I don't think I will be able to live with myself if the same thing happens with Tris.

"Let's just clear this right now. Tris, I don't know why you went out there last night, and I'm not gonna ask you." She looks at me curiously. "But what you need to know is that we're all hurting right now. All of us. But we're all here to help each other through it. We're like a family. And when times get tough, you don't just run away from your family. You stay with us, okay? You need us, and we need you."

When I look at her, I realize that her eyes are tearing up. At first, I think that I might have upset her somehow, and I am about to apologize. But I stop myself when she leans against me and rests her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her shoulders, as she takes a deep breath.

"I find it amazing that a group of people I'm not even related to seem to care about me more than my own brother," she says.

"Hey, screw your brother. I'm your brother now."

She laughs a little bit, and I can't help but smile proudly. She sits up again and smiles a little at me. As I look back at her, I find myself wondering how her brother could possibly be so cruel to give up on someone like Tris. I even feel a little grateful, as I think about it. Zeke may be a bully sometimes, but I know that he would never abandon me like that. But mostly, I am grateful because now I get the chance to show her what it's like to have a brother who really cares.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I take a deep breath before looking at Tobias, though he is still staring down at the steering wheel with an odd look on his face. I just look at him for a moment, unsure of how to start this. Unfortunately, it seems that he knows me well enough by now to know exactly what I am doing.

"I want you to start," he says, still without looking at me. "I want you to tell me what happened last night."

I find myself wringing my hands nervously, but I decide that I don't have it in me to tell him that I did it on purpose.

"It's like Christina said," I say vaguely. "I must have just wandered off without thinking."

"I know what Christina said," he says in a quiet voice that nearly gives me chills. "I want your explanation."

I look down at my lap, letting the silence consume us. Mostly because I'm too afraid to look at him because it seems like he already knows that I did what I did on purpose. If I had to guess, I would say that he is looking down because he cannot stand to look at me at this point.

"I think you already know what was going through my head," I mutter.

I glance at him from the corner of my eye and see that he has closed his own eyes. I hear him take a deep breath.

"You promised you would tell me," he says, actually sounding hurt, "if you wanted to hurt yourself again. You promised you would tell me."

"I promised I would try," I say, even though I know it's a lame excuse.

He shifts in his seat as much as he can so that he is facing me, and I find myself unable to look away from the intensity in his eyes.

"Did you think of us when you went out there?" he asks. "Did you think of me?"

I stop to think for a moment. If I say that I didn't, he will be hurt because it will seem like none of them are important to me. If I say that I did, he will become angry because that would be admitting that I thought of how this would hurt them and continued to go through with it anyway. It's a double edged sword, but I have to pick an edge.

"Yes... A bit," I say. "Look, I know you don't want me to, I know that none of you want me to. But whether you admit it or not, you would all get over it eventually, and..."

I trail off, as he shifts in his seat again so that he can rest his arm on the car door next to him. He covers his face with his hand for a moment before running his hand through his hair. He looks away, out the window, but it's too late. I could tell by the look on his face that he is getting angry, and I can tell by the way he is acting that he is trying to stop himself from acting out of anger. I stay quiet, as I watch the back of his head, waiting for him to gain composure.

"If Marlene said that exact same thing to you before she died, would you believe it like you're expecting me to right now?"

I roll my eyes, trying to hide the sharp pain that I felt at his words.

"That's not fair."

"How?" he says in an almost daring tone.

"Because Marlene and I are two completely different people. She leaves more of an impression than I-"

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," he mutters to the window.

"Excuse me?"

Finally, he looks at me, anger still obvious on his face. For a moment, I wonder if he is going to just kick me out of his car and leave me here completely. It wouldn't be very hard, since he hasn't even started the car yet. But that theory is thrown out the window when he starts speaking.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this before you understand and believe me," he says. "Yes, you're different from Marlene but we all still care about you just as much. Christina loves you, doesn't she? You're her best friend, you think she would just get over it? Lynn thinks you're awesome, and she hates half the people she meets. Uriah told me that he feels like you're the sister he never had. Zeke dropped everything to help us move your things, and he wouldn't do that if he didn't think you were worth it. Shauna loves you so much that she wants me to marry you tomorrow."

I can't help but blush at that. He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath.

"And you already know how I feel about you," he continues. "Quite honestly, I've never felt like this toward anyone but you, Tris."

"Really?" I ask without thinking.

"Really," he says, and I can see his features softening as we stare back at each other. "Tris, you can't just say that we'll get over it. You can't decide that for us. Everybody would be devastated just like they were when they found out about Marlene. You saw how much it hurt everybody. Things will never be the same without her, just like things would never be the same without you. And as for me... I couldn't handle that. And I don't think I would get over it like you think I would."

He stares at me for a moment, but it seems as if his anger is slowly being replaced by sadness. I try to ease the guilt by telling myself that he is only saying this because he feels obligated. But as I stare back at him, I take in the way that he is looking at me. He always looks at me like I'm the most important thing around him, though I'm not sure why. Still, I can tell that he isn't just saying all of this because he feels obligated. I can tell by the way he is looking at me that he means it.

I can feel a familiar sadness taking over, as I realize just how hurt he would have been if he didn't find me last night. I remember how much it hurt to see Uriah so broken down about Marlene. If Tobias hadn't found me, he would have been broken just like Uriah. The thought alone pains me.

"I'm sorry," I say finally. He nods his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. "I didn't know what else to do."

"You can talk to us any time you need to," he says. "But I think it might help you more to talk to someone else... A professional."

"I know," I say with a sigh. "I'm going to talk to Tori when I go back to her house. I'm not going to tell her everything, just that I want help."

"Will you tell me how it goes after?"

I nod my head, and he smiles just the slightest bit. I look at the clock, only to realize that there is only about ten minutes until his shift starts.

"Hey, don't you have to go?" I point out. "You don't have to take me to Tori's house if it'll make you late."

"One, I care about you more than I care about being on time," he says, making me blush again. "Two, I was going to ask if you wanted to come in to practice again. It's been a while, it'd be a good time for you to ease back into it."

"Sure," I say. "Just let me text Tori to let her know."

"Sounds good," he says, his smile growing a bit.

He starts the car, as I pull out my phone to text Tori and let her know that I am going to a training session so that she won't wonder where I am when she gets back. Once I have finished, I start tugging at the end of my sleeve nervously, as I try to think of something to say to ease the tension.

"You know, I did keep one of my promises," I tell him.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I mean, I haven't smoked since that session we had when you told me that I would have better endurance if I quit." I look at him to see that he is smiling, though he is still looking ahead at the road. "Do you remember that?"

"Of course I remember that," he says. "That's good. I'm really proud of you."

I can't help but smile a bit. I find myself looking down instinctively, even though I know he is not looking at me.

 _I did it for you,_ my mind says. But I wouldn't dare say that out loud.

* * *

This session seems a bit more tiring than usual, most likely because I skipped so many days. Plus, I am still exhausted from last night. Though I haven't noticed a difference, Tobias told me that my endurance does seem a bit better. He might just be saying that so that I don't go back to smoking, but I'm not sure. Either way, I end up sweating and exhausted by the time we finally stop.

"Your hits are getting stronger," he says proudly, though I can't tell if he's proud of me or proud of himself for teaching me so well.

"Thanks," I say, as I take a sip from the water bottle he got for me.

"Are you sure you'll be okay getting home?" he asks.

"Yeah," I shrug. "I might catch the bus so I don't have to walk through the snow."

He nods, and I can tell by the look on his face that my wording made him think of last night when he found me in the snow. He walks toward me, closing the space between us.

"Can I ask you something?" he says. I nod my head. "I want you to make one more promise. I know you said that it's not easy for you to talk to people when you're upset, but... I can't handle a repeat of last night. I know you promised that you would _try_ to tell me if you wanted to hurt yourself. Now, I want you to promise that you will tell me if you want to hurt yourself."

"But what if..." I trail off, knowing that he might get mad at my next question.

"What?" he presses.

"What if I break the promise?" I ask cautiously. "I mean, I'm not planning to, but if I did break it and... do something to myself, then I wouldn't really be around for any consequences."

He looks pained for a moment before responding.

"If you break the promise," he says slowly, as if he is trying to think of something, "then I'm allowed to go with you."

"Are we Romeo and Juliet?" I say without thinking.

"No," he says, smiling a bit. "Because we're going to live."

I can't help but laugh a little, as he smiles down at me. I think about it for a moment before I finally nod my head at him.

"Okay," I say. "I promise." His smile widens just a bit before he starts to put his arms around me. "Don't, I'm sweaty."

"You really think I care?" I roll my eyes, as he wraps his arms around my waist.

I put my arms around his neck, as I look up at him. As I stare at his eyes, I find myself at a loss for words. As much as I would hate to admit it out loud, there really is something about him. Just like he claims that he has never felt this way about anyone else, I know that I have never felt this way for anyone but him. I bring my hand up to his cheek, trying to memorize every detail. He smiles at me, as he brings one of his hands up to my arm, his fingers tracing over the developing muscles there. He rests his forehead on mine, and I realize just how comfortable and safe I feel just from being so close to him. I think about how he has proven, time and time again, that he isn't giving up on me, and I find myself smiling a bit at the thought.

"Ahem."

We break apart from each other and look around, as we hear someone clear their throat. When I look at the doorway, I see Amar staring at us with a smirk on his face. I look down, knowing that my face is probably as red as a tomato by now.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" he says with an amused tone.

"Of course not," Tobias mutters, running a hand through his hair.

"Well then, Tris, you won't mind if I take my star employee from you?" he says, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Not at all," I say, hoping that my face isn't so red anymore.

"Whenever you're ready, Four," he says, as he starts to leave. "Now, preferably."

He rolls his eyes and turns back to me.

"Text me later, okay?" he says. "After you talk to Tori."

"I will," I tell him.

He nods and smiles at me before leaving the room. Once he is gone, I collect my things and leave as well. Although I am still a bit sweaty, I pull on my coat, as I walk outside and over to the bus stop across the street. Luckily, the bus comes just minutes later. I spend the entire trip back to Tori's house thinking about everything that just happened with Tobias as well as wondering what I am going to say to Tori.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi all! Thank you guys so much for your support and love! I responded to a couple of reviews, but again, I didn't respond to the rest because I don't want to bother you guys, but I appreciate every single one! I always get super nervous about posting, but you guys always make me feel better so thank you. :)**

 **Anyway, sorry it took some time. I've been busy AND sick! Horrible combination, ugh! But anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Once I have finished washing the dishes, I sit down in the living room with Tori. After she cooked us dinner, she went to watch one of her favorite shows, and I offered to wash the dishes since she cooked. But really, it was just because I wanted to escape the awkward silence that was growing between us.

I decided to talk to Tori over dinner about seeing a therapist outside of the school. In fact, she didn't even seem surprised. I guess I should have realized that she would have that reaction since she is a counselor herself, and she knows what I have been dealing with. In any case, she told me that she would help me find someone, and she also told me that I could talk to her any time in the meantime.

While she did handle it well and agree to help me, I still felt a bit awkward talking about it. After all, I have never been very comfortable with asking for help.

"There's something I should tell you," Tori says, as I sit down next to her on the sofa.

"What?"

"I've been replaced," she sighs, as she lowers the volume on the television. "Principal Matthews felt that it would be inappropriate for me to lead the support group under the circumstances."

"Who's replacing you?" I ask before I realize something. "She's not going to fire you, is she?"

"No, of course not. And as far as the support group goes, one of the other counselors will be taking over," she explains. "His name is Harrison."

I let out a groan. During the time that I was passed around from counselor to counselor, I did spend some time with Harrison. He never seemed to take anything seriously when I was talking to him. And I always felt like he was patronizing me.

"Hey, give it a chance," she says, smiling a bit. "First impressions aren't always accurate."

"Right," I say, rolling my eyes.

She shakes her head, though she is still smiling. She looks back at the television screen, but I find myself uninterested in the program that she is watching. Instead, my eyes shift to the black books and pens strewn across the table. Every time I have seen them, I have refrained from opening them because I didn't want to invade her privacy. But now, it seems the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"What are these anyway?"

She looks at me for a moment before picking up one of the books and handing it to me.

"See for yourself," she says.

I look at her wordlessly, and she nods her head at me, as if she is encouraging me to open it. I pull open the black cover and look at the first page in awe. I expected the pages to be covered with words. Instead, they are covered with pictures and designs. I flip through the pages slowly, trying to fully take in each one. On one of the pages, there is a drawing of a black and white hawk with red eyes.

"That's amazing," I say, pointing to it.

"Thank you." She smiles proudly. "I have that one on my back, actually."

"Really?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at her.

"Don't look so surprised," she chuckles, as she takes the book back from me.

"Did you draw all of these?" She nods her head, as she stares down at them. "Are they all meant to be tattoos?"

"They can be used for tattoos. But I don't have any specific intentions for them when I draw them."

"They're really good," I tell her. "You could have been a tattoo artist if you wanted to."

"I was." She chuckles at the surprised look on my face. "For a while, I was, but..." She stops for a moment and takes a deep breath. "I think this would be a good time to tell you why I took you in."

"Okay," I say hesitantly.

She stares down at the book for a moment as if she is willing herself to continue.

"When I was younger, I also lost my parents," she says, glancing at me. "My brother and I ended up in foster care. They tried to keep us together because we were siblings. But unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. Eventually, we were separated."

* * *

 **Tori POV**

* * *

 _I sat at the kitchen table, trying to finish my homework. Instead, I ended up drawing aimlessly in the margins of my notebook paper. I rested my head in my hand and let out a sigh, as I drew._

 _It had been about a year since I had seen my brother. My foster mother thought it was better this way, that I could now start my own life as my own person. I didn't bother to ask where he was now. I knew she wouldn't tell me._

 _"Hi, Tor-Tor."_

 _I looked up, as one of my foster sisters, Angelina, sat down across the table from me. She smirked, as she dropped her books on the table and started flipping through the pages obnoxiously. She was only a year older than me and the oldest of all of us. She was a full-time bully, but our foster mother never saw past her sweet facade. Or maybe she just didn't care._

 _"Aren't you gonna say 'hi'?" she said, raising an eyebrow, as she tapped her pencil against her book. I simply shook my head, and she shrugged as she started taking notes. "I know what happened to your brother. Georgie."_

 _"Don't call him that," I muttered._

 _"Don't you want to know?" she continued, ignoring me. I shook my head, knowing that she would just make something up. "He's dead, Tor-Tor."_

 _"Shut up," I said. "I know you're lying."_

 _"I don't lie about death. Why else do you think you haven't heard anything?" She looked around, as if to make sure our foster mother was not in earshot. "She doesn't want you to know. The home he went to was different. His foster daddy got mad-"_

 _"I said, 'shut up'!"_

 _I slammed down my pencil, as anger coursed through me. The moment that the words left my mouth, I felt more anger at myself than her for letting her get a rise out of me. I felt more anger at myself for believing her._

 _"Don't believe me?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Go find him. Bring some flowers."_

* * *

I take a deep breath, as Tris stares at me with wide eyes. I see a hint of anger in them, the same anger that I always felt around my foster sister.

"So that's what I did," I continue. "The day I turned eighteen, I left to find my brother... But I didn't make it very far. I didn't really have much money or much of anything. I struggled for awhile, trying to find a job and a home. That's when I met Bud. I showed him some drawings, and he gave me a job at his tattoo parlor, and he even let me move into the apartment above it."

"Do you still talk to him?" Tris asks.

"Of course I do." I can't help but grin at the thought. "He encouraged me to go back to school. And he helped me find my brother."

"I was wondering how you had that picture of the two of you in your office," she says, also smiling now.

"Yes," I chuckle. "I found him."

"Wait, what does any of this have to do with me?" she asks, as if she just remembered that that is how this story started.

"Well..." I let out a sigh, as I look at her. "I know how it feels to be down on your luck. I know how it feels to lose everyone that you thought would always be there. I know what life can do to a person. I meant it when I said that you deserve a fighting chance. Bud was there to give me mine. And now, I want to give you yours."

She smiles a bit, though she looks sadder now. As I smile back at her, she looks down and starts playing with her sleeve.

"Thank you, Tori," she says, glancing back up at me. "For everything. And for telling me all of that."

"Any time."

I continue to flip through the pages, and I can sense that she is looking at the drawings too.

"What made you start drawing?" she asks quietly as if she's afraid to break my concentration.

"I guess it just felt like an escape," I shrug, as I trace one of the drawings. "When I was upset or angry or scared or anything else, really, I would draw something to symbolize that. And it would be a symbol that only I could understand. It gave me comfort somehow. It still does, even if I don't get to do it all the time anymore."

She stays silent for a moment, as she stares down at the book in my hands thoughtfully. Eventually, she looks back up at me, the beginning of a smile on her lips.

"I have an idea," she says.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

As I walk next to Christina, everything is silent except for the sound of our shoes shuffling through the slushy snow on the ground. When I look at her, she is staring down at the ground with an odd look on her face, and she has both of her hands tucked into her pockets. I link one of my arms through hers, and she looks up at me. She smiles a bit, and her body relaxes just the slightest bit, as she takes her hand out of her pocket and her fingers curl around my arm.

"You okay?" I finally ask.

"No, not really," she sighs. "I just can't stop thinking about... You know, that night. Especially after what she said during the group."

"That night that Tris wandered away?"

She stops walking and sighs heavily. Her arm slips away from mine, as she turns away and lightly kicks a rock into another pile of snow.

"She didn't wander," she says, her voice shaking a bit. "It wasn't an accident."

"Hey, where is this coming from?" I ask, as I gently tug at her arm so that she turns back to me.

"I didn't want to believe it," she says, her eyes more glassy now. "I just kept convincing myself that it was an accident, and I even said that to her. I didn't even give her a chance to correct me. I didn't want to hear her say it."

"If you're worried that she's mad at you, I'm sure she's not," I say. "I'm sure she understands-"

"That's not what I'm worried about," she squeaks, as her eyes tear up more. "I just... When is it gonna be enough, you know? Why do we have to keep losing people and _almost_ losing people? When is it going to stop? Why can't we just have normal fucking lives instead of constantly having to worry about... Oh, I don't know: Who's going to go next?"

"I don't know, okay?" She shudders, as I grab onto her hands. "I don't know the answer to any of those questions. But look, we have each other, right? I'm not going anywhere. Are you?"

"No," she croaks. "Of course not."

"Then, that's all that matters," I say. "No matter what happens, you and I can get through it together, okay?"

She shudders again before releasing one of my hands so that she can wipe the tears that managed to escape away. She nods her head slowly before finally looking up at me.

"Okay," is all she says before we continue on our way to my house.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"I don't care what Tori says," Tris says, as we leave the meeting. "He's horrible."

"He's not that bad," I say, knowing that she is referring to Harrison. She raises an eyebrow at me, as she leans against the lockers. "Okay, maybe he is."

She laughs a little, as she wraps her arms around my neck, and I rest my hands on her hips. Ever since the night that I found her under the bridge, I've noticed that even small touches and gestures like these seem so much more significant.

I try not to think about the fact that I could have lost her. I try not to think of the fact that if I had been just a few minutes later, I wouldn't be holding her right now. I try not to think about it, but it's so hard not to.

"What's the matter?" she asks.

I shake my head to say that nothing is wrong, but she only gives me a look. She knows that I'm lying. I stare back at her stormy blue-grey eyes, as I try to come up with an answer. As I stare back at her, I see the beginning of a fire in her eyes that I haven't seen in some time. I smile, as I look at her.

"Tobias, what?" she tries again.

"Nothing," I say. "Just admiring."

At least, that isn't a lie.

"That's bullshit," she says, rolling her eyes.

"No, it's not." I push her hair behind her ear, allowing my hand to linger on her cheek or a moment. "There's something different about you."

"Good, different?"

"Yes, very good," I smile.

"Well, what is it?" she asks.

 _That's a good question,_ I think to myself.

I cannot even begin to think of a way to explain it to her. I'm not sure she would understand if I told her that I can see this fire within her. I saw it even before she saw me. I watched it flicker throughout the years, but it never died. It grew when I found her in the alley and she finally stood up for herself.

At some point, between her brother abandoning her and Marlene committing suicide, I watched it die completely. And now, watching it slowly come back is truly mesmerizing. But I couldn't possibly explain all of that to her, at least not now.

"I can't explain it," I say finally. "You look stronger."

"Stronger?" She raises an eyebrow at this. "You think so?"

"Of course." I decide to try out one of Amar's most commonly used phrases. "You look tough as nails."

She snorts, and I can't help but smile as well. My eyes focus on her mouth, as she bites her lip. She must realize it, as she starts pulling me toward her, and I gladly let her. I rest my forehead against hers before brushing my lips against hers. She presses her lips to mine more insistently, as I snake my arms around her waist. I truly believe that I could spend hours kissing her and never get tired of it.

I start to pull away when I hear the sound of someone walking in our direction, but apparently I don't pull away soon enough.

"No PDA," Harrison announces, as he walks past us without even giving us a second look.

Neither of us say anything, as we watch him walk away. I simply look back at Tris who looks as if she has tasted something sour. She waits until he is out of earshot before she sighs and mumbles.

"God, I hate him."

* * *

It almost seems like we ended up in a circle without even really meaning to. I look around at my friends, as they sit in a circle on the floor of Zeke's living room, talking and laughing. Actually laughing. I can't help but smile, as I look around. It almost seems normal, like nothing ever happened. I look at Tris who is lying next to me on her stomach. She is also looking from person to person with a smile on her face, and I have a feeling that she is having the same thought as me.

Though he is not as animated as he used to be, Uriah is telling jokes to which Christina is laughing the hardest while Zeke simply rolls his eyes. Shauna is resting her head on his shoulder with a calm smile on her face. Lynn is also lying on her stomach on Tris' other side, watching us, though she doesn't look miserable which is a welcome change. I watch, as Tris turns her head to look at Lynn. She says something quietly, and Lynn reluctantly responds until they have begun their own separate conversation.

"So, guys," Shauna says moments later, as she lifts her head off of Zeke's shoulder. "I was gonna wait to say this, but I'm kinda tired of waiting, so... I'm officially going to college!"

"I don't think that was ever a question," Christina comments.

"As am I," Zeke says with a smile.

" _That_ is who I was worried about," Uriah says with a smirk.

Zeke glares at Uriah, as Christina giggles and elbows him playfully. He smiles back at her, unaware of the look his brother is giving him.

"Where did you guys decide on?" Tris asks, making Zeke look up again.

"I just got my letter today," Shauna grins. "And so did Zeke. From Chicago State University. We both got a scholarship!"

I watch Shauna and Zeke smile at each other proudly, as everyone congratulates them. Well, everyone except for Lynn, probably because she already knew about this.

"So, college parties everyday!" Zeke announces before grinning at me. "Or we could party at Four's apartment so we don't get busted!"

"In your dreams," I say, rolling my eyes.

Zeke grins at me before going on to talk about the college and its athletic program and how we will all have to come to one of his games. But I find myself unable to focus, as I can sense that someone is looking at me. I look to my side only to see Tris staring up at me with a strange expression. She looks away before I can even say anything.

* * *

"Where are you going?"

I turn around, as Tris walks into the kitchen with a throw blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

After talking for a while, we all decided to watch a movie. One movie turned into another. And eventually, everyone was asleep either on the floor or on the couches. Except for me, of course. I thought that Tris was asleep as well, but I guess she was just closing her eyes since she followed me in here so quickly.

"What do you mean?" I ask, as she walks toward me until we are only inches apart.

"Where are you going after you graduate?" she nearly whispers. "You didn't say anything when Zeke and Shauna were talking about it."

I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her towards me, but she doesn't return the embrace. I can tell that she is upset about something, but I know that she will only get more upset if I don't answer.

"Olive-Harvey College," I tell her. "I'm only going for two years though, unlike them."

"Two years is a long time," she mumbles almost inaudibly.

I bring one of my hands up to tilt her chin up so that she is looking at me.

"And ten minutes is not a long drive," I say, smiling at her. But she doesn't smile back. "Why is this upsetting you all of a sudden?"

"I guess I just hadn't really thought about it until tonight." She sighs. "You're gonna go off to college, and I'm still gonna be in high school, and-"

"And you'll still be the girl I want to be with," I cut in.

"You think that. But two years is a long time, and you're going to be meeting people who are at the same level as you, and better-"

"Better at what, exactly?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Just better."

"I need you to listen to me." She looks up at me, almost curiously, as I tuck her hair behind her ear. "I've already told you that I don't care about the age difference. I don't care how far apart we are or how many new people I meet. You will always be the one for me. I'm not changing my mind, remember?"

She nods her head slowly, but I can tell by the sight of her glassy eyes that she is still finding it hard to believe me. Without saying a word, she lowers her head until her forehead is resting on my chest. I run one of my hands over her hair, as the other stays around her waist. Finally, she wraps one of her arms around my waist as well, her slim fingers worrying over the fabric of my shirt.

"I'll prove it to you."

"What?" she says into my chest.

"I'll prove it to you," I say again. "I know you don't believe me."

"I want to believe you," she mutters.

"Then believe me." I press my lips to the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

After what feels like hours, she lifts her head off of my chest and looks up at me. As I stare back at her glassy eyes, I find myself unable to understand why she still doubts how much she means to me after everything that has happened. But I know better than to question it further.

Instead, I lean down to press my lips against hers, and luckily, she kisses me back almost instantly. The entire time, all I can do is hope that everything I feel for her is being conveyed, as I kiss her. She pulls away moments later when she hears someone talking in the other room. I suppose everyone else is just starting to wake up. She looks around to make sure none of them have made their way in here before she looks back at me. She takes a step back and wraps the blanket tighter around her body.

"I hope you're right," she says quietly before walking back into the living room.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Lynn asks, as she looks around my room.

"Completely," I reassure her. "Tori is fine with it."

"Uhm... Okay." She shrugs. "Well, what exactly am I supposed to paint?"

"Anything you want."

She gives me an odd look before looking down at the various paints and art supplies on the floor. After Tori showed me her drawings, an idea came into my mind. Because she could no longer draw as much as she used to, I proposed that we use the house as a canvas so that she could not only draw whenever she pleases, but she would always be able to see the art everyday. She told me that she had had the idea when she first moved in, but she was afraid that people would find it ridiculous. She then joked about how different it would be to draw on walls rather than skin before she finally agreed to it.

She even took it one step further to suggest that I have my friends help me with my room. Though Lynn is quiet, I knew that she was more artistic than the rest. And I also knew that she has been having trouble coping with Marlene's death, so I invited her first. Lynn looks up at the wall above my bed where Tori painted the same black and white hawk that she has tattooed on her back. I asked for it specifically.

On the opposite wall, I painted two hands holding onto each other, one higher, as if it is helping the other one up. I also painted the same symbol in Tori's room. I told her that, to me, it symbolized how selfless she had been to help me and guide me when there was nothing in it for her. She loved the idea and asked me to paint it on the wall across from her bed so that it would be the first thing she would see when she wakes. That's where I have it in my room as well.

"Anything that means something to you," I try again, as Lynn examines the hawk.

She looks back at me. Though she is always stone-faced, I can see a hint of sadness in her eyes. She picks up one of the paint brushes.

"Where?" she asks.

"Anywhere you want," I tell her.

She nods and sighs heavily before pouring out some blue paint onto the palette that Tori let me borrow. I watch her wordlessly, as she dips the brush into the paint and walks over to the bare wall on the side of my room. Her hand moves easily, as she begins to create something that I recognize quickly. Moments later, I realize that she has painted a large blue eyes that covers about a quarter of the wall. As she carefully draws the eyelashes, I take a step closer to her and look at it.

"That's beautiful."

When she finally finishes, she turns away and puts the paint brush down on top of the palette before finally looking at me.

"It was her favorite thing to draw," she says, and I feel a twinge of sadness at her tone. She looks at the painting and speaks to it instead of me. "She was smarter than people realized, you know. She was always really aware of everything."

"She seemed it."

"She used to draw this on my hand sometimes," she continues, gesturing toward the eye. "And she said, 'It makes me feel like I know everything. Like I can see you even when you're not around.' And the crazy part is, whenever she drew it on me, I really did feel like she could see me. She was so smart and so... knowing that when she drew this on me, I always felt like she knew what I was doing even when she wasn't around. I don't know. Maybe now that it's here, maybe you'll feel like she's here with you too."

She looks at me for a moment, but I find myself unable to come up with a response. She doesn't seem to care, as she looks back at the painting. So, I do the same. We simply stand there for a moment, taking comfort in each other's presence. And for the first time since her death, I feel as if I am taking comfort in Marlene's presence, too.


	24. Chapter 24

**So I've been trying not to give shoutouts or message people back when they review, but I can't help it! You guys are all so kind, and a 'thank you for your feedback' doesn't feel like enough, so I've decided to do what some authors do which is just thank whoever reviewed in the authors note!**

 **Thank you to Guest & Guest (haha) as well as ****mosuzmartian, citizensg1, and** **Crazygirl91** **for all your love and support! And thank you to** **Sawyerrr for your comment, because that is actually exactly what I was trying to do, and I'm so glad that's how it came across for you!**

 **Life is pretty crazy for me right now, but I'm really trying to update as fast as possible. Thanks for hanging in there and being patient with me. I hope you guys like this chapter, let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Since last week, Lynn painted the eye, and Uriah and Christina came together the next day. Uriah recognized the eye immediately, and he ended up staring at it for a while before he ventured to paint something himself. Finally, he decided on a leafy tree, which he painted on the same wall as the eye. When I asked him why, he said that he was inspired by Lynn's painting.

He said that the tree represented his first memory with Marlene. He said that when he was young, he liked to climb the trees during recess when the teachers weren't paying attention. One day, he lost his footing and fell. Just as he began to panic, a blonde girl came over and sat next to him. He knew that her name was Marlene, but he had never talked to her before this. Still, she sat there with him and kept him calm while they waited for one of the other kids to get a teacher. She even got him to smile through the pain.

Every day after that, she would check up on him and sit with him at recess because he couldn't run around or climb until he was better. It was her kindness that drew him to her. He says that is why they stayed friends for all these years, and that is why he will never forget her.

Christina, on the other hand, drew something that she used to talk to Will about. I could tell that Uriah was a bit jealous when she explained it, but he didn't say anything. She painted- or tried to paint- a black and white balance.

When Will and Christina first started dating, he refused to tell his family at first. When he spent time with her, he would lie about where he was. When he came back smelling like cigarettes, he would say that he stood too close to a smoker at the bus stop. She already hated lying to begin with, so she hated having a boyfriend who lied about her.

He would always argue that it may be difficult to maintain the lie, but it was easier than explaining the relationship to his family. He said that the stress of lying was easier to handle if it meant keeping his home life balanced. Christina would argue that his life would never be balanced until he learned to tell the truth. He told her that it wasn't as black and white as she made it seem.

"It's always black and white," she had said. "Grey doesn't exist."

It's strange to me how I have learned more about my friends from simple illustrations than I have learned in all of my time with them.

"I don't know about you," Tobias says when I finish explaining everything, "but I like this way better than your old room."

I give him a questioning look, as his eyes scan the room. After the support group meeting, I asked him to come over since he hasn't had a chance to come over to paint anything yet.

"You only saw my old room when it was all packed up," I remind him.

"Still. It was so plain... Not like you at all." I blush at the implication of his words, but he doesn't seem to notice. "Reminded me of my room from when I was younger."

He stares off into space for a moment, and his eyes seem even darker than usual. The look instills a strange painful feeling in me. I remember when we were first getting to know each other, when he mentioned that his father was in jail. It was a simple nod of Tobias' head that made me understand what his father had done to get there. We haven't talked about it since, and it feels as if that conversation was years ago. I reach for his hand, and he tenses up for a moment before his body relaxes, and his eyes meet mine.

"Tobias..." I breathe out, still unsure of whether or not this is the time to start this conversation.

He decides for me.

"I should get started if we want to get over to Zeke's," he says, faking a smile.

I let out a sigh, as he squeezes my hand a bit before letting me go. I watch him wordlessly, as he picks up a paintbrush. Shame begins to settle within me, as I sit down on the side of my bed. My fingers begin to fiddle with the end of my sleeve. This time, I don't look up to see what he is painting. Instead, I stare down at my hands, as I wait. The entire time, I cannot help but feel ashamed of myself for my selfishness. For being so wrapped up in myself that it has taken me this long to even think about what he might have gone through.

I'm not sure how much time passes when he sits down next to me. I look up at him, and he smiles a bit before wrapping his arm around my waist. I stare back at him, unsure of what to say until he glances past me and raises an eyebrow at me questioningly.

"Are you gonna look?" he asks.

"Oh, yeah," I say, shaking my head a bit as if that will stop the thoughts.

I turn my head to see that he has painted orange and red fire that completely takes up the back of my door. Though it is interesting to me, I realize quickly that I have no idea what it means.

"Sorry," he says, making me look at him again. "I'm not much of an artist."

"No, I like it," I reassure him. "I'm just not sure why you chose fire."

He smiles a little again, as he stares back at me.

"Well, you did something for Tori, Uriah and Lynn did something for Marlene, and Christina did something for her past boyfriend," he says. "So I did something for you."

"I don't understand."

"It's what I see in you." He takes a deep breath and rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. "Before I even knew you, I knew that you'd been through a lot. But truth be told, I always admired you. Most people let things like that destroy them and break them. Myself included. But not you. No matter what, every time I saw you, it was almost like I could see fire in your eyes. Every time you looked at me, I could see how brave you were, and it made me feel brave too.

"Between everything that happened with... you know, your brother and Marlene." He pauses, as if he is afraid that the words will set me off. "For a while, I thought it went out. But now, I can see it again, and I can see it getting stronger just like you. I just want you to know that it's there. Even if you can't see it, I can. And I never want it to go out again."

There is silence for a moment, as I bite my lip, and he stares back at me, waiting for a response.

"God, no wonder you're so quiet."

"What?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"There's a lot going on in your mind, isn't there?" He rolls his eyes and chuckles softly. "Seriously though, that's really amazing."

"I'm glad you like you it," he says, before placing a kiss on my forehead.

The room goes silent, as I consider saying something. I know that I should just accept this moment for what it is. I should just appreciate what he has said. Still, I know that if I say nothing, the thought will continue to eat away at me.

"What about you?" I ask so quietly that, for a moment, I wonder if he even heard me.

"What _about_ me?"

"I mean, what you said earlier. You said people let things break them, and that you were one of them." He looks away, and I can feel his arm loosen around my waist, but I lean against him to stop him. "Does it have to do with your father?"

He seems to stiffen at this.

"Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden?"

"I don't think it's very sudden. We've known each other for a while now. We've been _together_ for a while." He looks away, but I decide to use one of his tricks. I bring my hand to his cheek and turn his head so that he has to look at me, though his expression tells me that he would rather be talking about anything else. "It seems like you know just about everything about me. There's still so much about you that I don't know."

The stern look on his face starts to dissolve a bit, and he lets out a sigh. This time, I don't make him look at me when he looks away.

"You're right," he sighs. "And I promise I will tell you. Just not now, okay?"

I nod my head hesitantly, knowing that this is the best answer I will get. I know that he will get upset if I continue to press him further. But more importantly, I know that he will keep his promise. He stares at me for a moment, the beginning of a smile on his lips, before he takes my hand in his and starts leaning into me. His lips brush against mine, and I breathe in anticipation.

"None of that matters now anyway," he says quietly just before our lips meet.

A familiar warmth spreads through my body, as I move my hands to rest on his chest, and he grasps my waist. As he kisses me, his words echo in my mind. And I find myself thinking of both Peter and Eric. How it never felt like this when they kissed me. Kissing always felt like it was an obligation. I thought it always would. But when I kiss Tobias, it doesn't feel that way at all. It feels like pure bliss, like a momentary escape from any trouble around us. It makes me feel like I don't have to fear the past anymore. And as he kisses me, I realize that he is right.

None of that matters anymore.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"So, tell us about this job," Christina says to Tris, as she leans against Uriah.

Tris told me about her new job when I went with her to Tori's house. In fact, Tori is the one who helped her get the job. She told me that she only mentioned it to Christina in a text, but she hasn't told anyone else.

And I know for a fact that I am the only one she told about Tori's past. It was surprising to hear, but I suppose I should have expected it. Even the most seemingly put together people can have the most terrible secrets.

"I'm basically just a receptionist," Tris says, shrugging her shoulders. "It's nothing exciting."

"You know, when you said you were working in a tattoo shop, I expected something more interesting," Christina says with a smirk. "Like, maybe you were in the process of becoming some bad ass tattoo artist."

"Sorry to disappoint," she replies, rolling her eyes.

"Don't worry, Tris," Uriah chimes in. "You're still bad ass, even if you're not tattooing people!"

"Thanks, Uri," she chuckles.

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me with the owner," Lynn says suddenly.

We all seem to look at her simultaneously since she hasn't really been adding to our conversations much lately, but she doesn't pay attention to us.

"You want to be a tattoo artist?" Tris asks.

"Maybe." The corners of her lips turn up into the beginning of a smirk, as she shrugs. "I've thought about it."

"Now, Lynn would be a bad ass tattoo artist!" Uriah pipes in out of nowhere. "She'd be all 'sit down and shut up'-"

"Shut up, Uriah," Lynn grumbles.

"Yeah, just like that!"

"Well, whatever," Christina cuts in. "Now you'll have plenty of money to go shopping with me!"

"Oh, great," Tris says, rolling her eyes.

The entire group falls into an easy conversation for a while. Surprisingly, Lynn even joins in sometimes. I look down at Tris, as she rests her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arm around her waist. As I look around at everybody talking, my eyes land on Shauna, as she smiles at me knowingly. I roll my eyes at her and look away before she can make a comment.

"All right, enough chit chat," Zeke exclaims minutes later. "It's time to do what we came here to do!"

"Do we really have to play Candor or Dauntless?" Lynn asks tiredly.

"Of course we do! We haven't played in... I don't know, a while!"

Lynn rolls her eyes, but Zeke begins before she can say anything more. I begin to wonder what this game will be like. After all, after Marlene's death, Zeke decided that every Friday night gathering would be sober for the rest of his high school career. Which is only a couple more months. Of course, I'm used to staying sober, but I was worried that my friends would find it difficult to have fun without alcohol, but it seems that they are all having fun despite the lack of alcohol.

I feel Tris moving before I hear the sound of her laughter, and I look up only to realize that Zeke dared Uriah to put a handful of ice cubes in his pants. I feel her shoulders shaking with laughter against me, as he squeals dramatically and shakes the water droplets off his hand. Once everyone has calmed down, including Uriah, the game continues. He hums inquisitively, as if he is trying to figure out who he will pick next, until his eyes finally land on me, and I groan inwardly.

"Four, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Candor, I guess," I reply, knowing that Uriah has probably been waiting to dish out the most ridiculous dares he could come up with.

"Okay, so if someone offered you five million dollars to switch girlfriends with one of your friends, who would you switch with?"

"Wait, why are you assuming I would accept the offer in the first place?" I ask, giving him a look.

"Because it's five million dollars!" he yells, raising his hands as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Still no." I tighten my arm around Tris' waist, hoping that nobody else noticed. "I wouldn't take it."

"Well, wait, hold on." I look down, surprised, as Tris sits up straighter. "For how long? Like a day?"

"Tris, does it matter?"

"Maybe like a month," Uriah suggests, ignoring me. He turns to Christina. "What do you think?"

"A week," Christina says. "Five million dollars if you switch for a week."

"I mean, that's a lot of money..." Tris says quietly.

"No," I groan. "Still no."

Christina smirks at me, as Tris shrugs and drops her head back onto my shoulder. Luckily, they don't press it any further. The game goes on for a couple more rounds before it gets to Zeke again. He grins, as his eyes land on Shauna.

"Shauna, my dear," he says dramatically. "Candor or Dauntless?"

"Candor!" she grins.

"Perfect!"

She furrows her eyebrows at him, as he springs up and nearly leaps over Lynn to run into the kitchen. I look around and see that everyone else seems just as confused as me. That is, until my eyes land on Uriah who is grinning, as he stares after his brother.

A moment later, Zeke runs back in with a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a grin on his face, and stops in the middle of the circle. Shauna stares up at him, confused, as he takes a deep breath.

"Okay, here's my question," he sighs. "Shauna, will you go to Prom with me?"

Both Shauna and Christina gasp at the same time, but Shauna doesn't seem to notice, as she grins up at Zeke. She giggles, as she stands up and takes the flowers out of his hands.

"You're ridiculous!" she exclaims.

"Is that a yes?" he asks with a grin.

She rolls her eyes before nodding her head at him. As she hugs him, Christina starts going on about how cute they are, as Uriah goes on about how he knew, and he actually managed to keep a secret. I roll my eyes, though I can't help but feel happy for my friends, as they embrace each other for a moment before returning to their seats on the ground.

As Christina and Shauna chatter on about how pretty the flowers are and how she will have to start looking for a dress soon, I can't help but think that maybe things are finally going back to normal. I can't help but think that maybe things will finally be okay.

But I also know that that is wishful thinking.

* * *

Math as my first period would have been unbearable if I didn't have Shauna with me. At some point, we are given worksheets and told to work with the person next to us. In our case, that means that I am doing the work while Shauna looks at my paper for the answers.

"So he really didn't say anything?" Shauna asks.

"I didn't know a thing," I tell her. "I'm pretty impressed actually. I never knew Zeke could keep a secret."

"Me neither." She grins down at her worksheet. "I have to be honest. I was really hoping for a cute prom-posal."

"Well, I'm glad you got one," I mutter.

She giggles, and I smile a little, as she looks at my paper again. Though I may not be squealing with excitement like Christina, I really am happy for the both of them. After all, I've been around since the shaky beginning of their relationship. Though I don't really show it much, it makes me happy to see my two best friends so happy together.

"Can I ask you something, Four?"

I glance at her paper. "Number ten is 28.93."

"That's not what I was going to ask, but thank you," she says, as she scribbles down the answer. "I was going to say... Are you going to ask her?"

"What?" I decide to play dumb even though I'm fairly certain that I know exactly what she is talking about.

"Are you going to ask her?" she asks again, smiling at me knowingly. "Will she be at Prom with us?"

"If you bring her, then sure, she'll be there."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asks, tilting her head.

"That means, I didn't plan on asking her, since I wasn't planning on going to Prom myself."

"Four!" she says so loudly that the students at the desks around ours look back at us. "You can't just not go to your senior Prom! Especially now that you have a girlfriend!"

"Well, if she wants me to take her to her Prom when the time comes, then I will. We don't need to go to mine, too."

"That makes no sense," she groans.

"Sure it does," I shrug. "Besides I'm sure she's got more to worry about than going to Prom."

"And what, you think we don't?"

I look up at her, only to see her staring back at me. It seems like my words actually upset her, and I can't help but feel a little guilty.

"Shauna, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, I know what you meant." She looks at me for a moment before she looks down and keeps working. "Look, I'm not searching for dresses and freaking out about corsages because I don't have anything better to do. I know there's a _lot_ to worry about right now. But if I can forget about all of it and just be happy for a minute, then I don't think there's anything wrong with taking advantage of that."

"You're right," I tell her, making her glance up at me. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she sighs, as she puts down her pencil and looks at me. "I just really think you should consider it. I know that Tris is going through a lot right now. Maybe this would be the perfect distraction for her, too."

"Yeah, maybe," I mutter, as I consider it.

"I'll find out which flowers she likes," she says with a smile, "while you think about it."

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

When Wednesday morning comes, I get to the school early to meet with Tris. I smile at her nervously as she comes in, knowing that she might not take well to what I am about to tell her. She stares back at me for a moment, as she sits down on the piano bench next to me and drops her bag on the ground.

"Okay," she says finally. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "You just look... ravishing today."

"Uriah."

"Okay, fine," I sigh. "So, I may or may not have signed us up for something."

"What would that _something_ be?" she asks slowly.

"It's no big deal," I say, putting my hands up defensively. "It's just this thing where... talented people go up on a stage and-"

"A talent show?" she cuts in. "Are you kidding?"

"Okay, hear me out-"

"I'm not doing that." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm going up in front of people like that. Don't you remember how long it took to share any of my songs just with you?"

"But you did, didn't you?" I retort.

She rolls her eyes, as I stare at her expectantly. She shakes her head at me again, though she doesn't say anything for a while.

"Come on, why not?" I ask finally. "You think they won't like your voice or something?"

"Something like that," she mutters.

"First of all, I like your voice," I say, nudging her. "And even if they don't like your voice, who cares? It's not about what your voice sounds like. It's about having something to say. And if there's anything I've learned from our practices, it's that you have a _lot_ to say."

She looks away for a moment, as if she is thinking about it, before she shakes her head again and sighs.

"Uriah..."

"Just think about it, okay?"

She sighs heavily and looks at me for a moment before nodding her head hesitantly.

"Okay." She rolls her eyes. "I'll think about it."

I smile at her, and she sighs before she pulls her notebook out of her bag and props it up in front of us like always.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Music fills the air as well as the sound of two distant male voices, as Bud makes small talk with the man he is about to tattoo in the other room. A moment later, the sound of the tattoo machine fills the air as well.

Although today is only my second day, I can't help but think that I could definitely get used to this. There's something comforting about sound of the tattoo machine. And Bud is as talkative and friendly as Tori said he would be. Even the people who come in to get tattoos or piercings are fairly friendly.

Though I know that I shouldn't get so attached to a job on only my second day, I still can't help but think about how much better this job is than the job I used to have before I was reported and had to go to the hospital. Caleb felt that it would be wrong for me to have a job after that because it would be too much added stress. As opposed to Tori who felt that working would be a great way to help me grow.

At some point, I hear the door open. I look up, preparing myself to greet whoever it is. Only, the words stick to my lips, as my eyes meet theirs. I feel as if my heart has stopped. The music around me turns from vibrant sound to a dull hum. As I stare back at him, his lips curl into a smirk. And when he speaks, I feel chills run down my spine.

"Miss me?"

* * *

I bite my lip, as I lean back against the lockers. I can see the anger in Tobias' eyes growing, as he takes in what I have just told him. I remember the time I told him that I ran into Peter and Eric on the street, the way that his entire body tensed up with anger, and he tried to storm off, as if he was planning to hunt them down right then and there. For a moment, I worry that he is really going to do it this time. Just as I am about to say something to bring him back to reality, he takes a deep breath and looks at me.

"You're telling me the truth, right?" he mutters. "He didn't do anything to you?"

"No, he didn't do anything," I sigh, as I reach for his hand with hope that it will calm him. "He just... knows where I work now. Which is worse because now he _can_ do something whenever he wants."

His jaw clenches, and his free hand curls up into a fist and opens up again.

"Did you tell Bud?"

"No... I didn't say anything."

"Why not?" he asks angrily.

"What was I going to say?" I snap. "If he didn't do anything, Bud wouldn't have a reason to do anything!"

He looks frustrated still, but I can tell by his lack of response that he knows I am right. I watch him wordlessly, as he looks around, deep in thought. Finally, moments later, he looks at me and squeezes my hand a bit.

"Well, then we have to make sure you're ready," he says.

His words give me chills, though I'm not sure why. After all, this is exactly why we started training in the first place, so that I would be ready if something happened. Still, for all this time, that's what it felt like: just training. The thought of actually having to use what I have learned terrifies me more than I could explain, but he seems to have figured that out from the look on my face.

As he takes in the fear clearly written on my face, the anger starts to dissolve slowly from his, replaced by concern. He brushes my hair back with his free hand before taking my other hand.

"Unless you want me to come and get you after work every day," he adds.

"No, no that's-"

"And I had a feeling you wouldn't want that," he says, smiling just the slightest bit. "Do you know why?"

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I know how strong you are. And I know that you don't like being taken care of. Especially after what happened last time, I know you would rather take care of this yourself."

"Yeah, but I'd rather not die in the process," I mutter.

I feel a bit guilty, as he looks at me with a pained expression, but he composes himself quickly.

"You're not going to die," he says. "You're going to be brave. When the time comes-"

"If," I cut in, giving him a look.

" _If_ the time comes, we're going to make sure that you know how to handle it. You're going to be all right."

I nod my head hesitantly, though my mind is screaming for me to ask him how he could possibly know for sure that I will be okay. Before I can decide if I should ask or not, he has wrapped his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest, as my arms find their way around his waist as well. For a moment, I just stand there, taking comfort in his closeness. Taking comfort in what feels like the calm before the storm.


	25. Chapter 25

**TRIGGER WARNING : Throughout the story, there have been multiple mentions of abuse and violence, but it is a lot more in this chapter. It is the first part of the chapter, which is in italics so if this is a trigger for you or you'd rather not read it, just skip the italics part!**

 **Okay, thank you to BeatriceEaton46, citizensg1, A Dauntless Selection, Faith O, parten340, and mosuzmartian so much for your feedback and love! This story is SO close to 100 favorites, and I'm so so excited for it to get there. I couldn't do it without you guys, so thanks!**

 **One last side note- there is a dress mentioned in this chapter. If you guys want to see it, let me know and I'll post it on my profile. Okay, I think that's it.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter, let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

 _A gasp escaped my lips, as he slapped me across the face. My back was pressed against the wall, mostly because I didn't trust my shaking legs to support my full weight. I forced myself to look at my attacker. His face was slack with intoxication, and his green eyes were filled with a lazy hatred, as he stared at me._

 _"Peter, please-"_

 _"Fucking whore," he said, bringing his face close to mine so I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Think you can sleep around and I won't find out?"_

 _"Peter, nothing happened! We were just talking!"_

 _I should have known better than to come to a party at Eric's house, Peter's best friend, and talk to another guy. He approached me, but I know Peter wouldn't care if I told him that. He was just being nice, just making conversation but Peter didn't believe that. Even if he was sober, there would be no point in trying to convince him. So, I let him pull me off to an empty room, knowing it would only be worse if I resisted._

 _He glared at me for a moment, as a tense silence grew around us. I stood there, breathing heavily with fear, as I waited for him to strike me. To curse at me. To push me to the ground. But he didn't do any of that. Instead, he kissed me roughly, the combination of his force and the heavy taste of alcohol making me sick to my stomach. He kissed me roughly for a moment, but I never kissed him back. That was my second mistake._

 _He pulled away abruptly and glared at me again._

 _"Think you're too good for me now?"_

 _"No," I croaked._

 _"You're nothing," he muttered. I felt my jaw clench, as he chuckled. "You're fucking trash. And nobody else is ever going to want you. You know that, don't you?"_

 _"Peter..." I whispered, wishing he would stop._

 _"And you act like you're too good for me."_

 _Any hint of humor left his face, and I braced myself. I gasped again, as he pushed me to the ground this time, the impact knocking the air out of my lungs. I yelped, as he kicked me in the stomach. I curled up on the ground, as pain radiated through my body, and he stared down at me with a look that could only be described as disgust._

 _"You act like a fucking stiff all this time," he muttered. "And you think you can go fucking around with other guys?"_

 _Stiff. That's what Peter called me when he found out that I was scared to have sex with him. He said that "prude" was too nice a word for me._

 _I yelped again, as his foot collided with my stomach again. He knelt down next to me and pushed me onto my back, the sudden movement causing me to cry out._

 _"Peter please," I found myself begging, as he stared down at me. "Please."_

 _He raised his hand to hit me again. As it came down, my vision became spotted. Until finally, everything went black._

* * *

I breathe shakily, as I tug at the end of my sleeve. My eyes travel from the silent clock above the door to the small zen garden on the table next to my chair. Everything is quiet for a moment, as I sniffle and move to lightly push the rake through the sand of the zen garden. I can sense Doctor Reyes' eyes on me, but I find myself unable to look at her.

"You can say something," I mutter, still looking down.

"Do you have these nightmares often?" she asks softly.

"Often enough." There is silence for a moment again. I look up at her, as she nods slowly. "He knows where I work now."

"Your ex-boyfriend?" she asks.

"Yeah," I sigh. "His best friend, Eric, came in to get a new piercing, and... Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" she says, raising an eyebrow.

"I guess not," I mutter.

"You know, Tris, some people have nightmares about monsters and ghosts," she says vaguely, as she abandons the notepad in her hands. "I would bet that if monsters and ghosts started to appear in their daily life, they would see it as a big deal."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"It means that it's okay to be scared when the people you see in your nightmares start to appear in real life," she explains. "It's scary. And admitting that doesn't make you weak."

"It feels like it does," is all I can bring myself to say.

* * *

"You okay, kid?"

I jump, as Bud's voice nearly breaks me out of a trance. I find myself hoping that I will not get in trouble for spacing out on the clock, as I look around. Bud walks past me with a concerned look on his face, and I fake a smile at him.

"Yeah," I say, shaking my head a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to... I was just thinking."

"Don't worry about it," he says, as he leans against the counter and looks at me. "Listen, Tori told me about some of the stuff you've been dealing with. I don't blame you for _thinking_ every now and then." I laugh a bit, as he smiles back at me. "If you need anything, just let me know."

"Okay," I say, nodding my head at him. "Thanks, Bud."

"Any time," he replied, as he looked around at the empty store and sighed. "Well, your shift is just about over. And it doesn't look like anybody is gonna need help for a while. You can head home, if you want."

"You sure?" I ask him.

He simply nods at me, and we say goodbye to each other before he goes back into the other room, and I gather my things. I pull my bag onto my shoulder, as I let myself out the front door. But I stop in front of the door, as I realize that somebody is waiting on the sidewalk at the bottom of the steps. I raise an eyebrow at Tobias, as he stands there, holding his hands behind his back.

"I thought I told you not to pick me up after work," I say, as I walk down a couple of the steps.

I stop on the last step so that I am eye to eye with him, and he smiles at me.

"That's not why I'm here," he says.

"Then why are you here?"

"Maybe I wanted to ask you something," he says vaguely.

"Well, then ask before I get bored and leave," I smirk at him.

He smirks back at me, as he takes his hands out from behind his back. I look down and see a rose in his hand, and I look at him curiously, as he smiles back at me. He takes my hand in his free one.

"Still bored?"

"What is that for?" I ask, ignoring his question.

He glances down at the rose in his hands before his eyes meet mine again.

"It's for you," he says, and I can tell that he is nervous though he is trying to act like he is not. "If you'll go to Prom with me."

I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling, as he looks at me hopefully. I curl my free hand around the stem of the rose, and I watch his lips curls into a smile again.

"Is that a yes?" he asks.

I nod my head at him wordlessly, and his smile grows. He lets go of my hand so that he can wrap his arm around my waist, drawing me closer to him. I bite down on my lip again, as he rests his forehead on mine.

"Who knew _Four_ could be so romantic?" I whisper teasingly.

"Oh god," he groans. "Please don't call me that."

"Fine," I smirk, as I bring my hand to his cheek. "Tobias."

He smiles again before closing the small amount of space between us and pressing his lips to mine. As I kiss him back, I momentarily forget all of horrible thoughts that have been plaguing my mind. For a moment, I just feel like a normal girl, reveling in a romantic Prom proposal as if nothing else matters in the world.

"Come on," he says once we have separated. "I'll drive you home."

He takes my hand, and I hold the rose in my other hand, as we walk toward his car which is parked on the street only a few feet away. He opens up the passenger door for me, but he gently grabs my arm before I can get in, and I look at him curiously.

"What?" I ask, as he stares back at me.

"Nothing, I just..." He stares at me for a moment before shaking his head and letting go of my arm. "Nothing. Nevermind."

He fakes a smile and starts walking around the car to his side before I can say anything. The entire time, and even for the duration of the car ride, I can't help but wonder what he was going to say.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I almost said it.

Now, I can't help but feel relieved that I stopped myself. After all, I don't want to do or say anything that would scare her away. I am constantly terrified of somehow ruining things with her. Still, this is all new to me. She is the only person that I have ever felt this way toward, and she is certainly the only person I have ever pursued a relationship with. Unfortunately, because of that, I have no idea how long I'm supposed to wait before I say it.

I thought that it would be the perfect time to tell her. But when it actually came to it, when she was standing right in front of me, my nerves overcame me.

"Okay, what's going on?" Zeke asks, as he drops his game controller. "You're, like, more quiet than usual."

"Nothing," I mutter, as I put my controller down as well.

"The man said 'nothing'," Uriah shrugs, grabbing one of the controllers before Zeke can stop him.

Uriah starts up a one-player level, and Zeke rolls his eyes at him before turning to look at me.

"Come on, man," he tries again. "You're my best friend. I can tell when you're not okay."

"It's because he asked Tris to Prom," Uriah says, his eyes glued to the television screen. "It's too much emotion for him to handle. He's shutting down! Quick, Zeke, press his restart button!"

"Would you shut up!" Zeke yells, throwing a pillow at Uriah. He sighs, as he turns back to me again. "What is it?"

I take a deep breath, knowing that he isn't going to leave me alone until I tell him at least some of it.

"It is about Tris actually," I mutter. "When I asked her to go to Prom with me, I almost..."

"Almost what?"

"I almost said it. You know..."

"The _L_ word," he smirks at me.

"Yes," I groan. "That."

"Holy shit, you can't even say the word. Maybe you _are_ a robot!" Even Uriah laughs at this, as I glare at him. "I'm sorry. It's not funny. But it is, it's kinda funny, you have to admit-"

"It's so good to have such supportive friends," I grumble.

"Look, Four," he says, still chuckling a little. "There's nothing wrong with it, okay? Me and Shauna say it all the time."

"Yeah, I know, but she's different," I sigh, as I run a hand through my hair. " _I'm_ different. I don't take stuff like that lightly, and I know she doesn't either. I don't want her to freak out or anything."

"She's not gonna freak out," Uriah says out of nowhere, still staring at the screen. "She likes you a lot, Four."

"Yeah, but does she... you know, love me?" I say awkwardly.

"Only one way to find out," he says with a smirk.

"Actually, he's got a point," Zeke cuts in. "If it feels right, you kinda just have to go for it. I'm not saying it's not scary, it is. But honestly, I highly doubt that Tris will freak out if you tell her. You know, everybody can tell just by the way you guys look at each other. You-"

"The way you guys look at each other," Uriah repeats in a girly voice before returning to his normal voice. "God, my brother sounds like a girl!"

"Shut up, Uriah!"

I roll my eyes, as Zeke picks up the pillow just to throw it at Uriah again. As the two brothers fight, I simply stay seated where I am on the couch, as I think of everything that they said. And as terrifying as it is, I know that they are right. I need to tell her.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

Myra and I wander through the dress section of the store, constantly pointing out our favorite ones. Tris, Shauna, and Lauren are already in the dressing rooms since they are the only ones who actually need dresses, and Lynn stayed with them in case they needed any help.

"I cannot wait for our Prom," Myra nearly whines, as she runs her fingers over one of the dresses.

"I know," I sigh. "They're all so pretty."

"Kinda makes me want to try them on now," she says, her eyes shifting to me.

"Myra, we can't."

"You realize we're waiting for three girls to try on about ten dresses each?" she says, raising an eyebrow at me. "We have more than enough time to try on one!"

She picks up a beautiful red dress with silver jewels and a side slit. She smirks at me, as I carefully take it out of her hands.

"You know me too well."

She giggles, as she starts looking for one for herself. Unfortunately, we are interrupted when Lynn yells for us from across the store. I groan, as I put the dress back on the rack and rush over to her, ignoring the looks that people are giving us probably for being too loud. When we reach the dressing rooms, Lynn simply looks at us and points forward. I look around her to see Tris standing in front of the mirrors. She looks down at her dress, and I admire it as well. The torso is grey, and it leads into the black flowing skirt of the dress. It looks so perfect that I almost end up crying like an overly-proud mother.

"That's..."

"So pretty!" Myra finishes for me, as she walks toward Tris.

Tris looks up at us, as we surround her, and she smiles nervously.

"You think so?" she asks.

"It's perfect on you," I add. "You have to get this one."

Tris smiles at me, but before she can respond, the curtain to one of the other dressing rooms flies open, and Lauren emerges in a tight royal blue dress. Shauna comes out shortly after as well in a red dress similar to the one that Myra picked out for me. As everyone looks around at each other and compliments are thrown back and forth, I find myself looking at Tris. Her eyes are stuck on Lauren, though Lauren doesn't seem to notice.

Eventually, each of the girls decide on a dress, and we decide to go to the food court before calling it a day. As the other girls go off to either sit at the table or buy food, I pull Tris back. She looks at me, confused, and I look at my other friends quickly to make sure that nobody is confused by our absence.

"I need to ask you something," I say.

"What is it?"

"You didn't seem very happy before in the store," I say cautiously. "Do you want to tell me why?"

"Chris..." she sighs.

"I saw you looking at Lauren," I add quietly.

She looks at me for a moment and shrugs her shoulders before glancing over at our friends, who are still busy buying food.

"Well, yeah," she mutters. "She looked great."

"You did too." She rolls her eyes wordlessly. "I'm serious. Aren't you the one who told me that Four calls you beautiful, like, all the time?"

"Yeah, because you forced that information out of me."

"Regardless," I say, as I roll my eyes this time. "It doesn't matter how good Lauren looks. You're gonna look amazing too. And you know that you're the only one Four is gonna be looking at."

"Sometimes I just wonder," she sighs. "Why me, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I mean, how could someone as amazing as him look at me like that?" she says, seemingly ashamed.

"Because you're amazing too," I tell her with a matter-of-fact tone. "Come on, you know I don't lie."

"Yeah, I know."

She rolls her eyes, though she smiles a little at this. I smile back at her, and I feel that emotional happiness returning, as I stare back at her. After everything that has happened, it makes me so happy to see my best friend happy again. Even if things are not like they used to be, at least I know they are getting better.

* * *

 **Caleb POV**

* * *

Every day, I wonder what Beatrice is doing. I was surprised when I woke up, and she was just gone. But I was beyond surprised to hear that one of the counselors from her school took her in. I didn't expect her to find a new home so quickly without my help.

Some days, it feels right, and I can easily justify my actions. Other days, I wonder what I was thinking, and I nearly break down. But I never actually do. Because when that mood comes over me, I remind myself that logically it was the best option for both of us.

"Are you all right, Caleb?" Cara asks, as we get on the elevator together.

"Fine," I reply.

"You're thinking about your sister, aren't you?"

"You know me too well."

She nods her head and lets out a sigh, as we get off the elevator and start walking toward the exit. We are silent for a moment, until we reach her car and she stops and turns to face me.

"May I offer some advice, Caleb?"

"Of course," I say.

"I understand why you told your sister to leave. I understand that the decision was meant to be beneficial for both of you. But I think that the reason you still think about it so often is because you lack closure. You stormed off without saying goodbye, and she left without saying goodbye."

"Maybe, you're right," I sigh.

"You don't have to take her in again," she continues. "But it may help to find her even if it's only to talk things through. Take it from someone who never had closure with her brother and will never be able to."

A strange feeling overcomes me at the thought of never being able to see or talk to Beatrice again for the rest of my life. We may not have the best relationship, but she is still my sister. My only remaining family. While I continually convince myself that I made the right choice logically, I still know that I will not be able to live with myself if I never get the chance to talk to my sister again.

"You're right," I tell her.

She smiles slightly, as she takes my hand and holds it in a comforting manner. I smile back at her as much as I can manage. After a moment has passed, we say goodbye to each other, and I watch her get into her car before I walk off to my own. As I walk, I think about everything she said. I think about Beatrice. I wonder how I am going to find her. More importantly, I wonder if she would even listen if I had the chance to speak to her.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

The air is no longer painfully cold. Instead, it is only slightly cool by now, as Spring sets in. Of course, it doesn't really matter to me since Tris is pressed up against my side, causing a comfortable warmth to radiate through my body. I tighten my arm around her shoulders and turn my head to kiss the top of hers. She wraps her arm around my waist and presses herself even closer to me if that was even possible. I take a deep breath, wishing I could just stay sitting here with her like this. But I know that at some point, I will have to start the conversation.

When I look down at her, she is staring at the lake ahead of us. I figured that the place I showed her in the park would be the perfect place to do this since it's secluded, and she seemed to like it the first time. Eventually, she looks up at me.

"You're quiet," she says.

"I always am," I reply teasingly.

"Yeah, but it doesn't make much sense to tell me you need to talk to me and then sit here quietly."

I sigh, as she sits up, leaving my body unpleasantly cold without hers pressed up against me. She looks at me expectantly, and I realize that I need to talk before I lose my nerve.

"Fine," I say. "I just have some things to tell you."

"Okay," she says.

I guess that she can see my nervousness since she takes my hand a moment later and tries to smile at me encouragingly.

"Just promise you won't leave as soon as I tell you," I mutter.

"Okay..." she says, looking a bit nervous herself now. "What is it?"

I find myself rubbing the back of my neck nervously, as her thumb skims over the back of my other hand.

"Remember that day when I told you about my mother? How she died when I was four?" She nods, signaling me to keep going. "Well, I'm sure you figured out that my father... played a part in it."

"I had a feeling," she nearly whispers.

"Yeah," I sigh, as I run a hand through my hair. "But nobody knew that. Not even me, at first. Everybody thought she just went missing, and my father played along. They found her body months later, but they still didn't know it was him. Only I knew, but he told me if I ever told anyone, he would... kill me too. He started going crazy after that. I don't think he meant to kill her, but since he did, he was scared that someone was going to find out.

"While I was growing up, he just took everything out on me. But he was more careful about it. He would only leave marks on places that my shirt would cover. He kept that up for years. Until one day, he messed up. He got drunk, and..."

I clear my throat, as I try to regain the courage to continue. Not only because I am afraid to tell her the rest, but also because I am afraid to relive it all over again.

"He wasn't careful that day," I say slowly. "I had a black eye when I went to school the next day. When the teachers started asking questions, my reaction to them didn't exactly help. They figured it out pretty quickly. When they finally arrested my father, Amar stepped in and took me in. I barely knew him, but he said that he was a friend of my mother.

"It was different, living with him. It's like I was constantly waiting to get beaten again, every day, but it never happened. Instead, he was always trying to get to know me and help me. One day, I asked him why he cared so much. I didn't believe that he could possibly want to help so much without any other motives. I felt like he was lying to me. I got so mad that day that I ended up punching a wall, and that's when he realized how much pent up anger I had. And the rest... Well, I guess the rest is history. I still have problems with my anger sometimes, but Amar has been helping me control it since the first day he started teaching me."

When I finally gather the courage to look at Tris, I see that her eyes are glassy, and she is biting her lip, as she stares back at me.

"I'm so sorry," she croaks out finally.

"For what?" I ask.

"That you had to go through all of that," she says. "You didn't deserve it."

"Maybe not," I say, though years ago I would have argued that I deserved every second of it. "But it brought me to where I am today. Thank you, by the way."

"For what?" she asks this time.

"I don't know. For not looking at me like a kicked puppy," I shrug. "For not being scared of me."

"Why would I be scared of you?"

"I'm better at controlling my anger than I used to be. But I still have a hard time with it sometimes," I say, unable to look at her now, as I feel shame take over. " _I'm_ scared of me. I don't want to, but I'm afraid that one day, maybe I'll end up..."

"No," she responds. Even though I don't have it in me to finish the sentence, it seems that she knows what I was going to say. "Tobias, you are never going to be like him."

I look at her finally, as she stares back at me with an intense look I can't quite place.

"How can you be so sure?" I ask her.

"Because I know you." She smiles slightly. "And I know that the only people you've even thought about hurting are the people who hurt me first. You would never hurt anyone else. Not your friends. And not me. Nothing could make you hurt me."

I smile just the slightest bit at her, as I use my free hand to brush her hair away from her face. As I stare back at her, it's as if everything that I feel for her begins to overflow. As I take in the soft smile on her lips, the intensity in her eyes, I realize that now is the time. I have to say it now before I change my mind.

"Tris..."

I am cut off, as she leans into me and presses her lips to mine. My mind goes into overdrive. This kiss feels so different from the others we have shared. It feels more emotional, not only because of what I just told her but also because of what I so desperately want to tell her now. By the time she has pulled away, I realize that my nerve has slipped away, and I begin to feel extremely disappointed with myself. But I decide that it is better this way. I don't want to ruin this moment. For now, I just want to enjoy it. I just want to enjoy her.

"Sorry, were you saying something?" she asks teasingly, as she smiles at me.

"Oh." I shake my head and fake a smile before pulling her in for another kiss. "It wasn't important."


	26. Chapter 26

**Hi all! Quick thanks to BeatriceEaton46, A Dauntless Selection, mosuzmartian, Brokenwings35, and lonelygirl702! Thank you guys for your love and support!**

 **Soo posting this chapter is making me really really nervous because I'm not sure what reaction it's going to get but I hope you guys like it anyway... Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It was five months ago today. That's all I can think as I stare at the tombstone. I look at Lynn, who is sitting next to me on the ground, as she stares at it blankly. I'm not entirely sure why she asked me, of all people, to come here with her, but I didn't ask her. Instead, we walked to the cemetery together, mostly in silence. And we have been silent ever since we sat down in front of Marlene's tombstone about a minute ago. I look at the flowers that Lynn got for her. She says they were her favorite, but I have no way of knowing if that's true or not.

I realize that I didn't know the little details of her life, like friends do. I didn't know her favorite flowers, her hobbies, her middle name (though I know now from her tombstone), or anything like that. But what I did know about Marlene felt so much more significant than that. I knew her thought process, the way she felt, the way she smiled when she was upset so that nobody would bother her. She always looked at people, as if she knew something that they didn't. And I realize, it's because she _did_ know something about everyone, including me.

She knew so much about me before I even told her anything. In one of the first conversations we ever had, she figured out my past without me even having to say a word. She was perceptive. She saw everything, just like Lynn said.

"Can I tell you something?" Lynn says more quietly than I've ever heard her speak.

I look at her, as she wrings her hands nervously. On one of her hands, I notice that she has drawn the eye. She painted the eye in my room so that I would feel like Marlene was with me, so I have to guess that she drew it on her hand so that she would have the same feeling. When I look up at her face, I see that her eyes are glassy, though her jaw is clenched so that the tears won't escape.

"Sure," I respond.

There is silence for a moment, as she stares at the tombstone, her expression harsh.

"Don't tell anyone." She glances at me, and I nod in response. "I had a crush on her."

"On Marlene?" I stutter out, surprised.

"Yeah," she sighs. "Nobody knows. Nobody knows that I even, you know, go that way."

"Did Marlene know?"

She glances at me again before looking away and taking a deep breath.

"I don't know," she says, her voice shaking just the slightest bit before she composes herself. "I wrote a note for her because I didn't want to tell her in person. I gave it to her right before New Year's, but... Well, you know what happened on New Year's. Sometimes, I wonder if she did read it, and then she went through with it anyway because she just didn't care about me. Or maybe, she didn't read it at all, so she never knew. I don't really like either of those options."

"I think she read it," I tell her. "But I don't think she went through with it because she didn't care about you. Sometimes, when you get to that point, thinking about the people that care about you is like motivation. You just keep thinking about how you're not good enough for them, how they shouldn't care about you as much as they do."

"Is that why you went out into that storm a while ago?" she asks suddenly. I freeze at the question, mostly since it has been some time since I've even had to think about that night. "Look, things travel fast, especially in this group. I know what happened, but I don't think anybody actually knows why you did it."

"Yes." I feel her eyes on me, as I look down. "I knew how much they all cared about me, but I didn't understand why. I didn't understand why they thought I was so great. Especially Four. It didn't make sense to me that he liked me so much. So I figured, the only way to make him understand that he could find someone better was to get rid of myself completely. Maybe that's what Marlene was thinking, too."

There is silence for a moment, but I still feel her eyes on me. It feels strange, revealing this kind of information to Lynn. Still, I find myself hoping that this information will comfort her in some morbid way, that even in her last moments, Marlene only wanted the best for her.

"That's sick, you know."

I look up, as she stares at me pointedly.

"Yeah." I nod my head a bit. "I know that now."

"You wouldn't do that again, would you?" she asks, sounding more concerned this time.

"No," I say. "Would you?"

She stares at the tombstone for a while, and I feel the silence between us growing more and more tense for a while before she finally shakes her head in response.

"I hope not," she says.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

Tris lets out a soft laugh, as I hold my foot down on the piano pedal and stare down at the keys dramatically, as the sound rings out. After a moment, I let go of the pedal, and the room goes silent for a moment. I look at her with a grin on my face, and surprisingly, she is smiling too.

"You hear that?" I ask, and she raises an eyebrow at me. "That's the sound of us winning that talent show!"

"Uri," she chuckles. "We have like three weeks, I think we can stop practicing this one song now."

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry, I'm just excited!" I say, as I tap some random keys. "I've never done anything like this, you know?"

"Yeah, me neither," she replies, and I can hear the nervousness in her voice.

"It's gonna be awesome," I say with a grin.

"I'm sure it will," she says, as she turns around to look at the clock above the music room entrance. "I should probably get to my locker before the bell rings. Want to come?"

"Sure!"

She picks up her notebook and closes it before shoving it into her bag. She throws the bag over her shoulder, as we both stand up and start walking out of the room. When we get into the hallway, there is already a good number of students walking around since the bell is going to ring any minute now.

"So," I start, making her look at me as we walk. "Quick question."

"What?"

"Well, I was thinking since basically everyone is going to Prom that maybe I would ask Christina to hang out with me that night," I say, trying to ignore the smirk she throws me. "So I guess I was just wondering, what do you think she would definitely say yes to, like date-wise? I know she likes shopping, but I'd rather not join her for that."

"Well," she says slowly, as we approach her locker. "I'm pretty sure she's having a girl's night with Myra that night, but maybe you can try to crash it."

"Goddamn," I mutter, as I lean against the locker next to hers.

"Uri, chill out," she says, as her locker pops open. "You know Christina likes you. Just ask to take her out another night."

"But Tris," I whine. "Then I have to wait even _longer."_

"Uriah-"

"I don't wanna wait anymore," I continue, pushing her arm dramatically.

"I don't know how she puts up with you in the first place," she says, though she is smiling.

I stick out my tongue at her, and she rolls her eyes before closing her locker door. Her eyes shift past me before she looks back at me expectantly.

"Well, you don't have to wait any longer," she says teasingly. "Here comes your girlfriend!"

I turn around, only to see Christina approaching us. She waves at us, and I smile back, feeling a bit awkward since I was just talking about her. We say hello to each other, but before we have even started the conversation, Tris excuses herself and shoots me a look. I roll my eyes, hoping that Christina didn't notice. But she seems to notice everything.

"What was that about?" she asks, as she watches Tris walk away for a moment.

"Oh, nothing."

"You know I can tell when you lie, right?"

"Fine." I sigh. "I was just trying to figure out what to do the night of Prom since everyone is gonna be there, and Tris said that you and Myra are having a girl's night."

"Hm..." she hums thoughtfully before looking at me and smiling. "Well, you could join if you want."

"Join your girl's night?" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Well, obviously it's not a girl's night if you join!"

"Look, it's fine," I say playfully. "We'll just have to hang out another night. You know, just us."

"Like a date?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I mean, hey, if that's what you want to call it."

She snorts and rolls her eyes before looking at me for a moment. She presses her lips together, as I smile back at her, before she finally nods her head.

"Okay," she says finally. "Let's do it."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"Okay, so..." Shauna looks at me and sighs. "No, put that down."

I groan in frustration, as I replace the tie back on the table with the rest of them. When Shauna heard that I hadn't gotten my suit for Prom yet, she immediately got mad at me for waiting until the last minute, and then she forced me to go shopping with her so she could help me pick it out.

"But red is her favorite color," I mutter.

"Right, but her dress is grey and black," she say in a matter-of-fact tone. "You are not wearing a red tie. God, Four, you're hopeless."

"I'm feeling the love, Shauna."

She rolls her eyes, as she looks around. Finally, she picks up a silver-colored tie and holds it up for me.

"Here," she says. "Perfect."

"Thanks," I mumble, as I add it to the pile of items that we have collected.

She looks at me for a moment, a small smile on her face. I raise an eyebrow at her questioningly, and she shrugs her shoulders, though her smile widens.

"Sorry, I wasn't gonna say anything," she says. "But Zeke told me what you said about Tris. You know, the _love_ thing."

"Oh, that..."

"You know, how you're in love."

"Yeah, I get it."

"You know, how you're head over heels-"

"Shauna."

I roll my eyes, as she grins at me.

"I just think it's cute," she continues. "I'm so happy for you, both of you. I mean, I was scared that you were never going to date anyone, the way you just kept ignoring girls left and right. And I know she hasn't had the best history with relationships either. I'm just happy you guys have each other now."

"Well, I'm happy for you and Zeke, too," I offer.

"Yeah." She nods her head and smiles cheekily. "I am too."

* * *

"Is this standard procedure?" Tris asks teasingly, as she puts down her water bottle. "To make your girlfriend fight you two days before Prom?"

"It is when she would refuse any days off," I reply, raising an eyebrow at her.

She laughs a little, as she starts walking back over to me. I look at the clock across the room and see that we only have a few minutes left before I need to return to work. Or before Amar walks in on us, as he does sometimes.

As Tris walks toward me, she looks down to fix the hem of her tank top. Suddenly, I have an idea. I walk forward, closing the space between us, and grab her shoulders. She looks up, as I gently push her back against the wall and hover over her.

"What do you do?" I ask, as I hold her there.

"I'm tired, Tobias," she whines.

"Not what I asked you," I say with a smirk.

She raises an eyebrow at me, and I see a mischievous look in her eyes just before she leans up and presses her lips to mine. Unfortunately, she pulls away shortly after and smirks back at me.

"So, that's what you would do if someone pinned you against a wall?" I ask sarcastically.

"You know, you're probably the only guy that would rather me punch you than kiss you."

"Only for practice," I say.

She rolls her eyes, as I lean down to kiss her again. This time, I let go of her shoulders and move my hands to her hips instead. I feel her smile against my lips, as she circles her arms around my neck. Unfortunately, I hear the door open just as I am about to pull away and warn her that Amar could walk in any minute.

"We have to stop meeting like this."

I groan, as Amar's voice fills the room. As I pull away from her, Tris looks down, her face red as it always is when he walks in on us. When I turn to look at him, he has a smirk on his face.

"We still had two minutes," I mutter.

"God only knows what could have happened in those two minutes!" I feel my face go red as well, as Amar chuckles at his own joke. "Anyway, whenever you're ready, Four."

He turns and walks out the door, and I take a deep breath before turning back to look at Tris. Her face is still pink, though there is a small smile on her lips now. I can't help but smile a bit too as I look at her.

"I guess I'd better go," I sigh.

"Tell Amar I said 'sorry'," she says sheepishly. "Again."

"I will," I tell her, as I kiss her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

We say goodbye to each other, and I gather my things and start heading for the door. When I get outside, I realize that Amar was waiting for me outside the door. As soon as I see him, he raises an eyebrow and starts walking with me.

"She said she's-"

"Sorry. I heard," Amar finishes teasingly. "Let me tell you, if I catch you misusing your time again, _you'll_ be sorry."

I roll my eyes at him, as we continue on our way.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

My phone has been vibrating in my pocket throughout my entire shift. While Bud wasn't around, I was able to take it out long enough to see that it was Christina sending me multiple texts about how she was going to leave school early tomorrow with me so that she could help me get ready for Prom. Still, I never actually responded. For some reason, I just feel like it would be wrong to text during work, even though I know that Bud probably wouldn't care.

Finally, I take my phone out of my pocket, deciding to text back, as I leave the shop after closing up. As I walk down the few steps leading to the sidewalk, I look around and notice that the sky is fairly dark, and there aren't many people around by now.

"You sure you don't want me to wait with you?" Bud asks from the doorway.

"I should be fine," I say, waving dismissively. "The bus should be here any minute."

"All right, well be careful," he says, as he starts walking back inside. "Have a good night, kid."

I say goodbye to him, as he closes the door. I suppose he is going up to his apartment above the shop now. As I stand under the bus stop, I reach into my bag and search through each of the compartments. A groan escapes my lips, as I realize that I don't have any change. I turn around for a moment, as I consider knocking on the door to ask if I could borrow from Bud, but I decide against it. Something about asking my boss for bus money just seems wrong.

Instead, I decide to bite the bullet and start walking. I have only walked a few feet before I begin to feel the cravings again. Normally, this would be the perfect time to smoke a cigarette. Walking home late at night, anxious that someone might be following me. Normally, that would calm me. But I try to quell the cravings by both reminding myself how long it's been since I smoked as well as trying to convince myself that I will be home in just a matter of minutes.

I take a deep breath, as I start to pass an alleyway. I look around, but there is nobody in sight. Even so, I continue to convince myself that it will be okay. I just need to keep walking, and I will be okay.

As soon as I pass the alley, I feel a hand latch onto my arm and yank me back. Before any noise can escape my mouth, I feel another hand clap over my mouth. Soon, I am consumed by darkness, as the hands pull me backward into the alley. But I don't need my eyes to know who it is.

My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that it hurts, my breathing has picked up. I can feel my body shaking.

Think, think.

I need to do something.

I try to think back to all of the tips that Tobias gave me, everything he told me to do. He prepared me to fight back from this position. I just need to remember.

 _Elbows,_ my mind yells frantically. _He said to use my elbows._

Without thinking, I bite down on the hand over my mouth, and I hear him grunt in pain. I throw my elbow back, hitting him in the stomach. I lift my foot up and bring it down on his as hard as I can, and I can't help but feel a sick kind of satisfaction, as I hear him make another noise in pain. As soon as he releases me, I spin around to look at him.

His green eyes are filled with hatred. He looks over his shoulder, and it is only then that I realize that Eric is standing behind us, watching us as if we are just live entertainment. He rolls his eyes and starts walking toward us, and I stand there, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Yet my feet feel frozen to the ground.

"You've gotten soft," Eric says with a smirk.

"Shut up," Peter bites back.

As if to prove a point, Peter lunges at me and pushes me hard against the wall, knocking the air out of my lungs. Pain radiates from the back of my head, as he pushes me against the wall again. I swing my arm up, letting my fist collide with his chin, and I hear him groan before he pushes me to the ground.

 _Think fast,_ I hear Tobias' voice say over and over again in my mind.

From my place on the ground, I kick his legs out from under him. He makes a noise as he falls, though this time it sounds more like a noise of frustration.

What happens next is a blur. He throws punches. I throw punches. He grunts with either pain or frustration, and yells begin to escape my mouth. My vision becomes spotted, but I don't stop.

The last thing I see before my vision goes black is a flashing light.

Maybe red, maybe blue.

It doesn't matter. It saves my life.


	27. Chapter 27

**Oh my gosh! Sooo close to a hundred favorites, I'm so excited! And I'm so happy that you guys ended up liking the last chapter! I was so scared posting it, but I'm glad it was okay.**

 **As always, thank you to BeatriceEaton46, mosuzmartian, Guest, .wonderland, citizensg1, rubberduckybugati, Sawyerrr, Brokenwings35, and Gahajw for your love and support. I really really appreciate the kind words from all of you.**

 **Also, quick note: I know you guys always freak out over cliffhangers but... Those are kinda my thing :)**

 **Lol I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

It is about midnight. I know because I keep looking at the clock every five seconds, as I pace back and forth. Tori was able to find my number in Tris' phone, so she was able to tell me what happened. She told me that she would leave it to me to tell our other friends, but I decided against it. I know that they will all be mad at me, especially Christina, but I didn't want to call all of my friends this late and make them come to the hospital when they have school tomorrow. I also didn't want Tris to feel too crowded after what just happened.

My blood still feels as if it is boiling, as I think about it. Of course, I don't know all the details. All I know is that she was attacked on her way home. That's all I need to know. My hands clench into fists, as I pace back and forth. It is only the thought of Tris lying in a hospital bed that makes me stay put rather than running out into the streets to find the bastard that did this to her.

"Four?"

I look up, as Tori walks into the waiting room, looking more tired than I have ever seen her. I notice that her eyes are a bit puffy, as if she was crying. It seems odd at first- I never knew that she cared about Tris so much that she would cry over her.

"Can I please know what's going on now?" I ask desperately.

"Well, you know what happened," she sighs. "She was jumped on her way home."

"By Peter," I mutter, feeling my blood boiling again.

"And another one, Eric. But I don't think she'll have to worry about them for a while."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, not only did the police catch them in the act and arrest them on the spot, but they also found illegal substances on both of them. It turns out Peter was under the influence, too."

"Who called the police on them?" I ask.

"I don't know," she replies. "It was an anonymous tip. Apparently, somebody was nearby, and they heard Tris yelling, so they called."

"Is she okay now?"

"Yeah," Tori says, letting out a sigh. "She has a concussion, a broken wrist, and some bruises. She's awake now, but she's a little delirious, I think from the pain killers and the concussion. But you can see her, if you want."

"I definitely want to."

She smiles just the slightest bit at this, though she is still clearly upset about the situation as a whole. She leads me to where Tris is before she leaves, telling me that she will be in the waiting area.

When I walk in, my heart nearly shatters at the sight of her. Her eyes are closed, as she lays on the hospital bed. Her face is bruised. The sight causes a million feelings to run through me: relief that she is even here at all, sadness that she had to go through this, and anger that those bastards would do this to her. As I walk closer to her, her eyes open slowly, and she smiles lazily at me.

"Tobias," she nearly whispers.

"Tris," I reply, as I sit down on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," she mumbles. "Whatever they have me on is better than Peace."

"That's why you're smiling, then," I say, smiling a bit myself.

"Mm." She closes her eyes, the smile still on her face. "No. I'm happy to see you."

"I'm beyond happy to see you, too."

She doesn't say anything to this. I watch her, as her head tilts a bit to the side. For a moment, I think that she has fallen asleep, until she speaks again.

"I don't want you to leave." She opens her eyes and turns her head back in my direction slowly. "Will you stay here tonight?"

"I can try," I tell her. "But I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I'll ask Tori, okay?"

She doesn't respond. Instead, she just stares at me. I figure it must be the painkillers again. I stand up, but just as I am about to leave, I feel her hand curl around my wrist. I look down at her, and she looks a bit more sad now. But still heavily sedated.

"Don't go," she says in a soft voice that makes me want to lay down with her right now.

"I'm just going to ask Tori if I can stay," I reassure her. "I promise I'll be right back."

She doesn't seem satisfied with this answer. But luckily, she lets me go this time. I try to shake the feeling of her eyes on me, as I leave. When I get back to the waiting room, Tori is sitting in one of the chairs now with a cup of coffee in her hands, as she stares at the wall opposite her. As I approach her, she seems to a do a double take before she realizes it's me, and I wonder if I interrupted a deep thought. She stands up and faces me, and I stop in front of her.

"Everything okay?" she asks.

"Yeah. She just asked me to stay with her overnight, but I'm not sure if that's allowed."

"I can ask someone," she says slowly. "Are you sure you want to stay here, though? I mean, you have school tomorrow, and hospitals aren't exactly known for being the most comfortable places to sleep."

"It's not like I'll get any sleep if I'm away from her," I mutter. "I'd really like to stay here if I can."

"Well... Okay," she says, smiling just the slightest bit. "You go back in. I'll go find out for you."

"Thanks, Tori."

"Thank _you_ ," she replies, and I see the same sadness in her that I saw when I first got here. "I've been meaning to tell you that. I can tell that you care about her, and I really appreciate how much you help her. You're impacting her so much more than you realize."

I simply nod at her, since I find myself at a loss for words. She smiles slightly at me and starts to walk away before I can figure out a response. I take a deep breath and decide to go back to Tris before she starts to doubt that I am returning. Even as I walk back, Tori's words stay in my mind.

"You came back," Tris says softly, as I walk toward her bed again. "Good, I'm tired."

"Go to sleep, silly," I tell her, as I sit down next to her again and carefully kiss her forehead. "I'll be right here."

"Okay," she whispers, closing her eyes. "Tobias?"

"Yes?"

"Don't let them get me, okay?"

I feel a horrible pain in my chest, as I stare down at her. She simply lays there, her eyes still closed, making me wonder if she is even still awake. As I look down at her, I realize that she looks so fragile and unlike herself. I am afraid to touch her, though I want to so badly. I want to wrap my arms around her until she feels safe. I don't think she would understand the amount of guilt that I feel for letting this happen to her in the first place. I want her to know that I will never let anyone hurt her like this again. But I know that now, while she is loopy from painkillers, this is not the right time for all of that. So, instead, I simply tell her what she needs to hear right now.

"I won't," I say quietly.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

When I wake up, I feel a dull pain in... everywhere. It's everywhere. I groan, as I open my eyes. For a moment, I wonder where I am until the events of last night rush into my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment to compose myself before I look around the room again. This time, I notice that Tori is sitting in a chair next to my bed. She rubs her eyes tiredly before she realizes that I am looking at her. She turns to face me and smiles just the slightest bit.

"You're awake," she says, sleep still in her voice. "How do you feel?"

"Just hurting a little," I croak.

"They said they'll be by for your painkillers after you eat breakfast."

"How long do I have to stay here?" I ask. And suddenly, I realize just how much information I am missing. "What happened to Peter and Eric? And what happened to Four, is he all right? I thought he was here last night, but-"

"He was," she cuts in, leaning closer to me. "He stayed here with you all night, but I woke him up a few hours ago to go to school, and I called out because I didn't want you to wake up alone."

I nod my head slowly, and she takes this as her cue to continue. She explains that Tobias said he would come back later with everyone else, and I can't help but feel a little relieved just at the fact that he will be back. She continues on to explain that they want to keep me here for one more day until they are sure that everything is on the right track. She tells me that Peter and Eric were caught when an anonymous person heard me yelling and called the cops, which would explain the flashing lights that I saw as I was blacking out. The cops arrested them on the spot, and they later found illegal substances on them. I can't help but hope that it won't be so easy for Peter to get out this time like he did last time he was locked up.

As Tori tells me everything, I feel emotions bubbling up inside me. I only say emotions because I am not sure exactly what I am feeling right now. All I know is that I want nothing more than to cry, but I hold it in because I do not want to do that in front of Tori. I don't want to cry in front of anyone. I don't want to be weaker than I already am. But this entire experience has torn me down to a level that I never thought I would reach.

It's like hitting rock bottom. Then being dragged underground.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

"I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner," I mutter, as I look out the window of Four's car.

Four told us what happened to Tris this morning before classes. All of us were shocked and angry and worried. Everybody questioned Four for not telling us sooner, but it seems that I am more mad at him than anyone else.

Since Prom is tonight, Shauna, Zeke, and Four were already allowed to leave early, so they decided to leave early so that they could visit her in the hospital. Uriah, Lynn, and I just tagged along anyway so that we could all see her together. We might get in trouble for it later since we aren't seniors, but we don't really care. Anyway, Shauna and Uriah went with Zeke in his truck, and I ended up in Four's car with Lynn in the backseat, though she promptly put in her earbuds as soon as she got in the car.

"It was a lot to process," he replies. "Plus I didn't want her to feel crowded."

"And you thought her best friend would be a crowd?" I bite back.

"Christina, I didn't want you to start worrying and telling everyone," he sighs. "Look, I know you're mad at me, and I'm sorry. But I had my reasons."

I roll my eyes and look out the window again. We drive in silence for a moment before I hear him let out a deep breath.

"I've got something to tell you," he says suddenly.

"What?" I mutter.

There is silence for a moment before he speak again. And as he does, I can't help but smile a little. I make sure to keep my face toward the window so that he can't see. By the time he has finished explaining everything, we are in the parking lot of the hospital. He parks the car and shuts it off, and although I am still not looking at him, I can feel his eyes on me.

"What do you think?" he asks.

"Four, you may be a jerk sometimes," I say, "but I'm really glad you and Tris are together."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I didn't think it would be this hard. As my friends sit around my bed asking questions and talking, it slowly becomes harder and harder to ignore the desire to cry. But I continue to hold it in because I do not want them to see me cry. Part of me is so grateful that they care enough to come see me- Shauna even managed to push back her hair appointment so she could come- but part of me wishes that they would leave so that I could break down without an audience.

"For what it's worth," Uriah says, smiling sadly, "you still look like a badass."

"Hey, yeah!" Zeke chimes in, smiling as well. "You got that battle scar thing going for you!"

I can't help but laugh a little at this, as I roll my eyes.

"Thanks, guys," I say.

"So how long are they keeping you here?" Shauna asks.

"I think they'll let me out tomorrow morning."

"Oh," she says sadly.

I can tell that she is thinking about the fact that I won't be able to go to Prom like them, but it seems like she doesn't want to mention it. Christina looks at me with understanding before turning to Shauna and asking when her appointment is. Shauna looks at me, as she answers hesitantly, but she starts to give more information when she sees that I am okay with her talking about it. As they continue the conversation, and Christina asks exactly how she is getting her hair done, I look at Tobias who is sitting closest to me and pull him toward me.

"You okay?" he asks quietly, as he leans closer to me.

"Yeah, I just..." I look around to make sure everybody else is still focused on Christina and Shauna before I continue. "I want you to go tonight."

"You're not serious, are you?" He says, furrowing his eyebrows at me.

"Of course I am," I say, trying to smile encouragingly. "I'll be fine here, I can even ask Tori to stay with me. I don't want you to miss out on one of the most important senior traditions because of this. You can still have fun with Zeke and Shauna. I just really want you to go, please?"

He stares at me for a moment, as our friends continue to talk, oblivious to our quiet conversation. He lets out a deep breath before nodding his head slowly.

"Okay, fine."

"Thank you."

I try to smile again, but he doesn't return it. Instead, he turns his head back to listen to the conversation our friends are having. I look at them as well, though I can't seem to focus on what they are saying. Instead, I just keep wondering if I did something wrong by telling him to go. Of course, I know he feels bad about leaving me here, but he couldn't possibly be _mad_ at me for telling him to go. I hope.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but I actually have to go," Shauna says a few minutes later. "I hope you get better fast, though. And I'll miss you later."

"Don't worry," I say, smiling at her. "Just have extra fun for me."

"Will do," she says, grinning back at me.

They all decide to leave at the same time since Zeke, Shauna, and Tobias need to leave and the rest need rides from them. Tobias tells me that he will get Tori so that she can stay with me. Christina and Uriah hug me carefully, Zeke, Shauna, and Lynn simply say goodbye and to feel better, and Tobias kisses me carefully, as if he is afraid I will break if he presses too hard. I suppose it must have something to do with the bruises on my face. He looks back at me, as he leaves, and I can tell that he is still upset. I try to smile at him, and he tries to return it, but I can tell that it is completely fake.

I take a deep breath to steady myself, as I wait for Tori to come in. But she doesn't for quite a while. I simply sit there, staring at the walls. Eventually, my eyes become heavy, so I let them close.

When I wake up, I realize that the room is still empty. For a moment, I consider ringing for a nurse to ask if they have seen her, but I decide against it. There would be no way for them to know where she is. I look at the clock and realize that hours passed while I was asleep. And still no Tori. I drop my head back on my pillow and sigh.

Just as I begin to accept that I might be alone tonight, I hear the door open. I lift my head back up to see who it is. And when I do, I freeze. This time, I can't help the tears that escape my eyes.


	28. Chapter 28

**Oh my gosh, I can't believe the reaction that the last chapter got. I mean, I knew you guys would be upset by the cliffhanger but damn! Soo just for you guys, I cooled it a bit for this chapter, but I can't promise that that will be the last cliffhanger of this story, so enjoy this non-cliffhanger chapter while it lasts! :P**

 **Anyway, FINALLY 100 favorites! Thank you to CNikki777 for being the 100th! And thank you to dauntless4664, BeatriceEaton46, Brokenwings35, mosuzmartian, Guest, Guest, and IAmDivergent246 for your love and support! I really appreciate it. And thank you/welcome to SeaweedOwlBrain, your review made me smile!**

 **This chapter is a tiny bit short, but that's because I felt bad for the cliffhanger in the last chapter so I wrote it fast, plus this chapter is kinda like part two of the last chapter. Don't worry though, there's much more to come!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this one! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I can't believe I'm doing this. I look down at myself one more time to make sure my suit looks okay. The dress pants, the button up shirt, and the silver tie that Shauna picked for me. Everything looks okay. I even asked Amar if I looked put together before I left. Not only did he say that I looked all right, but he even told me that he was proud of me for doing this. He said that not everybody would do what I have chosen to do today. Although I know that this is the right thing to do, I am still nervous for some reason.

Still, I know that it is too late to change my mind. And even if I had time to change my mind, I wouldn't. In one hand, I hold the corsage that I had planned to give Tris. I take a deep breath before opening the door with my other hand. When I walk in, I see her there, laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. She lifts her head at the sound of the door opening, and she seems to freeze when she sees me. For a moment, we both just stand there staring at each other, as if we are both trying to figure out what to say.

"Surprise," I finally say awkwardly. I clear my throat before continuing. "Look, I know you said to go, but quite honestly, it wouldn't mean anything to me if you're not there, so I figured I could bring Prom to you."

Tris stares at me, her mouth slightly open in shock before I realize that her eyes are tearing up. Before I can even decide what to do, one of the tears has escaped. Then another. I rush over to her, dropping everything on the table near her bed, and wrap my arms around her carefully. I pull her into me gently, being careful not to hurt her, until she is crying into my chest. My chest starts to hurt all over again, as she cries harder than I've ever heard her cry before. I keep my arms around her tightly, as the sobs rack through her body.

"I'm sorry," I say into her hair. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"N-no, I..."

She seems to give up on trying to respond, as she continues to cry, and I let her continue without trying to get her to talk again. A few moments later, she begins to calm down, though she is still breathing irregularly and hiccuping every now and then. I run a hand over her hair, and I feel her bury her face in my chest, as she gasps out again.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles weakly.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask.

"For this," she says, as she takes her face away from my chest so I can hear her. "I'm sorry. I've been trying not to cry ever since I woke up here, but when I saw you, I just..."

"You don't have to be sorry for crying," I tell her, as I wipe the tears off her face. "I know what you're thinking, and no, it doesn't make you weak."

"After all that training, I still couldn't fight him off," she says, her voice shaking more now. "And now, I can't stop crying about it."

"Again, crying does not make you weak. And two, it wasn't a fair fight, and I think I know that. The fact that you did some damage to him to means that you're anything but weak."

"But I-"

"You're strong," I cut in. "You're the strongest person I know. That's it."

She doesn't say anything for a moment. We just sit there, her arm around my waist, and mine wrapped around her shoulders, as she rests her head on my chest. As her breathing slows down, I feel her move to look at the table.

"Is that for me?" she asks quietly.

"Oh, right," I say, as I reach over and grab the corsage off the table.

She sits up so that she can look at me, as I take it out of its packaging. I look at her, and I can't help but smile when I see the beginning of a smile on her lips, as she stares down at it. She bites her lip, as I take her good wrist in my hand and start putting the corsage on her wrist. Once it is on, I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it softly. When I pull back and look at her, her eyes are glassy again and she is still biting her lip. She looks down at the corsage for a moment before looking back up at me. Before I can say anything, she leans into me and presses her lips to mine, and I can't help but smile against her lips.

"Oh, wait," I whisper, as we pull apart. "There's one more thing."

She looks at me, confused, as I pull my phone out of my pocket. I open up the music tab and start playing a slow song. I smile, as Tris lets out a laugh- a loud, genuine laugh. The kind that makes her throw her head back. I don't even care if she is only laughing like that because she is out of it. It feels so good to hear her laugh like that, especially since I caused it. She grins at me, still chuckling a bit, as I put the volume up, letting the music feel the air.

"Wow," she gasps out.

"Well, come on," I shrug. "It wouldn't be Prom without a slow dance."

She bites her lip before chuckling again. The grin stays on her face, as I wrap my arms around her and start swaying with her. She starts laughing, and so do I. I imagine how strange we must look, swaying back and forth while sitting on a hospital bed, but I don't really care, and she doesn't seem to care either. We just sit there, tangled into each other's arms, until moments later, she looks up at me and kisses me again.

When she pulls away, I feel it. Now is the time, I know it is. I find myself speaking before I even have time to think about it.

"Tris," I say, as she plays with the collar of my shirt.

"What?" she asks, looking up at me.

"I think I'm in love with you," I breathe out quickly.

There is silence for a moment, and I feel my heart racing, as her fingers suddenly stop their movement. As I watch her stare up at me, I wonder if I should have waited. I wonder if I should have said anything at all. But then, the beginning of a smile appears on her face, and she tilts her head a bit.

"You think, or you know?"

Her words surprise me, but I find myself smiling back a moment later.

"I know," I say. "I love you, Tris."

Her smile grows a bit before she bites her lip, and her eyes flit away from me for a moment.

"I love you, Tobias," she says softly.

The words send a strange feeling through me. The words come from my mouth before I can even stop it.

"Say it again."

"I love you, Tobias."

I lean down into her, and she smiles against my lips, as she brings her hand to my shoulder. I'm not sure how long we stay like that until we finally pull apart for air. Still, I keep my forehead resting against hers, as I try to take in everything about this moment that I can.

As we sit there together, I can't help but think about how I never even wanted to go to Prom in the first place. Yet here I am, reveling in the best Prom night I could have asked for.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

"Yeah!" I belt out. "Girl's night!"

Christina and Myra giggle, as they continue dancing around and singing to some weird, girly song. When the song ends, they collapse on Myra's bed.

"Well, that was fun," Myra sighs.

"Totally!" I add in a girly voice, making them both laugh. "What now?"

"Uhm... I don't know," she shrugs.

"Don't you have to go soon anyway?" Christina asks, looking a bit sad now.

"Oh, right," I say, as I look at the clock.

It is almost ten at night. Apparently, Myra's parents are okay with boys coming over as long as they leave by ten. Still, this was a better option than Christina's house since her little sister would have yelled at us for being this loud. And we couldn't go to my house because my mother took off to see Zeke go to Prom, and she probably wouldn't be very happy if I brought over two very loud girls. Well, Christina is loud. Myra is only loud when there's music playing.

"We can dance to another song," Myra says. "That's about all the time you have left."

"That's okay." I shrug. "What are you guys gonna do for the rest of the night?"

"Probably watch a movie," Christina says, grinning at Myra. "A chick flick to be exact."

"Well, thank god for the no-boys after ten rule!"

They both giggle before Myra gets off the bed and walks over to start looking through her collection of DVD's. As she looks, Christina tells her that she will walk me out. We walk down the stairs together, joking about how they should seriously try out for a singing show. We even decide that I could be their back up dancer by the time we make it to the front door. I say goodbye to Myra's parents, who are sitting in the living room and watching the television before we let ourselves out. Christina closes the door behind us before looking back at me with a grin on her face.

"I'm glad you decided to crash our girl's night," she says. "That was awesome."

"It was pretty cool actually," I grin back at her. "We should do it more often."

"Right," she giggles.

There is silence for a moment, as she looks down at her feet.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, making her look up. "I mean, are you still thinking about-"

"Of course," she sighs. "I've been thinking about it all night, even when we were dancing around like idiots. But I know she's okay now. I know it's fine, so I'm trying not to worry about it, but she _is_ my best friend. So I guess I can't help but worry about it."

"I know," I smile. "But you know she's in good hands now."

"You know, I can't believe that Four could even think of something that cute," she says with a smirk. "When he first told me about it, I thought the idea had to have come from someone else, but Shauna said she had nothing to do with it, and I know Zeke didn't suggest Prom-at-the-hospital."

"My brother could barely figure out how to get his suit on," I say, rolling my eyes.

She laughs again, and I can't help but smile back at her.

"Guess I chose the right brother, then," she says cheekily.

"What?"

She looks at me, as if she just realized what she said. For a moment, we are quiet until suddenly, she moves closer to me. It happens fast. I barely even have time to think about it before our lips are connected. She even pulls away so quickly that the only thing I can do is stare down at her in shock, as she smiles a bit.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she says.

Before I can say anything, she lets herself back into the house. For a moment, I just stare at the door before I feel myself smiling too.

This has been one hell of a girl's night.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Did you know?" I ask Tori once we have finished talking about everything that happened last night.

"Of course I knew," she says, smiling. "Why do you think I never came to see you? It was so cute seeing him so nervous-"

"He was nervous?" I ask sheepishly.

"He was good at hiding it, but you could still tell. He was definitely nervous."

I can't help but smile, as she unlocks the front door of the house and lets us in. She suggests that I lay down on the couch, since I am still tired from the painkillers. As I do, she sits down on the armchair next to the couch and picks up one of the black books and a pencil from the coffee table. She tells me that she will be there in case I need anything. As I curl up on the couch, I look at her. She doesn't seem to notice since she has already started drawing, but she looks at me when I speak.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask.

"Sure," she says.

"I just wanted to say thanks," I tell her quietly. "For everything. You didn't have to take me in, but you did. And ever since you did, you've actually been acting like... I don't know, like you actually care about me. You help me more than my real parents ever did."

"That's because I _do_ care about you," she says, smiling a bit. "And you don't have to thank me for that. You ought to go to sleep now."

I look at her for a moment, wanting to say more. But I'm not sure what I could possibly say to thank her for everything she has done. So instead, I simply nod at her, and she smiles again before she returns her attention to her book.

As I watch her, I can't help but hope that maybe my life will stay like this. A loving boyfriend, a guardian who really cares about me, amazing friends. I never could have guessed that I would have all these things, but I do. I know that it is wishful thinking to think that it could all stay like this. But I guess now is as good a time as any to start wishing.


	29. Chapter 29

**HOW AM I UPDATING SO FAST? I don't know, but don't keep expecting this because now if I can't update fast next time, I'm gonna feel so much pressure!**

 **Anyway, big thank you to rubberduckybugati, Thomith, Sawyerrr, 09, BeatriceEaton46, IAmDivergent246, Brokenwings35, mosuzmartian, and Naruisawesome for your love and support!**

 **I faked you guys out for once! Everybody was expecting Caleb, but nah... Glad you guys liked the twist!**

 **Hope you guys like this chapter too! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

I decided to sleep at Lauren's last night. And by that, I mean I sneaked into Zeke's house and stayed there but told my mom I was staying with Lauren. I can't help but smile, as I think about last night. Not just the part after I sneaked into his house, but the entire Prom night as a whole. It was definitely everything I imagined it would be. I still feel sorry for Tris, but I'm beyond proud of Four for coming up with such a thoughtful fix. It's amazing how much he's changed since he met her.

When I let myself into the house, it is completely quiet. And that's when I remember that my mom was going to take Hector shopping for some summer clothes. Poor kid went through a growth spurt. I guess Lynn went with them, since I can't hear anyone.

Suddenly, I do hear a noise. It comes from upstairs. I think to myself that it is most likely Lynn. Still, I can't help but freeze in fear. It wouldn't be the first time I found someone in our house. Sure, last time it was only one of Hector's stupid little friends trying to prank us. But if a little boy could get in here, anyone could.

I think back to the few fighting moves that Four taught me. I go through them in my head just in case there really is someone upstairs before I start slowly creeping up the stairs. I hear another noise, as I walk. It's coming from the bathroom. I take a deep breath, as I reach the top of the stairs.

Before I can think too far into it, I push open the bathroom door. Relief washes over me, as Lynn spins around to look at me. But it is immediately replaced by horror, as I look down at the pill bottles in her hands and the tear stains on her cheeks.

"Lynn..." I breathe out.

Immediately, the sadness on her face is replaced by her usual harsh expression, as she stares back at me.

"You don't knock?" she says just as harshly, though her voice is shaking.

"Lynn, what the hell are you doing?" I cry, as I rush over to her. "Give me those!"

"No, I'm not even doing anything!" she yells back, as we both grab at the bottles.

"Well, you were about to, weren't you? You were about to do exactly what she did!"

I jump, as she grabs the bottles from me and throws them at the floor, one of the bottles opening up and letting the pills fly across the floor. I feel the urge to shrink back at the look she is giving me, but I force myself to stay still.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," she growls, sending chills down my spine.

"I know that I just walked in on my sister with bottles of pills in her hands!"

For the first time since I walked in here, I feel tears pooling up in my eyes. Her expression falters for only a split second, as one of the tears emerges, but she composes herself quickly again.

"Since when do you give a fuck?" she spits back.

"I'm your sister. I always _give a fuck_ about you!"

"Please." She rolls her eyes. "Nobody gives a fuck. I'm just the one that sits there with headphones in, ignoring the world. I could disappear and nobody would notice."

" _I_ would notice," I cry. "I'm noticing right now. Lynn, I-"

I stop, as she walks past me, knocking shoulders with me as she goes. I call after her, but she gets into her room and slams the door shut before I can stop her. More tears begin to stream down my cheeks, as I bang on the door and call out for her, but she doesn't open it. I look down at the small space between the floor and her door. I can tell by the slight shadow that she is sitting in front of her door. I can tell because it is the same thing she used to do when she was mad at our mom. She would sit in front of her door so that we couldn't get in, and I would sit on the other side, trying to cheer her up so that she would talk to her again.

So, that's what I do now. I sit down in front of the door, staring at the shadow of my sister. But this time, I don't say anything. Instead, I cry quietly. I just sit there and wait for my sister to come back to me.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I came home from the hospital yesterday. So I can understand why Tori was a bit conflicted when I told her Tobias was coming to get me today. But eventually, I was able to convince her that I would be okay. I even joked that I could sleep in his car if I get tired. In reality, that is not entirely true since we are only going to be in the car for about ten minutes.

We are going to see his future apartment today. Originally, it was just to finish up some paperwork, but he decided to also schedule a tour so that I could see it, too. Although I am still recovering, I felt like this would be better than spending the day in bed, staring at my ceiling. I had enough of that while I was in the hospital.

"Well, I can see she likes it already!"

Tessa, the woman who is taking us on the tour, smiles at me, as I look around the apartment in awe. It isn't anything fancy. It is simply one bedroom, one bathroom, a living room and a small kitchen area. But it seems so perfectly simple for him.

I simply nod my head in response, and her smile falters a bit. This isn't the first time she has done that. I assume that it has something to do with the bruises on my face, but I don't say anything. I simply keep looking around until I feel Tobias squeeze my hand. When I look at him, I can tell that he is uncomfortable, but I hope that it isn't for the reason I think it is. He clears his throat and looks at Tessa.

"Would you mind giving us a minute?" he asks.

"Of course," she says, faking a smile again. "I suppose, I can go onto the balcony-"

"We can go," I offer. "You can stay here."

"Oh..." She looks between us for a moment. "All right."

I start walking toward the balcony, pulling Tobias along with me. Once we get to the balcony, I close the door slightly so that she won't hear us before I turn to face him, though he is looking away.

"It's a good thing you got one on the second floor," I say, trying to break the tension. "I know you said you didn't want to be high up."

"Yeah," is all he says.

"Tobias, can you at least look at me?" I sigh, as he finally turns to face me, still clearly upset. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is the way she keeps looking at me," he mutters, as he gently skims his thumb over my cheek, "like I'm the one who did this to you."

"Well, who cares what she thinks?"

"It's not just her. Everybody is going to think it." I bite my lip, as I watch him become even more upset. "They're going to look at you, and they're going to look at me and think-"

"Well, they're wrong," I try again. "So what does it matter?"

"No, they're not." I look at him in shock, as his voice shakes a bit before he composes himself. I've never seen him this upset before. "I let this happen. I knew that he was still a threat to you. I should have come to get you after work, especially when you were working late. I should have-"

"Stop." He clenches his jaw and looks away, but I bring my hand to his cheek to make him look at me. "This wasn't your fault. There wasn't anything that you could have done-"

"Yes, there was-"

" _You_ didn't attack me, Tobias! This isn't your fault." He stares at me for a moment, but he says nothing. "Don't let her upset you. Or anyone else. This wasn't your fault. You're the one who's helped me, and taught me, and been there for me. And they don't need to know that. We know it, and that's all that matters. Okay?"

He nods silently, but I can tell that he is still upset. I let out a sigh, as I wrap my arms around his neck. He hesitates for a moment before returning the embrace. As we stand there, I realize that there is one thing that could make him feel better, and I hope that it works.

"I love you," I say, my lips brushing against his neck.

His arms tighten around me, and I smile just the slightest bit.

"I love you, too," he says.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I managed to finish all the paperwork I needed to get done, even after what happened during the visit. The car ride back to Tori's house is quiet, and I have to guess that Tris is upset with me for the way I acted. But I don't say anything because I am afraid that anything I say will just make it worse.

Even as we get out of the car, I say nothing. As I walk her to the door, nothing. Until finally, she stops in front of the door and looks at me, and I decide that I can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry," I say, as she stares up at me. "I know you're upset with me, but-"

"What?" She furrows her eyebrows at me and shakes her head a bit. "No, I'm not upset with you."

"Your silence could have fooled me," I mutter.

She quirks an eyebrow at me and sighs, as she looks away for a moment. I simply stand there, waiting for her to speak, knowing better than to force her to speak right now.

"I'm not upset with you," she says quietly. "I'm just upset."

"About what?" I ask, taking her hand in mine.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "I guess I knew you were going to graduate and leave, but today, when you were signing those papers, it made it feel so real."

"Tris, I'm not leaving," I say, squeezing her hand. "I'm only ten minutes away. We may not see each other in between classes anymore, but that doesn't mean we'll never see each other."

She nods her head a bit and looks away, clearly upset, and I can tell that she is still having a hard time believing me. As I watch her stare down at her feet, I realize that now may be the time to tell her what I have been thinking about for quite some time. I take a deep breath to steady myself before I verbalize the thought that could either comfort her or scare her off.

"I have an idea," I say, making her look up at me.

"What?" she asks.

"It's more of a deal actually," I say, using my free hand to rub the back of my neck. "So please don't get mad."

"Okay," she says slowly.

"I know how you feel about college," I say, thinking back to the time that she said she felt like she would never be able to get into college. "But I also know that you tend to underestimate yourself, and I know that you can get in, too."

"And?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

" _And_ I want to promise you something right now," I continue. "If you get into a college, any college you want, you can come live with me after you graduate."

She looks at me for a moment with a look that could only be described as hope before she composes herself. A small smile appears on her face, though she still seems conflicted.

"What makes you think I want to live with you?"

"The way you're smiling," I answer simply.

She laughs a bit before biting her lip and looking down. There is only a moment of silence before she nods her head slowly and looks back up at me.

"Okay," she says.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it'd be."

"That's because I know you'll let me live with you either way," she smirks.

"Tris," I say, rolling my eyes.

"But I'm still going to try," she says. "I will."

I can't help but smile just the slightest bit, as she wraps her arms around my neck. I rest my hands on her hips, as her lips capture mine. For that short moment, I don't worry about the looks that we got earlier today or what will happen next year. For that short moment, all I can think about is her.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

"It's crazy, don't you think?" I ask, as I tap a random key on the piano. "In a couple of days, we're going to perform this... And then, this year is just gonna be over."

"Yeah," Tris says quietly. "That is kinda crazy. But hey, at least you'll still see your girlfriend next year."

I roll my eyes, as she bumps shoulders with me teasingly. I should have never told her about what happened with Christina. Now, she keeps teasing me at every chance she gets, though I guess I had it coming since I teased her about Four. Plus, she would have found out from Christina if she didn't find out from me.

"And _your_ boyfriend is gonna be nearby," I say, nudging her back. "Anyway, enough love talk."

"You love her!"

"Tris," I groan.

"Okay, okay." She grins at me. "What now?"

"Well, I think we've practiced enough," I shrug. "I think it's just time to go for it."

"I guess you're right."

I look at her, as she picks up her notebook and starts to put it away. Once it is in her bag, she looks at me curiously.

"Okay, I know this is really random," I say, "but I just wanted to say... I'm really proud of you."

"What are you talking about?" she asks.

"What do you mean, what am I talking about?" I say dramatically, making her laugh a bit before I go back to my normal voice. "First of all, this song is amazing. And it's true, every word. You've dealt through so much, and you're still breathing and still fighting. You're seriously a bad ass, Tris."

She looks at me for a moment, the hint of a smile on her lips before she speaks.

"And you're an awesome brother," she says.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It feels odd to be walking to the cafeteria with Tobias, as though I am a completely normal high school student. The only thing that reminds me that I am completely abnormal is the fact that the majority of the students we pass in the hallways are staring at me. Some subtly and some not so subtly. I suppose word must have gotten out about what happened to me. Still, I try to ignore it. Instead, I focus on the feel of Tobias' hand wrapped around mine. The words he says, as we walk.

"Tris!"

I stop and look over my shoulder, as Shauna walks toward us with a distressed look on her face. I turn to face her, and Tobias does the same.

"Shauna," Tobias says. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she says a little too quickly. "Or, well... I really just need to talk to Tris, if that's okay."

She looks at me, as if she is asking for permission. I nod my head at her and tell Tobias that I will catch up to him before I return my attention to Shauna.

"I won't keep you long," she says, as she starts to lead me in the opposite direction. "I know you probably want to go to lunch."

"It's okay," I reassure her, as she leads us into an empty classroom. "Is everything all right?"

"No, uhm... no," she says, as she sits down on one of the tables. I sit down next to her, as she runs a hand through her hair nervously. "I don't really know how to say this."

"Just say it," I shrug.

There is silence for a moment except for the sound of the clock ticking.

"I'm worried about Lynn," she says quietly. When she looks at me, I realize that her eyes are glassy now. "She's been... different lately. Like she just doesn't care about herself, and I'm worried that she might..."

She trails off, as her voice starts to shake. When I look at her now, I realize that there are a couple of tears running down her cheeks. I look at her for a moment, unsure of what to do. After all, of all my friends, I know the least about Shauna. I don't know what I could do to comfort her. So, instead, I find myself just watching her.

"I thought maybe you could help," she says, glancing at me with glassy eyes. "Because I... I've never really been there. I don't know what she's feeling, I can't even fucking sympathize with my sister. But I know you've been there. I thought maybe you could help her, you know? You don't have to, I just thought..."

She stops again and takes a deep shaky breath before looking up at me hesitantly. I'm not sure what I could say to make her feel better, but it seems that a nod was enough to comfort her. She smiles sadly at me through her tears before looking down and wiping the tears from her face. I bring my hand to her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her more.

For a few minutes, we just sit there, as she tries to calm down. Neither of us say anything. Because there is nothing to say.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hi loves! Please read this one even if you don't usually read the author's notes-**

 **So, I'm only planning on writing one chapter for the summer after they graduate because the summer isn't really relevant to the story at all. So, if there's anything that you guys want to see happen over the summer let me know, and I'll try to add it! But otherwise, there's probably not going to be too much.**

 **Also, the song in this chapter is "Alive" by Sia, and if you don't know it, I highly recommend it!**

 **Big thank you to Brokenwings35, BeatriceEaton46, lanainwonderland, dauntless4664, mosuzmartian, and Naruisawesome for your love and kind words! It's always appreciated.**

 **Now, on with the chapter! I hope you guys like it, let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 _"Why can't you be more like your brother?" my father says. "You selfish little brat!"_

 _I can see his eyes staring into me, that look that told me he meant every word. The hatred. I don't know what I did to deserve it. All I know is it stung, every time, just like it does now. The anger is evident on his face, making me wonder what I did this time. Tears come from my eyes, as I try to figure it out._

 _"Honestly, Beatrice," my mother says. "You need to stop instigating."_

What did I do?

 _The thought echoes in my mind, but no matter how much I try to open my mouth and ask, the words simply won't come out. I just stand there, looking at the two of them with tears coming from my eyes, as if I was a child again._

 _Suddenly, they're gone. Replaced by Peter who stares at me with a similar expression, except his is matched with a_ _smirk rather than a scowl._

 _"You're worthless," he says, his words echoing through my skull. "Nobody is ever going to love you. You're lucky I even keep you around."_

 _And then, he's gone. Replaced by Al. We are standing on a bridge. He stands near the edge, his back turned toward the edge, as he smiles at me._

 _"It'll be okay, Tris," he says. "Life will get better. You just have to hold on."_

 _And then, with the smile still on his face, he falls backward. To plummet to his death._

 _Tears are still falling endlessly from my eyes. Now I'm in front of a grave with Al's name on it. I hear someone crying. I look to my left, only to see Al's mother. Her eyes are swollen from crying._

 _"Did you know?" she asks._

 _I know what she is asking. Did I know that he was thinking about suicide? Of course, I knew. But I couldn't say that. I couldn't admit that this was all my fault. That I could have done something to save him, but I didn't._

 _"No," I tell her._

 _She turns to me, her face suddenly contorted with anger._

 _"Liar!"_

* * *

"What do you think it all means?" Doctor Reyes asks, or Johanna as she told me to call her.

"That I still feel guilty obviously," I shrug. "I guess that would explain why I still have nightmares too."

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Because I knew," I say simply. "I knew he was thinking about it, and I didn't even talk to him about it. He was just gone one day, and I could have stopped it. And even though people say it's wrong for my father to act the way he did, sometimes I feel guilty that I couldn't be good enough for him. I wanted to, but I just couldn't for some reason."

"Did he treat your brother the same way?"

"Not really," I reply. "I mean, he yelled at him sometimes but never as much as he yelled at me. And when he yelled at him, it was never personal insults like he did with me."

"And you blame yourself for the way he talked to you?"

"Sometimes," I mumble.

She nods and writes something down in her notes, as I push the rake through the zen garden next to me.

"That seems like a lot to carry."

I look up at her curiously, but her face offers no hint about what she means. Her face is the same as it always is- intense, yet peaceful, and her eyes are always smiling even when she isn't.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Blaming yourself for not being a certain way. Blaming yourself for someone's death." She tilts her head a bit. "It's a lot for one person to carry on their shoulders. That kind of burden can bury a person."

"Well, maybe that's what I deserve," I mutter.

"Do you really believe that?" She looks at me for a moment, but I say nothing. "If someone else was in your position, would you tell them that it was their fault?"

Before I can think too far into it, my mind immediately jumps to Uriah. Marlene was his best friend. He must have known more about her situation than the rest of us. He must have known that something was wrong, just like I had my suspicions with Al. Surely, he must feel guilty for what happened. Still, I would never blame him for Marlene's actions. But it doesn't feel that way when I apply that thought process to my situation.

"I wouldn't," I answer. "But in this case, it still feels like my fault."

"I guess we've hit the root of our problems, haven't we?"

"What would that be?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Your burden is far too heavy for your shoulders," she says. "It's obvious that you're hurting, but you don't have to be. You need to learn to forgive yourself. Only then can you truly get better."

I sit in silence, trying to take in her words. I ask myself if I could ever forgive myself for everything that has happened. Of course, I know that everything that has happened to me has been my fault in some way. But maybe, with her help, I can at least move past it. I hope I can.

* * *

Uriah's eyes follow me, as I pace back and forth in the backstage area. The show will be starting in about fifteen minutes, which means that all of our friends are here already, as is most of the audience. I made the mistake of looking out to see how many people were here. It seems like the entire school showed up. I have been biting at my nails so much that I wonder how there is anything left. Everybody else is walking around and preparing and completely ignoring me, as I quietly panic. Well, everyone except Uriah, who is sitting on a stool and staring at me.

"Can you stop walking around like that?" he says. "You're making me dizzy."

"I can't do it," I decide, finally stopping and facing him. "I think we should pull out."

"One, that's what she said." I roll my eyes at him, as he stands up. "And two, there's no way. We've practiced way too much for this! What's freaking you out so much, anyway?"

"I just don't think I can do this." When I look up, I see that Uriah is typing something on his phone. "Who are you texting?"

"My mom," he shrugs and puts his phone back in his pocket a moment later.

"Is she even here?" I ask. "I thought she was working."

"She is, but..." He waves dismissively. "Look, Tris, I know you're scared, but I promise you're gonna do great."

"You don't know that," I counter. "You can't know that. What if I trip and fall on my face the second I get onstage?"

"Why don't you tell me what you're actually freaking out about?"

I cross my arms over my chest and sigh, as he looks at me expectantly. I'm not sure how to explain to him that the words that he wants me to sing in front of the entire school are so incredibly personal to me. It almost feels like reading my diary aloud to all of them. And I'm supposed to do that without batting an eye.

"What's going on?"

I spin around and find myself face-to-face with Tobias. I raise an eyebrow at him before turning to look at Uriah, who is smiling nervously.

"You said you were texting your mom, Uriah," I say accusingly.

"Okay, fine," he sighs. "I was texting Four, but that's only because I figured if anyone could get you to stop freaking out, it'd be him!"

"Can someone tell me what I'm doing back here?" Tobias asks, as one of the other performers scurries past him to prepare something or other. "Or why I got an 'S.O.S.' text and nothing seems to be wrong?"

"It's nothing-"

"Tris is freaked out and doesn't want to perform anymore," Uriah answers, making me glare at him.

Tobias looks between us for a moment before he sighs and takes my good wrist in my hand so that he can lead me out into the hallway so that we are not in the other performers' way, as they prepare everything. When we get into the hallway, Tobias stands in front of me and moves his hand down to lace his fingers through mine.

"Now, can you tell me what's going on?" he asks.

"Nothing," I mutter. "I just don't think it's such a good idea."

"Why? I mean, haven't you and Uriah been practicing for this just about every day?"

"Every other day," I correct him. He gives me a look, and I sigh. "Uriah is the only one who's ever heard any of these words. I mean, even _you_ haven't heard them. Now I'm supposed to go up in front of everyone and just spill out my most personal thoughts like it's nothing?"

"No, it's not nothing," he says, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. "But it is a chance to finally be open and show everyone that you have something to say. It's a chance for you to be brave. Don't you remember what happened the last time I told you to be brave?"

I roll my eyes, though I can't help but smile a little at the memory.

"Of course I do," I reply.

"Notice how something good always happens when I tell you to be brave?" he smirks.

"This is different."

"Is it?" he asks.

I groan and drop my head to rest it on his chest, as his arms circle around me. He stays silent for a moment, and I do too, as I consider it. Just the thought of going out there in front of everyone is terrifying. But I know that he has a point. I want to be brave. I want to, and I know that he wants to help me get there.

"It'll only be a few minutes," he reassures me. "And then, it'll be over."

"He's right!" I pull away from Tobias abruptly and spin around, only to see Uriah staring back at me. "Sorry, but they just posted the line-up, and they asked if we were ready, so I came to find you."

I bite my lip, as both of them look at me expectantly.

"What do you think, Tris?" Tobias asks.

I look from him to the hopeful look on Uriah's face.

"Okay," I sigh. "Let's do it."

* * *

 _I was born in a thunderstorm_  
 _I grew up overnight_  
 _I played alone, I played on my own_  
 _I survived..._

 _I wanted everything I never had_  
 _Like the love that comes with light_  
 _I wore envy and I hated that_  
 _But I survived..._

 _I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go_  
 _Where the wind don't change, and nothing in the ground can ever grow_  
 _No hope, just lies_  
 _And you're taught to cry into your pillow_  
 _But I survived..._  
 _I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing_  
 _I'm alive_

* * *

"That was amazing!"

All I see is a flash of brown hair before Christina has thrown herself into my arms. I chuckle a little, as the rest of our friends walk over to meet us. From the corner of my eye, I can see Shauna and Zeke approaching Uriah to look at the small trophy that we won. I still find it hard to believe that we actually won, considering how nervous I was just to perform in the first place.

"That was pretty sweet," Zeke agrees, as he claps Uriah on the shoulder.

Uriah smiles a bit before turning his attention to Christina who has left me and gone to give him a hug. As we stand there, talking and making comments about the trophy, Tobias puts his arm around my shoulders and leans down so that only I will hear him.

"I'm proud of you, you know," he says.

"I'm proud of me, too," I say, actually meaning it.

"I propose we move this little gathering to my house!" Zeke calls out suddenly. "Since it might be the last time we'll all be together in my house."

"What about the graduation party?" Christina pouts.

"We're doing that at my house," Shauna says.

"And then, every party after that will be in my... Wait for it," Zeke grins. "Dorm!"

"Or mine," Shauna says, nudging his shoulder.

"But most likely, mine," Zeke smirks.

She rolls her eyes but smiles at him. Finally, we decide to start walking to the parking lot so that we can drive to Zeke's house. As we walk, I find myself next to Shauna, and I notice that she is more quiet than usual.

"Where's Lynn, anyway?" I ask her.

"She didn't feel like coming with us," Shauna shrugs, though I can tell that she is upset. "She stayed home with my mom and Hector. You haven't gotten a chance to talk to her yet, have you?"

"No, not yet," I tell her, feeling guilt creep up on me yet again. "But I will."

She looks at me and smiles just the slightest bit before responding.

"I believe you."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

When my name is called, I don't feel any kind of excitement. It just feels like any other day. I know that I should be proud of myself for graduating high school, and I am, but it really just feels like another step in my life. It doesn't feel like a milestone. Still, I wouldn't say that to Amar since he would probably try to convince me that this is something to be excited about.

Zeke even babbles on about how excited he is, and Shauna seems excited as well, as we walk through the field, trying to find everyone. Finally, my eyes find Hana, who is standing and talking with Amar. Uriah is with her, so I assume that everyone is there, though I can't tell yet because of the crowd.

"My baby's a high school graduate!" Hana cries out, as we get closer. "I'm so proud of my cuddle-bug!"

"Mom," Zeke groans, as she throws her arms around him.

I grin at him, and he rolls his eyes, as I continue on my way to Amar.

"Congratulations, cuddle-bug," he says mockingly, making Zeke groan again. "And congratulations, Four."

"Couldn't have done it without you, Amar," I tell him truthfully.

He smiles at me and pats my shoulder, as everybody else starts to circle around us. My eyes find Tris, who was already staring at me. She smiles, but before I can even take a step toward her, Uriah flings himself over to me and throws his arms around me.

"I'm so proud of you, Four!" he yells before pretending to wipe a tear off his face. "Oh god, I swore I wouldn't cry!"

"Shut it, Uriah," I mutter, as I push him away from me.

Before he can respond, I start walking toward the one person that I really wanted to see this whole time. Christina looks at her knowingly before leaving her side to go congratulate Zeke. Still, I can feel Amar's eyes on me, as I walk toward her. She seems to know that he is watching us, too, since her cheeks turn pink, as I stop in front of her.

"Congratulations," she says softly, smiling up at me. She looks me up and down. "That graduation gown looks good on you, by the way."

"Oh, I know. I'm rocking it, aren't I?"

She laughs a little, and I find myself smiling at the sound. I am interrupted before I can say anything else.

"Hey, Four!" I turn around to see Amar grinning at me. Everyone else is watching us, too, now since Amar drew attention to us. "Smile, I want a picture of the love birds."

I look at Tris for approval, and I notice that she is blushing even more now. She looks up at me and nods wordlessly.

"All right," I reply, as I put my arm around her shoulders. "But hurry up."

"Why?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow at me. "Something you'd rather be doing?"

I roll my eyes, as he grins back at me. Finally, he lifts the camera and takes the picture. We separate almost immediately, though I'm not sure if it's because it's too hot for us to be so close to each other while I am wearing this robe or if it's because Amar has successfully done his job of embarrassing her. Eventually, she goes to congratulate Zeke, and all of my friends begin to talk among themselves. As they do, I approach Amar who simply smirks at me.

"Pleased with yourself, are you?" I mutter.

"I am," he says. "In fact, I'm going to frame it and give it to you as your wedding gift."

"Amar," I groan.

"Now, go stand over there," he grins. "We need some more pictures."

* * *

Somehow we all ended up in the backyard, as Shauna's family and family friends fill the house and some roam around the backyard away from us. We ended up taking over the swing-set. Hector has not used it in some time, but the family never got around to taking it down, so here we are. Shauna sits on the slide, Zeke is sitting on the wooden landing, Tris and Christina are sitting on the two swings, and Lynn, Uriah, Myra, and I are sitting on the grass around the set. Apparently, the girls agreed to all wear sundresses today. I know because Tris was complaining earlier about how Christina forced her to. Still, I can't help but notice how good it looks on her.

As she sits on the swing, her soft blonde hair falls over her shoulders, and the light sundress makes her skin look like it's glowing. I can't help but think about how much grief I would get if anybody could hear my thoughts right now, but I can't help it. Soon, I know that I might not be able to see her everyday. I know things will be different. I just want to remember everything about her now while she is still in front of me, before everything changes. She looks up, her eyes meeting mine. I feel hypnotized, as she smiles a bit at me before her cheeks turn pink, and she looks down. I only look away when Uriah nudges me from his place next to me on the ground. He smirks at me, and I simply roll my eyes at him.

"We made it," Shauna sighs, as she leans back on the slide. "We're finally out of that hellhole!"

"Now onto the next hellhole," Christina smirks.

"Hey, at least this hellhole has more booze!" Zeke says.

They laugh a bit before they start talking about all of the things they want to do in their first year. Zeke keeps talking about how he wants to have parties in his dorm. He keeps saying he needs to have as many parties in his dorm as he can since he wants to eventually move off campus with the other football guys. Shauna said that she wants to fill a water bottle with vodka and bring it to class to see if any of the professors notice. When they ask me, I just shrug and say that it'll be nice being able to skip class for no reason. Zeke automatically agrees, though he goes on to say that it'll be nice being able to skip class when he's hungover.

"Well, while you guys are drinking in class and partying everyday," Christina smirks, "I hope you guys think about us from time to time."

"Christina, you guys are invited to all my parties!" Zeke insists.

"But we're still gonna miss you guys," Tris finishes, as her and Christina glance at each other in understanding. "It's gonna be weird without you guys here."

"Well, then we just have to make the most out of the summer while we're still here," I say, though I am only looking at Tris.

She smiles at me before looking down again.

"I have to say," Christina says, "I wasn't expecting anything like that to ever come from Four."

"I'm full of surprises," I mutter.

She smirks at me, as everybody else laughs. Then, we start talking about all the things we need to do over the summer. The entire time, I try not to think about how much things might change next year.

I never thought that I could ever feel this much for anyone. But now that I do, I know that losing her is the last thing I want to do. I know that things will be different next year. But I find myself thinking that it couldn't possibly be as difficult as this year. I can only hope.


	31. Chapter 31

**Okay guys, I'll own up to it. I didn't like the last chapter all that much but that's because I rushed it. This one I didn't, so I'm hoping it's better - I do feel a lot more confident about it.**

 **In other news, I'm getting my first tattoo soon! I keep wishing it was like the Divergent movie where they just put something on you, press a button, and it's done rather than painful needles! But unfortunately, we are not in the Divergent world, so I know it's gonna hurt, but I'm still so excited!**

 **But enough about me! Lots of thanks to notalways0kay, mosuzmartian, BeatriceEaton46, Glimmande Solsken, Naruisawesome, Brokenwings35, citizensg1, singratheartg, Divergentlover04, and Guest for your kind words and support! I really appreciate your feedback!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. Like I said, probably the only chapter for summer. Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Lynn hasn't been able to find a summer job yet. I know because that is the first thing she said when I told her I had the day off and asked if she had time to hang out. Now, we are sitting together in the park and playing a game of truth because I am too scared to bring up what Shauna asked me to talk about with her. I know that it has to be done in the right way, but I can't seem to figure out what the right way is.

"My turn," Lynn says. "How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Two, counting Four. Have you ever dated a girl?"

"Not yet," she replies.

"When are you going to come out, then?"

"Only one question at a time, Tris." She rolls her eyes. "Or we could just stop this game altogether. It's not like I don't know what you're trying to do."

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" I ask.

"Look, I'll bet you a million dollars that Shauna sent you." She looks at me, but my eyes move to the grass immediately. "And I know you suggested that game of truth just so you could eventually figure out what happened and then report back to her."

"I don't have to 'report back to her'," I try to reassure her. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

I look up, and she stares back at me for a moment with a harsh expression. Eventually, she looks away and shakes her head a bit. I can tell that she is conflicted. That a part of her must understand why I am doing this, but the rest of her- her defensive side- just wants me to leave her alone.

"I don't know what I was thinking, all right?" she mutters. "I had a headache. I went to the bathroom to get something for it, and when I opened up the medicine cabinet, I just saw bottles of pills. And I just started thinking about how easy it was for her to collect all the pills she needed.

"I was out of it, thinking about her, by the time Shauna came in. And when she did, when she basically accused me of doing the same thing as Marlene, I got so mad. I mean, we barely talk, and then she has the nerve to barge in and act like she knows it all? I was just so fucking mad at her, at everything, that... everything just came out.

"I didn't mean it. Or maybe I did, at the time. But I know now that it was stupid. I was just speaking out of anger. I was angry at Shauna and upset about Marlene, and I guess it just all came crashing down on me."

She sighs and rests her elbows on her thighs, as she looks around for a moment. I watch her, not really knowing what to say. But luckily, it doesn't seem as if she wants a response.

"I just miss her," she continues more quietly, looking at the open air instead of me. "I miss her every day. And sometimes, I wonder what things could have been like, if she had just read that letter. And, you know, if she felt the same way. I know it's stupid because we were never even together, but sometimes I feel like I'll never get over her. Like there won't be anyone else."

"But there will."

She looks at me again at this and quirks an eyebrow at me.

"How do you know?" she asks.

"Because I didn't think there would be anyone after my ex boyfriend either," I tell her.

"I thought your..." she trails off for a moment. "I mean, I've heard some things. I thought your ex boyfriend was really bad."

"He was." I nod at her. "That's why I thought I would never want anyone else after that. It's different, but it ends the same way."

"Why _did_ you stay with him so long?" My mouth snaps shut at this, and I look down at my lap. "I'm guessing I'm being too blunt."

"No, it's okay," I say, trying to shrug as if I don't care. "I guess he just seemed so nice and good at first. And then, by the time I realized how bad he really was, it was too late."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"I was too far in it. I was afraid of him. He threatened me, he threatened to hurt Christina, and anybody else that I cared about. When I found out that he was selling drugs for Eric, he told me that he would kill me if I told anyone. And Eric doesn't mess around with things like that. I knew he meant it- that they would really kill me if I said anything about either of them. So, I stayed because I was too afraid to leave."

"Wow," she says slowly. "No offense, but I can't imagine you as a drug dealer's girlfriend."

"Why... Actually, I'll take that as a compliment." She smirks at this, and I decide to continue. "My point is, I thought I could never move on after that. I was afraid that anyone else would be the same. But then, Four came along and proved that I could move on. And I think, one day, somebody will come along to help you move on, too. But until then, I'm here for you."

"You're a sap," she mutters, making me roll my eyes. "Thank you."

"Any time."

She smiles a bit, though she isn't looking at me anymore. I can't help but smile as well, as we sit there in silence for a moment. I hope that my words have comforted her. And I can only hope that they will come true for her.

* * *

It is about dinner time when I get back to Tori's house. Tori asked me to be back by now if I could. Since she has been so easy going and lenient, I feel even more motivation to do the few things that she actually asks for.

"You're just in time," she yells from the kitchen, as I close the front door. "Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."

"Great," I yell back. "Do you need any help?"

As I walk into the kitchen, she smiles and shows me what to do. She laughs, as I _try_ to help her cook, but I've never been very good at it. She continues trying to teach me, and I end up laughing with her too.

The entire time, I can't help but think about how different things are now. If it were my mother in Tori's place, she would be scolding me and commenting how pathetic it is that I can't do this correctly. But Tori doesn't say any of that. She just laughs it off and keeps trying to help me.

And although I know it is morbid, I start to wonder what it would have been like to grow up with Tori instead of my family.

Would I have been more confident? Happier?

I know that I am happier now. I know that I feel more at home here than I ever felt with my family.

"There you go!" Tori grins, as I finally do something right. "You're a natural."

"Right," I say, rolling my eyes.

She chuckles, as she watches me. Before either of us can say anything more, the doorbell rings. She tells me to keep cooking and that she will be right back before she leaves the kitchen to answer the door. I hear the door open and moments later, I hear a familiar voice. I stop my movements immediately to listen, but it is hard to tell if it is who I think it is since they sound so far away. I continue cooking, hoping that it isn't who I think it is.

"There's someone here to see you," Tori says slowly.

I turn around, and my breath catches in my throat. First, my eyes land on Tori, who is staring at me with a concerned look. And then, my eyes shift to the person next to her.

Caleb.

* * *

The food that Tori cooked sits on the counter, untouched, as the three of us sit at the kitchen table. I can feel Caleb's eyes on me, though I am looking down at my hands which rest on the table, as one of them messes with the cast around my wrist. Caleb explains the conversation that he had with Cara, why he is here, but I find myself unable to take any of it seriously. I cannot feel any sympathy for the person who abandoned me.

"That's why I'm here," Caleb finally concludes. "I think Cara was right, about the idea of closure. I think it's important to-"

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before," I snap.

"It wasn't my idea for you to leave without saying goodbye," he argues. "It wasn't my idea for you to leave while I was still asleep."

"But it was your idea for me to leave." He says nothing to this, as I glare at him. "Forgive me for not wanting to wake up in that apartment again."

"Beatrice, I'm not here to argue," he says. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. To say goodbye."

I feel anger coursing through me at his words.

"Fine," I mutter, as I stand up from my chair. "Goodbye, then. Don't come back this time."

I hear him call after me, as I storm out of the room but I don't respond. My feet carry me all the way up the stairs and into my room where I collapse onto my bed. I hear movement and voices downstairs though I cannot hear what they're saying since I closed my door. But after a few minutes have passed, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I stay laying on my stomach, as I hear my door open. I simply turn my head just in time to see Tori sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"He's gone?" I ask.

"Yes," she replies, placing her hand on my shoulder. "He gave me his number in case you ever want to see him again."

"No," I mutter.

I find myself thinking that it's just like Caleb to do something like this. To abandon me and only come back to leave again. And though I was the one to end the interaction, I can guess that I ended up more hurt than him. Because now I feel as if I didn't just lose my brother once, but twice.

* * *

Tobias decided to pick me up after work today because I was working late. I told him that I would be fine since the two people that were threats to me are now gone, but he said that it would make him feel better anyway. He stops the car in front of Tori's house and turns it off just as I have finished telling him about the interaction with Caleb.

"So that's all that happened?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "It didn't last very long. I didn't want it to."

He nods his head slowly, as his hand finds mine.

"Do you think you want to see him again?"

"No," I say certainly. "Not after everything that's happened. I'm not even sure that I can consider him my family anymore."

"I understand," Tobias says, and I suppose he is thinking about his father. "I know it's hard to lose family, Tris. But maybe that's why you have Tori now. Just like I have Amar. Maybe you don't share the same blood, but she can still be your family."

"Yeah, maybe," I say, mostly because the thought has crossed my mind.

"Maybe that's why I'm here." I look up at him, as he strokes the back of my hand with his thumb, and he stares back at me. "We both lost our families. But that doesn't mean that we can't be each other's."

I bite my lip, as he looks at me hopefully.

"I'd like that," is all I can bring myself to say.

He smiles a bit, as he stares back at me. And for a moment, I think maybe I can forget about everything with Caleb and the past as a whole. Maybe I can think of the future instead. A future that I hope Tobias will be a part of.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

Dating Four has its perks. At least, that's what Tris says from the front seat of his car, as Uriah, Lynn, Myra, and I pile into the back seat. I end up on Uriah's lap, and of course he is completely happy with that.

We decided to go on a short trip to Montrose Beach, since Shauna's aunt owns a house near there, and she said that Shauna could use it since she was so proud of her graduation. Since Shauna arranged everything, nobody could say anything when she insisted on driving alone with Zeke, even if that meant we all had to pile into Four's car.

I yelp, as the map in Uriah's hands hits me in the face. That's the only downside of sitting in his lap: no personal space.

"This shit is so confusing," Uriah groans as he looks at the map.

"Why are we even using that?" I ask. "We all have smart phones!"

"I don't have a smart phone," Tris pipes in.

"Nobody asked you!"

"Everybody shut up," Uriah says. "I'm trying to read this."

"Four, if you had just kept up with Zeke and Shauna, this wouldn't be a problem, and we wouldn't even need this map-"

"You don't need it at all," Four says tiredly. "It's thirty minutes away, just pull it up on your phone."

"Battery's dead."

"Everybody shush!"

"You shush!

"Okay, that's it," Four grumbles.

We all look up, as Four pulls over to the side of the road and reaches behind him to yank to map out of Uriah's hands, who then pouts like a child who lost his toy. He looks at the map for a moment before he nods and hands it to Tris.

"Okay, we're good," Four says, as he starts driving again.

And so, we continue on our way with Uriah trying to get the map back from Tris and Tris scolding him for it every five minutes. Nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"Ah, puppy!" Uriah yells, as we start putting our things down in the sand.

"Yes, Uriah," Tris says, rolling her eyes. "That's like the twentieth puppy we've seen."

"I'm sorry, guys," Shauna sighs. "I didn't know this was a dog beach."

"Don't worry about it!" Christina pipes in happily. "The only thing better than a beach day is a beach day with puppies!"

Shauna giggles, as we all sit down, ending up in a circle as always. As we all sit there, Christina says that we probably shouldn't go into the water just in case a dog decided to use it as a fire hydrant while Uriah whines that there is no point in going to the beach if he cannot go into the water.

"Why don't you play volleyball, Uri?" Tris suggests, reminding me of an appeasing babysitter. "Weren't you excited to do that?"

"Ooh, you're right!" Uriah exclaims, as he picks up the volleyball. "I'm a team captain, and I choose Tris!"

"Uri, my wrist is still broken."

"Oh, right. Sorry." He makes an inquisitive noise, as he looks around at all of us. "Then, I pick Christina."

"Oh great," she mutters. "Second choice."

Zeke decides to name himself team captain as well, and he chooses Shauna and Lynn, leaving Uriah, Christina, and Myra. Zeke chose me originally, of course, but I decided to sit out with Tris. Of course, I got a couple of 'aw's from the girls and 'whipped' from the boys, but that doesn't matter much to me. I simply sit on the ground with Tris leaning up against me, as we watch our friends play volleyball a little too intensely. Some of the people nearby even give us looks, as Uriah starts to scream dramatically every time Christina or Myra mess up. I roll my eyes, as Tris laughs at him. She drops her head on my shoulder, still chuckling, and I wrap my arm around her waist.

"What a cute little deranged family," she comments.

* * *

We sit in the living room of the house later that night, some of us on couches, and some on the floor. Besides Shauna who is sitting on Zeke's lap on the armchair. Tris and I are sitting on the couch while Lynn and Myra lay on their stomachs on the floor, and Christina and Uriah sit together on the floor. We are all waiting because, apparently, Zeke and Shauna have a surprise for us.

"Okay, guys," Shauna says, as she reaches into the bag in her lap. "Here it is."

We all watch her, as she reaches in and pulls out a bottle of liquor. She smiles at us, almost nervously before Zeke decides to take over.

"I know we said that we would stay sober until college," he says. "But we thought it would be okay to celebrate our graduation. Plus, we don't have to get drunk like we used to. We thought it would be cool just to reminisce with it, since we're not gonna be around each other that much next year."

There is silence for a moment, as everybody seems to consider this. Until eventually, Christina raises her hands, as if she is signaling for them to throw it. Shauna smiles a bit before handing the bottle to her. Christina looks at it for a moment before opening it up, the cap making a snapping sound as she does. She looks around at all of us for a moment.

"Okay, so before I met you guys, it was pretty much just me and Tris," she says, looking at Tris. "And obviously, I was happy to have Tris. But I still think it's really cool to have this many friends again. And a boyfriend..."

Shauna gasps, as Christina looks at Uriah who smiles back at her.

"Wait, what?" she squeals.

"Yes," Christina giggles. "It's official now."

"I want details!"

"Later," she says, winking at Shauna. "Anyway, I'm just really happy to have you guys. I've never had friends who were so... real."

She smiles one more time before taking a sip and handing the bottle to Uriah.

"Obviously, I have a girlfriend now!" He grins, making Christina laugh again. Suddenly, he looks at Tris and smiles again. "And a sister. And even though I lost a friend, I gained a lot more."

He takes a sip before handing it to Lynn. Her eyes look around at each of us before they stop on Tris. But she doesn't say anything. She simply takes a sip of the bottle and passes it to Myra who talks about how she became friends with Christina.

"Careful," Tris comments, as Myra hands her the bottle. "She'll get you to spend all your money, if you let her."

"Oh, I know," Myra smirks. "I learned that the hard way."

They both laugh for a moment, as Christina rolls her eyes, though she is smiling too.

"I'll be honest," Tris starts, as she stares down at the bottle. "I've never had this many friends in my life. But now that I do have you guys, I feel like I got a second chance, like I got to pick my family. And I couldn't have picked a better one."

She takes a sip, and I smile at the way her face contorts like she just tasted a lemon. She hands the bottle to me and rolls her eyes when she sees the smile on my face. I wrap my free arm around her shoulders and look down at the bottle, as I try to think if I should say anything or just pass the bottle like Lynn did. After all, I think they already know that I am not one for making speeches. I look at Tris, as she stares back at me.

"Ditto," I say with a smirk.

Tris smiles and rolls her eyes, as the rest of them laugh quietly. I take a sip from the bottle, grimacing at the burning feeling that trails down my throat before I hand it back to Shauna, who smiles around at all of us.

"I love you all," she says softly. "I don't think I could have gotten through this year without you guys."

Zeke smiles, as he takes the bottle. He stares at it for a moment before raising it in the air.

"To you guys, my family." He grins. "As my man crush Four says, let's make the most of this summer!"

I roll my eyes, as everybody else laughs and calls out in agreement. We continue to talk and laugh for hours after that. Until eventually, all of us fall asleep in our spots.

When I wake up, I can tell that it is dark outside, but the room is illuminated by the lamp in the corner of the room. As I look around, I realize that everybody else is still asleep, and the clock on the wall tells me that it is about four in the morning. I realize that my side feels oddly empty, and that is when I realize that Tris is no longer on the couch with me. I stand up slowly, to avoid waking everybody up, before I start wandering around the house in search of Tris.

When I get to the front of the house, I realize that the front door is slightly open. And when I let myself out, I see her there sitting on the steps. She doesn't seem to hear me, since she doesn't turn around. That is, until I sit down next to her. She looks surprised for a moment before she relaxes, but she doesn't stop staring at me, so I stare right back.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask, as I put my arm around her.

She nods her head wordlessly, but I can tell that she is upset about something. Still, I don't say anything as she leans against me and looks up at the sky.

"Just watching the sunrise," she barely whispers.

"You say that like it's completely normal to go outside at 4 A.M. to watch the sunrise."

"It's not normal," she mutters. "But it's what I'm doing."

"All right, come on." I bring my hand to her cheek to make her look at me. "What's the matter?"

"You already know," she says, as her stormy blue eyes cloud up a bit. "I know you keep saying we'll still see each other next year, but I can't help it. I keep getting upset every time I think about it."

"Then, don't think about," I say. She snorts. "I'm serious. I know it's not the best solution, but maybe it's the solution that could work right now. Instead of worrying about what's going to happen, just focus on what's happening now."

"And make the most of it?" she says, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Yes," I say, unable to hold back a smile. "You have to make memories now so you won't forget me when I'm gone."

"Like I could forget you," she smiles, as she leans into me.

Her lips meet mine before I can respond, but I don't mind. Our lips move together, as if they were made to be connected. I tighten my arm around her waist, wanting her as close to me as possible, until she is almost on my lap, and she brings her hands to either side of my face. A familiar warmth spreads through me, the kind that only she can give me.

We stop for a moment, only for air, and she bites her lip. I rest my forehead against hers, as I stare back at her, and she smiles.

"I love you," I tell her.

Though she does respond, she really didn't have to. The way that she smiles at me is enough to convince me that there is nothing to worry about. I want her to be a part of my future more than anything. But even if that cannot happen, at least I have her right now.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi loves! Big thank you to notalways0kay, velosewer, Guest, mosuzmartian, Naruisawesome, BeatriceEaton46, ManhattanSky, and dauntlessgirlloves4, as always thank you for your kind words! Also, to Book-lover11189 I don't mean to call you out, but I wasn't able to message you for some reason. I'm sorry you didn't like the ending, but if you want, you could tell me why just in case it's something I can use to make future chapters better!**

 **Hmm... I don't have much to say this time haha. So, as usual, I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

It turns out that Zeke was serious when he kept saying we had to make the most of the weekend that we spent at the beach house. Ever since then, he has been spending most of his time with either Shauna or his mother, shopping for dorm things. Now I only ever see him when we play video games at night once a week. Of course I have been spending a lot of my time teaching for the martial arts summer camp. And the rest of the time, I usually end up with Tris. Not that I mind. I've been trying to spend as much time as I could with her so that she might be less upset when it comes time for me to start college.

"How were the kids today?" Amar asks, as he closes the front door behind him.

"If you couldn't tell by the ice pack on my knee," I grumble, "Amber's kicks are getting a little too good."

"She's a tough one, isn't she?" he grins.

I roll my eyes, as he saunters into the kitchen. He comes back in moments later with a cup in his hand and sits down on the armchair while I stay sitting on the couch with my leg propped on the coffee table.

"She must be a real kicker if she's keeping you from that girlfriend of yours," he comments before taking a sip from the cup.

"She had plans with her best friend tonight," I mutter, making him chuckle. "When are you going to stop teasing me about this?"

"When it stops being amusing." He smirks. "So, never."

"Great."

"I'm just amazed," he says. "You know you've smiled more in the time you've been with her than you have in the entire time I've known you."

"And?" I ask, though I have to hold back a smile just at the thought.

"And, I think she's a keeper," he smiles. "Why don't you invite her over for dinner one day?"

I look at him for a moment, and he raises an eyebrow at me, signaling that he is serious. I simply nod at him in response, deciding that it might be a good idea for the two of them to interact in a place other than the gym when he walks in on us.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

I pick up my purse and throw it over my shoulder. Zeke is already waiting outside with his truck, since we are going dorm shopping again. As I get ready, I hear music playing from Lynn's room.

Tris told me about the conversation she had with Lynn, though she didn't go into specifics. It helped at least to calm my nerves, since I know now that she isn't actually planning to do anything to herself. Still, I feel as if I haven't been the best sister because I didn't notice that she was feeling this way before. I know that I don't talk to her as much as I should, and we are not nearly as close as sisters should be.

As I leave my room, I stop in front of hers. Her door is open for once, but her back is to me, as she sits on her bed with a notebook in her lap. I knock lightly on the door frame and she looks up at me before rolling her eyes and looking back down.

"Hey," I call out to her anyway. "I'm going dorm shopping with Zeke. Did you want to come with us?"

"No, thanks," she mutters.

"Are you sure?" I try again. "We're going to dinner afterwards. It'll be fun."

"Nope."

"Okay, you know what? I'm gonna be gone soon. It doesn't make much sense to ignore me while I'm still here." She doesn't respond. I walk over to her bedside table and pick up her phone to shut off the music, and she glares at me. "You're gonna miss me, just like I'm gonna miss you. So, why don't you stop blowing me off?"

"Stop blowing you off?" she says angrily. "You mean, the way you've _been_ blowing me off?"

"When do I blow you off?" I scoff.

"You know, you're a real piece of work if you really don't know the answer to that question."

We glare back at each other before I feel tears of anger prickling in my eyes. I roll my eyes before dropping her phone back on the bedside table and walking toward the door. She says nothing, but I hear the music start again seconds later. The sound fuels my anger, and I find myself stopping at the doorway and turning back to her.

"You know what? Fuck it. I'm not gonna miss you." She raises an eyebrow at me, but I don't let her respond. "I'm gonna throw a fucking party when I'm away from you."

Before she can say anything, I storm off. I don't stop until I have gone downstairs and out the front door where Zeke is still waiting in his truck. I climb into the passenger seat, feeling as if there is a cloud in my mind.

"Hey," Zeke says, his expression laced with concern. "Are you okay?"

And just like that, the cloud dissolves. I feel the tears pushing to come out, as I finally come to my senses. I begin to realize exactly what I said. To my sister.

"No," is all I can bring myself to say. "I'm not."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Okay, I have an idea," Uriah says, as we look at the items piled in Amar's car, Zeke's truck, and Tobias' car. "What if we tie a rope on his balcony and just hoist it all up instead of walking up the stairs with everything?"

I look at him, as he stares back at me hopefully. Today, we are moving everything into Tobias' apartment. Zeke, Uriah, Amar, and me. I'm not sure what I'm doing here since I cannot really lift much, but Tobias said he wanted me here and now it seems, by some unspoken agreement, my job became watching Uriah so that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Uri, why would we do that?" I ask him. "And where would we even find rope?"

"I carry rope with me all the time." He shrugs. "Don't you?"

"Why... Never mind, I don't want to know."

"All right," Zeke yells, as he picks something out of his truck. "Let's go!"

Uriah and I both exchange a look before we start toward the truck to start unpacking. Tobias, Zeke, and Amar go ahead of us while Uriah continues to explain what he calls a much more effective system of unpacking to me. Luckily, I manage to convince him to just keep unpacking the way they want us to before he can actually do anything.

Eventually, I end up at Zeke's truck by myself, as the boys carry more boxes upstairs. As I pull something out, I feel someone come up next to me, and I look to see that it is Amar.

"You might want to put that down," he says. "Zeke dropped a lamp down the stairs. They'll be arguing in the stairwell for at least a few minutes."

I roll my eyes at this, as we both lean back against the truck.

"Thanks for the warning," I say.

He nods his head but says nothing for a moment. We simply stand there, leaning against Zeke's truck, looking around. After all, I only know Amar from the times that he walked in on Tobias and I during practices, so I'm not sure what I should say to him.

"I'm glad you're here," he says finally, making me look at him. "You know, I wasn't kidding when I said Four talks about you all the time. He really wanted you here."

"Really?" I ask.

"It's a nice change," he tells me, nodding his head. "He always used to be so cross and quiet. Now, it's like he lights up whenever you come up in a conversation. Which happens often, usually because he brings you up. He's been through a lot, you know."

"I know," I say, almost feeling pained at the thought.

"Sometimes I feel like you could be the end of it," he sighs. "Ever since I got him, there were so many days where he would just live in the past or bury himself with his anger. But when you come up, I can tell he's not obsessing over the past anymore."

I look at him to check if he means what he is saying, and when he looks at me, I can tell that he is genuine. He smiles a bit at me, and I can't help but return it. We stand there in silence for another moment, as I consider everything he has said. Tobias has been helping me so much to move past everything. But I never stopped to think that I might be helping him, too.

"Well, they should be done bickering by now," Amar says, as he pushes away from the truck. "Shall we?"

I nod at him, as I pick something up and follow him into the building.

* * *

Zeke, Uriah, and Amar left about an hour ago, but I am still here because apparently Tobias wanted me to stay. We have been attempting to unpack everything, but it seems like we haven't even made a dent. Eventually, we end up sitting on his mattress since he hasn't put the bed frame together yet, and he doesn't have a sofa yet. He sighs, as he puts his arm around me and looks around the living room.

"What do you think?" he asks suddenly, still looking around.

"I think it's perfect for you," I tell him honestly.

He smiles a bit before looking at me. He rubs my shoulder lightly and presses his lips to my forehead before speaking again.

"You know you can come here," he says, "any time you want."

"Except days when you're in class or busy with homework," I add. "Or with your new friends."

"Me?" He scoffs jokingly. "I'm antisocial, I don't make friends."

"What about that guy that broke your lamp today?" I ask teasingly.

"Him?" He grins. "That was just some psycho I stumbled across one day."

"And his brother."

"And his brother," he chuckles, nodding his head at me.

I bite my lip to hold back a grin, as he smiles back at me. I realize that soon, I am going to miss these moments, where we can just sit with each other and joke around and talk. But at least I get to enjoy the moment now. As he stares back at me, I can tell by the look on his face that he might be thinking the same thing. Before I can ask, he has leaned in to kiss me, and I gladly accept it. And as he does, I try not to think about how hard it will be, not being able to kiss him any time I want.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

Moving into my dorm was a little awkward. Zeke is here, too, moving into his dorm, but he isn't here to help me since we both have our entire family to help us. For me, that means that my mother, Hector, and Lynn all came. Things are still tense between Lynn and I, but luckily my mother hasn't seemed to notice.

So, the entire moving in process consists of my mother yelling at Hector to help me, and my mother putting things away where she thinks they should go. Meaning I'll have to reorganize my entire room as soon as she leaves.

My roommate isn't here yet because she had the later moving time slot. I'm both excited and terrified to meet her. Luckily, Zeke has a single room right now, so if things are really bad with my roommate, at least I can sleep there since we're in the same building. Just another plus of going to college: being able to sleep in my boyfriend's room without my mother ever knowing.

"Everything is so girly in here," Hector whines, as we start to unpack. "I'm going to look at Zeke's room!"

I roll my eyes, as he runs out of the room, and my mother runs after him. Though I realize quickly that that leaves just Lynn and I in the room. We both look at each other, as if we both just had the realization. The only noise that fills the room is the slightly distant sound of other people moving into their rooms, milling around in the hallway. Still, I know that we cannot just stand here in silence. And I certainly can't leave my sister on such a horrible note.

"Lynn-"

"You're sorry," she says before I can say it. "I know. Me too."

"You are?" I ask incredulously.

"Yeah," she mutters. "I was mad at you, but I still shouldn't have ignored you."

"And I shouldn't have said what I said," I tell her. "I really am sorry."

We stand there in silence for a moment, me looking at her and her staring down at the floor.

"Maybe the distance will help us," she says suddenly. "Maybe it's what we need."

"Maybe," I agree, as I take a step toward her. "But I hope you know, even with the distance, you're still my sister. And I still love you."

She looks up at me and nods her head a bit. She doesn't say anything, but I didn't really expect her to. Eventually, my mother returns, dragging Hector along behind her. And eventually, they decide to go back home. But this time, I don't feel guilt watching them walk away. Instead, I feel a strange sense of closure.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Today is the first day of school without Tobias, Zeke, and Shauna. I know that I should be happy because this is my last year of high school. But a bigger part of me is just missing him. He started his classes already, and he said that they are great so far. He has even made a couple of new friends. I know that I should be excited for him, but instead I just feel nervous.

I sigh, as I put some books into my locker and start walking toward the cafeteria. Christina, Uriah, Myra, and Lynn must already be there since we were lucky enough to get the same lunch period again. As I walk, I shove one of my books into my bag. Unfortunately, I was looking down long enough that I ended up running into someone.

"Shit!" I hiss, as I stumble back a bit.

"Oh my!"

I look up, as the boy that I ran into picks up a book that he dropped.

 _Oh my?_ my mind repeats. _How cute._

"Sorry, it's my fault for not looking," he says.

I chuckle a little, and he looks at me nervously. I shrug my shoulders, still smiling.

"Sorry, I've never heard anyone my age say 'oh my'," I tell him as an explanation.

"Oh, that." He smiles nervously. "Sorry, I can be a bit old fashioned."

"That's okay. I'm guessing you're new?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Just a bit," I say, holding my hand out for him. "I'm Tris."

"Matthew," he grins, shaking my hand. "So, Tris, do you think you could help me find the cafeteria?"

"Of course, that's where I was just headed." He nods at me, and I decide to answer the question that he is surely too nervous to ask. "You can sit with me and my friends, if you'd like."

"I would," he smiles gratefully. "Thanks."

I smile back at him, as we begin to walk in the direction of the cafeteria. As we walk, I find out that he moved from Pennsylvania. It had something to do with his parents, who he says are divorced, but he wouldn't go into details, and I didn't want to press him. I also find out that he is a senior as well, and he was nervous because he didn't know what to expect, switching schools for his last year.

Luckily, when we get to the table, everybody is welcoming as well, and he seems to fit right in. I find myself thinking of Tori, how she was so selfless to take me in. Now, I understand why she did. It feels good to be a friend to someone in need of one.

"Is he always this... animated?" Matthew asks me, as Uriah begins to tell another joke.

I smile a little and watch Christina, as she always laughs the hardest at his jokes. Finally, I look at Matthew who was already smiling at me and shrug my shoulders.

"Sometimes worse," I tell him.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I decided to work on some homework in the courtyard until my afternoon class. But as I work, I can't help but think about Tris since today is the first day of her senior year. I texted her this morning, but it is not nearly the same as being able to see her and be near her. I let out a sigh, as I try to focus on the task at hand.

"Hey." I look up and see a girl staring down at me. She looks familiar, though I can't place it for a moment. "Aren't you in my Intro to Business class?"

"Oh, yeah," I say, remembering her since our teacher made us all briefly introduce ourselves.

"Sorry to interrupt your studying," she says, sitting down next to me. "I was looking through the syllabus, and I noticed there was a partner project coming up. I figured I would save some anxiety and ask right now if you wanted to work together?"

"Uhm, sure." I shrug.

"Cool."

She smiles and tilts her head a bit. Her lips are red, reminding me of the bright red lipstick that Christina used to wear. Tris told me once that it reminded her of a child who ate too much red candy, and I can't help but smile a bit at the thought.

"So is this your first semester, too?" she asks.

"It is," I tell her. "Seems okay here so far. The classes are good."

"Yeah." She smirks, her eyes looking me up and down so quickly that I barely even register it at first. "The people aren't so bad either."

"Right," I say, wondering if I just imagined it.

"Well, I'd better get going," she says, as she stands up. "But I'll see you around..."

"Four," I offer.

"Four," she repeats, smiling again. "I'm Nita."


	33. Chapter 33

**Oh my gosh, some of your reviews were so funny! You guys are awesome X) Sorry if I upset you guys with the introduction of Nita and Matthew but it was my plan from the beginning so I had to!**

 **Anyway, there are a couple more "events" that need to happen but the story should come to a close in a few chapters so if there's anything you guys wanted to see let me k** **now now so I can add it in!**

 **As always, big thank you to BeatriceEaton46, SeaweedOwlBrain, IAmDivergent246, MastaGamerita, Sawyerrr, Soccerpup17, dauntless4664, Book-lover11189, velosewer, SraEaton46, Naruisawesome, notalways0kay, mosuzmartian, Lonelygirl702, and Brokenwings35. The response to the last chapter was amazing! I hope I can keep it going like that!**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Are you sure Uriah won't mind?" Matthew asks yet again, as we walk down the hallway together.

"For the last time, he will not mind," I say, nudging him playfully.

He smiles at me before looking back down at his feet, as we walk toward the music room. Matthew and I have gotten closer since the first day of school. We talk before school, between classes, during lunch while Uriah tells jokes, and on the bus after school since he happens to live fairly close to Tori's house. While he still hasn't told me anything too personal, I still enjoy talking to him. He is very smart and loved talking about academic things like Caleb. But unlike Caleb, he is sweet and not arrogant in the least.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah calls, as he turns around on the piano bench to look at me. "And you brought Matty!"

Matthew rolls his eyes though he is smiling. He told me after school one day that he absolutely hates being called by any nicknames other than Matthew, though he wouldn't tell me why. But he is too nervous to say anything to Uriah. I suppose I'll have to talk to Uriah about it later.

"Yeah," Matthew replies. "Tris told me about this and I thought it sounded really cool. Plus I play guitar a little so maybe I can help you guys, too."

"Cool! Do you have it?" Uriah asks.

"I left it at home," he explains. "But maybe I can bring it another day."

"Yeah!" He grins. "Bring it Monday!"

"Sounds great," Matthew responds. "I'll just watch today."

"And analyze?" I tease him, since he recently told me that he is a very analytical person.

"Does that make you nervous?" He smirks.

I stick out my tongue at him and he chuckles before sitting down in one of the chairs while I sit next to Uriah on the piano bench. I pick one of the less personal songs to practice today since I feel that it might be weird to expose everything all at once. Throughout the entire practice, he doesn't say much. But he smiles for most of the time. And laughs whenever Uriah gets "animated".

When the warning bell rings, Matthew and I head toward my locker while Uriah goes to meet Christina. When we separate from Uriah, we walk in silence for only a moment before Matthew nudges me and smiles when I look at him.

"You know, that was really cool," he says, before looking down. "You have a beautiful voice."

For a moment, I wonder if he means something by that. But he couldn't possibly. After all, I told him about Tobias. Surely, he wouldn't flirt with me, knowing I have a boyfriend. Still, I realize that I'm not sure how to respond without furthering the slight awkwardness between us now. So, I do what Uriah would do. I make a joke.

"You ought to stop looking down like that." He looks up at me questioningly. "The next person you run into might not be so forgiving."

He chuckles and shakes his head a bit, letting the awkwardness dissolve.

* * *

At the end of the day, we all end up crowded around Christina's locker as usual. Christina, Myra, Lynn, and Uriah will be heading off to the support group in a few minutes. I, however, am now exempt from it since I am seeing a therapist outside of the school. Principal Matthews didn't seem very happy about it, but she allowed it when I brought in a note from Doctor Reyes. She said that she was only accepting it because she knew of Doctor Reyes, and she had seen other students improve after seeing her.

As we stand around Christina's locker, Uriah mentions that Zeke is planning on throwing a party for Halloween. Of course, Christina gets more excited than the rest of us and immediately starts planning, as Uriah smiles at her rambling. Unfortunately, Matthew and I leave the group while they are still planning since we need to get on the bus. We say goodbye to everyone and start walking outside side-by-side.

"So, would you be up for a 'college party'?" I ask, using my fingers as quotes. "I'm sure nobody would mind if you came, too."

"That's not really my thing," he says sheepishly. "Maybe I'll just go trick-or-treating or something."

"Go before the party," I smirk. "Uriah would gladly go with you if it means free candy."

He chuckles, as we walk out the front doors of the school. We start to joke about how him and Uriah should find a couple's costume until I hear someone call out my name. I look around and see Tobias walking toward me. I bite my lip, as I walk over to him, Matthew following behind me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I wanted to surprise you," he says, his eyes flitting to Matthew. "Who's this?"

"This is-"

"Matthew," he finishes, holding out his hand. "You must be Four."

I watch with confusion, as Tobias stares at him for a moment before he slowly reaches out to shake Matthew's hand. They simply stare at each other for a moment before Matthew clears his throat and looks at me.

"Well, I'm guessing you're going home with him," he says awkwardly. "So, I'm gonna go get on the bus."

"Okay, I'll see you later," I tell him. "Hey, don't forget your guitar for Monday. I'll text you a reminder."

"Not that I need one," he smirks.

"I forgot." I roll my eyes. "Perfect memory."

"Not perfect, just near-perfect." He grins before looking back at Four. "It was nice to meet you."

Tobias simply nods, his face still completely neutral. Matthew smiles at me one more time before he starts walking toward the bus. I look at Tobias, who is still staring after him with an odd look on his face.

"What was that about?" I ask, making him look at me.

"It's not everyday I see someone flirt with my girlfriend right in front of me," he mutters.

"Tobias, you've got to be kidding." I roll my eyes. "He was not flirting. He knows that we're together."

"Yeah, and something tells me he doesn't really care-"

"Is this really how you wanted this to go?" I snap. "Did you come here to start an argument?"

He stares at me for a moment, and I can tell that he wants to say something, but he is holding it back. Finally, he lets out a sigh and shakes his head a bit.

"No," he says. "This isn't how I wanted this to go."

"Then, for both of our sake, let's move on."

He nods his head hesitantly, though I can tell that he wants to say something. It doesn't matter, though. I am fairly certain that I already know what he is thinking and what he wants to say. This entire time, I was nervous about Tobias meeting someone new. I suppose I should have prepared myself for the fact that he might have the exact same fear about me.

* * *

"So, is this how you plan to spend all your Friday nights?" I ask, as we sit on his couch in front of the television.

"I definitely wouldn't _mind_ it," he smirks, as he pulls me onto his lap.

I let out a laugh, as he leans into me and presses his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, as he snakes one of his arms around my waist and rests his other hand on my thigh. I feel warmth radiating from his hand and throughout my body, a warmth that I missed.

"I missed this," he mumbles, as if he was reading his mind.

I bite my lip, as his lips move down to my throat, something he has never done before. My eyes close, as my hands find their way into his hair. His lips slowly create a trail of kisses from my jaw down to my collarbone before he pulls back to look at me.

"That's new," I breathe out.

He smiles before he leans into me again. The kiss doesn't last as long as the first one, though he rests his forehead against mine when he pulls away.

"I should probably stop," he sighs.

"Probably," I whisper, running my hands over his shoulders.

"I need to take you back to Tori's soon anyway," he says, glancing at the clock.

I look around at the clock and sigh. Of course, I know that Tori didn't want me to stay out too late, but I still find myself wishing I didn't have to leave. Especially because of what happened earlier. Although I don't want to ruin the time we spent together, I know that I need to talk to him about it now while I have the chance.

"Ready?" he asks, as he brushes my hair back.

"Not yet." I bite my lip, hoping that he won't get angry. "I think we should talk first."

He furrows his eyebrows at me. "About?"

"Earlier," I reply. "Matthew."

"Tris," he sighs.

"We have to. You were obviously jealous." He looks away but says nothing. "You have to trust me, Tobias."

"I trust you," he cuts in. "It's him that I don't trust."

"He's just being a friend. And even if he's not, if you trust me, then you need to trust that I wouldn't let him do anything." I put my hand on his cheek, making him look at me. "And if he did try something, I'll use all the moves you taught me."

He chuckles a bit at this and shakes his head, though he still says nothing.

"Please tell me you believe me," I try again. "I love _you_. You don't have to worry about anyone else. Okay?"

"I'll believe you," he says softly, "if you believe me when I tell you the exact same thing. That you don't have to worry about anyone else."

He looks at me expectantly, as I take a deep breath. Of course, it is a completely different situation. After all, it is obvious who the more attractive one of us is. It is far more likely for him to meet someone especially now that he is in an entirely new environment with people who are on his level, but I know that he will only get upset if I say that. And I know that he will continue to be upset about Matthew unless I tell him that I believe that. So instead, I nod my head at him.

"Okay," I say. "I believe you."

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

When Saturday comes, Christina decides to come over early since she has plans with Tris later today. And Myra tomorrow. It isn't easy dating such a popular girl.

My mom is working today, and Zeke is obviously away at college, so it's just us in the house. Since it is only us, I decided to make food for us rather than take her out somewhere. Mostly to save money, but I didn't want to tell her that.

"Who knew you could cook?" she says teasingly, as she looks at the plate in front of her.

"It's one of my many hidden talents!" I grin.

"Oh? And what are the others?"

"Well, they're hidden. You have to find them!"

She rolls her eyes, as I smile back at her. I look down as I start eating, being careful not to shove it all into my mouth at once like I sometimes do when I'm hungry. Still, when I look up, I notice that Christina is just staring at the food and picking at it with a strange look on her face.

"What's the matter?" I ask though I already know.

She shrugs. "I told you. Some days are easier than others."

"I know." I sigh, as I abandon my own food and look at her instead. "But it's gonna be really insulting to the chef if you don't eat. I hear he's pretty sensitive."

"Is he?" She chuckles.

"He is." I nod at her. "You really ought to take just one bite."

She smiles a bit, but she looks hesitant when she looks back down at the food. I watch her, as she slowly picks some of it up on her fork and brings it to her mouth just as slowly. I wait until she has swallowed that one bite before I speak again.

"Maybe just one more so he knows you like it."

She smiles again and shakes her head a bit before lowering her fork to the food again. We continue like that for a while, with me convincing her to eat bite by bite and her smiling appreciatively at me the entire time.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

On Saturday, Zeke comes to visit at my apartment. He hasn't seen it since he helped me move in. Which also means he hasn't seen it since I was using my mattress as a couch. I feel bad that I keep pushing off Amar's offer to bring Tris over to his house for dinner, but we have both been busy. This weekend, she is spending time with Christina and Lynn, and I am seeing Zeke and meeting Nita tomorrow because she said she wanted to get a head start on the project.

I keep trying to figure her out. After all, I don't have very much experience with girls flirting with me. Well, according to Shauna, I do. But I guess I was just always good at ignoring it completely. Which means that now I have no idea if Nita is flirting or just being friendly. Either way, I decide that it's nothing to worry about. Once this project is over, I'll probably barely see her anyway.

I hear a knock at my door. I walk over and open the door up, revealing a grinning Zeke.

"Four, my main man crush," he sighs dramatically. "It's been too long."

"You can leave if you're gonna be this creepy."

"I'm just messing!"

He grins as he walks in, and I close the door behind him. My eyes stop on the fully packed book bag on his back. He starts to take it off, and when he does, he drops it on the table, and it makes a thudding noise.

"What's in the bag?" I ask.

Without answering, he unzips it and reaches in before pulling out a pack of beer cans with a grin on his face. I roll my eyes at him, as he hands me one.

"You know I don't drink," I tell him.

"One won't kill you," he says. "Promise."

I decide that he has a point. But then again, I also remember how Tris acted the first time she came to Zeke's party after she had one big cup of beer. I smile a little at the memory. While I don't encourage her getting drunk, it is definitely a little funny to look back on.

"What are you smiling about?" Zeke smirks as he plops down on the couch and I sit across from him.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking about my first kiss with my girlfriend and how it was caused by one of these."

"Your first kiss with her was a drunk kiss?" he asks, clearly surprised.

"Don't look so surprised, it happened at one of your parties."

"Which party?"

"It was a long time ago," I tell him. "It was the first time she ever came to one of your parties."

"And why am I just now hearing about this?"

"I figured it wasn't something she wanted advertised," I mutter.

"True," he sighs. "All right, I'll let you go this time."

I roll my eyes before turning on the television since Zeke said he wanted to watch the game. We sit in silence, watching the screen, for only a moment before he speaks again.

"I heard you made some new friends," he says, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm guessing none of them hold a candle to me."

"Obviously." I roll my eyes. "Although there is this girl-"

"Uhm, Four you already have a girl," he says with concern.

"Thanks for the reminder," I say sarcastically. "What I mean is I can't tell if she's flirting or if she's just being nice. If she's just being nice, I don't want to say something and make it awkward."

"Well, what does she say that makes you wonder if she's flirting?" he asks.

I start to describe every encounter that I have had with Nita, and Zeke listens, nodding every now and then.

"So what do you think?" I ask.

"Mhm..." He hums as if he is still considering everything. "She's without a doubt flirting with you, Four. And it's kinda ridiculous that you had to even ask-"

"Well, what am I supposed to do then?"

"Just tell her you have a girlfriend," he shrugs. "She's not a bad person if she flirts thinking you're single. But if she keeps flirting once she knows, you might want to... you know, run."

"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, I think we should use this source, and also I have a girlfriend'?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Zeke, be serious."

"Look, I don't know man," he says, putting his hands up defensively. "All I know is you need to tell her."

I let out a sigh, as I finally decide to take a sip of the beer. I know that I need to tell her. After all, if she really is interested in me, it's not fair to her if I don't say anything. And it's also not fair to Tris. If I want her to trust me, then I'll have to take care of this immediately, and I know that. Still, I have never really had to deal with a situation like this before since I was never really with anyone besides Tris. I just hope it will be easier when it actually comes time to do it.

* * *

 **Nita POV**

* * *

I sit in the library next to Four, as we look at the work we have already done on his laptop screen. As he looks over it and says something about the sources, I can't help but look at him. Of course, he doesn't notice. He never does. That means I can stare at him freely.

He just might be the most attractive guy at this school. With his blue eyes and sharp jawline, and his arms... The only word to describe his arms is "perfect". He even has that quiet, mysterious thing going for him. Unfortunately, he's also kinda oblivious so he hasn't noticed any of my flirting. I guess I'll just have to try harder.

"All right, well that should do it for today," he says, closing his laptop.

"Definitely." I tilt my head a bit and smile at him. "You know, we make a really good team."

"Yeah, I guess so."

When he looks away to pack up his things, I can't help but roll my eyes. I guess I'll have to try harder right now if I ever want to make him realize that I'm flirting.

"So what are you doing after this?" I ask, smiling again. "Want to go get some coffee?"

He looks at me for a moment with those perfect blue eyes before he stands up, and I stand up as well.

"Look, Nita, I'm sorry if I led you on somehow, but I have a girlfriend," he says slowly.

"Oh..." I say, trying not to let my anger out. "Does she go here?"

Do I know the bitch?

"No, she's..." He reaches up to rub the back of his neck, showing off his arm muscles. "She's a senior in high school right now."

"Oh." I force a tight-lipped smile. "Long distance. How cute."

"Not really, she's only about ten minutes away." He smiles a bit, and I just about gag right there. "Anyway I'm really sorry if I-"

"Don't be sorry," I tell him. "It's completely fine, seriously. I'm gonna get going, but I'll see you later, okay?"

He nods at me and I smile at him one more time before walking around him and toward the exit. I can't believe it. I mean, I'm not the type to break up a relationship.

But a senior in high school? Come on. That was never gonna last.


	34. Chapter 34

**Hi all! Thank you so so so much to Guest, lanainwonderland, mosuzmartian, dauntless4664, ManhattanSky, notalways0kay, BeatriceEaton46, Lonelygirl702, velosewer, leek812, SeaweedOwlBrain, MastaGamerita, Naruisawesome, and SraEaton46 for all your feedback. I really really appreciate it!**

 **So, I really don't know how I'm updating this fast but I hope you guys are enjoying it! And again, let me know if there is anything you really want to see! I still have a lot of ideas, but I'm trying to keep this story from going past 50 chapters and I'm not sure if I'll succeed :P**

 **Also, I loved your reactions to the last chapter, but I just wanted to let you know- since I might not be able to update as fast next time- Nita should kinda be the least of your worries. But that's all I'm gonna say. ;)**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Apply to Loyola," Matthew instructs me, as we sit at the lunch table. "Apply to University of Chicago-"

"Yeah, why don't I apply to Harvard while I'm at it?" I say, rolling my eyes.

"You could." I shoot him a look, and he smiles at me. "I'm serious, Tris. You've been doing so well!"

"So well at what?" Uriah asks through a mouthful of food.

"Just in general, she's been doing well academically," Matthew explains before turning back to me. "You're keeping your grades up, you've been in a talent show, you're in the National Honor Society-"

"Which doesn't actually mean anything," I cut in.

"Stop being so modest!" He grins. "You just joined the History Club, too, didn't you? Colleges are going to see your grades, and they're going to see how involved you are. They'll want you, without a doubt."

I stop to consider this for a moment, and surprisingly, everybody else is quiet as well, as they watch me, waiting for me to respond. I have always felt that I wouldn't be good enough to get into college, so I never considered it a possibility. But maybe Matthew is right. My grades are up, and I am more involved than I used to be. Maybe I do have a chance.

"Do you really think so?" I ask.

"Of course," he tells me before nudging me. "Hey, I'm applying to Loyola. I can help you with the application. But the deadlines are coming up soon, so we'll have to work fast."

"We should all apply for colleges together," Christina suggests. "We should just go to the computer lap after school today and do all our applications."

"Sounds good to me," I say before looking at Matthew.

He smiles at me before responding.

"Me, too."

"If we have to," Uriah whines.

Lynn nods, but she says nothing. Myra then goes on to say how she wants one of us to read her essay before she sends in her application, and of course, Matthew offers to read it for her. As they talk, I cannot help but think about the talk that I had with Tobias about Matthew on Friday. I can't help but wonder how Tobias could possibly see him as any kind of threat. Sure, he is sweet and adorable, but acknowledging that doesn't mean that I feel something for him. Plus, he is so sweet that I know he wouldn't try to do anything, knowing that I am with Tobias. It is just odd to me that I ended up being the one to meet someone new. I thought for sure that someone would have at least tried to flirt with Tobias by now.

Later that day, we all sit as close to each other as we can in the computer lab, as we look through different colleges' websites and start our applications. Ever since I enlisted Matthew to help me with my college search, he has suggested the University of Chicago, Loyola University, DePaul University, and Chicago State University. He also suggested that I look out of state, and he gave me an odd look when I told him that I want to stay in the state.

"Because of Four?" he had asked me.

And though I denied it, I knew it was somewhat true. If we are having this much trouble seeing each other when he is only ten minutes away, I cannot imagine what we would go through if I was in a different state.

As I start on my applications, Matthew leaves me to proofread Myra's essay for her. I'll most likely need his help, too, since he is probably the smartest person that I know, and I know that if anyone can make my essay college-ready, it would be him. I decide to type up one essay and use it for each application, just changing the name of the school before I send it in. Just as I have finished typing up my essay, Matthew looks at my screen.

"That was fast," he says. "Want me to take a look?"

"Go ahead." I smirk at him. "Analyze."

He rolls his eyes and chuckles lightly before he leans over to read through my essay. When he is done, he nods his head and smiles at me.

"Perfect," he says.

I smile back at him before looking back at my screen. Luckily, I manage to finish the applications before the warning bell for the late buses rings. It seems that everyone else finished as well, so we all collect our things and start heading toward the exit. As we walk, Uriah talks about the school he applied to, and how he is excited to try some music production classes. Christina talks about the same school, and I wonder if she chose it just because Uriah was looking into it. That is, until she starts rambling about the fashion classes. She stops when we get outside and reach the late buses. Matthew and I say goodbye to everyone since we have to get on a different bus than them, and we sit together near the front. He prefers to sit up front, though he never told me why, but I just went with it.

"You know, I can't wait until your acceptance letters roll in." Matthew grins. "So that I can start saying 'I told you so'."

"And if I get rejected, _I'll_ say 'I told you so'," I say teasingly.

"You won't get rejected," he says, suddenly a bit more serious. "You're amazing."

"What?" I ask since I'm not sure what else to say.

"I just mean, you know, your grades and how involved you are," he sputters out quickly. "There's no way they could say no."

I look at him for a moment, as he looks down at his lap.

"I hope you're right," is all I say, not wanting to make this more awkward than it already is.

"You'll see," he says, smiling a bit again.

We are silent for a few moments, as the bus driver starts to drive. She asks which roads we live on and, luckily, there are only a couple other people on this bus, so it won't be too long of a drive. Especially since she told me that she would go to my street second.

"So, I was wondering," Matthew starts, "would you want to hang out tomorrow after school? Don't get me wrong, I love talking to you between classes, but it's hard to talk about anything of substance in five minutes."

I laugh a little, as he smiles sheepishly at me.

"Well, I'm working tomorrow," I tell him. "But what about Wednesday?"

"Sounds good to me," he says.

The bus pulls up to the end of my street, so I say goodbye to Matthew and get off. As I walk to Tori's house, I cannot help but wonder if I made a mistake. After all, I know how Tobias feels about Matthew. But surely, he wouldn't get mad if we are just hanging out as friends. I hope.

* * *

Once I get to the house, I say hello to Tori before going up to my room. I decide to call Tobias to tell him about the colleges that I applied to, and I also decided that I should let him know that I am hanging out with Matthew. That way, if he finds out later, he won't think that I was trying to hide it. I drop my book bag on the floor and plop down onto my bed. I pull my phone out of my pocket and start dialing his number before I bring the phone up to my ear and wait.

"Hello?" he answers rather gruffly.

"Hi," I say, surprised by his tone. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm..." He sighs. "I'm fine. What's up?"

"That's convincing," I say sarcastically.

"Tris, I'm fine. What did you want to tell me?"

I bite my lip, wondering if it might be better to just hang up the phone right now rather than try to talk to him while he is clearly angry about something. Of course, I have seen him angry before, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with when it happens.

"I just wanted to tell you I applied to some colleges," I say finally, hoping that it will put him in a better mood.

"You did?" he asks in such a neutral tone that I cannot really tell.

"Yeah," I reply. "Matthew helped me. He-"

"Oh, great," he mutters.

"He read my application essay for me," I continue, ignoring him. "He's pretty smart, so-"

"Oh, is he?"

I take a deep breath.

"And he suggested schools for me-"

"Let me guess, all the same colleges he applied to?"

"Tobias, stop that," I snap. "You said you believed me."

"Tris, I can't do this right now," he says, the anger returning to his voice. "I'm sorry, all right? But I just can't. We'll talk later."

"Wait, Tobias."

He hangs up before I can say anything more. I just sit there for a moment, the phone still pressed to my ear, as I try to sit with my anger so that I won't do something destructive. Like punch a mirror. Once is enough. So, instead, I drop my phone on the bed next to me and roll over before yelling into my pillow.

I have seen Tobias angry before. But I have never seen this side of him before. And I cannot say that I like it.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

When I finish my classes on Monday, I decide to go home to talk to Amar. I texted him, and he told me that he had the day off. He also said that he had something to tell me, and I have something to tell him, so it just made sense to go to his house. Still, the entire drive there, I wonder how I am going to tell him. It takes a lot to get Amar mad, but I wonder if this counts as a lot.

I let myself in through the front door and look around before I hear a noise from the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen, Amar is sitting at the table, his hands clasped around a mug of tea and a tired look on his face. He looks up at me and smiles a bit before gesturing for me to sit.

"Are you all right?" I ask, as I sit down across from him. He simply nods his head. "What did you need to tell me?"

"Why don't you go first?" he suggests, as he looks down at the mug in his hands.

"All right," I sigh. "Since you're helping me pay for my classes, I figured I should tell you that... it looks like I might fail my accounting class."

"Really?" he mumbles.

"Yeah, I talked to my professor. My chances of passing at this point are slim to none."

"Well, that's..." He nods a bit. "That's all right. Just do what you can."

I look at him curiously, but it is almost as if he doesn't want to look at me. There is obviously something going on. After all, it is very rare for Amar to act like this. I decide that I cannot take the curiosity any longer.

"What's going on, Amar?"

He looks up at me for a moment, clearly upset. The silence between us grows more tense, as he simply looks at me and I stare back at him worriedly. Amar is not usually quiet like this. He always has something to say. The only times that he is quiet like this is when something is really wrong.

"Four," he says softly. "I know I don't say it much, but you know I love you like you were my own. Right?"

"Yeah," I nod at him.

"You've overcome a lot. You're so different from the boy I took in years ago."

"Amar, what's-"

"I just want to make sure you know the past doesn't define you," he continues. "That you can take things in stride, and that I'll always be here to help you do that."

"Amar, please tell me what's going on."

He stares at me again, looking more sad now, before he sighs and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a folded-up envelope and quietly smooths it out with his hands before he looks at me again.

"This came for you today," he says, handing it to me. "I don't know what it says, but I need you to know that, whatever it is, you can take it in stride."

I look at him for a moment as he stares at me with concern before I look down at the envelope. I nearly stop breathing. It is a letter for me.

From my father.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Why do you think that upset you so much?" Doctor Reyes asks.

"I mean, I wish I could just say that it upset me because I'm not used to him talking to me like that, but that's not all of it." I sigh, as I play with the zen garden. "He's my only real support system. If he's not around to help me, then... I'm sorta screwed."

"You don't think he would take a step back from his anger if you really needed his support?"

"Maybe he would try, but I know that controlling his anger isn't exactly his strength."

She nods her head, as she scribbles something down in her notes. I can't help but wonder what she is writing now. If she thinks this is completely normal or if she thinks I am stupid for trying to hold onto a relationship with him or somewhere in between.

"Is there anyone else that you can talk to?" She asks. "Another friend?"

"I talk to my friends," I shrug. "But not the way I talk to him. He's the only one I go to when I'm really feeling out of it."

"And by 'out of it' you mean..."

"I think you know," I mutter.

"I'd like to hear it from you," she says.

"Upset," I answer vaguely. She stares at me, letting me know that she wants more of an answer. "Depressed. When I'm having urges to do something destructive."

"I see," she says softly. "While it is important to keep that going with him, it might also help you to seek support in others as well."

I consider it for a moment. I try to figure out why her words upset me so much. Of course, realistically, it makes sense to find more than one person to go to when I have urges. I suppose the upsetting thing about it is that I never thought I would need anyone but Tobias when it came to that. I thought that he would be there for me. He said he would. But I guess I should have prepared for the fact that one person could never be there for me all the time.

"Yeah," I reply finally. "Maybe you're right."

* * *

Matthew and I decided to go to a cafe to hang out after school. And as we sit at one of the tables, I can't help but think about how this is the same cafe that I came to with Marlene once, but I try to shake off the thought.

"I hope this was okay with your boyfriend," Matthew says, looking at me hopefully. "I wouldn't want to cause any problems with you guys."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine with it," I say, waving dismissively.

"You mean, you didn't tell him?"

"I didn't get to. He's been, uhm..." I bite my lip briefly. "Busy. But it's fine."

He smiles sadly at me for a moment, and I begin to wonder if he is that smart that he can read my mind and see what is actually happening. Or maybe I'm just a very bad actress. Luckily though he doesn't say anything more about it. Instead, we start talking about just about anything else: our drinks, the colleges we applied to, our friends. With Matthew, it is always easy to keep the conversation going.

"I was so scared moving here just for senior year," he says. "I mean, by now everybody has their own little groups already. I really am grateful that you guys let me into yours."

"Of course," I say, and he smiles. "Why did you move in the middle of high school anyway?"

The smile disappears from his face, and I realize that I must have hit a nerve. Just as I am about to apologize, he clears his throat and starts talking again.

"The real reason?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well..." He sighs. "I told you my parents are divorced. It happened when I was young. But ever since my dad moved, my mom sorta started drinking a lot."

"You don't have to tell me this," I say.

"But I want to." He smiles sadly. "I feel like I can trust you with this."

"Okay," is all I can think to say, but luckily he doesn't seem to be looking for anything more.

"Anyway, my dad never knew about it, but my grandparents did. They ended up taking care of me more than my mother." He looks up at me. "That's why I can be a bit old fashioned sometimes. That's also why I hate nicknames. My grand parents would only call me Matthew. They said nicknames like "Matt" just took something away from me. I didn't really understand it at first but I went with it anyway."

"But my dad found out about my mom and how I was being raised by my grandparents, and he was infuriated, and he started fighting to get full custody. Don't get me wrong. I know he's my dad and everything, so it makes sense that he got me under the circumstances. But I still miss my grandparents every day."

There is silence for a moment, as he stares down at the cup in his hands.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him.

"Don't be," he says. "I'm not saying it so you'll feel sorry for me. I'm just telling you because... I don't know, I feel like I can be honest with you."

"Of course."

He smiles a bit and takes a sip of his drink before looking at me.

"And you know, you can be honest with me too," he says. "If you ever need to talk about anything, or if your boyfriend is too busy to talk, you can always talk to me."

I force a light laugh, as he smiles back at me. I consider it for a moment, and I think of what Doctor Reyes said. I do need to be able to open up to someone other than Tobias. And I do feel like I can trust Matthew. After all, he seems to me as if he couldn't even hurt a fly.

"All right," I agree finally. "How much time do you have?"

* * *

When Friday comes, I decide to take the bus to Tobias' apartment. We talked on the phone very briefly yesterday, and he apologized and said he was just upset because he is failing his accounting class. But something tells me there is more to it. And I know that I won't be able to get anything out of him over the phone. I need to see him in person. Once I get to the building, I climb the stairs up to the second floor and stop in front of the door that I know is his. I take a deep breath and knock on the door, but I freeze when I hear a female voice from inside.

"I'll get it!" she says.

I feel frozen in my place, though every part of me wants to run. But before I can figure out which side is right, the door swings open, and I find myself face-to-face with a beautiful girl with light brown skin, dark hair, and red lips. She raises one of her perfect eyebrows at me, as I stare at her in shock.

"Can I help you?" she asks, and I have to bite back the urge to pull her out of the apartment and use every move Tobias has taught me.

"Nita," I hear Tobias groan. "I said I could get it."

She looks behind her then back at me for a moment before she moves back inside the apartment, and Tobias takes her place. He looks tired, as he comes to stand in front of me, but I can also tell by the look on his face that he knows exactly what I am thinking.

"I didn't know you were coming today-"

"Clearly."

He sighs and takes a step closer to me, closing the door slightly as he does.

"Look, it's not what you think," he says softly.

"Are you sure?" I spit out. "Because lately it seems like you don't want to breathe a word to me, even over the phone, but you have plenty of time to invite this girl over to your apartment."

"Tris, I didn't-"

"I'm not stupid, Tobias!"

"Did I say that?" he says angrily. "You're not stupid, Tris. You're just not listening."

"I would have listened if you were actually talking to me," I snap.

"I'm trying to talk now," he mutters.

"Well, maybe now is too late."

He looks at me for a moment, surprised, before the anger takes over his features again.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asks, his voice laced with anger.

"It means..." I shake my head, as I try to calm myself down before I say something I might regret. "Forget it. I'm just gonna go."

He rolls his eyes, as I start to walk away. But before I can make it too far, I feel him grab my arm. I turn to face him, and though he is obviously still angry, I see a hint of concern in his eyes, as he stares back at me.

"Just so you know, Tris," he says in a quiet voice. "That girl is in my class. She came by to work on a project. She heard a knock at the door while I was working on something, so she went to answer it. Believe what you want, but that's all that happened."

I look at him for a moment, as I let this sink in. Of course, I know that he is telling the truth. Still, it bothers me that he would have any girl over at his apartment without telling me, but I would feel so controlling if I actually said that out loud. So, instead, I just nod my head, release my arm from his grip, and walk away. I can sense his eyes on me the entire time, but I don't look back.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"Big mistake, man," Zeke says, shaking his head, once I have finished telling him everything.

"Huge," Shauna adds, as she opens Zeke's mini fridge to check on the jello shots. "If I caught Zeke in here with some random girl, and he didn't tell me-"

"We weren't doing anything," I say yet again.

"It doesn't matter," she says, as she closes the fridge and looks at me. "If you really need to have another girl in your apartment for whatever reason, you have to let her know."

"So, this is entirely my fault?"

"Yes," they both say in unison.

"Don't worry, man," Zeke says. "You guys can talk about it when everybody gets here later."

"I don't think an argument is really party talk," I mutter.

"Then don't argue," Shauna says, rolling her eyes. "Just apologize." She opens up the fridge and takes out one of the jello shots, which has a gummy worm stuffed into it. "And when you're done, come back to the party and take a spooky jello shot!"

"Is that really the best we could do?" Zeke pouts.

"Well, whatever! At least _we_ have costumes."

She narrows her eyes on me, and I roll my eyes. They should know by now that I don't dress up for Halloween, but they still make a big deal about it every time. Now, both of them are dressed as police officers ironically. But of course, Shauna's costume is a little more revealing, but I don't really pay much attention to it. They continue to plan and move things around in Zeke's room so that we will have more space. All the while, I try to think of what I am going to say to Tris. Of course, I know that I should have handled the situation better. There are a lot of things that I should be doing better. And what she said today- about it being too late- really shook me to my core, though I didn't want to show it. Losing her is one of my greatest fears. And I realize I will have to do better if I want to avoid that.

* * *

A couple of Zeke's new friends arrive first, since they live in the same building. They are on the football team as well, and I learn that their names are Jordan and Mark, but they don't really talk to me as much. Probably because I don't have much of an interest in talking about football. Or talking in general. Shauna's roommate, Amanda, also shows up, though she seems a little more shy. She simply sits in the corner, a set of bunny ears on her head, as Shauna tries to talk her and get her to talk to everyone else.

"Where's your high school friends?" Jordan asks Zeke.

"I'm starting to think you made 'em up," Mark grins.

"Fuck you, man," Zeke grins back. "They should be here any minute."

As if on cue, Shauna's phone rings. She picks it up, and I can tell that it must be one of them since she says she'll go find them and bring them up to the room. Once she has hung up the phone, she stands up and tells us that she will be right back, as she starts for the door. I tell her that I will go with her, and she gives me a knowing look, but luckily she doesn't say anything. As we walk down stairs, a couple of clearly drunk girls walk by in leotards and bunny ears and call out to Shauna, saying how good she looks. Shauna grins back at them and compliments them as well, and I can't help but roll my eyes a little. It's moments like these when I am glad I didn't choose to live in a dorm building.

When we get outside, we see a group of people huddled around a bench. As we get closer, one of them starts yelling. Christina, of course.

"Hot damn, Shauna!" She grins. "You can arrest me any time you want, girl!"

She giggles, as I roll my eyes yet again. My eyes find Tris, but she is looking at Shauna instead of me, and I know her well enough to know that that is purposeful. Still, I look at her anyway. She is wearing a grey, short-sleeved dress with grey cat ears on her head while Christina is wearing a black dress with black cat ears. Probably Christina's idea. Uriah, or at least I think it's Uriah, is wearing a gruesome mask, and Myra is wearing a polka dot shirt and Minnie Mouse ears.

"Ah, you all dressed up!" Shauna squeaks, looking at each of them. "I'm so proud! Now, come on, I'll take you up."

She starts walking, and they all start walking with her, talking the entire way. Except for Tris, who I hold back by her arm, as everyone else goes inside. She turns to face me, but she doesn't look at me still. And I'm not sure why, but that gesture- the fact that she simply won't look at me- hurts. Shauna glances back at us before she follows the group inside, leaving us completely alone.

"Will you talk to me?"

She glances up at me and nods. "Yeah."

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." She looks up at me, almost curiously. "I should have told you that she was coming over, and if it happens again, I will tell you. But I promise you nothing happened. And once we're done with this project, I'll probably never even talk to her again."

"You swear nothing happened?" she says quietly.

"I swear on my life." I reach for her hand, and luckily, she lets me take it. "I told you. You don't have to worry about anyone or anything."

"You keep saying that, but you don't seem to believe it when I say it to you," she mutters. "You still hate Matthew, I know you do."

"I don't hate him. I don't like him very much, but I don't hate him."

"Same thing," she sighs. "If you want me to believe you, then you need to believe me."

"All right," I say. "I'll try."

After all, accepting her friendship with Matthew is a small price to pay to keep her with me. She looks at me for a moment before she drops her head on my chest, and I circle my arms around her waist. I feel her take a deep breath, as we simply stand there for a moment, appreciating each other's closeness.

"I knew it would be hard," she mumbles into my chest. "But I didn't think it would be like this."

"Me neither," I tell her honestly, as I run my hand over her hair.

"Are you being honest with me?" she asks suddenly. "Were you really just angry that day because of your accounting class?"

I sigh. "No."

She pulls away just a bit so that she can look up at me, and I stare back at her, trying to decide if I should tell her. But then, I remember that not being honest is what caused this whole mess to begin with. As I stare back at her stormy eyes, I realize that I need to be honest with her if I want this to last.

"I got a letter." I take a deep breath. "From my father."

I see a million different emotions pass through her all at once, but she composes herself quickly before she speaks again.

"What did it say?" she asks.

"Just that he wants to see me again," I mutter, starting to feel angry all over again. "He said some crap about how he _deserves_ to see me again."

"Do you think you would want to?" she asks carefully.

I look down at her for a moment, letting her gaze dissolve my anger before I finally shake my head.

"I don't know."

She nods slowly and bites her lip before leaning closer to me again, and I rest my forehead on hers, letting the comfort of this small gesture wash over me.

"You can think about it," she says softly, bringing her hand to my cheek. "Just not tonight. I want you to enjoy tonight."

"As long as you're here, I will," I say, smiling slightly.

"That was the corniest thing I've ever heard," she smirks.

I chuckle lightly, and she smiles at me before she leans in, letting her lips connect with mine. We move in sync with each other, and I let out a sigh of relief against her. Things have definitely been more difficult than I thought they would be. But in moments like these, I realize that it is all worth it if I get to keep her.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hi all! Thank you to parten340, mosuzmartian, dauntless4664, Naruisawesome, BeatriceEaton46, velosewer, ManhattanSky, Brokenwings35, citizensg1, Guest & Guest for your love and support! It's greatly appreciated always!**

 **I appreciate your suggestions for Nita, but like I said, she's not really much to worry about. I know how Nita is usually portrayed in these stories, but in real life, she really wouldn't do a lot of the things that people have her do in these fanfics.**

 **Anyway, Christmas will be in the next chapter! And I know you guys like the drama, so... Be prepared. ;)**

 **It might take me just a bit longer to update next time, but I hope you enjoy this chapter in the mean time!**

 **Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Luckily, Nita hasn't bothered me much since the incident. I told her that, from then on, we would work in the library instead. She was a bit surly about it, but luckily, she hasn't pressed to come back to my apartment. Plus, we finished the project, so now I barely see her anyway. And when she tries to talk to me after class, I tend to brush her off rather quickly.

Besides that, I managed to do better on my past accounting tests, which means that I will be able to just barely pass the class. When I told Amar, he seemed more proud than usual. I suppose it still has something to do with the letter from my father.

Though it has been quite a while, I still don't know if I want to see my father or not. He left his contact information in the letter, but I haven't been able to decide if I should bring myself to contact him at all or not. Of course, I have talked to Tris about it, but not very much. In fact, it has been harder and harder to find time to talk to her since we are both always busy with something or other.

My phone rings, and I smile a little when I see who it is. It's as if she knew I was thinking about her.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Guess what!" she chirps excitedly, making me chuckle.

"What?" I ask.

"I was going to wait to tell you in person, but I can't wait anymore," she sputters out. "I got into Chicago State University, and with a scholarship!"

"That's amazing," I grin even though I know she can't see me. "I'm really proud of you."

She starts ratting off details about when she got the letter and how Tori reacted and details about the school itself even though I already know a good amount about the school since Shauna and Zeke talked about it constantly after they got accepted. Still, I listen as she rambles on about every detail. Eventually, my eyes land on the clock, and I remember that I was just about to go to work before she called.

"Four?" she asks quietly.

I can't help but wonder why she would call me that, but then I decide that she must be around Christina or someone else.

"Sorry, I was just thinking. I was actually about to go to work, but can I call you later."

"Oh," is all she says, and I feel guilt consume me at the sadness in her voice. "Okay, sure."

"I love you," I say, hoping it will make her feel better.

"I love you, too," she says, but I can tell that she is still upset.

Guilt continues to eat at me, as I say goodbye to her and hang up the phone. I can only hope that she understands that I am trying, even when it seems like I'm not.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"I love you, too," I say, trying not to sound upset. "Bye."

I hang up the phone and look at Matthew who was sitting across from me. We decided to go to the cafe again after school to celebrate my first acceptance letter, since he was the one who helped me with my application. But as we talked about it, I decided that I simply couldn't wait anymore, and he said that he wouldn't mind if I called Tobias, so I did. I know I should have realized that he might be busy, but it still stung a bit having to hang up so quickly when I was so excited to tell him this.

"What happened?" Matthew asks, as I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Nothing," I shrug. "He was just busy."

He nods his head in response, though I can tell by the look on his face that he knows there is more to it. Luckily, he doesn't say anything more about it. Instead, we start talking about the letter again. Though it isn't the same as talking to Tobias, it still feels good to be able to talk to someone.

"So, have you heard about the event that the school is planning after Winter Break?" Matthew asks, as we are getting ready to leave the cafe. "The Challenge Day?"

I throw my bag over my shoulder, as we start to walk out.

"No, what is that?"

"Apparently it's an activity to help gain perspective," he explains. "But it's known for getting people to spill their deepest secrets."

"Sounds intense," I say.

"Definitely." He nudges my shoulder, as we walk. "But considering everything you told me, I think it'll be great for you. Your experiences might help somebody else."

"You think so?" I ask.

"You never know," he shrugs.

We walk in silence for a moment, as I consider it, before Matthew starts talking again. This time, we talk about our practice session with Uriah this morning. He must have sensed that I was uncomfortable thinking about sharing my experiences, so he changed the conversation to a lighter topic. He is always pretty perceptive and considerate like that.

* * *

Later that night, I sit on the couch with Tori. We are watching her favorite program and she is also drawing in one of her books. Eventually, she closes her book and looks at me, almost nervously.

"There's something I should tell you," she says. "I was talking to George about Christmas, and he wants me to come to his house."

"That's great," I say, though I can tell that she is still nervous about something. "What's the problem?"

"It's not so much a problem," she shrugs. "I was just thinking of you. I wasn't sure if you wanted to come with me or stay here."

I look at her, confused, for a moment. It is strange to me that she would even offer me the option of being apart from her for a holiday. After all, my parents and Caleb never would have allowed that. But I suppose, living with her is vastly different from living with my parents or Caleb.

"I can stay here," I tell her. "I'm sure you two could use some bonding time. Maybe I can even stay with Christina."

"Are you sure?" she asks, looking at me hopefully.

"Completely."

"All right." She smiles at me and nods her head, as if to confirm this. "Then, remind me to give you your gift before I leave, okay?"

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"But I did." She chuckles. "Don't worry about it." She puts her book down on the table and looks at the television. "And Tris?"

"Yes?"

"That doesn't mean you have to get me something," she smirks.

I roll my eyes at this before looking back at the television as well, though the program isn't really all that interesting. I only watch it for Tori. She has done so much for me, and she still does so much for me now, so I try to be there for her too in small ways when I can. Though I know that it will never match up to what she does for me. I hope, in the end, that she knows how grateful I am for her.

* * *

Later that day, I sit on my bed with my homework in my lap. In between homework, I text Christina asking her if I can spend Christmas with her so that I won't be alone in the house. She tells me that her mother isn't all for the idea, but she will try to figure something out. A few minutes in, I hear the phone ring, and I roll my eyes, as I wonder why she needs to call me. But when I look at the screen, I realize it is not her; it's Tobias. A surge of happiness runs through me as I pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sorry about earlier," he says. "Anyway, I'm home now, and I've got nothing for the rest of the night, so I'm all yours."

"Oh, great," I say sarcastically.

"Very funny," he says with sarcasm as well, and I laugh a little bit. "How was the rest of your day?"

"It was okay," I shrug. "Tori said she's going to see her brother for Christmas so I've been talking with Christina to see if I can spend it with her family, but apparently her mom has a strict family-only rule when it comes to holidays."

He is silent for a moment. Just as I am about to ask if he is still there, he speaks again.

"Why don't you come here for Christmas?"

"What, to your place?" I ask though it is pretty obvious.

"Well I have to go see Amar during the day," he explains. "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you came too."

I bite my lip, as I consider it. Of course, it would be great to spend the holiday with them especially since I have hardly had time to see Tobias because he has been so busy. Still, it's a little nerve-racking to think about spending the night at his place, and surely that will be his next suggestion. I know it shouldn't be scary to me. I do trust him, but something about sleeping over at a boy's apartment still scares me a little.

"Tris?"

"Yeah, sorry." I sigh, as I shake my head a little. "I'll think about it."

"All right, but I don't understand what's there to think about," he says teasingly. "Unless you're worried about sleeping over."

"You know me too well," I mutter.

"Well, if you want to sleep over, you can have the bed, and I'll take the couch," he suggests. "How does that sound?"

"Maybe. I'll-"

"You'll think about it," he finishes.

"Yes," I chuckle. "I'll think about it. Anyway, how was your day?"

He goes on to talk about work, and I can't help but notice how much my mood elevates just from being able to finally talk to him. I just keep thinking about how much I miss it when he isn't around. Sure, I talk to Matthew and Christina quite a bit, but it never feels the same as when I talk to him. I feel so much more open and free when I talk to him and when I'm around him. And I notice that, ever since we started dating, it's a feeling I crave more and more.

"Tobias?" I say when there is a moment of silence.

"Hm?"

"I think I want to stay with you for Christmas," I tell him.

"You know, usually when you say 'I'll think about it,' you take more than ten minutes," he chuckles.

"Yeah, well, maybe this didn't require a lot of thought," I say, glancing at the clock. "It's getting late."

"You're right," he sighs. "We can talk later, then."

We say goodbye, and I hang up the phone with a smile on my face. Of course, the last few months have been a bit difficult, but I have a feeling that spending Christmas with him will make it worth it.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

I don't care what anyone says. The best part of Christmas is not the giving or the being grateful for your loved ones; it's the presents.

By the time everybody gathers around Christina's locker, I am nearly jumping with excitement. We decided to do Secret Santa, and I cannot wait to see what my person got for me. I got Myra, so I just got her a couple of pretty bracelets (that Christina picked out).

"Is everybody ready?" Christina asks excitedly, though she is excited to give her gift rather than receive hers unlike me.

Everybody murmurs in agreement. That is the only downside: we decided to come into the school early so that the halls would still be somewhat empty while we were doing this. Which means that everybody is still tired and yawning.

"Who's first?" I ask.

Everybody looks around at each other before Myra shrugs her shoulders and hands a small bag to Christina who grins with excitement. She then hands a gift to Lynn. Lynn gives a gift to Matthew. Matthew gives his to Tris, Tris hands her bag to me, and I give mine to Myra. Once we are done, we all look around at each other before I I get impatient.

"Open!" I yell, as I start tearing the box open.

Everybody else shrugs and starts opening their gifts much more calmly than me. When I open mine up, I can't help but grin. In the bag is a harmonica that I can surely use to annoy people all day. And...

"Gummy worms!" I yell at the top of my lungs, making Myra jump.

"You're welcome," Tris says with a smirk, as I tear the bag open. "I noticed that you kept pulling the gummy worms out of everybody's shots at Zeke's party, so I-"

"You thought right," I say through a mouthful of gummy worms.

"Uri, slow down." Christina elbows me in the side. "Save them for lunch time."

I groan, as I toss the bag of gummy worms back into the gift bag and look around at everybody else, as they look at their gifts. Moments later, I notice that Tris looks confused and a little shocked. Nobody else seems to notice except for Matthew and me. Though Matthew looks more concerned. I finally see what she is holding- a necklace with a silver treble clef on it. She looks at Matthew, still shocked, but she doesn't seem very happy about it, and I have a feeling that I know why.

"You realize we had a ten dollar limit, Matty," I say, hoping to lighten the mood.

Tris simply looks down and puts the necklace back in the box, and Matthew forces a smile to me for a moment before looking down as well. When I look at Christina, I can tell by the look on her face that she saw the entire interaction, but luckily, she doesn't say anything.

I can't help but wonder if Matthew meant something by giving her that necklace, but I know better than to say anything more about it, since they both look fairly uncomfortable. So, instead, to lighten the mood, I start playing with the harmonica that Tris gave me. Soon enough, Christina is giggling and everybody else is complaining.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

The house feels so empty and quiet without Tori. Luckily, Tobias is on his way to pick me up right now. It is early Christmas Eve. She had originally planned to stay with me longer, but she didn't want to hit the holiday traffic, and I told her that I would be fine by myself.

Of course, she thinks that I am spending Christmas with Christina. I'm not sure if she would mind if I told her that I was spending the holiday with Tobias, but I didn't want to risk it, so I just didn't say anything about it.

I also decided to not say anything about the necklace that Matthew gave me to Tobias. Matthew tried to convince me that he meant nothing by it, he just wanted to get something nice. But the gift and the way he has been acting around me tells me that there is more to it, but I know better than to say that to Tobias. After all, I know that it will only cause an unnecessary fight, and that is the last thing we need right now. Instead, I left it in my jewelry box, where it will most likely stay.

Just as I look out the window, I see his car pull up in front of the house. I pick up the bag that I packed and start for the front door. I lock the door behind me before walking to the driveway, and I let myself into the passenger side before he even has a chance to get out of the car. As I slide into the passenger seat, he smiles at me.

"Are you excited?" I look at him, and he raises an eyebrow at me. "That we finally have some time together."

"Of course," I say with a smile.

He looks at me for another moment, and I can't help the feeling that runs through me as he does. We sit in silence for a moment, as he starts driving again.

"You know what's more exciting than Christmas?" he says suddenly.

"What?" I ask.

"It's been about a year since you agreed to start seeing me," he says with a grin.

I stop to think about it for a moment, surprised that so much time has passed so quickly. And I can't help but smile too. I remember how afraid I was to even get close to him, and now I know that it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

"That is exciting," I chuckle.

"Better than Christmas," he says, his free hand finding mine.

* * *

Later that night, we sit on the couch in front of the television. At some point, I end up on his lap with his arms wrapped around me. I nearly fall asleep just from how comfortable I feel, finally being this close to him. But instead, I look at him, only to see that he is falling asleep. I laugh a little and pat his cheek lightly, and he jumps a little before looking at me tiredly.

"I guess it's time for bed," he mutters.

"I guess so."

I can't help but feel a little disappointed since I know that he wants us to sleep separately. I don't want to let him go, but I know that he needs to sleep, so I force myself to stand up. He follows after me before leading me to his bedroom. Once we are inside, he reaches into the closet and takes out an extra blanket.

"Make yourself comfortable," he says, sleep still in his voice. "I'll be right outside on the couch."

"Okay," I say, as he closes the closet and walks back to me. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he repeats before kissing me briefly.

I watch him walk back out of the room before I change into my night clothes. I put on my sweatpants, but I decide to pull out one of his shirts instead of mine since I'm sure he won't mind. Once I am done, I lay down in the bed. I find myself nearly burying my face in the pillow, trying to inhale his scent, until I fall asleep.

* * *

 _Crows. They're everywhere._

 _But it doesn't make sense. I can't understand why there are so many. I can't understand why they are coming right for me. I can't understand anything._

 _All I can understand is the deep pain that I feel every time one of them bites or claws at me. But no matter how much I fight, they won't stop. My feet feel as if they are glued to the floor, and no matter how hard I hit and punch, they still continue to attack._

 _My throat begins to hurt with how much I am screaming, but it is nothing compared to the pain that their beaks and claws are inflicting on me. They begin to cover me._

 _They are everywhere. They land on my torso, on my legs, in my hair._

 _Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere._

 _"Help!" I scream though I don't know who I'm screaming for._

 _Before the crows cover my eyes completely, before I become blinded by black feathers, I look off into the distance and see someone. One person._

 _My father. With a smirk on his face._

* * *

"Tris!"

I gasp, grateful to feel air in my lungs again rather than feathers. My eyes fly open, and I find myself face-to-face with Tobias. He looks worried, and within seconds, I understand why. I must have been screaming again like I usually do during nightmares. I sit up slowly, my breathing still rapid, and he moves back a bit to give me space.

He just watches me, as I pull my knees into my chest and use one of my hands to wipe some stray tears off my face.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be," he breathes out, and I realize that his breathing is fast too.

I wonder how long it took for him to wake me up. But I don't ask. Eventually, he puts his arms around me, but still neither of us say anything. We just sit there in silence, me trying to catch my breath and him rubbing my back comfortingly.

"Are you okay?" he asks once I have calmed down some.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say, even though I'm not sure if it's true. "I'm just tired. We should go back to sleep."

"Oh, okay," he says slowly, rubbing my back one more time before he untangles himself from me. "I'll just-"

"No." He looks at me, as I grab onto his arm. "Stay here."

He looks at me for a moment, obviously unsure, before he uses his free hand to brush my hair back.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

I simply nod my head at him, and he looks at me for a moment with obvious concern before he nods, too, and climbs into the bed next to me. Once we are both laying down, I settle into his arms, and this time he doesn't say anything. We end up tangled together again, his chin resting on top of my head and my lips just barely touching his skin, our arms wrapped around each other. Despite the fact that I just woke up from a nightmare, I have never felt safer than I do now with him.

I can only hope that this feeling, this sense of security, will last.


	36. Chapter 36

**Hi friends- so I thought I would take longer to update because I'm going on a trip tomorrow but it turns out I was able to finish this before the trip! Who knew!**

 **Anyway, thank you to BeatriceEaton46, Brokenwings35, ManhattanSky, citizensg1, Guest, Sawyerrr, PHX, velosewer, notalways0kay, Naruisawesome, and mosuzmartian! Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it always!**

 **Also quick note to PHX- I'd message you but I obviously can't haha. I'm really glad that this story means something to you. You most certainly can get through it. I believe in you, and I'm always here for you. If you ever make an account, you can message me any time you need encouragement or just to talk about anything!**

 **To everyone else, it's been a nice couple of chapters. But you can't stop the drama! I hope you guys like it!**

 **Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I must have moved around in my sleep. When I wake up, Tobias' arm is wrapped around my waist, and my back is up against his front. I can feel his breath on my neck, and it gives me chills. I feel his arm tighten around me a bit, as he starts to stir. I stroke his hand to let him know I am awake. In response, he presses his lips to my neck briefly.

"Morning," he mumbles sleepily. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," I croak. "Better than I have in a while."

He keeps his arm around me as I roll over to face him. When I look at him, it seems as if he is struggling to keep his eyes open. Both of us lay there quietly for a moment, just looking back at each other. I'm not sure what he is thinking, but to me, this still feels so odd. I never thought that I would wake up with a boy and feel so comfortable that I wouldn't want to get up. I also never could have imagined that I would end up sleeping in the same bed as Tobias so soon in the relationship. What is more surprising is that it doesn't feel wrong.

"Merry Christmas," I say finally.

"Oh, that's right, I almost forgot," he mutters. "We have to go to Amar's."

I nod at him, and he groans tiredly before he kisses my forehead and starts to sit up. Once he is in a sitting position, I watch him rub his eyes.

"I'm sorry I kept you up last night," I say quietly.

"Don't be sorry." He pauses for a moment before looking down at me. "I didn't know you were still having nightmares."

"Wasn't exactly something I wanted to advertise," I mutter. "Why don't we talk about it later?"

He nods slowly, seemingly upset, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he starts to get up, and I follow after him. I pick up my bag which I left in the corner of the room and start sifting through it to find my clothes. I pull the clothes out and turn around, only to see Tobias staring at me with the beginning of a smile on his lips.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he shrugs. "It looks good on you."

It takes a moment before I realize that he is talking about his shirt, which I am still wearing. I feel a blush creep up on my cheeks, as he smiles a bit.

"Maybe I'll keep it," I say.

"Go ahead. Merry Christmas," he chuckles.

I roll my eyes, as he picks up his clothes and leaves the room so that I can change. Once we have both finished getting ready, we decide to leave for Amar's house. He tells me that he will give me my gift when we get back tonight, so I decide to leave his gift in my bag in his room. Still, I cannot help but wonder what is so special that he doesn't want to give it to me in front of Amar.

* * *

"If it isn't the lovebirds," Amar grins, as he opens the front door for us. "You're here early."

"That's so we can leave early," Tobias says with a smirk.

"I should have figured," Amar says before leading us into the living room.

Tobias and Amar make small talk about work and his classes, as we sit down on the couch and Amar sits in the arm chair. As they talk, I notice two rectangular boxes resting on the coffee table, one with Tobias' name and one with mine. I can't help but feel guilty, as I look at it. I didn't think that Amar would get anything for me, so I didn't think to get anything for him.

"I see Tris has her eyes on the prize," Amar says with a grin. "Do you want to open it?"

"No, it's not that," I say. "I just wasn't expecting you to get me anything."

"Well, I saw these, and I knew I had to get them for you," he smirks, as he leans back in his chair. "Go on, open it. Both of you."

Tobias looks at him suspiciously before picking up the boxes and handing me the one with my name on it. I look at Amar who gives me a nod of encouragement before I start opening up the box. When I open it, I can tell immediately that it is a shirt, but I don't understand what is special about it until Tobias picks up his and rolls his eyes.

"Very nice," he mutters, as Amar chuckles.

I look at his shirt and notice that it has the word "beast" written on it, and when I turn mine over I see that it has the word "beauty" written on it. I can't help the laugh that escapes me, but that only makes Tobias shoot me a look. I continue laughing, as Amar talks about how he just couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Amar smiles at me, and I smile back. As the day goes on and we continue to joke around and talk, I can't help but think about my parents. Growing up, my parents and I never really laughed or had fun together. I imagine, if we did, it would have felt something like this.

* * *

Later that night, once we have returned to Tobias' apartment, I go into his room to retrieve the gift that I got for him from my bag. Apparently, his gift for me was somehow hidden in the living room so that is where he is waiting right now. Once I have retrieved the gift, I walk back out into the living room where he is sitting on the couch. I sit down next to him and hand him the bag, and he smirks.

"I guess I'm going first then," he says, as he looks down at the bag.

I nod my head at him and smile, as he reaches into the bag.

"It's a..." He pauses as he pulls it out of the bag. "It's a cookbook."

"It's a _college_ cookbook," I tell him. "So you can still eat well even though you're on a budget!"

"I see," he chuckles, as he looks at it for a moment. Finally, he turns to me and kisses my temple. "Thank you."

"Any time," I say.

"In case you were wondering where I hid your gift," he says before he kneels down on the ground and reaches under the couch, "it's been under here the whole time."

"That's... actually pretty creative."

"Not as creative as the gift," he mumbles.

Before I can ask what he means, he has returned to his place on the couch but this time he is holding a glass jar. He looks at me, almost hopefully, before he hands it to me.

"What is it?"

"It's a memory jar," he says as if he is unsure himself. "There's a bunch of papers in it and each one has a different memory, but you're only allowed to pick out one each day."

"Why just one?" I ask.

"Because there's only three hundred and sixty four pieces in there."

"You came up with three hundred and sixty four memories?" I ask, shocked. "And you wrote them all down? This must have taken ages!"

"I mostly did it between classes," he shrugs.

I roll my eyes at him, at how he makes it sound like it was so easy.

"Anyway, I wanted you to have it because I thought it might help," he continues. "I know it's been hard lately, but maybe if you focus on the good times we've had, it'll make it easier to get through the tough times."

I can't help but smile a little, as I look at it. Although I feel guilty now since the gift that I got for him was so generic and this one is so thoughtful, but I know that he will just brush it off if I say that, so I don't. I look at him to find that he was already staring back at me.

"Thank you," I say finally.

He simply nods in response before he leans into me. When our lips meet, it feels different than usual. It feels like he is kissing me as if he'll never be able to again. I can't help but wonder why, but I don't stop it. Eventually, I end up on his lap while the jar rests on the other side of the couch. It is only then that he pulls away for breath and looks at me.

"You know, it's torture not being able to do this every day," he mutters.

"Then maybe we should take advantage of the time we have now," I whisper back.

He smiles a little before his lips meet mine again. The kiss is intense as if there was never a break in it. Eventually, his hands end up on my hips and mine end up on his cheeks, further intensifying the kiss. Before him, I never thought that kissing could feel so good. But now, every time he kisses me, I feel warmth throughout my entire body. It makes me want more and more.

At some point, he pulls away and brings his lips instead to my neck. My hands find their way into his hair just like they did last time he did this. Soon, the warmth is forgotten as heat rushes through me at the feeling. His lips trail down my neck, as his hands move up to touch the small strip of visible skin between my shirt and my jeans. A soft moan escapes my lips at the sensation from both his lips and his hands on my skin. I feel him pause for a moment as soon as the sound leaves my lips before he lifts his head and rests his forehead on mine.

"Should I stop?" he asks, his fingers stroking my waist.

I bite my lip, as I think about it. He knows that the thought of going further than this has always made me nervous. I never told him that it is because of what happened with Peter and Eric, but something tells me that he knows that already. Still, he has been so respectful and patient about it, never pushing me to go further. And now that we are here, now that I know that there is a possibility of going further, part of me wants to. After all, I know that I love him. I know that there is nothing to be afraid of with him. He is nothing to be afraid of.

"No," I answer finally.

"Are you sure?" he asks hesitantly.

I nod at him in response, and he just looks at me for a moment before he leans in and kisses me again. He brings his lips to my neck again, as his hands move up my sides until they are resting just below my bra. The feeling is intoxicating, more than any amount of alcohol. I bite my lip, as I bring my hands to his chest. My hands find the hem of his shirt and he takes the hint. He pulls away from me to take his shirt off, and I find myself unable to look away from his chest even when I can feel him looking at me.

It is only then that I notice black marks creeping up around his shoulders. He mentioned that he had a tattoo but I never asked to see it since asking to see it would basically be asking him to take his shirt off. But now that it is already off, I find myself wondering what the rest looks like.

"Do you want to see it?" he asks, as if he was reading my mind. "My tattoo, I mean?"

I nod my head at him and he gently guides me off of his lap before standing in front of me and turning around. Black covers his back. He did tell me why he has it there- to cover the scars from his childhood. But actually seeing it is something completely different than just being told about it. It is only then that I notice the symbols going down the middle of his back between the black art. I touch one of them, and I recognize it as the symbol that I drew for Tori to symbolize her selflessness.

"I got those added a little while ago," he tells me.

My fingers move down to the tree that Uriah drew to symbolize Marlene's kindness toward him. The balance that Christina drew for honesty. The eye that Lynn drew to symbolize her constant knowing. And the flames that he drew to symbolize bravery for me.

"Why?" I ask as my fingers continue to trace each one.

"Because they're constant reminders," he says. "To be selfless, kind, honest, knowing, and brave."

"You could work on the kind part," I say with a smirk.

"I know."

He turns around to face me, and he wraps his arms around my waist.

"But I didn't see the point of striving to be all of those things until you came along," he says.

I only bite my lip for a moment before he brushes his finger across my lip to free it. He then brings his lips to mine, and this time it feels softer and full of understanding. More loving and heartfelt, as we pick up where we left off.

Eventually, he leads me to his room, and I don't stop him. I realize that I don't want to stop him. And eventually, my clothes are strewn across the floor, but I don't feel afraid like I thought I would. I feel open and bare in a beautiful way that I never thought would be possible.

And that night, for the first time, we lose ourselves in each other.

* * *

The next morning, I sit on the kitchen counter in a pair of shorts and one of Tobias' shirts. He offered to make breakfast for me and wouldn't take no for an answer, so I ended up here, just watching him, as he moves around the kitchen in only his pajama pants. He looks at me at some point, as if he could sense my staring, and smiles. He comes to stand between my legs and places his hands on my hips.

"That really does look good on you," he says.

"Does it?" I ask, as I rest my forehead on his.

"Mhm," he murmurs, as his fingers worry over the hem of the shirt. "I could definitely get used to this view."

I laugh a little as he closes the space between us and kisses me slowly as if we have all the time in the world. I run my hands over his bare chest just like I did last night, and he groans a bit. I smirk against his lips before he pulls away.

"Tease," he mutters.

"Only for you," I wink at him.

He chuckles a little and squeezes my hips before pulling away to return his attention to the food. I watch after him for a moment until I hear my phone go off next to me. I pick it up and see that it is a call from Tori, so I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Tris?" a male voice asks.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion though I know they cannot see me.

"Uhm... yes, who is this?"

"This is George Wu," he says, and I feel my heart stop as I realize why he must be calling me.

"Is Tori okay?" I ask quickly, making Tobias look at me worriedly.

"She was in a car accident," he answers, and I can hear the sadness in his voice. "On her way home."

I sit there for a moment in shock before George asks if I am still there. Every part of me is in panic mode, but I realize that I have to answer.

"What happened to her?" I ask, my voice already starting to shake.

"She's in the hospital right now," he explains. "I figured I should let you know that she might not be home for a few days."

I feel a lump in my throat, as I try to speak but find myself unable to. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, so I squeeze them shut. As soon as my eyes close, a familiar scene begins to play out in my mind. The day that I found out my parents were in a car accident. I remember not being able to wrap my head around it, like I can't now. I remember Caleb telling me that they would be okay. He told me they would come home just like George is saying Tori will. But they didn't.

Before I can process what is happening, Tobias has taken the phone from me and explained who he is to George before asking exactly what happened. As he talks to George, I simply sit there, with my eyes still closed. Watching Caleb in my mind, over and over again, telling me that my parents will come home. I watch him lie to me over and over again.

"Tris?"

I open my eyes finally, and I realize that quite a few tears have found their way out. He looks at me with concern, as he wraps his arms around me.

"George left his number, and he said he'll call to update us," he says. "He said that she's gonna be fine. She's gonna come home as soon as she's better, okay?"

"That's what Caleb said."

He looks at me sadly, and I can tell that he knows exactly what I mean by that. But he doesn't say anything. He just pulls me in toward him and I accept the embrace. Before I have time to consider if I should or not, I find myself crying into his shoulder, and he holds onto me the entire time.

I know that I am being selfish right now for crying when Tori is the one hurt. But I can't help it. There have been times when Tori felt more like my mother than my actual mother. But I lost my actual mother. And father. And brother. And Marlene.

I don't think I can handle losing any more family. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it.

"It's gonna be all right, Tris," Tobias says into my hair.

I want to believe him. But I don't.

* * *

It took a long time for Tobias to convince me to go to bed. But, like I expected, the night was full of nightmares. Not nightmares that made me scream for help. But nightmares that left me paralyzed in fear so that I had to suffer through it alone while Tobias slept peacefully next to me.

As I try to bring my breathing back to normal, I lift my head slightly to look past Tobias and at the clock on his bedside table. It is about three in the morning.

I slowly push myself out of the bed, careful not to wake Tobias. I walk just as slowly, just as quietly to the bathroom where I turn on the light and close the door behind me. My wrist begins to ache as the urge overcomes me. I find a pair of scissors in the first drawer that I open. And that's when it hits me.

I can't cut myself. I promised Tobias that I would talk to him first and I am in no way prepared to wake him up and talk to him now. As much as I want to, I cannot bring a blade to my wrist. But there is one thing I can do.

I look at myself in the mirror. At my long dull blonde hair. It suddenly feels so heavy, like it is pulling me down. And though I know logically that it makes no sense, I imagine it holding my pain. As if cutting it off would make my pain disappear with it. So that's what I do.

Before I even have a chance to think twice, I bring the scissors to my hair and cut. Once. Twice. Again and again. Until my hair touches my shoulders unevenly. I run my fingers through my shortened hair. And I think, maybe I was right. I feel numb as I stare at myself. But that is better than pain.


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi all! So I know a lot has been in Tris' POV and that will continue in this chapter for obvious reasons. I'm going to try to bring back other POVs but right now it just makes sense to go with hers.**

 **Anyway, big thank you to BeatriceEaton46, dauntless4664, velosewer, Naruisawesome, mosuzmartian, Guest, Sawyerrr, Morgan Lovegood, Brokenwings35, lanainwonderland, and notalways0kay for your feedback and support. I appreciate it!**

 **I** **hope you guys like this chapter- let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I sit quietly on the closed toilet, as Christina moves around me, a pair of scissors in her hand. I just stare at the wall across from me, barely even moving. In fact, I'm barely even thinking. My mind feels like it is so full that it cannot decide on one thing to process, and therefore, it can't seem to process anything.

"Okay, that's the best I can do," Christina says, as she stands in front of me, looking at my hair. "It's pretty even now."

"Thanks," I say, bringing one of my hands to my hair without thinking.

"What did you tell Four, anyway?" she asks quietly, as she puts the scissors down.

"That I wanted a change," I say with a shrug.

"And he believed that?"

"He didn't say he didn't," I say.

"That doesn't mean he believes it," she says, rolling her eyes. "You need to be honest with him. And if not, maybe you can be honest with me. Because I have a feeling there's more to this than just wanting a change."

"Does it really matter?" I gesture toward my hair. "It's gone. Who cares why?"

"I care," she says as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. "Four cares, and you know he's going to ask again at some point. And I don't think he'll be very happy if you keep lying to him."

"Could you keep it down?" I mutter, remembering that Four is right downstairs.

She rolls her eyes again and lets out a sigh before looking down at me, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I won't ask again," she says. "Just know that you can tell me any time you want. Now, come on."

I stand up, as she gestures for me to follow her out of the bathroom. We walk downstairs together where Tobias is waiting in the living room. When we get down there, I see Rose sitting on the couch next to him, as she talks to him. As soon as we get downstairs, her eyes move to me and she smiles.

"Hi, Tris," she says sweetly. "Did you cut your hair?"

"Yeah, your sister cut it for me," I say, faking a smile.

"It looks cute," she says, nodding as if she is giving her approval.

"Thanks." I look at Tobias. "Are you ready to go?"

He nods and starts to stand up and Rose takes that as her cue to say goodbye to us and go upstairs. Christina says goodbye to us as well, though she seems more upset. Most likely because I am not telling her the truth, and I know that honesty is the most important thing to her. But I have a feeling that she knows why I cut my hair, and I would rather not say it out loud. After all, nobody likes to admit it when they've been weak enough to have a breakdown and I am not an exception to that.

"Do you want to go anywhere else?" Tobias asks, as we close the front door behind us.

"No," I mutter. "I just want to go home."

He looks at me wordlessly for a moment before he simply nods his head at me. We get into his car, and we stay in silence as he starts to drive.

Tori will be home soon. I know because George called us to let us know. Apparently, she had a concussion, a broken arm, and some back pain. I couldn't help but think how eerily similar it was to the injuries I sustained after I was jumped by Peter and Eric. Still, I was just happy that she was all right and that she would be home in time for the New Year. As soon as I heard that, I wanted nothing more than to go home and wait for Tori, so I asked Tobias to take me back. Since we still have some time before George brings Tori back, we also decided to stop at Christina's so that she could even out my hair so Tori wouldn't suspect anything.

I still feel guilty for lying to Tobias. I know that he knows why I actually cut my hair, but I haven't been able to actually talk about it with him. Even now, the entire ride to Tori's house is completely quiet. But it is not a comfortable silence. It is the kind of silence that comes between people who are trying to bite their tongues around each other.

By the time we get to Tori's house, the silence has become unbearable. I let us in through the front door, and the silence is only intensified by the silence in the otherwise empty house. I stop in the living room and turn to face Tobias, as he closes the door behind him and walks toward me.

"You don't have to stay," I tell him.

"Why would I leave?" he asks, seemingly annoyed.

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to stay."

He sighs and takes a step closer, closing the space between us. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is upset, and I realize that the silence between us has lasted so long that he is about to break it.

"Tris, do you remember what I always used to say to you?"

"You said a lot of things," I shrug.

"I said," he continues, rolling his eyes, "that I wouldn't give up on you. That means that I'm always here for you. That means that you can always go to me when you need someone. I wish you would."

"Would what?"

"Talk to me when you need to," he says. I look down, feeling guilt creep up on me again, but I can still sense his eyes on me. "Tris, I know you've been through a lot. And I know I haven't been there for you every time I should have been."

"Don't." I look up at him, and he stares back at me sadly. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth," he says. "When you had a relapse, when you were attacked by Peter, and now this." He gestures toward my hair and shakes his head a bit. "I wasn't there for you, and I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault that I didn't talk to you," I try again. "You couldn't have known what was going on if I didn't say anything."

"Why _didn't_ you say anything?" he asks quietly.

"I wasn't ready," I say, feeling my eyes tear up as I think about last night. "I don't know. I didn't want you to see me like that. _I_ didn't even want to see myself stoop that low."

"You promised me you would tell me if you wanted to hurt yourself," he says.

"But I didn't hurt myself," I reply, even though I know it is a lame excuse.

"Tell me you didn't think about it." I look down guiltily, but he places his thumb under my chin to make me look up. "Tris, I can't just stand by and watch you hurt yourself. I need to know that you'll come to me if you need to."

"Okay." I nod my head slowly and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I don't want you to apologize," he says, reaching for my hand. "I just want you to know that I'm here."

"I know."

He looks at me for a moment, the hint of a smile on his lips before he puts his arms around me, and I return the embrace. The silence between us no longer stings. I feel as if we have connected in a new way, and it is only that feeling that makes me realize just how disconnected I have felt from him since the first time George called me. I nearly sink into his arms, and he doesn't seem to mind. We just stay that way for a moment, appreciating the safety that we can only find in each other.

* * *

Tobias and I are sitting on the couch when the front door opens, since he refused to leave me alone. He doesn't say anything, as I stand up quickly. I can't help the smile that forms on my lips, as Tori walks in, closely followed by someone who I guess is George. I rush over to her without thinking, and she smiles a bit. I wrap my arms around her, careful not to hurt her arm, and she puts her good arm around me as well. I squeeze my eyes shut, as I feel tears pricking in them.

"I'm so glad you're here," I breathe out.

"You weren't worried about me, were you?" She rubs my back lightly. "I'm all right. There's nothing to be worried about."

I pull away from her, but she keeps her hand on my shoulder and smiles at me sadly.

"I was just scared," I say quietly.

"I know." The way she looks at me tells me that she knows exactly why I was so scared. "But there's nothing to be afraid of anymore, all right?"

I nod my head hesitantly, and she smiles at me a bit before turning to look at Tobias.

"Four," she says, nodding toward him. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," he replies. "I hope you don't mind that I waited here with her."

"Of course not. I'm glad you did." Behind her, George clears his throat, and she chuckles a bit. "How rude of me. This is my brother, George."

"We've met," George says, looking at me. "Maybe not in the most pleasant way, but we've met."

"Well, the good news is," Tori cuts in, "George will be staying for New Year's, so you two will have plenty of time to get to know each other in a _pleasant_ way."

George chuckles a bit, and I can't help but smile at them, as we fall into an easy conversation. The entire time that we stand there talking, I hold back tears of happiness. Every time I look at the smile on Tori's face, I just think about how grateful I am that she made it back home.

* * *

Since Zeke is home for the holidays, he invited all of us to his house for New Year's again. At first, I thought about skipping it since Tori just got home, but she said that she would be fine just spending the night with George. She even encouraged me to go and have fun with my friends, so I went.

Everybody else came, too, except for Lynn and Matthew. Matthew said that his father wanted him home for the holiday. And Shauna told me that Lynn stayed home because it is almost the one year anniversary of Marlene's death. I try not to think about that, though, and I can tell that everyone else is trying not to think about it too.

It is almost midnight now. Zeke's family is here, just as they were last year. They are all inside though, as we sit outside in the backyard since Zeke said that his neighbor usually sets off fireworks at midnight. The air is cold, so I end up cuddled into Tobias' side, as we all sit in the grass together. Shauna and Zeke are also sitting together, and Uriah, Myra, and Christina sit huddled together, as Uriah dramatically rubs both of their shoulders to warm them up, and they both giggle.

"So, are we going to say anything?" Shauna asks quietly, once their giggling has quieted down. "About her?"

Everyone goes quiet, as we all look around at each other. I look at Uriah, as he looks down sadly. Christina seems to notice as well, and I watch as she rests her head on his shoulder, most likely in an attempt to comfort him.

"No," Uriah says, making all of us look at him. "The longer we keep talking about it, the longer we keep her here. We need to let her go." He looks around at all of our surprised faces. "I just think we should focus on the people who are here now."

We sit in silence for a moment, as if we are all considering it before Shauna offers a sad smile.

"I guess you're right," she says, nudging Zeke's side. "I couldn't have asked for a better group to celebrate with, you know?"

There is silence for a moment again before we hear Zeke's mother yelling inside the house. Zeke lifts his wrist to look at his watch, and he smiles.

"Thirty seconds," he announces.

As everybody starts to stand up and chatter amongst themselves, I feel Tobias take my arm in his hand. The fireworks start, distracting everybody, as he pulls me away and over to the side of the house where we are no longer visible to anyone else. When he finally stops, I look at him curiously, and he smiles back at me, the colorful lights in the sky reflecting off of his dark blue eyes.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I wanted some privacy," he says with a shrug.

I can't help but smile back at him, as he wraps his arms around my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck. We ignore the sound of people yelling inside, meaning that it is midnight. Neither of us say anything, as he leans in and kisses me softly. I can hear the loud popping of the fireworks and the sounds of my friends' voices nearby. I feel goosebumps on my arms, even though they are covered with both mine and Tobias' jackets. I imagine it must be a mix of the cold and the kiss.

We pull apart abruptly, as we hear someone squealing. We both spin around to see Shauna standing there, her phone pointed at us.

"Found them!" she yells, giggling.

I look at Tobias who rolls his eyes, as the rest run over to where we are. I can't help but laugh a little, as Shauna brags about how she got a picture of us kissing and Zeke starts teasing Tobias. Normally, I would feel embarrassed. But after everything that has happened, I seem to bypass the embarrassment completely. Instead, I just relish in the fact that I have my friends at all.

* * *

"So, are you ready for this Challenge Day thing?" Uriah asks, as we stand huddled around Christina's locker.

"I'm probably just gonna stay quiet the whole time," I say with a shrug. "Something tells me it'll be just like the support group. Just, you know, with the entire school."

"Great," Lynn mutters before putting her headphones in her ears.

For a few minutes, we talk about how much or how little we are going to say. It seems like Christina is the only one okay with sharing her experiences while the rest of us have agreed to keep fairly quiet. Even now Matthew is pretty quiet as all of us talk. I can't help but feel guilty because I know he has been feeling awkward around me ever since the way I reacted to his gift. Still, I feel a bit awkward around him too for it, so I don't try to talk to him. Even when the bell rings minutes later and we separate, I don't wait for him like I usually do. Instead, I just walk off on my own.

When it comes time for the Challenge Day, we are led into the gymnasium where there are now chairs set up and a long line of tape in the center of the floor. I quickly manage to find Uriah in the crowd and Matthew follows him though he still won't look at me. I let out a sigh, as I look at him staring at the ground. Something tells me this is going to be a long day.

* * *

One of the activities is called Cross the Line. That's why the tape was on the ground. One of the counselors says something and if you have ever experienced it, you're supposed to step over the line. They said it is to gain perspective, just like Matthew told me a while ago, but that doesn't make telling the truth to all these strangers any easier.

"I guess that's why they call it Challenge Day," Uriah whispers when I vocalize the thought.

"Cross the line," the counselor calls out, "if you are an only child."

"Should I?" Uriah grins.

I laugh a little, but luckily the counselor doesn't seem to notice. Instead he continues to call out statements, and I watch people step forward for each one.

"Cross the line if your parents are divorced."

I sense Matthew take a step forward next to me, but I don't look at him out of fear that if I give him even a smile or reassurance, he will take it the wrong way.

"Cross the line if you have been in love."

I don't bother to look at Matthew, as Uriah and I take a step forward together. He smiles and looks away, so I look as well only to see that he has found Christina all the way down the line but she is completely oblivious to his staring.

"Cross the line if you have a hero or role model in your life."

I take a step forward thinking of Tori. I also can't help but think that this is much easier than I thought it would be.

"Cross the line if you have done something embarrassing as a result of drug or alcohol use."

I roll my eyes and take a step forward, as I think of the time that Uriah gave me Peace.

"Cross the line if you know someone who has been sexually assaulted."

The room goes quiet, though I'm not sure if it's real or just in my head. I take a step forward with just one word in my mind.

 _Me_.

"If you know someone who has pressured another person to have sex."

Peter and Eric. I take a deep breath to steady myself as I take a step forward. I can feel both Uriah and Matthew's eyes on me but I try to ignore it.

"Cross the line if you know someone who died in a car accident."

I bite down on my lip so hard that I'm afraid it might bleed. Though that is the least of my concerns as I take a step forward.

"Cross the line if you know someone who attempted to die by suicide."

Me.

I feel tears prickling at my eyes. My hands clench into fists, but I stay standing where I am. It is only then that I notice that Uriah took a step forward and he is looking at me sadly. Before I even have time to think about it, the words come from my mouth.

"Maybe I should just stay on the line," I mutter.

He opens his mouth to respond but before he can, I have already started walking away. I hear one of the counselors call after me, but I don't stop until I am outside in one of the hallways. I lean back against the lockers and run my hands over my face. By the time I have finished, the gym door opens.

"Hey," Matthew says, smiling sadly as he approaches me. "I managed to convince them to let me come and get you rather than a counselor. What happened anyway?"

I shake my head a bit, as he stands in front of me.

"I guess I just couldn't handle it," I say with a shrug. "I didn't think it would be that hard just to step forward."

"Me neither," he says, placing his hand on my shoulder. "But hey, I'm always here for you."

I look up at him, and I suddenly feel very uncomfortable with his hand on my shoulder. I stand up straighter, letting his hand fall.

"Matthew, I have a boyfriend," I say before I can overthink it.

He furrows his eyebrows at me. "I know that, I just-"

"I know what you're trying to do," I cut in, and he starts to look upset. "But I have a boyfriend and-"

"A boyfriend who, last I heard, is too busy for you," he retorts. I look at him, as anger appears on his face. "Every time he's come up in conversation, you always said that he was too busy for you."

"He's in college, of course he's busy!"

"So what?" He shakes his head and sighs. "I wouldn't do that to you. I would always find time for you, but obviously his priorities are different."

Anger courses through me at his words, but I force myself to take a breath to hold it back.

"Get away from me, Matthew," I saw slowly.

"Right." He shakes his head and takes a step away from me. "Well, let me know when you realize you should be treated better."

I stand there, my fists still clenched with anger, as I watch Matthew walk away. As much as I wish they hadn't, I know that his words have gotten under my skin.


	38. Chapter 38

**I just have to say, your reactions are always wonderful, and I love reading them all! So big thank you to Sawyerrr, Brokenwings35, mosuzmartian, ManhattanSky, mlwil, Naruisawesome, Guest, rubberduckybugati, notalways0kay, Book-lover11189, lanainwonderland, BeatriceEaton46, and dauntless4664 for your love and support! I greatly appreciate it!**

 **I mapped it out and this story should be 45 chapters! So, like I said, if there's anything you absolutely want to see, let me know before it comes to a close (sadly). I absolutely love writing this story, but unfortunately all stories have to come to an end :(**

 **So, I'm sorry for the cliffhangers, but just know this: I would never do anything to ruin this story, so please don't get too mad at me! (You'll know what I'm talking about by the end of the chapter.)**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter- let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

After I stormed out of the Challenge Day, I was forced to talk to one of the counselors to make sure I was okay. Unfortunately that ended up being Harrison, who takes nothing seriously, so I just told him the bare minimum so that he would let me go. Tori said that she was sorry that she wasn't the one I went to talk to, but I knew that Principal Matthews never would have allowed that anyway.

Besides, Harrison is the least of my concerns. I cannot get the conversation with Matthew out of my head, and my mind keeps repeating the events of Challenge Day as a whole. It still stings, all of it. The activities, the way that Uriah looked at me so sadly, the way that Matthew acted. I always thought he was so sweet and kind. I never could have predicted he would act like that.

"Tris?" I hear Tori yell from downstairs.

I hop off my bed and rush over to my door. When I open it and step out, I see Tori at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me.

"Someone's here to see you," she says with a smile, as she gestures outside.

I look at her curiously, but she walks away without saying any more. I walk down the stairs and let myself out through the front door. On the front step, I see Tobias standing there, his back to me as he looks around. He turns around to face me, as I close the door behind me and look at him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, as I close the space between us.

"Uriah called me," he explains. "He told me what happened. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Don't you have work soon?"

"Amar will understand," he says, smiling a bit. "This is a little more important."

And that is when I think about what Matthew said, how I let it get under my skin. How I could ever doubt Tobias for even a second is beyond me. He is always there for me, even when I haven't asked him to be. Contrary to what Matthew said, he always makes time for me when I need him, and I know that I am a priority for him just like he is a priority for me.

Without saying anything, I wrap my arms around his neck and sink into him, as he returns the embrace. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, as he rubs my back lightly.

"You were right," I mumble into his shoulder.

"About what?" he asks, as he runs one of his hands over my shortened hair.

"Matthew." I pull away just enough to look at him. "He wants to be more than friends."

"And?"

I look at him for a moment, wondering if it is worth it to add what Matthew said about him. As I stare back at him, I decide that there is no point in making him mad at someone who I have already decided to break away from.

"And I told him to go away," I say, smiling slightly.

"That's what I like to hear," he says with a smirk. I laugh a little, as he rests his forehead on mine. "But I am sorry. I know you guys were close."

"Doesn't matter." I shrug. "I'd pick you over him any day."

Before he can say anything, I capture his lips with mine, and he doesn't seem to mind. I feel relief rush over me, as he kisses me back. After everything that happened today, kissing Tobias feels like a momentary break from everything. But he pulls away too soon and looks at me for a moment.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

"Nothing," he shrugs, as I take my arms away from his neck and rest my hands on his chest instead. "There's just something I wanted to tell you."

"What is it?"

He looks away for a moment and takes a deep breath before finally looking at me again, almost nervously.

"I've been thinking about my father a lot," he says quietly. "And the letter he sent me."

"And?" I press, even though I have a feeling I know where this is going.

"And I think I'm going to meet with him." He sighs, as I look at him, still surprised. "I guess, I just need to know."

"Know what?"

"Why he would contact me after all these years," he shrugs. "What he could possibly have to say."

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" I ask.

"I know," is all he says.

I pull away from him, as I hear the front door open behind me. When I turn around, I see Tori ducking her head out.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says. "I just thought I should ask if Four is staying for dinner."

"Sure-"

"No," I cut in, looking at him. "You have work."

He smiles and shrugs a bit before looking at Tori and responding.

"I'm already late."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

An hour away. All this time, he has only been an hour away. I try not to focus on that chilling detail, as I pull up to the house that matches the address he gave me in his letter. When I park the car, I simply sit there for a moment, trying to figure out if I really want to do this or not. Still, I know that it is too late to back out now. With that thought in mind, I let myself out of the car and start toward the house.

It is so generic. Just like the house I grew up in, so eerily similar that it almost makes me sick. The grass is a healthy green, the pathway leading up to the house is clean. There are a couple of steps leading up to the front porch. On the front porch, there are a couple of patio chairs and a small table. It seems so oddly welcoming for such a cruel man. I look to the door which has a screen door in front of it. Before I can think too much, I knock loudly on the door frame and take a deep breath.

Nerves begin to creep up on me, as the realization of what is about to happen sets in. I hear movement from inside the house, and I take a deep breath to steady myself. Even as the door knob turns, I am still considering bolting away, but my feet stay glued to the ground. The door swings open, and our eyes meet, as we are separated by only the screen door. We just stare at each other for a moment, as if we are both taking the other in.

He is just as I remembered him, just a bit more aged. His eyes are mine, and it is that realization that hurts, that I have any resemblance to this monster. He opens up the screen door and takes a step forward.

"Tobias?" he asks quietly.

I simply stare back at him, knowing that he already knows the answer. His eyes seem glassy, as if he is happy to see me, but I realize that I have no sympathy for him, even if he were to have a full breakdown in front of me. He looks at me for a moment before opening the door wider and gesturing for me to come in.

"We can stay out here," I mutter.

He hesitates for a moment before nodding his head and closing the door behind him. He walks over to the outdoor chairs, and I follow him wordlessly. When we sit down, he looks at me again, and I can't help but wonder why he is acting so easygoing now.

"You look so different, now," he says, still staring at me. "You really grew up."

"Well, people tend to do that."

He lets out a sigh, as he leans forward a bit in his chair.

"Tobias, I know how you must feel about me," he says, rubbing his hands together as if he is nervous. "But I would appreciate it if you could at least be open to this conversation."

"What will you do if I'm not?" I mutter sarcastically.

"Look, son-"

"No," I say through gritted teeth. "You can't call me that anymore."

He stares at me for a moment, a mix of sadness and anger in his features.

"You'll always be my son, Tobias," he says in a familiar quiet voice. "Whether you like it or not."

"Why don't you just tell me what you wanted to tell me," I say gruffly.

There is a moment of silence, as he looks around. He still hasn't met my eyes when he starts to speak again.

"Things are different now, Tobias," he says suddenly. " _I'm_ different now. I know that the way I treated you was wrong."

"What is this, one of your steps?"

"But I've changed," he continues, ignoring me. He looks at me, his eyes glassy again. "I found God, Tobias."

"You've got to be kidding."

"Why is that so hard to believe?" he asks, sounding a bit angry now.

"Why do you think?" I bite back.

He shakes his head, and I can see his fists clenching as he bites back his anger.

"Why did you come here today if you don't even plan on hearing me out?"

"Why did you write me?" I retort. "You knew I wasn't going to just forgive you at the drop of a hat. You fucked up-"

"Tobias!"

"I'll say whatever I want," I cut in. "You can't control what I say anymore. You fucked up, and you took my childhood away from me. The years I've spent away from you were by far the best of my life-"

"Then why are you here?" He demands, standing up,

I stand up as well quickly, adrenaline coursing through me before I remember that he can no longer hurt me.

"Good question," I mutter.

I don't bother to say anything else, as I turn and walk down the steps that lead to the walkway. I hear him call after me, but I ignore it. I get into my car and drive away without even looking back.

* * *

It's hard to pay attention to Tris, as we practice her hits. It's been a while since she last practiced, and I am glad that she decided to continue with it, but my mind has been focused on the encounter with my father since yesterday. She must notice since she eventually stops and looks at me worriedly.

"You can't just keep saying 'nothing'," she says. "What's the matter?"

I watch her, as she picks up the water bottle that I gave her and takes a sip from it. I know that I won't be able to keep it from her much longer, anyway. I decide that I might as well tell her now.

"Well, you know that I went to see him yesterday." She nods in response, signaling for me to continue. "It was... strange."

"Strange how?" she asks.

"He was acting different, but he didn't seem different," I explain. "He told me that he was different. That he found God or something like that. But he still got mad at me for not believing him."

"He didn't try to do anything to you, did he?" she asks, looking more worried.

"No, of course not," I sigh. "We just talked. But eventually, I couldn't talk to him anymore. So, I just left."

She looks at me wordlessly for a moment, and I look back at her trying to figure out what she is thinking, but her face is unreadable.

"I thought maybe I would get some kind of closure from it," I shrug. "But I got nothing from it."

"You don't always have to get something from everything," she says quietly. "Sometimes it's just an experience."

"I guess you're right," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm sorry I'm not focused. I just keep thinking about it."

"Don't be sorry." She takes a step toward me and takes my hand in hers. "Remember when Caleb came back, and how upset with him I was?"

"I remember," I say.

"Do you remember what you said to me?" she asks, and I look at her curiously. "You said that you would be my family. I don't have to worry about Caleb, and you don't have to worry about your father. I'll be your family."

I can't help the smile that forms on my lips at her words, and she smiles back at me. I wrap my arms around her small frame and pull her in close to me, wanting the comfort that only she can give me. I find myself thinking that she is right. I don't need to spend time worrying about someone as horrible as my father. I don't need to worry about who he used to be or who he might be now. Instead, I should worry about my real family: her.

* * *

When Valentine's Day comes, I find myself staring at the clock, waiting for class to end. I have never seen myself as a romantic, but since Tris has been helping me so much lately and being so patient with me every time I bring up my father, I decided that it might be nice to surprise her. Especially since it has been difficult finding time to talk to her since we are both always studying or working.

Finally, the bell rings, and I pack my books into my book bag without hesitation. I throw my book bag over my shoulders, as everyone else starts to file out of the room as well.

"Hey, Four!"

I inwardly groan. Unfortunately, this is the class that I have with Nita. She catches up with me and smiles, as we walk down the hallway side-by-side.

"So, what are you up to today?" Before I can even respond, she continues. "I have a date later!"

"That's awesome," I say halfheartedly.

"Yeah, apparently he's really nice. My friend set it up," she rambles on.

Eventually, I stop listening. Ever since Tris came to my apartment while Nita was there, Nita has been trying tirelessly to make me jealous by talking about all her dates. I just wonder when she will finally realize that it isn't working. Luckily, the walk to the parking lot is fairly short. I tell her that I am late for work so that she will let me go, and I get into my car before she can change her mind. I take a deep breath, deciding that I can't let a short encounter with Nita ruin today. With that in mind, I look in the back seat to make sure the flower that I bought is still okay before I start driving.

About ten minutes later, I stop and park the car. I reach into the backseat and grab the one rose before getting out of the car and walking toward my destination, Bud's Tattoo Shop. When I push the door open, I see her at the counter, talking to who I suppose is Bud. She turns around immediately and starts to greet me before she realizes who I am.

"A rose!" Bud calls out, a grin on his face. "You shouldn't have!"

Tris elbows him playfully, and he chuckles before excusing himself and walking into one of the rooms. I look at her, as she comes around the counter and smiles at me.

"What do you think you're doing here?" she asks.

"It's Valentine's Day," I say as if it is the most obvious thing.

"And I'm working," she reminds me, though she is still smiling.

"I realize," I say with a smirk. "I just came to drop this off."

She raises an eyebrow and looks at me for a moment before taking the rose out of my hand and looking down at it. I look around to make sure that Bud is still out of the room before I lean down to kiss her on the cheek. She looks up, as the door opens and a couple more people file in.

"I guess I'll let you get back to it," I say, making her look at me again. "But I'll be back to pick you up when your shift is done."

"You will?" she asks, raising an eyebrow again.

"I will," I nod at her, making her smile again. "Hang in there, okay?"

She rolls her eyes and nods before returning to her place behind the counter, as the other people who just walked in walk over to the counter. I decide to leave so that I don't get her in any kind of trouble. Now I just have to wait a few hours.

* * *

"Just tell Tori you're sleeping over at Christina's," I urge her, as we leave the restaurant.

Once her shift ended, I decided to take her to dinner since Shauna told me that that is how most people celebrate Valentine's Day. Now that we are done, though, I realize that I am not ready to say goodbye to her and call it a night. So, I put the idea of sleeping over in the air, but she hasn't given me a straight answer yet.

"I feel bad lying to her," she says with a shrug.

We stop outside the restaurant and stand facing each other, as her fingers worry over the stem of the rose that I gave her.

"Then, don't," I say. "I doubt she'll even care if you tell her you're sleeping at my apartment."

"Fine," she groans, as she takes her phone out. "But I'm just gonna tell her that I'm sleeping over at a friend's house."

"So that's how you see me, then?" I ask with mock sadness.

"Oh, shut up," she mutters, as she types the message on her phone.

I laugh a little, as I wait for her to finish. Once she has, we get into the car together, and I start driving back to my apartment. When we get there, we almost instantly end up on the couch together, and Tris places the rose on the coffee table before looking at me and smiling.

"I'm glad you surprised me today," she says. "I was kinda having a shitty day."

"Were you?" I ask, as I put my arm around her and pull her closer.

"Yeah, I woke up in a bad mood," she says, her smile faltering a bit. "And then I got some rude customers. But as soon as I saw you, I felt better."

"I'm glad I could be of assistance," I smirk.

"You do tend to have that effect," she replies, playing with the collar of my shirt.

"You tend to have that effect on me, too."

She blushes a bit, and her eyes flit down to my collar, as her fingers continue to worry over it. I place my thumb under her chin to make her look at me before I lean down to press my lips to her. She slowly moves into my lap, resting her hands on my chest, and I place my hands on her hips to hold her there. I can't help but think about the last time we were in this position, and it seems like she is thinking about it too since she starts to run her hands over my chest just like she did last time. I bring my lips to her neck slowly, giving her time to stop me, but she doesn't. My hands grip onto her hips tighter, as she lets out a soft moan.

"I love you," she breathes out, surprising me.

I pull back and look at her. Her lips are swollen from how long we were kissing, and there is a soft blush on her cheeks. She looks at me through her lashes, and I swear that she has never looked more beautiful.

"I love you, too," I tell her before we pick up where we left off.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

Since Zeke and Four have midterms coming up, they decided to hang out over the weekend to de-stress. Since Zeke came home to see Mom, too, they decided to hang out at the house, so I invited myself to play video games with them. Now, we are sitting around the television, as Zeke picks out a game.

"Okay, I was gonna wait," I say, as he sits back down on the couch next to Four. "But I'm freaking out, and I need you guys to help me with something."

"What is it?" Four asks.

"Well, Prom is coming up and-"

"I'm out," Zeke says, looking at the television. "I already did my Prom time. Four can help you."

"Why does it have to be me?" Four asks.

"Because your girlfriend is still in high school, so you're most likely going to end up taking her to Prom," Zeke says in a matter-of-fact tone. "You guys can help each other."

"Fine." Four rolls his eyes and leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "I'm guessing you're taking Christina?"

"Yeah! Here's what I was thinking," I say, leaning forward as well. "What if I got her a Pop tart, and then I was like, 'Don't be a tart, go to Prom with me!'"

The room goes silent, as they both stare at me with what seems like worried expressions. They exchange a look before looking back at me.

"No," they say in unison.

"This is what I mean!" I groan. "I need help!"

"You got that right," Four mutters.

"Wait!" Zeke says suddenly, dropping the controller. "I have an idea!"

I can't help but smile as he tells me his idea. I guess having him for a brother does come in handy sometimes.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

I have never felt more disappointed in myself. That is all I can think, as I walk into the convenience store. I walk through the aisles slowly, until I find what I am looking for. It feels so heavy, as I pick it up. It feels like a burden. Because it very well might be.

As I pick it up, I try to decide if I should call Tobias or not. Surely, he needs to know about this. But I cannot tell if I am ready to tell him just yet. Or I could hope that there won't be anything to tell him at all. I can only hope.

It feels heavier and heavier in my hand, as I walk to the register. When I put it down on the counter, the cashier looks at me, her eyes lingering on my face for a moment. I imagine how it must look. After all, I have always looked young for my age. I can only imagine what she must be thinking. But she says nothing, as she scans the item.

I hand her the money, and she takes it wordlessly. I take a deep breath to steady myself, as she hands me my change. And my pregnancy test.


	39. Chapter 39

**Oh my gosh! The reaction to the last chapter was incredible, thank you all so much!**

 **Thank you especially to Brokenwings35, Sawyerrr, mlwil, ManhattanSky, IAmDivergent246, citizensg1, Morgan Lovegood, lanainwonderland, Guest, SraEaton46, dauntless4664, Book-lover11189, mosuzmartian, samordazsa, velosewer, MastaGamerita, Guest, BeatriceEaton46, Naruisawesome, Mikayla, and notalways0kay. I greatly appreciate all your kind words!**

 **I know how much you all looove drama, so of course that will continue, but I decided to be nice and not do a cliffhanger this time! So I hope you guys are happy with that haha.**

 **I'm not sure how I feel about this one to be honest, but I hope you guys like it!**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Do you remember when you said your door was always open for me?" I ask.

"Yeah," Christina says through the phone. "Why?"

"Because I'm at your door right now," I say, as I stop in front of the door. "And I need to talk to you."

"Dammit, Tris, I don't my face on yet!"

"Forget your makeup, it's just me," I urge her. "Come let me in."

She sighs before hanging up the phone. I put my phone in my pocket and stand there waiting for a moment before I hear movement inside the house. Seconds later, the door swings open, and I find myself face-to-face with a tired looking Christina.

"This better be..." She trails off, as she looks at me. "Oh god, what's the matter?"

I let out a sigh, as I walk past her and into the house. She must realize that I am uncomfortable telling her here in the middle of the house, so she grabs my arm and leads me upstairs to her room. I sit down on her bed, as she closes the door behind us. She turns around and looks at me expectantly, her arms crossed over her chest.

"What's going on?" she asks.

I pull my bag off my shoulder and reach into it to retrieve the pregnancy test that I bought. I can tell that she is trying to figure out what it is, but before she can, I speak again.

"I'm late," I say quietly.

"You're what?" Before I can even respond, she gasps. "You and Four have been... Wait a minute, you didn't tell me!"

"Chris, can we focus here?" I demand.

"You're right, I'm sorry," she sighs. "I'm just surprised. I know how you feel about that, I'm just surprised you guys actually... Well, anyway, have you ever been late before?"

"Yeah, but I'm usually not," I say, wringing my hands. "And don't you think it might be more than a coincidence? That I'm late right after we..."

"I see what you mean," she says, biting at the end of her thumb as if she is nervous for me.

"Look, I just want to take the test, and then we can-"

"Wait a minute," she cuts in. "Have you even told Four yet?"

"Well... No."

"Tris!" she says, seemingly annoyed. "I may be your friend, but Four is the other half of this. He needs to know."

"I can't, okay?" I drop my hands in defeat, and she looks at me sadly. "What if it ends up being positive? What are we gonna do? What if he leaves?"

"Hey," is all she says, as she sits down next to me and places her hand on my shoulder. "Tris, don't think like that. You know Four would never leave you. He might be upset, just like you are now, but that will pass. And you know that he will be there for you every step of the way, just like I am."

I bury my face in my hands, as she rubs my shoulder comfortingly. I realize that she is talking about it as if we already know for sure that it will be positive. She is already offering her support for a burden that I don't even know if I have yet.

"I know you're scared," she continues. "But you need to tell him."

"I will," I say. "But I need to know first."

She looks at me for a moment, hesitantly, before she takes a deep breath and nods her head. I say nothing, as she takes the test from me and looks it over for a moment.

"Okay," she sighs. "Take it to the bathroom. I'll wait here."

* * *

We are lucky that Christina's mom took Rose shopping. That way, nobody questions it when Christina and I stand together in the bathroom. Enough time has passed that we can now look at the test, but I realize that I am not mentally prepared to do so. Instead, I find myself staring at Christina.

"I can't do it," I tell her.

"Do you want me to look?"

I bite my lip, as we look at each other for a moment. She doesn't need me to answer. She simply nods and looks down at the test for a moment before looking back up at me.

"What is it?" I ask, my voice coming out as a whisper.

"What do you want it to be?"

I look at her for a moment, as I actually consider it for the first time. I realize that either result is utterly terrifying. While I am still young, I imagine what it might be like to have a family. A real family. Still, I know that I am not even close to ready for that. Even years from now, I know that I could never have a child. Not while I am still struggling with my own mental health. I could never take care of a child. No matter how much I may want one in the future, I could never put a child through that.

"Negative," I croak out. "It needs to be negative."

She nods slowly and turns it so that I can see it.

"It is," is all she says.

* * *

I take a deep breath, as I knock on the door. I pull my bag up further on my shoulder, as I wait. I can hear footsteps from inside, and my heart seems to beat faster at each sound. Finally, the door opens, and he smiles at me.

"I didn't know you were coming tonight," Tobias says, his smile faltering when he sees the look on my face. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." He raises an eyebrow at me. "No. Can I come in?"

He nods and opens the door wider so that I can come in. I walk into the middle of the room and turn to face him, as he closes the door behind him. He turns to look at me, concern still etched on his face. He walks toward me, closing the space between us.

"What's going on, Tris?" he asks.

"Promise me you won't get mad," I say, my voice already starting to shake. "Or leave."

"Of course not," he says, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I had a... scare."

"A scare?" he says slowly, seemingly confused.

I look at him for a moment, wishing that he would magically understand what I am talking about, but he still seems confused. Which, unfortunately, means that I have to explain it to him.

"I thought I was pregnant," I blurt out before I can overthink it. His eyes widen, but he says nothing. "I took a test, and I-"

"Wait a minute." He shakes his head, still looking stunned. "You bought and took a test, and you're just now telling me?"

"I didn't know what to say," I say, feeling tears prickling at my eyes.

He shakes his head and looks away, and I can tell that he is trying not to get mad. I bite down on my lip, willing the tears in my eyes to stay there. I predicted that he would be mad at me, but actually experiencing it is something completely different that I couldn't have prepared myself for.

"Tris, I can't keep doing this," he says in a quiet voice. "We keep having the same talk over and over again. You keep saying that you'll come to me when you need to, but you never seem to actually do that."

"I was scared!"

"Of what?" He turns back to me, a mix of anger and sadness on his face. "Of me?"

"Of everything," I mutter, as the tears threaten to spill over.

He looks away again, but I wish he wouldn't. If there is anything I've learned from my time with him, it's that it is easier for him to resist his anger toward me when he is looking at me. I take a step toward him in an attempt to get him to look at me, but he steps back. My heart breaks, my chest hurts, and I feel one of the tears push over and fall down my cheek.

"Don't do that," I cry, and I see just a bit of the anger dissolve from his face. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I got scared. But I need you now, can't you see that?"

He says nothing, and my chest begins to hurt even more. I realize that nothing will be resolved while he is angry. And I realize that I do not want to stand here crying with him just feet away from me, ignoring me. I duck my head to hide the tears, as I walk past him and toward the door. But before I can make it, I feel him grab my arm. He gently turns me around and puts his arms around me. Before I can decide if I want to pull away or not, he whispers to me.

"I'm sorry."

I squeeze my eyes shut. I know that I should be upset with him for the way that he reacted. I'm not sure if I should be forgiving him so quickly. I'm not sure if he should be forgiving _me._ But I don't bother to think about it. I just sink into the embrace. Because anger or not, I know that I need him right now more than anything.

* * *

When Monday comes, I cannot help but laugh at how nervous Uriah is, as he ties the balloons to one of the chairs in the music room and carefully places the flowers and sign down. He shoots me a look as I laugh, but he eventually smiles too before he walks over to sit down on the piano bench next to me.

"You're just jealous that your boyfriend didn't think of this," he says teasingly.

"I'm sure he could have," I shrug. "But I told him not to bother. I mean, we're together. It's obvious that we're going to Prom together."

"That takes all the fun out of it, though!" he says, as he presses down on some random keys.

I simply shrug my shoulders in response.

"Are you nervous?" I ask, trying to get the attention off of me.

"Not really," he replies. "I mean, I know she's gonna say 'yes'."

"Of course she will," I smile. "You guys are really cute together, you know."

"Thanks." He smiles down at the piano, as he continues to press random keys. Finally, he stops and looks up at me. "So, how come Matty doesn't come to practice anymore?"

I bite my lip, as he looks at me. I have been trying to avoid the subject of Matthew entirely since the incident, but I should have figured that my friends would question it eventually.

"He just got a little too..." I pause, as I look for the right word. "Pushy."

"I think I know what you mean," he says. "It kinda seemed like he had a thing for you, and he wasn't afraid to show it."

"Yeah, that was the problem."

"Well, that's not cool," he replies. "Especially since he knows you're with Four. I'd say you're better off without him."

"Yeah, probably," I mutter.

"Well, anyway, didn't you say you wanted to work on something new?"

"Oh, yeah," I say, taking my notebook out. "But first, promise you won't laugh."

"No promises."

"I sorta wrote something..." I look at him hesitantly, "for Four."

"Aw, how cute!" he squeaks dramatically, as I roll my eyes at him. "I don't give a shit, Tris! You should know that by now."

"You're right." I sigh and prop my notebook up in front of us. "Let's get started, then."

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

I fight the urge to rub my eyes since that would ruin my makeup, as I open up my locker on Monday morning. Even though Tris left my house fairly early, I still had trouble sleeping that night.

"Christina!"

I close my locker and turn around, and I can't help but grin when I see Uriah standing there. To my surprise, he is holding a bouquet of flowers, a few pink balloons, and a sign that reads _I'll ask you to Prom when pigs fly!_ It is only then that I realize that he drew on the balloons to make them look like pigs.

"Wow," is all I can say, as I let out a laugh.

He grins at me and takes a step closer to me, as some people passing by in the hallway watch us, all with smiles on their faces. It is only then that I notice Tris and Myra a few feet away, Myra with her phone in hand, as she records us. I roll my eyes though I can't help but grin right back at him.

"What do you say?" he asks.

"Obviously yes!" I giggle.

He whoops in excitement, and some of the people around us clap and cheer for us, as he puts everything down and pulls me into a hug. The people around us go back to whatever they were doing rather quickly, while our friends crowd around my locker. Myra rambles about how cute we are, as she shows the video to Lynn who showed up late. As I put the flowers in my locker, I end up smiling until my face hurts.

It feels nice to just act like a normal teenager with no cares in the world.

* * *

On Saturday, we decide to go looking for Prom dresses. Myra, Tris, surprisingly Lynn, and me. Tris told me that she talked about Prom with Four and told him not to bother asking in an extravagant way. I was completely against that, of course, but she doesn't seem to mind. As we walk to the store, I end up in front with Myra, and Tris and Lynn end up behind us, having their own conversation.

"This is so exciting!" Myra says, clapping her hands together. "I can't believe we're already getting ready for Prom!"

"And this time next year, we'll be roomies!" I grin, as I bump shoulders with her.

She squeals in excitement, and I giggle at her. Since we are both going to the same college, we decided to request each other as roommates rather than take our chances with a random person. Especially since we saw how that worked out with Shauna and her roommate. Her roommate isn't horrible, but she is incredibly shy and a homebody, as opposed to Shauna who likes to talk, make friends, and have fun. Apparently, things can get awkward between them sometimes.

When we get into the store, Myra and I look around like children in a candy shop while Tris and Lynn simply wander around together, probably because neither of them are as interested as we are. Tris also decided that she is going to wear the dress that she got last year and never got to wear, so she is only here to help us find dresses.

"Who are you going with anyway?" I ask Lynn, as I pick up a dress near her.

"A friend," she shrugs.

"Do I know this friend?" I smirk.

Her and Tris exchange a look before she looks back at me and shrugs again.

"Her name is Dani," she says finally.

"Oh! Short for Danielle?" Myra asks, and Lynn simply nods. "I think I know her!"

"That's cool that you're going with a friend," I tell her. "Most people freak out about going without a date."

Lynn and Tris exchange a look again, and I can't help but wonder what is going on. But Lynn nods and wanders away, pretending to look at dresses, before I can say anything else. Tris follows after her, and once they are out of earshot, they turn to each other, and I can tell that they are talking. I begin to wonder why they are acting so strange before it hits me.

Maybe that girl _is_ her date.

* * *

 **Two months later**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I stop in front of Christina's house since that is where they decided they wanted to take pictures. It still feels odd going to Prom since I am in college now, but I know that I have to do this for Tris. Especially since she missed it last year. I get out of the car and look down to make sure that my suit looks okay before I start walking toward the house. I can already hear voices coming from inside, and I notice that the front door is already open. I let myself in, and I barely have time to look around before someone has flung them self at me. I realize quickly that it is Zeke, and I push him off of me.

"Damn, look at you, Four!" he grins, as he looks down at my suit.

"Four!" Shauna squeals, as she runs over to us.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask.

"Duh," Zeke rolls his eyes. "I'm here for Uriah."

"And I'm here for Lynn!"

"Hey, Four!" Uriah grins, as he walks over to us.

I look around and realize that only Shauna, Lynn, Myra, a boy who I assume is Myra's date, Zeke, Uriah, and the parents are in the room. Christina and Tris, however, are nowhere in sight.

"Christina is doing Tris' makeup right now," Uriah says, answering the question I never asked. He turns to yell up the stairs. "They're running late!"

"We're almost done!" I hear Christina yell back from upstairs.

"How does it feel Four?" Shauna smirks. "To be a college boy going to a high school Prom?"

"It feels great, Shauna," I mutter.

She giggles before asking me about my classes. As Zeke, Shauna, and I talk about school, Uriah walks over to Hana who straightens out his suit for him. Moments later, I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Christina comes down first, and she smiles at me briefly before rushing over to Uriah. Then, the one person that I've been waiting for comes down. She is wearing a black and grey dress that fits her perfectly. Her hair, which is just a bit longer now, is slightly curled. And the makeup that Christina did for her makes her stormy blue eyes pop. She smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back, as she approaches me.

"How do I look?" she asks quietly so that nobody else will hear.

"Amazing," I tell her.

* * *

At some point, we end up separated from everyone, as they all dance in the middle of the dance floor, and Tris and I stand off to the side. After all, we don't really dance much. In fact, I am still a bit uncomfortable standing on the dance floor at all. Mostly because people keep bumping into us, and every other couple is grinding on each other. I roll my eyes. I certainly didn't miss this. I look down at Tris who looks a bit bored, though it is obvious that she is trying to hide it. She looks up at me, and before she can say anything, I take her by the arm and lead her away from the dance floor.

I walk with her until we reach a door that I saw earlier that leads out to the balcony. They did tell us that we aren't supposed to come out here. But I have to reason that that rule was mainly to protect the teens that decided to get drunk. Besides, I don't go to this school anymore. They couldn't really do anything even if they do catch us out here. I close the door behind us and look at her only to find her smiling back at me.

"Is this a new habit?" she asks.

"What?"

"Pulling me away from everyone for 'privacy'?" she clarifies, using her fingers as air quotes.

I smile back at her, as she wraps her arms around my neck, and I place my hands on her hips.

"Have you got a problem with that?" I ask quietly.

She shakes her head, and I chuckle at her. She pulls me closer, and I accept the embrace. For a moment, we just stand there, holding onto each other, swaying slightly to the muffled music coming from inside.

"Thank you for coming to this with me," she mumbles into my shoulder.

"Of course," I tell her.

She pulls back a bit to look at me.

"Can I tell you something?" she asks. She bites her lip, as I nod at her. "I wrote something for you."

"Really?" I ask, surprised. "Can I hear it?"

She looks at me for a moment before pulling me closer again so that her lips are as close to my ear as she can get.

* * *

 _Bend your chest open so I can read your heart  
_ _I need to get inside, or I'll start a war  
_ _Wanna look at the pieces that make you who you are  
_ _I wanna build you up and pick you apart_

 _Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright_  
 _I'm gonna love you inside out_  
 _I'm gonna love you inside out_

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

That night, I decide to stay with Tobias. Now, I am in his bathroom, changing and taking my makeup off. It feels odd to be closed off in here while I change since I know that he has already seen me, more than once, but he insisted. So, I wash my face and change into his shirt and a pair of my shorts before carefully putting my dress back into the bag that I brought with me. I let myself out of the bathroom and walk back into the bedroom where Tobias is standing in only sweatpants. I can't help but look at the muscles in his back, as he pulls a T-shirt over his head. He turns around and our eyes meet, so I quickly walk over to the other side of the room to put my bag down, but I can tell that he already knows I was staring at him. I turn around and start walking toward the bed, and his eyes follow me the entire time.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing." He shakes his head. "I'm just happy you're here."

I can't help but smile a little, as I sit down on the bed, and he settles down next to me. He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him until I am on his lap before bringing his lips to mine. Our lips move in sync with each other, as his hands trail up underneath my shirt to rest on my sides. Warmth spreads through my body from where his hands rest on me, as I think about what touches like this lead to. Apparently, he is thinking about it too.

"Maybe I should stop," he says, as he pulls away and starts to remove his hands.

I let out a sigh, knowing that he is thinking about the scare we had. I can tell by the way that he is looking at me that he is scared to go any further because of what happened last time.

"Look, I didn't want to say this, but... Christina gave me something," I tell him.

I almost cringe, as I think back to it. Christina found a way to get protection for free, so she decided to do so just so that she could give some to me as a joke gift. Of course, she felt the need to tell me that she would keep some for herself just in case. Tobias makes a face similar to the face that I made as I tell him the story, but eventually he composes himself.

"She's something else," he mutters.

"The point is..." I bite my lip nervously. "We don't have to stop."

My fingers start to worry over the collar of his shirt, as he considers this. There is silence for only a moment before he nods his head a bit.

"Okay," he says. "Only if you're comfortable."

"Of course I'm comfortable," I smile a little. "It's you."

He laughs a little, as he reaches up to brush my hair back.

"You know I love you, right?" he says.

"I know." I smile at him. "I love you, too."

Before he can say anything else, I bring my lips to his again. This time, we kiss with more passion. Most likely because we both know what this kiss is leading to.

* * *

"I told you I didn't want a lot of makeup!" I whine to Christina, as we walk through the field in search of our friends and families. "I feel like I'm melting!"

"Take your gown off then, that's what I did!"

I look at her and realize that she is now walking in just her dress and her graduation cap while she holds her gown over her arm. She grins at me, and I roll my eyes at her.

"You're just gonna have to put it back on for pictures, anyway," I tell her.

"Whatever," she shrugs. "Hey, look! I see Uri!"

I look where she is pointing, and I see Uriah still wearing his graduation gown, standing with his mother, Zeke, Shauna, Lynn, and Tobias. Christina hurries over to them and immediately hugs Uriah, making his mother smile at them. As I walk toward them, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn around to find myself face-to-face with Tori.

"There you are," I smile.

"There _you_ are," she says, smiling back at me. It is only then that I realize that her eyes are a bit glassy. "You did it, Tris. I'm so proud of you."

"Really?" I ask without thinking.

"Of course," she says. "You've gotten through a lot in the time that I've known you. But you didn't let any of that stop you. You made it, and I'm so proud of you."

I can tell by the way that she looks at me that she means every word, and I feel my own eyes tear up at her words.

"I couldn't have done it without you," I tell her.

She smiles a little and pats my shoulder before gesturing for me to follow her over to everyone else.

"Come on," she says. "We need to get as many pictures as possible!"

I laugh a little, as I follow her over to everyone else. Christina's mother and Rose have also found their way over to us, and they both congratulate me just like everyone else does. Once everybody is together, we start taking pictures in a million different combinations. Christina and me. Christina and Uriah. Lynn and me. All of us together. More and more until I lose count of all the pictures that we have taken.

Eventually, Tori asks to take a picture of Tobias and I. And I can't help but think about how we also took a similar picture when he graduated last year. I think about how my face was still bruised when we took the picture. How that memory will always be captured in the picture that Amar took. But this time, there is nothing wrong with me. Our smiles aren't forced, as we take the picture. My face is not bruised.

Everything is good right now. Maybe too good to be true.


	40. Chapter 40

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* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Tobias and I sit on the floor of his living room, facing each other. I feel something bump into my knee, so I look down. I smile, as the small orange kitten rubs his head against my knee. As I look back up at Tobias, I pet the top of the kitten's head.

Tobias held true to his promise. Now all of my things are in his apartment, and I will start school soon at Chicago State University, which is only a few minutes away. Since Christina and Myra went to Columbia College, which isn't too far away, we decided that I could also stay at their dorm every now and then so that I could get the "dorm experience" as Christina called it.

Anyway, on his way home from work today, Tobias stopped to get gas, and that is when he spotted a little kitten wandering around by itself. Not wanting to leave it there alone, he looked around for its owner and decided to bring it home when he couldn't find anyone. What a softy.

"We have to put up flyers or something," he says. "There's probably some kid looking for him right now."

"Well, that's fine," I say, as I pull the kitten into my lap. "But until then, I think we should keep it here. And maybe, if nobody claims him-"

"Don't even say it," he says with a warning tone.

"You have no idea what I was gonna say!"

"Fine," he sighs tiredly. "What were you gonna say?"

"If nobody claims him, then can we keep him... is what I was gonna ask."

"Tris," he groans, as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Come on!" I lift the kitten up and press my cheek to the top of his furry head. "Look how cute he is!"

He smiles a little and rolls his eyes before standing up and walking toward the kitchen.

"Don't get too attached, Tris," he tells me. "There might be somebody out there looking for him. Plus, you know my landlord doesn't allow pets."

"Tori could keep him," I mutter, as I continue to play with the kitten.

I hear him laugh a little, probably at the fact that this cat is seemingly bringing out my childish side. I smile a little, as I continue to play with the kitten who purrs happily. A moment later, Tobias walks back over with a slice of bread in his hand, and I grab it from him.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Feeding it," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You can't just feed it a whole piece of bread!"

"Well, what do you feed it, then?" he asks.

"I don't... I don't know. I'll find out."

He rolls his eyes again before sitting down on the couch, as I continue to play with the cat.

"We should name it," I grin.

"Tris, I said _don't_ get attached," he groans.

"I won't, but he deserves a name while he's here," I say. "How about Clementine?"

"Clementine?" he chuckles.

"He's orange," I shrug. "And cute. I think it fits."

"Whatever you say," he sighs.

I look up at Tobias from my place on the floor, and he smiles at me. I give Clementine one last pat on the head before I join him on the couch and cuddle into his side. He puts his arm around me. I can't help but think that- kitten or no kitten- everything about this feels right.

Before I met Tobias, I never could have imagined living with a man and being so happy about it. I never thought that I would make it to college for numerous reasons. Life will always have bad aspects. But I never knew that it could be so good.

* * *

Tori actually agreed to take in Clementine, since nobody responded to the flyers we put up. At least I still get to see him when I visit Tori. But now the apartment feels a bit more lonely when Tobias is not here. Like right now. I sit on the couch, looking at some pamphlets that I got from the school. Since I still haven't been able to decide what major to go for, I decided to stock up on information for just about each one so that I can make an informed decision.

As I look through them, the door opens and Tobias walks in. He smiles when he sees me and sets his things down before walking over to join me on the couch.

"How was your first day?" he asks, looking down at all the papers in my lap. "You already have homework?"

"Not really," I say, showing him one of the pamphlets. "I'm just looking through majors so I can eventually pick one."

"You realize you're only a freshman, right?" I roll my eyes, as he chuckles at me. "I'm just saying, you really don't have to worry about that yet."

"There's no harm in looking," I shrug.

He nods and picks up one of the papers as well to look at it. As he does, my phone begins to ring. I pick it up to see that it is a call from Christina. I gather all of the pamphlets and place them on the coffee table before answering the phone.

"Hello?"

"Tris, hey," Christina says, sounding a bit nervous. "Are you busy?"

"Not really, why?" I ask. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she says slowly. "But there's something I should tell you."

"What is it?" I ask, starting to feel nervous myself.

There is silence for a moment, and I realize that I am holding my breath. After all, it is rare for Christina to have news so hard to deliver that it leaves her silent.

"You remember Melissa, right?" she asks.

I search my mind for a moment before I remember. Melissa was Drew's girlfriend. She was fairly nice, and I always wondered how she ended up with him. Still, she is the only person from that crowd that Christina kept in touch with and only just barely.

"Yeah, what about her?" I ask.

"She just told me that..." she trails off and lets out a sigh. "Peter was released."

Suddenly, the air feels cold. Everything seems to freeze over.

"What?" I croak.

"He said that Eric drugged him and forced him to attack you," she continues, and I can hear her voice shaking. I find myself unable to respond for a moment. "Tris?"

"I..." My voice feels caught in my throat. I force it out. "Can I call you back?"

"Are you alone right now?" she asks.

"No," I say, suddenly feeling very aware of Tobias' presence next to me.

"Okay," she sighs. "Then, you can call me later. Whenever you want, okay?"

"Okay," I say, my voice coming out as a whisper. "Bye, Chris."

As soon as I hang up the phone, I feel the urge to run. I'm not sure where, just to run. Yet I also feel as if I am glued to my seat.

"Tris." I look at Tobias, as he stares back at me worriedly. I try to find words, but he stops me. "I heard. Christina is pretty loud."

I simply nod, as he puts his arm around me.

"He's out there," I say, vocalizing the thought that has been going through my head.

"Tris, look at me," he says, turning my head so that I have to meet his eyes. "It doesn't matter that he's out there. He can't get you anymore. He doesn't even know where you are anymore. Besides, as long as I'm around, you'll be safe, all right?"

I nod my head at him, and he pulls me into him. I want to believe him. But I can't shake the feeling that something bad is coming.

* * *

That night, I dream about the night that Peter attacked me. I see him hitting me, pushing me against the wall, throwing me to the ground. I see Eric's disgusting smirk, as he watches us. I see the vicious look on Peter's face. But this time, I don't black out. I am conscious for the full attack, as he strikes at me over and over again. I am screaming, but this time, the police do not come to save me.

When I wake up, I am still screaming. When my eyes open, I find myself staring back at Tobias. I sit up so quickly that I almost hit my head against his, but he pulls back fast enough to avoid that. I realize that I am sweating, and my throat is sore from the screaming. My body is still shaking, and I realize that I am still engulfed in fear, though the nightmare ended.

I bring my hands to my face only to realize that my face is wet with tears, and I shudder. I feel Tobias take my wrists in his hands, and I don't stop him as he pulls my hands away from my face so that I am looking at him again.

"Tris, breathe," he urges me.

It is only then that I realize how quickly I am breathing- just short of hyperventilating. I attempt to take in a deep breath, as his thumbs skim over my wrists.

"I can't do it," I blurt out, still panting. "I'll never be safe."

"You're safe," he says, bringing one of his hands to my cheek. "You're always safe with me."

"What about when you're not around?" I cry, making him frown.

"Tris, nothing is going to happen to you," he tells me, as his thumb skims over my cheek, collecting the leftover tears. "I promise you, you're safe."

 _You can't promise that,_ I think.

But I don't say that. I just sit there, trying to calm down, as he pulls me into his lap. I bury my face in his chest, and I begin to feel a pain in my own chest. Because his arms always felt like the safest place to me. But now, as I sit in his arms, I realize that that familiar sense of security is gone.

* * *

When the weekend comes, I decide to visit Tori. I promised her that I would come every weekend, especially since she took in Clementine. I have to say, I expected this visit to be happier. But after hearing the news about Peter and telling Tori about it, the visit is more somber than anything.

"He's getting on well here," Tori says, probably trying to lighten the mood. She sits down on the couch, as I sit on the floor with Clementine. "He loves to run up and down the stairs. Especially in the middle of the night."

I force a smile at this, and I can tell by the look on her face that she can tell that it is fake. But she doesn't say anything. There is simply silence for a moment, as she watches me play with Clementine. He meows happily, completely unaware of the tense air in the room.

"You're not scared, are you?" she asks suddenly.

I look up at her and see the concern etched on her face. Of course, I know exactly what she is talking about, but that doesn't make answering any easier.

"I could say no," I say with a shrug. "But we both know that'd be a lie."

"I don't blame you," she says softly, as she rests her head in her hand. "I understand why you're scared. But you know, you can't just live in fear."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You can't let it consume everything you do," she explains. "You can't make your choices based on fear. You just have to go about your life, and do what you want. That's all you can do."

I nod my head in understanding, as she stares back at me.

"I guess you're right," I tell her.

After all, there will always be something to fear. If I made all my choices based on fear, I wouldn't have made it to where I am today. I need to be brave. That is all I can do.

* * *

A couple weeks later, Shauna asks to hang out with me after both of our classes are done. I wasn't exactly surprised that she wanted to hang out since Zeke came to our apartment last night, complaining that they had gotten into an argument. What surprised me is that she wanted to hang out with _me._ But then, I remember that Christina has late classes on Monday, so Shauna probably asked her first and then chose me instead when Christina said no. Either way, I decided that it might help me take my mind off of everything, so I said yes.

"Where are we going, anyway?" I ask her, as we get off the bus.

I look around and realize that the road we have gotten off on is eerily familiar.

"I thought we could go to a cafe," she says, almost shyly. "It's nice... Marlene used to bring me to this one all the time."

"I think I know which one you're talking about," I mutter, remembering the time that Marlene and I went to a cafe together.

She smiles a little, and we start walking. As we approach the cafe, I realize that it is, in fact, the cafe that Marlene brought me to. Once we have gotten our drinks, we pick a table. Ironically, the same table that I sat at with Marlene, but I don't say anything. I just watch Shauna, as she looks out the window and lets out a sigh.

"So, how are you liking Chicago State?" she asks, faking a smile.

"It's great," I say, as I stir the coffee in front of me. "But we don't have to talk about that. I know about what happened with Zeke."

"Right. He did go over to your apartment last night, didn't he?" I nod, and she sighs. "Well, did he tell you what we were fighting about?"

"Not really," I say. "What was it?"

"I kinda caught him checking out some other girl," she shrugs, though I can tell that she is still upset. "I don't know, I just got really mad. And he wasn't all that apologetic, so that just made me more mad. Has that ever happened with you and Four?"

"I can't say it has," I tell her honestly.

Although they are best friends, Zeke and Tobias have completely different personalities. It doesn't surprise me that she caught Zeke checking out another girl. But I can't imagine Tobias doing the same thing. In fact, I'm not even sure how I would react if I saw it happen, but I decide not to think about it.

Shauna simply shrugs before she starts ranting about the girl in question, about Zeke, and about the argument. We sit there for quite a while, and I realize just how much Shauna can talk. Not that I mind. I finish the coffee in front of me in the time that she has finished ranting about everything. She finishes hers as well. And even as we get up to leave, she continues talking.

"There's a nice store a couple blocks down," she says suddenly. "Want to go?"

I shrug in response, and she seems to take that as a yes, since she starts leading us toward the store. As we walk, I realize that we are going to pass the alley where I was attacked. My stomach tightens up at this, and my pace slows down unconsciously. Shauna seems to notice since she looks back at me worriedly.

"Are you okay, Tris?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'm..." I take a deep breath, as the alley comes into view. "I'm fine."

She looks at me for a moment, and I can tell that she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't say anything. She simply nods and we continue walking. But before we can make it past the alley, someone walks out from it.

His green eyes meet mine, and I feel my entire body freeze. I can sense Shauna looking at me again, but I cannot get myself to tear my eyes away from him, as he walks toward us.

 _We aren't in the alley,_ I think to myself. _There are people around. He can't do anything._

Yet something tells me that he will find a way.

"Don't run, Tris," Peter says, as if he knew that that was my next course of action.

"Who are you?" Shauna asks, her voice sounding muffled.

It feels like my head is under water.

"And you don't ask any questions." He looks at Shauna before his eyes move to mine again. My eyes flit down, as he moves his hand into his pocket. I can tell by the way that he moves his hand that something is in his pocket. A very obvious something. When I look back up at him, I can tell by the look on his face that he knows I have seen it. "I would listen to me."

"Tris."

I turn my head to look at Shauna who looks as if she is about to panic.

"I have nothing to lose, Tris." I look back at Peter, as he takes another step toward us. "I would really listen to me."

"Then, what is it you want?" I ask in a voice that I barely recognize as my own.

"Come into the alley," he commands.

I look at Shauna briefly, and she looks as if she is about to cry. But we both seem to realize that there is no escaping this. Not while he has a gun ready in his pocket if we try to run. My feet begin to move on their own, as they carry me into the alley, and I can sense Shauna and Peter behind me. I try to reason that he wouldn't actually shoot us. He still has a chance at freedom. He wouldn't throw that away. Would he?

"You know, I've been looking everywhere for you," he says once we are deep in the alley.

Shauna and I stand on one side across from Peter, as he watches us. He looks around briefly before he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the gun, and I feel my breath catch. I _hear_ Shauna's breath catch before she starts breathing heavily in fear.

"Why are you doing this?" I force myself to ask. "You're free now. Why ruin that again?"

"How dense can you be?" Anger appears on his face, and my heart begins to race as he points the gun at me. "I'm not free. I'll never be free! Now that I've ratted Eric out, it's only a matter of time until he sends one of his little henchman to off me. But before that happens, I need to take care of the person who got me here in the first place."

"I didn't get you anywhere," I say without thinking. "You chose to attack me."

"Don't play the victim, Tris," he mutters. "It's not pretty. Why don't you introduce me to your friend here?"

"Why don't you let my friend go since she has nothing to do with this?" I retort.

There is silence for a moment except for the sound of Shauna breathing heavily like she is about to cry, as Peter stares at me. I've seen this look before. It is not a look of pure anger. If it was, he would just beat me and be done with it. This look is worse. This look means that he has planned this out carefully. That he intends to do something far worse than a beating.

"Sorry, but your little friend has seen too much already," he says to me, still pointing the gun.

I feel guilt rush through me as Shauna starts to cry next to me. Peter glances at her with disgust in his eyes before he looks at me again.

"All of this is your fault," he continues. "And now, you're finally going to pay."

He cocks the gun and I suck in a breath sharply. He points the gun at Shauna who lets out a strangled cry. I feel tears prickling at my own eyes, because I know that it is all my fault that she is going through this, but I force myself to hold it in.

"Leave her alone," I say, but he ignores me.

"What? Nothing to say, friend?" he says, still staring at Shauna.

"Please let us go," she cries, her voice shaking. "We won't say anything, please just let us go."

"Since you asked so nicely," he smirks, as he points the gun at me. "I'll get you last."

"Stop," Shauna cries out. "You don't have to do this. Killing us isn't going to make anything better for you-"

"Kill you?" He raises an eyebrow. "I'm not gonna kill you. But you're gonna wish I did."

I hear the gun go off. I hear Shauna scream. But I also feel the searing pain, and I see my vision become spotted. The last thing I hear is a second gunshot. And then, there is nothing.


	41. Chapter 41

**Hi friends! Sorry if this chapter is a little short, I've just been dealing with a lot lately, so it's been a little hard to write. Anyway, t** **hank you guys for your feedback and comments- you guys really made me smile, so thank you.**

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* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

Having a friend in the hospital is bad luck. Having two friends in the hospital is just unfair. I knew the second that I heard Peter was released that he would be up to something. He always is. But I never could have expected this. Luckily, he was caught soon after. This time, he was not under the influence or "forced", and he was even caught with the gun. Which means that he will not be able to slip out of prison like he did last time.

I take a deep breath, as Uriah and I walk through the hospital. From one visit to the other. But neither of us say anything, because there isn't anything we can say.

We just found out that Shauna might never walk again. It was heartbreaking to see her cry about it. She asked for some time alone with Zeke, who hasn't left her room since they let him in. So, now we are on our way to see Tris. Though we know this visit will be just as grave as the last.

I'm not sure what I expected. But when I walk into her room, I still feel heavily disappointed to see that her eyes are still closed, as she lays on the hospital bed. I let out a sigh, as I look at Four. He is sitting next to her bed, staring at her as if she will wake up from the coma if he stares long enough.

"Where did Tori go?" Uriah asks.

Four barely looks at us before his eyes move back to Tris.

"Bathroom," he mutters.

We sit down in the chairs across the bed from him, and I look at her. I bite my lip, as my eyes begin to tear. It feels strange seeing her like this. So still, like she is sleeping. It reminds me of when Marlene was in a coma.

"Four, do you want to go take a break or something?" Uriah asks cautiously. "You look..."

Four only glances at Uriah, as he trails off. He doesn't need to finish his sentence. We all know what he meant. He looks horrible. He has since he got here. And ever since they let us in to see her, he has just been sitting there and staring at her with a strange look in his eyes. He looks more tired by the second, but he doesn't move.

"No, I'm staying here," he mutters.

Uriah and I exchange a look, but before either of us can say anything, Tori walks in and attempts to smile at us. She stops at the end of Tris' bed and looks at her for a moment before her eyes find us again.

"How long will she be like this?" Uriah asks.

"They don't know," Tori replies, looking more upset now. "It could be a few days, or it could be a few weeks, or..." She shakes her head a bit. "We don't know."

We all seem to look at her at the same time, as if we are expecting her to suddenly wake up right now. I let out a sigh, as I take it in. She looks pale. She looks lifeless, even though I don't want to admit that.

"I have to go to work," Uriah sighs, as he starts to stand up. He looks at Four who is still staring down at Tris. "Four, if you need anything, you can let us know. I can come right back."

"I'll be fine, thanks," Four says without even looking away.

Uriah looks at him for a moment before he looks at me expectantly.

"Are you staying?" he asks.

"I'll go with you," I tell him.

After all, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here staring at Tris' body before I lose my mind. I stand up with him, and Tori fakes a smile at us and thanks us for coming. Even as we are leaving the hospital, Uriah and I do not speak. I realize that he was just in this situation not long ago. Marlene was his best friend, and he had no idea if she would wake up or not. And now, my best friend is in the hospital, and nobody knows if she will wake up or not. I can only pray that the outcome will be different this time.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Tori took time off from work. She stays with Tris during the day, and I stay with her at night. It has been about a week of this. Tori told me that she stays during the day so that I can go to my classes or work. She told me that she wouldn't allow me to fall behind because of this. Now, I am not allowed to see Tris during the day because I am supposed to be in class. Instead, I spend the time in my apartment. Usually sleeping so that the time will pass faster. And then, I stay in the hospital all night.

I am practically nocturnal now. Which means that I have plenty of time to watch Tris at night. I have memorized just about every detail about her, no matter how specific. For example, in our time together I never noticed that she had a beauty mark slightly behind her ear. But now that all I have to do is stare at her, I realize that I am noticing everything. The only thing that I haven't been able to see are her eyes. Her beautiful stormy eyes. I want them to open more than anything. So, I spend most of my time staring at them, just waiting for it to happen.

Now, I am getting ready for another night of staring. Or listening to the machines that she is hooked up to. Of holding her still hand and wishing that she would wake up and squeeze my hand back. I know that I need to stay hopeful, but every second of her not waking up is torturous.

It takes just about all of my energy to get myself out of bed. When I do, I trudge into the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I don't bother to change my clothes. Or eat. I haven't eaten in some time. My stomach even growls at me occasionally. But just the thought of eating makes me feel sick, so I don't.

As I leave the bathroom, I hear a knock at the door. I let out a sigh, as I force myself to walk to the door. Without even checking who it is, I open the door and find myself face-to-face with Christina, who looks annoyed.

"What are you doing here?" I mutter.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she retorts. "I know that you're supposed to be in class right now."

I simply shrug my shoulders and wander back into the living room, and I hear her let out a sigh as she closes the door behind her.

"Four, you can't just-"

"If you only came here to lecture me, you can leave," I say, as I sit down on the couch.

"I did, and I won't," she says sharply. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at me angrily, and I roll my eyes. "You look like shit, Four. How long have you been wearing that? And how long has it been since you shaved? You look-"

"Who cares?" I snap, making her stop. "She might not wake up, and I'm supposed to give a shit about my shirt? Or my classes, for that matter? What's the point?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, what's the point?" I stand up, and she looks at me sadly. "If she's not here, then what does any of this matter?"

"You can't think like that," she says.

"Why not?" I feel my anger bubbling up inside me. "Nothing matters without her, don't you get that? If she doesn't wake up, I can't..."

I trail off and turn away from her, as something unexpected happens. Tears begin to form in my eyes. It feels odd. Crying isn't normal for me. But I can tell that it is being fueled by both anger and sadness. And I can tell that it is being fueled by my last thought.

If she doesn't wake up, what will I do?

Some time ago, I told her that if she hurt herself, I would have to go with her. At the time, I wasn't worried about that ever happening. But now, now that the possibility of her disappearing is so painfully real, I wonder what I would do if she did disappear. I know that I would not be able to live without her.

But would I have the nerve to end myself too? Or would I have to live with her loss for years to come?

"Four." I force myself to look at Christina who also looks as if she is about to cry. "You can't act like this. Whether she wakes up or not, you know that she would hate to see you like this."

I feel a sharp twinge of pain at her words. Because I know that she is right. I know that Tris would be angry if she could see the way that I am acting. She is always so selfless, even though she doesn't realize it. She would want me to go to class and work and take care of myself regardless of her state, but I can't bring myself to do it.

"Four, she's my best friend," Christina says quietly. "I know it's not the same as the feelings you have for her. But it still hurts. I don't want to lose her either. But that doesn't mean I should just stop living my life. I know that she wouldn't want that for me, and she certainly wouldn't want that for you. You have to keep living your life."

"And what am I supposed to do if she..." I trail off, not wanting to say the rest.

"You keep living," she says, her voice shaking a bit. "You remember that the person you became with her is worth being."

And then, I do something that I never could have anticipated. I break down. Pain radiates through my body, as tears begin to force their way out. It feels so foreign, so awful, but I can't stop it. I end up sitting on the couch, my elbows on my knees, as I cry. And Christina sits there with me. For a while, she doesn't say anything, and neither do I. There is nothing more to say because she has already said it all. I know that it won't be easy. But no matter what happens to Tris, I know that she would hate to see me like this. No matter what happens to her, I want to make her proud.

* * *

"So, we'll do this everyday," Christina says, as we walk. "Instead of driving, I want you to walk with me, okay?"

"Okay, but I still don't understand why," I say, as we stop in front of the entrance of the hospital.

"Because chances are you've been doing nothing but moping around your apartment and then sitting here all night," she says candidly. "This will give you a chance to get some exercise and some fresh air. Plus, you know, the human interaction doesn't hurt either."

She nudges me, and I roll my eyes at her.

"But you're going to class tomorrow," she says, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I will," I tell her. "Promise."

"Good." She smiles slightly. "Well, call me if... you know. If she wakes up."

I nod at her, and we say goodbye to each other before she starts on her way home. I take a deep breath before walking into the hospital and taking the short walk to Tris' room. When I get there, Tori is sitting in her usual seat with a cup of coffee in her hand. When I walk in, she looks at me and attempts to smile.

"How many of those have you had?" I ask, gesturing toward the coffee cup.

"Irrelevant," she shrugs, as she stands up.

She starts to gather her things, so I take my usual seat next to Tris' bed and look down at her. The sight is still just as heartbreaking, but this time anger doesn't rush through me. I suppose I must have gotten it all out earlier.

"Four?" I look up at Tori, as she stares back at me. "I just wanted to tell you, I really appreciate that you come here every night. And I'm sure she'll appreciate it, too... _when_ she wakes up."

She smiles a bit, and I simply nod in response since I am unsure of what to say. She says goodbye to me and leaves, leaving me alone with Tris' body. I let out a sigh, as I look at her again. Tori told me that she can hear us, though she can't respond, so I can talk to her. I always felt that it would be painful to talk to her and not be able to hear her respond. But now, I realize that that was a selfish reaction. If she really can hear us, then she hasn't heard much from me lately. And I know that I need to change that. So, I take a deep breath and lean closer to her, as I take her hand in mine.

"Hi, Tris," I start, as I stare down at her. "I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to you. It's just been hard. Seeing you like this, I mean."

I pause, as if she will respond. And I feel pain again as I realize that she can't.

"I'm so sorry that I let this happen," I continue, running my fingers over her hair and leaving my hand on her cheek. "I know you would say that there was nothing I could have done. And maybe that's true. But I've been trying so hard to protect you, and..." I take a deep breath, as my voice begins to shake. "I failed, and I'm sorry. But I promise you, I'll never let anyone hurt you again. You just need to wake up, that's all you have to do, and I'll take it from there. Nobody will ever touch you again."

"But I need you to wake up." My eyes begin to tear again, but I force it back. "I can't do this without you, and I think you know that. I need to see your eyes again, and I need to see you smile. I need to hear your voice. You can't leave me. I love you so much, Tris. I don't care if I'm being selfish, I need you to keep fighting. For me."

I stare down at her, willing her to wake up. But she doesn't. I drop my head, letting it rest on her arm, as I take her hand again. I would give anything, anything at all, to feel her put her arm around me. To hear her telling me that everything will be okay. And as I sit there, I keep hoping that it will happen. But I know that that is wishful thinking. The most torturous kind of wishful thinking.

* * *

"That sounds awful," Christina comments once I have finished telling her about my class today. "Remind me to never major in business."

"I thought you were a fashion major," I say.

"I was just making a comment," she says, rolling her eyes. "I'm not actually planning on majoring in business any time soon."

There is silence for a moment, as we approach the hospital. Though today was incredibly difficult, I am glad that Christina convinced me to go to class. I know that Tris would be proud, and it is that thought that got me through the day.

"So, tomorrow is ten days, right?" she asks quietly, as we stop in front of the entrance.

"Ten days," I reply, nodding a bit. "Hopefully it won't be much longer."

"Yeah," she says quietly. "Well, I won't keep you. Just remember to call me if anything changes."

I nod at her, and she starts to walk away, but I call after her.

"Christina." She stops and looks back at me. "Thanks."

She smiles a bit and nods at me before she continues on her way. I take a deep breath, as I walk in and to Tris' room. As usual, Tori leaves once I arrive, and I sit down in the chair next to her bed. I let out a sigh, as I take her hand in mine and look down at her.

"I went to class today," I start. "I told my professor what was going on, and he understood. Said he would give me an extension on the things I've missed. Anyway, I know you would be mad at me for skipping class in the first place, but hopefully you'll be happy that I got myself to go at all."

"I hope that you really can hear me," I sigh, as I stroke her hand with my thumb. "I miss you so much, Tris. I hope you're still fighting. Because I need you to wake up soon, okay?"

I find myself staring at her again, willing her to wake up in this very moment, before I remind myself that that will not help anything. I let out a deep breath, as I force myself to look away. For quite a while, I just sit there like I always do. But this time, I alternate between looking at her and at the clock. Seconds go by. Seconds turn to minutes. Then, minutes turn to hours.

I feel my eyelids becoming heavier. For quite some time, I resist it. But then, I decide that there would be no harm in closing my eyes for just a few minutes. Before I do, I stand up to place a kiss on her forehead. When I sit back down, I look at the clock one more time. Then, I look at her, and I feel as if my heart has stopped. I stare at her for a moment, wondering if my eyes are playing a trick on me. But the longer I stare, the more real it becomes. It _is_ real.

Her eyes are open.


	42. Chapter 42

**I really have no idea how I'm updating so fast! But I'm taking advantage of it because I know it's gonna be a lot harder to update once school starts!**

 **So apparently you guys want the story to be longer? I'm cool with that lol. Like I said earlier, if there is anything you guys want to see specifically, let me know, and I will try to work with it! But besides that, I'll be working on it!**

 **By the way- YES I did that. Her eyes opened. I'm sorry, I try to keep some of the elements of the original story here, but I just didn't have it in me to kill Tris. I'm not that cruel. Unlike some people. *Glares at Veronica Roth.***

 **Anyway! Enough of my ranting or whatever this counts as! Big thank you to notalways0kay, Book-lover11189, yanb, Naruisawesome, Guest, Mogran Lovegood, velosewer, SraEaton46, mosuzmartian, leek812, BeatriceEaton46, MastaGamerita, dauntless 4664, Universe-is-a-Mystery, citizensg1, mlwil, and dauntlesscandor44. And thank you to VivianJane- your review was so sweet and made me smile!**

 **I really appreciate all your kind words and feedback! It makes me so happy that you guys like this story!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter! I had to do a lot of research for it to make it as realistic as possible lol!**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I stare at her in shock, as her eyes stare up at the ceiling. As she blinks once. Twice. A million emotions run through me all at once, yet I feel frozen where I am.

"Tris?" I ask softly.

But she doesn't respond. Instead, she reaches for her IV and starts to pull. I tell her to stop, but she tries to pull the IV out anyway . Even when I hold her hands down, she continues to struggle against me. My mind begins to race, as I try to figure out what to do. As I try to figure out why she is even doing this in the first place.

"Tris," I call out desperately, hoping to break her from whatever trance is making her do this.

But it doesn't work. She continues to struggle against me, her small hands reaching for the IV, but I hold her back easily. I take both of her wrists in one hand, as I use my free hand to press the call button. I continue to hold her down until a nurse comes in. I hear her say something, though I am not really focusing on her. Others rush in, and I end up pushed aside, as they surround her bed.

I'm sure that it is not that long, but it feels like hours when some of them finally step aside. When they do, I see her laying there, her wrists restrained to the sides of the bed. One of the nurses approaches me.

"What just happened?" I ask breathlessly.

"This is completely normal for a coma patient," she says, as if that makes me feel any better. "Sometimes, when they wake up, their first reaction is to tear everything off."

"Is she even aware that she's doing that?"

"No," she sighs. "She's not aware of very much right now. It'll take some time for her to fully understand where she is."

"How long?" I ask, feeling desperation overcome me again.

"It varies from person to person," she says.

I nod at her, and she excuses herself to return to Tris' bed. I look at Tris for a moment and feel a pain in my chest, as I take in the bewildered look in her eyes, as they shift around the room. But oddly enough, they never land on me.

Suddenly, I remember that I promised Christina that I would tell her if Tris woke up, and I also remember that Tori and I both promised that we would tell each other if it happened while we were with her. I excuse myself from the room and walk out into the hallway, taking my phone out of my pocket, as I go. I dial Tori's number, since she gave it to me specifically for this reason.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Tori, this is Four," I tell her before taking a deep breath. "I think she's awake."

"What do you mean, you think?" she asks slowly.

"I mean, her eyes are open, but she doesn't understand where she is."

I hear her let out a sigh. There is silence for a moment before she speaks.

"I was afraid this would happen," she says softly. "I'll be right over. And Four?"

"Yes?"

"Try not to worry too much, all right?"

"No promises," I mutter.

With that, we say goodbye to each other, and I hang up the phone before walking back into the room. When I look at Tris again, I realize that she still looks incredibly confused. And I can't help the pain that I feel at the sight. I can only hope that this won't last much longer. I want her back.

* * *

It has been a few days since Tris woke up. Tori and I decided that our other friends should not come to see her yet because it might be overwhelming for her. Luckily, they all understood, including Christina.

Since Tris woke up, she has needed assistance standing up, and the nurses have been taking her for walks around the hospital. They have also been working with her to make sure she still has basic memories. It is difficult to watch her go through all of this, but I know that I could never leave her side. So, we continued our schedule of Tori coming during the day and me coming to stay with her at night. Luckily, she seems to remember both of us, but she hasn't been talking very much since she woke up, except for when they ask her questions, so it is hard to know exactly what is going on in her head.

Now, we are sitting in the hospital room, and she is staring down at her lap. She just got done doing numbers and colors exercises with one of the nurses, and luckily, she had no problems with it which means that she is already recovering at a good pace apparently.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, as she glances at the tray that they left for us.

She looks at me, and I feel chills run down my spine. It is the first time that she has made direct eye contact with me since she woke up.

"I could hear you," she says softly, her voice still a bit raspy from disuse.

"What?" I ask.

"I could hear you," she says again, still staring directly at me. "I heard what you said to me when I was out."

"Really?" I nearly whisper.

She nods slowly, as her fingers begin to worry over the blanket on her legs.

"I don't remember exactly what you said," she says, looking down at her lap. "I remember it made me happy and sad at the same time."

"I told you I missed you," I tell her softly, almost cautiously. "I told you that I love you."

She looks up at me again, her expression unreadable. There is silence for a moment, as we simply stare back at each other.

"I think I missed you, too," she says softly, and I feel my heart break at the conflicted look on her face. "You were the one that kept telling me to wake up, aren't you?"

"You know who I am," I say, though I am not sure who I'm trying to convince more. "Don't you?"

"Yes," she replies. "I'm confused right now."

"I know, and that's okay," I say, even though her words feel like a knife through my chest. "You'll understand things better soon."

Her eyes flit up to mine. "Promise?"

"Yeah." I nod at her. "I promise."

She stares down at her lap for another moment before she slowly reaches out for the tray. I stand up to help her, and she looks up at me, seemingly confused again. It hurts to see her like this. But it is beyond relieving that she is talking to me again.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

Zeke hasn't left my side since I have gotten out of the hospital. Now, I am back at home with my family, and Zeke has been sleeping over every night. My mother didn't want me to go back to school while I was still recovering and adjusting to the wheelchair. But she tried to argue that Zeke should still be going to class. Of course, he refused to leave my side. While my mother was a bit frustrated by his response, she seems to understand.

Unfortunately, I seem to wake both Zeke and my mother just about every night since I have been having nightmares since the incident. I remember how fast it all happened. At first, we were approached by a man I didn't even know. And suddenly, we were in an alley with him pointing a gun at us.

I remember watching him fire the first shot. I watched Tris fall to the ground. I didn't even think. I just turned around to reach for her, and suddenly, there was a bullet in my back. It's strange to think that something so small could cause so much damage.

But now, I may never be able to walk again. And Zeke and I heard that Tris just recently woke up from the coma. We only know because Christina called Zeke and told him everything. Apparently, she couldn't remember where she was when she woke up. I can't help but feel bad for her, as I think about how scary that must be.

"You okay?" Zeke asks me, as he comes to sit next to me.

"Just thinking," I reply with a shrug.

He smiles a little.

"That's dangerous." I roll my eyes at him, and his smile widens before he reaches for my hand. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm just thinking about Tris," I say honestly. "It must have been scary to wake up not knowing where you are."

"Yeah." He sighs. "But she has Four with her. I'm sure she'll be all right."

"At least one of us will," I say, forcing a smile.

"What do you mean?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I mean... She might be able to recover, you know?" I shrug. "And she'll be okay again. I might never be okay again."

"Shauna, you're going to be okay," he says, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Just because you can't walk doesn't mean you're not okay. You're still the same person you were. And we'll all still be here for you, always. I'll still be here for you."

I look at him, and he smiles slightly.

"You promise?" I ask.

"I promise," he confirms. "No matter what happens, you're going to be okay. We all are."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

A few more days pass. Now, Tris can stand on her own, and she only seems to be having trouble recalling the incident that put her in the hospital in the first place. Tori made a guess that the reason behind that is probably more psychological. Luckily, she has been talking to me more, and she even smiles at me now.

"When can I go home?" she asks before licking pudding off of the plastic spoon that she holds. "The food is bad here."

I laugh a little, and she smiles, as she uses the spoon to pick up more pudding.

"Soon, I think," I tell her. "I think they just want to make sure you're okay."

She is silent for a moment, as she pokes at the pudding with her spoon before setting it down on the tray. She looks up at me, her stormy blue eyes boring into mine.

"Tobias, come here," she says softly. "I have something to tell you."

I can't help but feel a bit surprised by her request, but I do it anyway. I stand up from my chair and move to sit next to her on her bed, as she scoots over to make room for me. Once I have settled down, she looks up at me. I have to fight the urge to kiss her right then and there. It has been such a long time since I have been able to, and now that she is so close to me, the urge is stronger than ever.

"What?" she says suddenly.

"Nothing," I say, realizing that I must have been staring at her for a while. "What did you want to tell me?"

She bites her lip and looks down before answering.

"I saw my mother," she says.

"What do you mean?"

She reaches for my hand, and before I can revel in the surprising act, she starts to speak again.

"When I was out, I saw her," she continues, staring off at the wall as if she is seeing it all over again. "It was her, I swear it was. She came to me, and she said..."

"What did she say?" I press, as I stroke her hand.

"She said, 'I'm so sorry, Beatrice'," she nearly whispers, seemingly in a trance. "She said, 'I never wanted any of this for you. I know you don't believe me, but I love you, and I'm sorry.'"

"Is that all?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

"No." She shakes her head a bit, but her eyes never move from the wall. "She told me I wasn't done yet. She told me to listen to someone. I think she meant you. She wanted me to listen to you when you told me to keep fighting. She told me that I had to wake up. So I tried to."

"And you did," I finish.

She nods a bit. The room is silent again before she looks up at me and smiles just the slightest bit. Then, she does something that surprises me completely. She leans into me and places a kiss on my cheek. When she pulls away, she looks at me for only a moment, the hint of a smile on her lips, before she looks down at her lap again.

"I know that I love you," she says softly. "Because I felt so happy when you started talking to me."

"I'm just sorry I took so long," I tell her.

"Yeah," she says. "Me too."

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

I look at Christina, as she bites at her thumbnail nervously. We decided to go to the cafe since we both needed a distraction, but it seems that she is still a little too distracted. I sigh, as I put down my cup and reach for her free hand. She looks at me and sighs, as she stops biting her nails.

"You know, the point of this was to stop thinking about it," I tell her, smiling a bit.

"I know." She sighs. "I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I mean, it's my best friend."

"Hey, at least she's awake."

She looks at me sadly, and I start to feel guilty for saying that. But before I can apologize, she speaks.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean-"

"No, I'm sorry," I cut in. "I mean, you're allowed to be worried. I shouldn't say stuff like that."

There is silence for a moment, as we stare back at each other. For the first time, it seems as if neither of us know what to say.

"I am happy that she woke up," she says finally. "I know this sounds terrible, but for a while, I really thought that she wouldn't."

"Me, too," I say quietly.

"How is Shauna doing, by the way?" she asks.

"Zeke says she's all right," I shrug. "He says she's getting used to the wheelchair." She nods, and there is silence for a moment before I decide that I've had enough of it. "You know what?"

"What?"

"We came here to get our minds off of things," I remind her. "So no more talking about this, okay? Only happy things for right now."

"That's fair," she says, smiling a bit.

"Good." I smile back at her. "So, what makes you happy?"

She raises an eyebrow and chuckles.

"You do."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Unfortunately, we had to tell Tris what happened to Shauna. She happened to ask me instead of Tori, so I was the one to break the news to her. Her reaction was heartbreaking. She cried and said that it was all her fault. For a few minutes, she was inconsolable. When she finally calmed down, she said that she wanted to see Shauna as soon as she was let out of the hospital. So, that is where we are headed now. Once I have parked in front of Shauna's house, I look at Tris who is now staring out the window at the house.

"Are you ready?" I ask, making her look at me.

"No," she says softly.

"Why not?"

She looks at me for a moment before she looks down and starts wringing her hands nervously. I reach over and take her hand in mine, effectively stopping her, and she sighs.

"She's going to hate me," she mutters. "It's my fault that she-"

"Tris, it is not your fault," I cut in immediately. "And Shauna doesn't hate you. You had no control over what happened, okay?"

She nods her head hesitantly.

"Okay," she says quietly. "Let's go, then."

With that, we both get out of the car. Tris continues to wring her hands nervously, as we walk to the front door, until I reach for her hand and take it in mine. I hear her take a deep breath, as I use my free hand to knock on the door. Moments later, Shauna's mother stands in front of us, and she smiles slightly, as she lets us in.

"Shauna, your friends are here," she calls out, as we walk in. "She's in the living room, just through here."

She points us in the direction of the living room, and we walk together to it. I feel Tris freeze, as we enter the living room and see Shauna and Zeke sitting on the couch together. Zeke gets up and walks over to us, smiling a bit.

"Hey, guys," he says, looking from Tris to me. "I'm glad you guys finally made it. We were worried about you."

"Me?" Tris says softly.

"Yeah, and I think Shauna wants to talk to you, too," he says.

Tris glances at me nervously before she walks around Zeke and over to Shauna. Zeke and I stay standing where we are, as Tris sits down on the couch next to Shauna.

"Hey," she says quietly.

"How are you feeling?" Shauna asks.

"I'm fine," she says. "I was more worried about you."

"Well..." Shauna shrugs. "It's been hard to adjust and everything, but I'm sure I'll be okay."

There is silence for a moment, as Shauna looks down and Tris stares at her sadly.

"Shauna, I'm so sorry," Tris says, making her look up again. "This is all my fault. I-"

"What? No," Shauna cuts in. She reaches for Tris' hand, and she seems surprised by the gesture, but she lets her do it. "Tris, this wasn't your fault. It's _his_ fault. He was the one who did this, not you. Do you really believe this happened because of you?"

They stare at each other for a moment before I notice that Tris' eyes are beginning to tear up. Just as I am about to walk over to her, Shauna puts her arms around Tris' shoulders and pulls her into a hug, which she surprisingly accepts. Tris squeezes her eyes shut, as she holds onto Shauna.

"I'm so sorry," she says again, her voice shaking.

"Tris, you have nothing to be sorry about," Shauna tells her before she pulls back to look at her. "I don't blame you for any of this, okay? I promise."

Tris nods hesitantly before Shauna pulls her in for a hug again. I watch them for a moment before I look at Zeke who looks just about as upset as I feel, watching the interaction. And yet, it gives me hope at the same time. Hope that maybe now she will finally stop blaming herself for all of this.

* * *

Our next stop was supposed to be Tori's house, but Tris told me that she was too tired. So, I called Tori who agreed that we could come over tomorrow instead. As we approach the front door of our apartment, I glance at Tris just as she lets out a yawn. I open the door and let her in first. She saunters in and stops in the middle of the room to look back at me, as I close the door behind us.

"I bet it'll be nice to sleep in an actual bed," she says, a small smile on her lips. "Instead of a hospital bed."

"I bet it will," I say, as I walk forward to close the space between us. "Would you rather I sleep out here on the couch?"

"Tobias, I remember you now."

"I know, I just don't want to push you or anything," I say.

She rolls her eyes, though the small smile stays on her lips. She looks at me, and I realize just how tired she looks. But I stop thinking about that, as she reaches up to wrap her arms around my neck. I close my eyes, reveling in the simple show of affection. Besides holding hands and laying in her hospital bed together, we haven't had much time for affection until now. Before I can open my eyes, I feel her lips press to mine. And it is as if my entire body wakes up suddenly at the feeling.

I find myself kissing her back with all of the passion that I have been holding back in these past few days, and she doesn't seem to mind. We just stay that way for what feels like hours, our lips moving in sync, as we hold onto each other. It is a feeling that I missed more than anything. It is a feeling of utter wholeness. We only pull away when the need for air stops us.

"Are you convinced now?" she says breathlessly, a smirk on her lips.

"If that's how you plan on convincing me," I breathe out, "then no."

She smiles a bit and bites her lip before she kisses me again. This one doesn't last as long, but I don't mind. Just as long as she is here and I get to kiss her any time that I want, I couldn't ask for any more than that.

"Now, can we go to bed?" she asks. "Please?"

I nod at her, and she pulls away from me completely. She reaches for my hand, and I let her take it, as she leads me to the bedroom. Once we have both changed, we lay in bed together, my arm around her and her head resting on my chest. Just as my eyelids start to feel heavy, I feel her shift a bit so that she is looking up at me.

"Still awake?" she whispers.

"Yes," I reply.

There is silence for a moment before she shifts even more so that she is hovering above me. She smiles a bit before she leans down to kiss me softly. When she pulls back, her smile is still in tact. And I feel my heart swell at her next words.

"I love you, Tobias."


	43. Chapter 43

**Hi friends, so I like half dropped the ball. Half of the reason that Tris went into a coma is the fact that she hit her head when she fell in the alley (after she was shot) paired with the bleeding from the gunshot BUT there's a reason I haven't told you where she was shot. A couple of people have asked, but you're not supposed to know just yet!**

 **Anyway- I am also starting to work on a new story, and I'm super excited for it! I think I'll wait until this story is closer to the end before I post it, but I'll let you guys know when it's going up!**

 **So big thank you to** **leek812, notalways0kay, dauntless4664, mosuzmartian, sleepy1177, Universe-is-a-Mystery, Naruisawesome, Book-lover11189, Morgan Lovegood, velosewer, Sawyerrr, mlwil, Brokenwings35, BeatriceEaton46, citizensg1, and VivianJane for your kind words and feedback! I greatly appreciate all of you and everything you have to say!**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter- Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Amar and I sit on Tori's couch watching Tris, as she lays on the ground with Clementine. Amar chuckles beside me, as Tris sits up, pulling Clementine into her lap. I can't help but smile at the sight. Not long ago, I was afraid that she would never open her eyes again. Now, moments like this, where I get to watch her smile and have fun, seem so much more significant than ever.

"Is something funny?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at Amar.

"You are," Amar chuckles.

She rolls her eyes before smiling down at Clementine and patting his head. She sits there for a moment before Tori yells to her from the kitchen, asking her for help with the food. She stands up from her place on the floor and rushes to the kitchen to help, but not before she places Clementine on my lap and smiles cheekily at me.

"So, does this count as my grand child?" Amar smirks, as I move the cat from my lap to the empty space between us on the couch. I roll my eyes, and he chuckles again."So that's why you wanted me to meet Tori? Because we're practically in-laws now?"

"That's enough," I mutter.

He chuckles again.

"It must be good to have her home," he says quietly, making me look at him. "You stayed with her every night, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Every night."

"That's something." He smiles. "Up until her, you never even gave a girl the time of day. Now for her, you're willing to break your back sleeping in hospital chairs every night."

"Well, she's worth it," I say, unable to hold back my own smile.

"I can tell," he says.

I hear a shriek from the kitchen, and I find myself up and running toward the sound within a second. When I reach the doorway of the kitchen, I see Tori and Tris gaping at each other and a large overturned bowl on the floor.

"I told you this would happen!" is the first thing Tris says.

"I literally just asked you to mix!" Tori says, a smile forming on her lips. "I gave you the mashed potatoes because it was the easiest thing to do!"

I can't help the laugh that escapes me. They both look at me, Tris with reddened cheeks and Tori with a grin like she is trying not to laugh.

"You can't trust this one with the food," Tori says teasingly.

"Oh, trust me, I know," I say, thinking of all the times that I have had to cook dinner for us.

"Four!"

"It's all right," Tori says, looking down at the bowl. "We can clean this up."

"Let me help," I offer.

Before they can refuse, I kneel down to pick up the bowl. Once I have picked it up, Tori takes it from me to dump it in the sink before she starts handing both of us paper towels. Both Tris and I end up kneeling on the floor, picking up the mashed potatoes, and I can't help but smile at her.

"So what happened exactly?" I ask.

"The mixer was going too fast," she mutters. "It spun out of my hands."

I start laughing again, as I imagine it, and she elbows me though she is smiling too. Once we have finished cleaning the floor, we both stand up, and Tori smiles at us.

"Well... we still have chicken," she offers. "And vegetables."

"And I just destroyed your favorite part," Tris adds quietly.

"Maybe I can make more," I say, making them both look at me. "The grocery store down the street looked like it was open."

"Four," Tori starts. "You don't have to-"

"It's fine," I cut in. "Consider it my Christmas gift to you."

They both laugh, as I start to leave. Amar smiles at me, as I walk through the living room, and I have to guess that he heard the entire interaction.

"All right," I hear Tori say, as I reach the front door. "It's a Christmas miracle!"

* * *

"Bye, Clementine."

I roll my eyes, as Tris kneels down in front of the cat and pulls him into her arms. She kisses the top of his head, and he meows. I look at Amar who is also smiling at the sight before he looks back at me.

"I'm glad I agreed to this," he says quietly so that only I can hear him. "It was nice to spend some time with you and the girlfriend. And Tori is a good person, too."

"I had a feeling you two would like each other," I say, as I turn to watch Tris say goodbye to Tori.

"I hope I get to see more of you," he says, raising an eyebrow at me. "I barely see you anymore."

"I'll be sure to make time," I tell him honestly.

He nods at me and smiles before he, too, turns to look at Tris who is walking toward us.

"Ready?" she asks, looking between the two of us.

I nod at her, and she briefly says goodbye to Amar and Tori again before we start heading for the door. I hear Amar say goodbye to Tori one last time, as he follows us outside. Once we are outside, Amar gets in his car, and Tris and I get into mine. As I start the car, I notice her shiver, and I look at her. She is smiling, as she watches Amar in the mirror.

"I'm glad we did this," I tell her, as I pull off my coat. "It seems like they like each other."

"Yeah," she says, as I hand my coat to her. Luckily, she takes it without protesting this time. "It was nice. Like a happy family."

"That's exactly what we are."

Her smile widens, and I can't help but smile at her too, as she wraps my coat around her small frame. The drive back home is short and fairly quiet, most likely because Tris is tired. Ever since she has gotten out of the hospital, I have noticed that she tends to get tired much easier than she used to. But I cannot complain. I am just happy that she is awake at all.

When we get back to the apartment, I close the door behind us and wait, as Tris hangs up both hers and my coat. She turns to me and smiles a bit before walking into my arms and resting her head on my chest.

"Are you tired?" I say into her hair.

"Yeah," she says hesitantly. "But I don't want to go to sleep."

"Why not?" There is silence for a moment, as she buries her face in my chest. "Tris?"

I hear her sigh before she pulls back a bit to look at me. Now, her smile is gone replaced by a hint of sadness, and I can't help but feel a little guilty for bringing it on.

"Because today was such a good day," she shrugs before looking down. "I don't want anything to ruin it, but I know that if I go to sleep, I'm going to have a nightmare."

I look at her for a moment, as she stares at the ground, before I bring my fingers to her chin to make her look up. My heart breaks at the sadness in her eyes, as they stare back at mine.

"You don't have to be scared anymore," I tell her. "I'm right here with you. I told you, I'm not letting anything happen to you again. You may have a nightmare, but that's all it is. Just a nightmare. And as soon as you wake up from it, I'll be here to help you through it."

She bites her lip and smiles sadly at me.

"You make it sound so easy," she says quietly.

"Come on," I say. "I promise, it'll be okay."

She looks at me for a moment before she nods hesitantly. She takes my hand, and we walk together to the bedroom. When we get into the bedroom, I cannot help but watch her, as she faces away from me, changing into one of my shirts. After all, it has been some time since we have been intimate, but I wouldn't dream of initiating anything when I know how she is feeling right now. So, instead, I tear my eyes away from her and climb into bed, and she follows soon after. We lay facing each other, and I wrap an arm around her waist.

"What's the matter?" I ask, as I take in the thoughtful look on her face.

"I'm just thinking about what you said before," she says. "I don't want you to feel like what happened was your fault."

I let out a sigh, as my eyes move away from hers. It seems that we have been avoiding this subject since she got out of the hospital, but I should have known that it would come up again at some point.

"I don't want you to feel like it was your fault either," I mutter.

"Tobias," she sighs. "I'm serious. You know there wasn't anything you could have done. You know that, right?"

"I know," I admit quietly. "But I wish that I could have done something every day."

"I don't," she says.

"You don't?" I ask. "Why?"

"Because now I don't have to live in fear," she says, lifting her shoulder. "Now, he's gone, and I don't have to worry about him finding me or doing something else to me. It's over."

"I guess you're right," I say. "You are safe now. And I'm going to make sure it stays that way."

"I believe you."

She smiles a bit before leaning in to press her lips to mine. I tighten my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me, and she wraps her leg around my waist, eliminating any space between us. A moment later, I end up on top of her, as we kiss, and she doesn't seem to mind. I stop kissing her for a moment to look down at her. She bites her lip, and I feel something stir inside me, but I force myself to ask the question anyway.

"Do you want to keep going?" I ask.

She looks at me for a moment, the hint of a smile still on her lips before she nods her head and brings her lips to mine again. I find myself thinking back to last year. One year ago today was the first time we ever made love. And now, tonight, we are doing the same thing, yet it feels completely different. I came so close to losing her that now, this moment with her feels so much more significant.

Every second, every touch, is a memory to be made.

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

We ended up at Zeke's house again for New Year's Eve. Instead of trying to use my wheelchair in the lawn, Zeke carried me out to the backyard so that we could watch the neighbors' fireworks while Zeke's family stays inside. I look around at everyone, from Lynn to Zeke to Uriah to Christina to Myra to Tris to Four. I cannot help but think how crazy it all is, how much has changed since we were sitting here together last year. Last year, my biggest concern was whether or not we should say something about Marlene not being here. This year, I am dealing with new nightmares. Nightmares that I cannot even run from.

Still, I remind myself that it is possible for there to be good times. Like right now. I look around at everyone, as they smile at something Christina is saying, and I force myself to pay attention.

"She's the biggest slob ever," Christina says, pointing at Myra. "She leaves ramen bowls, like, everywhere!"

"At least I wake up on time for my classes," Myra teases.

Christina rolls her eyes at this before she goes on to talk about other people in her hallway who have terrible roommates and how she feels lucky that her and Myra got to room together.

Eventually, she finishes talking, and there is silence for a moment.

"Can I say something?" I say, making everybody look at me expectantly. "I'm just really happy that we're all here."

Everybody seems to look around at each other at this.

"Me too," Christina says, nudging Tris' shoulder with hers.

"Me too," Zeke grins, as he puts his arm around me. "Here's to a better year."

"Together," I add.

"I hear that," Christina smiles.

"I'll drink to that!" Uriah yells.

"Uri, we're not drinking right now," Tris reminds him.

"Oh, right."

We stop talking, as we hear yelling from inside the house. Zeke looks at his watch and smiles.

"Thirty seconds," he says.

Christina grins and claps her hands together, as we start to count down together. When we reach four, Zeke points at Four who rolls his eyes. Everyone laughs, and for a moment, I forget about all of the bad. For a moment, I am just a normal girl laughing with my friends. And when the fireworks start to appear in the sky, I am just a normal girl reveling in the pretty lights. It gives me hope that maybe I can stay this happy despite the circumstances.

* * *

My mother was worried about me going back to school so soon, but I knew that if I didn't go back for the Spring semester, it would be hard to get myself to go back at all. Luckily, the school was understanding, and now I will have my own room because of my condition. Now, Lynn, Hector, Zeke, and my mother are helping me move my things into that room while Amanda watches us from her side. At some point, we end up in the room alone, and she looks at me.

"I can't believe you're really..." she trails off. "I mean, that really sucks."

"Yeah," I say, trying not to laugh at her awkwardness. "Kinda."

There is silence for a moment, as I look around the room. They have already moved about half of my things to my new room. I wish that I could help more, but it would be more difficult and time-consuming if I tried to help at all. I look at Amanda's side, and I cannot help but wonder who they are going to put in here with her since I am moving. I cannot help but feel bad for her, since I know how shy she is. I wonder if she will even get along with her new roommate. As I look at her side, Amanda lets out a sigh and clasps her hands together.

"Listen, I know we weren't best friends or anything," she says shyly, "but I'm still here for you if you need help with anything."

I smile a little at this, and her nervousness seems to fade.

"Thanks," I say. "I appreciate that, Amanda."

She smiles a bit and nods at me before she looks away. I look away as well, as my mother and Zeke walk back into the room closely followed by Lynn who is pulling Hector along with her. They continue to move my things until there is nothing left. When there is nothing left, I say goodbye to Amanda before I wheel myself out of the room. Lynn gets behind me to push my wheelchair, and I can't help but feel grateful since my arms still aren't entirely used to it.

When we get to my new room, I look around, as everybody starts unpacking my things. As I watch, my mother sits down on the desk chair near me and looks at me.

"What do you think?" she asks. "Do you like it?"

"It's bigger than my old room," I shrug. "It might get a little lonely."

"You won't be alone." I look at her questioningly. "I'm not stupid, Shauna. I know that Zeke will be sleeping here."

I feel a blush creep up on my face, and she smiles a bit.

"I can't say I approve of it," she says. "But I definitely approve of him. He's really been there for you this whole time, through everything. He's more than just a jokester, isn't he?"

"He's much more than that," I tell her.

"I know." She smiles, as she watches him unpacking my things. "I know that now."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It is lucky that Tori and Christina got Tobias to keep going to class while I was in the hospital. Now, this is his last semester. Once Spring is over, he will be graduated, and Amar will give him a higher position in his gym. With his degree, he could look for a different job, but he says that he does not want to leave Amar after everything he has done for him, so he is going to continue working in his gym. And eventually, he even plans to take over completely when Amar retires.

Both Tori and Tobias thought that Spring would be too soon for me to start school again, but I did it anyway. After everything that has happened, I know that the best response is not to let it all get to me and put my life on hold. Rather, I need to jump back into life. That is the only way that I can recover after everything that has happened.

"Need any help?"

I look up from my homework, as Tobias comes to sit next to me on the couch. I shake my head and look back down at the notebook in my lap.

"I'm just about done," I tell him. "It's not that hard."

"So, I was thinking-"

"Oh, no," I smirk.

"Anyway." He rolls his eyes. "I was thinking, maybe tonight you could try cooking again."

"Seriously? Do you not remember what happened on Christmas? Or that time when I somehow ruined a salad? Or that time when you asked me to cook the chicken, and-"

"We're gonna forget all those times," he smirks. "Come on, Tris, you have to learn at some point."

I groan and roll my eyes, and he chuckles at me. I shoot him a look, but it doesn't seem to scare him.

"Fine," I mutter. "Let me just finish this first."

"Take your time," he says.

He stands up and presses a kiss to the top of my head before he walks away. I bite my lip to hold back a smile. It seems like he always knows how to get me to stop being mad at him.

As I finish up my homework, I hear my phone go off. I pick it up from the coffee table and see that it is a call from Christina. I place my homework on the coffee table and sit up before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Tris," she says slowly. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay, what is it?" I ask.

"I just heard from Melissa again," she says hesitantly.

"Okay, and?"

There is silence for a moment. I hear her let out a sigh.

"It's about Peter," she says.


	44. Chapter 44

**Hi friends! Sorry about the cliffhanger in the last chapter, but I absolutely love cliffhangers, as you probably know by now!**

 **Also, I would just like to point out: SO CLOSE to 200 follows and 400 reviews! It'd be really awesome if we could get it there, but either way I'm so glad this story has come this far at all!**

 **Thank you guys for your love and support! Thanks especially to notalways0kay, magunda89, Morgan Lovegood, Guest, IAmDivergent246, Naruisawesome, mosuzmartian, BeatriceEaton46, Universe-is-a-Mystery, dauntless4664, Guest, VivianJane, shybooklover09, dauntlesscandor44, mlwil, and velosewer for your feedback! It's always appreciated!**

 **Like I've said earlier, if there is anything you guys want to see let me know, and if not there is most likely going to be a time skip in the next chapter!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like it- Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Even after Tobias has gotten up and left the room, I am still lying in bed. For some reason, I feel as if I am unable to get out of bed at all. Of course, I have had sad spells like this before, but this time it was brought on by something completely unexpected.

Last night, Christina told me that Peter was killed in prison. She thinks that it had something to do with Eric, but nothing is certain. The only thing that is certain is that Peter is gone, for good. I should feel happy, but something about feeling happy about someone's death feels so wrong. Even if it is Peter.

The conflicted emotions in me are similar to what I felt after my parent's death. I couldn't believe it at first. But then, I felt relieved. And I felt like a terrible person for feeling relieved over my parent's death. And it is the thought of my parents that caused this sad spell to come over me.

My eyes shift up, but I do not move, as Tobias walks back in with a muffin in one hand and a cup in the other. He walks over to my side, and I hear him putting the cup down on the bedside table before he rests his hand on my shoulder.

"Tris," he calls. "Can you turn around?"

I lay still for a moment, trying to gather the energy to fulfill that small request. A sigh escapes my mouth, as I finally force myself to roll over so that I am on my back, looking up at him as he sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at me.

"I brought you breakfast," he says, gesturing toward the muffin and cup on the bedside table. "Do you want to sit up so you can eat?"

"Not hungry," I mumble.

He looks at me for a moment, and I can see a certain sadness in his eyes. It is the same sadness that I see in him every time I cry and every time he comforts me after I've had a nightmare. I watch him, as he sighs and takes my hand in his.

"I know you're not feeling up to it," he says, "but you need to eat, Tris."

I look at him for a moment, and I can't help but feel guilty. I can tell that he is upset to see me like this, but I don't want him to feel upset. It is only that thought that gets me to sit up. I push myself up slowly until I am sitting up and facing him. He picks up the muffin from the table and hands it to me, and I take it reluctantly.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "I just don't feel good."

"Don't be sorry," he replies. "Do you need anything?"

I shrug my shoulders, as I pluck a tiny piece of the muffin out and put it in my mouth.

"Time," I mutter.

He nods his head slowly before he looks away thoughtfully for a moment, as I continue to pick at the muffin so that he won't be upset that I am not eating. Finally, he looks at me again and smiles a bit.

"Why don't we watch a movie?" he suggests.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, it doesn't require much energy." He shrugs. "All you have to do is sit there, and maybe it'll make you feel better. We can watch your favorite, if you want."

"How do you know what my favorite movie is?" I ask.

"Because you told me," he says.

"Yeah, when we first started dating."

"Well, I remembered." He smiles a bit. "Do you want to or not?"

Though my head feels clouded with emotion, I realize that a small smile has appeared on my lips. I find it odd since I have never been able to smile through a sad spell before. But I suppose he does have that effect on me.

"Sure," I say.

He smiles a bit before leaning in to place a kiss on my forehead. Then, he surprises me. He scoops me up in his arms, and I do not bother to protest, as he picks me up, and carries me out to the living room where he then puts me down on the couch. He smiles at me one more time before he moves to set up the movie on the television. As I watch him, I cannot help but think how lucky I am to have him. He is always able to make me happy even when happiness seems impossible. It gives me hope that life can get better. With him.

* * *

At some point during the movie, I ended up curled up in Tobias' lap as usual. Throughout the movie, we didn't talk very much except for commenting on the movie every now and then, but I still feel much better just from spending the time with him. I look up at him, as the movie ends, and he looks down at me.

"Feeling any better?" he asks.

"A little," I say honestly. He smiles a bit, and I can't help but return it. "I have an idea."

"What is it?" he asks.

"Maybe I should try cooking today," I suggest.

He looks at me, confused. He suggested that I cook last night, but after the phone call from Christina, he understood that I wasn't feeling up for it. But now, I hope that it might take my mind off of things.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

I nod, and he looks at me for a moment before he guides me off his lap and stands up with me. He starts for the kitchen, and I follow after him and wait by the doorway, as he starts gathering ingredients together. When he is finally done, he stands in front of the counter and gestures for me to come stand next to him.

"All right, we'll start with vegetables, okay?"

"Okay," I say, as he hands me one. "So, should I cut the cucumber?"

"That's zucchini."

"I knew that."

He chuckles, as he picks up the knife and gestures for me to put it down on the cutting board. I hand it back to him so that he can do it first, and luckily, he doesn't object. I watch him, as he places it down on the cutting board and brings the knife to it.

"See?" he says, as he starts cutting. "It's easy. Why don't you try it?"

I shrug, as he hands me the knife. I look down at it and start cutting. The first few cuts aren't as precise as his, but at least it is pretty easy.

"Careful," he says quietly. "Watch your fingers."

 _Watch your fingers._

 _"Beatrice. Beatrice!"_

 _I looked up at my mother, as she took the knife out of my hand. She looked upset, though I wasn't sure why. This was one of the first times that she let me help her cook, and I had not messed anything up yet this time, so I couldn't understand why she seemed so upset._

 _"Are you listening?" she asked. I nodded my head in response. "You're getting so close to your fingers! You need to be more careful."_

 _"I am," I muttered._

 _She pursed her lips before letting out a sigh and handing the knife back to me. I looked back at the vegetables in front of me and started cutting again, as fast as my inexperienced hands could go. I could feel her eyes on me, and I felt more nervous under them by the second. I tried cutting faster and faster._

 _"Ow!" I yelped, as the knife hit my finger._

 _"Beatrice!" my mother sighed, as she grabbed me in one hand and a dish towel in the other hand._ _I bit my lip to hold back tears, as she quickly wrapped the dish towel around my finger to stop the bleeding. "Didn't I tell you to be careful?"_

 _"I'm sorry," I mumbled, unable to get myself to look at her._

 _"Beatrice," she sighed and whispered the next part under her breath. But I heard it. "What kind of wife will you be if you can't cook a thing?"_

I let out a yelp, as the knife slices through the skin on my finger, the pain bringing me back to reality. Before I can even comprehend what is happening, Tobias has led me over to the sink. I watch, as he runs my finger under the water to clear the blood before he turns off the faucet. He reaches for a paper towel and wraps it around my finger before looking at me.

"You all right?" he asks.

"Yeah," I whisper. "I just spaced out."

"One of the many things you're not supposed to do while cooking," he smirks, and I force a smile in return. "Let me get you a band aid."

Before I can protest, he leaves the kitchen. I let out a sigh, as I hold the towel over my finger. It stings a bit, but that is the least of my concerns. I am not sure if it is because of the sad spell or because I truly believe it. But I begin to think that my father may have been right. Maybe I am useless. After all, I cannot even cut a vegetable without hurting myself.

"What's the matter?"

I look up, as Tobias walks toward me with a concerned look on his face and a band aid in his hand. He begins to unwrap the band aid before I have even given an answer, and I watch, as he takes the paper towel away and wraps my finger with the band aid instead. When he is done, he looks at me expectantly, and I know that I need to give him an answer.

"I'm sorry. You must think I'm really..." I pause for a moment searching for a better word, but I cannot seem to find it. "Useless."

He looks confused at this. "What?"

"I just mean, I'm not good at any of this stuff," I say, gesturing toward the abandoned cooking items. "My mother kinda got impatient about it when I was younger and stopped even trying to teach me."

"So, why would I blame you, then?" he asks. "It's not your fault that nobody ever taught you."

"But it's easy."

"So is riding a bike, but I can't do that," he shrugs.

"You can't ride a bike?"

"One thing at a time, Tris." He smiles a bit, and I return it without thinking. "You're smart and brave and caring, and so much more. Who cares if you can't cook? You can learn. And if you really don't want to learn, you'll still be the amazing person I fell in love with. Fair?"

I bite my lip, as he smiles slightly at me. I look up at him, as he circles his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him.

"Okay," I say. "But I still want to learn."

"That's fine. But no spacing out this time," he says. "You can talk the entire time if that helps."

"Why don't you tell me a story?" I ask jokingly.

It seems that he took it seriously.

"All right," he starts, as I pick up the knife and start cutting again, slowly this time. "Once upon a time-"

"Once upon a time," I snort. "Really?"

"Anyway." He rolls his eyes. "There was a girl... and a guy. And the guy really liked this girl, but it kinda seemed like she hated his guts."

"Maybe he was just giving off confusing signals," I say with a smirk. "So she didn't know what to think of him."

"Anyway," he chuckles. "Eventually, she realized that he just wanted to help her. So slowly but surely, she started to let him in. And then, they fell in love."

"You're really a master of storytelling," I say sarcastically.

"And then, they lived happily ever after," he mutters.

"You think so?"

"I'm sure they can." I look at him, as he smirks before looking down at the zucchini. "See? All done. Wasn't that easy?"

I can't help but smile down at the cut up zucchini, as I put down the knife.

"Okay," I say, as I look back up at him. "What's next?"

* * *

"Did your mother say things like that often?" Doctor Reyes asks.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Did she often tell you that you would never make a good wife?" she clarifies.

"Sometimes." I shrug. "Sometimes it was just implied."

She nods her head slowly. There is silence for a moment, as I push the rake through the zen garden.

"I believed her," I continue. "And my father, too. They made me feel useless, like everything bad that happened was somehow my fault."

"Do you still believe that?" she asks.

"Sometimes. I mean, sometimes I think I've been through way too much for it to just be bad luck. Sometimes I really think that everything that's happened to me is my fault. I know I shouldn't think of it that way, but I do. I guess I just wish I knew how to forgive myself."

"Forgive yourself for what, exactly?"

I listen to the clock, as it ticks loudly. And I feel a slight pain in my chest, as the answer comes into my mind.

 _For being me._

"For everything," I say instead.

"It always seems to come down to forgiving yourself," she says, offering me a small smile. "But in order to do that, you need to believe that you can be forgiven."

She looks back at me, as I consider what she has said. I want to believe that I can forgive myself for everything that has happened. Everything that I have done. Everything that I am. I hope that I can.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I watch Zeke, as he looks back and forth between the cases. I can honestly say this is the longest I have ever been in a jewelry store. I was beyond happy for him when he said that he wanted to propose to Shauna, and I agreed to go with him to pick out a ring, but I didn't realize that it would take him hours to decide on one.

"What about that one?" Zeke asks, pointing at one of the rings.

"I'm pretty sure that's the first one you pointed out when you walked in," I mutter.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "It just... It needs to be perfect."

"And perfect it will be!" the saleswoman chirps, as she approaches us from behind the counter. "Have you seen-"

"We've seen them all," I cut in. "All of them."

Zeke shoots me a look, and I roll my eyes, as he lets the saleswoman lead us over to a case with much more expensive rings than the ones we were looking at. I tune them out, as she starts going into detail about each ring and Zeke listens eagerly.

I cannot help but think that this might be me soon. Tris and I have not even mentioned marriage yet. But we talk about our future with each other, and we call each other our family. Surely, that has to mean something. There is no reason that I can see that she would say no to marriage. Still, I don't want to assume.

But I can't help but think of what it would be like. Seeing her walking down the aisle in a white dress. Putting a ring on her finger. Waking up next to her every single day until the day I die. Before her, I never thought that I would want any of those things. And I feel odd just thinking about it. But I know that with her, I want it all. I'm not sure how I would handle it if she didn't want the same thing. But I know that I cannot choose for her.

"Okay, I think this is it, man," Zeke grins, as the saleswoman hands him a ring. "What do you think?"

I look at it, as he grins down at it. It is a nice ring with a circular diamond, but that is about where my jewelry knowledge ends. Still, I can tell that Zeke is happy about it, so I smile too.

"It's great," I tell him.

He looks up at me and smiles, for once at a loss for words, before he hands the ring back to the saleswoman and simply nods his head.

* * *

I cannot help but feel like my friends used my graduating from college as an excuse to party in my apartment. Since that is exactly what they are doing now. Of course, it was Tris' idea to have everyone over to celebrate the day after I graduated. And it is good to see everyone together again. I just hope they don't make a habit of using my apartment as a space to get together.

I look at Shauna who is sitting on the couch, her wheelchair off to the side. Tris sits next to her, and I can't help but smile, as I watch them talk to each other. I remember when Tris was scared to even approach Shauna because she was afraid that she would blame her for her paralysis. It is good to see that they have moved past that and stayed friends, even after everything that happened.

"Four." I look around to find Zeke staring back at me nervously. "Are you sure you don't mind me doing this? I mean, it is your graduation party, and-"

"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" I say teasingly.

"No! I mean... Kinda." He sighs. "Do you think my idea is stupid? I mean, will she think it's stupid?"

"Zeke, it's gonna be fine," I tell him. "She's just gonna be excited that you're doing it at all."

"I guess you're right." He smiles a little. "You didn't tell anyone, right? Not even Tris?"

"Nobody knows," I confirm.

"Cool." He grins. "Well, I guess we better get started."

I nod at him, and everybody goes quiet, as Zeke announces that he wants to play Candor or Dauntless. He grins at me, as everybody starts to sit in a circle, and I roll my eyes at him. I watch him take a deep breath, as I sit down on the couch next to Tris. Everybody is else is seated on the floor, including Zeke.

"Four can start," Zeke declares.

"All right," I say, remembering what we planned. "Zeke, Candor or Dauntless."

"Dauntless," he says.

"I dare you to get on one knee and stay that way until your next turn."

He does as I say, and I notice Shauna glance at me suspiciously, but she doesn't say anything.

"All right," Zeke sighs, as he gets into position. "Shauna, Candor or Dauntless?"

"Candor," she says slowly.

"Good." He grins, as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the ring box. "Would you marry me?"

I look at each of my friends' surprised faces until I reach Shauna who has clapped her hands over her mouth, and her eyes are glassy. She nods her head quickly, as if she is unable to speak, but Zeke doesn't seem to care. He stands up from his place on the ground and rushes over to her to pull her into a hug, as everybody else cheers for them.

Of course, the game never continues past that. The rest of the time is spent with the girls looking at the ring and talking about how cute the proposal was while Uriah and I congratulate Zeke. As Uriah, Zeke, and I talk, I look over at the girls who are crowded around the couch to talk to Shauna. My eyes find Tris who is watching Shauna, as she talks. She looks down at the ring, as Shauna shows it to them, and she smiles. I can't help but smile too.

"Hey." I look back at Zeke, as he elbows me to get my attention. "I finally beat you at something, huh?"

"If that's how you want to look at it," I chuckle.

"When are you planning on..." he trails off, as he glances at Tris. "You know, popping the question? Any time soon?"

"Oh, don't worry about me," I say, as my eyes find her again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he smirks.

She looks up, as if she could sense me staring, and she smiles before she looks back at Shauna. I smile, too, as I look back at Zeke.

"You know what it means," I say.


	45. Chapter 45

**Hi guys! So this chapter is a little short because I'm currently in a place without internet so I had to write this on my phone actually which was not easy.**

 **Anyway, somebody asked where the characters are now: Four only went to a two year college so he finished that, which means that Zeke and Shauna are about to start their third year and Tris, Uriah, Christina, Myra, and Lynn are starting their second year. Hope that helps!**

 **Big thank you to mosuzmartian, notalways0kay, Naruisawesome, Book-lover11189, Guest, BeatriceEaton46, VivianJane, dauntless4664, PHX, Morgan Lovegood, mlwil, and velosewer for your feedback! I truly appreciate it!**

 **I hope you guys like this one- let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Though quite some time has passed, my parents have not left my mind since I found out about Peter's death. I realized eventually that there was only one way for me to find some kind of closure. I decided to visit my parents in the cemetery. Tobias offered to go with me, but I decided that it was something I needed to do alone.

So, now, I am walking through the cemetery to the area where I know my parents are buried. The feeling that accompanies me for the walk there is an odd one. I can't seem to decipher how I am feeling at all. Before I can decide, I find myself standing in front of two head stones.

One that reads _Natalie Prior_ and one that reads _Andrew Prior_. I take a deep breath, as I approach them and kneel down in front of them. I stare at them for a moment, unsure of what to say. After all, I never really knew what to say to them when they were living either.

I think about what Doctor Reyes and I talked about when I last saw her. She told me that forgiveness would help me cope with my problems. But not just forgiving myself. She said that she wanted me to work on forgiving my parents and even Caleb. Forgiveness has never been my strong suit, so we worked on it for quite a while. In fact, she feels that I have made progress for even deciding to visit my parents.

"Hi," I start awkwardly before clearing my throat. "You probably already know why I'm here."

"Mom, I believe what you said," I tell her, as I look at her name. "About how you're sorry, and you never wanted this for me. I know I didn't turn out how you thought I would. I know nothing did. I know you meant well. And I forgive you."

"And Dad..." I take a deep breath as I look at his name. "I know that I was never who you wanted me to be. You made that very clear. I doubt myself everyday because of the things you said to me. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. And I know you never apologized. But I forgive you too."

Before I can even say anything more, I hear a noise behind me. I look over my shoulder only to find myself staring back at Caleb. He looks surprised and, unlike me, he is carrying flowers in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I've been trying to make a habit of visiting on Sunday's," he answers, still seemingly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"How long were you standing there?" I ask.

"A bit," he admits sheepishly.

"Then you already know why I'm here."

He nods and hesitates for a moment before he moves to kneel down next to me. Though every part of me is uncomfortable with being this close to him, I stay sitting where I am, as he places the flowers on the ground in front of the head stones. There is silence for a moment before he looks at me again.

"You know, I am sorry for everything," he says quietly. "We had our differences, but there were better solutions."

"Yeah, there were," I mutter.

"I suppose I wasn't thinking."

"You're always thinking." He looks down guiltily at this. "You knew what you were doing."

"Maybe so, but I'm still sorry," he says.

"I can't forget what you did," I tell him. "But I can forgive you."

"Do you?" He asks, looking at me hopefully.

I look at him for a moment, as I consider it. I think back again to what I talked about with Doctor Reyes. Being unforgiving will only create a burden for me. If I want to improve at all, I know that I must forgive the people who have wronged me. And that includes Caleb.

"Yes," I reply finally. "I forgive you."

"What does that mean?" He asks.

"Nothing changes," I say. "We still have our own lives."

"That's what I thought," he sighs. "If you ever change your mind-"

"I don't think I will."

I look at him, and he looks back at me sadly, but oddly enough the look doesn't create any guilt in me like it used to. I can still feel his eyes on me, as I stand up and dust off my legs.

"Is this goodbye then?" he asks.

"It looks that way," I reply.

"You know where to find me," he tries again.

"Goodbye, Caleb."

He frowns, but he says nothing, as I turn and start walking away.

* * *

As I sit with Tori at the kitchen table, Clementine bumps his head into my leg. I reach down to pet him, resisting the urge to sneak him some of the food of my plate.

I told Tori about what happened at the cemetery, but she seems to realize that I do not want to talk about it much. Luckily, she has not brought it up since I told her, and it seems that she is trying to steer the conversation in just about any other direction.

"Have you decided on a major yet?" She asks.

"Not yet," I reply, as I poke at my food with the fork. "I'll have to soon though."

"You could major in art," she smiles. "Become a tattoo artist for Bud."

"I'll think about it," I chuckle.

We sit in silence for a moment, as we eat, and I try to think of something more to say.

"A couple of my friends got engaged," I tell her after a moment has passed. "It sorta got me thinking."

"About?" she asks.

"Well, if I get married-"

"To Four?" she smirks.

"To anyone." She chuckles, as blush creeps up on my cheeks. "If I do get married, would you give me away?"

She looks at me for a moment, clearly surprised, before her lips curl into a soft smile, and she nods her head.

"I would love to," she says.

I cannot help but smile back at her. I may have lost my family, but in the end I know that I gained a much better one.

* * *

Summer is going by rather quickly. Most of the time is spent working. Me, in Bud's Tattoo Shop. And Tobias, in Amar's gym. Now because he has graduated, Amar promoted him to Director of Athletics. Now, he works regular full time hours. There are times when the apartment gets lonely because he works more than I do, but I usually spend those free hours with Christina, Uriah, and Myra. Tonight, I am with them again in Myra's house. I managed to get Lynn to come this time, though she is sitting on Myra's bed, looking absolutely miserable.

I watch, and I can't help but laugh as Myra, Uriah, and Christina dance around to some pop song that is playing from Myra's computer.

"Girls night!" Uriah belts out happily.

"I don't understand how this is a girls night if Uriah is here," I comment, as Christina plops down on the bed next to me.

"It's tradition," she shrugs. "Uriah is always a part of the girls nights. When we were in our dorm, he even did face masks with us sometimes."

"You swore you would never speak of that!" Uriah yells.

"I hope you got a picture," Lynn says, finally smiling.

"I did," Christina grins.

"Good, send them to me."

"No sending pictures!" Uriah commands, making Christina roll her eyes.

"Hey, Uri, it's almost ten," Myra says. I look at her, confused. "My parents have a weird rule. No boys in the house after ten."

"Oh," I say before looking at Uriah. "You're not walking home this late, are you?"

"Nah, I brought my bike," he says.

As he gets ready to leave, an idea comes into my mind.

"Your bike?" I say.

"Yeah, that's what I said," he smirks.

"That gives me an idea," I tell him.

* * *

"I still don't understand why I have to do this," Tobias mutters as he sits down on Uriah's bike.

"I'm learning how to cook," I say. "So it's only fair that you learn how to ride a bike."

"I still don't get it, but-"

"Worry not!" Uriah exclaims, as he comes to stand next to Tobias. "With me as your teacher, you'll be bike riding in no time!"

I can't help but laugh, as Tobias rolls his eyes. I watch, as Uriah explains what to do to a tired looking Tobias before they start riding around in front of the apartment building with Uriah holding the bike the entire time. Eventually, Tobias stops and looks at Uriah.

"You know, you can let go," he says.

"Aw," Uriah whines. "I was hoping to let go randomly and scare the hell out of you!"

"That's great," Tobias mutters.

Uriah lets go of the bike, and we watch together, as he peddles away before circling back around to us, shakily at first but he quickly becomes steady.

I can't help but feel happy as I watch him. After all, I know that Tobias didn't have the best childhood either, and that is most likely one of the reasons he never learned to ride a bike. Though he is an adult now, I find myself hoping that learning now will give him some sense of childishness.

"You did it!" Uriah calls out happily when Tobias is in front of us again. "The legendary Four can now ride a bike!"

"Can we call it a day now?" He says, though he is smiling a bit too.

Uriah reluctantly agrees, and Tobias thanks him. Uriah then takes off on his bike, as Tobias and I walk into the apartment building together. When we get upstairs, I put my phone on the charger before walking toward the kitchen to get water.

"You can act as grumpy as you want," I call out to him. "But I know you had fun."

"It was all right," he replies from the living room. I let out a laugh, as I fill a cup with water. "Your phone just went off."

"Check it," I say, as I fill another glass for him. "Who is it?"

There is silence for a moment before I hear footsteps approaching. When I turn around, I see Tobias standing in the doorway with an odd look on his face and my phone in his hand.

"It's Matthew," he says.


	46. Chapter 46

**Oh my gosh, I'm sorry I took so long to update! Hopefully you guys still care about this haha but either way, I do, so here I am!**

 **ATTENTION: By request, there is an M rated scene in this chapter (obviously for sexual reasons) so if you're not comfortable with that, just know it's in the last part of the chapter. If you're not comfortable, you can skip it! I just wanted to let you guys know, it's there!**

 **Anyway, yeah sorry about the not updating, I didn't have internet until recently so things have been kinda rough, but I'm back now! So I hope you guys like this chapter!**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Apparently Matthew never stopped thinking about me. At least, that's what he said in his text. It shocks me that even after all this time he still has those feelings for me. It is even more shocking that he reached out to me about it after all this time.

"What does it say?" Tobias asks.

I look up at him. He is still standing near the doorway with an odd look on his face. I realize that I cannot bring myself to say it, so I hand him my phone instead. He looks confused and hesitant, as he takes it from me, but he looks down and starts to read the message a moment later. As he reads, I can tell that he is getting a bit angry, though he is trying to control it. I imagine it must be because he never had good feelings toward Matthew to begin with.

"That's quite a message," he mutters.

"Yeah," I say, as he hands the phone back to me.

There is silence for a moment, as I look down at it again.

"Are you actually considering it?" he asks.

I look up at him, confused and shocked that he would even ask that.

"Of course not," I say. "I'm just surprised."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

I roll my eyes and take a step closer to him, eliminating the space between us.

"Would you stop acting so jealous?" I say. "I haven't even spoken to him since high school."

"Then, why is he texting you after all this time?" he asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know."

He shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

"The guy's a creep," he mutters. "First he flirts with you when he knew we were together, and now after all this time, he thinks he can come back in and-"

"Well, he can't," I cut in. "So what does it matter?"

He stares at me for a moment, and I can tell that he is getting angrier.

"You promise that this is the first time he's spoken to you since high school?" he asks.

"Tobias, I swear," I reply. "On my life."

He looks at me for a moment before he nods his head slowly and sighs. He starts to walk away, but I grab his hand, making him look at me questioningly. But I know better than to let him walk away right now. I know that he will only get angrier if I leave him with his thoughts.

"Tris-"

Before he can say anything, I lean into him and press my lips to his firmly. I bring my hand to his cheek, urging him toward me. He hesitates for a moment before he places his hands on my hips. We stay that way for a moment before I pull away just enough so that I can speak.

"You have nothing to worry about," I say against his lips. "You can trust me."

"It's people like him that I don't trust," he mutters.

"Then trust that I'll always put people like him in their place," I say. "And trust me when I say, you're the only one for me, and nobody will change that."

"All right," he says, smiling just the slightest bit. "I trust you."

I want to say more. I want to tell him how silly it is for him to worry about someone like Matthew, how it was silly for him to ever worry about him in the first place. But before I can say anything, he kisses me again. As we kiss, I realize that nothing else needs to be said. I am his, and he is mine. It will always be that way.

* * *

 **Two years later**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Now that Zeke has graduated from college, Hana decided that she wanted to throw a graduation party at her house, even though he and Shauna have an apartment together already. Hana argued that there would be more room in the house for all of his friends and family. Being here, mixed in with Zeke's family reminds me of all the times that we came here for New Year's and always ended up in the backyard, away from everyone. Now, my friends are all in the backyard as usual, but I am inside because I offered to get Tris something to drink. I am growing to regret it since nearly every one of Zeke's relatives feel the need to talk to me, as I walk by.

"Four!" Zeke calls out excitedly, as he comes up next to me and picks up a cup for himself and another one, most likely for Shauna. "Having fun?"

"Tons," I smirk. "Congratulations on graduating."

"Only two years after you," he grins. "Guess you beat me at something else."

"Well, you'll be beating me with the wedding thing," I say. "Two more months, right?"

"Two more months," he says, shaking his head a bit. "I don't get why you're taking so long to get on your own, though."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, I proposed to Shauna two years ago, and we're getting married in a month," he says with a shrug. "And you haven't even started planning how you're gonna propose to Tris."

"Just because I haven't said anything, doesn't mean I haven't started planning." He rolls his eyes at this before taking a sip from his cup. "I'm just waiting until the time is right. Preferably after she graduates school. I want her to have a good standing on her own before we take on something that serious."

"Standing," Zeke smirks. "Was that a joke about Shauna?"

I roll my eyes at him, as he grins at me. Ever since the incident that left Shauna paralyzed, Zeke has been joking about her condition more as time passes. Some people might think it's morbid, but I know that joking is the easiest way for Zeke to cope with it.

"Speaking of Shauna, maybe we should get back to everyone," I tell him.

He nods in agreement, and we start weaving through the crowd again to get back to our friends.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

I was beyond excited when Shauna asked me to be a bridesmaid. And I was definitely not let down. The dresses are beautiful, and Uriah made sure that I knew how good I looked in it. Shauna decided to make Lynn, Myra, Tris, and I bridesmaids, and she specifically planned to have the wedding in the summer time so that it wouldn't interfere with our last year of college.

She even planned it out so that we could all stay in a hotel nearby since she knew that most of us would be drunk by the end of the night.

It all feels so surreal that, not long ago, we only knew each other from a support group in our high school. Not long ago, we went to Zeke's parties every Friday because his mother wasn't home. Now, half of us are graduated and working while the other half will finish school soon. Now, two of my friends are married, and I'm sure that another two will follow soon.

I look at Tris, as we dance together. We both abandoned Four and Uriah not too long ago to dance with each other. Since we both turned twenty one recently, we have also had a couple of drinks which would explain why she is dancing so happily. She wraps her arms around my shoulders, and I return the embrace with a laugh.

"Are you drunk already?" I ask into her ear.

"I'm not feeling anything!" she says into mine.

"Well, let's get you another one then!"

She laughs, as I keep one of my arms around her shoulders and lead her over to the bartender. Before she can say anything, I order for her.

"She needs a Long Island Iced Tea, stat!" I call out to the bartender.

"Isn't that really strong?" she asks, her eyes a bit wider.

"Yes, and that's what you need."

She smiles and leans on me, and I keep my arm around her for support. I can tell that she is already tipsy, but I decide that it is okay to keep giving her drinks. It is a wedding, after all, and it's been quite some time since I've seen my best friend drunk.

"Chris," she whines, as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"What?"

"Do you think Four will ever propose to me?"

I look at her, surprised, and she lifts her head to look at me. I can tell by the slight pink hue on her cheeks that she is starting to pass tipsy, and I find myself hoping that she won't drunk-cry right here in the middle of everything.

"Why are you asking that?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "I mean, it's been a really long time. Plus, we live together. You would think that he would have done it before Zeke, but he hasn't. Do you think maybe he just… won't?"

"Tris, you wouldn't be saying this if you were sober," I say, trying to lighten the mood.

"I would," she says. "I think about it all the time."

"Well, it sounds like something you should talk to him about." She nods and looks down, obviously unhappy with this answer. She only looks back up when the bartender hands her the drink. And even then, she just stares at it. "Tris, come on. You know Four loves you. There's nothing to be upset about."

She looks up at this. "You think so?"

"I know so. Besides, this isn't a time to worry about that. This is a time to be happy." I tap the drink in her hands, and she smiles a little. "So drink up."

She smiles a little before she takes a sip from the drink. I watch her with a smile before ordering my own drink. The first drink of many.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"I'm not drunk!" I whine, as Tobias leads me to our hotel room.

"And I'm not sober," he says, rolling his eyes. "Did you really need to get her this drunk?"

"It's not my fault!" Christina says, as she trails behind us. "She could have easily said no!"

Tobias rolls his eyes again but says nothing. Soon, we reach our room, and he gently grabs my arm to lead me to it. Which is good because I nearly stumbled over when we stopped walking.

"Good night, Christina," Tobias mutters, as she continues down the hall.

She waves half-heartedly and winks at me, and I giggle. Tobias looks at me questioningly before he opens up the door and lets me in. The room is spinning a bit at this point because of all the alcohol in my system, but I manage to walk in and sit down at the edge of the bed. I smile up at Tobias, and he looks down at me, clearly amused.

"Hi, gorgeous," I say.

"I think it's time for bed," he chuckles, as he kicks off his shoes.

"I agree," I try to say flirtatiously.

"Not like that," he says, rolling his eyes. "You need some sleep."

"I will sleep. If you sleep with me first."

"Very subtle, Tris."

I try to wink at him, and he chuckles again before sitting down next to me. He reaches up to shake my hair out of the simple updo that Shauna decided she wanted all of the bridesmaids to wear. As he works on my hair, I look at him. Though the room is still spinning a bit, I work to focus on him. As I look at him, it is as if I am seeing him for the first time again. He looks more attractive than ever, and I alternate between staring at his impossibly blue eyes and his lips. He happens to look at me, as my eyes land on his lips, and I watch him smirk.

"You're something when you're drunk, you know that?"

"Not drunk," I say unconvincingly.

"Right," he chuckles. "Want to get out of this dress?"

"I like where this is going."

He rolls his eyes before standing up and offering me his hand to help me stand up as well. I turn around and sigh lazily, as he moves my hair so that he can unzip my dress. I look around at the spinning room, as he lets the dress fall to the ground before he turns me around so that I am facing him. I look down and realize that I am only in my bra and underwear now, since I lost my shoes quite some time ago while I was dancing with Christina. I step out of the now bunched up dress and lean forward into Tobias' chest for support, and I hear him laugh again, as he wraps his arms around me.

"Ready for bed?" he asks.

I look up at him for a moment, trying to focus on his face, before I bring my hand to the back of his neck and pull him down to me.

"No," I say before I press my lips to his.

He kisses me back without hesitation, and my head starts to spin just like the room was before. His hands rest on my bare waist, and the feeling is intensified by the alcohol in my system. As we kiss, I clumsily move my hands to his shoulders and start pushing at his shirt, but I quickly realize that I cannot get it off. I pull away from him and pout before I realize that it is because he is wearing a button down shirt. He chuckles, as I start fumbling with the buttons but with no luck.

"We're going to bed, Tris," he says.

"Just take your shirt off," I say, trying to look at him through my lashes. "And then I'll go to bed."

He looks at me for a moment, and I can tell that he doesn't believe me. Still, he starts unbuttoning his shirt, and I find myself smiling like a child, as he does. When he is finally done, he drops his shirt on the ground where my dress is resting, and I lean into him again.

"You're not done, are you?" he says.

"I might have lied," I whisper, as I bring my lips to his again.

I feel him smile against me, as I run my hands up and down his chest. But eventually, he pulls away and sighs.

"Tris, I don't want to do this while you're drunk," he says.

"Why not?" I pout. "We'd be doing it if I was sober."

"So you admit you're drunk," he smirks.

I roll my eyes. "Tobias, come on. I mean, we've been together for… for…"

"You can't even remember how long we've been together," he says. "You're way too drunk."

"I'm not too drunk to know I love you," I say, as I bring my lips to his neck. I feel him shiver, as I plant my lips to his neck for a moment before pulling back. "And I want you."

I hear him sigh, as I kiss down his neck and run my hand over his chest. He squeezes my waist a bit.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

Without answering, I lean up and bring my lips to his again. Luckily, he doesn't try to get another answer from me. Instead, he kisses me back and starts to walk me backward toward the bed. I stumble a bit, as we go and I pull away from him to laugh about it. He smiles a little before shaking his head, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he guides me to the bed, and I fall onto it on my back and look up at him.

"Come on," I urge him.

He shakes his head again before crawling on top of me and looking down at me for a moment.

"Are you sure?" he asks again.

I bite my lip and nod at him, and he smiles a little before he leans down to bring his lips to my neck. I let out a moan at the feeling of his lips on my skin, and I feel him smile against me. His hands roam over my body, as he kisses down my neck, and I run my fingers through his thick brown hair. Having him touch me and kiss me like this is always amazing. But mixed with the alcohol in my system, it is completely intoxicating. His hands trail up down to my thighs, guiding my legs around his waist, and he pulls away to look at me.

"Do you want this off?" he asks, his fingers resting on the strap of my bra.

"Do _you_ want it off?" I smirk.

He rolls his eyes again, as he reaches underneath me to unclasp my bra. When he is done, he pulls it off of me and drops it on the floor. I cannot help but smile, as he looks down at my chest. I end up laughing as I watch him, and he looks at me and smiles as well. He silences me by kissing me, as one of his hands cups around my breast.

His hand then travels down, as he brings his lips to my neck again. His lips travel down from my neck to my collarbone to my chest, and his hands seem to be everywhere. Eventually, his fingers hook into the sides of my underwear, and he looks up at me for approval. I nod at him, too breathless to say anything, and he pulls them down my legs and drops them on the floor. I watch him, as he also pulls off his own pants and boxers, and I find myself smiling at the sight. He then crawls back up to me so that he is hovering over me, and he smiles when he sees the smile on my face.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing." I shrug. "I love you."

He chuckles. "I love you, too."

I am still smiling when he leans down to kiss me, but he doesn't seem to mind. He lines himself up at my entrance and waits for a moment, as if he is giving me time to stop him. Instead, I continue kissing him, and I find myself moaning into his mouth, as he moves into me slowly. The feeling is more intensified this time, and I decide right then and there that getting drunk before making love might not be such a bad idea. I laugh lightly at the thought, but my laugh quickly turns into another moan. I can feel his eyes on me, as I close my eyes and allow any and all noises of pleasure to leave my mouth freely.

I feel his lips touch my neck, as he continues his movements. As his pace quickens, the noises leaving my mouth start to get louder. His lips leave my neck and move to my ear instead.

"There's other people in this hotel," he says into my ear.

"And?"

I feel him smile against me, but he doesn't say anything. He only groans, as I lift my hips to meet his. His pace quickens even more. My head feels clouded, and heat rushes through my entire body. I call out his name, as my body tightens up and relaxes. I hear him groan, as he nearly collapses on top of me. We lay like that for a moment, catching our breath, before he rolls off of me.

Once we are cleaned up, we lay together, our bodies intertwined. My mind still feels a bit fuzzy from drinking so much, but I can tell that what we just did sobered me up a bit. I let out a sigh, as I rest my head on his chest. His fingers run through my hair, and I realize that I feel extremely at peace.

It is only then that I start to think about the conversation that I had earlier with Christina. An unwarranted sadness starts to fall on me, as I think about it. I feel completely at peace, lying like this with Tobias. But I can't help but wonder, is this what he wants for the rest of his life? And if it is, why hasn't he proposed or even mentioned marriage?

"You all right?" he mumbles, still playing with my hair.

"Yeah, why?"

"You're quiet all of a sudden," he says.

I bite my lip, as I try to think of way to respond. Surely, now is not the time to bring up my concerns. Even with the alcohol in my system, I can tell that much. I think back to what Christina said, and I move so that I can look up at him. He looks back at me curiously.

"Tobias?"

"Yes?"

"Do you really love me?" I ask.

He furrows his eyebrows for a second before he brushes my hair away from my face and smiles a bit.

"More than anything," he says. "Now, you really need to go to sleep."

I roll my eyes though I can't help but smile as I put my head back down on his chest. I try to convince myself that there is nothing to worry about. I love him, and he loves me. That is all I need to know. I smile and bury my face in his chest. His fingers continue to run through my hair until I fall asleep.


	47. Chapter 47

**Yay, I'm so glad some people still care about this story! Because obviously I still do lol!**

 **Unfortunately, I'm only planning to have a couple more chapters, which is sad because I love writing this story :/ But either way, I'm glad that it went on for this long at all!**

 **Anyway, this is kinda the chapter that some of you have been waiting for, so I hope you guys like it!**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Tori was thrilled when I told her that I wanted to be a counselor like her. But it only made sense to me. She has made such a huge impact on my life. Things would have been so different if she didn't help me. It scares me to even think of what might have become of me if Tori wasn't there for me. When it came down to it, I realized that it only made sense for me to follow in her footsteps. I realized that I wanted to be that person for someone. I wanted to help someone like me because I was lucky enough to be helped myself.

I graduated from college recently, but I still work at Bud's Tattoo Shop while I save up to go to graduate school so I can become a counselor. Bud even promoted me since I can work full time now. Everything seems to be going smoothly. Everything, that is, except my relationship.

Now that Tobias and I both work full time, we only see each other after work. Lately, it seems that even with that limited time, he seems to be avoiding me. When I brought it up the first time, he said that he just had his mind on a project that he is doing for work, but something tells me it is more than that. He has been acting strange ever since I graduated, though I cannot figure out why.

Now, he is cooking dinner while I change into more comfortable clothes since I just got back from work. When I am done, I look in the mirror and let out a sigh. I can't help but wonder if it is something about me. If maybe, after all this time, he is starting to have second thoughts. The thought hurts more than anything, but I cannot come up with another reason for the way that he is acting.

I decide that I need to talk to him about it. We have barely spoken a word to each other since I got home today, and I cannot keep spending every day wondering why. I take a deep breath, as I leave the bedroom and start walking toward the kitchen. When I get there, Tobias barely looks up before speaking.

"It's done," he says. "Take whatever you want."

Before I can respond, he starts walking past me out of the kitchen.

"Wait," I say, making him stop and turn around. "Are you going to eat, too?"

"I'm not really hungry," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Tobias, what's going on?"

He raises his eyebrows a bit. I realize that my approach may have been a bit blunt, but I didn't have it in me to wait any longer for an answer.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I don't know," I shrug. "Lately, it just seems like you're avoiding me like a plague. Did I do something?"

He looks at me for a moment, a hint of sympathy in his eyes, before he takes a few steps to close the space between us.

"No, you didn't do anything."

"Then, what is it?" I ask.

"I just have a lot on my mind," he says. "With work and everything. That's all."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He smiles just slightly. "You and I are all right."

I nod my head, though I realize that I am still having a hard time believing him. He looks at me for a moment before he turns around to leave again. This time, I don't stop him.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

In the past few years, my nightmares have been few and far between. But when they do happen, they are just as brutal as the times before. Tonight, I see Tris in my nightmare. I see myself hurting her. I see her crying for me to stop, but I can't stop. I turn around and look into the mirror and see not my face, but my father's staring back at me.

Tonight is different, though. Normally, the nightmare ends there. Instead, tonight, I turn back around to look at her again. I look down and see her lying there in a pool of blood. I look down at my hands, covered in the same blood. I killed her.

When I wake up, I do not wake up screaming like Tris. I wake up silently, frozen in fear. Slowly, I begin to realize that it was just a dream. And when I turn my head and see her sleeping form next to me, I realize that I didn't really hurt or kill her. But the fear and the pain is still there all the same.

Normally, I am able to resist waking her up or even touching her for any comfort, but tonight seems to be an exception. I realize that the only thing that will make the fear go away is to feel her close to me, so that is what I do.

I move closer to her and wrap my arm around her body, and she moans sleepily. She stirs a bit and looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes barely open.

"What's the matter?" she mumbles.

"Nothing." I kiss her hair. "Go back to sleep."

She groans, but she does not protest any further. She simply lays her head back down, and she seems to fall back to sleep within seconds. As I lay there trying to fall back to sleep, I begin to realize that it has been quite some time since I reached out to her for comfort like this. In fact, I don't blame her for thinking that I am avoiding her.

Ever since I started planning how I would propose to her, nightmares like the one I had tonight have been occurring more often. Because of the nightmares, I spend much of my waking time worrying.

I know that she believes that I will never be like my father. And I want to believe it, too. But sometimes, the fear still consumes me. And I know that I could never live with myself if I ever laid a hand on her, which is why I have been rethinking proposing so much.

Unfortunately, the only person that would really understand all of this is Tris, and I cannot talk to her about this since the proposal is supposed to be a surprise. Plus, I know that she would only say that there is nothing to worry about.

I let out a sigh at the thought. I realize that there is nothing that I can do now in the middle of the night. I bury my face in her hair and close my eyes, hoping that sleep will come to me eventually.

* * *

When Saturday comes, I decide to visit Amar since it has been some time since I have seen him outside of work. I also decided that he might be able to help me with the situation. I sit down on the couch, as he sits on his armchair. It feels so eerily similar, since this is where we would both always sit when I still lived here.

"You sounded urgent on the phone," he comments, as he raises an eyebrow at me. "Was there anything specific that you wanted to talk about?"

"I guess there is," I sigh. "You already know about Tris."

"You mean, how you've decided to pop the question?" he grins.

"Well, that's the thing. I'm not sure if I should right now."

"And why is that?" he asks.

"I think you know why," I mutter.

He sighs and clasps his hands together.

"It's about him, isn't it?" he says. I simply nod at him. "You have to know that you're nothing like him, Four."

"Now. But what if, in the future, I lose my temper and-"

"It doesn't matter," he cuts in. "You would never lay a hand on her."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask.

"Because you love her." He smiles a bit. "I've seen the way that you act around her and the way that you look at her. In all the years that I've known you, I have never seen you look at anyone or anything the way that you look at her. You're a different person than you were when I got you, Four. And you changed even more when you met her. You stopped worrying about the past so much when she came around. There's no reason to start worrying again. If you do, you're only letting him win."

I sit in silence for a moment, trying to take in everything he has said.

"You're right," I sigh. "I can't let him win like that."

"Then, you need to stop thinking about him so much," he says. "And start thinking about her instead."

* * *

The next day, the apartment is quiet and empty since Tris is spending the day with Christina. Not that it makes much of a difference, since I haven't been talking to her much lately. After talking to Amar, I realize that I have been going about this completely wrong, and I can only hope that she will forgive me for the way I've been acting. But in the meantime, I have someone else to worry about.

I pick up my car keys and leave the apartment. When I get to my car, I turn it on and start the short drive. The entire time, I feel nerves creeping up on me. I know that I shouldn't be nervous, but I cannot help it. The nerves get even worse, as I pull up in front of the house and turn my car off. I get out and pick up the small bouquet of flowers that I brought with me before I walk to the front door. I take a deep breath before knocking, and I wait for a few moments before the door swings open. Tori stands before me, obviously confused, but she smiles at me anyway.

"Four," she says, furrowing her eyebrows. "Did we have something planned for today?"

"No, I just wanted to drop by for a visit," I say awkwardly. "If that's okay."

"Oh... Sure." She still looks confused, as she points at the flowers. "Are those for me?"

"Yes," I say, as I hold them up for her, and she takes them. "For your house."

"How nice." She smiles a bit before taking a step back. "Come on in."

I nod in thanks, as I step inside and she closes the door behind me. She walks ahead of me into the kitchen, and I follow her. I watch wordlessly, as she finds a vase for the flowers before she turns back to me and crosses her arms over her chest.

"So..." She draws out the word. "You just came for a visit?"

"Well, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something," I tell her.

"All right, why don't we sit down?"

I nod, and we sit down across from each other at the kitchen table. She looks at me expectantly, and I take another deep breath, trying to convince myself that there is no reason to be nervous.

"What's this about?" she asks.

"It's about Tris," I say slowly.

"Is she all right?" she asks, immediately looking much more concerned.

"She's great," I reassure her. "Everything is great. I just wanted to ask you..."

"Yes?" she presses.

"I wanted to ask for your blessing," I say before I can stop myself.

She raises her eyebrows at me, seemingly surprised, before she smiles a bit.

"My blessing?"

"I want to ask her to marry me," I clarify.

The words seem to make me even more nervous. After all, this is the first time that I have said it out loud so bluntly. I watch Tori, as her smile widens, and she looks down at the table for a moment.

"It's not even a question, Four," she chuckles, as she looks back up at me. "I can't think of a single person that could be better for her. You've done so much for her, probably more than you even realize. Quite honestly, I've been waiting for this to happen."

"You have?" I ask, unable to hold back my own smile.

"Of course. You two are a match made in heaven, in my opinion. And I appreciate that you respect me enough to come and ask me first."

"Well, you're her family."

She smiles again at this before nodding at me.

"Soon, you will be, too," she says softly.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Christina works as a manager at a high end clothing store now, which means that she gets a discount on the clothes. Which means that she picked out "a million" outfits for me. Now, we have left the cafe and we are on our way back to her apartment so that she can give me all of the clothes to take with me. She recently moved into a new apartment, which she shares with just Uriah. Originally, she lived with Uriah, Myra, and one of hers and Myra's friends from college. But she soon decided that she wanted more privacy, so she and Uriah moved into their own apartment as soon as they had the money for it. Luckily, Myra understood and they are still close friends.

Uriah recently got a job as a music teacher at the high school that we used to go to. I wonder what it must be like to go back to high school every day. Personally, I don't think I would enjoy it very much, but according to Christina, he loves it. And the students love him, which I could have guessed easily. It is nearly impossible to dislike someone with a personality like his.

"Here we are," Christina chirps, as she lets me into her apartment. "Home sweet home!"

"Where's Uriah?" I ask, as I look around the main room.

"He went to visit his mom," she says. "Come on, everything is in my room."

I follow her wordlessly, as she leads me into the bedroom. I roll my eyes, as I see the multiple shopping bags on the ground near the bed. Of course, she turns around just in time to see it.

"Roll your eyes all you want," she says, as she reaches into one of the bags. "But you are gonna look hot in these outfits!"

"Christina, you didn't have to buy all this for me," I say.

"Think of it as a late Christmas and birthday gift," she smirks. "Since I wasn't able to get you anything for either of those."

I roll my eyes again, as she starts laying the outfits out on the bed. I sit down next to them on the bed, as she rambles on about collections and seasons and other fashion words that mean nothing to me.

"Plus," she says, holding up one of the shirts in front of her own torso. "This one has cut-outs in the shoulders, so it'll show off your tattoos! Cute, right?"

I laugh a little, as she pretends to model the shirt. I got the tattoos a couple of years ago. Bud did it for me himself. On one shoulder, I decided to get the symbol that Tobias drew for me to remind me to be brave. And on the other shoulder, I decided to get the symbol that I drew for Tori as a reminder to be selfless. Tobias has all five of the symbols on his back, but I decided that I would only pick out the two that I felt I needed the most.

"Aren't you and Four going out next weekend?" she asks, as she reaches for another shirt. "I would suggest this one."

"I don't think the outfit is going to matter much," I mutter.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, suddenly stopping her movements.

"I don't know," I sigh. "He's been acting so different lately. He barely talks to me anymore, and I've said something about it twice. Both times, he just said he had a lot on his mind and that we're fine. But it seems like there's more to it, and he just won't tell me. I don't know. I'm just worried."

"Worried?" She plops down on the bed next to me. "About what? You don't think he would break up with you, do you?"

"I don't know," I say, feeling the same pain that I feel every time I think about it. "I mean, he hasn't been talking to me, and all of a sudden, he wants to go out this weekend. It just seems strange."

"Hmm," she hums inquisitively. "Well, I wouldn't take it too seriously."

"You're a bad liar."

"Well, nobody likes it when I'm honest." She rolls her eyes. "Look, I think you really need to talk to him. Maybe when you guys go out this weekend, you can beat him to it."

"So, you think he's going to do it?" I ask, feeling pain take over again.

"I don't know, Tris," she sighs. "I don't know what goes on in Four's mind. Just try not to think too much into it, okay? You just need to talk to him, and things will be fine."

"You're right," I say, even though I'm not fully sure that I actually believe it.

I can only hope that she is right.

* * *

When Saturday comes, we end up in Tobias' car by late morning. For the entire ride, my heart beats fast, and I have to remind myself to take deep breaths. Luckily, he doesn't seem to notice, since he is focused on driving. When he finally stops and parks, I realize that we are in front of the park. We haven't been here in quite some time, so I cannot help but wonder why he would choose here of all places, but I don't say anything. He opens his car door, and I climb out of my own wordlessly. Once we are both out, he holds out his hand for me, and I take it reluctantly.

As we start to walk toward the park, I realize that I am mostly so scared because I have no idea what to expect. I know that Christina said not to think about it too much, but it is so hard not to.

"You look nice," he says.

I look down at myself. Of course, I decided to wear one of the outfits that Christina picked out for me. She spent so much money on it, that I felt obligated to wear it.

"Thanks," is all I can bring myself to say.

I can feel his eyes on me for a moment, as we walk, but neither of us say anything for a while. My nerves continue to grow, as we walk. Eventually we begin to stray off the path, and I look up at him curiously.

"Where are we going?" I ask finally.

"Don't tell me you don't remember this."

He smiles a bit, as he guides me through the trees. Of course, I remember this. He used to bring me here, usually when he had something he needed to talk about. As we approach the small clearing past the trees, I feel my nerves growing again. I start to wonder if maybe he is bringing me here this time so that he will be able to break things off without creating a scene. I shake my head at the thought, reminding myself that I shouldn't be thinking like that. But I cannot seem to get the thoughts out of my mind.

"Are you all right?" he asks, as he stands in front of me. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm fine," I say a little too quickly. "So, what are we doing here?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about something." He pauses for a moment before reaching for my hand, and I feel my heart speed up a bit. "I'm sorry about the way that I've been acting. I've just had so much on my mind."

"Like what?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"To be honest, I've been thinking about my father a lot," he sighs.

"Why?" I say, since I wasn't expecting that answer.

"Because of you," he says, looking at me again. "I know what you've been through, Tris. I couldn't live with myself if I ever turned into my father and hurt you, too."

The realization hits me. It makes sense now why he has been avoiding me so much. I know that turning into his father is one of his biggest fears. Though it was hard to see him avoid me like that, it makes sense that he would react to his fear like that. Still, I realize that this is my chance to change that.

"You would never do that," I tell him.

"I knew you would say that. Honestly, I'm starting to believe it myself." He smiles a bit and brings his free hand to my cheek. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Tris."

"Really?" I ask, unable to hold back my own smile.

"Really. And there's something I've been wanting to tell you." I nod at him, as he takes his hand away from my cheek and uses it to take my other hand. "Amar told me that I've changed since we got together, and I think I'm finally starting to understand what he meant. Before you, I used to live in the past, and I wasn't exactly the friendliest person."

"No kidding," I smirk.

"Anyway." He rolls his eyes and chuckles. "The thing is, everything feels different with you. I feel like I can be someone better. Like the future can be better than I ever thought it would be. I know we've had some rough spots, but the past few years with you have been the happiest years of my life."

"Mine too," I say quietly.

He smiles and squeezes my hands a bit before he takes a deep breath.

"Good." He nods. "I'm glad you said that. Because there's also something I wanted to ask you."

I feel my breath hitch in my throat, as he starts to kneel down. On one knee. He lets go of one of my hands, which I then use to cover my mouth, as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring box. A million different emotions run through me all at once, and I feel frozen in my spot, as I watch him. Tears begin to prickle at my eyes, as the realization fully hits me. Not only that this is why he has been avoiding me. But also because I have been spending so much time worrying that this would never happen. And now that it is, I am completely speechless.

"I've never been happier than I am now with you," he says, making my eyes tear up more. "Waking up next to you makes my day, every day. And I want to wake up to you every day for the rest of my life. I love you more than anything and anyone in this world. You're everything to me."

I move only to wipe away a tear that escaped, as I watch him open the box before he looks back up at me. When he asks the question, I feel something break in me.

"Tris, will you marry me?"

I hold my hand over my mouth, as tears stream from my eyes. I only manage to nod my head, as I squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself to stop, but it doesn't work. Within seconds, I feel him stand up and wrap his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and let myself cry. But the thing is, I am not crying for sadness or pain. Instead, the tears that come from my eyes are tears of happiness.

"What's wrong?" he asks into my hair.

"Nothing is wrong," I say, laughing a little through my tears. "I never thought anyone would love me like you do."

"Me neither," is all he says.

There is silence for a moment besides the sound of my crying. He never lets go of me, and I never let go of him. Though eventually, once my tears have slowed down, I pull back just enough to look at him, and he smiles down at me.

"I don't think you ever gave me an answer," he says teasingly, as he rests his forehead on mine.

I smile a little, too, as I lean into him and press my lips to his. He kisses me back, and I feel my heart swell, as his arms tighten around my waist. Moments later, we separate just barely. Which means that our lips are still just barely touching when I finally give my answer.

"Yes."


	48. Chapter 48

**Helloo! I'm not sure if anyone cares about this story anymore, but if anyone does, this is why I took so long to update:**

 **I've been dealing with a lot of personal things as well as school and work. Since this story is coming to a close in a chapter or two, I think now would be a good time for me to say that I wrote this story because I've had some similar experiences. I am still dealing with certain issues today, and lately it's been pretty hard, so that's why I've been MIA.**

 **But that's why I love it when you guys comment saying that this story helps you... Because writing this story helped me so much, and relating to you guys and empowering you is all I ever wanted to do, and I'm so glad I could do that. This may sound silly, but this story really has a lot of significance to me, and I'm glad that I was able to reach so many people. That really means the world to me.**

 **Thank you to the Guest reviewer who asked if I was okay... Because, no I wasn't. But it was the fact that somebody actually gave a damn that inspired me to continue this. Because it reminded me that even when it doesn't seem like it, someone will always give a damn. Thank you for that.**

 **I'd like to thank everyone who followed, faved, or commented on this story. Specifically, thank you to FourTris4life, Nighthunter97, ManhattanSky, Brokenwings35, , lanainwonderland, velosewer, BeatriceEaton46, Ari13, mlwil, Naruisawesome, mosuzmartian, parten340, VivianJane, Book-lover11189, magnificent dragoness, and dauntless4664 for your kind words. I always appreciate it.**

 **This chapter is a bit short because it's all I had time for. But it is NOT THE LAST chapter!**

 **Okay, that's enough. If you read all of that, thanks for hearing me out :P I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Love seemed to evaporate from my life when my mother died. After all, my father never seemed to feel any love toward me. If he did, he wouldn't have acted the way he did. For years, I thought that I would never experience love again. But I was wrong.

I look at myself in the mirror, as I try to figure out exactly why I am so nervous. I look at the tux that I am wearing and realize that some years ago, I never could have predicted that I would be standing here in one. I never thought that I would marry because I was always so afraid that I would be like my father. Yet in just a few minutes, I will be marrying the love of my life, and she is convinced that I will never be like him.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Zeke says from behind me.

"Yeah, who knew Four had emotions?" Uriah adds.

I roll my eyes, quickly regretting my decision to make them groomsmen.

"Leave him alone, children," Amar says from his seat at the side of the room. "This is an important day."

Zeke and Uriah start to protest before Amar gives them a look, making them reluctantly quiet down. Amar stands up and walks toward me while Zeke and Uriah start to talk to each other, and he smiles at me through the mirror.

"Getting ready to make fun of me, are you?" I ask.

"Not today," he chuckles. There is silence for a moment before he puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles. "I'm really proud of you, Four."

"For what?" I ask.

"I know how scared you were of being like him," he says. "But you didn't let that happen. And I'm so proud of you for that."

I can't help but smile a bit, and he returns the smile.

"I'm proud of that too," I say.

We both look around at the same time, as the door opens. George peeks his head in before he hesitantly enters the room, and he smiles sheepishly at me.

"Uhm, I'm here to help," he says. I look at him questioningly, and he shrugs. "I made the mistake of asking Tori what I should do while she was helping Tris get ready, and she pushed me out of the room and said to come over here and help you get ready."

"Well, I think I'm good for now," I tell him. I look over at Amar for confirmation only to realize that he is staring at George. He is probably trying to be subtle, but it isn't working very well. I roll my eyes and look back at George. "Have you two met?"

"I don't think we have," he says with a smile, as he reaches out his hand toward Amar. "I'm George. Tori's brother."

"Amar," he says, as he shakes George's hand. "That's a great handshake you have."

"Handshake?" George asks, his smile faltering.

"It's very firm." I bite back a laugh, as Amar clears his throat, and they release each other. "Well, anyway, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise." He smiles again and glances over at Uriah and Zeke who are arguing about something on the other side of the room. "I should go introduce myself to the rest."

"Of course," Amar says, as George starts walking toward the brothers. I let myself smirk, and he narrows his eyes at me. "What are you smirking at?"

"You know exactly what I'm smirking at," I mutter. "Is that your idea of flirting? Telling them how great of a handshake they-"

"Not another word," he says, rolling his eyes.

I roll my eyes but decide not to push him any further. Still, I can't help but smirk again when I look in the mirror and notice that George is looking at the Amar from across the room. Our eyes meet through the mirror, and he looks down sheepishly. Maybe today will be a special day for more people than just Tris and me.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"Don't bite your lip!" Christina scolds me. "We just fixed your lipstick, Tris!"

"Lipstick or not," Tori says, as she fixes my dress, "you look stunning."

I smile at Tori, and she smiles back at me, as Christina continues to rush around the room and rant about my lipstick. I'm starting to regret that I made her my maid of honor. She walks back over to me with lipstick in her hand, and I roll my eyes.

"Roll your eyes all you want," she says. "But it is your wedding day, and I am your maid of honor. It's literally my job to make sure you look perfect!"

I don't bother to argue, as she fixes the lipstick again. Still, I know that I will just end up biting my lips nervously no matter how many times she tells me not to. I am not quite sure why I feel so nervous. But it doesn't feel like a bad nervousness. It feels thrilling, exciting.

Growing up, my parents were never the example of the perfect, healthy couple. They always seemed to disagree, and they never seemed happy together. When I was with Peter, we were never happy together. Being with him only brought me pain. Physical pain in the times that he decided to take out his anger on me, and emotional pain because he made me believe that I was undeserving of any kind of care or sympathy. I thought that love would always hurt. I thought it had to.

Yet now, I am about to marry the man that I love. A man that has never laid a hand on me in a violent way, and a man who wants me to be happy. For the first time in my life, I truly believe that I am deserving of happiness. And I want to share that happiness with him.

"You look like you're about to cry," Tori says quietly.

I look up and realize that Christina is currently rushing around making sure that Lynn, Myra, and Shauna look all right. I look back at Tori who is already smiling back at me. She reaches out her hand for me, and I take it as I blink back my tears.

"I just can't believe it," I tell her. "I never thought this would happen for me."

"It's happening, Tris." She squeezes my hand. "And you deserve it."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

I didn't think that I would end up crying. And I didn't, not really. But my eyes did tear up. It was inevitable when I saw her walking down the aisle in the white dress. Tori walks with her to give her away as the father normally does. As Tori lets her go, she winks at me and smiles before taking her seat, but I can tell that she is trying not to cry. I can tell the same about Tris, as she stands across from me.

I can always tell when she is about to cry, and as I look at her, it makes me want to hold onto her, but I know that I cannot do that now in front of everyone. So, instead, I just look at her. Really look at her. She smiles at me, and my lips automatically curl into a smile as well. It almost seems as if we are both ignoring the speech being given by the priest. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to take my eyes off of her, and she doesn't look away either. Because, right now, it feels like we are all that matters.

* * *

We didn't plan an elaborate first dance, though Christina begged us to. Instead, we took the opportunity to simply be together. Her arms are around my neck and mine around her waist, as we step lightly to the music. She looks up at me, and I lower my forehead to hers, forgetting about all of our guests who are watching us. She bites her lip, and I can't help but smile at the all-too-familiar habit.

"Is this everything you thought it'd be?" I ask.

"It's better," she says, her lips curling into a smile. "I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too," I tell her, tightening my arms around her. "More than anything."

She closes her eyes and smiles for a moment before she leans into me and presses her lips to mine. We both seem to ignore the sound of our friends cheering and wolf-whistling, as we hold onto each other. She starts to pull away, but I pull her back, and I feel her smile against my lips. And in that moment, I feel it. An unbelievable happiness. Elation. I know in that moment that she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

She credits me for saving her life. But I know, in that moment, that she saved me, too.


	49. Chapter 49

**Hey y'all. This is short again, and I'm so sorry. But thank you guys so much for your support- you guys are absolutely wonderful. It makes me happy that I can post all that, and really just put it all out there, and I don't have to be nervous about it because you guys are so understanding. Thank you 3**

 **Thank you specifically to** **IceFire15, Book-lover11189, , velosewer, Sawyerrr, leek812, Morgan Lovegood, mosuzmartian, Anonymous189, SamanthaEatonSchreave, VivianJane, dauntless4664, Brokenwings35, lanainwonderland, BeatriceEaton46, kathyb, LT83, Faith O, mlwil, Naruisawesome, and It'sHardIKnow. I really appreciate your kind words.**

 **Anyway, this is NOT THE LAST chapter. More s**t has to go down :P**

 **Also, there is an M rated scene in this chapter, actually near the end of the first scene- so if you're not comfortable with that, please feel free to skip it! You can still read the first part, like you'll know when it's coming, but I'm just letting you know! Don't say I didn't warn ya!**

 **One last thing. Can we talk about what's going on with Shailene Woodley right now? It absolutely breaks my heart. It really hurts, every time I go online on social media and I see something about it, it makes me so sad because I've always been so inspired by her, and then to see that happen... Anyway, the good thing that we can take away is that she's not just playing the part. She's badass as Tris, but she's also badass as Shai, and I think that's so amazing.**

 **Well, that's enough out of me. I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 _"How does California sound?"_

 _"Tobias!"_

 _I glance at her, and I can see the beginning of a smile on her face, as if she has just realized that I was joking this entire time. I can't help but smile as well, even though I have to look ahead at the road._

 _"California, it is."_

 _\- Chapter 16_

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Tris didn't want to go on an extravagant trip for the honeymoon because she didn't want either of us spending too much money. If it were up to her, we probably wouldn't have gone anywhere for it. Still, I pushed for it. I never expected to ever get married, and neither did she. But now that we have each other, I find myself wanting to go through all of those steps with her.

Living together, getting married, going on a honeymoon. I never wanted any of that before her. But now, I want it all, and I want it with her.

The first few times that I asked her where she wanted to go, she said that it didn't matter. Finally, I told her that she needed to choose. She smiled at me and reminded me of the time that I took her for a drive and told her jokingly that I was taking her to California. She looked so happy, thinking about that memory.

So that is where we went.

We decided that we could spend the week simply exploring the area. We both agreed that even if we didn't get to see every tourist attraction, it would still be exciting. For both of us, it was our first time leaving the state and our first time on an airplane.

I spent most of the plane ride panicking on the inside and clutching onto her hand while she spent the entire time gazing out the window and trying to calm me by telling me how amazing the clouds looked or how small the cars beneath us seemed. Of course, all of that just made me more nervous, but I didn't want to upset her, so I let her talk about it. In fact, I enjoyed watching her, as she smiled at the small window beside us. There was an almost childish wonder in everything she said.

When I wake up, I simply lay there for a moment, letting my eyes adjust to the sunlight streaming into our room. We left the curtains open last night because she wanted to watch sun set. Luckily, the balcony of our hotel room doesn't face any buildings or anything, so we didn't need to worry about anyone looking into our room.

I turn my head to look down at Tris' sleeping form. She is lying on her side, facing away from me, but I can tell that she is still asleep by the soft rise and fall of her body. I roll over so that I am on my side as well, being careful not to wake her. Once I am on my side as well, I let my eyes skim over her. Her hair is just a bit messed up from what we were doing last night, but it is now about as long as it was when I met her. Besides that, I can only see her shoulder and her arm, as the rest of her is covered with the blanket.

When she is laying like this, deep in sleep, it makes her look so peaceful. Fragile almost, though I know she isn't. Still, it always makes me happy to see her like this because I know that she isn't having a nightmare.

Though her nightmares happen far less often than they used to, it is just as heartbreaking when it happens. There are times when I wake her up from them and she looks at me like she doesn't even know who I am before she comes to her senses. There are times when she flinches away from me.

That hurts more than anything. Especially in times like now, when I have the chance to simply look at her and appreciate her. It makes me sick to even think that anybody would look at her and want to hurt her. It makes me sick that she had to endure so much pain that she didn't deserve.

As the thought enters my mind, I find myself reaching out and touching her shoulder before I can stop myself, my thumb stroking her soft skin. She groans sleepily and stirs a bit before she looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes only half open. She smiles lazily and I return it without even thinking.

"Morning," she mumbles as she rolls over to face me.

"Morning, beautiful." She smiles again and closes her eyes, as I pull her closer to me. "Still tired?"

"Just a little."

"Hmm," I hum, as I place a kiss on the tattoo on her shoulder. "I bet I can wake you up."

She laughs lightly, and I can't help but smile at the sound. I pull back to look at her face just as she bites her lip.

"Prove it," she says.

I raise an eyebrow at her, and she smirks back at me. I wrap my arm around her body, as I bring my lips to hers, getting rid of her smirk. Our lips move together, as my hand moves to her bare hip, and her hand moves to my chest. I roll us over so that I am on top of her, her legs around my waist.

We automatically end up flush against each other, since our bodies are already bare from last night. Not that I mind.

"Don't we have a tour soon?" she asks, as I move down to her neck.

"Looks like we're missing it," I murmur into her skin.

She inhales sharply, as my lips reach the sensitive spot on her neck. I linger on that spot before I continue to kiss my way down to her collarbone, then to her chest. I pull away for just a moment to take in the sight of her breasts before I cup one of them in my hand. I bring my lips to the other and draw the peak into my mouth. She lets out a moan that only encourages me, as her back arches.

I let my mouth linger on the peak of her breast, as I move my hand down, letting my fingertips skim over her bare stomach. Her fingers comb through my hair, but I feel them freeze in anticipation, as my fingers slowly move down further and further. Finally, she gasps, as I slip my fingers between her legs and start rubbing slowly in circles, all while continuing my attention on her chest.

" _Tobias_ ," she groans.

I look up at her to see that her eyes are closed, and her head is tilted back. Her fingers are still in my hair, but one of her arms is outstretched, her fingers spread over the bed sheets. My eyes stay on her fingers, as I slip my own inside her. I hear her gasp again, as she clutches onto the bed sheets, and I can't help but smirk. I love that I have this effect over her.

Her breathing picks up, as I move my fingers in and out of her, teasingly slow, while at the same time rubbing circles with my thumb. I watch her, as her back arches, as she squirms around beneath me, as she moans and whimpers. I feel her start to tighten up around my fingers, and I realize that I won't be able to last much longer. I slide my fingers out of her, and she looks at me questioningly. But before she can say anything, I guide her legs around my waist once again and line myself up at her entrance.

I thrust into her, groaning at the same time that she does, as I find myself overwhelmed by the feeling of her. She brings her hands to my back, urging me further into her, as I start to move in and out of her. Her nails skim lightly over my back. As we move together, I slip my fingers back between her legs and start rubbing in circles again. At the same time, I start moving faster, and I watch her throw her head back, as she lets out a whimper.

I can tell that I can't last much longer. I want her to let go first, but it is so hard to control myself. Not only does she feel so good, but I also love watching her face when I am pleasuring her. It gives me a strange type of satisfaction that I can make her feel this good. She looks up at me, and I almost come undone just from the look in her eyes.

I start moving faster, and I start rubbing her faster, knowing that she is close. Just moments later, I feel her starting to tighten up again. I watch in awe, as I always do, as she closes her eyes and gasps and whimpers. Her body tenses up, and I let out a groan, as I feel her tighten around me. Just as she calls out my name, I let go inside of her. Our bodies both seem to relax at the same time, and I nearly collapse on top of her.

I stay on top of her, being careful not to crush her, and she keeps her arms around me, as we both catch our breath. She opens her eyes and looks at me before smiling lazily again, and I can't help but return it again.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask, as I lean down to kiss her neck.

She giggles, as my lips trail down her skin, before she answers.

"I think we missed that tour."

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

Christina is what some people might call high-maintenance. I know because Myra has called her that on multiple occasions, not that I would ever dare to. She always wants the apartment clean, and she sometimes freaks out if there is even a single wrinkle in her clothes. I know that she works at a high end store, so she wants to look perfect, but it still confuses me sometimes. Especially since she always seems to spot imperfections that I never would have noticed on my own.

It is for that reason that I was beyond nervous to plan a proposal on my own. I was afraid that no matter what I planned, it wouldn't live up to her expectations. After all, we have been together long enough, and we do live together. I know that she is expecting it, and she has hinted at it. But I'm afraid that whatever I do will disappoint.

"What about this one?" Myra says, as she points to one of the rings in the case. " _So_ pretty!"

"I don't know," I sigh. "Is it big enough? Is it too big? Is it too shiny?"

"Well, that's kinda your call," she giggles. "Why are you freaking out about this so much?"

"I mean, I know that she always likes things a really specific way," I say, as I look down at the rings in front of us. "I just don't want to get something, and then she ends up not liking it, you know?"

There is silence for a moment before she nudges me with her elbow. I look up at her, and she tilts her head.

"Uri, be real," she says softly. "She's gonna be so happy that you're proposing at all. She's not gonna care what the ring looks like."

"You think so?"

"Of course." She bumps shoulders with me and smiles. "She loves you, Uri."

"She does, doesn't she?" I smirk.

She rolls her eyes and giggles, and I can't help but smile, as I look down at the rings again. This time, I feel less pressure on my shoulders, as my eyes land on one ring. And I know that it is the one. I know that she is the one.

* * *

 **Tori POV**

* * *

I look through the pictures on my phone before handing it to Amar, who is sitting across the kitchen table from me. He smiles, as he starts looking through the pictures that Tris sent me. He told me that Four hasn't been sending many pictures, so I offered to show him these.

"It looks like they're having fun," he comments, as he scrolls through.

"Yeah," I say, as I wrap my hands around the cup in front of me. "I'm happy for them. They really deserve it."

He smiles again and nods in agreement. Once he has looked at the photos for a few more seconds, he hands the phone back to me and lets out a sigh before he picks up his own cup and brings it to his lips. I put down my phone and clear my throat awkwardly. Of course, I have met Amar, but we don't know each other very well yet. In fact, he seemed surprised when I invited him over.

"So, if I might ask, why did you invite me here?" he asks, as if he was reading my mind.

"Well, your kid married my kid, so there's one reason," I smirk. "I feel like we should get to know each other better."

"Maybe you're right," he says, looking at me for a moment. "But is that really why you invited me?"

I pause for a moment, as I consider it. But then, I decide that this will be much easier if I just tell the truth right from the start.

"All right, here's the truth," I say. "I saw how you were looking at my brother at their wedding-"

"Oh," he groans, drawing out the syllable.

"I also saw how my brother was looking at you." His mouth snaps shut, and he looks at me as if he doesn't believe me. "I'm serious. Just think about it. If you and I spend more time together, we'll inevitably end up spending time with George at some point. And then, you two will be able to get to know each other better."

"Go on."

"That's it..."

"Oh, right." He clears his throat. "I don't know, Tori."

"Look," I sigh. "I don't know your background, but George has been through a lot. He hasn't always picked the best. But I can tell that you're a good guy. And I can tell that you're both interested in each other. What's the harm in trying?"

He looks down at the table thoughtfully, and I watch him silently. His fingers worry over the cup for a moment before he sighs and looks back up at me.

"All right," he says. "I'll try."


	50. Chapter 50

**GUYS GUESS WHAT! I just posted a new story! It's called "Sun Showers" and I would really appreciate it if you guys could check it out because I'm not sure it if should be a one-shot or full story, but if I do continue that'll be my next project when this story is finished. So please check it out :)**

 **Anyway, this one is a tad bit short, but that's because I'm always super busy :( I'm working on finishing this story though! Thank you guys for following me this far, and thank you guys all for your love and support!**

 **Thank you specifically to Naruisawesome, It'sHardIKnow, SraEaton46, mosuzmartian, Guest, velosewer, IceFire15, Morgan Lovegood, mlwil, Bravery4664, and Brokenwings35 for your kind words! I appreciate it.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter... Even though the end kinda comes out of left field haha. Please let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It was bittersweet coming back to Chicago. Of course, I was happy to be home and start things up again. But I had to admit that I had an amazing time with Tobias in California, even though we spent much of our time in the hotel room. Not that I'm complaining.

I can't help but smile at the memory, as I put my things back on the bathroom counter. We figured that it would be easier to unpack as soon as we got back rather than put it off. Especially since we wanted the apartment to be at least somewhat clean since our friends are coming over tonight.

Just as I have finished unpacking my small bag of toiletries, I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist from behind, and I bite my lip. I close my eyes, as I feel his lips press to my ear through my hair.

"What are you smiling about?" he murmurs into my ear.

"Nothing," I say. "I just love unpacking."

Tobias chuckles at this, as I turn around in his arms. His smile stays in tact, as he rests his forehead on mine and tightens his arms around my waist.

"I love unpacking, too," he says. I laugh, but he presses his lips to mine, swallowing the sound. I wrap my arms around his neck, as he pulls me closer to him until my front is pressed against his. We stay like that for a moment before he breaks the kiss and brings his lips to my ear again. "I can't believe I can really call you my wife."

I bite my lip, as his lips trail down from my ear to my neck. My eyes close for a moment, as I enjoy the feeling, before I remember that Christina is already on her way because for some reason, she felt the need to come before everyone else.

"Tobias," I groan. I try to pull away, but he pulls me back to him, and I can't help but laugh. "Christina is on her way."

"Of course she is," he mutters, as he finally releases me and pulls away so that he is looking down at me. "What is she coming here for anyway?"

"No idea," I shrug. "Apparently she has something to tell me."

Before he can say anything, there is a knock at the door. He groans, as I slip past him to leave the bathroom.

"Speak of the devil."

I roll my eyes at him, as I hurry over to the door and swing it open. I find myself face to face with a grinning Christina. I can't help but furrow my eyebrows in confusion, but she ignores it, as she throws her arms around me. I nearly fall over from her force, but I manage to catch myself and hug her back.

"Come on in," I murmur sarcastically.

"I missed you, Trissy!" she squeals into my ear, making me wince. She pulls back and looks at Four over my shoulder, her grin still in tact. "And Four, always a pleasure."

"Come on, Chris," I chuckle, as I close the door behind her. "What did you need to tell me?"

"Ah, girl talk," Tobias says, as he starts to walk away. "I'll leave you guys to it."

"No, no wait!" His shoulders slump slightly, as Christina gestures for him to come over. "I can tell you, too!"

I give him a look, telling him not to argue, and he rolls his eyes as he walks over to us. I look from him to Christina who is now practically bouncing up and down with excitement. I can't help but smile at the sight even though I have no idea why she is this excited.

"What is it, then?" Tobias asks, and I can't help but feel surprised that Christina doesn't shoot him a look or anything. If anything, she just looks more excited.

"Oh, nothing too important," she says, tapping her finger to her cheek. "I just got some new jewelry is all!"

Tobias and I look at each other, seemingly equally confused, before we look back at Christina, who is still grinning. She taps her finger to her cheek again and sighs.

"Am I missing something?" Tobias asks.

"Nope," she shrugs. "Like I said, I just got some new jewelry."

Just as I open my mouth to ask what she is talking about, she taps her cheek again, and my eyes fall on her hand. It is only then that I notice the diamond ring on her finger. A gasp escapes my mouth, and her grin widens. She starts giggling, as I wordlessly raise my own finger to point at the ring, my mouth open in shock.

"What, too flashy?" she says with a smirk.

"Oh my god, Chris!" She giggles again, as I throw my arms around her. "I can't believe it! When?"

"While you guys were away," she says before pulling away to look at me. "I was dying to tell you, but I wanted to wait until you got back."

"I didn't know it was possible for you to stay quiet about anything for this long," I say teasingly, making her roll her eyes. "Seriously, Chris. I'm so happy for you."

"Me too!" she squeals. "Okay, so you're gonna be the maid of honor. Obviously! And Four... Hmm, I'll find something for you!"

I look at Tobias, just as he rolls his eyes. I can't help but laugh, as Christina starts spouting out everything that she wants at her wedding, as she starts talking about all the places we'll have to go to find her a dress. I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling like a crazy person, as she goes on and on.

I cannot believe how unbelievably surreal it feels. To be so happy. To be able to share in my best friend's happiness with her. Years ago, I never would have thought that my life would turn out this way. And now that I'm here, it still feels too good to be true.

* * *

"I'm glad you're doing well," Doctor Reyes says, as I play with the zen garden. "Though I have to admit, I'm a bit confused."

"By what?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Well, you're telling me that you're happy. And for the most part, you are at peace with yourself. I guess my question is, what brings you in today if you feel that things are going well?"

"Things have been going so well," I tell her, running my fingertips over my wrist nervously. "Really well. I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. But there's one thing that still scares me."

"What is that?" she asks softly.

"Well, I'm married now. I guess I'm just worried for the next step."

"The next step, as in..." she trails off.

"Well, uhm..." I look down at the light, barely visible scars that still reside on my wrist. "I found something out after I was... shot. I never told Tobias, and I have no idea how to tell him. But because of where I was shot, the doctors told me..."

I look up at her, as she stares back at me patiently. I bite my lip and take a deep breath. It will be the first time I have ever said it out loud, and that scares me even more. As soon as I say it out loud, I know that it will be more real. As soon as I say it out loud, I know that it will really hit me.

"What did the doctor say?" she says softly after a moment of silence.

I feel tears pooling up in my eyes, but I blink it back quickly.

"He said I can't have children."


	51. Chapter 51

**Hi, friends! So many different reactions to the last chapter, which is awesome! I love it when I can surprise you guys like that! Well, except that one reviewer that says they called it lol.**

 **Also, someone said they don't remember Tris getting shot- it happened about 10 chapters ago I believe, so if you want to read it again, there it is. :P**

 **Anyway, big thank you to Guest, thisgirllovestoread677, velosewer, dauntless4664, Naruisawesome, Morgan Lovegood, It'sHardIKnow, mosuzmartian, Bravery4664, Guest, Brokenwings35, BeatriceEaton46, ManhattanSky, and SamanthaEatonSchreave for your comments, I greatly appreciate it!**

 **I'm hoping you guys like this chapter and that it'll make you a little less mad at me haha.**

 **Please let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

As the wedding draws nearer, Christina seems to be harder and harder to deal with. Of course, she is my best friend, and I love her. But it seems that as time goes on, she becomes more and more moody and snappy. Still, I put up with it because she was there for me with my wedding, and I want to be there for her as well.

I look in the mirror, as I run a brush through my hair. Christina invited all of us to hers and Uriah's apartment tonight for dinner, though she wouldn't tell us why. She just kept saying that she needed us all there, so I can only guess that it has something to do with the wedding. Either way, I don't mind going. There are worse ways to spend a Friday night.

Just as I set the brush down, I hear the door open. When I walk out of the bathroom, I see Tobias closing the door behind him. When he turns around, he smiles at me, and that is when I notice that his skin is a bit shiny as if he was just sweating. And he's discarded his button up shirt and is now only wearing a T-shirt with his work pants.

"I know I'm late," he starts before I can say anything. I raise an eyebrow at him, as he walks toward me. "I'm sorry. Some of the kids barged into my office and challenged me to a game of basketball. How could I say no?"

"Like this." I pause. "No." He rolls his eyes and chuckles, as he wraps his arms around my waist. "Does Amar know that you spent probably half your shift playing basketball?"

"He condoned it." He grins. "He said good on me for building relationships with our members."

"Of course he did," I say, rolling my eyes.

"In fact," he continues, as he releases me and starts walking to the bedroom, most likely to change, "Those kids love me now and want me to join them every week!"

"Is that so?"

"It is," he calls out from the bedroom. "You know, one of the younger ones didn't even want me to leave when I did. It took a lot of convincing and reminding him that I'd be back next week before he finally let me go."

I chew on my lip and look down at the ground, as I imagine Tobias surrounded by those kids. As I imagine one of them begging him to stay. I imagine how well he must have handled them for them to like him that much. I haven't really seen Tobias interact with kids, but I imagine he would be good with them.

And although it breaks my heart, I can't but think that he may never get to experience it with his own.

"You okay?"

I look up and see Tobias staring back at me from the bedroom doorway with concern in his eyes.

"Yeah," I say a little too quickly. "Just waiting on you."

I can tell by the way he looks at me that he knows I am lying, but luckily he doesn't push it any further.

"All right," he says, as he walks toward me again. "I'm ready."

He holds out his hand for me, and I take it, faking a smile at him. Once again, I can tell that he doesn't believe it. But he doesn't say anything, as we leave the apartment together.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Even as we arrive at Christina and Uriah's apartment, I can't help but wonder why Tris seemed so upset earlier. I could tell that she didn't want to talk about it. But given her past, I know that I can't wait too long to figure it out. If it has anything to do with her old habits, I need to make sure to address it before she does something to put herself in harm's way.

When we get to the apartment, Christina leads us into the living room. Shauna is sitting in her wheelchair next to the couch. Zeke is seated at the end of the couch so that he can be next to her while Uriah and Myra sit next to him. As Christina rushes back into the kitchen, we sit down on the couch opposite them, as they all greet us. Uriah then excuses himself to the kitchen to help Christina.

"So how's life as a married man, Four?" Shauna asks, grinning at me.

"It's great," I say, squeezing Tris' hand.

I look at her, and she smiles back at me. Still, I can tell that she is upset about something. It bothers me, but I know that no good will come from asking her now in front of everyone.

"If you ever need any advice from someone who's been married longer," Zeke grins, "you know who to ask."

"You mean Shauna?"

Shauna chuckles, as Zeke rolls his eyes at me.

"I finally beat you at something, man!" he exclaims. "Just let me have this!"

I roll my eyes at him as well. We talk for a while longer before Christina nearly sprints into the room, closely followed by Uriah. We all look up at her, confused by her entrance, and she grins back at us.

"Okay, friends." She takes a deep breath. "We were gonna wait until after dinner to do this, but I can't wait anymore!"

"What is it?" Shauna asks, as Christina bounces up and down on her heels.

Uriah starts, "The reason we invited you guys tonight is because we wanted to tell you-"

"I'm pregnant!" Christina yells, raising her arms in the air excitedly.

There is silence for a moment before Myra squeals- yes, literally squeals- and jumps off the couch. She throws her arms around both Uriah and Christina, as everyone else calls out to congratulate them. When Myra finally lets go, they both go around hugging everyone. Except me, of course, because they know that I don't like hugs. Instead, Uriah teasingly asks me for a handshake.

As everyone starts asking Christina how she found out and if they have thought of any names, I look to my side at Tris, who I realize is being quieter. I can tell by the look on her face that she is more upset, but she seems to sense my eyes on her. She looks back at me and fakes a quick smile before looking back at Christina. I squeeze her hand, and I watch her bite her lip before she stands up, letting go of my hand, and walks to the bathroom, unnoticed by our friends.

Still, I stay seated where I am because I know that it will only draw attention to her if I follow her to the bathroom to find out what's wrong. Instead, I try to distract myself by focusing on the conversation that my friends are having, but it doesn't work.

Minutes later, she comes back from the bathroom, but when I look at her, her eyes aren't red or swollen at all. I can't help but feel a little relief that she isn't upset enough to the point of crying.

"Tris," Christina calls out, making me look up as well. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?"

I look at Tris, as she nods and follows her into the kitchen. Without saying a word, Uriah also stands up and follows them, and I can't help but wonder what is going on, but nobody else seems concerned.

"Aw, this is so exciting!" Myra says, clapping her hands together.

"It is," Shauna sighs. "I hope it's a girl."

"What do you have against boys?" Zeke says, bringing his hand to his chest as if he is offended.

"Come on, it's Christina! She'd love to have a girl to dress up every day!"

"Yeah, well _I_ would love to have a little nephew to play catch and video games with!" Shauna rolls her eyes as Zeke simply shrugs before he looks at me. "Looks like you got beat at something else, Four!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Well, to be honest, I thought you guys would be the first to… you know, pop 'em out."

"Zeke!" Shauna scolds him.

I roll my eyes, as they start arguing about Zeke's word choice. I tune them out, as I start to think about it myself. Tris and I have never really talked about having kids. A part of me has always been afraid that I would end up like my father. But my time with Tris has taken a good deal of power away from that fear.

She makes me feel like I can do better. And I know, without a doubt, that she would be an amazing mother if it ever happened. Of course, I am not sure where she stands on the idea. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I certainly wouldn't mind starting a family with her.

Moments later, Tris walks back into the living room, looking as if she has seen a ghost. Of course, nobody else notices as they are still in the midst of their heated debate. She moves to stand in front of me, and she crouches a little so that only I can hear her.

"Can we go?" she whispers, though it doesn't exactly sound like a question. "I don't feel good."

"Yeah, of course. What's wrong?"

"I just don't feel good," she says quickly before standing up fully and turning around.

I stand up as well and grab her hand, and she turns to face me. Now, everyone is watching us.

"Did you tell Christina and Uriah we were leaving?" I ask.

"Yeah, they know."

"Aw, you're leaving?" Shauna pouts.

"Yeah, sorry, I just don't feel good," Tris says, trying to shrug nonchalantly.

The three of them go off in a chorus of "aw" and "feel better" as we wave goodbye to them and start walking for the door. For the entire walk to the car and even the car ride, we end up in silence. I can't help but wonder what is going on her head. But I know that I need to find out.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

By the time we get back to our apartment, the urge to cry is stronger than it has been all night, but I know that I cannot do that in front of Tobias, since he has no idea why I'm so upset. When we get inside, I hang up my coat and turn around to find Tobias already staring back at me.

"So, what happened?" he asks bluntly.

I wring my hands for a moment, taking a deep breath so that I won't start crying as soon as I speak.

"Well… They asked us to be the god parents."

He looks surprised for a moment before he looks down at the floor thoughtfully.

"That's what you were upset about?" he asks finally.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid, Tris," he says, looking at me again. "I can tell when you're upset about something."

I simply look at him for a moment, trying to decide what to do. But in the end, I know that he is right. He always knows when I'm upset, and he always gets me to tell him, one way or another.

His eyes follow me, as I walk past him and sit down on the couch. Without being asked, he sits down next to me and turns to face me so that we are face to face. I look at him for a moment, trying to decide how to even start this. But it seems that he has read my mind.

"Say whatever you need to say," he says, as his hand envelopes mine.

"Please don't leave," I say quietly, more to myself than him.

He shakes his head, though I can tell that he is more nervous now.

"You know I won't."

"Do you remember when I was in the hospital, how Tori would stay with me when you weren't there?" I ask.

"How could I forget?" he mutters.

"Something happened one day when she was with me." I look down to take a deep breath, and I feel him rub my hand comfortingly with his thumb. "The doctor came in to talk to me. Well, he was more so talking to Tori because I wasn't all… there."

"Okay," he says slowly, signaling for me to continue.

"He told me that because of where I was shot…" I bite my lip, as the tears begin to pool in my eyes. "I can't have children."

I look down, unable to bring myself to watch his reaction. My eyes close to keep the tears in. There is only silence for what seems like minutes, though it probably only seems that way because of how terrible this all feels.

I only realize that the tears have started escaping when I feel him wiping one off my cheek. I open my eyes and look at him, and I can see the pain in his eyes. But I can also tell that he is trying to hide it. For a moment, we just look at each other. Neither of us say anything. It almost seems like neither of us know what to say. Eventually, he wraps his arms around me, and I sink into his chest. My tears continue to escape my eyes and drip into his shirt, but he doesn't seem to notice. That, or he doesn't care.

"I'm so sorry," I say into his shoulder, my voice shaking. "I should have told you sooner. I should have told you before we got married. I should have…"

I trail off, as he pulls back a bit and uses his hand to lift my chin so that I am looking at him.

"You think that if I had known I wouldn't have married you?" I bite my lip and look down as much as I can to avoid his eyes. "That's what you think, isn't it?"

"I certainly wouldn't have blamed you," I mutter.

He lets go of my chin and moves his hand to my cheek instead. I look up at him through my lashes only to find that he was already staring at me, pain in his eyes.

"Tris, you should know by now that I love you more than anything and anyone," he says, making my eyes tear up more. "This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. Of course I'm upset about this. But that doesn't mean I'm upset with you."

"I am," I tell him, my voice still shaking. "I'm upset with me."

"Why?" He makes me look at him again, but I don't answer. "You're everything I need. I know you're upset that we can't have kids. But at least we still have each other, right?" He strokes my cheek softly. "I'm not going anywhere, Tris."

"Neither am I," I say, answering the implied question.

"You're all I'm ever going to need," he tells me.

"But what if..." I take a deep breath. "What if, one day, you decide you want more, and I can't give it to you?"

"You realize your job isn't to pump out kids, right?" He smiles just the slightest bit, and I can't help but laugh through my tears. Most likely because my emotions are in complete disorder right now. "Besides, there are other ways."

"Like what?" I ask. "You mean, like adoption?"

"Maybe," he says. "If you want to in the future."

"It's not just about me," I tell him. "What do you want?"

He stares at me for a moment, as he continues to collect my tears with his thumb. Eventually, the hint of a smile appears on his lips, and he rests his forehead on mine.

"Right now, just you," he says quietly.

Before I can respond, he presses his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, as he wraps his around my torso, drawing me closer to him. For a while, even after we pull away for air, we just stay there in each other's arms. I rest my head on his shoulder, and he strokes my hair until I have fully calmed down.

Though I still feel extremely guilty, I have to admit that I feel better knowing that he isn't upset with me. Still, I can't help but feel a little nervous.

I know that he says that he only wants me right now. But I still can't help but wonder what will happen if he one day decides that he wants more.

* * *

As soon as I walk through the door into Tori's house, the first thing I do is pick up Clementine, who meows at me, and carry him over to the sofa where I sit down with him on my lap. Tori sits opposite me and watches me, as I pat Clementine's head.

"So, how are things?" she asks. "You didn't sound very happy on the phone."

I shrug my shoulders, as I continue to play with Clementine. For a moment, I consider if I should really tell her what it going on. But then I realize that it is Tori. I can't really keep anything from her. I take a deep breath, as I decide to tell her.

"Four and I had a talk," I say. "I told him what the doctor told me after I was shot."

"Wait, you mean recently?" she asks, clearly surprised. "You just told him?"

"Yes," I sigh. "I know I should have told him earlier, I just didn't know how."

"That's okay," she says, composing herself quickly. "What did he say?"

"He said that he was upset, but not at me. But he seems okay with it."

For now, at least.

"Do you think you guys will still... well, try?" she asks carefully.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, as I look at her for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

She looks at me for a moment, seemingly equally confused.

"What exactly did you tell him, Tris?" she says slowly. "Just to make sure we're talking about the same thing."

"I told him that I can't have children," I say feeling pain all over again.

"Shouldn't."

Silence fills the room, as we stare back at each other.

"What?" I croak.

"Tris, he said you _shouldn't._ That there's a possibility of complications." She shakes her head a little. "Not that you can't."


	52. Chapter 52

**Hi beautiful people! In case you're wondering, this story is very very close to the end, but this is NOT the last chapter.**

 **Thank you to VivianJane, notalways0kay, Bravery4664, Naruisawesome, It'sHardIKnow, velosewer, mosuzmartian, Guest, BeatriceEaton46, Brokenwings35, Sawyerrr, Morgan Lovegood, mlwil, SamanthaEatonSchreave, and ManhattanSky. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement. It's what keeps me going. :)**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. Please let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

The first thing I feel when I wake up is a dull pain in my stomach. I groan, as the pain begins to worsen the more that I wake up. Tobias stirs next to me, but his arm stays around me. Suddenly, his arm feels so painfully tight around my stomach, and I find myself squirming away from him, as heat rushes through my body. I gasp, as I feel it rising up to my throat. I push myself out of bed and stumble to the bathroom as quickly as I can manage. And luckily, I make it just in time.

I fall to my knees in front of the toilet and let out what must have been hurting my stomach. It stops for a moment, and I pant for air. I can feel sweat on my face and on the back of my neck, which has my hair stuck to it. Just as I think about it, I feel Tobias brush my hair away from my neck and hold it back, as I continue to retch into the toilet. He doesn't say anything. He just sits there, holding my hair in one hand and rubbing my back lightly with the other.

After what feels like hours, I sit back and pant for breath. Still without saying a word, Tobias flushes the toilet and helps me up so that I can clean my mouth out in the sink. Once I am done, he helps me back to the bedroom. I let out a groan again, as I lay down and close my eyes, appreciating the fact that the pain from my stomach is now gone for the most part. He sits down on the bed next to me, and I can feel his eyes on me. Suddenly, I feel his hand on my forehead, and I open my own eyes to look at him.

"Is it a fever?" I ask weakly.

"I can't tell," he says. "You could just be hot from getting sick. I'll check again once you've cooled down from that."

I nod a bit and close my eyes again, but I can still feel him watching me.

"We both ate the same thing yesterday," he says, more to himself. "I don't think that's it."

"It's probably just a virus," I say.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "Probably."

Just as I open my eyes, he stands up, telling me that he is going to get water for me. I take a deep breath, hoping that the pain and nausea doesn't come back. But either way, I still feel weak. When Tobias comes back in, he puts the glass of water on the bedside table and sits back down before he places his hand on my forehead again. I look up at him, as he frowns.

"You don't feel hot anymore," he says. "I don't think it's a fever."

"Well, whatever it is, it's not a big deal." He gives me a disbelieving look, and I roll my eyes. "If it lasts for more than two days, we'll go to a doctor, okay?"

"All right, fine," he sighs. "Two days, that's it."

I smile weakly, as he pulls the blanket toward me.

"Deal."

* * *

It turns out that there isn't very much to do when you call out of work and your husband wants you to stay in bed to make sure you don't get sick again. He even almost called out just so that he could watch over me, but I convinced him that I would be fine on my own. Eventually, I ended up looking through the photo album that our friends put together as a wedding gift. Some of the pictures are of everyone, and some of the pictures are just Tobias and I.

I smile, as I look through them. One of the pictures is the one that Shauna took when she caught us kissing on New Year's Eve. It is fairly dark except for the fireworks illuminating the sky. Only our silhouettes are visible. It really is beautiful.

I laugh, as I find the picture that Zeke took at his house, that one night that Tobias passed out in Uriah's room, and Uriah decided to climb into bed with him. When Tobias first saw it, he whined that he wanted to throw it out, but I refused.

There is a picture of me sitting on Uriah's bed, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Apparently, when I was high on Peace, I begged Tobias to take a picture of me. I don't remember that, but he showed me this picture as proof when I told him that I didn't believe him.

The next picture is a picture of Christina and I dressed up for the school dance. That was the night that I finally let myself tell Tobias how I felt about him. I find myself wishing that I had a picture of that moment.

On the next page, there is only one picture. A younger version of Marlene and Shauna smile back at me while Lynn sits next to them, only a half-smile on her face. Apparently, the picture was a gift from Lynn because she didn't want to keep holding onto it forever. She gave it to me so that I could remember Marlene in a time when she was truly happy.

I can't help but laugh, as I reach the picture of Bud and me, Bud wearing a confused look on his face. That was the day when there were barely any customers, so I decided to teach him what a "selfie" is.

There is a picture of myself and Uriah onstage at the talent show that he forced me to sing for. I cannot help but feel proud of myself for performing even though I was terrified.

Toward the end, there are only pictures of Tobias and I. One of us at his high school graduation, one of us sitting together on the beach from when we went on the road trip with our friends, one in Zeke's old dorm room for Halloween, one in Amar's house on Christmas holding up the "Beauty" and "Beast" shirts that he gave us, one that was taken right before my senior Prom, multiple pictures from our honeymoon.

The very last picture is a picture from our wedding. But it is not a staged picture. Instead, it is a candid of us, holding onto each other, just smiling at each other. I smile down at it and run my fingers over the page lightly until I hear the front door open.

I look up, and moments later, Tobias walks through the bedroom door. He smiles, as his eyes land on the album in my lap, and he sits down next to me and puts his arm around me.

"Reminiscing, are we?" he says before pressing his lips to my temple. "Feeling any better?"

"A bit," I say.

"Because if you still don't feel good tomorrow, I'm allowed to take you to the doctor," he reminds me.

"I know, I know." I sigh, as I look back down at the album. "We'll see."

"Guess what," he says, making me look up at him.

"What?"

"Amar and I talked today," he says, his lips curling into a smile. "And apparently, he's going to take a drive to see George."

"What, really?" I ask excitedly.

At our wedding, Tobias told me about the encounter between Amar and George when they first met. And when we came back from our honeymoon, Tori told me about her plan to get them together. I am surprised that it took this long for them to finally spend time together without Tori, but I am glad that they finally worked it out nonetheless.

"It's about time, isn't it?" he says.

"About time." I nod before smiling up at him. "Maybe we'll be at their wedding next."

* * *

The next morning, I sit in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning, I was sick again. And we did have a deal, that he could take me to the doctor if the sickness lasted more than two days, so here we are. We wait there quietly for a few minutes before my name is finally called. I stand up, and Tobias takes my hand, making me look down at him.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" he asks.

"No, I'll be fine." I smile reassuringly at him. "You can wait here."

He nods and lets go of my hand reluctantly, so I follow the nurse through the doorway that leads into the back hallway. She ushers me into one of the rooms and tells me to sit down on the chair. The paper covering the chair crinkles, as I settle down into it. As I sit there, she asks me all the necessary questions. If I have any allergies, when my last cycle was, and so many more questions.

"Any chance you could be pregnant?" she asks finally.

"No." She glances at me from the corner of her eye before she continues writing in the file. "Definitely not."

"Well," she says, as she sets her pen down and looks at me. "Let's just see."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

It feels like I have been sitting in this waiting room for hours, though I know it couldn't possibly have been that long. I find myself tapping my foot on the ground nervously, as I stare at the small television in the corner of the waiting room, though I'm not really paying attention to it.

I have no idea what has been causing Tris to get sick like this. But my mind seems to be supplying me with the worst case scenarios.

Luckily, before I can think myself into a panic attack, the nurse who came to get Tris opens the door and looks at me.

"Sir, your wife asked for you to come back with her," she says.

I nod, as I stand up a little too quickly and follow her back into the next hallway. She opens up the door leading to one of the rooms and gestures for me to go in without saying a word. I thank her, as I walk in. It is only when she closes the door behind me that I realize that she is not coming in with me. But I don't have much time to wonder why. Because as soon as I walk into the room, I see Tris sitting on the chair, her mouth just barely open, as she stares at the floor. I can feel worry consuming me again, as I take in the look on her face.

"Tris?" I say softly. "What's wrong?"

"Tobias..." she croaks.

But she says nothing else. The look on her face scares me. She won't look at me, she is just staring off into space, seemingly shocked. I move to stand directly in front of her so that she has no choice but to meet my eyes, as I envelope her hands in mine.

"Tris," I say more urgently this time. "What is it?"

She presses her lips together before letting out a deep breath. She shakes her head a bit, her eyes never leaving mine. Her voice is barely a whisper when she finally speaks.

"I'm pregnant."


	53. Chapter 53

**Hi beautiful people! Happy late Thanksgiving, and I hope you all enjoyed it. For anyone that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoyed the day anyway. As one of those corny Thanksgiving briefs, I AM thankful for all of you lovely people who read this story and tell me what you think about it. You guys are truly awesome and you keep me going :)**

 **Speaking of thankful, thank you to xxTanya46GreyswordxX, mlwil, Morgan Lovegood, dauntless4664, velosewer, Bravery4664, It'sHardIKnow, Naruisawesome, BeatriceEaton46, Guest, and mosuzmartian for your kind words. And thank you to It'sHardIKnow for giving me my 500th review! Special shout out! But all comments are appreciated!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. Sorry if this one is super depressing, but I promise there are some happy things to come!**

 **Please let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Through my shock, I watch a million emotions flash across Tobias' face all at once.

"You're... what?" he asks slowly.

"Pregnant," I say, my voice still a whisper. "I'm pregnant."

There is only silence for a moment, as we stare back at each other. Silence, save for the sound of the nurses outside. I can't help but wonder when mine will come back. Hopefully not before we've come down from our shock.

"I thought... I thought you couldn't get pregnant."

"No." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I was wrong. The doctor didn't say I can't have children. He said that I shouldn't because there's more of a chance of complications."

I open my eyes, but he is now staring down at the ground, seemingly deep in thought. I bite my lip, as tears start to form in my eyes. As the reality of what is happening begins to set in. I bring my hands to my face and shudder.

One of my worst fears is coming true. I am in danger. My baby- the baby I never thought I would have- is in danger. It's all my fault. I misunderstood. If I had understood, I would have been more careful. But I wasn't, and now there's a chance of losing everything.

I shudder again at the thought, as my tears begin to escape. Within seconds, I feel Tobias take my wrists in his hands and pull my hands away from my face. I look down so that he won't see my tears but he lowers himself down so that I have no choice but to look at him.

"I can't do this," I cry, as he wipes one of my tears away.

"Tris, come on," he says softly, stroking my cheek. "Everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you, I'll be here every step of the way. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

"You can't control this, Tobias!" He looks at me, seemingly taken aback by my outburst. "You can't stop me from having a miscarriage, you can't stop me from dying when I give birth, and if I do live through it, guess what? You can't stop me from being a terrible mother to this baby if it even makes it out alive."

I gasp out, as my tears start coming out faster. I lower my head, as sobs rack through my body. His arms wrap around my shaking body tightly, and he holds me there, letting me cry into his chest. He doesn't say anything, and neither do I. This time, there is silence save for the sound of my cries.

Until finally, minutes later when my tears start to slow down. He pulls away a bit and meets my eyes again, as I take a deep breath in an attempt to steady myself.

"Did you mean what you just said?" he asks, a sense of urgency in his tone.

"What?" I ask, as I wipe the tears off my face.

"Did you mean what you just said? You really think you wouldn't be a good mother?"

"Tobias, you need to understand-"

"No, _you_ need to understand." He cups my face in both my hands, an unmistakable urgency in his eyes now as well. "Tris, you are the strongest, bravest, kindest, smartest person I've ever known. You are amazing and beautiful inside and out. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't care if you can't see it. I see it. And as for the other concerns, I promise you, everything will be okay. Do you remember what I told you when I proposed to you?"

"That you love me?" I guess.

"Close." He smiles just the slightest bit. "Tris, you are everything to me. I don't care what I have to do. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He strokes my cheek again, his thumb collecting the leftover tears. "I've saved you once, I'll save you again."

I feel a new wave of sadness wash over me, as I think about the times that he's had to "save" me in the past. When he saw the scars on my wrist and reported me. When he helped me get away from Peter in the alleyway. When he found me the night that I tried to kill myself. When he stayed in the hospital with me for days after I woke up from the coma. He has been through so much for me. I don't want to put him through anymore.

"Tobias... Do you promise that you would love me no matter what?"

"You know I would," he says.

"What if I made a choice..." He furrows his eyebrows at me, as I take a deep breath. "That would end all of this?"

He stares at me for a moment before he takes his hands away from my face and steps back just a bit. I feel a brand new pain, as I watch the realization settle.

"You want to get rid of it?" he says finally, though it seems like he already knows the answer.

"I don't know," I croak, looking down so I won't have to see the pain in his eyes. "I just need to know that you'll be here no matter what happens."

Silence fills the room again. Though I am staring down at the ground, I can feel his eyes on me. Without thinking, I begin to brace myself. For the possibility that he might hate me for what I have just suggested. He might call me selfish. I certainly wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't even blame him if he left the room right now and never spoke to me again.

I wrap my arms around my own torso and lower my head, as tears prickle at my eyes again. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault.

"I will." I look up, surprised, and he stares back at me with an obvious pain still in his eyes. "No matter what you decide, I'll be here for you."

"Why?" I ask without thinking.

He looks at me for a moment before he takes a step toward me again and cradles my face in his hands. He leans into me slowly, and I close my eyes in anticipation, allowing myself to take comfort in what he is doing even though my guilt is slowly consuming me. Just before our lips meet, he answers my question.

"Because I love you."

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

As much as I love my kids, some days can really drag on. I even had to send one of them to detention today. Nobody ever said being a high school music teacher would be easy, but I never expected it to be so exhausting. Still, it's completely worth it when I find those students that adore music as much as I do, and we end up bonding over it. I let out a sigh, as I sit back on the couch and stare at the television, letting it numb my mind so that I can relax for a few minutes.

But just as I start to sink into the couch, I hear a gasping sound from the kitchen. I know that Christina is in there because she went to make herself something to eat. Ever since she got pregnant, she's been eating more than usual. I am grateful for that, though, because even after all this time, there are still some days when she has trouble getting herself to eat.

I am taken out of my thoughts, as I hear the sound of stifled crying, as if she is trying to do it quietly so that I won't hear. I push myself off the couch and walk around the corner that leads into our little kitchen area. When I walk in, she is standing facing the counter, her back to me, and she has her hands covering her face.

"Love cake?"

She gasps as if she didn't realize that I was there and turns around quickly. I can tell by the redness in her eyes and the way her cheeks are shining that she was crying, and I can't help but frown at her.

"Uri," she sighs, as she wipes the tears off her face. "Don't scare me like that."

"Scare you? You're scaring me!" She rolls her eyes and looks down, as I walk toward her. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not," I say simply.

I wrap my arms around her waist, and she looks up at me and sighs.

"I'm just upset, okay? I've dreamed about my wedding since I was little, and I picked out the perfect dress and everything. And now, by the time we get married, I'm going to be eight months pregnant, and I'm gonna look..." She pauses and sniffles, as her eyes start to tear up again. "I'm gonna look terrible!"

Before I can react, she brings her hands to her face and starts crying again. Even though I know that it is in no way the right reaction, I find myself laughing a little before I can stop myself. She peeks at me through her fingers, seemingly surprised, and I clear my throat in an attempt to cover up the laugh. It didn't work.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," I explain. "But come on, love! You've got to know that you're going to look amazing no matter what. You always look amazing."

She sniffles again. "Yeah?"

"Of course," I grin at her. "You're my beautiful girlfriend, and soon you'll be my beautiful wife. And then you'll be a beautiful-"

"Mother?" she says with a smile.

"Well, I was gonna say MILF, but-"

"Uri!"

She slaps my chest, but she ends up grinning back at me anyway.

"I mean it, though," I continue. "You're going to look great no matter what."

"If you say so," she sighs.

I watch her, as she wipes the rest of the tears off her cheeks and takes a deep breath. I know that the pregnancy could make her more emotional than usual. But I also have a feeling that this could tie into her insecurities as well. She has always been wary of eating and her weight. It must be terrifying for her to go into a day that she has been dreaming about for years, having gained so much weight. I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. But I do understand that she is unhappy.

"Hey, I think I have an idea."

"Should I be worried?" she smirks.

"No," I say with a smile. "Why don't we move up the wedding?"

Her eyes widen, and she simply stares back at me for a moment before speaking.

"What?" is all she says.

"Yeah, we can make it simple," I continue. "We can have a little backyard wedding or something, and-"

"What backyard? We live in an apartment."

"What about your mom's house?" I ask.

"I mean, I doubt she would have a problem with that..." She stares at me for a moment again, shaking her head a bit. "Why are you suggesting this? Do you realize how hard it's going to be to plan this with even less time?"

"Details." I grin. "Look, I know this is important to you. And I want you to be happy. And if getting married with a small stomach is what you want..." She rolls her eyes, though she is still smiling at me. "Then that's what we'll do."

"Are you sure?" she asks.

"One hundred percent," I reply.

"Okay." She takes a deep breath and grins at me. "Let's get married, then."

* * *

 **Tobias POV**

* * *

I don't think she realizes it, but I can tell that Tris is glancing at me just about every five seconds. We just got done eating dinner, and now she is laying on the couch watching the television while I sit at the other end with her feet in my lap as well as my laptop. I close it up and look at her just in time to catch her looking at me, but her eyes move back to the television quickly. I lean forward to place the laptop on the coffee table before I sit back and rest my hands on her calf.

We haven't spoken to each other very much since our trip to the doctor's office. She also hasn't done very much besides go to work and lay on the couch. It hurts for me to see her like this. Of course, it is not nearly the first time that I have ever seen her like this, but it is never easy. Unfortunately, I know that what I am about to tell her will only make her feel worse, but I know that it needs to be said.

"Tris," I say softly. This time, she doesn't look at me, but she hums in response. "They said you're about four weeks along, right?"

There is silence for a moment except for the sound of the television in the background. I immediately regret saying anything, but I try to remind myself that we need to have this talk.

"Yes," she nearly whispers, still not looking at me.

"I was doing some research," I say, vaguely gesturing toward the laptop on the table. "Apparently it's recommended that if you want to... you know, terminate a pregnancy, you should do it before six weeks."

"I don't want to talk about this, Tobias," she mutters.

"I'm only saying it because that doesn't really give you a lot of time to decide. Maybe-"

"I don't want to talk about this," she says more forcefully.

I find myself taken aback by the anger in her tone, but I feel guilt start to take over, as I watch her eyes tear up. The rest of her face remains still, though, which means that she is using everything she has to keep herself from crying. I let out a sigh, as I watch her. She still won't look at me.

"I'm sorry," I say softly. "I just want to help you." I stare at her for a moment, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't even move. "How can I help you?"

"I don't know," she mumbles.

I stand up carefully, laying her legs out on the cushions before moving to kneel on the ground in front of her so that she has no choice but to look at me. Her eyes meet mine finally, and I rest my chin on the couch cushion so that our faces are only inches apart. I reach up and take her hand in mine, and luckily, she doesn't pull away.

"Tris, I know you're upset," I say, stroking the back of her hand with my thumb. "But please don't shut me out. I need you."

Sometimes I feel like there is a dam inside her, holding back all her pain and emotion. And sometimes, in times like this, I watch it break. I watch it all come forward and attack her all at once, and it makes me feel so helpless. Because all I can do is sit and watch. And that is what I do now. I sit and watch, as tears form in her eyes, and she pulls her hand out of mine so that she can cover her face with it. She shudders, and I feel my own heart break at the sound of her crying. I push myself up so that I am on the couch with her, and I wrap my arms around her tightly in the hopes that the embrace will ward off some of her pain. But I know it doesn't work like that.

"I can't do it," she cries into my chest.

"Do what?" I ask.

"I can't..." She shudders. "I can't get rid of it... I can't, I can't."

"Hey, it's okay," I whisper, running my hand over her hair in an attempt to calm her. "It's gonna be okay."

"No, I'm not doing it," she continues. She takes a deep breath, though her voice is still shaking when she speaks again. "It's not about me. It needs to live... It's going to live."

I find myself speechless, as the full realization of what she is saying sets in. She doesn't want to get rid of it. She would rather risk her own health to carry the baby than get rid of it. She has always been selfless, and now it seems, she always will be. I pull back a bit to look at her, and she looks up at me with glassy eyes.

"What are you saying?" I ask, though I already know the answer.

She takes a deep shaky breath before she finally speaks.

"I'm keeping it."


	54. Chapter 54

**Hi beauties! I'm sorry about the delay and also that this chapter doesn't cover nearly as much as I wanted it to- I've just been really busy :( But I wrote this one up because this is actually something I've been wanting to do for a while, and I think you'll understand what I mean when you read the chapter.**

 **Anyway, thank you to notalways0kay, Book-lover11189, velosewer, Morgan Lovegood, SraEaton46, dauntless4664, It'sHardIKnow, Naruisawesome, BeatriceEaton46, XxTanya46GreyswordxX, and Bravery4664. Your comments were really amazing, and I'm so thankful. I wanted to mention a couple specifically because they took the time to write such long comments.**

 **Specifically, to notalways0kay: That was exactly the aim of this story. To touch on subjects that people normally wouldn't or couldn't. I'm so glad that you can see that, and I'm so insanely happy that you like this story enough to say as much as you did.**

 **To Book-lover11189: There actually are times when I go back and reread this story myself! To be honest, that thought and your review is what inspired this chapter, so thank you so much. **

**Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope you guys like this chapter. Please let me know what you think. :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Christina is getting married soon. She had the opposite idea as Tobias and me. We went on our honeymoon during the summer. They will be going on their honeymoon during winter so that they will be able to escape the cold. On her honeymoon, she will be about eight months pregnant. I will be about six. That means that right now, we are about seven and five. Both showing already. It might even look comical to an outsider to see us both sitting together, both with swollen stomachs.

"Don't get me wrong," Christina says, as she picks up her glass of water off the table. "I'm beyond happy to be having a kid. But by god, it's been months since I've had a drink!"

I shake my head, though I can't help but smile as she grins at me. We decided to have lunch together to talk about things. She has been helping me stay healthy throughout my pregnancy, and I have been helping her with her wedding as usual. But I also felt that it would be a good idea to talk everything out with her before she goes away for her honeymoon.

"Come on," she says, picking at her food. "Imagine a nice glass of wine right now. That'd be perfect."

"I guess so," I say, poking my own food with my fork.

"Hey." I look up at her, and she tilts her head a bit. "What's the matter?"

"I've just been thinking," I shrug.

"About?" she asks before popping some food in her mouth.

I look at her for a moment, trying to gather up my courage. As soon as she finishes chewing, she sets down her fork. I can tell by the change in her demeanor that she knows that I am about to say something serious. Still, I find myself wishing that I didn't have to say this at all.

"I want you to be the baby's godmother," I say. "And Uriah to be the godfather."

"Can't say I'm surprised," she says, smiling just the slightest bit.

"I really need you to understand what this means though." Her smile fades, and she looks down at the plate in front of her. "This isn't just a 'you're my best friend, so I'm gonna choose you' type of thing."

"I know," she says quietly.

I chew on my lip nervously for a moment. She reaches across the table and puts her hand over mine, and it is only then that I realize that my eyes are tearing up.

"There's a chance that I won't live through this," I say as steadily as I can. "I need to know that someone will be there if I can't. And I want that person to be you. If you're up for it."

"Of course I am," she says. "I promise, I'll be there."

She squeezes my hand, and I look down, as I find myself unable to meet her eyes anymore. Even though I know this to be my truth, it still hurts to say it out loud. It hurts that I have to plan for my own demise.

* * *

Christina offered to give me a ride home, but I declined the offer. I told her that I like walking, and I think she could see right through that. She knew that I just needed to be alone. After all, she can read me like a book. It's always been like that.

Ever since I left, I have felt like I am stuck in a haze. The entire time that I walk, I only focus on the sound of the snow crunching under my boots with every step that I take. The darkness of the late afternoon sky. The way that my breath puffs out visibly in the cold air.

By the time I make it back to the apartment building, my mind feels absolutely numb. I stop on the sidewalk and look up at the snow-covered building. I cross my arms over my chest, as the wind pushes my hair back lightly. I realize that I am not ready to go inside yet. I am not sure if Tobias is home yet or not, but if he is, I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk to him about this yet.

So, instead, I sit down on the bench in front of the building. Luckily, the snow was cleared off of it for the most part. It is still freezing cold against my legs when I sit down, but I acclimate to it quickly.

For a while I just sit there, trying to think of anything else. Trying not to think at all, but I've never had such luck.

A woman walks by on the sidewalk. She doesn't look at me, but I watch her go. She is wearing a knit hat, a matching winter coat, and a frayed scarf. She stares straight ahead, seemingly determined. She brings a cigarette to her lips. Inhales. Blows out smoke.

I close my eyes, as I get a whiff of the smoke. It's been years since I've had a cigarette, and yet I still find myself craving one whenever the smell reaches me. But I know I can never bring another to my lips, no matter how much I might want to. I promised Tobias.

I promised him that I wouldn't hurt myself, and he promised that he would never let me.

* * *

 _I looked down at my white dress. The kind that I never thought I would wear. Even though I never planned to get married, I always imagined that it must be nerve-racking to stand in front of all your friends and family and recite such personal vows. But as I stood there, listening to Tobias, I realized that everything else seemed to slip away. It was is if it was just him and me. Like we were completely alone._

 _I bit my lip, as I looked up to meet his eyes again. He smiled at me a little before continuing._

 _"I guess what I'm saying is, I don't even know where to start," he said. "I've never had a way with words, and I think everyone knows that."_

 _It was only the faint sound of laughter that reminded me that our friends were watching, but I forgot about it in seconds anyway._

 _"I don't know what words I could use to describe the person who makes me happier than anything, who I love more than anything, and who I'll spend the rest of my life looking at and wondering how I got so lucky. But my vow is that I will spend the rest of my life trying to find those words."_

 _He smiled at me again, as my eyes began to tear up._

 _"I promise," he continued, "that I will love you, cherish you, protect you, and support you until the day I die."_

* * *

 _"Tris, breathe," Tobias pleaded. "It's okay. You're okay."_

 _I woke up shaking and panting. Tobias was the one to wake me, to free me from my nightmare. He always is._

 _I couldn't understand why my past still haunted me even when my present was too good to be true._

 _I sat there, trying to calm myself down. He sat there, stroking my hand. I felt his finger graze over my wedding ring, and I looked up at him only to find that he was already looking back at me._

 _"I've got you," he said softly. "You're okay."_

 _I nodded my head slowly before I reached forward to wrap my arms around his neck. He immediately returned the embrace, lightly rubbing my back the entire time._

 _"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked._

 _I closed my eyes, as he ran his hand over my hair. I immediately realized just how tired I was from waking up so suddenly._

 _"It was my father," I mumbled._

* * *

 _I walked up the stairs quietly. Caleb was out tutoring one of his classmates, being the prodigy that he was. My mother was out grocery shopping. When I asked her if I could go with her, she said no because I would slow her down. That meant that I was home alone with my father. Which meant that I tried my hardest to stay quiet and unnoticed so that I wouldn't provoke him at all._

 _Unfortunately, that proved to be impossible._

 _When I reached the top of the stairs, I sauntered to my room and pushed the door open. Only, I froze in the doorway the second that I looked in. There stood my father, in the middle of my room with my diary in his hands._

 _He looked up at me as soon as the door opened, and I felt my heart racing in my chest. There was only tense silence for a moment before he turned the diary around as if to show me what page he was on._

 _"So, this is what you think of me?" he asked in a dangerous tone that told me that I was about to heavily regret ever writing those thoughts down on paper. "Answer me."_

 _"I... I don't," I stuttered out._

 _I jumped, as he threw the book at the wall next to the doorway, but I knew better than to try to leave. I knew that that would only land me in even more trouble. Before I could decide what to say or do, he grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me toward him so that we were face to face._

 _"You are an entitled little brat, you know that?"_

 _"I didn't mean-"_

 _"Quiet," he nearly growled, shaking me a bit. "If you ever write anything like that again, I'll give you something to whine about. Do you understand?"_

 _"Yes," I whispered._

 _Without saying another word, he pushed me to the side, letting go of my collar. Though the push itself wasn't forceful, I stumbled over the book in question and ended up on the floor, pain radiating through my lower back. I gasped out in pain, as tears began to form in my eyes as a reaction to both the pain and the entire situation. My father only glanced at me with anger still taking over his features as he walked out of the room._

 _"No crying," he said. "You're ten years old, not two."_

* * *

 _"You're fourteen," Al said, as we stood on the side of the bridge together. "There's still plenty of time for things to get better, you know."_

 _I looked over the edge at the water below us. It flowed smoothly, undisturbed. I wondered exactly how much space there was between the water and the bridge. How dangerous it would be if I jumped over the edge right now._

 _"I don't know about all that," I shrugged. I looked at him, and he looked back at me. "But I don't know how it could get much worse either."_

 _He chuckled lightly and shook his head before looking down at the water again._

 _"You think Caleb will be wanting you home soon?"_

 _"I don't know," I said. "We haven't spoken much since the funeral."_

 _"I'm sorry," he said._

 _I shrugged my shoulders at him. "It doesn't matter."_

 _He didn't say anything for a moment, but I could feel his eyes on me. I could also feel the light breeze pushing against me, almost as if it was trying to pull me to the water. For a moment, I considered giving in._

 _"You know, Tris, I know things seem pretty shitty right now," he said. "But we're still young. Things will get better. For both of us. You just have to hold onto life and let it happen."_

* * *

 _"You good?"_

 _I looked up, wiping the tears off of my cheeks. A pretty girl with short, dark hair and red lipstick ducked under the bleachers and sat down in the grass next to me. I stared at her, as she pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of her purse. She put the cigarette in her mouth, lit the end, and put the pack and lighter back in her bag all before looking at me expectantly._

 _"I'm fine," I croaked._

 _"Obviously," she snorted. "I always cry when I'm fine."_

 _I stared at her, taken aback by her attitude. She took a long drag before flicking off the end of the cigarette and looking at me again._

 _"What's your name?" she asked._

 _"Tris," I said._

 _"I'm Christina." I nodded my head silently, and she never looked away from me. After a moment, she nudged my shoulder. "Want some?"_

 _I bit down on my lip, as she held out her cigarette for me. I stared at it, as the scent of the smoke filled my nostrils. I had always been taught that smoking was a bad habit. Addictive, dangerous, unhealthy._

 _"I know what you're thinking; it's bad for you," she said, and I found myself wondering if she really was reading my mind. "But trust me there are worse things. But_ this _can help with whatever you've got. I swear, it makes the pain go away."_

 _"Just like that?"_

 _"Just like that." She smirked at me. "You can sit there hurting, or you can try it. Your choice."_

 _She looked away and brought the cigarette to her lips again, taking a long drag. Every logical part of me knew that it was wrong. But every other part of me screamed for a break from the pain, and that was exactly what she was offering. I held out my hand, and she raised an eyebrow at me._

 _"Yeah, girl?" she asked with a smirk._

 _"Just this once," I said._

* * *

 _I scurried into the alley, fumbling with the pack of cigarettes in my hand. Tears were forming in my eyes, and all I wanted was to feel the cigarette on my lips. I was convinced that it would make everything okay again._

 _I had just found out that Peter was selling drugs for Eric. I was already ashamed of myself for ending up in this relationship. I already felt trapped, like a defenseless insect in Peter's web. This just felt like the final straw._

 _"Where the hell do you think you're going?"_

 _I spun around, as Peter's voice reached my ears. I stood, frozen in my spot, as he trudged in my direction, glaring at me the entire time._

 _"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked without thinking._

 _He raised an eyebrow, as he came to a stop in fro_ _nt of me. He seemed taken aback by my sudden courage, but for some unknown reason, he didn't hit me for it._

 _"Why?" he smirked a bit, though the hateful glare remained in his eyes. "Would you have left if you knew?"_

 _"Yes," I blurted out._ _The smirk disappeared from his face, and I felt a shiver go down my spine. "As a matter of fact, I plan on leaving right now!"_

 _There was nothing for just one second. And that one second felt like the calm before the storm. In that one second, I had hope that maybe I could finally get away from him. Maybe things would get better after all._

 _But then, that one second passed._

 _And suddenly, I felt pain in my back, as he pushed me against the brick wall of the alley and held me there, his face just inches from mine. I cried out in pain at the impact, but he didn't let up._

 _"You're not going anywhere, bitch," he muttered. "If I let you leave, you might go and rat us out, and I couldn't let that happen, could I?"_

 _"You can't make me stay," I cried._

 _"Watch me," he growled._

 _I cried out again, as he pushed me to the ground. The pack of cigarettes fell from my hand, and I watched him step on it, crushing it with his shoe, as he took a step closer to me. He crouched down, still glaring at me, and I just laid there, waiting for him to strike me._

 _"If you leave, Tris," he said slowly, as if he was talking to a child, "if you tell anyone about this, you're dead. You can choose who gets to do the honors- Eric or me. Either way, I promise you, we will kill you. We will kill Christina and Caleb and anyone else who's stupid enough to give a shit about you."_

* * *

 _It was a brand new experience to be sent to my room by my brother. He did it because I came home smelling like cigarettes again. I knew that it was wrong, but the cigarettes were the only thing that helped._

 _Ironically, ever since I unwillingly agreed to stay with Peter, he was normally the one that would supply me with 100s. Which I then used to cope with the stress of being with him. But I couldn't explain that to Caleb._

 _I hugged my knees into my chest and rested my forehead on my knees. In that moment, I found myself thinking of Al. He spent so much time trying to convince me that things would get better, that there were so many reasons to hold on. But then he jumped._

 _What did that mean for me?_

 _I felt so selfish for thinking like that, but it was all I could do. My parents were dead. My brother hated everything that I had become. I was trapped in an abusive relationship with a drug dealer._

 _"It doesn't get better," I whispered into my knees. "It doesn't get better."_

 _Suddenly, it was as if everything that I had been trying to hold in came crashing down on me all at once. Tears streamed down my cheeks, as sobs racked through my body. I held my hand over my mouth so that Caleb wouldn't hear me._

 _It seemed that that was a new theme in my life. Appearing stone-faced in front of others, then breaking down when I was alone. It seemed to become more painful each time, and the cigarettes weren't killing the pain the way they used to. I knew that there was no way out of the situation I was in. So I reasoned that the only thing I could do was find something else to take the pain away._

 _I lifted my head and reached for the bottom drawer of my bedside table. I reached in and searched blindly until I felt it._

 _Some time ago, I had hidden one of the kitchen knives in my drawer. At the time that I had taken it, I was too afraid to do what I had planned to do with it. But now, the urge was stronger than ever._

 _I needed the pain to go away. I brought the knife to my wrist and closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes again, I watched the blood drip from my wrist for the very first time._

 _All I could think over and over again was,_ It doesn't get better.

* * *

"Tris?"

I look up, and it is only then that I realize that I had been sitting with my face in my hands and tears on my cheeks. It is only then that I realize that the sky is much darker than before, and my body is beginning to shiver. Tobias stares down at me, obviously concerned.

"Hey," I croak.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks, reaching out a hand for me. "It's freezing, you're gonna get sick."

I take his hand, and he helps me stand up. With his other hand, he wipes my face, the material of his gloves collecting the tears. As soon as he finished, I wrap my arms around his neck. He hesitates for a moment, as if he is confused, before he returns the embrace. For quite a while, he says nothing, and neither do I.

I remember exactly how it felt to lose hope completely. To really genuinely believe that things would never be okay. But I realize that ever since he came into my life, things have been so different.

I've quit smoking, I've stopped hurting myself, I've graduated both high school and college, I've gotten married, and so much more that I never thought would be possible for me. Now, it's possible that I am going to start my own family with him as well.

Just as the thought enters my mind, he brings one of his hands to my swollen stomach and pulls away enough so that he can look at me.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

Ever since I found out about the pregnancy, I have been worrying about the risk. I have been afraid of something that may or may not happen. I allowed my fear to cover my eyes. I allowed myself to completely forget how amazing things have been. How amazing he has been. And now, I find myself thinking that if something really does happen to me when it is time to give birth, then I may as well appreciate the good things in my life while I still can.

"I'm fine," I tell him.

He doesn't say anything, as I lean into him and press my lips to his. Just wanting to feel the familiar sense of security that only he can give me. I shiver from the cold, and his arms tighten around me automatically.

He promised that he would always protect me. What makes it truly amazing is that he has held true to that promise in big ways and small. Not only has he saved my life more than once, he has made my life worth living. And no matter how much time I have left, I have faith that he will make every second even better than the last.

"Why don't we go inside?" he asks once we have separated.

I bite my lip and nod my head at him. As we walk, hand-in-hand, I look up at him, and I can't help the smile that forms on my lips.

 _It does get better,_ is all I can think. _It does get better._


	55. Chapter 55

**Well hello! Happy holidays to all. I hope they're going well, and you have a great transition into the new year! I know this time of year can be tough for a lot of people, but I believe in you all and I'm here for you all.**

 **Thank you to XxTanya46GreyswordxX, Morgan Lovegood, It'sHardIKnow, notalways0kay, velosewer, Naruisawesome, Sawyerrr, Bravery4664, Guest, Guest, mlwil, Brokenwings35, and IAmDivergent246 for your feedback, I really appreciate it!**

 **I wanted to reply to Bravery4664 specifically- I appreciated the idea that you gave me, however the reason I didn't do one with good memories as well is because this entire story is a collage of the good memories. Because of where I started this story, you didn't get to actually see much of Tris' past which is why I utilized flashbacks so much. However this entire story was meant to show how much better things can get. You've already seen the good times- there'd be no point in repeating them. But I appreciate your concern and that you were willing to help me out with the story, and I wanted you to know that.**

 **Well that's enough out of me. I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

The first thing that Tobias did when we got to the apartment was sit me down and drape a throw blanket around my shoulders. Then, he told me to wait here while he went to get me tea to warm me up more. So, now, I am sitting in the same spot that he left me and staring at the wall opposite me.

Before he left for the kitchen, Tobias said something that made my heart sink. He told me that I scared the shit out of him. That he doesn't want to find me sitting out in the cold anymore. When I saw the pain in his eyes as he spoke, I immediately understood what he meant.

He was thinking of the first time that he found me sitting out in the cold. The night that I planned to end myself by freezing to death. I know that it still hurts him to think about that night. But I can't help but feel grateful that he was there. That he knew me well enough to find me in time.

But I know he doesn't look at it that way. He told me once that he thinks of that night as the night that he almost lost everything. He doesn't see it as a silver lining like I do. He doesn't like to think about it. And that's exactly what I made him do today.

I look up, as he walks back into the living room with the cup of tea in his hand. He places it down on the coffee table and sits down next to me on the couch before his eyes finally meet mine. He reaches up and tugs on either end of the throw blanket so that it is wrapped more tightly around my shoulders. He wraps one of his arms around my shoulders, drawing me a bit closer to him, and his other hand moves unconsciously to rest on my swollen stomach.

"Are you warming up?" he asks.

"Yeah," I croak. I clear my throat, and he looks at me wordlessly. "Tobias, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think about-"

"Let's not talk about it."

"But I want to." For a moment, it looks like he is going to say something. But instead, he lets out a sigh and looks down. "Do you want to know why I was sitting out there?"

" _That_ I would like to know, yes," he mutters, looking back up at me.

"I was thinking," I say simply.

"About?"

"Everything. You, my parents, Christina, Al, Peter..." I notice him stiffen up a bit as soon as I say Peter's name, so I use my hand to cover his, which is still resting on my stomach, and he relaxes just a bit. "You were there for me through so much, Tobias. But there were so many times before I met you that I almost gave up hope, and..."

I force myself to look up, and I see a familiar sadness in his eyes. I shake my head, as I feel myself starting to get choked up. He strokes my stomach with his thumb.

"Tris, you don't have to talk about this," he says quietly.

I let out a shaky breath. I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Damn hormones.

"No, I want to." He says nothing, so I continue. "My life was miserable, and I wanted out so bad. I never believed that things could ever get better. I was so afraid that life would always hurt. But then, I realized that life didn't hurt so much when I was around you."

He smiles just the slightest bit, and I bite my lip, as the tears threaten to spill over. He must notice because he brings his hand up to my cheek briefly.

"You helped me change everything," I say. "And when I was sitting out there, thinking about all these terrible things that happened in the past, it just made me realize how different everything is now. I mean, I never thought my life would be like this.

"I never imagined myself falling in love and going to college and getting married and starting a family. Tobias, I'm so scared of what's going to happen. I know that this is risky, and I know that anything could happen. But you know what?"

"What?" he asks quietly, staring at me, as if he is hanging off of each word that leaves my lips.

"Whatever happens, Tobias..." I bring my hand up to his cheek, and it is only then that I notice that his eyes are glassy like mine. "I don't care about the bad things, and I don't regret anything. I'm just so happy that I found you. And no matter what happens, I want you to remember that I love you."

There is silence for a moment. I bite my lip, as I force myself to meet his eyes, and I can't help but feel a little guilty when I see the pained look in his eyes. But before I can say anything, he wraps both of his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. I close my eyes, as he buries his face in my hair, his hands clutching onto me as if I will disappear if he eases up.

And if it weren't for these goddamn hormones, I would be able to enjoy this moment quietly. But instead, I end up with tears running down my face, as he holds onto me for what feels like hours.

When he finally pulls away to look at me, he brings his hand up to my face and wipes my tears away with his thumb. When he is done, he just looks at me for a moment. And before I can figure out what the look means, he leans into me and kisses my lips softly, and I let him.

Because after all of the stress and tension I have been facing lately, kissing him like this feels like a temporary escape from reality. It makes me realize just how much I've distanced myself from him, how much I've shut him out. He seems to be thinking the same thing; the kiss becomes more and more intensified by the second.

We only pull away when we both need air. Still, he rests his forehead on mine and strokes my cheek with his thumb. I close my eyes, trying to take in everything about this moment that I can. After all, I don't know what is going to happen. But if my time is limited, then I need to put my all into every moment.

"I don't want to think about what's going to happen," he says. "I just want to enjoy whatever time I have left with you, no matter how long or short."

"Me too," I whisper.

A shiver goes down my spine, as he moves his hand to cover my jaw. He nose touches to mine. His lips are so close to mine that I can feel them hovering over mine.

Before he closes the space, he says, "Then let's start now."

* * *

"This is _so_ unfair!" Christina groans, as she looks at herself in the mirror.

She turns and looks right at me. Of course. I'm her maid of honor, which basically means that everything that goes wrong today is my fault. I roll my eyes, as I worry over her white dress to make sure it is sitting perfectly on her.

Ever since she put on the dress, she has been complaining endlessly about the fact that she is eight months pregnant on her wedding day. She has even called herself a whale on about five separate occasions. And Rose certainly isn't helping, since she just keeps laughing at her sister's whining. We have given up trying to convince her that she looks fine. Instead, we have been trying to find a way to maneuver her dress so that her stomach doesn't show as much. Without success.

As Christina continues to rant about her appearance, her mother moves to stand in front of her and starts trying to calm her down. While her attention is off of me, I sneak out of the room and press my back against the wall. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I love Christina, and I'm glad that I'm her maid of honor. But right now- while we are both dealing with stress _and_ hormones- it feels like we are constantly at each other's throats. I know that that will be over as soon as the wedding is over, but I still need a break from her so that I don't blow up on her.

"Well, hello there."

I open my eyes. In front of me stands a smiling Amar with George by his side. I smile back at them, as they move to stand in front of me.

"Amar, George." I nod at him. "It's good to see you guys."

"You too," George says. He gestures briefly toward my stomach. "You look great. How far along are you?"

"Six," I tell him. "And my best friend, the bride, is eight. Which is why I'm out here taking a breath."

"I don't blame you," he chuckles.

"Is Four still with Uriah?" I ask.

"He is, but don't worry, he told me he'd rather be with you," Amar replies, and I let out a laugh. "After all, the groom isn't doing much better."

"What's he got to be nervous about?"

"That is the question, isn't it?"

I shrug my shoulders wordlessly, as the two of them look around and start making comments about the artwork here and the designs of the building there. I look down at their interlocked hands, and I can't help but smile a little.

"Is it finally official, then?" I ask bluntly. George chuckles, as Amar gives me a look, and I just grin back at him. "You gave me a hard time. Now it's my turn."

"Yes, it is official," he sighs. He looks at George and smiles again. "We certainly have Tori to thank."

"And me," I smirk. "I believe you met at _my_ wedding."

Amar rolls his eyes, as George laughs again.

"You ought to take it easy on me," Amar says. "After all those times that I let you and Four use the gym when you weren't even really using the gym."

"Touche."

"Tris!" I turn around and see Rose standing half-out of Christina's room. "Bridezilla wants you!"

"Stop calling me that!" I hear Christina yell from inside the room.

I roll my eyes and excuse myself quickly before following Rose into the room. When I get in, Christina is standing in front of the mirror just like I left her with her arms crossed over her chest. Her mother, Rose, and Myra are all sitting together on the other side of the room. Myra looks positively drained since she is the one who was working the hardest to try to alter Christina's dress. I saunter over to Christina until I am standing right next to her, and our eyes meet through the mirror.

"Still fussing?"

"No." She rolls her eyes. "There's nothing I can do."

"You still look beautiful, you know."

"Pfft." She sighs, as she smooths down her dress again. "It just sucks."

"Well, stop fussing with it-"

"No, not that," she says. "I've been looking forward to my wedding day for years. I wanted everything to be perfect. But now that it's actually happening, I have to look... like this."

Finally, she looks over her shoulder at me. I can't help but feel bad for her when I see the genuine sadness in her eyes.

"Chris, nothing is ever perfect," I say. "But hey, your friends and family are here. Your dress is beautiful. You're in love with the groom."

"I am," she says, smiling just the slightest bit.

"You can't have perfection. But I'd say you got pretty damn close, wouldn't you?"

She chuckles lightly and looks at herself in the mirror again. There is silence for a moment except for the sound of the other girls murmuring amongst themselves on the other side of the room. Eventually, she nods her head and takes a deep breath.

"You're right." She smiles at me, and I return it immediately. "This is the most almost-perfect day ever."

* * *

Zeke, Shauna, Tobias and I were all placed at the same table. While the rest of the table goes to dance, the four of us stay. Me because I'm- as Tobias said- "too pregnant to dance." Shauna because she doesn't want to try to maneuver around everyone in her wheelchair. And the boys because they wanted to stay with us. Though eventually, they both leave to go get a drink from the bartender, leaving Shauna and I to make small talk while we watch everyone else milling around.

"Can you believe it?" she sighs. "We're all married. The only one left is Myra."

"What? What about Lynn?" I ask. Shauna simply shrugs at this. "Where has she been anyway? I haven't seen her in ages."

"You know about as much as me," she says, a hint of annoyance in her tone. "She barely talks to me, Hector, or my mom anymore. She just took off. She moved to Ohio for work, and we've barely heard from her since."

"I'm sorry."

"What can you do?" She shrugs again. "Whatever. I'm just glad to have all you guys around. I'm closer to you guys by now, anyway."

I nod at her, but I say nothing. I look around at everyone, as she takes a sip of the glass of water that was in front of her. When she puts the glass down, she looks at me, a small smile reappearing on her lips.

"In fact, I have something to tell you," she says. "I was going to wait, but I think I can trust you with this. Just don't tell anyone else."

"Of course," I reply.

"Okay, well..." She leans a little closer to me even though there isn't really anyone close enough to overhear. "Well, you know, because of the paralysis, Zeke doesn't want to risk trying for kids or anything. But I've always wanted kids, and he wants kids too, so we've decided... We're going to adopt!"

She grins happily, and I can't help but smile back at her.

"That's great!" I say, as she giggles happily. "When are you guys gonna start looking?"

"We already have," she nearly whispers. "Actually, that's why I'm telling you."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well... I know that this is a lot to ask." Her fingers worry over her glass for a moment, as she takes a deep breath. "But we'd really like you and Four to be the godparents. That's why I wanted you to know first."

She looks at me hopefully, but for a moment I say nothing. My first thought is that I may not be able to fulfill her wish. After all, I have no idea what is going to happen in a few months when it is time for me to give birth. But I also realize, as I look at the hopefulness in her eyes, that I don't have it in me to bring her down with this. I know that Four has only briefly told Zeke that there is a possibility of complications. But I don't think either of them know the full extent of it. So, instead of telling her something that I know will make her feel pity for me, I smile back at her and nod my head.

"We'd be honored," I say.

"Speaking for Four?" she grins.

"We're already the godparents for Chris and Uri." I shrug. "What's one more?"

She giggles, and I smile back at her, hoping that she can't see how conflicted I really am. But it seems that I am hiding it well, since she spends the next few minutes going on and on about the adoption process until the boys get back. When they sit down on either side of us, Shauna looks away as Zeke hands her a drink, so I take the opportunity to look around at Tobias. He is smiling slightly, but it disappears as soon as his eyes meet mine. He really can read me like a book.

"Are you all right?" he asks quietly so Shauna and Zeke won't here.

"I'm fine," I say.

I turn back to Shauna and Zeke before he can say anything else, but I can still feel his eyes on me. They seem to stay on me for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

"You know what?" I say, as we plop down on the hotel room bed.

"What?" Christina asks.

"That was _awesome._ " She giggles at this. "I'm serious, I never really looked forward to my wedding like you used to, but tonight was the best night ever!"

"Better than girls' nights?" she asks with a smirk.

"Way better!"

She chuckles, as I wrap one arm around her shoulders and place a kiss on top of her head. She rests her head on my shoulder, and for a moment we just sit there quietly, as if we are both enjoying the moment. When I look down at her, I almost laugh at how nervous I was earlier today. Of course, now I realize there was nothing to be nervous about. I love her, and she loves me. And though tonight was a little tiring, since we had to make time to interact with all of our friends and family, every second was great. I can't help but think how lucky I am.

"Why are you so quiet?" she asks suddenly.

"I could ask you the same thing," I say teasingly. "You never stop talking."

"Neither do you!"

"Well, I just did!"

"So did I!" She sits up and pushes me playfully, and I grin back at her. "What?"

"Nothing." I shrug. "I don't know why you were so worried."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"Well, you look beautiful," I say, making her smile back at me. "From what I heard, you were acting like you looked like a fucking monster."

"It wasn't that bad." She rolls her eyes before looking down at her stomach. "I just never imagined having my wedding day like... this."

"You still look beautiful regardless. Plus," I pat her stomach lightly, "this just means that junior Christina or Uriah got to join us for the wedding!"

She rolls her eyes and laughs a little, as she looks back up at me.

"Those are not the names we picked," she says.

"Well, they should be." She shakes her head at me. "Either way, I just feel lucky that tonight happened at all. I mean, you're my best friend."

"And you're mine," she says, nudging her shoulder against mine.

I grin at her, as she leans up to kiss me, and I lower my head to meet her. I know that tonight didn't go exactly as she planned, but to me it was perfect anyway.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"Why do they keep picking us?" I mutter, as I walk back into the living room.

Tris rolls her eyes, as she leans back on the couch. I hand her the carton of ice cream and sit down next to her. She doesn't say anything, as she opens it and picks up a spoonful. She holds the spoon up to me, offering me the first bite, but I shake my head at her. She shrugs and puts it in her mouth instead and swallows the first bite before she finally speaks.

"I guess it's because you're so gentle and loving," she says dryly.

"Tris."

"Low blow?" She smirks, and I give her a look to make her stop. "Look, I don't know. But I didn't want to say no."

I let out a sigh, as I pull her legs into my lap and lean back so that I am looking up at the ceiling. My first thought when she told me that she accepted Shauna's offer was her selflessness. She is more selfless than she realizes. She offers her help even when it is impossible for her to do so. In this situation specifically, as much as it pains me, she doesn't know if she will even be around for Shauna's child. But I didn't want to say that to her. Not now, when she is finally happy again and finally thinking positive. I don't want to bring her down again, but it also frustrates me that she is making a promise that she isn't even sure she can keep.

"Tobias?" I turn my head to look at her, and she stares back at me. "Are you really mad at me?"

I sit up and run my hand over her leg. I look down at her legs, as my hands move, but I still feel her looking at me expectantly.

"I'm not mad at you," I say.

"I'm not stupid," she mutters.

"Tris, don't do this." I finally meet her eyes for just a moment before she looks down at the ice cream again. "I'm not mad at you. I'm worried about you."

I move closer to her, and she looks up at me through her lashes. I take the ice cream out of her hands and take her now cold hand in mine.

"I'm not worried," she says, though she doesn't seem fully convinced. "The more I have to live for, the more likely I am to live."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I have you," she says, stroking my hand. "Now, I have Christina and Uriah and Shauna and Zeke _and_ their kids. I think that when the time comes, if I need to fight for my life, I'll do better if I have more to fight for."

"And you really think you're not selfless," I mutter. She rolls her eyes. "You're stubborn as hell, you know."

"Gee, thanks," she says sarcastically.

"I mean it as a good thing," I say. "Use it. When it comes time to fight for your life, I want you to fight like hell."

She smiles just the slightest bit, though I can see a little sadness in her eyes as well. I watch her wordlessly, as she bites her lip and nods her head slowly.

"I will."

* * *

I am suddenly taken from my sleep when I feel Tris shaking my arm. The room is completely dark, and I find it hard to open my eyes. I let out a groan, and she starts pushing me harder.

"Tobias!" Suddenly, I feel wide awake when I hear the urgency in her tone. "Tobias, wake up!"

I sit up as quickly as I can. Tris is standing over me, one of her hands resting on her stomach, and a pained expression on her face. I start pushing myself out of bed as fast as I can. She groans, as her free hand clutches onto my arm.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

"My water broke," she cries. "I think I'm having contractions."

I stare at her, shocked for a moment, before I force myself to respond.

"That's impossible, you're only seven months-"

"I know how far along I am," she snaps. "I'm telling you, it's happening now. We need to go."

"I... All right," I sputter. "Okay, let's go."

She groans in pain again, as I wrap my arm around her to help her walk. I would pick her up and carry her if I wasn't afraid of hurting her even more. As we walk, I look down at her briefly. Her face is contorted in pain, and there are tears running down her cheeks. Adrenaline seems to be coursing through me. Which is good. If it wasn't, I would probably just be a nervous wreck right now.

I suppose it is a good thing this is happening in the middle of the night. Because by the time I get her in the car, my adrenaline pushes me to drive faster than I've ever driven before, to get her to the hospital as quickly as humanly possible. Luckily, there are barely any cars on the road, so that doesn't prove to be a problem.

The entire time that I drive and even when we get to the hospital, everything seems to be a blur. I can barely focus on any one thing. I can't remember where I parked the car or how I got her into the hospital. I can't focus on the hospital workers or the questions they are asking me, yet I find myself somehow answering all of them anyway. I'm not even sure how we ended up in this hospital room. I don't remember anything that led up to this moment.

I'm only taken from my haze when I feel Tris' hand grab onto mine, almost frantically. I look down at her, and everything seems to collapse on me at once. I feel tears form in my eyes, as I watch them fall down her cheeks. The look of pain on her face makes me want to take her pain instead so that she doesn't have to deal with it.

"Tobias, I can't do this," she cries.

"Come on, Tris, if anyone can do this, it's you," I tell her, amazed that I sound so calm despite everything that's going on in my head. "You're going to be okay, I promise. It's going to be okay."

She groans in pain, and I just watch her. My heart is breaking more and more by the second. And when she looks up at me, when I see the exhaustion in her eyes, I finally realize why.

I wasn't thinking straight before. I knew that she was only seven months pregnant but that fact didn't fully hit me until now. Only seven months. That means that anything can happen. That means that there is a risk of losing not only her, but the baby too.

And just like that, my heart seems to split in half at the thought. Once again, my mind seems to block out the hospital workers around us and the sounds of the hospital machinery. Instead, I look at her. Only at her.

The only girl that I have ever loved. The only one that could make me feel as much as I am feeling right now. She looks up at me again, and I tell her one more time.

"Fight like hell, Tris."

For me.


	56. Chapter 56

**UGH. Short chapter. I am sorry. Super short, but better than nothing, right? Hopefully. I've just been dealing with a lot of ish lately, so by the time I actually have time to write, I'm just so drained. But I wanted to put this out because I've been putting you guys through a lot of cliffhangers lately haha.**

 **So, after this, there will either be ONE or TWO more chapters, but I haven't decided yet.**

 **Anyway, big thank you to yanb, parten340, Book-lover11189, It'sHardIKnow, Morgan Lovegood, BeatriceEaton46, velosewer, SamanthaEatonSchreave, XxTanya46GreyswordxX, LazyLittleLlama677, Jojoboo90, kathyb, and Bravery4664. I appreciate your kind words. You guys have kept me going this whole time!**

 **Well, I'm super nervous posting this chapter, but here goes I guess. L** **et me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Time has never moved so slowly. It has only been a few hours, but it feels like we have been here for days already. She has been holding my hand so tightly, for so long, that I seem to have lost feeling in it. I wouldn't be surprised if she broke it, but I wouldn't dare say anything about that, not when she is clearly in far more pain. In fact, I'm afraid that I might lose my mind from listening to her screams of pain for all this time. I find myself speaking words of encouragement in an unconscious effort to keep my own sanity, but I'm not even sure if she is listening or not.

She squeezes my hand the entire time, as she groans and yells out in pain. I can tell by the sound that her throat is getting raw. It makes me wonder how she hasn't lost her voice by now. She closes her eyes. There is a light sheen of sweat on her face, which has mixed with the tears streaming from her eyes.

"Come on, Tris," I say, more to myself I realize. "You're so close. You can do this."

But it seems that she heard me this time. She opens her eyes and looks at me, her face still contorted in pain.

"I can't do it anymore," she cries.

Before I can say anything in response, the doctor speaks.

"You're closer than you think," he pipes in a little too happily. "Just a few more pushes."

"You said that like two fucking hours ago," Tris mutters, squeezing her eyes shut.

To which the doctor does not reply.

She groans and shakes her head, still breathing heavily from exhaustion. I stare down at her, as the doctor continues to give instructions that she doesn't seem to be listening to. Worry starts to take over me, as I watch her energy fade away. My chest is tight with fear. I find myself wishing that it was me instead- that I was the one in danger, the one in pain. I find myself so utterly terrified of losing her that even just the thought of it leaves me paralyzed with fear until one of her pained noises brings me back to reality.

This is not the first time that I have faced the threat of losing her, but it is by far the most nerve-wracking.

I remember the pain that I felt when she was in a coma and nobody knew if she was going to wake up or not. I remember how I fell apart, how I gave up. As I stare down at her, I realize that if I were to lose her now, the loss would only be intensified by the pregnancy either way. If something happens to the baby as well, I don't think I could live with both of their losses. Still, if the baby survives and she does not, I could never look at my own child without thinking about the pain that I felt from losing her.

It all comes to one final conclusion. I just have to hope, pray, that she makes it. I can't lose her.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Of all the pain that I've experienced, nothing matches up to this. I've been shot. I've been fucking shot, and this still hurts more.

I am beyond caring what I sound or look like. I feel as if I have been pushing for hours and hours, and it makes me wonder if it is ever going to stop. I can feel my energy draining quickly.

And though my mind is muddled with exhaustion, I still know better than to say this out loud: I feel like I am dying.

I know that if I said it out loud, it would only scare Tobias. He already looks frightened enough to begin with, as he stares down at me. He keeps trying to talk me through it, but I'm in so much pain that I can barely understand what he is saying.

I open my eyes and look right at him. I am afraid that if I close my eyes, they won't open again. I squeeze his hand even harder, if that was even possible. He winces in pain, but he says nothing about it. Instead, he continues to spout out words of encouragement.

He starts to look blurry, but I am not sure if it is because I am losing consciousness or because my eyes are clouded with tears. I'm too tired to figure out which it is.

"Just one more big push," I hear the doctor say yet again.

 _Liar._

I finally let my eyes close, and I realize that I was right: I do not have it in me to open them again. Tobias' voice reaches my ears. I remember that he told me to fight.

I remember all the times he encouraged me to be brave. I remember how much he has helped me. He has always been there for me. He has always done everything in his power to make me happy. And I realize that no matter what happens to me, I can't let him down now. No matter what happens to me, the baby needs to survive.

"One more big push," the doctor repeats, as if he is pleading with me.

I squeeze my eyes shut and cry out, as I follow his command. For a moment, I think that he has lied to me again, that I still have hours of pushing ahead of me. But then, I feel it. Relief washes over my entire body, as the pain begins to subside. It is so drastic that every tense muscle in my body seems to collapse.

I can hear the sound of crying, and I hear the doctor's voice. But I still can't seem to open my eyes. I hear Tobias saying my name, but it is not until I feel his hand on my cheek that I force my eyelids to open. How odd, that I was able to give birth, yet now simply opening my eyes feels like such a feat.

"Tris, look," Tobias whispers, his face close to mine as he strokes my cheek. "You did it, look."

My eyes shift to the doctor, as he comes closer to us with a pink bundle in his arms. It is squirming, crying. I feel a tired smile form on my face, as he hands her to us.

Our baby. I am holding our baby.

"You did it," Tobias says, as we both stare down at her together.

My heart swells, as I watch her. Suddenly, my exhaustion doesn't matter. The pain doesn't matter. We made it, we both made it. It was all worth it. She was always worth it.

* * *

Because she was born so early, the baby needs to be kept in the NICU. Her lungs are not fully developed yet, so they will need to keep her on a ventilator. However, they told us that her chances of survival are high.

I thought it made sense. An underdog born to two others. I have faith that she will pull through, that she will be a fighter just like us.

We decided to name her Hope. It just seemed fitting. We would not have made it to where we are today without hope. And now, we need to keep hope for the future. That our baby will be able to come home soon.

Now, Tobias and I are laying together in my hospital bed. Hope was taken to the NICU, and Tobias texted Tori and Amar. Both said that they would be over soon. But for now, it is just us. He puts his arm around me, and I move in closer to him until we are pressed together. He looks down at me and smiles when our eyes meet. He brushes my hair back and rests his hand on my cheek.

"I'm so proud of you," he says quietly.

"Really?" I ask.

"Of course." I smile back at him, as he rests his forehead on mine. "I know you were scared, but you did it anyway. You made it."

"I guess you can't get rid of me that easily."

He chuckles lightly, and I bite my lip at the sound. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is just as relieved as I am that I made it through this. In fact, laying here and talking about this feels like the calm after an intense storm.

We look up, as we hear the door open. In walk Tori, Amar, and George all with smiles on their faces. Tobias and I sit up, as they surround my bed. George and Amar sit down while Tori leans down to hug me briefly before sitting down on the opposite side of the bed.

"I can't believe it," Tori says, still smiling at me. "You really did it."

"And now we're grandparents," Amar smirks.

"Isn't that a slap in the face?" George pipes in.

"Tris, what are you doing to me? I'm too young to be a grandma!"

"Well," George says. "Hate to break it to you, Tor, but you're already-"

"Shut it, George! I'm twenty one."

Tobias snorts next to me, earning a playful glare from Tori.

"Well, I'm glad you're all using my baby as an excuse to have a mid-life crisis," I say.

"Not all of us; just Tori," George says before he becomes more serious. "But seriously, congratulations to you both."

"Congratulations, Beauty and Beast," Amar chimes in, making Tobias roll his eyes.

"Congratulations," Tori says, taking my hand in hers. "I know you guys were scared, but it must be a great feeling now that it's all over."

"Better than great," I say, looking up at Tobias. He smiles back at me, and I almost forget that there are other people in the room. "It's indescribable."

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

Ironically, the day that I went into labor was the day that Tris and Four were finally allowed to take their baby home. We visited periodically, and even when we weren't around, Tris kept me updated through texts and calls. Apparently, Hope recovered at a good pace, and her lungs have developed. Tris told me that she would come to the hospital to visit me soon, but she wanted to take Hope home first and spend some time getting acclimated first, and I completely understood.

After all, I didn't mind having some alone time with my boys.

I smile down at the blue bundle in my arms, as Uriah sits next to me with his arm around my shoulders.

"Look at that," he says, and I can just hear him smiling. He gently pokes the baby's nose. "He's got my nose!"

"He does look a lot like you," I say.

"That's how I know he's actually mine!"

I elbow him as much as I can without disturbing the baby, and he chuckles. Neither of us say anything, as we watch the baby. He moves around a bit, but his eyes are only half open, as if he is falling asleep in my arms.

"I think it's time to name him, Uri."

"Yes, ma'am," he says. "Happy birthday, Uriah Junior!"

"Uri." I turn my head to give him a look, and he smirks. "I meant the name we agreed on."

"Fine," he sighs before looking back down at the baby. "Welcome to the world, Lucas."

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

I can't believe this is really happening.

Zeke and I have finally begun the process of adopting a child. A girl. She is ten years old. I felt that it would be easier to adopt a child about that age since I might have a hard time taking care of a baby because of my physical limitations. This just made the most sense.

Besides, we fell in love with her the minute that we met her. She is small compared to other kids her size with dark hair and blue eyes. She was very quiet at first, but the more time we spent with her, the more she spoke to us and even smiled at us. When we told her that we wanted to adopt her, she told us that she never thought anyone would.

In fact, she was still wary of us, as if she was afraid that we would change our minds, until everything was finalized. Once she found out, she smiled more than anything.

I take a deep breath to calm myself, as we go up the elevator to our floor. When the elevator stops and opens, I wheel myself out and down the hall until I reach our apartment. I open the door and wheel myself in, and Zeke walks in and past me with bags of her things in hand. As he places the bags down, I turn to look at the young girl who is still standing in the doorway, looking around at the apartment in awe. I can't help but grin, and when I take her hand in mine, she returns the smile.

"Welcome home, Brynn."


	57. Chapter 57

**GUYS! I have a deal for you guys. This chapter is technically the end. BUT if this story makes it to 600 reviews, I will post a bonus chapter/epilogue as well! (Mostly so that that gives me time to get my shit together lol!)**

 **But no matter what happens, I would just like to say: it has been a hell of a ride. I didn't expect this story to get nearly as popular as it did, and I feel so blessed that I was able to reach you all.**

 **You have no idea how happy it makes me when you guys tell me that this story helped you. That was my goal from the beginning. I thought to myself, if I can get just one person to read this story and see that there is hope for them, then I will have succeeded. But so many of you said that, and that makes me so incredibly happy.**

 **Like I said, this story does reflect some of the things that have happened in my life, and writing this story did help me a lot, too. I haven't quite reached my fairytale ending like Tris, but I have faith that it will happen, just like I have faith that it will happen to you all as well.**

 **Even after this story is over, I want you all to know that I'm still here for you all, I'm just a message away.**

 **Finally, thank you to Book-lover11189, Divergent reader322, XxTanya46GreyswordxX, Morgan Lovegood, velosewer, It'sHardIKnow, lanainwonderland (thank you for the virtual hug!), SraEaton46, Sawyerrr, BeatriceEaton46, Brokenwings35, Bravery4664, Jojoboo90, and mlwil. You guys kept me going, thank you. 3**

 **As always, let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

 _I roll my eyes, as Tris laughs at him. She drops her head on my shoulder, still chuckling, and I wrap my arm around her waist._

 _"What a cute little deranged family," she comments._

 _\- Chapter 31_

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Christina says that Lucas is constantly crying. Luckily, we haven't had the same problem with Hope. In fact, she's been pretty easy to handle, which makes it much easier to constantly remember how lucky we are to have her here.

The first night that we brought her home, I didn't even want to put her to bed. I just sat there, holding her and watching her for so long that I almost fell asleep with her in my arms until Tobias came in and told me that it was time to let her go.

Ever since then, we have been working together to take care of her. Tobias still goes to work during the day. He has to, since I'm on maternity leave now. So, I take care of her by myself during the day, and Tobias helps at night. Tori has also come over a couple of times to help us out, and Christina keeps saying that she really wants Hope and Lucas to have a play date.

That will most likely happen in a few days. Ever since Shauna and Zeke adopted, they decided that it might be better for them to move to a house rather than an apartment. They just recently found one, so Tobias and Uriah decided that they could help them move while Christina and I stay at our place and watch the babies.

Now, I am in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner while Tobias puts Hope down. We will also be moving soon since we currently have Hope sleeping in the same room as us, seeing as there is only one bedroom. We have some options in mind, but we haven't decided on anything yet.

"Done and done."

I look over my shoulder, as Tobias walks into the kitchen. I smile a little, as I look down at the sink again and finish washing the last dish. Once I am done, I dry off my hands on the dish towel and turn around. I lean back against the counter, as he comes closer to me and puts his hands on the counter on either side of me.

"She's so easy," I say. "We got lucky, you know."

"We got very lucky," he says. "In very many ways."

I bite my lip, as he leans into me and rests his forehead on mine.

"Like what?" I ask with a smirk.

He smiles back at me before he closes the space between us and captures my lips. I kiss him back without hesitation, as I wrap my arms around his neck and he puts his arms around my waist, drawing me closer to him.

I immediately realize how much I have missed moments like this. Hope has been easy to care for. Still, we have been focusing so much of our attention on her that we have barely been setting apart any time for just ourselves. Especially since we have Hope sleeping in our bedroom, so we can't really do anything there. She's still young enough that she probably wouldn't understand what we were doing, but I still wouldn't dream of doing that with her in the room anyway.

He brings his lips down to my neck and starts creating a trail of kisses all the way down, and I make a guess that he is thinking the same thing. But I don't question it. I just let out a moan and enjoy the feeling of his lips on my skin and his hands roaming around my body. That is, until he stops and looks me in the eye, his eyes darker than usual.

"Should we take this to the couch?" he asks in a husky tone.

I bite my lip and nod in response.

"Gladly, Eaton," I say.

He chuckles lightly, making me smile as well.

"After you, Mrs. Eaton."

* * *

On Shauna and Zeke's moving day, I decided to drive Tobias over to their apartment since Shauna asked me to watch Brynn while they move everything. I'm not entirely sure why Shauna is staying with them for the moving process since she can't really help very much, but I felt that it'd be rude to ask, so I didn't. I park in front of the apartment building and start taking off my seat belt before Tobias reaches for my hand to stop me.

"What?" I ask.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay watching Hope and Brynn?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine," I say, squeezing his hand. "Christina will be there to help, too."

"I know that, but she'll be more worried about Lucas. Plus, we've never even met Brynn. What if she doesn't listen? Or-"

"Tobias, calm down," I say, unable to hold back a smile. "I doubt Shauna would put us in that situation. Besides, it'll be good practice for when Hope gets to be Brynn's age."

"I guess you're right," he says, also smiling back a little. "We have to prepare for those awkward teen years somehow."

"Brynn is only ten."

"Tomato, to-mah-to."

I roll my eyes, as I let go of his hand and let myself out of the car. He follows after me, and we walk toward the apartment building hand-in-hand. Although there is an elevator, we take the stairs up since we feel a little weird using the elevator knowing that it's meant for people who actually need it. People like Shauna.

When we get to their apartment, I knock on the door, and I immediately hear voices inside. Within seconds, the door swings open, and we are greeted by Zeke's signature grin.

"Four, my main man crush!" He then looks at me and pretends to look disinterested. "And the mistress."

"Always a pleasure, Zeke," I say, rolling my eyes.

He chuckles and steps forward to give me a quick hug before he tells us to come inside. When we get in, I realize that everything is already in boxes. Uriah is sitting on one of the boxes next to a little girl who I can only guess is Brynn while Shauna sits in the middle of the room in her wheelchair. She smiles at us, as we walk in, but she doesn't say anything seeing as Uriah has already flung himself over to us and thrown his arms around me.

"Hi, Trissy!" he calls out excitedly.

"Hey, Uri," I say with a laugh. "I guess Chris is already on her way to my place?"

"Yup! You should probably get going to meet her there. You know she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"I know." I roll my eyes and turn to Shauna, as Uriah goes to greet Tobias. "Guess I'd better get going."

"Well I should think so. You've been here for ages!" I let out a laugh, as she turns her head and gestures for Brynn to come over. She does so, though she looks a little nervous, especially since she immediately places her hands on Shauna's wheelchair before she ventures to meet my eyes. "Brynn, this is your aunt, Tris. You're gonna be spending the day with her."

"Hey, Brynn," I say, smiling at her in the hopes that that will make her less nervous.

"Hi," she replies quietly, still staring up at me with her big blue eyes.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

She nods her head wordlessly, so I gesture for her to follow me, and Shauna smiles.

"Thank you so much for doing this," she says. "Seriously, you're the best."

"Any time. She is my goddaughter, after all."

Her smile falters a bit, but she immediately brings it back and says goodbye to us. I give Tobias a quick kiss goodbye on the way out before we leave the apartment and walk down the stairs together.

"How come we're taking the stairs?" Brynn asks.

I glance back at her and shrug my shoulders.

"Well, I mean, we don't really need the elevator, so I figured we should leave it open for people who do need it."

"Like Shauna?"

I look down at her again, as she is now walking at my side, but she just looks right back at me.

"You call her Shauna?" I ask.

"Well, yeah." She shrugs at this. "She's not really my mom."

I bite my lip, as I find myself unable to think of a response to this. Luckily, we get to the car pretty quickly, so I hope that she will not bring the subject up again. But I have never been very lucky.

"Shauna says you're like me," she says, as she buckles her seat belt.

"What do you mean?"

"She said you were an orphan just like me." I freeze at this, my hand still on the keys, the keys still locked in the ignition before I finally force myself back to reality and start the car. "Were you?"

"I, uhm…" I clear my throat and shake my head a bit. "Yeah, I guess I was."

"She said that you got adopted, too," she continues as if this is a completely normal conversation. "Did you call her 'mom'?"

"No, I guess I didn't," I say slowly. "Not at first anyway."

"So then, it's normal for me to call her Shauna."

There is silence for a moment, as I turn to look at her, and she stares right back at me. I can feel my mind going in a million different directions, and I can feel a million emotions running through me at once. After all, I knew that my parents were gone. But I never thought to label myself as an orphan.

"I guess it is normal," I say. "But I think you just need to give it some time. I think, soon you will see them as your mom and dad. And it's okay to call them that when you're ready."

She seems to consider this for a moment before speaking.

"Shauna got upset because I wouldn't call her 'mom.'"

"Do you want to call her that?" I ask.

"I don't know." She shrugs. "I want a mom, but I barely know her."

"Maybe you should tell her that." She makes a face at me, and I chuckle. "I could tell her."

She looks at me for a moment before she shrugs her shoulders once again and looks out the window. I take that as my cue to start driving. We don't talk much for the rest of the ride, but neither of us seem to mind much.

When we get to the building, I find Christina waiting outside with Lucas in a carrier. As soon as we get out of the car, she immediately stands up, taking Lucas in one hand and her bag in the other, and hurries over to meet us. Once she has said 'hello' to Brynn- a little too excitedly- we head upstairs. As soon as we get inside, I am greeted by the sight of Tori sitting on the couch with Hope in her arms.

"Hello, ladies," she chirps. "Look who just woke up."

"Perfect timing," I say, as I walk over to her.

She hands Hope to me and stands up, straightening her shirt as she does. I sit down in her place, as she smiles down at me.

"Well, I had some errands to run, so I hope you don't mind if I leave now."

"Not at all," I say. "I have Christina."

"All right." She smiles, as she gently strokes the top of Hope's head. "I'm glad I got to spend some time with the munchkin."

"Me, too," I say, smiling back at her. "We'll come visit you again soon, don't worry."

"Sounds good to me."

She leans down to hug me briefly. When she stands back up, she says a quick goodbye to Christina and Brynn before leaving. Christina sits down on the couch with me and takes Lucas out of his carrier. I look up and realize that Brynn is now standing and looking around like she doesn't know what to do. It seems that Christina notices too since she speaks first.

"Hey, Brynn, come here." She looks at Christina hesitantly for a moment before she walks over to us. "My name is Christina."

"She's the crazy aunt," I add.

Christina gives me a look, but I am relieved when I see that the comment made Brynn smile a little.

"Anyway," Christina says, rolling her eyes. "Do you want to turn on the TV?"

"Sure," she says with a shrug.

I point out the remote to her and she picks it up and turns the television on. I tell her which channel the cartoons are on, and she puts it on before she looks over at us again. Only I notice this time since Christina is looking down at Lucas and talking to him quietly. Our eyes meet for a moment before she looks down at Hope. She moves to sit down in front of us on the floor.

"Is that your baby?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say, looking down at her. "Her name is Hope."

"She's cute."

I smile at her and nod in agreement before an idea pops into my head.

"Do you want to hold her?" I ask.

She looks at me, as if she is surprised by the question, before she looks at Hope thoughtfully for a moment.

"Sure," she says quietly.

I can't help but smile a little, as I see a hint of nervousness on Brynn's face, as I slowly hand Hope over to her, making sure her arms are positioned correctly as I go. Once she has Hope in her arms, I look over at Christina to see that she is also smiling down at them. But Brynn doesn't seem to notice since she is just staring down at Hope. After a moment of silence, save for the sound of the television in the background, she looks up at me and smiles.

"She looks like you."

"Thank you," I say, feeling a rush of pride from that simple comment.

"Will I be able to see her sometimes?" Brynn asks almost shyly.

"Of course." I nudge her shoulder. "You're her cousin now."

Her smile widens. Her eyes seem to lock onto mine for a moment before she looks down at Hope again.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"This is the best day ever!" Shauna cries out, as she looks around the house.

I snort, as I watch her look around in awe. I sit down on one of the boxes next to Uriah, since we just got done moving everything in. The house seems perfect for them. It is only one-story, so that things are easier for Shauna. There is a master bedroom for them and a slightly smaller bedroom for Brynn. Shauna couldn't stop going on and on about how Brynn was going to love it when she first saw the room.

"I should probably call Christina soon," Uriah says, as he leans back against the wall. "To check in on things."

"Wow."

He gives me a funny look. "What?"

"It's like you've finally grown up," I say with a smirk.

"Fuck you, man," he says, though he can't help but grin. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I ask.

"Well, you used to act like a freaking robot," he chuckles. "Ever since you got with Tris, you've actually started smiling. I've grown up, and you've become a human!"

I roll my eyes, but I can't help but smile again at the thought. It is amazing to think about how much has changed ever since I met her. She is always talking about how much I changed her life, but I don't think she realizes just how much she changed things for me, too.

Years ago, I was closed off and constantly thinking about the past. I never imagined that anyone would be able to love someone who was broken as badly as me. But then, I met someone who was just as broken, and we found a way to pick up each other's pieces and mend together. Now, everything in my life seems to be falling into place. I have a beautiful wife and child, and I feel closer to my friends than I ever did. It's hard not to smile when I think of all that.

I guess I am becoming a human after all.

* * *

 **Two years later**

* * *

"Tris, did you pack everything already?" I call out.

"It's all set," she yells back from the bedroom.

I pick up the diaper bag as well as the car keys, as I wait for her to come out. I can't help but smile a little, as I look around. A few months after Shauna and Zeke moved, we also moved to a nearby townhouse. Now, we have our own room as well as another room for Hope. Having our own room again has certainly helped Tris and I have more alone time at night.

I force the thought out of my head, as she comes down the stairs with Hope in her arms. As soon as she gets down the stairs, Hope smiles and reaches her hand out for me. I smile back and take her out of Tris' arms. Tris watches with a soft smile on her face, as I place a kiss on Hope's forehead before looking at her again. It amazes me; she looks more and more like her mother every day, and I couldn't be happier.

"Ready?" Tris asks, bringing me back to reality.

"Ready," I say.

We walk outside together, discussing the plan for today. Shauna and Zeke invited everyone over to celebrate Brynn's twelfth birthday. Apparently, Brynn never had a birthday party before they adopted her, so Shauna always wants to make sure everything is perfect. She even decided to have one party for family and one party for her friends on another day just like she did last year.

When we get to the house, I realize that we are most likely the last ones here, since I can hear a multitude of voices inside. I knock on the door since Tris is now busy holding Hope. Moments later, the door swings open, and I find myself looking down at the birthday girl herself.

"Bwynn!" Hope cries out, reaching out for her.

"Hey, cutie!" Brynn grins, waving at her. She then goes to hug both of us separately. "Hi, uncle Four. Hi, auntie Tris."

"Hey, love," Tris says, as she hugs her back as best as she can with Hope in her arms. "Happy birthday!"

Brynn grins in response before gesturing for us to come in. We follow her in, and I place the gift that we got for her on the front table before I follow them into the living room where everyone else is. Everyone being Christina, Uriah, Lucas, Shauna, Zeke, and surprisingly, Hana. As everyone calls out some form of greeting, Hana immediately stands up and walks over to me.

"How long has it been since I've seen you?" she asks with a smile, as she hugs me briefly.

"Quite some time," I say. "It's good to see you again, Hana."

"It's good to see you, too, and so grown up!" She chuckles, as she looks around at Hope who is now on Tris' lap on the couch. "And your little one is getting so big, too!"

"I know," I sigh. "I can't believe how fast it's going."

"Well, take it from someone who's been there. It goes by faster than you think. Make sure to appreciate as much as you can." She lets out a sigh, as she looks at them again briefly. "You have a beautiful family, Tobias. Don't take it for granted."

 _Don't take it for granted._

If only she knew that my heart swells just from looking at the two of them.

"Grandma!" I look around, as Brynn waves at Hana from the doorway. "Can you come here?"

She smiles at me one more time, as she starts to walk away.

"That's my cue," she says.

They both walk into the kitchen together. Once they are out of the room, I sit down on the couch next to Tris.

"Did you hear that?" Shauna says quietly to Tris, a grin on her face. "She calls her 'grandma.' She even calls us 'mom' and 'dad' now, isn't that great?"

"It is," Tris says. "I'm so happy for you guys."

"I'm happy for us, too," Zeke says cheekily.

Tris rolls her eyes, as Shauna laughs at his comment.

When Brynn comes back into the room, she immediately asks to play with the babies. While Christina- who seems to have turned into the overly careful mother- says that she would rather keep Lucas with her, Tris agrees happily and hands Hope over to Brynn.

She grins and holds Hope up so that she is in a standing position. She is still quite shaky, but I'm not worried as long as Brynn is holding her up.

Shauna turns on a music channel, and Brynn grins at Hope playfully.

"Wanna dance, cutie?"

Hope calls out something that slightly resembles the word dance, and Brynn giggles at her.

We watch together as Brynn and Hope dance together. Or rather, as Brynn dances and Hope bounces along with her.

Eventually, Lucas cries out at the sight. We all look at him, as he reaches his hand out toward the girls. Shauna and Zeke immediately start pressuring Christina to let him dance with the girls since "he obviously wants to" and finally, she reluctantly hands him over. Shauna wheels herself over to hold Lucas up in a standing position, and he immediately starts bouncing to the music just like Hope.

"Those two have a lot in common," Christina smirks at Tris. "Could this be the next love connection?"

Tris rolls her eyes, but the smile immediately returns to her face when her eyes land on Hope.

Uriah starts clapping along and yelling "dance off" quite loudly. Tris laughs at him, as I roll my eyes. It is only when she rests her head on my shoulder that I feel the smile return to my face.

I know that I promised her that I would find the words to tell her how much I love her, how much she's changed my life. But I don't think I'm quite there yet. Something tells me she understands. And in moments like this, when we are so close together, I know that she doesn't care if it takes me a lifetime to figure it out. She already knows how lucky we are, with or without words.

Still, I want her to know it. So I say it the only way I know how.

"I love you," I say quietly so only she can hear.

I feel her move to look up at me briefly, and when I look down at her, I feel my heart swell at the soft smile on her face. She replaces her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, Tobias," she says so only I can hear.

We are two broken people. But I certainly don't feel that way when my broken pieces connect with hers.

She laughs, and I feel the movement against my own body, as Uriah starts dancing with the kids. She turns her head just the slightest bit to whisper to me.

"What a cute little deranged family."


	58. Chapter 58

**Hi, beauties! So the overwhelming majority voted on a multi-chapter sequel, so that's what's going to happen!**

 **Instead of posting it in a separate story and confusing people, I'll just be posting it here with the original story. So, without further ado, here is the first sequel chapter!**

 **I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Getting a Master's degree is difficult. Getting a Master's degree with a baby at home was nearly impossible. Still, I managed to do so. I just recently found a job as a counselor at a nearby high school. And as Amar ages, he is also priming Tobias to take over the gym completely when it comes time for him to retire. And on top of all that, Hope will be starting kindergarten tomorrow.

Oddly enough, she went to bed without any trouble, and I am the one that can't sleep because of it. I let out a sigh, as I roll over onto my back and look up at the dark ceiling. I turn my head to look at Tobias who is laying on his side, facing away from me. I reach my hand out to touch his shoulder but before I even get close, he speaks.

"What's the matter, Tris?"

I drop my hand on the bed and let out another sigh, as he rolls over to face me. His arm settles around my waist, and I feel his eyes on me, so I turn my head to look at him as well.

"I can't believe how fast it's going," I say quietly.

He smiles a bit and strokes my waist with his thumb. I roll over onto my side as well so that our faces are only inches apart.

"Me neither," he says. "It seems like just yesterday we were naming her."

"Yeah, and now in a few hours, we're gonna be sending her to her first day of school." I close my eyes, as he leans into me and presses his lips to my forehead. "It's just amazing how much can change in such a short amount of time."

"Funny," he says, his lips brushing against my skin before he pulls back a bit to look at me. "I had the same thought when we started dating."

I roll my eyes, though I can't help but smile back at him.

"I'm serious," I say.

"So am I. Trust me, I think it's going fast too. But that's not necessarily a bad thing." I look at him curiously, and he seems to take this as his cue to continue. "I mean, not long ago, we weren't even sure if you two would make it out alive. But now, we get to watch her grow up."

"Together," I add.

"Yeah," he says, smiling back at me. "Now why don't you try to get some sleep so that you'll actually be awake for her first day?"

"I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

"Maybe I can help you," he says, resting his hand on my hip.

"Tobias, I'm still wallowing about our daughter's first day of school," I groan. "I'm not in the mood for that."

"I didn't mean that," he chuckles. "I meant something else."

"What, then?"

He smiles, as he pulls me closer to him until his forehead is resting on mine.

" _Bend your chest open so I can reach your heart,"_ he sings softly. " _I need to get inside, or I'll start a war._ "

I look up at him, surprised, and he smiles down at me.

"I can't believe you remembered," I whisper.

"You wrote it for me," he says. "Of course I remember."

I bite my lip to keep my lips from forming into a ridiculous grin, as I close my eyes. He presses his lips to my forehead before he continues to sing softly. His voice is the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

I wasn't surprised when Mom and Dad told me I had to stay back a year, and I wasn't surprised that they agreed when the teachers suggested it. Before they adopted me, I didn't really care about school. But now, they are always helping me with school work and encouraging me to do better.

The good thing is that I was held back in middle school, so I don't have to face the first day of high school alone. Just as I have finished putting everything into my locker, I sense someone lean against the locker next to mine. I look up and see my best friend, Caroline, smiling back at me.

"Thank god our lockers are across the hall from each other," she says, as she uses my locker mirror to fix her already flawless blonde hair. "Now, you can walk me to class!"

"Gladly," I chuckle, as I pick up one of my books.

Just as I do, I feel my phone go off in my pocket. I look around quickly to make sure there are no teachers around before I take it out and look at it. Luckily, Caroline doesn't seem to mind the delay since she is still checking her makeup in my mirror. After all, I mostly put the mirror up for her anyway. When I get my phone out I see that I have a message from Mom.

 _Hope started kindergarten today. Look how cute! Xx_

I open up the picture attached only to see a picture of my beautiful baby cousin with a huge smile on her face and a little pink bookbag on her back.

"Look at this," I say, still looking down at the picture.

"Is that your cousin that you're always talking about?" Caroline asks, as she leans closer to me to look at the picture.

I feel something weird, as she moves closer to me. The area where her shoulder is just barely pressed to mine seems to be on fire. I clear my throat and try to refocus quickly.

"Uh, yeah…" I stammer. "Yeah, that's Hope."

"Aw, she's pretty!" Caroline says. She looks at me and winks. "Not as pretty as you though."

She giggles and steps away from me, looking in the mirror once more. She was joking. I know she was just joking.

But I realize, I really wish she wasn't.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

"What are you talking about?" I hiss into the phone.

" _I don't know, Chris,_ " Uriah responds. " _He's insisting on going home with Tris and Hope. He won't tell me why."_

"Oh my god, Uri," I groan. "Just tell him he can't and bring him home."

" _I tried! He looked like he was gonna start crying!"_

"Just…"

I groan again, as I rub the bridge of my nose. I knew that I shouldn't have left it up to Uriah to pick up Lucas from school, but I didn't think that it would be this bad. Just as I have started to consider the possibility of going all the way down to the school to get him myself, Uriah speaks again.

" _Look, why don't I just take him over to Tris' just for like an hour, and then I'll bring him home_?"

"What? No!" I sigh. "If you give in, he'll think he can get anything he wants just by pouting at you."

" _Chris, you don't understand what I'm up against!"_ he says frantically, making me roll my eyes. _"He's literally crying right now!"_

"Goddammit, Uri," I mutter. "I'm coming down there right now."

" _Well, you should probably meet us at Tris' then because that's where I'm taking him."_ Before I can chew him out, he continues. _"Oops about to start driving, gotta hang up, bye!"_

"What? Uri!" I look down at the phone and let out a loud groan, as I realize that he hung up on me. "Unbelievable."

* * *

I almost hurt my knuckles from how hard I knock on the front door, and I tap my foot impatiently as I wait. Seconds later, the door swings open and Tris stands before me. She knows me too well, though, since she holds up her arm to block me from rushing in past her.

"Take a breath," she says. "Lucas is fine."

"Well, good," I say. "Now that that's established, why don't you let me in so I can have a word with my husband?"

"Look, Chris, I know you stand by all those parenting books that say to 'never give in,'" she says, using her fingers as air quotes. "But this really wasn't Uri's fault. If you had seen Lucas' face, you probably would have done the same thing."

"Well, I can be the judge of that if you let me in so I can see his face."

She rolls her eyes and steps aside so that I can come in. She tells me that they are in the living room, and I waste no time in walking through the hallway until I reach the living room. I immediately see Hope and Lucas on the floor playing with some of Hope's toys and Uriah sitting on the couch watching the television. He looks around when I walk into the room, and he does a double take when he realizes that it is me. He immediately stands up and walks toward me, his hands up as if he thinks I will attack at any moment.

"Chris-"

"You and I will talk about this later," I cut in before looking down at Hope and Lucas who were already looking up at me. "Lucas, are you ready to go home?"

"No!" he whines before dropping his head dramatically.

In fact, I can see why Uriah constantly says that he got the "dramatic gene" from me.

I let out a sigh, as I watch him draw his knees into his chest and hide his face. Of course, a great deal of the tips from all those parenting books involve communication, so I decide that that is probably the best way to go about this. I look around and see Tris leaning against the doorway with her arms folded over her chest.

"Would you mind giving us some privacy?" I ask.

"In my house? Of course not," she mutters sarcastically, making me roll my eyes. "Hope, come on."

Hope looks at Lucas for a moment before she stands up and scurries over to Tris who then leads her out of the room. Uriah looks at me hesitantly before he moves to kneel down next to Lucas who is still curled up, and I kneel down as well.

"Lucas, look at me," I say. He looks up slowly, still pouting. "Can you tell us what's wrong?"

He looks between both of us for a moment before looking down at the floor. Before I can say anything, Uriah nudges him, making him look up again.

"Come on, buddy," he says. "You can tell us."

"We were all playing," he says shyly, looking at the floor again. "The boys wouldn't share the toys, so I wanted to play with Hope instead. And then I went back to play with the boys, and they wouldn't play with me."

"Why not?" I ask.

He pouts again and looks down sadly.

"They said I got girl cooties from Hope."

I turn my head, as I hear Uriah snickering quietly, but he immediately stops and looks down when I give him a look. I look back at Lucas, as I put my arm around his shoulders.

"Why did that make you want to go home with Hope?" He looks up at me for a moment. "Lucas, you can tell me."

"Because Hope pushed the boy that was being meanest to me," he says quietly.

"She pushed him?" Uriah asks.

"Yeah," he says, acting out the motion with his hands. "She told him to stop being mean, and then she pushed him over and he left me alone."

"And where was the teacher while all of this was happening?" I ask, trying to stay calm so that he'll keep talking.

"Hope told her friend, Maggie, to talk to the teacher so she wouldn't see," he nearly whispers.

I look at Uriah, my mouth open in shock, but when I look at him I see that he is biting his lip to keep from grinning. He shakes his head a bit and shrugs.

"Well, she's definitely Tris' daughter."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

"I'm proud of you," I say, as I pull Hope's blanket up and over her body. "I am. But no more pushing, okay? If anyone is mean to you or Lucas, you tell the teacher."

"Okay, Mommy," she says, though she is still smiling proudly.

I can't help but smile back. Christina was the one who told me about the incident before she took Lucas home. And as soon as Tobias got home from work, I let him know what happened. As it turned out, he wasn't mad about it either. We were both proud that our daughter was kind enough to help Lucas and brave enough to stand up to the other kids, but we also knew that we couldn't exactly encourage her pushing other kids. I let out a sigh, as I look down at her.

She may be a challenge, but I realize every day that she is also a mixture of the best parts of Tobias and me.

"I love you, baby," I tell her.

"Love you too," she says before looking at me thoughtfully. "I told Lucas I love him too."

"You did? Why?"

"Because whenever Daddy's upset, you kiss him and say 'I love you,'" she says matter-of-factly. "And Lucas was really sad, so I thought that would make him feel better."

I bite my lip, resisting the urge to grin at her words.

"Well, that's very sweet of you," I say, running my hand over her hair.

"And I kissed him too."

"What?" I ask, taken aback. "You mean on the cheek, right?"

"No, here," she says, pressing her finger to her bottom lip.

"Oh, Hope," I sigh. "Can you promise me you won't do that again?"

"Why not?" she pouts. "You and Daddy do it every day."

"Because that… Well, that's something that just adults do, okay?"

She looks away thoughtfully for a moment as if she still doesn't understand, but eventually she looks back at me and shrugs.

"Okay, Mommy."

"Well, I think it's time for you to go to sleep. What do you think?" She smiles a little and nods wordlessly, and I lean down to kiss her forehead before standing up. "Goodnight, baby."

"Night, Mommy," she replies, as I leave the room.

I close the door behind me quietly and saunter down the hallway to our bedroom. When I get in, I see that Tobias has changed into sweatpants to sleep, and he has just taken off his shirt. I lean against the doorway and take a moment to look at his tattoo, since his back is facing me. My eyes skim over the symbols lining his back.

Honesty. Hope tells us everything. Knowing. She's so smart and cunning for her age. Kindness. She is the sweetest child in the world. Though I may be biased in saying that, since she is mine.

Selfless and brave. She took matters into her own hands just to protect Lucas, and I couldn't be more proud of her.

Suddenly, Tobias turns and our eyes meet. He smiles a little, and it is only then that I realize that I have a smile on my own face. I close the door behind me and move to sit down on the bed, and his eyes follow me the entire time.

"Want to tell me what you're smiling about?" he asks, as he sits down next to me.

"She's crazy," I chuckle, making his smile widen. "She just told me what she did to make Lucas feel better."

"What?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"She told him she loved him." I pause for a moment, hoping that he won't take the next part too seriously. "And she kissed him."

"What?" he says louder this time, his eyes widening.

"Tobias, relax, they're five. She didn't mean any harm, and I told her not to do it again."

"Mm…" He groans, as he shakes his head a little. "All right, fine."

"Do you want to know why?" He looks up at me curiously. "Why she kissed him?"

"Why?" he asks.

"She just happened to notice…" I trail off, as I move closer to him. "That every time you're upset, I kiss you and tell you that I love you, so she thought she could do it too."

"Oh really? She _is_ crazy," he says, the beginning of a smile on his lips. I look down for only a moment before he lifts my chin to make me look at him again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Actually, I'm just happy. I mean, when I was growing up, all I learned from watching my parents is that love hurts. They were never exactly the best example. But now, she's gonna grow up seeing what love really looks like."

He smiles at me, and I can't help but return it, as I bring my hand to his cheek and let my thumb skim over the stubble that resides there.

"I love you," I tell him.

"Hey," he says with mock-anger. "According to Hope, you're only supposed to say that when I'm upset."

I let out a laugh, making the smile return to his face. He cuts the sound off by pressing his lips to mine briefly.

"And I'm only supposed to kiss you when you're upset," I whisper against his lips.

He smirks. "Well, I have a few ideas for what we could do when I'm happy."

* * *

 **One year later**

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

I'm barely paying attention to the pop song that Caroline put on or the magazine that she shoved into my hands as soon as we sat down on her bed. Instead, I'm too busy looking at her out of the corner of my eyes. I'm too busy focusing on her perfect hair or her pretty blue eyes or her pink lips, as she stares intently at her own magazine. I only start to pretend that I'm reading when she looks up at me.

"See?" she says. "There's tons of flirting tips in these things."

"I don't need flirting tips," I mutter.

"Come on, Brynn." She rolls her eyes, as she drops her magazine on the bed next to her. "We're already sophomores, and you've barely managed to look a guy in the eyes! At this rate, you'll be going to Prom solo. We can't let that happen."

"What's so bad about that?" I shrug. "I mean, we're still young. Who cares if I don't have a date?"

"Uhm, I do," she says matter-of-factly. She shifts so that she is facing me, and I feel my heart speed up. "Are you scared or something?"

"No, of course not," I say a little too quickly. She smirks at me, and I roll my eyes. "And what about you? You don't have a boyfriend either."

"No… But I'm well on my way." I give her a confused look, and she grins. "I've been talking to this guy, and…"

My mind seems to go foggy, as she starts to spout out details. Over the past year, I have noticed that I have been having some feelings toward her, but I was hoping that it was just some weird phase. But lately, I feel jealous any time she so much as looks at a boy. It's just not fair that I have these feelings for her, and she is not even like me. She's made it very clear that she wants a boy. And besides, I'm not sure that I've come to terms with this part of myself.

"Hello?" Caroline says, dragging out the last syllable. "Brynn, are you even listening?"

"I… Yeah, of course," I stammer.

"What did I say?" She raises an eyebrow, as I stare back at her wordlessly. "That's what I thought."

"I'm sorry," I sigh.

"Look, just tell me what's up with you," she says suddenly. "Every time I mention boys, you get super quiet and act all depressed. Seriously, Brynn, are you scared or something?"

"No, I just…" I shake my head. "It's nothing."

"Brynn." I look up, surprised, as she takes my hand in hers. "I'm your best friend. You can tell me."

I look at her for a moment, and she smiles a bit, most likely in an attempt to comfort me.

"Really?"

She nods. "Of course."

I bite my lip, as she squeezes my hand slightly. I guess that if I were to tell anyone, it would be Caroline. She is my best friend, after all. Besides, it might help me figure things out if I have someone to talk it out with.

"Okay… The truth is, I have a hard time listening to you talking about boys and everything because I…" I take a deep breath. "Well, I don't think I like boys like that."

I look up at her hesitantly only to see that she is looking back at me, clearly confused. There is only silence for a moment before she finally speaks.

"What do you mean?"

"I think maybe I like girls instead, and…"

I trail off, as she slowly takes her hand away from mine. My heart breaks when I see the look on her face. I just sit there, not knowing what to say, as she looks down at her lap.

"Oh my god," she whispers. She looks up at me with disgust in her eyes. "You don't like it when I talk about boys because you like _me_. Don't you?"

My mouth opens, but no matter how hard I try, the words won't come out. For a minute, it feels like I am outside my body watching myself sitting there helpless while my best friend looks at me as if I'm the scum of the Earth. I watch her shake her head and scoff. She gets up and opens the door to her bedroom before looking at me.

"I think you should go," she says shortly.

"What? Why? I didn't-"

"Because my parents don't like people like you," she bites back. "And neither do I."

"I'm still me," I say, as tears start to form in my eyes. "I'm your best friend."

"I thought you were my best friend," she says coldly. "Now I know you're just some creep who was only hanging out with me because you wanted to turn me into a dyke just like you."

"That's not-"

"I don't want to hear it," she snaps. "Just get out, you freak!"

It is only the look of pure disgust in her eyes that brings me to stand up and walk through the door. I make it all the way down the stairs and out the front door in a fog. Her parents didn't even seem to notice me leave. As soon as the front door closes, though, the fog seems to disappear.

The second that the door closes behind me, my tears start to come out. I look around quickly to make sure that nobody is around before I pull the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and start walking.

The entire time, I just keep hoping that this is all a dream. A terrible nightmare. That soon I'll wake up, and everything will be fine.

But I walk for hours. And I never wake up.


	59. Chapter 59

**Hi there! Sorry I'm taking forever to update this, but I promise I'm trying! Life is just so crazy at the moment, but I'm glad I was able to take out some time to write this, it always makes me feel better!**

 **Thank you to gdfghgfdfghjhg, Jojoboo90, LazyLittleLlama677, IAmDivergent246, SheWhoTurnedToDust, 1991-Old-school-kid, SamanthaEatonSchreave, Guest, leek812, It'sHardIKnow, Morganite109, and Guest for your feedback! I really appreciate it.**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this one. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

When Thanksgiving comes and everyone comes over, it seems that my job becomes watching the kids while the some of the adults cook in the kitchen and some sit around talking to each other with beers in their hands. Not that I mind. I smile, as I look down at Hope and Lucas who are sitting on the floor playing with Hope's dolls. I wasn't surprised when Aunt Tris emptied a large bag of dolls on the living room floor as soon as she got here and told Hope to "have at it," but I was a little surprised that Lucas reached for one of the Barbie dolls without hesitation and immediately started playing with her.

She looks up at me, as she uses a small plastic brush to comb through one of the barbie doll's hair. I can't help but smile despite all the negative feelings that I have been carrying since my best friend turned on me. Ever since they started playing, Hope has been talking to me nonstop while Lucas simply sits there playing quietly. Every so often, he will nod at what she is saying, but for the most part, he seems completely focused on the dolls.

"Do you like it?" she asks, as she holds up her doll for me to look at.

"Looks pretty," I tell her with a smile.

She smiles, too, before looking at the doll in Lucas' hand. She scrunches her nose and waves her hand at him, making him look up.

"Those don't match," she says, pointing between the doll's shoes and dress. "Mommy says you need to match."

"I don't wanna," Lucas mumbles.

Hope looks up at me, annoyed, and I laugh a little.

"Let him do what he wants, Hope."

She rolls her eyes and looks down at her doll for a moment before she drops it on the ground. Without warning, she grabs onto the edge of the couch and pushes herself up into my lap, and I wrap my arms around her, as she comes face-to-face with me.

"Why are you sad?" she asks.

I look around immediately, making sure that none of the adults heard her. And it seems that they didn't since they are still talking, and Lucas doesn't even seem to care since he's still wrapped up in the dolls. I shrug my shoulders, as I look back at her.

"It's just a grown-up thing," I tell her.

"What?" she presses, tilting her head.

"Sometimes..." I sigh, as I search for the words in my head. "Sometimes people can be mean, that's all."

"Yeah." She nods her head dramatically. "The other kids were mean to Lucas because he played with me, so I pushed them."

"I know, I heard," I chuckle. "But when you're a grown up, you can't just push people over when they're mean to you."

"Why not?" she asks.

Suddenly, Lucas drops his doll dramatically and crosses his arms.

"Cur-i-ous-i-ty," he says slowly, "killed the cat, Hope!"

"What?" She scrunches her nose again.

"Mommy says that when I ask a lot of questions," he says.

"Well _my_ mommy says, ask when you don't know," Hope retorts before looking back at me expectantly.

Lucas seems to give up at this, as he wordlessly picks up one of the dolls again and starts fixing the hair. Hope shrugs and looks back at me again.

"Why can't you push the mean people?" she asks again.

"It's just not that easy," I tell her.

She looks at me for a moment as if I am speaking a foreign language before she frowns.

"They shouldn't be mean to you," she says quietly.

The look in her eyes and the way she says the words nearly makes me cry. But before I can say anything, I sense someone walking into the room. I look up and see Aunt Tris walking toward us, a small smile on her lips.

"Are you bothering Brynn?" she asks, brushing Hope's hair back over her shoulders.

Hope looks up at her and grins.

"No, Mommy."

She looks at me and mouths the words, _is she?_ and I can't help but laugh.

"No, it's fine."

"All right," she says, as she starts for the doorway again. "Dinner will be ready in five, okay?"

I nod at her before looking down at Hope who was already staring at me. She smiles a little and wraps her small arms around my neck, and I return the hug.

"Love you, Brynn," she mumbles.

I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling. That feeling of love, of being accepted no matter how different I know I am. Even if it is from a five year old, I try to enjoy the moment anyway.

"Love you too, Hope."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It's amazing how easily history can repeat itself. Except this time, I'm the one behind the desk while one of the students, Sophia, sits across from me, her eyes scanning my desk the way that mine used to scan Tori's. She pushes her dirty blonde hair behind her ear and shakes her head a little, as her eyes seem to focus in on the picture of Hope.

"It took so long to get the courage to do it. I was praying that my parents wouldn't kick me out, and they didn't. But this is actually worse than them kicking me out." She looks up at me, her eyes glassy. "They won't talk to me. They won't look at me."

"What day did you come out exactly?" I ask.

"Last week," she sighs. "On Wednesday. And they haven't spoken to me since."

"What about your brother?"

"He's still talking to me," she says. "I'm glad he is, but... I guess I just miss my parents. I didn't want them to look at me differently or hate me for this, but they do. I mean, parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally, right?"

She looks up at me sadly, as I bite my lip. My thoughts seem to freeze at this question. My first thought is my parents who certainly did not love me unconditionally, but surely that admission wouldn't help her feel better.

"Unfortunately, not everyone is as mature as you, Sophia," I tell her, and she looks at me curiously. "This may be the first time that your parents have been exposed to this on a personal level. And sometimes, when people are exposed to something different, they just don't know how to react. I don't think that means they don't love you. Maybe they just need some time."

"But how long?" She shakes her head and sniffles a little, as her eyes tear up. "How long are they going to keep acting like I don't exist?"

"I don't know, Sophia," I tell her honestly. "But you have three options: you can wait for them to come around, you can try to talk to them again, or you can accept your brother as your support system and I can give you some more resources to help you cope with this."

"But why?" she asks softly, as one tear escapes her eyes. "I don't understand what I did to make this happen."

I watch her sadly, as she ducks her head to hide her tears. Not only because I remember what it felt like to crave love from my parents that I knew they would never give me, but also because I cannot help but imagine Hope in Sophia's place. I never want her to feel this way. I never want her to feel like she isn't loved. Nobody should ever feel that way.

I stand up and walk around my desk, as she cries quietly. She doesn't seem to notice. That is, until I sit down in the chair right next to her. She glances up at me before she ducks her head again and starts to wipe her tears away. I pick up the tissue box off of my desk and offer it to her, and she mumbles a thanks, as she takes one of the tissues.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Sophia," I say, as she seems to try to calm herself down. "It's not your fault that some people have trouble accepting something different. Maybe this is something that your parents don't understand, but it's who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Why does it feel wrong, then?" she asks, still without looking at me.

"Look." She looks up at me hesitantly, and I take a deep breath. "I know what it's like to want to be accepted by your parents, but no matter what you do, they just won't. I know it hurts, and right now, it seems like things will never get better. But you do have the power to make things better, and I'm not just saying that. Your brother still loves you. And I happen to know of a support group at another high school in this district specifically for LGBT teens. I'm not gonna tell you that everything will get better overnight. But there are some steps you can take right now that can help you."

"Okay," she whispers, wiping the last of her tears off her face.

"Sophia." She looks at me again, her eyes still pink from crying. "For what it's worth, I'm here for you. I'm proud of you, and I believe in you."

She nods a little and mumbles a thanks again. I find myself thinking of Tori again, as I look back at her. I can't help but wonder if this is how she felt when I came to her. This overwhelming urge to just make everything okay, even though I know that it isn't that easy. But I know that I at least have to try. There was a time that I felt hopeless, like nothing would ever be okay, and Tori devoted so much of her time and energy to convince me that things could get better. Now, as I look back at Sophia, I realize that now it is my turn to do everything I can for her.

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

The good thing about having a baby at around the same time as your best friend is that you have a gym buddy when you both simultaneously realize that having a baby ruined your body. We have gone enough times that we almost look like we did before we gave birth, but we figured that we should keep going together anyway so that we wouldn't ruin our progress.

Still, I can't help but think how tiring this all is. I almost feel as if I haven't had a break since I gave birth to Lucas. I'm constantly cooking and cleaning, and Uriah tries to help, but ever since Lucas was born, I realize that I've become just so controlling an nit-picky though I'm not sure why. But it really is exhausting, needing everything to be a certain way and trying to raise Lucas according to all those parenting books. All that, and I also spend my weekends exercising so I become even more exhausted. Tris only comes with me on Saturday, but I decided to add in Sunday on my own so that I could look better faster.

"You look like you really don't want to be here," Tris says, as we approach the gym.

I let out a sigh, as we stop in front of the gym's entrance, and she looks at me expectantly.

"I do, I'm just so... _so_ fucking tired," I sigh, making her nod in agreement. "I mean, aren't you? It's so tiring being married and having a kid and working and..."

"And then running on treadmills in our very rare free time," she adds.

"Exactly."

"You know, I think maybe you should take it easy," she says. "I mean, I know you used to do a lot more to keep your weight down."

"Yeah," I say, looking down guiltily.

"And I'm glad you're not pushing yourself like that anymore," she continues. "But I think you still push yourself way harder than you need to."

"Well, what would you suggest?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Well, I happen to remember that your main complaint about being pregnant was that you couldn't have a drink."

"Yeah, and?"

"So, let's have one," she says bluntly, and I can't help but smile. "Come on, it's Saturday night."

"It's four o clock," I say, rolling my eyes.

"It's happy hour somewhere," she shrugs. "Come on, you've been doing the right thing since Lucas was born. You've been working and exercising and following every single parenting book in the country, and that's great. But you're tired now, and there's nothing wrong with taking a break. So, let's take a break together."

She looks at me expectantly, and I can tell by the look that she already knows I am going to agree. I roll my eyes, though I can't help but smile back at her.

"Fine," I say. "On one condition."

"What is it?" she asks.

"I do believe it's been years since I've seen my best friend drunk," I say, nudging her.

"I'll see what I can do," she chuckles. "Come on, let's go."

She holds out her arm, and I link mine through it as we walk past the gym and down the street together.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"I believe this belongs to you," Uriah says, as he gently pushes a clearly drunk Tris into my arms.

"Thanks, Uri," I say, looking down as she immediately clings to me and buries her face in my chest. "I owe you one."

"Damn right," he smirks, as he waves goodbye.

I close the door after him and look down at my drunk wife, as she clings onto me like a koala to a tree, and I can't help but laugh as the comparison crosses my mind. Luckily, Tori has both Hope and Lucas tonight. If I had to guess, I would have to say that that is why the girls chose today to blow off the gym and get drunk instead. But I was still surprised when I got a call from Uriah, and he told me that they were too drunk to get home so he would be dropping her off. It's been quite a while since I've seen her this drunk, but every time I see it, I can't help but think back to the first time I ever saw her like this- the first night we kissed. She looks up at me and smiles lazily, her arms still wrapped around me tightly.

"Are you all right?" I ask.

"Mhm." She nods, as she rests her head on my chest again. "I really want to lay down."

"All right, let's go then."

Before she can say anything, I pick her up, and she giggles the entire time as I walk to the bedroom with her in my arms. I place her gently on the bed, as her laughing subsides, and she looks up at me.

"Where are you going?" she asks, as I start to walk away.

"I'm getting you water," I tell her. "Wait there."

"Okay," she says, drawing out the last syllabus.

Luckily, when I walk back into the bedroom, she is still lying exactly where I left her. Her eyes are closed, making me wonder if she fell asleep in the short time that I was gone. But as soon as I place the water on the table, she opens her eyes and looks at me.

"Tobias," she says softly, as she reaches for me.

"Yes, love?" I ask, as I sit down next to her.

"Are you mad at me?"

"What? No, why would you ask that?"

I watch her, as her eyes start to tear up, and her bottom lip quivers just the slightest bit. I move closer to her and bring my hand to her cheek, as she stares back at me. I know that she is only drunk-crying right now, but it is never easy for me to see her cry no matter what the cause is.

"Because I was drinking," she says, her voice shaking. "And I know you don't like drinking."

"No, I'm not a big fan of drinking, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to." She nods her head wordlessly, as I lay down next to her on my side so that I can watch her. "Why did you guys go drinking anyway?"

She sighs heavily, and I can't help but smile a little at how dramatic she is when she drinks, but she doesn't seem to notice.

"We were gonna go to the gym, but we just kinda realized we were really fucking tired of it," she says bluntly. "Life has been so tiring lately."

"Maybe you should take breaks more often," I say.

"I can't." She sighs heavily, and when I look at her again, I realize that her eyes are glassy again. "I shouldn't have even taken a break today."

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because look at me," she cries, gesturing toward her stomach.

"I'm looking," I say, as I run my hand over her stomach.

She looks at me briefly, as one of her tears escapes.

"Don't do that," she mutters.

"What?"

"Act like it's nothing," she says. "I look terrible. It's fucking terrible."

I watch her, as she covers her face with her hands. One thing that I've learned from my time with her is that she is overly dramatic when she is drunk. But if she is upset about something while she is drunk, chances are she's spent a lot of time thinking about it when she was sober. With that in mind, I move so that I am hovering over her, as I take one of her hands away from her face. She watches me, her face wet with tears, as she lowers her other hand and bites at the end of her thumb.

"What's terrible?" I ask. "You gained, like, two pounds."

"No," she groans. "I gained, like, a _thousand_ pounds."

"Well, that's pretty cool." She looks at me curiously. "I must have gotten a hell of a lot stronger since I was still able to pick you up."

She giggles through her tears, and I can't help but smile down at her. She sighs, as she clumsily tries to wipe away her tears.

"I just don't want you to think I'm ugly," she says softly, looking everywhere but my eyes. "I don't want us to be one of those couples where you can't even look at me because I look so gross."

"You're fucking crazy, Tris," I chuckle. She looks at me finally, surprised, but she doesn't say anything. "You're just as beautiful to me today as you were the day I met you."

"You're just saying that," she mutters.

"No, I'm not." I lean down and place a kiss on her collarbone.

"Yes you are," she sighs. "You're my husband, you have to tell me I look good."

"I don't _have_ to. Besides, I was telling you how good you looked way before we were together. You think I was just saying it then?"

"I guess not."

I can't help but smile, as I move down and place a kiss on her chest. She smiles a little, too, when I look at her and bites her lip.

"And this is beautiful," I say, running my hand over her stomach. I bring my lips to her stomach, and she giggles lightly. "You were then, you are now, and you always will be."

"Even when I'm old and wrinkly?"

"Especially then."

She giggles again, and I smile, as I move to hover over her again. She bites her lip as she brings her hand up to my cheek and pulls me toward her, the grin still on her face.

"I think you're beautiful, too," she whispers.

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

People always say you shouldn't listen to bullies. But my bullies are right; I have no friends.

Having friends never really mattered to me growing up. But when I met Caroline and started getting close to her, it was like I finally realized what I had been missing. Having someone to talk to and spend time with was such an amazing feeling. But just as quickly as it came to me, it was gone.

I went from invisible to loved to walking down the hallways by myself with a target on my back.

Caroline and her friends seem to spend all their free time terrorizing me while some other students watch me sadly, like they feel bad for me, but they never say anything. And I know why. They know that if they were to befriend me, they would have a target on their back too.

Still, it's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to walk through the doors everyday. I tried hiding in the girl's bathroom. And that worked until, one day, Caroline and her friends happened to walk in. When I got home that night, Mom asked why I was limping. I lied and said that I tripped on the stairs. She didn't seem to believe me fully, but she also didn't ask again.

So now, I stay in the library before school and during lunch. I've found that they're not willing to try to do something to me when the librarian is just feet away.

But that doesn't mean I'm always safe; they still find ways to get to me.

I let myself into the house and immediately start for my room. I could see from the corner of my eye that Mom was sitting in the living room, and I can sense her eyes on me, but I keep walking.

"Brynn," she calls after me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Before she can respond, I walk into my room and close the door behind me. I drop my bag on the floor and look at myself in the mirror. I let out a deep, shaky breath, as I try to figure out what to do. After all, I don't wear makeup. I don't have cover-up.

I don't have anything to hide my black eye.

I hear a knock at my door, and my heart starts racing. I immediately jump on my bed and lay there, face down. I hear the door open, and I can tell by the sound of her wheelchair that it is my mom.

"Brynn, what's the matter?" she asks.

"Nothing," I mutter into my pillow. "I'm just tired."

There is silence for a moment, and I can feel my heart beating fast the entire time. I just lay there, praying that she won't ask me to look at her.

"Okay," she says quietly after a moment. "Get some rest. I'll come back when dinner's ready, okay?"

"Okay."

I stay where I am, as I listen to her wheel herself out of my room and close the door behind her. I roll over onto my back, as I look up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to do. I can't just hide from my parents forever, but I can't let them see me like this.

No matter what I do, no matter how much I think about it, nothing seems to make sense. I wonder if it ever will.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

The only problem with being a counselor is that everyone seems to think you have the answer to everything.

Just a few weeks ago, Shauna called me nearly in panic mode and told me that Brynn had a black eye, and she wouldn't say where she got it. Apparently, Shauna and Zeke both reacted pretty intensely and demanded to know who did it, to which Brynn reacted by yelling that they were being dramatic before she locked herself in her room for the rest of the night.

Nearly everyday since, Shauna has been calling to ask me for advice on what to do. Not only that, but she has spent most of the time telling me that she is worried about her. She even asked once if I would see her and talk to her, but I told her that it probably wouldn't be the best idea since Brynn might not be comfortable telling me much since she would probably think that I would just tell Shauna and Zeke everything anyway.

It's painful to think about. It's hard to think that Brynn, who I care so much about, is going through so much, and it just seems like there is nothing I can do.

"Ms. Eaton?"

I look up, as Sophia shyly steps into my office and smiles slightly.

"Hey, Sophia," I greet her, gesturing for her to come in. "Take a seat."

She does as I say and sits down, pulling her backpack onto her lap as she does. She looks up at me, and her smile widens a bit before she finally speaks.

"So I've been going to that support group you recommended," she says.

"How has that been going?" I ask.

"Really good. Everybody's been so nice, and... Actually, the reason I wanted to see you today is because I wanted to tell you something that I told the group at the last meeting."

"Go right ahead," I say, unable to keep myself from smiling back at her.

"Well, you know how my parents weren't talking to me for a while?" I nod at her wordlessly, and she continues. "So I've mostly been talking to my brother about things, and he said that he felt really bad about it because our family used to be really close before I came out. So, the other day, he actually talked to my parents and... He won't tell me what he said, but my parents are talking to me again.

"They even apologized for ignoring me and everything. They said they still love me, and they missed spending time with me. They said that if they had to get used to this, they would." She shakes her head a little, as her eyes become glassy. "You were right. They never stopped loving me."

"Do you think you're ready to work with them on this?" I ask.

"Yeah." She nods. "I'll do whatever I have to do. I mean, they're willing to make the effort. So am I. I just feel like everything is looking up."

"That's so great," I say. "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks." She grins and takes a deep breath seemingly to steady herself. "Well, I have to go, but I just wanted to let you know what's going on."

"I appreciate it. Keep me updated, all right?"

She nods at me and stands up to leave, the smile on her face the entire time. I can't help but smile, too, as I watch her leave. I immediately realize that it is moments like this that make me so happy to be a counselor.

Tori made it clear to me when I told her that I was considering this career path that I wouldn't be able to save everyone. She wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be too hard on myself if the time came that I just couldn't help one of my students the way they needed to be helped. And while that is a terrifying thought to me, I still think that this career is worth it if I can help even one person.

I end up working late that day. I manage to text Tobias that I will be home later just before my phone dies. Unfortunately, I left my charger at home, which means that my phone is off the entire time that I am working and the entire time that I am driving home. That also means that I am caught off guard when I walk into our house and find Tobias sitting in the living room with a strange look in his eyes. He only looks up when Hope, who was sitting at the kitchen table with her homework, greets me. I say a quick hello to her and kiss the top of her head before I continue into the living room. I stop in front of Tobias, and he looks up at me with an expression that I can't quite figure out.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

He looks at me for a moment, as if he is afraid of how I will respond to whatever it is he has to say. I am about to ask again when he finally lets out a deep breath and tells me.

"Brynn's in the hospital."


	60. Chapter 60

**OMG OMG OMG. By far the longest chapter I've ever written: 6,361 words without the Author's Note! AHHHH! I know this probably means nothing to you guys, but I'm so excited!**

 **Anyway, I tried to put a lot into this chapter because I am planning to have a time skip in the next chapter to move things along a little.**

 **Also, if there's any typos or anything in this chapter please let me know! This chapter was written between midnight and 3AM because I've been too busy to write during normal hours soo... Yes, my brain is a little fried.**

 **Thank you to** **SunnyIsDivergent, BeatriceEaton46, Morganite109, leek812, It'sHardIKnow, Faith O, dauntless4664, IAmDivergent246, 1991-Old-school-kid, Jojoboo90, SheWhoTurnedToDust, and SamanthaEatonSchreave for your kind words. I really appreciate it, and you guys keep me going!**

 **I hope you guys like this one. Please let me know what you think. :)**

* * *

 **Zeke POV**

* * *

As soon as I got home from work, Shauna told me that Brynn went straight to her room again as soon as she got home from school. We've both been worried about her, but we haven't really known how to go about helping her especially since we don't know exactly what she needs help with.

Neither of us have ever really been good at handling tough situations like this. When Lynn was struggling, Shauna didn't even know how to help her. And obviously, we both missed the signs when Marlene was struggling.

We both agreed that we couldn't let Brynn suffer in silence anymore out of fear that it could develop into something worse. Getting angry when she came home with a black eye certainly didn't help anything, so I decided that I should try to sit down and have a talk with her. Even if she doesn't want to talk, I still have to try.

I take a deep breath, as I walk toward her room. As I walk, I try to figure out what to say. But I stop thinking about it when I hear a strange sound coming from her room. I stop walking for a moment, as I try to identify the sound.

As soon as I hear the sound of her crying though, I give up trying to figure it out, and I throw open her door. I find myself frozen again for just a moment, as I take in the horrifying scene in front of me.

My daughter, surrounded by pill bottles, holding onto her waste paper basket as she retches into it. She looks up at me, her face stained with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," she whimpers.

As she begins to throw up again, I yell for Shauna to call an ambulance. She says something back, but I don't hear it. I don't even focus on it.

Instead I rush to Brynn's side and wrap my arm around her loosely so I don't hurt her. She cries, and I feel the urge to cry myself as I watch her.

"It's okay," I tell her, as I pull her into me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel the sobs rack through her body. "You're gonna be okay, I promise."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Luckily, Tori was able to watch the kids. I didn't want Hope to see Brynn like this. Of course, I know that I can't shield her from all the terrible things in life. But she's had such a happy childhood so far; I just want to keep it that way for as long as possible.

So for now, it is just Zeke, Shauna, Tobias and I sitting with her in her hospital room since Christina and Uriah decided to come tomorrow so as not to crowd her.

Currently, she is asleep in her hospital bed. It's pretty understandable after what she just went through.

I have to admit that this is only reminding me of Marlene. She looks just like Marlene looked when she was in a coma. Apparently she was even found surrounded by pill bottles just like Marlene. The only difference, the amazing difference, is that Brynn is going to live.

"I just don't understand why she would do this," Shauna says quietly, still staring at Brynn's sleeping form. "What did we do wrong? What did we do to make her feel like she couldn't talk to us?"

Her eyes begin to tear up, as a tense silence fills the room. It seems that none of us know what to say. Not even Zeke says anything, he just stares at Brynn just like Shauna. That is, until Shauna looks at us, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Sometimes I feel like I just wasn't meant for this," she says. "I mean, she wouldn't even talk to us. I knew something was going on with her, but I didn't know how to help her. And now this... I mean what kind of mother am I?"

It seems that she wants to say more. But she stops and looks down just before she lets out a strangled sob. I watch her helplessly, as she covers her face with her hands and cries. It seems that this was enough to take Zeke out of his trance. He sits down in the chair next to Shauna and puts his arms around her. We sit in silence for just a moment before Zeke looks up at us.

"I think we might need some time alone," he says quietly.

I nod in understanding and look at Tobias. He takes my hand in his and together, we leave the room. Once we are out, we continue walking in silence. He walks with such purpose and I can't help but wonder why but I find myself unable to even speak to ask. I simply follow him through the hallways, through the exit doors, and finally he stops in front of the hospital.

Without saying a word, he turns to me and wraps his arms around me. I wrap my arms around his neck, returning the embrace. We stand in silence again until finally he breaks it.

"I'm so happy you're here," he whispers.

"What?"

He pulls back a bit so that he can look at me and it is only then that I realize that his eyes are glassy.

"I know it's selfish," he says, "but ever since I heard what happened to Brynn, I just kept thinking of the time that you..."

He doesn't need to finish the sentence, and I let him know that when I nod in understanding.

The time that I attempted.

I am not surprised this reminded him of it, but I am surprised that even after all this time, it still affects him so much. I can't help but feel a little guilty at the thought.

"It hurts," I say. "It really hurts seeing someone you love do something like that. I'm sorry I put you through that."

He nods a little, as his jaw clenches.

"I just want you to know I'm so happy that you're still here," he says shakily. "I never want you to doubt that."

"I don't," I tell him, bringing my hand to his cheek.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Before he can say or do anything else, I lean into him and press my lips to his, and he kisses me back without hesitation. It becomes so intensified and loving, as our lips move in sync with each other. Unfortunately, the temporary bliss is disrupted as I realize that this kiss feels so familiar to the kiss we shared that day before I attempted.

He pulls away suddenly, and I find myself wondering if he is thinking the same thing when he pulls me into him again. His arms tighten around me, and I feel him shudder slightly. I rest my head on his shoulder, as he runs one of his hands over my hair.

He whispers again, "I'm _so_ happy you're here."

* * *

 **Tori POV**

* * *

When I finish my drawing, I turn the page, deciding to start on a new one. Before I even bring my pencil to the page, I look up again to make sure Hope and Lucas are still doing well since Tris didn't want Hope to see Brynn in the hospital, and Christina said that she wants to visit Brynn first thing in the morning. I didn't mind though. Whenever they're together, they usually play together so much that they barely even need my attention. That is, until they get hungry.

I watch, as the two of them play with their toys. Every now and then, they also look up at the television since I put on cartoons for them. But it is a little unnerving that Hope is so quiet, since she is usually talking mine or Lucas' ear off. Just as the thought enters my mind, she looks up at me, pouting a little.

"What's the matter, Hope?" I ask.

When she says nothing and simply looks down at her toys again, Lucas looks up at me.

"She's sad," he says bluntly.

"Why is she sad?" I try again.

At this, Lucas looks at Hope as well as if he is waiting for her to answer, but she doesn't. She simply sits there pouting until suddenly, she frowns and starts to cry. I close my book and drop it on the coffee table, as I get up from my seat and move to sit next to her on the floor. I wrap my arm around her small shoulders, as she cries, and I bring my other hand to her cheek to wipe some of the tears away.

"Why are you crying, Hope?"

She leans into me a little and draws her knees into her chest and hugs them.

"Mommy said Brynn's in the hospital because she's sad," she mumbles. "She's sad because people are mean to her."

"People are mean to her?" She nods her head wordlessly. "Did Brynn say that?"

She nods her head again, as she continues to sniffle.

"Did she tell you what the people do?" I ask.

She sniffles again and shakes her head vigorously. Before I can say anything else, Lucas moves toward us and puts his arm around Hope's shoulders as well, making her lean toward him instead.

"Love you, Hope," he mumbles.

"Thanks," she mumbles back.

I can't help but smile a little at the interaction, as I watch them despite her obvious sadness.

"Hope, honey, I know you don't like that Brynn is sad," I say. "But she went to the hospital so she can feel better, and she will feel better. But when she comes out, she's going to need a lot of love from all of us."

She looks up at me, her eyes still puffy from crying, and she nods.

"When Daddy's sad, Mommy says she loves him and hugs him," she says, hugging her own torso as if to act it out. "I'm gonna hug her and say I love her all the time."

"Well, that is a very good idea," I tell her.

She smiles just a little as she looks back at me, and I smile back. In that moment, I can't help but feel a little struck by the resemblance. Four was right. She seems to look more and more like Tris every time I see her, but that is not the only similarity. Even at such a young age, she is so smart and so deeply caring just like her mother.

I can only hope that she won't have to go through all of the pain that her mother went through.

* * *

 **Uriah POV**

* * *

By the time we have finished visiting Brynn, I feel a terrible pain in my stomach. After all, Brynn is my niece, and I can't help but feel like I haven't been there for her as much as I should have.

I sat by and did nothing when Marlene was thinking about hurting herself, and now the exact same thing has happened with Brynn.

But it is so amazing that she lived. When we visited her, she was still quiet, and it seemed that she didn't even want visitors which was why the visit was somewhat short. Still, it gives me hope that I will be able to help her more in the future. I don't want to make this mistake anymore.

As Christina says goodbye to Zeke and Shauna, I go to say goodbye to Brynn. I lean down to give her a hug, and she returns it wordlessly. When we pull apart, I look down at her, willing myself to say something, anything to reassure her, and she looks back at me curiously. I glance over my shoulder to make sure the others are still talking before I turn back to her and take a deep breath.

"Listen, Brynn," I breathe out. "I know that I haven't been around as much as I should be. And I know when I am around, I make it seem like everything has to be fun and jokey. But I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, any time. I love you, and I'm here for you. Okay?"

She hesitates for a moment, sadness obvious in her eyes, before she nods her head at me.

"Thanks, Uncle Uri," she barely whispers in response.

I nod at her in response before turning back to the others. Christina looks at me expectantly.

"Ready?" she asks.

My eyes move from Shauna, who fakes a smile at me, to Zeke who keeps glancing at Brynn just like he has for this entire visit. In fact, I haven't seen my normally upbeat brother so down since our father's death. The thought hurts a little.

"Actually, Zeke," I say, making him look at me, "can we talk outside for a second?"

He looks from me to Shauna before he shrugs a little and starts walking toward the doorway. Shauna and Christina stay behind in the hospital room, as we walk into the hallway, and I close the door behind me. I look at him, as he leans against the wall and sighs.

"How are you doing?" I ask.

"How do you think?" he says, though the question sounds more tired than angry. "It was one thing for this to happen to my friend, but goddamn, I never thought it'd happen to my daughter."

There is silence for a moment besides the sound of hospital machinery, and nurses walking by, as he stares down at his shoes.

"I'm sorry," I say finally.

He shrugs. "It's not your fault."

"Yeah, it's not yours either." He says nothing to this. "Zeke, I know what you're thinking. When Marlene died, I blamed myself for such a long time. I could have done something. We all could have. But it wasn't my fault. And this, what's going on with Brynn, it's not your fault either."

There is silence again, as he brings his hand to his mouth. Though he is still looking down, so I can't look at his face to figure out what he is thinking. He just stays like that for a moment before he finally shakes his head and moves his hand just slightly so he can speak.

"How long?"

I look at him, confused, but he doesn't say anything else.

"How long, what?" I ask.

Suddenly, he drops his hand and looks up at me. It is only then that I realize that he is tearing up. I feel a pain in my chest, as I watch my big brother cry for the first time in years.

"How long am I gonna feel like this, man?" he croaks.

Before I can think of anything to say, he looks down and brings his hand to his face again, as he cries. I take a step toward him. Though it is something that we never do, I realize that it is something that he needs now. With that in mind, I wrap my arms around him in a hug, and he almost immediately returns the hug. For a while, we just stand there while he cries into my shoulder.

For a while, we are just two brothers, finally connected.

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Now that Brynn has been released from the hospital, I have finally decided to accept Shauna's request to talk to her about things. Before her attempt, I felt that it'd be inappropriate to act as a counselor to her since we are practically family. But now, I realize that as a family member, I completely failed her. She didn't need a counselor. She just needed someone. And I plan to be someone for her now before things get even worse.

Zeke and Shauna tell me that they will stay in the living room while I talk to her in her room. She is already there since she's been pretty tired from the medication that was prescribed to her upon leaving the hospital.

I take a deep breath, as I knock on the door. I hear her voice faintly telling me to come in, and I open the door slowly. When I walk in, I see her lying there in her bed, her eyes tired. I smile a little at her, as I close the door behind me and walk over to her bed. She sits up a bit, as I sit down on the bed next to her.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Tired," she says, her voice a bit raspy as if she just woke up. "But I'm okay, I guess."

"You can tell me if you're not," I tell her.

She shrugs a little and looks down.

"They said I'll be okay if I give it some time," she mutters.

"Well, that is true. Things do get better over time, but-"

"I'm so tired of hearing that," she sighs.

"What?"

"All that 'it gets better stuff.'"

"Why?" I ask.

She looks at me hesitantly for a moment before she finally speaks.

"I just don't think that it works like that for everyone," she shrugs. "I mean, how would you know that things are going to get better from me when you don't even know what's going on with me?"

"I don't." She looks at me as if she wasn't expecting that answer. "But I know that I used to say the exact same thing."

"Really?" she asks hesitantly.

I nod my head at her, as I lean back against the headboard and sigh.

"You know, you and I are a lot alike, Brynn. Heck, I remember the first time you met me, and one of the first things you said was that I was an orphan just like you."

I smile a little, as I nudge her teasingly. Surprisingly, she smiles back just a little before looking down.

"You're so much like how I was at your age," I continue. "Even if you don't want to tell your parents what's going on, I think it would help you to tell me at least. I may not be your best friend in the world, but at least I might be able to relate to what you're dealing with."

"No offense, Aunt Tris, but I don't think you could relate," she says.

I nudge her again, making her look up.

"Try me."

She looks at me thoughtfully for a moment, but I say nothing else.

"Your life is, like, perfect," she says.

"Yeah, now. But it wasn't always like that."

"What happened, then?" she asks.

"I'll tell you," I say. "I'll tell you everything, if you tell me, too."

"Will you tell my parents what I say?" she asks quietly.

"No." I hold up my hand. "I promise."

She sits there for a moment, staring at my hand, before she finally sighs and loops her pinky finger around mine.

"Okay, fine," she says. "But you go first."

"Do you want to know everything?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says quietly, as she leans back too.

"All right, here goes." I take a deep breath, as I rest our still connected hands on the bed between us. "Well, you already know that I lost both my parents. But even before that, my parents and I didn't have the best relationship. My father was emotionally and verbally abusive, and my mother allowed it. He was never the same way toward my brother, though. He just really hated me."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He just did. He made that clear all the time, to the point that when I found out he was gone... I actually felt a little relieved. But that just made me feel terrible because, well, he's my father. Anyway, right after they died, I moved in with my older brother, but we never really got along. After he took me in, I met your Aunt Christina. She was a smoker at the time. Basically, she told me that smoking would make all my pain go away, so I ended up becoming a smoker too. It doesn't, though. Just F-Y-I."

"Noted," she says. "Keep going."

"Shortly after, I started dating this guy named Peter. He was nice at first, and then all of a sudden, he wasn't."

"What did he do?"

"First, it was just comments. He would say mean things. And then, he started hitting me, too." I bite down on my lip for a moment to steady myself, but the tense silence between us now only makes it harder. "Eventually, I found out that he was selling drugs, and he told me that if I ever told anyone, he would kill me. I started smoking a lot more, and I started... well, hurting myself too. After a while, I was able to get away from him because he got arrested, but I didn't stop smoking or hurting myself. One day, somebody told the school that I was hurting myself, and I ended up having to go to the hospital just like you for a psych evaluation.

"But when I was released, I just kept doing all of the things I shouldn't have been doing. One day, I got into a fight with my brother and wandered off on my own, and I ended up running into Peter again in an alleyway. He almost hurt me again, but then..."

"Then?" she presses.

"You're gonna love this part," I say, smiling slightly. "Your uncle Four came into the alleyway and stopped him."

"Wow," she says, smiling slightly as well.

"Yeah," I chuckle. "As we got closer, I found out that he was the one that told the school I was hurting myself. And to be honest, I kinda hated him for a while. But obviously, that's over now."

She laughs lightly at this, as I take another breath to steady myself.

"When we got together, things were actually okay for a little while," I continue. "But then, my brother got mad that I was dating someone older than me, and he kicked me out. And around the same time, one of our friends also attempted."

"Did she..." She shifts a little. "Did she live?"

"No," I say quietly. "She didn't. It was hard on everyone, especially your uncle Uri. She was his best friend. But everyone was devastated. To be honest, I just felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. The night that I moved in with Tori..."

I become uncomfortably aware of her eyes on me, as I try to find the will to finish the sentence.

"The night that I moved in with her, I attempted, too." I force myself to look at her only to find that she was already staring at me in shock. "Four saved me that night, too. Brynn, I could also tell you about the time I got jumped, the time I got shot, and I could tell you about going into a coma, but I think you get the point."

"You..." She shakes her head a little. "You got shot?"

"I was right out of high school," I say. "And I attempted when I was 16. So I think I know a little bit about what's going on in your head right now."

I look at her, as she continues to stare at me in shock.

"The point that I'm trying to make is that it seems like the end of the world right now, but it's not. I mean, think about it. If I had died that night, I never would have married Four. He would have been devastated. To this day, it's still hard for him to talk about that night. If I had died, I wouldn't have had Hope who I love more than anything in the world. I wouldn't have met you."

I nudge her again, and she looks at me sadly.

"I know that it can get tiring to always hear people say 'it gets better' when it just doesn't seem like it. I just want you to try to remember that there's so much waiting for you in the future that you can't even guess at right now."

"Yeah," she says quietly, as she looks down at her lap.

"I think it's your turn," I say, patting her hand lightly.

"Well..." she sighs. "You really won't tell my parents?"

I hold up my hand again.

"Want me to promise again?"

"No, it's okay." Her fingers start to worry over the sheets, as she takes a deep breath. "The truth is, my best friend kinda turned on me, and her and her friends have been bullying me."

"Why?" I ask.

"She found out that I had a crush on her." She looks up at me slowly, as if she is afraid that I too am going to reject her. I take her hand in mine to show that it is okay, and she seems to relax a little. "After they started bullying me, I just didn't want anyone else to know. Especially not Mom and Dad."

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it might actually help to tell your parents this."

"What if they stop liking me, too?" she says. "What if they kick me out or something?"

"Brynn, I've known your parents since I was sixteen," I say. "They would never hate you, especially not because of this. They have no problem with things like this, and if you haven't noticed, they love you like crazy."

She says nothing for a moment, she simply looks down at her lap thoughtfully.

"In the off chance that they suddenly turned evil, and they do kick you out," I say, making her smile a little, "my house is always open to you."

Finally, she nods and looks up at me, her eyes starting to tear up.

"Will you help me?" she asks softly. "Tell them, I mean?"

I nod at her, as I squeeze her hand lightly.

"I'll help you with anything and everything," I tell her. "You and I are gonna get through this together."

She smiles a little, her eyes becoming more glassy, before she moves to rest her head on my shoulder.

"And it's gonna get better, right?" she asks, her voice shaking a little.

"Yeah, it's gonna get better," I say, stroking her hand. "That's a promise."

* * *

 **Shauna POV**

* * *

After what feels like hours of sitting in the living room and watching television as if nothing is wrong, I finally hear the door to Brynn's room open again. I look around, as Tris walks into the room and looks between Zeke and me.

"She said she's ready to talk," she says quietly.

It seems that that was all we needed to hear. Immediately, Zeke stands up, and I follow him as he rushes to Brynn's room. I can sense Tris behind us, but she doesn't say anything else as she follow us into the room.

"Hey, sweetie," Zeke says, as he sits at the end of her bed, and I stay next to the bed. "Feeling any better?"

"A little more awake," she says.

She looks at Tris expectantly, as she sits down next to her on the bed before she looks at us again. It pains me to see her like this, and it takes everything I have to not beg her to tell us everything right this second. Instead, I hold my tongue and wait, knowing that she won't say anything if I pressure her. I watch, as Tris nods at her encouragingly.

"I have something to tell you guys," she says, her voice just barely a whisper. "The truth is, Caroline and her friends have been bullying me because..."

"What is it, sweetheart?" I ask carefully.

She looks at me, her eyes tearing up, as she takes a deep breath.

"Because she found out I had a crush on her."

She looks down immediately after, and I just sit there frozen, as I watch Tris rub her back comfortingly.

"That's what this is about?" They all look at me. I let out a short laugh of relief, as my own eyes begin to tear up. "Why didn't you tell us that?"

"I was scared," she says, shrugging. "I mean, everyone else hates me now. I thought..."

"No," Zeke says even though she didn't finish the sentence. "Brynn, we could never hate you. We love you, no matter what."

"And we accept you no matter what," I add. "You can love whoever you want, sweetheart. We're still going to love you."

She ducks her head, and I feel a pain in my chest, as she starts to cry. I wheel myself over and take her hand in mine. She looks up at me briefly before she pushes herself forward so that she can wrap her arms around me. I squeeze my eyes shut, as I hold onto her.

"We love you, Brynn." I pull away just enough to look at her, and I bring my hand to her face to wipe some of the tears away. "And no matter what we have to do, we're going to figure this out."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

"Daddy?"

"Don't you ask for another story; I already read you two."

I smile at Hope, but she simply pouts back at me, as I pull the blanket over her body. The smile disappears from my face, as I watch her. When Tori watched her, she mentioned that Hope seemed more down and quiet than usual. She has been a little more quiet than usual since Brynn went to the hospital. But since I was able to get her to play and have some fun today, I was hoping that that would be over. It seems that she is still upset though.

"What's the matter?" I ask, brushing her hair away from her face.

"I miss Brynn," she says, still pouting. "Mommy went to see her, but I didn't see her. I don't want her to be sad."

"Well, I'm sure that Brynn misses you too. But you can see her soon, I promise."

"When?" she asks.

"Just soon. Would I lie to you?"

I bring my hand to her side and tickle her lightly through the blanket, and she giggles.

"No," she says.

"That's right," I say. "Daddy never lies, you know that."

"I know," she says, still smiling.

"And Daddy says it's time to go to sleep." I stand up and she watches me, still smiling a little. "I love you, baby."

"Love you too," she says quietly.

I can't help but smile, as I feel that familiar rush of happiness that I feel every time she says those words. I say goodnight to her before switching on her night light and turning off the main light. I close the door behind me and walk through the hallway until I reach our bedroom. As soon as I walk in, I see Tris sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down at her phone. When I close the door behind me, she looks up as if she just realized that I was here. She smiles at me, as I move to sit down next to her.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask, as I wrap my arm around her waist.

"Good news, for a change," she says, still smiling. "Christina is pregnant again."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she just texted me," she says, lifting her phone slightly.

"Texted? I'm surprised she didn't need to organize an entire production to announce it."

She rolls her eyes at me, though she is smiling at the comment too.

"Whatever, I'm happy for her. Plus I think it'll be a nice distraction from what's been going on lately."

She looks down at her lap, as she absently runs her fingers over her phone. I can tell that she is starting to think about Brynn again, and I immediately feel the urge to say something to make her happy again.

"You know what?"

She looks up at me.

"What?"

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten pregnant again," I say with a smirk.

She snorts at this before pushing me, but I keep my arm around her anyway.

"I'm on the pill," she mutters. "You know that."

"I may have forgotten," I say, rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand.

"Well, how about a reminder?"

I look at her, and she smirks back at me. Before I can say anything, she leans into me and presses her lips to mine. I pull her into my lap, and we continue for a moment before she breaks the kiss and brings her hand to my cheek.

"I love you, Tobias," she whispers.

"I love you, beautiful," I say. "Never doubt it."

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

Aunt Tris said that she would start teaching me self defense, since apparently Uncle Four taught her when they were younger. She said that I should only use it if someone tries to hurt me first, not to attack others. My parents decided that they would also talk to the principal of my school. While I was completely against that, it actually has helped just a little. Though it was embarrassing and scary, the teachers have been paying more attention and walking through the hallways more so that Caroline and her friends have less opportunities to harass me.

Going back to school was terrifying in and of itself, but I knew it was something I would have to do eventually. Still, nobody really talks to me or anything. But they also don't get to harass me as much as they used to, so that is a plus I guess.

Aunt Tris also recommended an LGBT group at my school. It meets after school, and she said that it might help me come to terms with things if I can talk about it with other people my age who are going through similar things. She told me that she used to go to a support group too when she was my age, and she also added that I might be able to make some friends from it.

Once school is over, I walk through the hallways until I reach the classroom where the meetings are supposed to be. There is even a sign on the door with the meeting information on it. I stop in front of the door and take a deep breath. Luckily, the hallways are pretty much cleared out by now since the buses will be leaving soon, which means that I could just stand out here contemplating if I really want to go in for as long as I want.

"Hey, look, it's the freak!"

I guess I spoke too soon.

I feel my entire body tense up, as I look around and see Caroline along with two of her friends staring back at me. My nerves spike, as I realize that there are currently no teachers around in the hallway. I know that I could escape by going into the classroom where the meeting will be. There is most likely a teacher in there. Still, my feet feel glued to the ground.

"Oh, wow," Caroline says with a smirk. "She's even going to a 'Dykes Anonymous' meeting!"

I clench my jaw, as the three of them laugh. I take a deep breath, trying to ready myself for the harassment that I know is coming.

"Is there a problem?"

I look over my shoulder only to see another girl approaching us. She glances at me before she stops next to me and looks at the three of them. I look at Caroline just as she raises an eyebrow at the girl.

"What are you?" Caroline scoffs. "Her girlfriend, or something?"

"I damn well might be," the girl says without hesitation.

"Wow," Caroline smirks. "It's like invasion of the dykes-"

"You know what, let's cut the crap," the girl says sharply. "I have a purple belt. I've beaten up grown men, and I'm sure as hell not afraid to beat you up, so I suggest you leave my girlfriend alone."

The smirk disappears from Caroline's face, as her two friends look at her as if to see what she will do. Finally, she tries to shrug nonchalantly.

"Doesn't surprise me, Butch," she mutters.

Before the girl can say anymore, Caroline turns and walks away, her friends following along after her like lost puppies. I breathe out in relief before looking at the girl, only to find that she was already smiling back at me.

"Thanks," I say. "For that."

"Any time," she shrugs. "I'm Sophia, by the way."

"Brynn."

"Cute name," she says, smiling again.

I feel my cheeks heat up at the comment, but I can only hope that I am not blushing visibly.

"So, are you here for the meeting?" I ask.

"I am," she nods. "But I think you and I should hang out after."

"Why do you say that?" I ask, trying to ignore the rush in my chest.

"Because," she starts, as she reaches for the door handle and holds the door open for me. "I am going to teach you to stand up for yourself, my friend."


	61. Chapter 61

**Wow, it's been a while. I'm not sure if anyone still cares about this story, but if anyone does: Welcome back!**

 **I've been crazy busy, and I still am, but I never stopped thinking about this story! I don't plan for there to be Many more chapters after this, but a lot still has to happen in those few chapters lol.**

 **Thank you to IAmDivergent246, BeatriceEaton46, yanb, 1991-Old-school-kid, Morganite109, It'sHardIKnow, SheWhoTurnedToDust, Naruisawesome, crazy4Glee123, kathyb, Jojoboo90, Bravery4664, and Guest for your kind words.**

 **If anyone is still reading this, I hope you like this chapter! Please let me know :)**

* * *

 **5 Years Later**

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

It's amazing how things can completely turn around. Ever since Aunt Tris taught me self defense and Sophia taught me how to stand up for myself, I am more confident than I have ever been. Caroline and her minions even left me alone for the most part for the rest of my high school career since I was able to defend myself.

And even though Sophia went to a different high school, we would always see each other at the LGBT support group or we would find time to hang out after school, and she was always proud of me when I told her that I stood up for myself.

Even after all this time, Sophia is without a doubt my best friend. She even helped me with my college applications, and we ended up going to the same college. Chicago State University, just like Mom and Dad apparently, so of course they were thrilled when I got in.

Mom and Dad also loved Sophia as soon as they met her. I brought her home to meet the entire family at my birthday party. I was so nervous about her meeting Mom and Dad that I didn't even notice at first when she left my side to go talk to Aunt Tris. But when I finally did notice, I asked if they knew each other, and they both laughed before Sophia explained that Aunt Tris was the counselor who recommended the LGBT group to her. Once she had a connection in the room, Sophia quickly became the life of the party.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that even now, in college, we spend almost all of our time together. Now, we are sitting in the courtyard doing homework together. Which really means that we are sitting and talking with open textbooks in our laps.

At the moment, she is talking about the barista at the local coffee shop who she has been hooked on for a while, and I can't help but feel a sadness settle in me.

Even after all this time, I haven't been able to shake the attraction that I felt right from the moment that I met her. It seems like she'll never return those feelings. But I just hope that she never notices that I feel that way toward her; I wouldn't want her to get uncomfortable and stop being my friend.

"Hey, airhead!" she calls out, tossing her pencil at me.

"What?" I chuckle, as I swat the pencil away.

"I asked you something," she says, though she is still smiling. "Were you listening?"

"Yes." She gives me a look, and I roll my eyes. "No. What did you say?"

"I said that it's almost time for you to declare a major, and-"

"Oh, we're actually gonna talk about school for once?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Would you rather I keep talking about Bri the barista?"

"God, no," I mutter.

"Well, there's your answer," she smirks. "Anyway, have you decided what you're going to major in?"

"I don't know," I sigh. "We can't all be put together like you."

"I'm hardly put together," she says. "I've just wanted to be a teacher for years."

"Yeah, you're good at it. I mean, you taught me how to stand up for myself. You're obviously a natural. I don't have anything like that. There's nothing that I'm, like, really good at."

"Well, that's not true," she says, smiling a little. "You're a really good listener."

"That's not a career, Soph."

"No, it's not, Brynn," she says, rolling her eyes. "What I mean is, you're really good at listening to people and helping. I mean, you always help me with my problems even when they're not important. You really care about people, you know? What about social work or something?"

I look down at the textbook in my lap absently, as I think about it. Though I find it hard to think straight when I can feel her eyes on me, as she waits for an answer.

"That's not a bad idea," I say finally. "Maybe I could work with adopted children, too, or something."

"That'd be perfect for you," she says softly. "We can figure out details later. But for now, I think you've chosen your major. Yes?"

She smiles when I look up at her, and a familiar sensation courses through me. I fake a smile, forcing myself to ignore it. Like I always do. I nod my head at her, and her smile widens.

"Yes."

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

"All right, dinner's ready," I call out. "Everybody take a seat!"

As I pick up the food that I prepared in the serving dish, I can hear Uriah in the other room corralling both of our children. Luckily, by the time I carry the food over to the table in the other room, Lucas is already sitting at the table, and Marley is giggling, as Uriah picks her up and places her in her chair.

I watch them, as he smiles down at her before sitting down as well, and I can't help but smile as well just from looking at my beautiful family. I remind myself to sit down and start dishing out the food since I know that Marley will get antsy if we wait too long. And she has a habit of trying to kick Lucas under the table when she gets antsy.

"So, how was school, Lucas?" Uriah asks once we all have our food.

"Good," he says just before shoving a forkful of food into his mouth.

"You went to play baseball with your friends after school, right?" Uriah tries again. "How was that? Think you might want to join a team soon?"

"I don't know," he shrugs, still looking down at his food.

Uriah looks at him for a moment, confused, before he looks at me. I shake my head a little to tell him that I don't know what is going on either. But before either of us can say anything, Marley loudly interjects to tell us about her day. We listen to her talk excitedly about her day, but the entire time, I can't help but wonder why Lucas is being so quiet.

Once we have all finished eating, I ask Lucas to stay behind and help me clean up while Uriah makes sure that Marley goes to clean her hands. We are quiet for awhile save for me telling him to bring me the dishes so that I can start washing them.

"Mom," he says, as he places the dishes on the counter.

"Yeah, honey?"

There is silence for a moment, as I start to put on my cleaning gloves so that I can wash the dishes. Finally, I look at him only to see that he is staring down at the counter.

"I don't think I wanna do baseball," he says quietly.

"Okay." He looks up a little, and I smile at him to reassure him. "That's okay, Luke. Did you want to do another sport?"

He looks at me for a moment before he shifts uncomfortably and shrugs his shoulders.

"Dance," he mumbles.

"Dance?" I repeat, raising my eyebrows at him. He opens his mouth as if to respond, but then he stops and simply nods his head instead. "You want to dance?"

"Yeah," he nearly whispers. "When I hang out with Hope, she teaches me everything she learned at dance. It's really fun."

I stare at him surprised for a moment, but he doesn't say anything else. My first thought is the torment that he might get from the other kids for being a boy in dance classes. But as I try to think of a way to say something about it, I look at the hopeful look on my son's face. How he is staring at me as if he is waiting to see if I will get mad at him, and I let out a sigh.

"Will it make you happy?" I ask. He looks at me and nods hesitantly. "Okay, then. We can find a class for you."

"Really?" I nod at him and smile when he does. "Should I tell Dad?"

I pause for a moment, as I imagine Uriah's reaction to his son asking for dance classes. I scrunch my nose and shake my head.

"Maybe you should leave that to me."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Lucas is a combination of all the good things in Christina and Uriah. But Marley is the spitting image of Christina. And I can't help but laugh, as she attempts to braid Hope's hair while Lucas watches, making fun of his sister the entire time.

The cartoons playing on the television have been all but forgotten. The only person watching them now is Tobias, who is sitting on the couch next to me, as the kids sit on the blankets that we laid down on the floor.

Christina and Uriah decided to have a date night, which left Tobias and I to watch the kids. I don't mind though, since they do the same for us every now and then. I especially don't mind it since I love watching them all interact with each other; their bond makes me so happy. Mostly because I am so happy that they are having the childhood that I never had.

"I'm gonna make you so pretty!" Marley proclaims, as she continues to mess up Hope's hair.

"She sounds just like Christina," I say only loud enough for Tobias to hear. He chuckles in response just as Hope yelps from Marley pulling her hair too hard. "Careful, Marley!"

"Beauty is pain!" she recites.

" _Just_ like Christina," Tobias mutters.

"All right, I think it's time to settle down," I say, as I reach for Marley so that she releases Hope's hair. "Why don't you guys lay down, and we'll put on the movie. Does everyone have enough blanket?"

"Yeah!" they all seem to chirp in unison, as they start to settle into the pillows and blankets that we laid down.

I can't help but smile down at them, as I get up to put in the movie. They decided that they wanted to watch Beauty and the Beast, and luckily we had a copy since Amar decided to give us a copy as a wedding gift since he usually refers to us as Beauty and Beast.

I turn off all the lights but one of the lamps before sitting back down on the couch with Tobias. He puts his arm around me, and when I look at him, he is looking down at the kids who are now staring at the screen and giggling and whispering to each other every now and then.

I nudge him, making him look at me. My eyes focus on his lips, as they curl into a smile. He brings his hand up to my cheek and leans into me until our lips meet. I find myself smiling against his lips, as I make a realization. Even after all this time, he still looks at me and kisses me the way he did when we first started dating. I was always worried that he might not feel such attraction toward me as we got older. But so far, he's proven me wrong.

"Gross!" I hear Marley yell.

We break apart and look down only to see that the kids are all looking up at us. I feel my cheeks start to burn, as they all start snickering at us.

"Hey, if you guys aren't watching this, that's fine," Tobias says, vaguely gesturing toward the television. "I can just put on a boring adult movie and-"

"No!" Marley and Lucas whine simultaneously.

"All right, you know what to do then."

Hope giggles, as the two turn around quickly and start watching the movie again. She looks at us for a moment with a smile on her face before she turns around, too.

"Where we we?" he says just loud enough for me to hear.

* * *

I look down at my phone, as I sit behind my desk. I promised Brynn that I would send her a picture of Hope on her first day of fifth grade, but it slipped my mind yesterday. Just as I send the picture, I hear a knock at my door.

"Mrs. Eaton?"

When I look up, I see a young girl standing in my doorway, her fist still suspended in the air from knocking on my door. A strange sensation courses through me, as I look at her. She looks so familiar, but I cannot quite place it.

"Hello," I greet her. "Come in."

"Thanks," she says quietly, as she walks forward and sits down in the chair in front of my desk.

"What can I do for you?"

I smile at her, but I feel my smile falter as she looks at me wordlessly for a moment.

"Nothing, really." She shrugs. "I just started here, so I figured I should come meet you just in case... I need something later."

"Of course," I say slowly. "I'm always here if you need to talk about anything."

"Great." She clears her throat, as her eyes wander over to the picture of Hope that I keep on my desk. "Is she yours?"

I glance down at the picture as well before looking at her again, but she is still staring at it.

"Yes, that's my daughter," I say.

"Does she have any... I don't know, cousins or anything?"

"Why do you ask?"

She looks up at me again briefly before her eyes lower to the floor.

"No reason." She stands up from the chair. "I should probably go. It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Eaton."

"You as well," I say, as she starts walking toward the door. "But I don't think I ever got your name."

She stops in her tracks, in the middle of the doorway. For a moment I consider saying something more. But finally, she turns to look at me nervously.

"Rachel," she says. "Rachel Prior."


	62. Chapter 62

**Hi, friends! I'm sorry it took me so long to upload- life has been horribly crazy lately. But I'm pushing through it, and I felt like updating my stories would help make me feel better, so there's that :)**

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 **I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

 _"I should probably go. It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Eaton."_

 _"You as well," I say, as she starts walking toward the door. "But I don't think I ever got your name."_

 _She stops in her tracks, in the middle of the doorway. For a moment I consider saying something more. But finally, she turns to look at me nervously._

 _"Rachel," she says. "Rachel Prior."_

She stares at me for a moment from my office's doorway, and I find myself staring back at her. Suddenly, it makes sense why this student looks so familiar to me. It hits me immediately that some of her features match my brother's almost exactly. I open my mouth to say something, but I stop myself. I remind myself that Prior isn't exactly the most outlandish last name there is. I try to convince myself that, maybe, it is just a coincidence. But the look in her eyes makes that hard to believe.

"Rachel-"

"Do you know who I am?" she asks.

There is silence again except for the sound of the clock on the wall ticking loudly, adding to the tension between us.

"I think so."

She turns back around to face me fully, and it is only then that I realize that her eyes are starting to tear up.

"Please don't tell my dad I talked to you," she says shakily. "Or... I mean, your brother. Please. I was just so curious. I wanted to know who you were."

"Rachel, I..." I shake my head, trying to find any words. Anything at all. "I don't understand. I mean, I didn't even know-"

"You didn't know about me," she finishes. "I know. My dad didn't want you to know. He didn't want me to know about you either, but I pushed it out of him. All I knew was I had an aunt out there somewhere. So I did my research, and I found you... here."

I stare at her, still in shock, as she lets out a sigh and slowly takes her place in the chair in front of my desk again. She pulls her bag into her lap and stares down at it, as her fingers worry over the strap.

"I needed to know that you were real," she says quietly before she finally looks up at me again. "That you were still around. My dad, sometimes I think he misses you. He always gets so upset when I ask about you. I've even caught him looking at a picture of you a couple times."

"That's not possible," I say. "He kicked _me_ out."

She looks at me for a moment, her lips pursed, before she lets out a deep shaky breath.

"I don't know anything about that. But I know that he misses you. I can feel it. And I..." She takes a deep breath, as her eyes wander over to the picture of Hope on my desk. "I just knew that there was someone else besides my parents and my mom's parents. I just knew there had to be someone else out there. You have no idea how long I've wanted to know you."

"Rachel..."

Before I can think of anything to say, the bell rings. Rachel sniffles and quickly wipes away a tear that escaped, as she stands up with her bag in hand.

"I've gotta go," she says quickly. "But please, don't tell him I talked to you. Please."

"Rachel, wait."

I watch almost helplessly, as she scurries from the room. Leaving me to sit here and try desperately to absorb everything that just happened.

* * *

I can feel Tobias staring at me from across the couch even though I am looking down. I decided to sew Hope's ballet shoes after dinner since she is currently at Christina and Uriah's house for dinner because her and Lucas were working on homework together. Since Hope wasn't around, I figured that it was also the best time to tell Tobias about Rachel. He hasn't said much in return, so I have to assume that he is just as shocked as me. Eventually, I am forced to look up when he puts his hand over mine so that I have to stop sewing. He looks at me, concern in his eyes.

"Why don't you take a break for a second?"

"No, I..." I shake my head, as I look down at the ballet shoe. "This has to be done by tomorrow, and-"

"Tris." I look up again, as he gently slides the shoe and the attached needle and thread out of my hand. "Just take a minute."

I let out a sigh, as I watch him place it down on the coffee table in front of us before he takes my hands in his. His other hand reaches up to push my hair back, and I close my eyes to appreciate the feeling.

"Come here," he says.

I open my eyes and look at him again, as he opens his arms for me. Wordlessly, I stand up and sit back down in his lap and rest my head on his shoulder, as he puts his arms around me. I close my eyes, as he uses one of his hands to stroke my hair.

"He didn't even tell me," I say quietly.

I feel his hand stop for a moment before he continues the movement.

"Well," he sighs, "we didn't tell him about Hope either."

"That's different," I mutter, even though I have nothing to back that up. I feel him nod, but he doesn't say anything. "Why does this matter to me so much?"

"Is it possible that you miss him, too?" he asks. "That you wish you had stayed with him?"

I lift my head so that I can look him in the eye, and he looks back at me, seemingly concerned.

"He made me choose between you and him."

"Do you regret what you chose?"

"No," I answer without hesitation. I bring my hand to his cheek, and this time, he closes his eyes. "I'd choose you every time. You know that."

He nods his head before opening his eyes again. I lower my head a bit, and he brings his lips to my forehead.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do," I say. "I mean, I feel bad for Rachel. But I doubt that my brother ever wants to see me again."

"Well, do you want to see him?" he asks, his lips just barely touching my forehead still.

"No... I don't know."

He pulls back just enough to look me in the eyes.

"I think you'll have to decide soon," he says.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I think you're right."

"But just know," he says, resting his forehead on mine, "that you don't have to decide right this second."

"What makes you say that?"

"Your impulsiveness." I roll my eyes at him, as he smirks back at me. "I know you just want to figure this out, but you really need to think about it first. And in the meantime, just think: If you had stayed with Caleb all those years ago, we wouldn't be here together right now. You wouldn't have all of the friends that you have now. You wouldn't have Tori or Hope. I think that's something to keep in mind."

I can't help but smile just a little at his words, and he returns the smile, his eyes focusing on my lips.

"I'm so happy with you," I tell him. "You know that, right?"

He nods a bit, his eyes still focused on my lips, but he doesn't say anything. Finally, he leans into me, bringing his lips to mine. I close my eyes, allowing the feeling of his lips on mine to quiet the rest of my thoughts. Soon, nothing else seems to matter. Not my brother or his daughter or anything else. I find myself smiling against him, as I think to myself that after all these years, he still knows how to make me feel completely at peace.

"Ahem."

We both seem to jump at the same time, making me nearly fall out of Tobias' lap, but I manage to grab onto his shoulders and stay there. I look up and see Hope standing in the doorway, smiling sheepishly at us.

"Hope," I say before clearing my throat. "What- what are you-"

"We thought you were with Lucas," Tobias cuts in.

"I was," she says, raising an eyebrow. "But then Christina offered to drive me home."

"Well, that was, uhm... nice of her," I say awkwardly.

"Yeah," she says, obviously holding back a laugh. "I just wanted to let you guys know I'm home. But I'll go upstairs since you guys are busy."

"No, we're just-"

"Goodnight!"

She grins, as she turns and walks out of the room. It is only then that I realize that my face is burning up. I turn to look at Tobias only to find that he is smirking back at me.

"What?"

"You're so awkward," he chuckles.

"I am not!" He laughs again, as I hit his chest with my palm. "I just thought it was a little weird for our daughter to walk in on us like this."

"Better her than Amar, I think," he shrugs.

I roll my eyes, as I remember all the times that Amar would walk in on us when Tobias was training me.

"Actually, I think I might rather Amar in this case," I mutter.

"I wouldn't," he says, drawing me in closer to him again. "Amar can only make fun of us. At least, when Hope walks in on us, she'll see something different."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." He smiles, as he reaches up to push my hair behind my ear. "When she sees us like this, she's going to know that we love each other and that we're happy together. I didn't have that growing up, and I know you didn't either. But at least now, she'll grow up seeing what love looks like."

"I guess you're right," I say.

"I _am_ right." I roll my eyes, though I find myself unable to return the smile. He starts to lean in to me again. "Let's lead by example some more, shall we?"

* * *

 **Christina POV**

* * *

Although Uriah wasn't all for Lucas taking dance classes, he finally allowed it because he knew that it would make Lucas happy. Luckily, I was able to get him signed up for a class at the same studio where Hope dances. In fact, her class is in the time slot right after his beginner class, so he will also get to see her between their classes.

I can't help but smile, as I watch the class through the room's window. He looks so happy in his class that any worries I had about this seem to disappear, at least for now. He also seems to be picking up the moves fairly easily.

"Hey, Christina!"

I look over my shoulder and see Hope walking toward me, clutching onto her dance bag. She smiles, as she comes to stand next to me.

"Hey, Hope," I say. "You're here a little early, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she shrugs. "Dad dropped me off early because I wanted to see how Lucas is doing."

"Well, he's doing great," I tell her, returning my attention to the class. "And he seems very happy."

"Totally." There is silence between us for a moment, as we both watch the class. "I think it's really cool that you guys did this."

"What do you mean?" I ask, looking at her again.

"This," she says, smiling at me. "I know you guys felt weird about it, but it's so cool that you let him do it anyway. He really loves it."

"Yeah," I say, returning her smile. "I can see that."

"And you don't have to worry about people at school making fun of him," she continues. "I took care of it."

"What, when you pushed that boy in your kindergarten class?" I chuckle.

"Yeah," she grins. "And everyone after that, too. Whenever someone was mean to him, I told them to back off. People made fun of him a lot because most of his friends are girls. But the good thing is, he has all those girls on his side. No one even tries to bother him anymore."

"Really?" She nods at me. "Well, I'm glad he has a friend like you to look out for him."

"And I'm glad he has you guys," she says, nudging my shoulder with hers. "I'm gonna go get ready."

"All right." I reach out to hug her briefly. "I'll see you later, cutie."

She smiles at me one more time before she walks away, and I look into the class again. It seems that class is over, and the teacher is just talking to them now. I watch, as the kids laugh, seemingly at a joke that the teacher just said. I find myself unable to hold back my own smile, as I watch Lucas smile up at his teacher.

I think back to myself in my teen years. How I spent all of my time going to parties, drinking, and smoking cigarettes. I know that Uriah isn't completely comfortable with Lucas taking up dance, and I cannot say that I expected it either. But in moments like this, when I get to see him so happy and really enjoying his childhood, I realize that things could be so much worse. As long as he is healthy and happy, I will be happy too.

As long as he doesn't live the way that I did, I will be proud of him.

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

When we went to our college's formal dance in freshman year, we focused on the formal aspect of it. And because of that, we showed up to the dance looking dressed up and beautiful as ever. We were also the only sober people there, and it was possibly one of the most awkward nights of my life. The entire night, Sophia kept declaring that we would be prepared for next year's formal dance.

And now, next year's formal dance is here. Since we are only sophomores, and therefore underage, we decided to drink in Sophia's room, along with a few of our friends, while we get ready.

I can feel my hands shaking, as I fix my hair. I have never really had alcohol before, and it is especially scary because I am underage, and I cannot even imagine how my parents would react if they found out. Still, Sophia basically spent the entire year convincing me that it would be fine, and I finally agreed to try it recently, so it seems like it's too late to back out.

As our friends look at the bottles that Sophia somehow acquired through one of her older friends, Sophia walks over to me. She stands behind me and looks at me through the mirror that I was standing in front of.

"Don't you look gorgeous!" she exclaims in a silly voice, as she messes with my dress a bit.

I roll my eyes at her, as she grins back at me.

"What, are you already drunk?"

"Please," she scoffs. "This is just me, you know that."

I turn around to face her, and I can't help but look at her for a moment. She has already done her hair and makeup as well and put her dress on. She smiles as she reaches up to fix my hair.

"Do I have to do this?" I ask.

"Brynn," she groans, rolling her eyes. "You don't _have_ to, but you also don't have to freak out this much. It'll be fun! And it's not like I'm gonna get piss-drunk, so I'll still be able to watch out for you."

"And we can, too!" one of our friend calls from across the room.

"See?" She chuckles. "We got you!"

I look at our friends who have now returned their attention to the bottles, as they talk and laugh amongst themselves. Then, I look back at Sophia who is still staring at me hopefully. I roll my eyes, as I make the realization that I find it impossible to say no to her.

"Fine," I sigh.

"Yes!" she cries out, as she grabs my hand and starts leading me over to our friends. "Let's do this!"

I roll my eyes at her again, as we sit down with the others. After a short discussion of which bottle is the best one, they finally choose one and start pouring it out into plastic cups. One of them turns on music on her phone while they continue to talk about anything and everything. But I find it hard to focus on the conversation they are having when they hand me one of the cups. I look down at it, and I can feel myself getting nervous.

"Hey." I look up at Sophia who has leaned closer to me so that only I will hear her. "There's nothing to be scared of. We've got you."

I realize that I am barely breathing because of how close to me she is, but I force myself to nod anyway and look back down at my cup. Slowly, I begin to bring the cup up to my lips, and I hear one of my friends announce that I am actually doing it. I can't help but smile a little, and I hear the rest of them laugh, as I take the first sip. The taste isn't terrible, but I wince at the burning feeling in my throat as it goes down.

"She did it!" Sophia yells. "Cheers!"

The rest of the girls also start cheering, as they all raise their cups into the air. I laugh, as I watch them. Even though I am still nervous about drinking, I hold onto the hope that tonight is going to be a good night.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Though Tris has gotten a little better at it over the years, she still has a hard time cooking, which means that I am usually the one that cooks dinner for us. That also means that she wanted me to teach Hope everything I know so that she won't have a hard time cooking, too, when she gets older.

Currently, Hope is standing next to me, as I stir the food in the pot. I glance at her, as I stir, and I see her leaning against the counter and staring at the ground.

"Are you all right?" I ask her, as I cover the pot.

She looks up at me and shrugs.

"Yeah," she says simply.

I turn to face her completely, and I cross my arms over my chest.

"Why are you staring at the floor like that, then? Is it talking to you?"

"No," she snorts.

"'Cause if it's being mean to you, I can have a word with it-"

"Dad, stop," she chuckles, as she rolls her eyes.

I smile back at her, as I lean against the counter as well.

"Well, what is it, then?" I ask.

She looks at me for a moment before her eyes return to the floor. She shifts around for a moment, like she often does, since she's always had a hard time standing still. Tris says that's one of the things that makes her such a great dancer.

"It was just this thing we were doing in school," she shrugs, still not looking at me.

"What was it?" I ask.

She looks up at me and purses her lips, as if she is trying to figure out how to say it.

"We were talking about family trees," she says quietly. "My teacher wanted us to make our own, and I didn't know how to do it."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Grandma and Grandpa," she says, referring to Tori and Amar. "They're not, like, my real grandparents, right?"

"Not exactly," I mutter.

"So, then..." She shrugs a little. "Who are my real grandparents?"

I find myself at a loss for words, as we stare at each other for a moment, and I feel my heart sink a little. By creating our own little family, Tris and I were able to give Hope the happy childhood that we didn't have. She has always been happy with the way things were. But I suppose we should have better prepared for the fact that she would one day start asking about her real family. But because we didn't, I realize that this isn't the kind of talk that we should have without Tris here and certainly not right now when we have barely prepared for it.

"I know it's confusing," I say. "And one day, we will talk about it, and I'll tell you everything you need to know. Just not right now, okay?"

She looks at me for a moment, obviously still upset, before she nods her head slowly.

"Okay," she says.

"All right. Let's get back to dinner, shall we?"

She nods at me, as I reach for the pot cover again. Luckily, she doesn't bring it up again. Still, I find myself unable to get it out of my mind.

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

The dance is definitely more bearable with a buzz. But it is still a bit too much for me. I continue dancing with my friends in an attempt to calm my nerves, but it isn't working so far. The room is dark, the music is loud, and there are so many people. There have also been multiple times that some random guy has come up to me and tried to dance with me. And by dance, I mean grind for a little and then start making out. I know because that's what one of my friends is doing. Suddenly, Sophia turns to me, still dancing. She grins at me, and I smile back so that she won't see how much I hate this.

We continue dancing with our friends for a few minutes longer. But then, I make the mistake of looking at Sophia again. When I look this time, I see her kissing a random guy that I didn't even know was there. I feel pain suddenly just from looking at them, so I turn away. Before anyone can stop me, I start walking away. I weave my way through the crowd until I get outside, the cool air knocking into me and sobering me up a decent amount. Luckily, there isn't really anyone out here since the dance is in full-swing by now.

"Hey!" I look over my shoulder and see Sophia rushing after me. I roll my eyes and turn back around so that I can start walking back to my dorm. "Why'd you run away like that?"

"Why do you think?" I mutter.

"Brynn!" she calls, but I don't stop. "Ah!"

I stop in my tracks, as I hear her cry out. When I turn around, I see that she has fallen onto her hands and knees. Without thinking, I rush back over to her.

"Are you okay?" I ask, as I reach down to help her up.

"Alcohol and heels are _not_ a good mix," she groans.

I let out a sigh, as I help her back into a standing position. She dusts herself off a bit before she looks up at me again.

"Why'd you leave?" she asks again.

I immediately feel the anger returning that I felt when I saw her kissing that guy. But even with the alcohol in my system, I know that I cannot admit that that is what I'm upset about without basically admitting that I have feelings for her.

"It was just weird," I shrug. "I thought you liked girls."

"I do," she says slowly, giving me a funny look. "Wait, are you talking about that guy?"

"Obviously."

"Oh my god, Brynn!" she snorts. "I didn't kiss him, he kissed _me_. He was drunk off his ass! I pushed him off of me, and then I saw you leaving. That's literally all that happened."

"Really?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yes, that's it," she says. "Why do you care about who I kiss, anyway?"

"What?" She raises an eyebrow at me. "I don't... It was just-"

"Brynn, you're literally the most transparent person I've ever met," she smirks. "You can't lie to save your life."

"So what?"

"So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you like me." I stare at her for a moment, unable to find any words, and she smiles slightly. "It's okay. I mean, I... I do, too."

"What?" I say, sure that I'm misunderstanding something.

She looks away for a moment, as she pushes her hair behind her ear. In all of the years that I've been friends with her, I've learned that that is a nervous habit of hers.

"I like you, too," she says quietly, still not looking at me.

There is silence for a while until she looks at me again expectantly. I feel a million emotions course through me all at once, but it seems that I have settled into nervousness at the moment.

"Really?" I ask.

"Well, yeah," she shrugs. "I mean, you're not _that_ bad."

I roll my eyes at her, as she giggles lightly.

"Unbelievable," I say. "Even at a time like this, you're a jerk."

"I know," she chuckles, as she takes a step closer to me. "But I'm your jerk."

She takes me hand in hers, and I can't help but return the smile. I can't help the giddiness that I feel, as I look back at her.

"Yes," I say, squeezing her hand. "You are."

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

It was easy to find Caleb's phone number. It wasn't easy to get myself to call him. And it certainly wasn't easy to explain to Hope that she was going to meet one of her uncles who she didn't even know existed until now. I didn't even have it in me to tell Caleb about Hope. So not only is he coming over today to see me, but he will also be meeting a niece that _he_ knows nothing about.

I look at myself in the mirror, as I run my fingers through my hair to fix it. From the corner of my eye, I can see Tobias come in through our bedroom doorway. I can sense his eyes on me, but I don't look at him. That is, until he comes up behind me and looks at me through the mirror. His arms find their way around my waist, and he rests his head on my shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I don't know," I tell him. "I should have told him about Hope. Now, he's going to take one look at her and get mad that I didn't tell him, and he's going to-"

"I don't think he's going to leave," he cuts in, already knowing that that is what I was implying. "It sounds like he really wants to make things right, at least from what you said after you called him."

"Yeah, I guess."

Finally, I turn around in his arms and look up at him.

"It's gonna be okay," he says before briefly kissing my forehead. "If it makes you feel any better, Hope is excited."

"That does make me feel a little better actually," I say, making him smile slightly. "If it makes her happy, it can't be that bad."

He nods at me, as he reaches up to brush my hair away from my face. He keeps his hand on my cheek, and I close my eyes for a moment to appreciate the comfort that I feel just from his touch.

"This is what's best," he says softly. "She wants to know her real family, and this is the first step. And maybe it'll be good for you and Caleb, too."

I open my eyes and nod at him.

"You're right."

Before he can say anything else, there is a knock at the front door. We look at each other one more time, and he nods encouragingly at me before I finally force myself to pull away from him and go downstairs. Once I reach the front door, I look around and see that Hope is waiting in the living room doorway. When I look at her, she smiles a little, and I can tell that she is excited for this.

"Ready?" I ask her.

It is her smile and nod that gets me to open the door. Breathing becomes difficult, as I open the door and find myself face-to-face with one of the people that I thought I would never see again. Caleb smiles just the slightest bit at me, but I can tell that he is uncomfortable as well. For a moment, we just look at each other. I cannot say what he is taking in about me, but I am taking in his appearance. He is slightly more aged than the last time I saw him. I wonder if he sees that when he looks at me, too.

"Hello, Beatrice," he says.

"Hello," I say before forcing myself to take a step back. "Come in."

After a moment of hesitation, he does as I say and steps into the house. As I close the door behind him, I look over to the living room doorway and realize that Hope isn't standing there anymore. Tobias must have taken her into the living room to wait.

"This is a very nice house," he comments, as he looks around.

"Thanks," I say. "Listen, Caleb. Before we go into the living room, there's something I have to tell you-"

"Mom?"

I freeze for a moment, and Caleb looks at me, clearly surprised. I look over my shoulder only to see Hope coming out of the living room with Tobias trailing behind her. He looks at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "She got away from me."

"That's all right," I say, even though I am not sure if it's true. I turn back to Caleb who is now staring at Hope in shock. "Caleb, this is my daughter, Hope."

I watch for a moment, as he stares at her, and she smiles back at him. Her smile falters, as he stands there, seemingly trying to find words.

"You... you didn't tell me you had a daughter," he says quietly, finally looking back at me.

"I know. I'm sorry, I should have. I just didn't know how to-"

"It's all right." He smiles a little, and I realize that his eyes are starting to tear up now. "She's beautiful."

"Thank you," I croak out.

He looks back at Hope and takes a step closer to her.

"I'm so happy to be meeting you, Hope," he says.

At this, her smile returns, and I feel a smile of my own forming, as I watch her.

"We'll go wait in the living room," Tobias says, gently ushering Hope toward the doorway. "So you can both talk for a little while."

I nod at him, as he and Hope go back into the living room before I look back at Caleb. His eyes are still glassy when he looks back at me.

"That's unbelievable," he says, still smiling slightly.

"Yeah," I say.

"I guess the eighteen year old was the right choice, after all."

I snort at this, and his smile widens a bit. I bite my lip, as the realization fully hits me, not only that my brother is in my house, but that I actually feel happy to have him here, and he seems to be happy to be here as well.

"Listen," he says, as he walks closer to me so that he can speak more quietly. "I know that Rachel spoke to you."

"You do?" I ask.

"Yeah," he sighs. "She told me. And I can't say that I was particularly happy about it, but I can see why she did it. I mean, if she hadn't, I might have never even known about your daughter, and you never would have known about mine. And after actually meeting her, that just doesn't seem right to me.

"I did miss you," he continues. "I know you probably don't believe that, but it's true. You're my sister, and I want to be your brother again. Seeing your daughter just made me realize how much of your life I missed. And I don't want to miss anymore."

He looks at me, and I nod at him in response. Mostly because I can feel my eyes tearing as well, and I wouldn't want to get choked up.

"I shouldn't have done what I did," he says. "And I know we were never really as close as we could have been. But I'm willing to start over if you are."

I look at him for a moment, as he looks back at me hopefully. I think back to the last time I saw him- the cemetery when I went to visit my parents. I remember how I told him that I forgive him for what happened. At the time, those words didn't feel authentic to me. But now, seeing him in my home, seeing his reaction to my daughter, the words seem to mean everything.

I want my daughter to have the most complete family that she can have. I want her to have everything that I didn't. I want my brother in my life.

"I am," I say. He smiles a little and takes a deep breath, as he wipes below his eyes with his thumb. "Come on, I'm sure she has a million questions to ask you."

He chuckles a bit, as I lead him into the living room.

"I'm ready for it," he says. "It's the least I could do."


	63. Chapter 63

**All right, everyone. There's something you need to know. I feel like I'm taking a pretty sizable risk with this chapter. But the point of this story is to shine a light on topics that people aren't normally comfortable talking about. So, I am posting it anyway, and I hope that you guys will understand that I am only doing so to stay with that theme.**

 **That being said, I am issuing a TRIGGER WARNING regarding violence. If you have any concerns about this chapter, feel free to message me. **

**Onto the less serious things, somebody asked how old everyone is. In this chapter, there is a time skip, so here are the ages for this chapter: Tris, Christina, Uriah (39). Tobias, Zeke, Shauna (41). Brynn (25). Sophia (24). Hope, Lucas (15). Marley (10). Tori, Amar (60).**

 **Finally, thank you to Morganite109, BeatriceEaton46, leek812, 1991-Old-school-kid, sunlightstars, SheWhoTurnedToDust, IAmDivergent246, MSHAPPYFACE, Love the Brightest Star, ManhattanSky, Ane, It'sHardIKnow, Jojoboo90, and velosewer for your thoughtful words. I always love reading them!**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter. Please let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Five years later**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

As Marley's godmother, I felt inclined to go and cheer her on at her first soccer game. Especially since I was there for Lucas when he had his first dance recital. He has been working so hard that he is basically at Hope's level now, which means that they get to practice together all the time. Every now and then, Uriah still says that he finds it funny that his son chose dance while Marley turned out to be more of a tomboy. Only when it comes to sports, though. She is still a girly girl off the field; Christina wouldn't have it any other way.

"That's my girl!" she yells over the rest of the cheering parents, as Marley kicks the ball into the goal.

I smile, as I take in the energy of all of the parents on the bleachers with us, even with the sun beating down on us. This is so much different than sitting quietly in the audience during a dance recital or competition. I look over to where Uriah is kneeling near the sidelines with a video camera in his hands.

"Does he plan on doing that for every game?" I ask.

Christina looks at him briefly and smiles before turning back to me.

"That's what he says," she says, rolling her eyes. "But I doubt it. He'll get tired of it eventually."

"You never know," I say with a shrug. "I haven't gotten tired of watching Hope dance, and she's been dancing for years."

" _Years_ ," she groans. "Ugh, don't say that."

"What?"

"Time is just going so fucking fast," she says, pointing out toward the field. "Look at Marley. It feels like just yesterday that I was pregnant with her. But it was ten years ago. It feels like yesterday that you and me were smoking under the bleachers. But we're about to turn forty, Trissy."

"Wow," I mutter to myself, as I let her words sink in.

"We're gettin' old, girl," she says before focusing her attention on the field again. "Go, Marley!"

I cheer along with her and the rest of the parents. But for some reason, her words never leave my mind.

* * *

"I don't see why I can't just come in with you," I call out from the waiting area while Hope carries an armload of dresses into the store's changing room. "I've seen you naked before. When I gave birth to you, specifically!"

"Oh my god, Mom!" she yells back from inside the dressing room.

I can't help but laugh a little, as I sit down on one of the cushioned chairs in the waiting area. After she begged us endlessly, Tobias and I decided to organize a Sweet Sixteen birthday party for Hope. By now, we have gotten most of the elements taken care of. So, of course, the most important thing now is the dress. Still, we didn't want to spend too much money so I brought her to Christina's store so that we could get a discount. Luckily, Christina is busy in her office in the back right now which means that she can't make Hope try on the entire store.

"What's taking so long?" I ask after a few minutes have passed.

"The first one was weird," she calls. "The second one was too big. I'm trying on the third one now."

"You're supposed to be showing me," I remind her.

"I'll show you this one," she says. "Hold on."

"All right."

Moments later, I hear the door to her changing room creak open. I look up expectantly, as she emerges with a bright smile on her face. As she walks toward me, I look down at her flowing, mint colored dress that fits her perfectly.

"What do you think?" she asks.

As I stare at her, I feel it hit me. The words that Christina said, how time is moving so fast. It feels like yesterday that I was naming Hope. It feels like yesterday that I was pregnant with her. It feels like yesterday that I was getting married, going to college.

It feels like just yesterday that _I_ was fifteen.

I remember how it felt, making bad decision after bad decision. How I felt so worthless and hopeless. How I smoked and drank and went to parties where I either ended up drunk off my ass or dragged into a room so that Peter could take out his drunken rage on me.

I wasn't thinking about a Sweet Sixteen. Instead, I was thinking about my next cigarette. Or how to avoid my next beating. I was always thinking for ways out, escapes from life.

When I had Hope, all I knew is that I never wanted her to live like I did. And so far, I've managed to give her the childhood I always wanted. She has loving, supportive friends and family, and we allow her to do the things that she wants, such as dance.

She didn't end up like me. She turned into someone so much better.

"Mom?" Her voice brings me back to reality, as she looks at me with concern. "What do you think?"

I look at her for a moment, and I can't help the smile that forms on my face.

"Perfect," I say. "You look perfect."

* * *

"It's the mint green one," Hope tells Christina over the phone, as she sits at the kitchen table. "It's amazing!"

I can't help but smile, as she continues to tell Christina all of the details about her dress and our shopping trip as a whole. I am in charge of dinner tonight, which means that I'm vigilantly stirring a pot of spaghetti because it's the easiest thing for me to make. By the time the spaghetti is done cooking and I start draining it in the sink, she has finished her conversation with Christina.

"Christina approves of my dress," she says with a grin. "In case you were wondering."

"Oh, good," I mutter. "That's all that matters."

She giggles, as she stands up from the table.

"I'm gonna go put my phone on the charger," she tells me. "And then I'll come back down."

I nod at her, as she leaves the room. Once I have finished draining the pasta, I set it down to cool and move back to the other end of the counter to pick up the jar of pasta sauce. As I move back to the pasta, my eyes catch a glimpse of my reflection in the microwave, and I freeze.

For a moment, I just stand there looking at myself. Christina's words echo in my head just like they have been everyday since she said them. As I stare back at myself, I start to realize how much I have aged. And I almost cringe when I think about how much I'm going to continue to age as I get older.

"Tris?" I look over my shoulder and see Tobias standing across the kitchen. "Any reason you're staring at the microwave?"

"Uhm..." I return to where the pasta is and set down the jar, realizing how odd I must have looked. "No. No reason."

There is silence for a moment, as I start opening up the jar, but I can sense him getting closer until he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," he says, making me look up at him. "Are you okay? Are you spacing out again?"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?" he asks.

I let out a sigh, as he draws me closer so that I have to face him.

"I just saw my reflection in the microwave," I say.

"And?"

"And," I shrug. "I don't know. I've just been thinking a lot about how quickly time is going by. How... different I look."

"Different?" he says with a smirk.

"Old." I roll my eyes. "I look old."

"Well, we probably look old because we _are_ old."

"Tobias," I groan.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing," he says. "What's wrong with looking old if we are getting old?"

"What's wrong is..." I look down, but he tilts my chin back up almost immediately.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're always going to be beautiful no matter what?"

I feel myself blushing, though I am not quite sure why. He smirks, as he seems to realize it.

"You say that now," I say. "But when I get grey hairs and wrinkles-"

"Then I'll have grey hair and wrinkles too," he says. "Are you telling me you're not going to love me then?"

"Of course I'll love you," I mutter.

"Ah." He grins. "Checkmate."

I roll my eyes, though I can't help but smile back at him. He draws me closer and presses his lips to my forehead for a moment before he looks down at me again.

"Don't worry, love," he says, as he rests his forehead on mine. "We'll be old farts together."

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

I asked to help Hope get ready for her Sweet Sixteen because I wanted to tell her something. Aunt Tris allowed it, and Hope was more than happy to get ready with me. Even after all these years, Hope is always happy to see me and spend time with me. Sometimes, she feels like the little sister I never had.

"How do I look?" she asks.

By now, her hair and makeup is done. Of course, Christina did the makeup before leaving us alone. But I practiced on Sophia's hair for a while so that I would be able to do Hope's hair for this.

"You look beautiful," I tell her.

She squeals a little, and I laugh at her, as she spins around in her dress for a moment. Finally, she sighs and sits down on the end of her bed while I sit in the chair in front of her desk.

"This is gonna be great," she says.

"It is, because you look like a princess!"

"Yeah, because of you," she giggles. "I owe you."

"Well," I say slowly. "I think I know how you can repay me."

"How?" she asks.

"Maybe by..." I hold up my hand and smile. "Being my bridesmaid?"

She gasps loudly, and I can't help but laugh, as she stands up and rushes over to look at the ring.

"No way!" she says, grabbing my hand. "Who proposed, you or Sophia?"

"It was-"

"Sophia, duh! You would have told me if you were planning that." She looks up at me and smiles. "Oh my god, Brynn! This is so exciting!"

"I know," I grin. "It's gonna be amazing."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

It is so surreal to see Hope so grown up already. That's all I can think, as I look at her with her makeup and her fancy dress. Of course, she is busy dancing with her friends since we rented a room to have the party in, which means that I only really get to see her from afar.

So instead, I look around the table that I am sitting at which is just for family. Our table is right next to the table where we put Hope, her closest friends, Lucas, Marley, Brynn, and Sophia. At our table, we have Christina, Uriah, Zeke, Shauna, Tori, George, Amar and of course, Tris and me.

Caleb, Cara, and Rachel came as well, but we decided to put them at a different table. Ever since Caleb met Hope for the first time, he has made efforts to visit her, mostly for holidays. Hope seems to enjoy having another cousin to talk to, and Rachel seems to like spending time with her too.

It is still incredibly difficult for me to forgive Caleb for what he did to Tris all those years ago. Especially since I was the one that she called when it happened. I was the one who saw how hurt she was. Still, I haven't said anything, and I am always polite to him, only for her sake.

"It's incredible!" Tori says, as she turns to look at Tris. "She looks just like you."

"Like a _younger_ me," Tris chuckles. "I can see it."

I can't help but smile a little at the comment. I had hoped from the very beginning that Hope would look like Tris.

"She looks beautiful," George comments. "Who did her makeup?"

"All me!" Christina grins. "Christina Pedrad, winged eyeliner aficionado!"

"Maybe you could do my makeup," Tori shrugs. "For my date."

"What?" Tris yells, making almost everyone at the table jump. "You're going on a date?"

"It's about time," I add, making her glare at me playfully.

"Calm down," she chuckles. "It was George, he set me up with one of his coworkers."

"Well, I'm tired of waiting for you to find your own date!" he retorts.

"Whatever," she says, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, we're meeting at the movie theater, so it's not gonna be too exciting."

As she continues telling us the details of her date, I look around the table at everyone. I cannot help but feel a little grateful to have everyone here with us even after all this time. And I am beyond happy that I was able to give Hope the family that I never had. I can only hope that it stays like this.

* * *

 **Tori POV**

* * *

Going on a first date at my age just seems pointless. But once George suggested setting me up with his coworker, I knew that he wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed. Luckily, he seems like a decent guy. We talked some before the movie, but since the movie has started, we are now sitting quietly and watching. That's one of the reasons that I chose a movie for the date.

The movie itself isn't terrible either. Even if nothing comes from this date, at least I will have enjoyed the movie. Still, I know that once the movie is over, I'll have to make an effort to talk to him again since George will be disappointed if we don't hit it off.

I let out a sigh, as I sit back in my chair. It is about halfway through the movie now, so I decide that I should probably think of some things to talk to him about later.

I jump, as I hear a loud banging noise from behind me. Almost immediately, screams erupt from some of the people in the theater. I turn around and see it.

A man, standing with a gun in hand.

My heart starts pounding, and adrenaline courses through me.

 _Duck,_ I think to myself.

But I don't. Instead, I fall. There is searing pain. Then nothing.

* * *

 **Hope POV**

* * *

Just as I am about to fall asleep, I hear the house phone ring. I open my eyes and let out a sigh, as I roll over onto my back. The ringing stops, and I vaguely hear my mother's voice when she answers the phone.

Although I can't tell what she's saying, I realize that she sounds upset. Or maybe scared. I stay in my bed for a while. But eventually I hear her crying, and I can't help but push out of my bed and head downstairs.

I tip-toe down the stairs and over to the kitchen. I look in through the doorway, only enough so that I can see her but she can't see me. When I look in, I freeze.

My mother is on her knees, tears streaming down her face while my father sits next to her with his arms around her. The sound of her sobbing is painful to hear. I've never seen her like this.

"Tori," she croaks through her sobbing.

The pain becomes worse, as it hits me. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, hoping that I am misunderstanding. But I know that I'm not.

"I know, Sweetheart," my father says. When I open my eyes, I realize that his eyes have found me and he is looking right at me. He stares back at me with glassy eyes while my mother continues to cry in his arms. "Everything is gonna be okay."


	64. Chapter 64

**Hey, everyone!**

 **Important Info: Someone asked how many more chapters there are of this story. I realize that this is probably the longest story in this fandom lol. So I wanted to let you guys know that I only plan to have three more chapters after this one.**

 **Just like last chapter, here is everyone's ages in this chapter:** **Tris, Christina, Uriah (44). Tobias, Zeke, Shauna (46). Brynn (30). Sophia (29). Hope, Lucas (21). Marley (15). Tori, Amar (65).**

 **Thank you to Book-lover11189, Love the Brightest Star, CrumblingUniverses, IAmDivergent246, BeatriceEaton46, sunlightstars, Guest, It'sHardIKnow, TheTrueDivergent, SamanthaEatonSchreave, Guest, Guest, 1991-Old-school-kid, xXBlueleafXx, Jojoboo90, and Guest for your comments. I really love reading what you guys have to say!**

 **So you guys might hate me for this chapter, but I'm hoping not. Either way, I hope that you guys like the chapter itself!**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 **Five years later**

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

Never have I ever been more sure that the pain of a loss never really goes away. It has been exactly five years since Tori was killed, and I still feel the same pain that I felt all those years ago now when I look at her headstone. Sometimes, it makes me feel guilty; her death hit me so much harder than the death of my actual mother.

But for so long, _she_ felt like my real mother. She took me in and cared for me and helped me get better. She loved me, and I loved her. She showed me how to be a mother better than my real mother ever did. She gave me a second chance at life, and now I'm here living it without her.

"What am I supposed to say?" I mutter to the headstone. "If you really are watching over me, you already know everything."

I let out a sigh and close my eyes, as I feel a soft breeze go over me.

"I don't mean to be cross," I say quietly. "I just don't know. It still hurts for me, you know? Maybe you've seen me drive by your house or call your old phone number, hoping that you'll be there."

I feel the soft breeze again. I look down, as a tear escapes from my eye.

"But you're never there." I reach up to wipe the tear away, as I shudder. "I haven't told anyone that I do that. Not even Tobias. But I think he knows somehow; he knows me so well."

"I don't tell him about the chest pains anymore," I continue. "He just worries and nags me about going to a doctor, but I don't see the point. I just don't have the energy to care about myself anymore. I was foolish enough to think that things could get better and that I could just live happily ever after.

"But this isn't a fairy tale. This is real life. And things were great for a while. But that's just it. Happiness isn't forever, is it? If it was, you'd still be here."

I wipe the tears off of my cheeks, as my eyes skim over her name.

"I wish you were here," I say.

* * *

For the past few years, on the anniversary of Tori's death, I have spent the day visiting her in the cemetery and then spending the rest of the day laying in bed. I never mean to, it's just that I don't have the energy for anything else. Even so, I always find that I am too tired to even sleep.

It reminds me so much of the sad spells that I used to have when I was a teenager. And if I wasn't so damn tired, the similarity would scare me.

"Tris?" I hear Tobias say, as he walks into our bedroom.

I make a noise in response, as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed next to me. From the corner of my eye, I can tell that he is looking at me, but I cannot bring myself to look at him. He reaches toward me and brushes my hair back away from my face.

"I made dinner," he says quietly, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Are you hungry?"

"No," I mumble.

"Are you sure?" he tries again. "I can..."

The room goes eerily quiet, as he trails off. He lets out a sigh, as he looks away for a moment, and I have to guess that he doesn't want me to see that he is upset. He rubs my shoulder lightly before standing up. He starts to walk away, but he only takes a couple of steps before he turns around and looks at me again. There is silence for a moment again before he speaks.

"I'm here for you, you know," he says. My eyes find him, and it is only then that I realize that his eyes are glassy. "I love you, Tris."

It seems like he wants to say something more. But he doesn't. Instead, he lets out another sigh and turns back around to leave the room. And though a part of me wants to, I don't stop him. Instead, I just lay there like I have been, staring at the wall next to our bed.

I listen to the sound of Tobias walking downstairs and into the kitchen. Once he gets there, I can hear his and Hope's voices, as they talk to each other. Suddenly, I hear someone coming upstairs again and toward our bedroom. I figure that it must be Tobias, so I stay laying where I am.

"Mom?"

The sound seems to break me from my haze temporarily. I look over my shoulder and see Hope standing in the doorway of our bedroom. Though she is currently in college, she is home for the summer.

"Why don't you come down for dinner?" she asks.

"I just want to be alone for now," I mumble, as I lay my head back down. "You can eat with your father."

There is silence for a moment before I hear her footsteps coming closer slowly until she is next to the bed. She sits down on the edge of the bed next to me, where Tobias was sitting just moments ago. I keep my eyes on the wall, but I can tell that she is looking at me. Eventually, she lays down on her side right in front of me so that I have no choice but to look at her. She simply lays there, looking back at me for a moment before she speaks.

"Remember when Brynn went to the hospital all those years ago?" she says softly. "Grandma told me that Brynn was sad and going to the hospital would make her better. She also told me that when Brynn came out, she would need love from all of us."

"I didn't get it then," she continues. "But I get it now. When I took a psychology class at school, I talked to Brynn about it. She told me what it felt like, why she tried to end it, and how things were just so hard for her. And I know things are hard for you too, Mommy."

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes, as she takes my hand in hers. She hasn't called me "Mommy" in years.

"I know you miss Grandma," she says, her own eyes becoming glassy. "I saw you break when she died. Everyday after that, I would look into your eyes, and I couldn't see you anymore. It was like you were just gone, like you couldn't hear us or see us."

I feel the pain in my chest again, as her tears start to escape, but she doesn't reach for them.

"But I miss you," she says, her voice shaking. "I know you miss Grandma. I miss her too. But we lost her. I don't want to lose you, too."

I squeeze my eyes shut, as the numbness that I have been feeling begins to disappear. Suddenly, all of the feelings that I have been holding back hit me at full force. It only takes one small whimper escaping my mouth before my daughter has wrapped her arms around me, and I return the embrace. I hold onto her for dear life, as the sobs begin to rack through my body. It is only when I pause to catch my breath that I realize that she is crying, too.

As hard as I know it will be to stand up today and push through the pain that I am feeling, I know that I need to do it. Not for myself, but for Hope.

* * *

 **Brynn POV**

* * *

"Cheers!"

I can't help but laugh, as I tap my glass against Hope's before watching her take the first sip. Ever since I started working full time, things have been so busy for me. Plus, Sophia wanted to go on a short trip to celebrate our anniversary, so I wasn't able to take Hope out for her twenty first birthday, which just passed recently. Still, I promised her that as soon as I had the time, I would take her out for a drink.

She places her glass on the bar counter and smiles. She got some kind of fruity drink, of course. A Mai Tai or something. I don't drink much to begin with, but when I do, I can't stand fruity drinks like that. I usually stick to things like beer and whiskey. Whenever I do that, Sophia calls me a stereotypical lesbian.

"That's so good," Hope comments. "Wanna try it?"

"I'll stick to my beer," I say, trying not to make a face at the colorful drink. "You enjoy it."

"Thanks, Brynnie," she grins. I chuckle, as she takes another sip of the drink before letting out a deep sigh. "So, how was your vacation with Sophia?"

"Pretty cool, actually," I reply. "We spent most of the time-"

"In the hotel room," she mutters.

"Hope!" She giggles, as I push her lightly. "You know you're like a little sister to me; I am not talking to you about my sex life!"

"Oh my god, Brynn! I was kidding!"

I roll my eyes, as she laughs, most likely at how embarrassed I am getting from this conversation.

"Anyway," I continue. "I was going to say, we spent most of the time at the beach."

"Hmm," she hums. "You and I should go to the beach."

"We should," I say before taking a swig of my beer.

"You're always so busy with your big girl job, though," she says with a smirk. "I miss you, you know."

"I miss you, too. You know that."

She smiles a little and looks down, skimming her fingertip around the rim of her glass.

"Can I ask you something?" she asks. "I need my big sister's advice on something."

"Of course," I say.

"So, Lucas and I have been hanging out a lot," she says. "And we also had some classes together because we're both minoring in dance. And before we left for summer break, he kinda told me that he likes me."

"Wow." She nods a little, still looking down at her drink. "Okay, well what did you say?"

"I told him I don't know," she says with a shrug. Finally, she looks up, meeting my eyes. "I mean, how did you know that Sophia was right for you?"

"I just felt it," I tell her. I feel myself smiling, as I think back to it. "I felt drawn to her, like we really understood each other. I felt comfortable and safe around her. And when she smiled at me, it was just the best feeling in the world."

She nods her head slowly before picking up her drink again. I watch in awe, as she brings the cup to her lips and gulps down almost all of it before she places the cup on the counter again and looks at me.

"Well, shit."

"What?" I ask.

"I think I like him," she sighs.

"Okay." I smile at her, and she laughs a little. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"It just makes things hard. I mean, what if things don't work out? He's my best friend, I don't want to lose that."

"True," I say. "But because he's your best friend, you already know that you guys are comfortable around each other. You already know how he would treat you, and how you guys would interact with each other. That's better than just meeting some guy at random, isn't it?"

"I guess. I think I just have such high standards."

"Why?" I ask.

"Well, don't tell them I said this," she says with a smirk. "But I've always thought that my parents were, like, the cutest couple ever. So, now, I'm always looking for something that perfect."

"Damn, you're drunk," I chuckle.

"No, I'm serious!" She pushes me playfully. "I really think that."

"Well, either way, _perfect_ takes a lot of work," I tell her. "Your friendship with Lucas might not be perfect right now. But if you like him, it's worth it to take the chance and work on making it perfect."

"I think you're right," she mutters.

"I'm always right."

She rolls her eyes and smiles back at me before she picks up her glass and takes the last sip of her drink.

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

Amar has finally begun the process of putting the entire gym under my control. This means that he is working less and less to slowly transition himself out. Which also means that I have been visiting him at his house more often since I don't see him at the gym too much anymore. Today, I decided to stop by after work. Since it is almost dinner time for them, George is inside making dinner while Amar and I sit outside on the front porch. Because it is summertime, the sun has yet to set, and we can still hear children playing down the street.

"How is George doing?" I ask. "I know the anniversary just passed."

"Yeah," Amar says, still looking out toward the street in front of his house. "It's always a hard day for him. But it's gotten a lot easier. We spent the day together so he wouldn't be thinking about it every second."

I nod silently. Neither of us say anything, as we watch a car drive by. My eyes follow the car until it is out of view. From the corner of my eye, I see Amar turn his head to look at me.

"How is Tris?" he asks, making me look at him. "It's always been a hard day for her too, hasn't it?"

"She's doing better," I say, smiling slightly. "She's starting to get her old energy back. She's talking more and all that."

"That's great," Amar says, smiling as well.

"And remember how I told you she was having chest pains?" I ask, and he nods wordlessly. "She finally got that checked today, so I'll have to ask her about it when I get home."

"It's probably just stress," he says. "She has plenty of it."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I hope that's all it is."

I look down, as my phone starts ringing. When I see Tris' name on the screen, I grab it without thinking before I look back up at Amar.

"Go ahead," Amar says, as he starts to stand up. "I'll go see how dinner is coming along."

I nod at him, as he walks to the front door. Once he has opened the door to let himself in, I press the screen to answer the call and bring the phone to my ear.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," she says quietly. "Where are you?"

"I stopped at Amar's. Is everything okay?"

"Yes." She pauses. "No. Can you come home? Please?"

"Yeah, of course," I say, as worry starts to course through me. "What's the matter? Is Hope there?"

"No she's with Brynn. Please just come home," she pleads, her voice shaking a bit. "We can talk when you get here."

"Okay," I sigh. "I'll be there soon."

I hang up the phone just as Amar opens the door again to let himself back out. He looks at me, and I can tell by the look on his face that I am very visibly worried.

"Are you okay, Four?" he asks.

"Yeah, I think so," I say. "Tris just asked me to come home."

"Ah." He nods. "Well, I won't keep you then."

I nod back at him and say goodbye to him before I pick up my things and head for my car, which is parked in his driveway. The entire drive home, my mind begins to come up with the worst case scenarios, as it always does when I am worried about her. I try to stop it, I even end up blasting the radio at one point, but nothing works.

By the time I get out of my car, I nearly run to the front door and let myself in. I stop, as I close and lock the door behind me. The house is completely still and quiet. There is only one faint light, and I realize that it is coming from the kitchen. I can feel myself getting more and more nervous, as I walk toward the kitchen.

When I get there, I see Tris sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the cabinets and her knees drawn to her chest. There are tears running down her cheeks. When I walk in, she looks at me, but she says nothing. But just the sight of her is enough. I kneel down in front of her. My own chest starts to hurt, as I watch her tears fall down.

"Tris," I say, as I take her hands in mine. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I should have listened to you," she whispers, her voice shaking. "I should have gone to a doctor sooner. I should have quit smoking those fucking cigarettes sooner. I'm so sorry. I should have-"

"Tris," I cut in. A part of me knows where this is going. And that part of me wants only to break down and cry with her. But the rest of me hopes, prays, that I am misunderstanding. "What are you talking about?"

She stares at me for a moment, and I feel my hope slowly slipping away. She strokes my hands with her thumbs, as she shudders a little.

"It's my heart," she whispers. "I'm sick, Tobias."


	65. Chapter 65

**Hi, sweets! Just a few things.**

 **As I said in the last chapter, there will be TWO more chapters after this. Isn't that weird?**

 **Also, to any of you who also read my story Sun Showers, I am going to continue, I just want to get this story out of my system first- I'm hoping my writer's block for that story will go away when I finish this story. **

**Here are the ages for this chapter: Tris, Christina, Uriah (49). Tobias, Zeke, Shauna (51). Brynn (35). Sophia (34). Hope, Lucas (26). Marley (20). Amar (70).**

 **Thank you to IAmDivergent246, leek812, Love the Brightest Star, Ane, BeatriceEaton46, xXBlueleafXx, TheTrueDivergent, It'sHardIKnow, Book-lover11189, Morganite109, SheWhoTurnedToDust, Guest, sunlightstars, 1991-Old-school-kid, and Jojoboo90 for your comments. I seriously love reading them.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 _ **Five years later**_

* * *

 **Tris POV**

* * *

 _I have never seen my husband cry before. And it seems that he doesn't even want me to see it now. I am still sitting with my knees drawn into my chest. And now he is knelt in front of me, his forehead resting on my knees and his hands on my thighs, as he cries. I rest my head on top of his and cover his hands with mine._

 _We shouldn't be surprised that I developed heart disease. Not after I spent such a significant portion of my life binge drinking and smoking multiple times per day. Yet here we are, both crying like we never saw it coming._

 _"I'm so sorry," I whisper through my tears._

 _He lifts his head, making me lift mine as well. I feel pained, as I look at the tears on his cheeks. He stares at me, as if he wants to say something, but he cannot seem to figure it out for quite a while._

 _"How long do we have?" he asks finally, his voice a whisper._

 _"We still have time," I reassure him, stroking his hands with my thumbs. "It's not like I only have until tomorrow."_

 _"Tris," he says as sternly as he can through his tears._

 _"I mean it," I say. "I still have five to ten years."_

 _He scoffs a little._

 _"Five to ten years?"_

 _"It's better than nothing," I try, even though I'm not so sure I believe it._

 _"It's not better," he says, ducking his head a little as more tears start to emerge from his eyes. "I thought I would be with you for the rest of my life. This isn't better."_

 _I find myself at a loss for words, as I stare back at him. Of course, I know that he is right. There was a time when my life meant nothing to me. But now, I have a family. A husband and a beautiful daughter. I can't even imagine leaving them, but now I have to be ready for it so much sooner than I expected. Tobias takes a deep breath, as he briefly rests his forehead on my knees again. Once he has caught his breath for the most part, he lifts his head again, but he doesn't meet my eyes this time._

 _"I've never seen you cry before," I say without thinking._

 _He nods slowly, his face expressionless. Finally, he looks me in the eye again._

 _He replies softly, "I never thought I'd have to worry about losing you again."_

* * *

A familiar sadness settles over me as soon as I open my eyes. It seems that sleep is my only escape from it, but lately it even follows me into my dreams. I feel Tobias start to stir, mostly since he still has his arm around me from behind. He groans a little, and I make a guess that he is just waking up.

It has been five years since I told my family that I am sick. It was a hard pill for all of us to swallow. But I realized, as I watched my husband and daughter both cry when they found out, that I had to be strong for both of them. And I have been for the past five years.

Every morning, I wake up consumed by sadness. But I fight past it because I know that I need to stay positive for them. It has gotten extremely exhausting to pretend that I am happy when I'm not. But I know that it would only be so much harder on them if they knew how I really felt every minute of the day.

"Are you awake?" I hear Tobias whisper from behind me.

"Yeah," I say, looking over my shoulder at him.

He smiles a bit, as he pulls me closer to him. I roll over onto my back so that I can look at him.

"Today's the day," he says.

I force a smile in return. Hope and Lucas recently got engaged, since they started dating about four years ago. Almost as soon as they got engaged, they began looking for a place together. Today, we will be helping them move into their new place. Or rather, everyone else will be helping.

Tobias has said multiple times that he doesn't want me to help. Lately, I have been getting tired easily, and the chest pain has worsened as well. Even just walking up the stairs leaves me out of breath, yet I still feel annoyed that Tobias won't let me help my daughter move into her new apartment.

"You know, you could stay home if you want," he says, stroking my waist. "Instead of just sitting there while we move everything."

"Well, maybe, instead of just sitting, I could-"

"Tris," he cuts in. "You're not helping. I know you've been more out of breath lately than you used to be. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Fine," I say, knowing that he won't let up. "But I still want to be there. It is her first apartment with Lucas, after all."

He looks at me for a moment as if he wants to say something, but he seems to stop himself.

"All right," he says finally.

"We should probably get up," I say. "We have to go soon."

"Don't worry," he says, pulling me closer again so that I am face-to-face with him on my side. "We have time."

I feel a smile form on my face, a real smile, as he leans in toward me. He brushes his lips against mine tentatively before he kisses me. One thing that I have noticed lately is that when Tobias kisses me, it is normally soft and cautious as if he thinks that kissing me will break me. I try not to focus on it. I try to just enjoy the feeling of his lips on mine, but I still can't help but think about it. But I never say anything. He has been there for me through everything, and I find myself thinking that if my time is limited, now is not the time to bring up something that might upset him.

* * *

It is still somewhat surreal that my daughter is old enough to be moving in with a boy. And it's even more surreal that she ended up with Lucas of all boys. Of course, I am happy for both of them, but it is still a lot to swallow.

Christina, Uriah, Tobias and I are here to help them move. But Tobias made it clear that I would help more with placing things once they were unpacked because moving boxes would be too much for me. So while everyone else was moving boxes, I had plenty of time to explore the apartment. It seems like a nice place for them. In fact, it reminds me a bit of the apartment that Tobias and I shared.

After I look around the living room, I wander into the bedroom where everyone else is. Tobias, Uriah, and Lucas are knelt on the ground, as they attempt to put together the bed frame while Christina stands off the side calling out instructions that I'm not sure if they're even listening to. Hope looks at me and smiles when I walk in before she comes to stand next to me.

"What do you think?" she asks.

"I think it's nice," I say. "It's perfect for you two."

She smiles at me again before she looks down at the boys.

"Luc, what are you even doing?" she calls out, making him look up at her.

"I'm... helping," he says, lifting the screwdriver a bit.

"Some help," Uriah grins. "You see this is what happens when you spend all your time dancing. You can't even figure out how to use a screwdri-"

"I know how to use a screwdriver!" he retorts.

"Saying it doesn't make it true!"

"Hey," Christina interjects. "I bet if everyone shut up, this would get done a lot faster!"

Hope rolls her eyes and chuckles, as Uriah, Christina, and Lucas all start arguing with each other. I chuckle a little as well as I watch Tobias quietly continue to work while they argue.

"My in-laws," Hope sighs.

"This is nothing new," I mutter.

She chuckles again, as she looks back at everyone while they continue to argue. I start to feel antsy as I watch them. Everyone has already moved so many boxes into the apartment, but there is still so much that needs to be done. It doesn't make sense to me to just stand here watching them argue about putting together a bed frame when I could be helping my daughter get situated. Still, I know that Tobias doesn't want me to move anything.

With that in mind, I look at him to make sure that he is still focused on the bed frame before I quietly slip out of the room. Luckily, no one seems to notice since they are still wrapped up in whatever they are talking about now.

I pick up the car keys from the kitchen counter, so that I will be able to get some more things out of the car, and head for the door. I make sure to leave it propped open so that I won't get locked out. Once I am out in the hallway, I stop in front of the stairs and take a deep breath. Unfortunately, Hope and Lucas got an apartment on the second floor, which will make this a little harder for me. Still, I refuse to believe that a simple staircase is too much for me to handle.

I walk down slowly so that I don't get out of breath too quickly, and I can't help but smile a little when I get to the bottom. Of course, it is a little draining, but Tobias and Hope always treat me like I'm too fragile for stairs even. It's always a good feeling when I prove them wrong, even if they can't see.

"Mom!"

I guess I spoke too soon.

I look over my shoulder only to see Hope running down the stairs after me. I turn back around and start heading for the car which, luckily, is parked right in front of the building.

"What are you doing down here?" I ask, as I unlock the back door.

"What are _you_ doing down here?" she asks, as she comes up next to me. I open up the door, but she puts her hand over mine, making me look at her. I can tell right away by the look on her face that she is nervous. "Mom, you're not supposed to move anything."

"Is that what your father told you?" I look back at the car, as I reach in to grab something, but I can still feel her eyes on me. "Baby, I know I'm not as strong as I used to be. But I promise you, I can hold one bag just fine."

She stays silent for a moment, as I pull her dance bag out of the backseat, which she used to pack some things. It is much heavier than I thought it would be, and I falter for a moment, but I pull it out and place the strap on my shoulder anyway. I can already feel myself getting tired, but I know that I can still easily make it upstairs.

"Mom, that's heavy," she tries again, lifting her hands as if she is offering to take it from me. "You don't have to-"

"It's fine, I can-"

"What are you trying to prove?" she snaps. I look at her for a moment, surprised, and she sighs. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand. You know you're sick, why are you exerting yourself?"

"I'm sick, Hope. That doesn't mean that I'm crippled. I can still do this."

She rolls her eyes a little, but she doesn't say anything as I close the car door and start walking. I can feel her right behind me, though, as I head for the stairs. I feel a strange sensation in my head, as I reach the stairs, so I stop for a moment.

"Can you make it?" I hear Hope ask behind me.

"Yes, I can," I mutter.

I can't help but think about all of the times that Tobias has called me stubborn. In this moment, I certainly cannot deny it. Still, I have made it this far that I feel almost obligated to prove that I still have the strength I used to have. Especially now that my daughter is watching. I know that she sees me as fragile because I am sick, but all I want is for her to see my strength.

I can sense her close behind me, as I start walking up the stairs. The bag on my shoulder feels like a ton to the point that even the first few steps make me a little breathless, but I continue to walk forward. I am almost completely out of breath by the time I am near the top.

Suddenly, I begin to see black spots in my vision. I stop and clutch onto the railing with my free hand, as I try desperately to take in a breath. Suddenly, everything begins to spin, and I feel my heart beating so hard that it hurts my chest. I hear Hope say something, but I cannot quite make it out. I feel her put her hands on my shoulders. And that's when I realize that I have fallen onto my knees, and she is holding my shoulders to keep me from falling down the stairs.

I hear her yell something. I have to guess that she is yelling for Tobias, since he is the last thing I see before I black out.

* * *

 **Hope POV**

* * *

I can't stop my leg from shaking, as I sit in the hospital waiting room. I look around at the other people waiting, but none of them seem nervous like me. Most of them are looking down at their phones or at the small screens of the televisions in the corners of the waiting rooms. I wonder how they manage to stay so calm when they are clearly here for a reason.

"Here you go." I look up, as my father approaches me and hands me a cup of coffee. I thank him, as he sits down next to me and clasps his hands together in his lap. "Still nothing?"

"Nothing."

He nods, staring at the wall across from us.

"Right," he mutters. "We'll probably be here for a while."

I nod at him in response, as I look down at the coffee in my hands. Right now, all we know is that my mother overexerted herself when she tried to carry my bag upstairs, and she passed out on the way up. Something tells me that that is all we need to know. We brought her to the hospital immediately, and now we are waiting for the doctors to come back and let us know how she is doing. I look up at my father again, only to find that he is still staring at the wall across from him.

"Dad?" He looks at me at this, and I can tell that he is upset, but he is trying to hide it. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry." He furrows his eyebrows at this. "For what?"

"I let this happen," I tell him, as I feel my eyes start to tear up. "I should have tried harder to stop her, but I just let her-"

"Stop," he cuts in suddenly. His face remains expressionless as he looks back at me. "Nothing comes from blaming yourself. Trust me on that, I've learned it the hard way."

He sighs, as he sits up a little bit straighter. Our eyes stay locked, as I reach up to wipe away a tear that was threatening to come out.

"Your mother is stubborn as hell." I can't help but chuckle a little at this, and he smiles just slightly. "We both know that. She chose to do what she did. That's not your fault, and quite honestly, it's not her fault either. It's just what happened."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How are you so calm?" I ask. "I mean, aren't you scared?"

He looks away, as he rubs the back of his neck with one of his hands.

"Terrified," he says quietly. "I'm more scared than I've ever been."

"Then how are you so calm?"

"Well," he sighs, as he looks back at me. "I have to stay calm. I've still got someone to look after."

I can't help but smile a little even though I feel like I am on the verge of tears. And even though I can tell that he is upset, he still smiles back at me slightly before he looks down again. I look at him for a moment, as my tears start escaping again. I inch a bit closer to him and lean down to rest my head on his shoulder. Without hesitation, he puts his arm around my shoulder and presses a kiss to my head. I close my eyes as he does, in hopes that the tears will stop.

"We're going to be all right, baby," he says softly. "No matter what happens, we're going to be all right."


	66. Chapter 66

**Hi, everyone. So, I know that a lot of you were upset with the last couple of chapters, so I figured that I should explain a little about why I did it.**

 **I did it because this story has always been about exploring some things that people don't like to talk about. This story was also intended to show that life isn't always fair, but there is always a way to deal with it and overcome it. That doesn't mean the problem goes away, that means we find ways to cope with it.**

 **This story was a huge coping mechanism for me. Like I said, I've experienced a lot of the things that I implemented in this story. And the idea for Tris to have heart problems came from the same place.**

 **I know that some things in this story might be hard to read, but that's why I did it. Because these are real things happening to real people, but it is not a reason to lose hope. It is, in fact, a reason to keep moving.**

 **Further, if anyone has any issues with this chapter, I encourage you to message me, and I will do my best to help you. That goes for anyone, even if you just need to talk about something random, I'm here for you.**

 **Anyway, thank you to Morganite109, CrumblingUniverses, Book-lover11189, TheTrueDivergent, kathyb, 1991-Old-school-kid, Love the Brightest Star, Guest, SamanthaEatonSchreave, Guest, BeatriceEaton46, It'sHardIKnow, MSHAPPYFACE, Jojoboo90, and xXBlueleafXx for your kind words! I truly appreciate them, and I appreciate all of you.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter. Please let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

 _She doesn't have much time._

Those words echo in my head over and over again, as I watch the doctor walk away. A million emotions course through me all at once. My entire body is frozen, and I begin to feel the same fear that I felt when I found out that Tris was in a coma all those years ago.

"Dad," Hope says quietly, as she gently strokes my shoulder. "We should go."

Finally, I force myself to look at her. I can tell by the look on my face that she is just as scared as me, and that is when I remember that I have to stay calm. For her.

She looks at me for a moment before holding out her hand for me. As I take her hand, I feel my eyes starting to tear, but I hold it back. She hasn't held my hand since she was a little girl. But right now, it makes sense. I am afraid to lose my wife, and she is afraid to lose her mother. Holding her hand is the only thing that is keeping me from breaking down.

Neither of us say anything, as we walk toward the room where Tris is being kept. I know that I should be saying something to reassure my daughter, but I cannot seem to even make sense of any of my thoughts.

All I can think about is how eerily similar this is to all of the times that I walked through the hospital on my way to visit Tris while she was in a coma. Except this time feels even scarier.

Suddenly, everything begins to feel extremely surreal. My thoughts become scattered and still at the same time. I only realized that I have stopped walking when Hope looks back at me curiously.

"Are you okay, Dad?" she asks.

"Yeah, I..." I squeeze her hand a bit in an attempt to ground myself. "Why don't you go in first? I just need a minute."

She looks at me hesitantly for a moment before she finally nods wordlessly. She lets go of my hand before she turns and continues walking to Tris' room. As I watch her, I move over to the side of the hallway so that I won't be in anyone's way. I lean against the wall, as I feel the gravity of this situation start to fully weigh on me.

None of it makes sense to me. None of it is fair. I have already come close to losing her so many times. I almost lost myself in the process. I don't know how to handle losing her now. I don't know how I could possibly let go of the best thing that ever happened to me.

* * *

 _The nightmares that Tris had after finding out that Peter was released were some of the most brutal ones I had ever seen. It wasn't surprising, but it was still painful to watch. It hurt to know that she was suffering, and there was nothing I could do._

 _Still, I was barely surprised when I woke up to the sound of her screaming. I sat up and started shaking her lightly to wake her. I called her name until finally, her eyes opened wide. She looked at me, terror in her eyes, as she pushed herself into a sitting position and away from me all within one second._

 _"Don't touch me!"_

 _I froze at this, pain coursing through me at the panicked look on her face. I could tell that she came to her senses as soon as the words left her mouth. I could tell because the panic left her eyes, replaced by a look of pain that I imagined matched my own. She curled up into herself, drawing her knees to her chest, and shuddered._

 _"I'm sorry," she whispered shakily._

 _Still, I felt frozen as I watched her. That is, until I heard the sound of her strangled sobs. I forced myself out of my trance and moved closer to her. She didn't move away this time, as I wrapped my arms around her shaking body and pulled her close to me._

 _"It's okay," I told her, as I stroked her hair lightly. "He's not here. He can't hurt you anymore."_

 _"Are you sure?" she croaked._

 _"I'm sure," I told her. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."_

 _I tightened my hold on her a bit, as she continued to cry, and I felt pained just from the sound of it._

 _"You didn't deserve any of what he did to you," I said._

 _She didn't say anything for a moment, but I could tell that she was starting to calm down._

 _"Thank you," she whispered._

 _"You deserve all the best things in life, you know."_ _She chuckled a little through her crying, and I couldn't help but smile a little. She looked up at me finally, and I reached up to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "And I'm gonna do my best to make sure you have it all."_

* * *

 _Though I sat on the couch in front of the television, I couldn't bring myself to focus on the program at all. Instead, I just kept replaying it all in my head. The way she looked at me when I got down on one knee in front of her, the way she smiled at me when I put the ring on her finger._

 _I was so nervous leading up to the proposal, but in that moment, I knew that it was worth all of the anxiety. It was always worth it._

 _"That's it!" I looked over my shoulder, as Tris walked toward me. "I called everyone and let them know!"_

 _"Good."_

 _I couldn't help but smile when I looked at the grin on her face, as she sat down in my lap and looked at me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer._

 _"I still can't believe it," she said, still smiling._

 _"I still can't believe you thought I was gonna break up with you."_

 _She rolled her eyes at this and looked away as if she was embarrassed._

 _"I didn't know what you were thinking," she shrugged. "You were acting so strange. I mean, you could barely even look at me."_

 _"Because I was nervous as hell."_

 _"Well, so was I," she said quietly._

 _"You're right," I sighed. "I could have gone about it very differently-"_

 _"But it doesn't matter," she said, the smile returning to her face. "All that matters is that we're_ not _breaking up-"  
_

 _"Far from it," I smirked. "We're getting married."_

 _"And that means," she said, as she rested her forehead on mine, "that you're stuck with me."_

 _I smiled, as she leaned in toward me._

 _"I couldn't think of a better person to stick with."_

* * *

 _In my eyes, it was nothing short of a miracle that both Tris and Hope made it out alive. In fact, I cannot even describe how lucky I felt just to take Hope home the first night that we were able to._

 _I walked to the bedroom where I knew Tris was sitting with Hope. As soon as I walked through the doorway, I could feel my heart swell at the sight of them. For a moment, I simply watched them, as they slept. Still, I knew that I should wake Tris before she accidentally dropped Hope in her sleep._

 _I walked toward them quietly so as not to startle them. I crouched down in front of the chair and gently stroked Tris' shoulder until she began to stir. She opened her eyes slowly and gave me a lazy smile that I couldn't help but return._

 _"I think it's time to put her down, love," I said._

 _"Mm," she groaned, as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before looking at me again. "I don't want to let go yet."_

 _"Come on, Tris," I tried again, brushing her hair back away from her face. "You both need sleep."_

 _She sighed, as she looked down at Hope for a moment._

 _"You're right," she said quietly. "She's just so perfect."_

 _"She is perfect," I said, smiling down at her as well._

 _"And she's ours."_

* * *

 _I walked into the house, and I could not help but feel a little taken aback at how quiet and still the house was. Amar needed me to work late that night, but I didn't think it was late enough that Tris and Hope would be asleep by the time I got back._

 _But as I closed the front door behind me, I realized that the kitchen light was on. I walked toward it until I reached the doorway. When I looked in, I saw Tris sitting at the kitchen table, her chin resting in her hand, as her other hand tugged lightly at the tablecloth. She looked up, as I walked in and sat down at the table next to her._ _I reached out to take her hand in mine, making her lower her eyes._

 _"Are you okay?" I asked._

 _She shrugged a bit at this but hesitated for a moment before she finally spoke._

 _"I don't know," she said. "Hope and I had a talk."_

 _"A talk?" I asked. "What do you mean?"_

 _"I mean..." She sighed, as she used her free hand to rub her face as if she was tired. "I told her everything."_

 _"Everything, as in?"_

 _She raised an eyebrow at me._

 _"Everything," she said again. "I told her about my parents and your parents. I told her about Peter, about high school, about Tori and Amar. Everything."_

 _"I thought we were going to tell her about all of that together."_

 _"I wanted to," she said tiredly. "But she was asking me so many questions. One thing led to another, and suddenly, it just all came out."_

 _"I see."_

 _I looked down at the table for a moment, but I could sense her eyes on me._

 _"Are you mad at me?" she asked._

 _"No," I said immediately. "Why would I be mad?"_

 _"Because we were supposed to tell her everything together," she replied._

 _"Tris." She looked at me expectantly, as I stroked her hand with my thumb. "We've both been through a hell of a lot. I'm glad that we both lived to tell the tale; it doesn't really matter to me which one of us tells it to our daughter."_

 _She smiled at me at this before letting out a breath of relief._

 _"I just hope she took it to heart," she said quietly. "I don't want her to go through anything that we did."_

 _"She won't, we'll make sure of it," I said. "Don't worry, love. She'll be perfect, just like you."_

* * *

 _As I took in the sight of Tris in her white dress, I realized that it just might have been the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. It almost distracted me, as I recited my vows for her, but luckily I managed to make it through the vows without forgetting anything._

 _I watched her bite her lip, as her eyes met mine. I couldn't help but smile at her before continuing._

 _"I guess what I'm saying is, I don't even know where to start," I said. "I've never had a way with words, and I think everyone knows that."_

 _She smiled at this, as our friends and family members laughed lightly. I barely noticed them, though._

 _"I don't know what words I could use to describe the person who makes me happier than anything, who I love more than anything, and who I'll spend the rest of my life looking at and wondering how I got so lucky. But my vow is that I will spend the rest of my life trying to find those words."_

 _I watched, as her eyes began to tear up, and I was worried that mine might start to do the same._

 _"I promise," I continued, "that I will love you, cherish you, protect you, and support you until the day I die."_

* * *

 **Hope POV**

* * *

"Where's your father?" Mom asks, as I sit down next to her bed.

"He's coming," I reply. "He'll be here in a minute."

She nods wordlessly at this. I feel a pain in my chest, as I look at her. She looks so weak and fragile, lying there on the hospital bed, hooked up to machinery that I cannot even name. Her voice is so quiet.

"Don't look at me like that," she says suddenly, smiling just the slightest bit.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a kicked puppy."

I let out a sigh, as she continues to smile at me. I reach forward to take her hand in mine, and she strokes my hand softly with her thumb.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just don't like seeing you like this. You look so..."

"Weak?" I find myself at a loss for words, and she shakes her head. "But I'm not. And neither are you."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

She shifts a little so that she can face me a little more, the soft smile still on her lips.

"I'm sick, Hope," she says softly. "But that never took my strength away. And in case you're still wondering, _that's_ what I was trying to prove."

"I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean-"

"Hold on," she cuts in. After a moment of hesitation, I nod at her, signaling her to continue. "I want you to understand this. No matter how tired I got, no matter how bad the chest pains got, I never gave up. Even after everything that happened to me when I was a teenager, I didn't give up."

"I know," I say quietly, as I feel my eyes starting to tear.

"After everything that happened..." She takes a deep breath, and it is only then that I realize that she is tearing up as well. "I survived. I'm still here. And I stayed all this time for you. For you and your father. And if it is time for me to go, I want you to know that I never gave up. I gave my all. I gave everything I've ever had, and I did that for you."

"Because I love you," she continues, her voice starting to shake a little. "I love you and your father more than anything in the world. I wanted to give you everything, and I tried so hard-"

"You _did_ give me everything," I tell her.

She looks at me for a moment, as one of her tears escapes. I blink mine back as much as I can. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but she hesitates for a moment, so I stroke her hand comfortingly.

"I did?" she whispers.

Suddenly, my tears feel impossible to hold back, and I feel one come out. I smile at her through the tears, and her smile returns through hers as well.

"You did," I tell her. "You gave me everything I could ever want."

She looks up at the ceiling for a moment, as she shudders. She squeezes her eyes shut, but a couple of her tears had already managed to escape and run down her cheeks. When she finally opens her eyes again, she keeps them on the ceiling, as she speaks again.

"It might be time for me to go," she says. "But I want you to understand that I didn't give up. I never did. That means that you can't give up, and you can't let your father give up either."

"I won't."

She looks at me again, her cheeks stained with tears, and smiles.

"I know you won't," she says. "You know, when you were growing up, everyone said that you look just like me. But our looks aren't all we have in common."

"We're both strong," I finish for her. "I get it from you, I think."

She chuckles softly and nods at me.

"You get it from both of us."

Before I can say anything else, I see someone walk in from the corner of my eye. I look up and see my father. He still looks just as upset as he did when I left him, but he seems a bit more contained. My mother looks at him, as he sits down on the other side of the bed, and she moves over just slightly to make room for him. But it seems that even moving is difficult for her, and I can tell by the look in my father's eyes when he looks down at her that he noticed it too.

"There you are," my mother says, taking his hand in her free hand. "What were you doing?"

"I just needed some time to think," he mutters.

"Did you come up with anything?" she asks, smiling slightly.

"Yeah. I did." He looks at her again, suddenly more serious than before. "And I think there's something that I should tell you, love, before it's too late."

"Dad," I cut in quietly, making him look up at me, his eyes glassy. "Should I leave you guys alone for this?"

"No," he nearly whispers. "I want you here for as long as you can be. This won't take long, but I do need to say it."

He looks at me as if he is checking to make sure I understand. I nod my head, and he looks back at my mother who never stopped staring at him. I slowly slip my hand away from hers and lean back in my chair to give them a little more space.

"I promised you on our wedding day that I would find the words to tell you how much I love you, even if it took my entire life." He takes a deep breath, as he strokes her hand gently. "Well, I think I've finally found the words."

She reaches up to touch his cheek briefly, though the simple action seems to use a lot of her energy.

"Tell me," she whispers.

"I knew you were special from the very first time I saw you," he says, his voice shaking a bit. "But it wasn't until I met you that I knew you were going to change my life somehow, and you did. You made me a better man, love. You taught me how to overcome my anger and my past. You taught me not only that I can be loved again, but you taught me how to love in turn."

He squeezes his eyes shut to hold his tears in, as she slowly runs her thumb over the back of his hand. I can feel tears of my own about to escape as I watch them.

"You completed me," he continues even more shakily. "When you were hurt, so was I. When you were sad, so was I. But when you were happy, so was I. All I ever wanted was to help you fight away your fears, your nightmares, your worries. All I ever wanted was to see your beautiful smile because when you smiled..."

I feel one of my tears escape, as his voice cracks and he pauses to compose himself.

"When you smiled, everything was all right. At a certain point, you weren't just a person anymore. You became my world, my life, my everything. Every part of me, every fiber of my being, will always love you."

He closes his eyes, as she slowly reaches up to wipe a stray tear off his cheek and I close my own eyes as well to keep my tears in from the sight.

"I'm not worried anymore," he whispers. "One day, when my time comes, I know I'll be with you again. I just have to be patient."

"Promise me you'll keep living until then," she says softly.

"I promise."

I open my eyes just as my father leans down to carefully wrap his arms around my mother as best as he can, and she returns the embrace slowly but surely. After a moment has passed, her eyes meet mine, and she reaches out one arm for me. My father seems to take the hint, as he looks up and gestures for me to come over. I blink back my tears, as I stand up from my chair and walk over to the side of her bed. When I sit down, the three of us end up huddled together. Both of them have their eyes closed. It seems my father does because he is trying not to cry. But when I look at my mother, I realize that she has a soft smile on her face.

"Everything will be okay," she whispers. "One day, we'll see each other again. But until then, you must both live. For me."


	67. Chapter 67

**Hi loves! So, THIS is the last chapter.**

 **Isn't that weird? I feel like I've grown with this story, like it's helped me in my own recovery. And I know some of you said it had that effect on you as well. And honestly, I can't tell you how happy that makes me, that I was able to reach you all and even help some of you. That's all I ever wanted.**

 **Even though this story is over, I'm still here for you all, all the time. And even though this story is over, remember that ours are still going, and your story is so important.**

 **Also, I'm planning to try to get a book published one day so please keep this on your alerts because if it happens, I'm gonna let you guys know on here ;) I only say that because some of you have asked me if I plan on writing a book. I absolutely do plan on it!**

 **Thank you to everyone who reviewed, messaged, favorited, saved this story. I am extremely grateful for all of the kind things you all said, and you all really kept me going. This story has been a wonderful experience for me, and I'm glad to have shared it with all of you!**

 **I hope you all like the final chapter, please let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Hope POV**

* * *

 _"Is she asleep?" I heard my mother whisper._

 _There was silence for a moment, and I could feel their eyes on the back of my head._

 _"I think so," my father replied._

 _My father and I wanted to stay with my mother overnight. So, I ended up curled up in the chair next to her bed while my father stayed laying in the hospital bed with her. Eventually, it was late enough that the lights were turned off, and the only light in the room was coming from the hospital machinery._

 _At a certain point, the sight of my mother laying in her hospital bed became too much, so I curled up and pretended to sleep. But I could still hear every word that my parents said to each other. It was extremely bittersweet to listen to them talk for hours in the dark._

 _"It's okay to be scared," she whispered at some point._

 _"I'm not scared," my father replied hesitantly. "What would make you say that?"_

" _Because I know you, Tobias."_

 _"Fine, maybe I am scared. But can you blame me?"_

 _There was silence for a moment, save for the soft hum of the hospital machinery. Then, I heard a soft rustling as if one of them was moving around on the hospital bed. When they settled, I heard her voice again._

 _"I'm not scared," she whispered. "Do you know why?"_

 _"Why?" he asked._

 _"Because this isn't anything like before," she said, and I could practically hear her smile. "This isn't like the time that I was in a coma or the time that I was pregnant with Hope and we weren't sure if we would make it."_

 _"This is different," she continued. "I'm not afraid, and you shouldn't be either. I'm ready."_

 _"Ready?" my father asked._

 _"Yes, I'm ready. I made it so much further than I ever thought I would. Before I met you, I was just a miserable teenage girl who thought things would never get better. But things did get better._

 _"I met you, the love of my life. I found a way to help people with my work. We had a beautiful daughter. And on top of all that, I'm happy. I'm actually happy, which is something that I never thought would happen for me. Aren't you happy?"_

 _"With you? Of course._ "

 _"With everything," she said. "I'm not afraid of death anymore. Because no matter when it happens, I know that I lived."_

 _There was silence for a moment, and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from crying audibly._

 _"You did," my father whispered. "We both did."_

 _"Thank you, love," she said, "for making my life worth living."_

 _"Thank you for spending it with me," he returned._

 _"I'd do it all over again. I love you, Tobias."_

 _"I love you more."_

 _There was silence again, but it lasted longer this time. Eventually, I realized that it was because they had fallen asleep. And eventually, I fell asleep too._

 _In the middle of the night, I woke up to a strange sound from the machinery. I could hear a couple of nurses shuffle in._

 _"Should I wake him?" I heard one whisper._

 _Silence. And finally, I heard them leave the room. I covered my mouth with my hand and squeezed my eyes shut. It happened just like that, in the middle of the night._

 _Still in my father's arms, my mother was dead._

* * *

I look at myself in the mirror, as I fix my white dress. For some time after my mother died, it just felt wrong to have my wedding without her. But eventually, after talking about it with Lucas and my father extensively, I decided to start planning again.

By now, it has been about three years since my mother's death.

"Look at you," Christina says with a smile, as she fixes my hair. "You look perfect, cutie."

I smile back at her through the mirror. Ever since my mother's death, Christina stepped in and became an even bigger part of my life than she was before. Once Mom was gone, she began checking up on Lucas and I and helping me get ready for the wedding.

She told me that, years ago, before I was even born, she had promised my mom that she would be there for me if anything ever happened. I am grateful that she has kept that promise in every way.

"Thanks, Christina," I say.

"She's like a princess!" Sophia says to Brynn.

"She _is_ a princess," Brynn grins. "My princess, to be exact."

"Even after all these years?" I chuckle.

"Always!"

I decided to have my three bridesmaids be my best friends from college. Still, I wanted Brynn, Sophia, and Christina to be there to help me get ready.

I also asked my father to give me away, but right now, he is with the rest of the men, helping Lucas get ready.

I look at everyone through the mirror- at my bridesmaids excitedly talking and helping each other with their hair and makeup, at Brynn and Sophia who eventually return to their own seemingly flirtatious conversation, and finally at Christina who is still worrying over my hair and dress.

"Thank you for helping me, Christina."

She looks up at me and smiles.

"Of course, cutie." She worries over my hair for a moment again before she stops and lets out a sigh. "You know, there's something I want to give you."

I watch her, as she walks over to the side of the room where her purse is. She reaches in for something before she starts walking back over to me, unnoticed by everyone else, as they are still engaged in their own conversations. As she walks toward me, she seems to be looking down at a small piece of paper. When she is standing next to me, she looks up from it.

"I want you to have this," she says, handing it to me. "I thought, maybe it could be your 'something old.'"

She smiles a little before I look down at the paper. But it isn't just a paper. Instead, I realize, it is a photo.

A photo of my mother, smiling, in a white wedding dress.

I bring my hand to my mouth to cover the emotions that this one simple picture managed to stir. She looks so young, so happy.

"She loved you so much," I hear Christina say.

"I wish she was here," I whisper.

"Maybe she is." I look up at her, and she smiles sadly at me. "Maybe she's watching you right now. I think she is."

"Yeah, maybe."

We both look up, as the door on the other end of the room opens. My father walks in, looking around a bit. But when his eyes reach me, he freezes and stares at me for a moment. I force a smile at him.

"What do you think?" I ask.

He takes a step forward wordlessly, and I feel Christina take a step away from me as if to give us our space. I can also feel the eyes of all the other girls in the room on us.

"You look..." He shakes his head a little. "You look just like her."

"Really?" I ask, my smile becoming real.

"Really," he says, his eyes glassy. "You look beautiful."

I bite my lip to keep myself from crying, as I close the space between us and put my arms around him. He hugs me back immediately, and I squeeze my eyes shut to keep my tears in.

"She would be so proud of you," he whispers to me. " _I'm_ so proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

He pulls back a little bit, keeping his hands on my shoulders, and smiles a little.

"I hope he deserves you," he says quietly.

"He does," I chuckle lightly.

"All right," he sighs. He looks at me for another moment before he offers me his hand. "Then, let's get you married, my dear."

* * *

About two years after our wedding, Lucas and I had our baby.

We decided on the name, Victoria Beatrice Pedrad. I wanted to name her after two of the strongest women I knew in my life. They also happen to be the two women that I miss more than anything. When she is old enough to understand, I want her to have a reminder of these women and that she is just as strong as them.

But right now, today is just her first day of kindergarten.

"Excited, Tori?" I ask, as I place her breakfast on the table in front of her.

"Yes!" she says, grinning at me.

I can't help but smile back at her, as I sit down at the table with her and Lucas to eat breakfast before we put her on the bus.

"You know, Grandpa is coming over in a minute to see you get on the bus for your first day!"

"He is?" Lucas asks quietly.

As Tori makes a noise of excitement, I give Lucas a look to tell him that we will talk more about it later. He nods in understanding before returning his attention to his food.

Dad had planned to come over the morning of Tori's first day practically since the day she was born. But then, just days ago, Grandpa Amar passed away. I was afraid that my father would be too upset to come, but he told me that he was all right and that he wouldn't break his promise.

For the rest of breakfast, we talk with Tori about how excited she is for her first day. Finally, as I start cleaning up the used plates, I hear a knock at the door.

"That must be him!" Lucas says, grinning at Tori.

"Grandpa!" Tori yells excitedly.

"Backpack!" I remind her.

She grabs her small pink backpack and throws it over her shoulder before scampering to the front door to greet him. I can't help but chuckle, as I walk after her. Lucas opens the front door, and my father walks in. He barely manages to get a word in before Tori jumps into his arms and starts yelling again.

"Hey," he chuckles, as he picks her up. "How's my favorite girl?"

"Good," she grins, as she wraps her small arms around him.

I can't help but smile, as I watch him talk to her while he carries her to the bus stop with Lucas and I trailing behind him. As we walk, I take a few pictures of my dad holding Tori so that we have something to remember this day, and Lucas smiles at me as I do.

When we finally get to the bus stop, he sets Tori down on the ground, as she continues to chatter on about how excited she is.

"She gets the talkative gene from your mom," I mutter to Lucas, who chuckles in response.

"All right, sweetheart," Lucas says, as he kneels in front of her. "Just remember..."

I look at my dad, as Lucas starts to give Tori the first day of school lecture.

"I'm glad you came," I say quietly so only he hears.

"Are you kidding?" he says, smiling slightly. "I wouldn't miss this."

"I just thought maybe it'd be hard for you, since Grandpa Amar just-"

"He wouldn't want me to miss this either," he cuts in. "She's too important."

Once Lucas is done giving the lecture, he stands up with the rest of us, and we stand there talking until the bus finally arrives. I take another picture of her, as she gets on the bus. And once she is seated, she looks out the window and waves at us like crazy.

As I watch her, I find it unbelievable that she is already so big. I can feel tears tugging at my eyes at the thought. It is unbelievable that time is going so fast.

* * *

My father has told me that he has been a little more tired than usual lately. Of course, I immediately panicked since that is how everything started with Mom. And of course, he downplayed it and told me that he was fine.

I even tried to convince him to move in with Lucas and I since he is in his seventies now. As much as the thought pains me, there is no telling how much time he has left. But of course, he said that he was fine on his own and that he would be able to take care of himself just fine.

Still, I haven't let up. I make the offer just about every time I see him. Especially since Tori will be leaving for college soon, which means that we will have plenty of room for him. In fact, I will most likely say it again today since Tori and I are going to visit him later today.

With that thought in mind, I reluctantly push myself out of bed. Saturday is supposed to be a day off, but it doesn't feel like one when I have to use the day to visit my father and go dorm shopping with Tori. And now, it will be even more difficult to fit it all in since I slept so late.

I look up, as Lucas walks into the room. I smile when I see him, but my smile immediately goes away when I see the look on his face. He looks at me as if he has just seen a ghost.

"What's the matter, Luc?" I ask. He slowly walks in and sits down in the bed next to me before he finally looks at me again. "Lucas?"

"Mom just called," he says quietly. "It's your dad, Hope."

"What happened?" I ask. "Is he okay?"

He looks at me for a moment before he reaches for my hand, and I feel my heart sink.

"He..." Lucas lets out a sigh. "He died last night. In his sleep."

I stare at him for a moment, as if he will tell me that he was just telling a cruel joke if I stare at him long enough. But the look on his face tells me that this isn't a joke. I look down at my lap, as he squeezes my hand.

"Wow," is all I can manage to say.

He puts his arms around my shoulder, as I feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I stay quiet for a moment, as I really consider the question. After all, it hurts to think that I'll never see my father again- that I'll never be able to talk to him or hug him again.

But almost immediately, I realize that he has practically been waiting for this. Every now and then, ever since my mother died, he would often make comments about seeing her again when he died. It was almost like he was looking forward to it, though he never outright said that.

Ever since my mother's death, he always seemed to be stuck in a haze. Sometimes, he seemed so depressed. I know that I will miss him, but I also know that he missed her too. And it is just the thought of him finally seeing her again that makes me smile a little through my tears.

"Yeah," I whisper. "I'm okay."

* * *

 **Four POV**

* * *

There is nothing but darkness. I feel awake, and yet I cannot get my eyes to open, and I cannot get up off my back. It feels so odd. I begin to wonder if I am in a coma. But for some reason, something tells me that isn't it.

"Oh, look at you, love," I hear a soft voice say. I feel elated immediately when I hear it. "Open your eyes."

Suddenly, everything feels lighter. My eyes finally open. Everything is blurry for a moment, but I can tell that someone is hovering over me, looking down at me. A moment later, my vision clears, and I feel my breath hitch in my throat.

Her golden hair falls over her shoulders and frames my face, as she hovers over me. Her blue eyes bore into mine. Her pink lips are curled into a loving smile. She looks just like she did when we first got married all those years ago.

"Tris?" I whisper, suddenly afraid that I am in a dream and I will wake up any moment now.

But then, she brings her hand to my cheek and strokes it softly. And in that moment I know, it feels far too real to be a dream.

"Tobias," she says softly. "I missed you so much."

I stare at her for a moment, trying to make sense of everything that is racing through my head. From the moment I heard her voice, I felt elation course through me. Yet part of me is still afraid that I am going to wake up alone any second now.

"I don't understand," I say finally. "Did I... Did I-"

"Die?" she whispers, still stroking my cheek. "Yes, love, you did."

"I..." I shake my head a little, as I try to take this in. "What about-"

"Hope?" she cuts in. "Don't worry, she's all right."

"So this means..." I try again. "I'm not in a dream."

"No, Tobias," she grins. "You're not in a dream. You're with me now, and that's the way it's going to stay."

Suddenly, the elation coursing through me becomes overwhelming, as the realization fully hits me. I sit up, and she moves back to give me space, but she stays kneeling in front of me. As I move, I realize that something feels different.

I look down at myself, and I can't help but laugh a little. Just as Tris looks like her young adult self again, my body looks just as it did all those years ago. I even feel like I can move more easily.

I look up at her, the smile still on my face, and she grins back at me. I reach out for her. She brings her hands to my cheeks and rests her forehead on mine, as I wrap my arms around her. My eyes close again, as I appreciate the feeling of finally having her so close to me again. I could probably cry tears of happiness right now, but I manage to hold it back.

Before I can open my eyes, she brings her lips to mine and kisses me softly. I kiss her back with everything that I have, everything that I have been holding in for all those years without her.

"You really missed me," she chuckles when we pull apart.

"I did miss you," I tell her. "So much."

She smiles at me and strokes my cheek a bit.

"We'll never have to miss each other again, love."

I smile back at her, as I tighten my arms around her. Ever since Tris died, all I could think about was how much I wanted to see her. How I just wanted to kiss her, hold her, talk to her just one more time. All those years, it almost felt like torture. But now, she's finally here, in my arms. All of the waiting was worth it.

She was always worth it.


End file.
